My Friend: Can I Have Your Garlic Bread?

My friend: Can I have your garlic bread?

My other friend: NO FUCK YOU

Personally, I used to use my barbies to play out scenes from homefront World War 2. I actually learned a lot by doing it.

It kind of really confuses me when Barbie commercials have little girls dressing them up and brushing their hair Like no Barbie is not about fashion. Barbie is about collecting as many dolls as you can get your grubby 7 year old hands on and dominating the living room with your expansive empire of plastic women. Barbie is about creating intricate social structures and spicy inter-family conflicts between town house residents. Barbie is about formulating complex back stories for tortured Ken dolls with emotional scars. It’s about creating near-sadistic dramatic plot twists that split up marriages and cause that one Barbie you really dislike to be ceremoniously tossed down the stairs in order to be offed by the jealous ex-wife of Ken #4.

Friend: “why are these grapes so round?” Other friend: “don’t slut shame the grapes”

My grandmother thinks OPT means “out of toilet paper” My uncle thinks it means “other terrible people” Those are some pretty big moods.

My cat meowed all night and slept all day and I had to wake him up because no, you are NOT going to sleep all day so you can yell all night.

As an amateur writer, OH HELL NO. I AIN’T GIVING YOU MY WORK FOR FREE. SIGNAL BOOST. 

Underlined PSA

Figment, the recently closed writing website, has just launched (after a long delay) their long-awaited successor to figment known as Underlined, where users can post their work and receive feedback, supposedly.

DO NOT USE UNDERLINED. DO NOT POST YOUR WORK ON UNDERLINED.

Underlined’s terms and conditions contains a clause stating that the rights to all your work that you post on their website belongs to them!!!!

Underlined belongs to Penguin Random House. This is an extremely dirty trick for them to play on writers, especially young writers and children, who come to the internet to get feedback and will lose the rights to their work. Please boost!!!