Victim Mentality - Tumblr Posts

A victim mentality will never bring you happiness.

codependency

dominants

To all people who have what I like to call "the caretaker syndrome" (or "therapist friend syndrome") which is always caring too much about how other people are doing around you. This mentality is a lot more toxic that what you'd might think because you put the responsibility of your own mood and well being on the person you're "mentoring" because you think your personal worth depends on how much you can lift somebody up.

A lot of people justify this saying "well if I'm helping them doesn't that make me a good person" and the sad truth is no, it doesn't, because if you feel pressure to help someone who's in need and if you didn't help them you'd feel guilt and shame, it means that it's about you feeling bad about yourself and trying to fill that hole inside of you that is self hatred with always helping others even if that's against your own needs because you think that is what will make you worthy of love (which is simply not true)

It's okay to worry about your loved ones of course but feeling guilty because you didn't help someone is not, EVERYONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THEMSELVES, and truly caring about someone is simply helping them because of course you want them to be happy and that would make you happy too. But the difference is, if it was pure affection, you wouldn't feel guilty or not enough of a person if you decided to not help that individual, because it would be obvious to you that you are a person deserving of love without proving anything.

In conclusion, it isn't about them. It's about using them and their codependent way of connecting (because they rely on others too much, that is also toxic) to hate yourself a little less. And at the end of the day it's selfish, even though it seems like "OnLy wAnTiNg tO hELp"

This mentality of codependency is terrible for every relationship because the people you attract with your savior complex are the people that need someone to control them and be stronger than them because they'd feel like a bad person otherwise. They don't truly look up to you, they just need to feel inferior because they think they aren't enough on their own just like you.

submissives

Their victim mentality is about the same old "being in pain makes you a better person" which is such fucking bullshit and by the way it's also selfish even if it's about suppressing yourself because you don't truly love the person that controls you, you use them for their validation they give you when you "do well". Everything you do is for them and you can use that to feel like a better person, because you think sacrificing yourself and your own needs is what makes you worthy of love.

With that mentality you will never actually get better (unless you let go of the mentality), because your entire "personal growth" is for another individual, and you need them to mentor you and control you, so if you actually got better, you'd have to let go of them and their constant validation which you don't want.

in conclusion

At the end of the day both mentalities are about avoiding responsibility and using self destruction to justify the things you do saying "if it hurts me then I'm the victim" -> "it isn't my fault" -> "i am not responsible" WHICH IS NOT TRUE. Hurting yourself is just as bad as hurting someone else if not worse (!!!!!!). If you hurt yourself you're also going to end up hurting the people around you too even if you don't want to.

So for fuck's sake, realize the very obvious fact that you are deserving of love without having to prove anything to anyone. In fact you help the most if you put your own needs first, before others'. It's hard to believe but it's true, you inflict what you feel inside into the outside world even if you don't want to. Energy never lies.

Also if you have toxic relationships, you don't have to cut those people off, you can simply change your way of connecting and if they don't want to let go of their own toxicity, they won't want to connect with you, since they won't be able to use you anymore, because there will be nothing for them to use. They might get mad saying "you changed", if that happens honestly telling them what you think and feel would be the best, and if they don't understand, let them go.

Let that be a milestone for how far you've come and how hard you've worked. Be proud of yourself and be proud of loving yourself. Even though we are walking different paths, we are all in this together. You are not alone.

May 22. 2022.