Tw.suicidal.thoughts - Tumblr Posts

You haven’t been allowed to be Human in a while, huh?(Hero x Villain)

Tw : (Implied Self H@rm, Implied Child Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts,  Self Destructive Behaviours)

Please let me know if I missed any warnings!!

Please proceed with caution.

With the cold air around them and the hand wrapped around their collar, Hero knew this was the end. They had already been taking too many risks, and had foolishly thought that they could take Villain in their tired state.

Hero had been working overtime for a couple of months now, working into the late hours of the night. Crime rates had been rising and The Organization needed to assure the public by giving a couple of the heroes, Hero included extra shifts. It had most certainly worked, the public was a lot calmer and the press wasn’t giving The Organization such a hard time anymore.

But this too had it’s inevitable side-effects. The plummeting of Hero’ mental and physical health being one of them. Hero had caught the other heroes, most of them being in their early twenties like them, almost passing out.

They had managed to convince Side-kick, who was on the verge of hospitalization to give their shift up for the night. It had taken a lot of convincing but knowing that Side-kick was sound asleep in their apartment was so worth it.

But it wasn’t only their physical health and sleep schedule that had taken a fuck ton of damage, it was also their mental health.

Hero had been struggling a lot recently. Having lost one of their closest friends, not being able to save some civilians and being punished for their failures and suffering a lot of fatal wounds. They had turned to old habits. While Hero had promised themselves and their friends that they would stop they couldn’t.

They were exhausted.

So now, they were laying on their back on a rooftop, below the boot of Villain, who was looking down at them with a look Hero couldn’t quite read. But it was far more gentle than it was condescending.

“ And here I was, excited for a fight.”

Hero could only look to the side, their lip bleeding and a small bruise appearing on their cheek. Hits they would never take that easily on a normal day.

“What are you waiting for..”

Villain looked at them from above, a look of curiosity taking over their features. Hero would have noticed if their vision hadn’t blurred.

“..Kill me.”

Hero broke at that moment. They just couldn’t do it. Hot tears they couldn’t stop anymore finally slipping down their cheeks. Villain finally took their boot of their chest which allowed Hero to get themselves into a sitting position and pull themselves into a ball. Hero tried their damn best to not show their crying face to Villain, who would definitely make fun of them for it.

…

Just a few weeks before the incident and before The Organization gave Hero the extra shifts.

Villain and Hero in their ususal suits, but not fighting like usual. Instead, they were seated on top of The Soccer Stadium, watching the game. They were having fun, eating popcorn and watching their teams from a far. Who would be surprised that they were supporting opposite teams?

“HAHA! Take that.”

Villain said as the team they supported scored a goal against the opposite team, making Hero pout slightly, their cheeks looking rather squeezable.

“Cute..” Villain thought to themselves.

As the game went on, the colder the weather got. And Hero, who did not support warm clothes like Villain, teared up slightly when a breeze went by. Villain obviously noticing this, decided to take a jab at Hero.

“ What?! A soccer game made you cry?”

Villain said in a mocking tone. But it wasn’t taken in the way they wanted, the remark had bought dark memories into Hero’s head and made them shiver.

“Something this stupid made you cry you damn brat? I will give you a real reason to cry if you don’t shut up.”

Hero immediately stood up in a panic and walked away.

“W-where are you going?”

Villain said, surprised by hero’s sudden movement. Looking at Hero while a look of worry took over their features. They got up and almost ran to catch up with Hero.

“I-I have some duties to attend to. Have fun watching the g-game.” Hero barely got out between ragged breaths and teleported away before Villain could even get a word out.

Villain saw Hero in more instances after that, but Hero was always already gone before Villain could even say anything or would just flat out ignore them during their fights.

Hero always looked more and more tired.

…

Villain couldn’t do anything for a moment while Hero was having a mental breakdown right before them. They felt everything freeze until they composed themselves and kneeled to Hero’s level.

Before engulfing them in a hug.

Surprised, Hero jerked back for a moment before accepting defeat and slumping into their nemesis’ arms. Sobs wrecking their body and shivering, Hero felt relieved for the first time in a while.

Villain on the other hand, was confused as all hell. They could do nothing but listened as Hero slowly calmed down, none of them knowing how much time had passed. They didn’t care either.

Once they had calmed down enough, Hero slowly pulled away from Villain, feeling a loss of warmth in the process. Looking up at them, Hero spoke, their voice shaky and raspy;

“I am sorry. For..for getting emotional like this.”

Villain looked baffled.

“Did you just seriously apologize.”

“..Yes?”

“Why the hell are apologizing? You had let me cry into your stupidly strong arms just last week! So why, why in the god damn earth are you apologizing for having emotions?”

Villain let out their frustration, getting into Hero’s face and holding them by their shoulders. They shook them between every word to get Hero to understand. Since they clearly couldn’t understand basic self care.

“I-I thought you found me and my stupid emotions stupid that’s all.. and I just..”

Hero kept mumbling to themselves about their feelings and basically degrading themselves for being human. Villain’s brain tuned out all noise for a hot minute.

How could someone so kind, so sweet and so bright talk about themselves that way? Hero was so many people’s, including Villain’s, sunshine. And seeing them like this, broke Villain’s closed off heart.

“..just thought you didn’t want to deal with me and- and just should’ve killed me off f-for the better you-”

“Hero.”

Hero’s mumbling stopped. Their breath hitched and shaking stopped.

“..You haven’t been allowed to be human in a while, huh?”

Hero broke down for the second time that night. Their cries louder, their shaking worse and their grip on Villain’s shirt tighter. Villain’s heart broke to pieces as Hero told them about everything. 

About their long un-ending hours of work, their nightmares and..

and how much they wished Villain had killed them.

After a long while of getting everything out, Hero grew tired. They inevitably fell asleep in Villain’s arms. Hoisting them up in their arms, Villain took a look at Hero’s face.

Red cheeks and nose, tear marks and the dark circles under their closed eyes. How hadn’t Villain notices earlier? How Hero looked so damn tired. How their reaction time was longer, their moves sloppier and how they couldn’t even keep their eyes open in most fights.

But now, Villain ignored those thoughts as they walked towards the stairs to get to their car. Villain was bringing Hero to their apartment and no way were they going to walk all that distance with passed out Hero in their arms.

Villain thought, trying to humour themselves. But now that they thought about it, Hero was considerably light for someone their height. 

Another thing I have to talk to them about.

Random thing #7:

Tw: Suicidal thoughts and words

The Villain had Hero cornered. There was nowhere to go.

They had been fighting for what feels like hours, and Hero couldn’t stop once to catch their breath. It’s was too much, they wanted to stop.

Just stop fighting.

And that’s what they did. They stopped themselves from fighting and slumped against the wall behind them.

And now here they were, sitting against the wall breathing heavily while Villain stood in front of them with a gun pointed at their head.

“Well, looks like I win.” Villain grinned. “Any last words, Hero?”

Last words. That was something Hero could never imagine saying. They had promised themselves they would never end up in a situation where they needed to say last words. Now they were trying to find last words. They couldn’t think of anything except two words.

“Thank you.”

Thank you. That was it. Was that really it?

Villain’s grin died and they lowered the gun just a bit. Their eyes shined with confusion.

“Excuse me?”

“Thank you.” Hero repeated. They did mean it. They couldn’t thank the Villain enough.

“You want to die?” Villain questioned. The gun lowered and lowered even more until Villain’s arm dropped to the side.

“I mean… you’ve always wanted me dead.” The Hero couldn’t help but smile. “So what’s holding you back so suddenly?”

It was true. Villain did want them dead. Back in the days, Villain could do anything they wanted and not get in trouble for it. But all of that ended when Hero came and stopped them.

But being a hero was more stressful than anyone could imagine. It always stressed Hero that the city relied on them. How they had to save everyone from crime. It wasn’t fair. Everyone could do whatever they wanted and Hero had to act like their guardian or something.

They never got a break. And they would become a fool if they quit what they were doing. They didn’t have a choice.

But now they did. Right here in this moment. If Villain could just pull the trigger, all their worries would be left behind within an instant. But for some reason, Villain hesitated.

Their eyes went from confusion to concern. Their arm didn’t lift back up. Why weren’t they doing anything? Are they seriously showing mercy?

Finally, the Villain tucked their gun away. But why? Why? They had me cornered and helpless! Why won’t they kill me?

The Hero almost lunged at the Villain, they dropped to their knees and almost sounded like they were begging.

“What are you doing?! Kill me!” The Hero was begging. “Why are you throwing your chance away! Just kill me! You always wanted too!” They felt their throat close, tears emerged from their eyes. “Kill me! Please! Just do it! Please! Just kill-“

The Hero couldn’t even finish their begging due to how hard Villain had hugged them. They dropped to their knees and closely wrapped their arms around the Hero.

They couldn’t remember the last time they’ve been hugged. Ever since they became the hero they refused any love and affection, they thought they were too tough for that.

But now, that’s what they needed.

They gripped the back of Villain’s shirt and began to sob right into their shoulder. Everything they bottled in was finally coming out. The soft rocking back and forth and the soft “shh” made Hero calm down.

The Villain was comforting them. They didn’t know why they were, but they were grateful they did.

Once the Hero’s throat opened again, they gently pushed themselves away from Villain. Crying was a weakness to them, they didn’t want Villain to see them cry. Not once, and not ever.

“I-I’m sorry…” they murmured through sniffles. “I… I don’t know what I’m doing and-“

“Shh…” The Villain gently stroked Hero’s hair. “It’s alright.” They whispered. Something about their voice made Hero want to stay in their arms and never let go. “It’s going to be alright.”

Was it though? Hero couldn’t tell. They had just revealed to Villain how much they wanted to die. How much they didn’t want to do anything anymore. Who knows what would happen next.

Very slowly Villain helped them off their knees and onto their feet. Their eyes slowly met with one another, and Hero felt a warm hand press on their cheek.

“Hero.” Villains voice still remained as gentle as waves crashing in at night. “I don’t know what you are going through, but I know how you feel.” For once in their life, the Villain was being honest. Which was rare on typical occasions. “But I want you to relax for me and talk to me. About anything.”

This seemed so strange to Hero. At first the Villain was throwing threats, swinging fists and then pointed a gun at their head. And now here they were comforting Hero as best as they could. It all seemed so strange, but Hero needed this. Nobody gave them support like this.

And so, Hero talked to Villain. They told them every single thing that was on their mind. And for the first time in a long while, someone actually listened to them.

kuroo x reader - “hang in there”

genre: angst, comfort

word count: 760

warnings: suicidal thoughts ; depression

notes: i made this because i haven’t been feeling well lately and writing’s my coping mechanism. i wasn’t planning to post this but then i thought that some people might benefit from this. this piece contains things that i wished to hear but never got to. if you can relate to this then i want you to know that you’re not alone and what you’re feeling is valid. some day we’ll look back to this and laugh because you never realized how strong you were. just hang in there, love. i tried to be as vague as possible so that more of you can relate. of course, proceed with caution as i still touched some subjects that could be uncomfortable to some

sensitive topic talked about under the cut.

"if i were to jump off this cliff, what would you do?"

kuroo's fingers stopped midway through its run across your hair. you weren't looking at him. instead, you were looking at the sky dazedly. with a solemn look on his face, he began twirling a lock of your hair in his fingers, relishing in the comfort of your weight against his as you laid on his lap.

"i would catch you and lift you up until your wings can let you soar without you needing to fall."

the wind blew gently in the hidden spot you and kuroo found yourself often running off to. it was comforting. with the soil underneath you and the presence of kuroo's comfort that slowly ebbed away your worries, you felt grounded. that was nice.

"thank you," you smiled, a little empty but meant altogether.

.

"if i can no longer carry the weight, what would you do?"

kuroo smiled and lifted the box away from your hands. you watched as he leaned down, staring at your eyes as if he saw right through you, and given his intelligence, he probably did.

"i would take the top box off and hold you so you don't need to worry about tripping."

you stared at him, perplexed and he simply shook his head as he slowly leads you back on track towards your destination. the warmth of his hand spread across your lower back like the blooming of flowers in spring. with his mere presence, you felt the ice of loneliness slowly start to thaw. that was nice.

"thank you," you smiled, half a degree warmer in your flushed skin.

.

"if i were to disappear, what would you do?"

kuroo hummed, tapping the pen he was holding onto the desk, deep in thought. you silently watched his actions with bated breath, you were curious. his answers were always odd.

"i would go to a convenience store."

"what? why?"

"you'd probably be hungry when i find you."

you couldn't help but laugh in amusement. he was an odd one but you couldn't deny that his sentiment warmed you very much. with his care, you felt like you could stand against the world. that was nice.

"thank you," you smiled, a little brighter than before, to kuroo's surprise.

"no problem."

.

"if i can no longer do the things that i used to do well, what would you do?"

kuroo glared at the canvas in front of him. screw his art teacher. still, he dropped his palette and brush and turned to look at you. his intensity was new, you mused to yourself as kuroo's eyes once again stared into yours as he did every single time you asked him your questions.

"i would take new hobby lessons."

"what for?"

"so even if you can't do well in the things you used to do anymore, at least you'll have fun doing it because you have someone worse to make fun of."

"really?"

"really."

"well, the dog you painted looks wonky."

"you're crossing the line. steven is perfect as he is."

you fell down your chair from your laughter. with him beside you, you don't feel so alone anymore. that was nice.

"thank you," you whispered softly as you covered kuroo's sleeping form with a blanket.

.

"if i no longer need to rely on you to keep me alive, what would you do?"

kuroo held your hands in his and you couldn't help but notice how well they fit together. his hands that were much larger than yours, covered yours securely and that was comforting in its own right. with your reluctance gone, you looked up at him and smiled the most genuine smile you have mustered in months.

"i would love you all the same."

with his love, you felt like you were no longer a helpless doe but rather someone who was capable of being loved- someone who was capable of standing and walking side by side with everyone. with him, you were able to face your fears because he was always there, whether you fail or not. he made sure you realized you're not someone in constant need of doting but rather someone who's brave enough to continue on even when it hurt. he was exactly what you needed. someone who would stay by your side, not in front or at the back, but ready to support you when you start falling regardless. he was nice.

"thank you," you spoke with all devotion in your heart as you pulled him close for a kiss.