Tw: Toxic Relationships - Tumblr Posts

I dont usually send asks, mostly cause im shy and don’t know what to say lol, but I wanted to share my appreciation for your Kendratello AU, cause it’s helped me recognize a toxic relationship in my own life.

I’ve never been a victim to SA or anything of the likes, so I can’t say I’ve been EXACTLY in Donnie’s place, but something that unsettled me early on when reading your AU was how…NICE Kendra would seem when alone with Donnie.

In a lot of media, especially in the media I saw growing up, the manipulative antagonist almost always had very obvious tells that show they’re evil when interacting with the victim. Maybe they’re talking about committing a very clearly villainous deed, keep the protagonist prisoner, something like that. But Kendra didn’t. Well, not always.

Kendra destroyed Donnie from the foundation up, and then rebuilt him back up to be who she wanted him to be, would punish him but then spin the situation around to be his own fault, but the rest of the time she would seem kind.

Only recently have I realized that someone very close to me has been toxic for most of our lives, and the reason it took me this long to realize it was because they would treat me kindly only until it became in their own interest to act otherwise. But I would take it, because I loved them and didn’t want to hurt their feelings, and I assumed that since they loved me, they wouldn’t ACTUALLY (emotionally) hurt me.

Spoiler alert: they did.

I’m not going to get much more into it, but your AU’s been very comforting to me ever since this happened, because it’s helping me come to terms with the fact that what happened wasn’t my fault just because our relationship seemed nice most of the time.

Your depiction of Kendra manipulating Donnie so realistically, and Donnie slowly but surely realizing that Kendra was hurting him is so powerful, and I thank you for that.

I’m so happy for you Anon 💚💚

It’s good to see these patterns, and depending on how toxic the relationship is, to speak up for yourself, or cut the person out, if they are unwilling to change.

Kindness is often a tool used by manipulators. But the biggest thing to ask yourself is exactly what you saw. Is this person only nice to me when they need something from me? And if so, then this isn’t real kindness. Good for you for knowing your worth!!

⚠️

sa related ask and discussions of very toxic relationships…

Personal experience rambling below. Toxic friendship and sa mention.

I’ll only be discussing this once, here, in this post. So I’m afraid if I get anyone asking for further info, I’m not going to reply /lh

I’m very sorry for what you’ve gone through. I hope you can find what you need to heal. Everyone’s traumas are so different, so please if you can, and haven’t already, speak to a professional that will give you help catered to you.

But I do want to immediately answer your question and say, yes, I have healed, for the most part. It took a lot of work and self-reflection that I didn’t want to do, because it was scary. But when I finally talked to someone, and realized I needed to take action in order to heal, that was when the process started.

For years, I thought my only options were to suffer in silence, and that what happened to me was my own fault, because towards the end, I was consenting. But I didn’t understand how my mindset and self worth had become so twisted.

My person (let’s call him J) was one of my best friends growing up. But as he got older, and more interested in…mature things, he changed. J would only ever agree to hang out together unless I offered to give him something to make it worth his while. Eventually I started to think these acts were all I was good for, as that’s all that made him happy to be around me. Pretty soon, J didn’t even have to push the ideas onto me. He only had to act uninterested or busy, and I would sit there and beg to do whatever he wanted.

The idea of rejection grew to be so painful and terrifying as he was one of only two friends that I had (the other being his sister. So if I lost one, I was so scared to lose the other). And I’d recently lost one of my closest childhood friends. Which he often used her cutting contact with us in his manipulations as well.

(It wasn’t until years later that she contacted me through Facebook and revealed that it was J that made her feel too uncomfortable, and as she already lived two hours away from us, and only visited once a year, it was just easier for her to cut off contact. I don’t blame her now, but without that knowledge, the thought that it was something I did, only helped J manipulate me.)

As I grew older, and I got better friends, I started to learn just how much I’d been pushed into only ever doing what he wanted, and how one sided of a relationship it was. He moved away, and that distance I was so scared of became a reality. But it was the best thing to ever happen. I still wonder what would’ve happened if he’d stayed in town. If we might’ve gotten married or if I would’ve finally stood up for myself. But all that matters is he is gone. There is always the danger of him coming home and me seeing him—we were neighbors, so his parents and mine still live right next door. Holidays can be kind of a high stress time lol.

That cafe comic is actually probably the most therapeutic piece out of the whole Kendratello AU I’ve done, as it’s always been a fear of mine that I could just turn around and he’d be in town visiting lol. Sending Kendra through that portal was highly cathartic. But even if that were to happen now, I have my coping skills, and I’m in a much better headspace. I think I would be able to handle myself.

I’m still a people pleaser, I don’t think that’s ever going to go away, even with all the work I’ve done. The biggest thing is, I know I’m worth more now. I can see real kindness, and catch the fake stuff much better by looking for those same toxic signs. The real friendships I’ve made have shown me what connection is truly like. It’s not a one-sided negotiation every time you get together. And if it is, then it’s probably not a healthy give and take. I’ve healed, but it is a constant effort.

Every new person sets off some kind of anxiety in the back of my head, but I don’t let that fear control how our relationship will develop. I’ve got the final say in what happens and what I get out of it.

damn Aemond... You started off so good..

The Adopted Princess| Dark! Targaryen and Velaryon Boys x Reader (Aegon II, Aemond, Jacaerys, Lucerys) V

"Your father and I going to miss you so much, my dear" Rhaenyra says as she and Laenor, both, pull you into a tight hug.

"Me too"

You pull away from them, your lips quivering as you try to stop yourself from crying.

However, when Jacaerys and Lucerys hug you, that's when you break down.

"That's not fair, you are supposed to be my wife, not his, I would treat you much better than Aemond" Jacaerys exclaims angrily.

"It is all my fault, (Y/n), please don't leave!" Lucerys cries out, feeling guilty that he is the reason why you are leaving them.

"I believe the king already arranged the whole thing before the fight, so don't blame yourself, Luke" you assure him.

"But it is true, we dragged you into this fight and you even got hurt because of us" Rhaena exclaims. 

"And Aemond is cruel, and he might treat you badly" Baela adds with a sad tone.

You stay silent, wanting to say that Aemond has been treating you kindly and you two were exchanging letters but decided against it.

Just because he is your friend and future husband, it doesn't excuse him from calling your brother 'bastards' and also claiming Vhagar, even though the dragon is the one who chose her rider.

"If he ever upsets you, I will shove my sword into his good eye" Daemon states all of a sudden, smirking at you.

You smile at his overprotectiveness, nevertheless, you still can't believe that the rough prince is your grandfather.

"I wonder why my father didn't allow you to raise me" you inquire.

"Because he is chaotic," Rhaenyra says, grinning at her uncle.

"But, aren't all dragons chaotic though?" you point out playfully, easing up a bit.

Daemon stares at you, realizing how you have his son's smile and playful attitude.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but the ship is ready to departure"

Alicent says after walking up to you and your family like she didn't try to poke out Luke's eye the other day.

"I'm ready to leave, your highness," you say timidly, which made the queen smile, and link her arm with yours.

"Oh dear, no need for formality, just call me mother" Alicent insists, making Rhaenyra glare at her angrily.

While you and the queen ascend the ship, Lucerys notices Aemond smirk down at him and Jacaerys from the ship, mocking them.

As if he is trying to say, that 'you might have taken my eye out, but I claimed Vhagar and (Y/n)'

However, Aemond doesn't realize that the real danger is his older brother.

𑁍𑁍❀𑁍𑁍

You stare down at the water, tears still wet on your cheeks while anxiety is eating at you in slow motion.

Even though the queen showed good intentions toward you, yet, you still feel afraid, after all, you don't have anyone by your side in King's landing if something would happen.

Yes, the king promised your mother and grandfather to keep you safe, something which Daemon laughed at, due to the king's declining health.

If something would ever happen between you and Aemond, let's say a fight for example, who would stand by your side?

No one, absolutely no one.

"Princess?"

You quickly turn around to face Larys Strong, surprised to even see him.

That man never approached you, sometimes you would catch him inspecting you just like he does with everyone, but he never spoke to you. 

"Lord Larys," you say, softly, trying to look anywhere so he doesn't see your red-shot eyes.

"It saddens me to see you crying my princess," the cunning man says, offering you a handkerchief to wipe your tears. 

You take it from him, smiling in gratitude at his kind gesture.

"May I know what worries you, princess?" Larys inquires, standing beside you.

"I just feel like I'm a bargain of peace in this arranged marriage" you confess.

"Oh, I don't think you should think of it in this way, my dear, it will benefit you greatly" you frown in confusion.

"How would it benefit me?"

Before Larys could answer you, Aegon storms up to you.

"There you are, I have been searching everywhere for you..." Aegon stops when he sees the new lord of Harrenhal.

"Greetings, Lord Strong" the Targaryen prince greets the man with a spiteful tone at his instruction with you.

"My prince" Larys greets him back, bowing his head a bit before Aegon turns his attention fully towards you.

"You need to rest, this trip will be long and tiring, and your stupid dragon almost bit my finger off" you roll your eyes at him.

"That's because Quicksilver hates arrogant brats" you mumble, rushing away before Aegon asks you what you just said.

Aegon turns to Lary and sneers at him.

"Stay away from her, you fucking creep"

With that, Aegon follows after you, leaving him standing alone.

Larys would do anything but stay away from you, that's for sure.

After all, your father was a dear friend of his.

𑁍𑁍❀𑁍𑁍

"What are you doing here, Aemond?" You question the said boy, looking at him sleepy.

"I came here to apologize about what I did to you the other day, I had no right" your gaze softens at his apology.

"You should also apologize to Jace, Luke, Baela, and Rhaena when you meet them again" Aemond scoffs at this sentence.

"They started it, they attacked me first because Vhagar accepted me as her new rider" the silver-haired boy defends himself.

"You called my brothers bastards" Aemond chuckles.

"Aren't they though?" you narrow your eyes at him.

"No, they are not-" he stops you.

"Yes, they are, and if you are to become my wife, then you must stand by my side and support my views"

You stay silent, not knowing what to say.

It's true, that once a woman gets married into her husband's family, she is expected to support her husband even against her own family. 

Aemond grabs your hands into his warm, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"My family is now your family, you have to support Aegon's claim to the throne, by doing that, you are doing your duty"

You gulp, coming to realize the fact that Aemond has changed.

"And if I don't?" 

His grasp tightens on your hands, his stare becoming colder.

"Then I will force you to do your duty"

Taglist:

Honestly, too many people to tag, and I just needed to update quickly, sorry 🥺

Word count: 3.2k

Caregory: angst, smut

Warnings: depression, depressed reader, toxic relationships, someone needed to be an asshole in this so Tsukki is, kind of toxic Akaashi too, smoking, choking, cigarette burns.

Summary: Akaashi is always there to put you back together, granting your every wish. Even when you leave him without any message and disappear for two months. You could say that he has a soft spot for you

City of stars, are you shining just for him tonight? That’s what Akaashi is wondering. The stars are surprisingly bright tonight, as if knowing that now is when he needs their comfort the most.

Akaashi is mindlessly watching some stupid, mind-numbing late night program on his tv, trying to forget about the manga he has to finish editing until next week and… Other things.

The half-smoked mint cigarette hangs from his lips as the man lets out a sigh. He’s not anxious. Therapy and maturing has helped him calm his overthinking and anxieties a bit. He’s good at his job; he’ll manage to meet the deadline. However, other things cloud his mind and he’s not as good with that as he is at his job.

Akaashi’s phone, which was carelessly left somewhere in the kitchen, rings. He inhales the final breath of minty smoke and puts out the cigarette on the heart-shaped ashtray you had gifted him a long time ago. Akaashi finally stood up, lazily strolling to the kitchen, the light of his phone lighting up the big room in dim blue light. He picks it up and swipes "accept" without looking at the contact name. Probably Bokuto, wanting to hangout soon. Or maybe his boss, reminding about his deadline, or…

Keiji freezes on the spot when he hears your voice. It’s so quiet and weak that he thinks one breath from him will take it all away and he’ll wake up from a dream.

"’Kaashi… Keiji… Keiji, It’s bad again," you whisper and his heart breaks in real time; the pieces left from the last time you broke it, shattering into even smaller ones. Two months without seeing you. Two months without hearing from you. Two months without smelling your perfume, without touching your skin and hearing your voice. Your laugh… Well, he hasn’t heard that eternal sound for even longer. Two months, eight weeks, fifty six days, one thousand three hundred forty four hours since you had left him for another man.

Tsukishima Kei swept you away alongside Akaashi’s will to do anything but work until he almost passed out. You ghosted everyone from your life, it wasn’t only Akaashi. Last thing anyone heard about you — your friend Dina told Bokuto that you moved in with a "tall, blonde man". And now there you were again. Alive and calling him. Asking him to make everything better like he always used to. To come and take the pain away, even just for a minute. It hurt to breathe but just hearing your voice made the shards left of his heart pull closer together. Some selfish part of him wanted to hang up. To tell you to go find Tsukishima and fuck off. His rational part was horrified, that thoughts like that would cross his mind. He didn’t particularly dislike Tsukishima during high school days, damn, even liked the guy, but he couldn’t forgive him for doing this. For sweeping you away from him.

"You at your old place?" Keiji manages to ask.

"Y-yeah," there’s a sniffle and something clutters to the floor. Fuck, thag can’t be good.

"Okay, darling, okay. I’ll be at your place real soon, yeah? Unlock the door for me, ‘kay?

He doesn’t wait for your answer. He’s slipping his shoes on, grabbing his long, black coat and dashing out the door. His body remembers the routine way more than he thought it would. Maybe all those moments Akaashi rushed to you after a single phone call asking him to come, did that to a person.

He didn’t have the time to think that through. He was in his car, speeding through the busy streets of the city just to get to you. The hope of seeing your face again numbed most of the pain —the loss of you caused.

He’s at your door in what seems like a minute. The door is already unlocked so he just walks in. The smell of your home fills his senses and it’s as if his head clears. Oh, how he missed this. His coat is now hung up, shoes put away and he’s stepping in the tiny living room. There’s a lump of colorful blankets and you’re somewhere underneath. A step away. Real and alive. Real, alive and breathing — wanting him to put you back together. To make you feel better, to make you feel like you’re alive once again.

“Y/N, darling, I’m here,” the words come out in the softest voice he can manage and your head lifts up. Your hair’s a mess, eyes empty and dull. He can’t stand to see you like this, pain searing through his whole body. Some fucked up part of him is glad to see how much you need him though.

“Keiji, need you,” you whimper, “Want you to fuck the sadness out of me.”

It’s how it always went. Like a dance you both knew the steps to, perfectly well — he comes over, you guys fuck, he bruises you up a bit since you always beg him so prettily and then he’s there to pick up the pieces — listen to your ranting, asking you if you’ve been keeping up with drinking your meds and making sure you have something to eat.

He’s always there. And he would always be, no matter how much it hurt him to.

He takes a careful step towards you, lifting you up from your fluffy hiding place. You’re in his lap not even a moment later, head too heavy to hold, buried in his neck. You give it a little peck and his whole body burns. It’s like he’s some junkie going through withdrawal and your touch is the drug he so desperately craves. He’s turning his face towards your’s, slightly chapped lips kissing away at every millimeter of skin he can reach. It’s messy, it’s passionate and Akaashi doesn’t even notice the tears freely flowing down his face. A shuddering breath leaves his lips. Oh, how much he needed this.

“Keiji, need you, please,” you sigh in between kisses, one hand pawing at his pant-clad crotch. You have trouble keeping yourself up, but the need to be fucked until your brain is unable to make coherent thoughts makes the task easier.

“Yeah, yeah, need you too, pretty girl. Need to touch you,” he moans when he takes off your huge hoodie and sees that you’re not wearing anything underneath, nipples perking up at the temperature of the room. Akaashi’s hand, the one not holding onto you, paws at your breasts, squeezing until you gasp. Is it fucked up that he wants to cause you pain? You asked for it everytime you asked Akaashi to fuck you, but now he craved that himself. He craved the teary look in your eyes, the way you hit his chest when it got a little too much.

After letting himself indulge for a few moments, he lays you down on the couch, climbing on top of you, gently helping you get out of your sleep shorts and simple black panties. Cute, real cute. Akaashi missed you so much he couldn’t put it into words.

“Spread your legs for me, pretty girl,” he murmured, your legs instantly parting. Good, you haven’t forgot how you’re supposed to act. Your hands almost naturally find their place on Akaashi’s shoulders and his fingers are reaching for your pussy almost instantly. One finger circling the clit, the other easing into your hole. Tight, still so fucking tight. Akaashi groaned.

Tsukishima couldn’t fuck you as well as he could, right?

Keiji didn’t let himself overthink it. This moment was about you two; there was no space for the ‘third one’.

His second finger bullies it’s way alongside the first one and a third one joins next. It takes a while to find the spongy spot he used to be so familiar with. It doesn’t take long before you’re coming undone, pushing away at his clothed, hard chest from the overstimulation of Akaashi helping you ride out your orgasm.He’s smiling. That self-satisfied grin you know so well.

“Please, take off your clothes, Keiji, it’s uncomfortable,” you squirm under his gunmetal gaze and he obeys.

A single raise of your hand and he’s doing everything you ask for. It was always this way. His clothes are discarded on the dirty floor, littered with bottles of water and empty chips packets. He’s back to his position, careful not to let any of his weight fall on you. You admire him. Those big, doe-like yet still dull like before, taking in every detail of his body; from his lean physique, to his shoulder-length wavy raven hair and lithe fingers, still soiled with your clear juices. Your cheeks burn at the sight.

Akaashi’s fingers come near your mouth and you obediently part your lips, eager to take what he provides. He knows better, after all. He knows how to fix you. You clean off his slender fingers and Akaashi can’t help it - cloud-grey eyes narrowing as he pushes his digits deeper, digging until you’re gagging and only letting up when tears light up your beautiful eyes. When he finally pulls them out, he absentmindedly wipes them off on your skin. You shiver at the warm sensation and close your eyes.

Keiji pulls out his dick and it’s as pretty as he is, not too long, nor too thick, but still a lot to take; beautiful, flushed tip already leaking precum when the black-haired man gives it a few strokes. Your mouth parts to let out long breaths.

“Everything okay, sweetheart?” he asks, voice calm and collected, the complete opposite of you right now.

“Yeah, just haven’t- haven’t been with you for so long,” you shiver. Akaashi can’t help but seethe, remembering that you were with another man. Two whole damn months.

He lines up his cock with your hole and just slams it in with one smooth motion. Everything is white for a moment, you’re unable to see from the pleasure-filled pain. His cock slammed into your cervix, but he’s nice enough to let you get used to his length. You keen, not sure what you want Akaashi to do right now when the veins adorning his dick create mind-numbing friction. One of Keiji’s hands ghosts your neck, gently squeezing it and his gaze softens when you lean into his touch, craving to be hurt.

“I’m gonna move, sweet girl,” he warns you, but doesn’t give you time to think of an answer — Keiji is slamming into your tiny pussy, letting his head lean back. He’s blissed by the pleasure, fucking his fist for two months just wasn’t the same. Not even close. Pretty moans leave Keiji’s perfect lips, no matter how much he tries to suppress them. You’re just laying there, taking it, eyes cloudy and half-lidded. Mind probably already numb. Silly little thing.

“Keiji… Keiji, love,” the pet name rings in his head, the huge hand still wrapped around your willing neck squeezes. Hard. The silver ring wrapped around one of his fingers digs into your soft skin. You’re killing him. Giving him just enough to let the hurtful memories flow. It doesn’t seem to bother you.

Face content and calm, “Can you, can you burn me, please?”

You’re as sweet as ever. As if nothing ever happened. As if he’s responsible for making you feel better. Fuck. He knows he is.

“Yeah? You want me to burn you? My girl is a little fucking masochist?” it’s easy to slip into his degrading persona. Akaashi knows how much you love that. You don’t crave praise. Don’t want to be called pretty, don’t want nice things. You want temporary pain, to forget the real one that might never really go away.

You dumbly nod at Akaashi’s words, mind not putting two and two together, his cock still pounding away at your pussy, uncaring of your own pleasure. Keiji pulls out and you whine, hands automatically reaching for him, as if he would ever leave, now that he got you back.

The tall man finds a pack of mint cigarettes, left in the pocket of his black jeans. There’s a tiny daisy embroidery on the pocket done by you a long time ago. When you still had the energy to do anything. When he didn’t have to beg you to live another damn day.

Cigarette finds its way to the man’s lips and he quickly lights it up. You sigh happily, when Keiji slides his cock back into you, finally letting his fingers massage your clit. You let out a shuddered moan, pleasure burning all thoughts away.

“Ah, you’re so good to me, Keiji. So good, ah,” and with a particularly harsh thrust, the pleasure building in your lower belly snaps and you’re coming, creaming around his lengthy cock and as white hot pain surges through your whole body. Akaashi presses the hot end of the cigarette between your perfect tits. You scream, in pain and in pleasure, mumbles of “please” and garbles of his name praying for something. Something to take the pain away? Something to hurt you more?

Akaashi gives into his temptations, taking a long drag of the smoke, marking up your tits a few more times, letting you grab his shoulders and pull him close, crying away at his firm chest.

“Thank you- ah! Thank you so much, Keiji,” you breathe out and that’s all it takes for him to finish.

Your whole body turns warm as your inner walls are painted white. You’re so full. And so obedient to him. What a good girl you still are. It’s as if nothing has changed. You’re Akaashi’s again and everything falls back into place. Everything is where it’s supposed to be. You’re - in Akaashi’s arms, and Tsukishima somewhere damn far away.

You lay like this for a while - Keiji’s body on top of yours, everything sweaty and sticky, still keeping his body weight from crashing down on your tired body. He dresses up and makes you take a bath then; washing your hair for you, using a comforting vanilla smell body wash to clean your limp body next.

He can’t help but admire the marks he’s left. It’s a sign that you’re his. And he is yours. Eternally, forever. And no one can change that. No one knows how to help you, like he does.

Keiji dresses you in comfortable clothes and helps you get onto the bed after changing the sheets before laying you down. Tch, he bet that Tsukishima let you lay in messy sheets, never once changing them. Akaashi scolds himself. So much for not overthinking, so much for maturing. He was as insecure as he was in his teenage years, just learned to mask it better.

You pull Akaashi towards you, stopping his thoughts. He complies, undressing until he’s in his shirt and boxers, laying down beside you and pulling you close to himself, holding your body tight.

“I want to talk to you,” you mumble, still turned away from him with your back to his chest.

“I’m listening, baby.”

"You wanted me to feel better and I… Didn’t particularly want to get better. I guess- I guess the sadness, rash mania-driven decisions and my dependency on others has become such a big part of me that I thought…I thought that I would be empty without it."

"You wouldn’t." he interrupts your rant, pulling your shaking hands into his, gently rubbing your knuckles in an attempt to calm you down a bit.

You lift up your face to catch his eyes. Akaashi is already looking, "What?"

"You wouldn’t be empty, Y/N. The girl I met at high school… You were happy back then. You were cheerful, a bit loud and could make anyone like you. And even if you," he gently turns you towards him and caresses your face when you want to look away in shame, "think that you’re beyond fixing, or empty without your illness, you’re just wrong. I still see those traits in you. How you’re still you in the way you cheer up your friends. How you’re still you when even the delivery drivers seem to instantly like you and how you’re still you in understanding that it’s not bad to ask for help when you need it."

You don’t answer him. Somewhere deep in your mind, you know Akaashi is right. You know that he isn’t just trying to fix you to his liking, you know he doesn’t want you for the sex, despite how many times Tsukishima made you believe that. You bury your face in Akaashi’s neck and let his warmth embrace your limp and tired body.

"He told me that you wanted to make me into the version of myself that you wanted," you confess, quietly murmuring the words against the skin of his neck and Akaashi’s hands embrace you tighter. He can’t get mad now, but damn is it hard to keep his composure, "Keiji, he told me that you only wanted to fuck me ‘cause girls like me were compliant and easy to fuck," words flow out freely as you finally let go all the pent up sadness, confusion and a web of lies that you’re still so deeply tangled in, "He- he told me that you stayed with me because I was easy to hurt and that guys like you- prefered girls like me. And he let me skip taking my medicine. He said it was my choice and that he’s not gonna make me be happy and how he liked me the way I was-“ your voice breaks. You can’t say any more words.

It takes all of Akaashi’s strength to not get and go to Tsukishima’s place. Beat him up until the fire under his skin no longer burned, until he felt satisfied with the results, until he knew that you were out of the reach of the blonde’s manipulations and him. Akaashi Keiji is not a violent man, but when he sees you more fragile and broken than you were before, just because of one man and his lies, he can’t help it.

“It’s not your fault.” Akaashi kisses your face, “I know you think it is, but it isn’t. We’re gonna get you back on your medicine and you’ll go to that- that therapist downtown that you said helped you, yeah? We’re gonna get through this together. I’m always with you. I’ll help you. And… I love you, Y/N,” the confession rings into the stuffy silence of the small bedroom and you freeze in his arms.

Your lifeless eyes reach the open window. Your apartment is on the highest floor with light pollution not quite reaching it. The stars are clearly visible. Hundreds of thousands of little lights scattered across the night sky. It’s beautiful.

"The sky is so beautiful tonight, Keiji…" your voice is barely above a whisper, "A graveyard of stars."

Yes, the stars must really be shining for him tonight. He falls asleep with the thought of brighter tomorrows and a better future.

Dark Platonic! Father Legolas x Half Elf! Reader

After Tauriel and the heartbreak that followed, Legolas found himself falling for a human woman, resulting in your birth.

Legolas is happy, even though your mother passed away after a while of your birth.

The Mirkwood prince would be seen by your side, playing your silly games.

To be truthful, he doesn't want you to feel insecure about his love towards you, he wants to form that bond where you are dependent on him.

Let us just say that Thranduil is less than pleased about you being a part human, but warmed up to you eventually... After Elrond scolded him.

The problem in being half-elf is that you age like a human.

So, it's very hard for your father to see you grow up into an eighteen year old.

Legolas realized that you also still have to choose between becoming rather a full elleth or a full human.

He believed that you would choose to become an elleth once you reach adulthood.

But, he is shocked to find out that you wish to become a full human.

All of that because of a human lover.

Instead of being a decent father like Elrond, and accepting your lover.

He kills your lover without your knowledge, and firms it on an orc, which forced you choose to become an elleth instead of a human.

Nobody knows that Legolas is the one who killed your lover except for Thranduil, who is smug about the whole situation.

"Now, you know how I felt about Tauriel"

Dark! House Of The Dragon x Game of Thrones! Reader|Part 1

(⚠️ sucide)

In your former life, you were the twin sister of Joffrey and you were wed to Robb Stark.

However you choose to stand on your husband's side when war erupted.

The problem is your mother and your twin didn't like that at all.

So, Roose Bolton kills Robb and Catelyn.

He was planning on returning you to your mother, but you ended your life before he could do so.

You didn't imagine that you would be reborn in the past as the twin sister Of Jacearys Velaryon.

Even in this life, you were born as a bastard.

Yet, Rhaenyra is an amazing mother, and so are your new brothers.

Unlike cruel Joffrey who used to hit you whenever you refused his advances, Jace would only treat you kindly and is overprotective.

And Lucerys reminded you of Tommen.

You also adore baby Joffrey and don't care about how his name is the name of your previous twin.

But there is one problem you tried to fix in Luke and Jace and this was bullying Aemond.

But they took Aegon as their role model.

Unlike Targaryens, you refused to interact with your dragon because you were simply afraid.

You even own a cat, who you enjoy spending time with instead of the dragon.

Aegon reminded you greatly of Joffrey, never the less, Aegon wasn't a psycho.

He wouldn't waste a moment in teasing you day and night.

"One day you will become my wife"

Rhaenyra happened to hear what he said one time, and immediately betrothed you to Jace. Despite how much you refused the idea.

When Luke deforms Aemond, you quickly try to control the situation like a Lannister.

"This was not anyone's fault but mine, As the eldest twin I should have been watching over them all"

Everyone is shocked by your words, meanwhile Rhaenyra wanted to intervene, same with Daemon who believed that the Hightowers deserves nothing.

however, you get down on your knees in front of Alicent, after taking the Targaryen's ancestral dagger.

"Take one of my eyes instead, I hope it's more then enough repayment"

Of course, Alicent doesn't do that, you only earned the Queen's love with such brave action.

Viserys' is happy at how you defused the situation.

Those actions made everyone obsessed with you.

Part 2>>>

BEFORE AND AFTER. | EREN. J x F!READER 18+

━━━ eren j. x f!reader x armin a. ➝ chapter one

“we can’t choose who we fall in love with but we can choose how to end it.”

in which, you and eren have history that dates back to high school. as adults, you’ve gone your separate ways but have come back together through a reunion. with him back in your life, it’s hard to ignore the feelings you used to have for him as they come rushing back in. in addition, armin can’t seem to get you off of his mind and will do anything to prove to you that he’s the better man for you; even when he’s got a pregnant fiancé waiting for him at home. too bad for him, eren’s never lost a fight and he’s too greedy to share.

genre ➝ modern au, toxic!eren, dilf!armin, romance, fluff, lots of angst, infidelity, hurt/comfort, violence, explicit smut

tags/warnings ➝ sexual content, unprotected sex, f. receiving (oral sex), rough sex, biting/scratching, mean dom eren, toxic relationship, manipulation, possessiveness, hate sex, phone sex, mutual masturbation, an overly flirty armin even though he’s engaged & other tags i can’t rmr at the moment hehe

wc ➝ 18.6k

a/n: sooo, this series is a repost and has finally made its long awaited comeback, hehe. for those that are familiar with this fic, you’ll notice that i did indeed shove the first two chapters already written into one so that’s why the word count is so much! i will be posting the next chapter once it’s been revised and edited over by me and my bestie @chelamedina <3 enjoy and reblogs are very appreciated!

"Eren? Eren who?"

"What? You don't remember? The really shy guy with the glasses? He used to sit behind you in 4th period. Oh my god, he was obsessed with you. You really don't remember?"

"I...wait. Hold on...That's Eren?"

"Yep. Not so weird and nerdy now, huh?"

"Not at all."

As you leaned against the back wall of the overcrowded room nursing your glass of wine, your eyes never left the one man that made coming to the reunion worth it.

No more glasses. No more braces. No more baggy clothes that looked like they went two weeks unwashed. No more short hair that always made him look several years younger than he actually was. No more of the sixteen year old boy that you used to know.

Eren Jaeger, now 23, and hotter than all of the guys that tried coming up to talk to you ever since you stepped foot into the party.

Suddenly, a distant memory came to mind and took you away momentarily. 

— flashback.

Your hands are shaky. You don't know where to put them as you're positioned right over his face, feeling his tongue lap across your desperate cunt. You're unfocused and you can practically hear your blood pounding in your ears as you settle your fingers into his hair and moan out, earning a groan from the male underneath you. 

"Fuck, don't you sound pretty?"

He eats at you, hungry to bring you to the brink so he can feel your thighs shake at either side of him, just barely catching your cry as you release right on his tongue. To know that he's the one that's making you feel good. To know that he's the only one that's allowed to touch you so intimately and have his name roll off of your tongue as you clench onto nothing, trying to not topple over as electricity travels throughout your body, bringing you over the edge.

You cry out his name and finally find purchase in putting your hands in his hair, rocking your hips to ride out your orgasm. 

It's only moments after that you're switched underneath him, toned arms hooked at the undersides of your legs, keeping them at his waistline as he fucks into you like it's your last day on earth. It feels like it. Feels as though he's going to lose you. That you'll slip right out of his grasp and never see you again. It's why he has to have you now. To show you why you're better off staying with him. That you can't possibly do better than him.

You whine and pull him down, pressing yourself close enough to melt into him. To tie your bodies and souls together. 

He nips and bites at your jawline, moving down to your neck, suckling hard enough to leave a bruise. A mark of his own. One that's viewable to the public eye, announcing that you belong to someone and aren't meant to be touched or even looked at by anyone else. 

He's insecure. He's even scared that you will find someone better than him and it eats away at him everyday. Every moment, every second that you're apart because he feels that if he doesnt have eyes on you every waking moment, he'll lose you. He'll do anything to keep you. 

Your nails push into the skin of his back, intending to create marks deep enough to last days afterwards. It's not a territorial act, more in the realm of hating who he is. You can't stand the way he looks at you. The way he watches you. It feels as though he's waiting for you to crack. To make a mistake and prove him right that all humans are flawed. All but him. He's perfect and at some point, you began believing that as well. A god living amongst humans, using them like pawns to some sick twisted game he’s created. 

You want to leave him. Find better, because there's better out there but you can't. You're in love with him and that's the most dangerous feeling of all.

"I love you," he expresses in a low voice, dark eyes focusing on the way your breath hitches in hearing his confession. It's your first time hearing him say it, and you aren't sure what to say back. You love him but you also know that the moment those three words leave your mouth...that's the day you’ll see how trapped you really are. He's told you that you aren't confined to him, but it's a lie. You can't leave him and he knows it. It's why a confident smirk splits across his face and a hand of his finds its way around your soft throat. He leans up, still moving his hips, looking down at you through dark lashes. "Too afraid to say it back? That's alright. Your silence speaks for itself, you know."

Raw anger courses through your veins as you claw at his back, feeling your walls constrict around him in shame. He's rough and disregarding in the way he slaps you across the cheek, cooing as fresh tears fall down your face. He tells you how pretty you look when you're staring up at him in hate. How much he adores watching you break over and over at the realization that this is your life. Doomed to love a man that's irrevocably insane.

"I hate you so much," you sputter out and feel one of your hands pull away from his back and lock above you. He holds your wrist in an iron grip, head tilting in mild wonder.

"Hate is a strong word when you're crying and babbling about how good I fuck you." His nose skims across the center of your throat before trailing up over your lips and pressing against yours. You can't escape his scent; through the sweat is a faint hint of earthly melange, tonka bean and jasmine. He isn't a cologne sort of guy so he burns through a few candles a day and smells like them without fail. Vanilla also wafts past your nose, caressing your senses like hot rocks on an aching back. It's soothing and it almost makes you forget where you're at.

You blink and are forced back into reality, noticing the frown on your boyfriends' face. 

"Where did you go?" He asks you and you think of what to say. The truth?

"I...I was thinking about the candles you like so much. Did you light some today?"

His scoff at your obvious question makes you flinch and think about turning your head to the side, away from his judgemental gaze. What keeps you is that smile... You know that smile. 

The day that you met, he was timid. A shy one that caught your eye by the way he made you feel with numerous compliments and shy kisses. The gentleman that walked you home to make sure you made it back safely. 

You like looking back on that day. Eren was so nervous, and he made plenty of mistakes to show for it. It was the most you'd ever laughed. After a while, he got comfortable. There were no more surprise dates or spontaneous sex behind a ride at the amusement park. The inquiries about you and your life stopped and you began to feel insignificant in his eyes. Beginning to believe that he's grown bored of you and seeks someone more exciting; refreshing.

It's scary to know that you're being replaced. That you're no longer enough. It has you wondering what you are kept around for if not because you're wanted and loved. Is it because of what you give him, even when you hardly feel like it? Has giving into him each time become boring for him? 

You consider yourself to be a people pleaser. Someone that loves to give and doesn't ever expect anything back. It's a double edged sword. Overtime, it hurts to always give and never receive. Especially in a relationship. You love Eren, but loving him has become too painful to bear. There needs to be a breaking point for you...and you're almost positive you've reached it.

"Of course I did," he answers, pecking your  lips as he moves his hand from your throat to rest against the cheek he'd previously hit. "I'm sorry, by the way." You release a breath you didn't know you've been holding in. "I don't like being mean, but sometimes the things you say really get under my skin. You know this and still do it. Why?" He questions and there's a sense of deja vu in the air. 

Eren is manipulative in every sense of the word. He turns situations around from himself to you, making it seem as though you're the cause. He's always the victim and it's unnerving how well he plays this role of his. Nothing is ever his fault because he's perfect and you're flawed to the soul. Even so, you put up with it all and love him the same because he's all you've ever known. First boyfriend who managed to take all of your other firsts. How can you let go of someone you've known for so long? 

He's so imperfect that he's begun appearing absolutely perfect in your eyes. He feeds you many lies, obvious ones, that you end up turning into nothing but truths because he’d never lie to you. He loves you. More than anyone. The love of his life and lying to someone like that—it isn't love. 

"I'm sorry," you quickly say. It's meant to disperse the conflict that's sure to come from a topic like this so you're happy to nip it in the bud and move on. It pleases him enough so he peppers your face in gentle kisses, causing you to quickly forget all of the things that's truly wrong with him. Wrong with you, even. 

He touches you like you're made of glass now, but the feeling remains at the back of your mind as you fall into a deep black mass of nothingness, too afraid to stay at the surface because that's where Eren is and you want to be as far away from him as humanly possible.

He groans and asks you if you're close. You don't verbally answer but your body takes care of that for you as you fight to hold onto him with your free hand, pulling him even closer than he already is. He's mumbling nonsense in your ear about loving you until the end of time. That you're the only one for him. That he'll never let you go and all of that acts as chains that continue to weigh you down further...and further... Until there isn't any light at the end of the tunnel. When you reach the end, it's black. There's nothing but more false promises that you happily take because you're now positive that you can't get any better than him.

That Eren is all you need.

"Fuck," he groans into your neck, almost biting into your shoulder as you wince, blinking away wave of frustrated tears, trying to egg on your orgasm so that it'll all be over and done with. "Gonna let me breed this tight cunt of yours? Imma fill you up, baby. Get you nice and full. Would you like that?" He's abusing your poor cunt, rendering you almost speechless as you feel yourself tip over the edge just as you go to make a response. 

You cum before him and it angers him because you fall limp, and it does almost nothing for him. The moment you realize this, it’s too late. 

"Eren, I-"

"Shut up." 

You're flipped onto your stomach and feel his hands roughly pull you up into the air, angling you just right. You open your mouth to speak but you’re quickly cut off by a hand clamping over your mouth and feeling his cock sink back inside of you without warning. He's fucking into you with shared hate, telling you that you're useless and warns you not to cum again. Not before he does and it makes you cry. You know that crying only excites him more but you can't help it. Life is unfair. So unfair. You only desire for him to love you like he did in the beginning of your relationship. Wondering how things came to be like this. 

Where is the guy that you used to know?

When he cums, he paints your aching walls with white, gripping onto your waist leaving pretty bruises for you to cry more about later. Your entire body hurts when he pulls out and presses you into the sheets. You're panting and he's releasing the rest of himself along your back, mumbling something that you can't quite make out. Your mind feels too foggy to understand anything but you catch the last of what's being said to you, heart wrenching painfully inside of your chest.

"—be back later, kay?" 

In truth, you don't  want him to come back. You often wish that he'd get into a tragic accident and never make it back home. Or, he decides to stay with the girl he's been fucking behind your back, letting you go completely. Once and for all. You wish for a lot of things but they never seem to come true. 

You're doomed to an ugly reality with no means to escape.

You pity the girl that lies on the bed, alone in a room that feels like it's getting closer and closer. Feels sorry for the girl that is overshadowed by another, never meant to be as important as her. You also pity the girl that Eren has his eyes set on. She's been subjected to a life of pain, shame and utter misery but doesn't even know it yet. 

You laugh to yourself. Laugh until your sides begin to hurt and the pain near your heart sticks in its final pin.

"I hate this. I hate him so fucking much."

— present.

Bright white teeth flashed underneath the gleaming lights above, clearly laughing over something his friend and date were talking about. 

The situation-ship with him had been so toxic, there was nothing you wanted more than to continue ignoring his entire existence. It worked since you graduated and moved away. There was no reason you needed to talk to him again.

That was the moment you'd realized that Armin had changed as well. His glasses were also gone and looked a bit taller. His ears were pierced and there looked to be a shiny new ring on his finger—

"Holy shit, is he getting married?!" You half whispered to yourself, eyes almost popping out of your head. You squinted to see it better and it was unmistakable. The lights in the room reflected off of the silver band wrapped around his ring finger, proving to be true.

"Who?" Sasha squeezed past a couple to get to you, looking around the room once she was by your side again. "Who's getting married?"

"Armin. Remember? The guy that was friends with Eren back in high school," you answered, unable to stop staring at them. Married? It had only been five years. How did someone marry in that short amount of time?

She gasped, looking between you and the blond across the room. "Are you shitting me? That's Armin? Wow," she finished off her glass, shaking her head. "He looks...different."

"Yeah. They both do."

It was strange seeing people from high school and finding out how they grew up years after graduating and leaving. Eren and Armin used to keep to themselves. Were practically loners that talked about star wars and video games. When Eren was brought up in a conversation earlier, you'd acted as if you didn't know who Sasha was referring to. There was no reason to even speak to either of them. Especially Eren. As far as you knew, he was just another person in the room.

"I need me a man," you breathed, taking a sip from your glass. Sasha giggled, placing hers on an empty tray that a waiter was holding, walking past the two of you.

"No you don't. Not just because you see a bunch of these people coupled up." She wrapped her arm around yours, locking it there. She smiled. "We'll get boyfriends. Eventually… In the meantime, I say, let's do a little mingling so we won't give everyone the impression that we don't like them."

You frowned a little. "Yeah but I don't like half of them. Some were real assholes back then."

Sasha sighed before pulling up a fake smile. "Okay. Let's just pretend we forgot, hm?" And just like that, you were pulled off into the crowd you tried your best to stay away from and were forced to say hello, and fall down memory lane with half of the room. Most were boring conversations. Majority of the people you talked to only wanted to boast about their successful businesses and great set of kids they had or were on the way. It was all insanely nauseating, you couldn't think of a lousier way to spend your night.

When it was time to tell stories from high school, you decided that it was time to go and get some air. There was no way you were going to stay and listen to made up stories that didn't even happen. Fabricated and beefed up to sound a little more interesting (and start unnecessary conflict).

None of that was your sort of scene so you chose to stand out by the balcony, letting the cool night air poke and prod at the rising goosebumps along your arms and legs.

With a satisfied sigh, you leaned against the stone railing that held you back from soaring to your death down below into a street that was filled with the usual click clack and chatter of the nightlife.

You'd lost Sasha in the crowd inside before Jean had grabbed the microphone and began spouting off stories you were more than positive no one in the room but him even remembered. She insisted on talking with someone and you tried to keep eyes on her but there were just so many people, it was impossible.

However, having a moment alone didn't seem like a bad thing. It was nice.

"It's peaceful out here, isn't it?" A soft spoken voice said as the owner of it moved forward to stand next to you, but far enough to give you proper space. You were tempted to look but didn't in case it ended up being someone you remembered. A confrontation you clearly wanted to steer clear from considering you'd left the party to stand out under the moonlight, alone. 

Or, so you thought.

"I'm not much for parties. I can only assume you feel the same if you're out here, away from everyone."

Why was he talking to you? Did he know you?

You took a small peek at him and thankfully he was looking out into the city. The moonlight was bright enough to illuminate his features, giving you the opportunity to recognize him immediately.

It was Armin and god did he look unreal up close.

Blue eyes that managed to look more prominent under the natural light and blond hair that never looked anything more than perfection splayed around his face. 

With a pointed nose and soft, plush lips...you found yourself accidentally staring.

He turned his head towards you with a soft smile, having felt your stare. "You haven't changed a bit."

Blink. "Huh? You...remember me?"

His laugh made your chest do something strange but you ignored it.

"Yeah! Of course, how could I not?" His eyes drifted back forward, little crinkles created next to the corners of his lashes. "You were all that Eren talked about when we were younger. He was at all of your games so by being his friend, I was there too. Plus," he winked, still smiling. "-how can I forget one of the prettiest girls in school that everyone had a crush on."

A rush of heat fought to run across your face but you held it back, biting into your lip instead.

High school was...not one of your best times, to be honest. Sure, you were slightly popular but that was by association. 

Mikasa, Annie and Ymir stole the entire school's attention from the moment they walked onto the school grounds. They were transfers and everyone drooled over their presence like it was their first time seeing girls. It didn't bother you because you had Sasha. She didn't want to be a part of their clique and that saved spending three years eating in one of the stalls of the girls' bathroom by yourself.

Sophomore year was when you'd joined the varsity tennis team. You were in a few clubs but nothing major. Tennis was your favorite sport and you were good at it.

Apparently, the clique had ended up joining as well and that was how you got close to them. Sasha was on the team too, after some serious begging, and things felt normal for a while.

Mikasa soon started dating Jean, the captain of the school's soccer team and the locker room talks between you and her got longer and longer until she considered you one of her best friends. You were different though. After declining being a part of her little group, she still wanted to have you around so you were her best friend...without the other two knowing.

After learning how possessive Ymir was over her friend, you did your best to dodge Mikasa but she was hard to push away. She kept asking you why you didn't want to hang out anymore and it was hard to explain to her the reason without worrying about the strain that was going to be put on her friendship with Ymir.

It took a while before you cracked and told her about your run in with Ymir and it went better than expected. She laughed it off and said that Ymir tended to get that way with new people. She needed to get used to you being around. That it was going to be fine.

You believed her...until your racket started to go missing from your locker. Then it moved on to finding the grip all torn up. 

There was a lot of sabotaging and it wasn't like you could've gone to the coach about it because she was only going to demand a name and you couldn't tell her who you knew it was. So, you dealt with it.

Not long after that did you find out that Ymir had a crush on Mikasa and then it all ended up making a little sense. Her behavior was finally answered for and you'd known it all along. Though, you didn't use the information to your advantage. It was just relieving to understand where Ymir was coming from.

Junior year was when the distance started. 

Less texting, less calling. Little to no contact when at school and tennis practice was agonizing because Mikasa stuck with Ymir the entire time. It was like she had forgotten who you were over the summer break and it felt a lot more painful than it was probably supposed to. It was only one year that you'd gotten to know her. Why had it hurt so bad if it was only just a year together?

Senior year came around quickly and it was all about making sure you picked the right college to go to. There was talk about where Mikasa had gotten accepted into and it ended up being the exact same university that you were thinking about applying at. After some thought, you decided to change colleges and let Sasha pick the one you two were going to try and get into together.

Everything ended up working out but your friendship with Mikasa was close to nonexistent.

Now, as you stood outside of the party (practically hiding from her), none of the experience at once being one of her closest friends felt real.

It'd almost felt like a dream.

When you tried to remember Armin and Eren, the memories were either too hazy or pushed to the back of your mind for specific reasons.

Armin, the boy with large circle glasses and Eren, the guy that couldn't stop talking about star wars and tended to play minecraft in photography class. There were a few instances where you remembered catching him pointing a camera at you but had quickly averted to snapshotting a squirrel in a tree with a very red face. Or when you two had been partners for two seconds. It was only after saying one word to him that he ended up speaking with the teacher again, begging to switch partners for the photography project.

You two stayed partners and that was how you became friends with benefits. It hadn't taken very long for him to ask you out shortly after he realized that he wanted you to be more than sex for him and you agreed.

It was good...for a while. Then it just got bad. 

Eren couldn't understand why you went to so many parties despite knowing it wasn't his scene but you couldn't understand why he cared so much when there was no reason to be so worried about you. It was a party. You always went with Mikasa and Sasha so it wasn't as if you were going to them alone and hooking up with random people. 

It was just the difference between two people.

But he got attached and possessive over you.

Stole you from classes so often that it started to affect your grades. 

If he wasn't kissing along your body, forcing you to say things you didn't mean while several inches deep in you taking advantage of your hazed state–he was manipulating you into doing whatever else he wanted you to do. 

Anything to keep you near. 

Anything to keep every other guy in school far away from you. The marks and bruises certainly did that for him.

There wasn't much to hold onto when it came to remembering the two; more specifically Eren. Both stayed to themselves after you and him broke him and when everyone graduated, you never heard or saw them again.

That was why seeing Eren after all of those years again was a little startling and unsettling. Especially considering how different he not only dressed now but how grown up he looked.

"So, married huh?"

Armin blew out a breath, opening his eyes to focus on the way the clouds moved throughout the sky. "Yeah. Crazy, right?" He chuckled. "Truthfully, I didn't see myself getting married until my late 20s but...here I am."

Telling by the tone of his voice, it hadn't sounded like someone excited about spending the rest of their life with someone. It made you frown a little, wondering if he had been the one proposed to instead.

"I'm 23. I'm not sure I'm actually ready for marriage."

You studied his face and knew that he was being honest. What were you supposed to say? Or were you meant to just listen?

"I love Annie. I do." He poured his body weight into his dominant arm, using the other to run a hand through his hair with a sigh, ruining the perfect style that it was just in. "I'm just starting to think that this marriage thing is happening a little fast. Sure, we've got a baby on the way, but who said we had to be married before the baby came," he looked at you, amused by the shock on your face. "Oh. It doesn't look like you were informed." He giggled. "Yeah. I'm going to be a dad soon."

"Wha- When did this happen? Wait," you shook your head, trying to process the new information. "A baby?"

His face stretched into a beautiful smile, head tilted as he stared at you. "Yeah, a baby. This party is sort of surrounded by the news, actually." His face fell a little. "It's kind of why I'm hiding out here with you. Between all of the questions concerning us and the baby and talking about our engagement and the wedding...I just needed some air."

You fixed your lips into the form of a pout as you gave it some thought before opening your mouth again.

"You know...there's still time to run."

His laugh was genuine and filled the air quickly. You couldn't even bite back the smile that fought its way across your face.

"Yeah. Running. I could, but I love her. I could never leave her like that."

"Mm. Well, I don't have any experience with marriage or babies but I can tell you that it'll all work itself out. It's valid that you feel this way because it's going to be your first child and your first marriage. It seems like things are moving really fast but...I'm getting the feeling that you'll be able to handle it. If not," you shrugged, smiling. "I'm here if you want to talk. Or I can talk with both of you some time if things get too stressful."

Armin watched you look out into the night sky, eyes sliding down to your all-black attire, finding you seemingly perfect. He knew that you had talked about going into psychology in high school, but he wondered how it all worked out for you in the end.

"Thank you. I mean it. Uh...just out of curiosity, what do you do? If you don't mind me asking."

You smiled and hummed, fiddling with the jewelry around your fingers. "I'm a psychotherapist. I work with people of all ages, tackling their concerns and lending an ear, and giving a little insight on them." You looked at him. "So you were right. I haven't changed much at all."

He nodded. "The job fits you. You're good at this."

And it was back. 

You felt your entire body warm up at his compliment. "I...try to do what I can and just hope it's enough."

Blue eyes met you with promise, smiling. 

"Trust me. It is."

The talk between you and him lasted a little while longer until Sasha came out, looking for you. She'd also mentioned that Annie was inside searching for him as well so that was his queue to go back in.

"So," Sasha began and watched Armin walk back into the party. She wiggled her eyebrows, smirking. "Wanna tell me what that was about?"

You gave her a strange look and laughed, "You're kidding me, right?" Sasha didn't look like she was joking in the slightest. "Yeah, alright look. He's getting married, okay. I'm not a homewrecker."

Sasha put her hands up in defense, "Not saying you are but uh..." The smirk was back. "With a baby on the way and being 23, not sure he's all that happy so I'm just saying be a friend with a shoulder. Or...if you wanna offer up something else-"

"My god, you're impossible!" You exclaimed in embarrassment, heading back into the party and away from your maniac of a friend. Sasha laughed.

"I'm just sayin'!" as she followed you in.

xxxxxx

The party lasted another hour before everyone had to go back home for either work in the morning, their kids or were just downright exhausted from mingling and drinking too much.

You'd manage to stay out of Mikasa's line of sight the entire time and could enjoy some of the party.

Sasha was riding home with her other close friend, Connie, so there was only you to take care of.

You weren't much of a drinker, so you were still very much sober and could drive yourself back home.

As you were walking towards the entrance, you stopped in your tracks and cursed under your breath. You knew you had forgotten something. Your purse was still laying on the back wall table.

With the determined mind of going back to get it and heading out before anyone you knew saw you, you spun on your heel and ran right into a hard body.

You blinked and opened your mouth to apologize when a voice interrupted you.

"Excuse you?" A feminine voice spoke, and you looked up to see who it was.

Eren?

Did his voice get higher too?

"Wait..." The voice said, a bit cautious. You looked to the left and saw your worst nightmare. In the flesh. "I remember you." This wasn't happening.

You fixed up your best fake smile and widened your eyes to act as if you were surprised yet happy to see her. "Mikasa?" She smiled beautifully and was undeniably stunning up close.

In school, she'd always kept her hair fairly short but the Mikasa that stood in front of you now had grown it out down to her slender waist. It was half up, half down, paired with hairsticks that seemed to do well at keeping the half up portion out from her porcelain face. There was a soft apply of eyeliner and mascara but the bold red lipstick on her lips tied it all together. Everything about her was perfect. Even the long, black bodycon evening dress she had on looked to be molded against her body. Like you remembered, her ease into perfection didn't fail to push you back into that tiny box labeled 'insecurities'.

"Well you look gorgeous," she said, eyeing you down in wonder. "Though, you always did pull off the best suits." The way she said that, it sounded a little condescending but you chose to ignore it. "So," her arm tightened around Eren's, smiling sweetly at you. "I'm a little disappointed that we didn't get to chat tonight. I was looking for you." She giggled and patted his chest with her free hand. "I had Eren here do a little searching for me but," she shrugged. "No luck either. Maybe we could grab a coffee sometime and just catch up?" She then leaned towards you, hand cupped over her mouth and lowered into a whisper. "Then I can tell you all about how the hell I ended up dating this one."

Eren rolled his eyes, smirking. "As if we didn't make out a million times throughout high school. In the janitor's closet, no less."

Your brows twitched. What?

They were seeing each other while you and him were together? 

Then what had been the point of being so possessive over you when he was messing around with someone else? Why had he done all of that to keep you when he–

Mikasa straightened up and laughed, hitting his arm. "Well leave something for me to tell my oldest friend about, will ya?"

He chuckled and nodded, looking at you.

For some reason, when his eyes made contact with yours, it was as if your body had tried to shut down. Your heart thumped hard against your chest and your breath hitched. There was something different from catching him across the room than seeing him up close. Much different.

He was taller and his features were sharper. Had his brows always been naturally dark? Jade eyes that pierced through you like they were trying to look into you and see the way he was affecting you. Beautiful viridescent eyes that tried searching yours but for what?

Mikasa looked good with him and he looked good with her. They were perfect for each other, which wasn't how you saw either of their futures panning out. To see them together, it was like two perfect puzzle pieces. It only pained you because it made you realize that the majority of your class had husbands, wives or boyfriends and girlfriends and then... 

Well then, there was you.

Whoever said being single isn't all that bad—lied.

"Well, we should probably get going. It's getting late and we've got one more stop before going home." Mikasa grinned at you then at Eren who tore his gaze from you to her. "Are you still up for...?"

"Hell yeah," he said with a smirk. You couldn't help but notice the way his hand squeezed her waist and the look they shared.

You grimaced. Yeah, that was a conversation you definitely didn't want to stay in on.

"Alright, well!" You said with a big smile, pointing to your purse that was still on the table across the room. "Gonna go grab that and head out myself. It was really nice seeing you two again. You both look great by the way." Eren smiled at you. Mikasa quickly dove into her handbag and retrieved her phone.

"Wait, let's exchange numbers." She looked up from her cell and winked. "I was serious about that coffee, you know."

"Oh," you chuckled, having hoped she would have forgotten about that by now. "Yeah, absolutely!" You gave her your number and then they were off. The sigh that slipped past your lips was purely out of dread. There was a good chance that she was going to end up forgetting about that coffee and that was what you were going to hold onto for the next week or so, waiting for her to not contact you.

"Me and Eren have been together ever since. I really...I really love him and I love the way that he loves me. I can't ask for a better boyfriend."

"I'm so happy for you. Really, I am."

"Thank you. I hope that you'll find your perfect person too! They're out there somewhere. Just keep being patient."

"Yeah, hah. We'll see."

"Never know! Could be someone you've already met before."

"And how likely is that?"

"More than you'd know."

Several weeks later, Mikasa had in fact remembered but the coffee date turned out better than you were expecting.

You two caught up on quite a bit and she told you how she ended up dating Eren. They were seeing each other (behind your back) for a few months their senior year and then chose the same college. They went on to make things official their sophomore year.  

The way she spoke about him...it was clear that he was a completely different person than when he was with you, back in high school. Despite seeming different now, that didn't mean you were ready to be friends again. If you could hang out with Mikasa and never see him, it sounded perfect.

Knowing that they were dating didn't bother you in the slightest. Or at least, that was what you tried telling yourself. 

After the date with Mikasa, you decided to go and visit Armin at his new bakery shop.

It was learned through Mikasa that he was stressed about what goods to display and you loved sweets so why not?

The door chimed as you pushed it open and was welcomed by the fresh smell of baked goods and the strong smell of vanilla with a hint of cinnamon.

"Wow," you breathed, looking at how beautiful the set up around the shop was. There looked to be some real work put into everything. 

It had his touch, that was for sure.

"Hey!" Armin said as he rounded the corner, coming out of the kitchen. "What brings you here, pretty girl?"

With a kind smile, you walked up to the counter and stared at all of the baked goods that were in the displays. "A little birdie told me that you needed a taste tester and well," your skin flushed. "I was wondering if I happened to fit the job?"

His smile was bright and immediate, leaning up against the counter with his hands supporting his weight. "You're perfect for the job actually," and you were quickly bombarded with different samples to try.

"So...what do you think?" Armin asked, wiping his hand clean on his apron as he studied your face to catch you in a lie in case you tried to save his feelings from getting hurt.

You nodded, stuffing a cream covered thumb in your mouth with surprised eyes. "Mm! It's really good!"

He chuckled at the way you tried to talk around your thumb. "Yeah?" He moved a hand up to your face and your body went rigid. "Sorry, you've got some whipped cream on your nose. Mind if I...?" You looked at him, sure that your face looked strange, and shook your head as he continued. "Are you usually such a messy eater?" He asked with a laugh, swiping the cream off with his index finger. 

"Uh, no. Not really, just," your eyes searched around until he held out what he figured you were looking for. With a shy smile, you took the napkin, cleaning off your other fingers. "The cake was really good. I just wasn't worried about keeping clean."

Armin was still a breath away, close enough to kiss you if he wanted to. Did you want him to?

No. Annie. Think about Annie. Remember? His very pregnant fiancé?

"That's quite alright," he leaned back against the counter, his elbow keeping him up while you were sitting on the counter next to him. You tried to act like you were busy with cleaning your hands but they were already clear of any cake residue. It hadn't felt awkward but you were notorious for creating it in random situations. "So...which one should I display? The cake or the cinnamon rolls?"

You hummed, looking in between the two with narrowed eyes. "Man, that's a tough one. Are you sure you have to choose?" You looked at him and he was staring at the two in thought.

"Yeah, I mean... All of my other displays are full and I don't want to replace any." He looked back at you with a pout. "It's hard to think about getting rid of any of my goods when everyone still likes them all. Including me."

It was between the delicious whipped cake or the buttery cinnamon rolls. It had to go with the season and cinnamon rolls felt reserved for autumn heading into winter. Cakes were all year around but Armin owned a bakery. It needed to be seasonal like the rest of his goods were. With that being said...

"Let's go with the cinnamon rolls." You smiled watching as his eyes lit up. Seemed like that had been his first choice from the start. He didn't want to say anything that would've tampered with your opinion. Thoughtful and smart. No wonder he was married with a baby on the way. "I think they would be perfect around the holidays."

"I love it! You read my mind," he sent you a wink before taking the cake towards the back to store for later. 

As you waited for him to come back, you looked around the store and couldn't help but wonder if Armin had fixed up the place on his own or had some help with it. 

Dark wooden tables around the shop with the chairs to match and dark flooring that looked close to black. The color scheme of the entire shop was a dark brown and it fit with the atmosphere. It was the first bakery shop you'd ever seen with dark colors. It didn't seem like it would've come as a shock that Armin had done it all by himself. Or the majority of it.

There were low hanging light fixtures all about the shop but only two stayed on, which were those that hung above you to illuminate the space you were still seated at. There was a large case filled with different foods and a smaller case near the register that had nothing but muffins, cookies, small slices of cake and danishes in it. 

It was a cozy little shop. It was no wonder Mikasa always talked about Armin being in it instead of going out and doing things with her. She said his shop was like his second home. He baked when he was happy and he baked when he was sad. 

"Nothing has ever caught and kept Armin's attention more than baking," Mikasa once told you with a faint smile. "Before meeting Annie, he declined a date with a pretty girl once just because he had catering to do. It could've waited or he could've invited her to his shop and just shown her how he did things there. It would've still been a date. Ah, she was such a sweet one too but he gets so immersed into baking that he isn't able to see anything else. Or anyone else, for that matter. Except Annie." She giggled, downing the last sip of water from her bottle. "But lately...I've been seeing something different." She eyed you down, thinking. "He's been a little...distracted and I haven't been able to understand why. Either way, he bakes for a completely different reason than what I'm sure most people think. He's got a past, like the rest of us, that he doesn't want to confront. Should probably book a session with you sometime, huh?"

It sounded as if she was speaking lightly back then but being with Armin and talking with him...could she have been telling some sort of truth?

"Hey, sorry for taking so long," he said as he came around the corner, cleaning his hands again. There was a clear tint of redness across his face but it was faint and you had to squint to make sure you saw it. "I...accidentally dropped the cake." Ah. He was embarrassed.

You smiled. "Mm. Let me guess, you don't drop cakes very often huh?"

Armin shook his head, "Nah, not really a cake dropper. It's not exactly something I excel at." He smiled back when you laughed, mesmerized by the way the corners of your lips tilted up. "This may sound sudden but you…have a really pretty smile."

You stared at him, barely blinking.

He was definitely flirting and you weren't sure how to respond.

"Oh," you slowly slid off of the counter, looking everywhere but back at him. "Thank you."

"You know," he suddenly reached out, slowly to not startle you. "I'm not sure if I was too obvious or not but," he picked something out of your hair, looking at you. "I like you and that may sound crazy because Annie's still in the picture, but I don't know. I just... I think I want to get to know you better. I do like what I've seen so far, personality wise. I’m obviously very physically attracted to you and want to kno-"

"Armin," you interrupted, gently pushing his hand away. "We... No. I can't let you do this. I'm sorry and I'm saying this because I respect you and Annie." The apologetic look on your face made him back up and lean against the opposite counter with a sigh. "I'm sorry."

"Fuck. No, I'm so sorry," he muttered, looking down in shame. "I've just been so stressed. Me and Annie...we aren't doing so good honestly." The laugh he let out was dry and meaningless. "We put on a front at that party." He sniffled, frowning down at the floor. "I know it's because she's pregnant but lately... Lately it's felt less like we're in a relationship and more like we're just friends having a baby, if that makes any sense."

With a frown, you nodded. "It makes perfect sense, Armin." You stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. He looked at you through wet lashes and you let out a breath. "Just take it a day at a time and I want to suggest that you talk to her about how you feel. Sure she can't read your mind."

He searched through your eyes and found nothing but genuine concern. That calmed him down a bit but that wasn't enough to make him feel any less embarrassed about how he'd just acted towards you.

"Thank you. That means a lot. Again."

The both of you laughed as he got himself together and smiled. "Okay. I should get this place ready to officially open tomorrow and I'll let you get home before it gets too late."

You smiled back and patted his shoulder. "Don't work too late. Annie needs you."

He chuckled, shoving his hands in his apron. Blues shining under the fluorescent lights above. "Yes ma'am."

When you left, it was hard to convince yourself to forget about how good Armin smelled when he got that close to you. The way his voice lowered an octave and held your gaze better than anyone you'd ever met. How gentle he touched you and spoke to you. It only told you how lucky Annie was and how good of a person you were for choosing to not to be a complete home-wrecker just now.

Nothing needed to happen between you two. Friends was a safe bet. Though, if he couldn't handle things as they were now, then when the baby came he was going to be extremely stressed out. Maybe Mikasa had been onto something.

Maybe Armin needed to book a session with you soon.

Him and Annie.

When you got back home, you started with a fresh shower first before heading into the kitchen to warm up some leftovers.  

With your damp hair up and your signature robe on, you floated throughout the kitchen. With your mind active in thinking about Armin and what you felt was going to help him the best, you couldn't eat at the table. So, you chose to sit at the bar and eat.

You lazily mixed up the spaghetti and pouted in thought. "Why do I get the feeling that just talking with him won't be enough to help?" You didn't want to get into his business with his relationship with Annie and preferred waiting on one of them to come to you, but you saw the way he struggled earlier. Armin was stressed out and confused. However, a talk with Annie felt like the best route. You assumed that after he spoke with her about how he was feeling, she would end up being understanding. Those things would end up working themselves out (hopefully for the better).

As soon as you were about to stuff a forkful of pasta into your mouth, that was when your phone buzzed. You were going to ignore it but it didn't stop. 

"Who's calling this late?"

You flipped the device over to reveal an unknown number trying to face-time you. 

Weird. No one you didn't know had your number and those that did were strictly told to not give it out to anyone that asked unless they asked you directly. Your friends, especially Sasha, understood that but then a thought hit you. You'd given your number to Mikasa recently. What if she had given it out? But to whom?

Out of pure curiosity, you decided to hit the 'accept' button but turned your camera off just in case it was someone you didn't know. 

The other end was silent for a long while. It made you anxious and you were extremely close to hanging up when a low voice spoke up.

"Yo, are you busy or something?"

You blinked, staring at the device.

Then he laughed. "Is your camera off? What? Do you look like shit right now?"

Eren?

With a sigh in annoyance, wondering why Mikasa had given him your number in the first place, you picked up the phone and turned the camera on. "What the hell do you want? Talk fast. I've got some itchy fingers ready to end this call any second now."

The brunette smirked and placed his arm behind his head. It looked like he was in bed. 

'Ugh,' you thought to yourself. He was video calling you while in bed. Him. In bed. You. On the phone. With him.

As if to make matters worse, you saw your reflection in the front view of your phone and squeezed your eyes shut. He was right. You definitely looked like shit. 

"Oou shit, you do look gross," he said, laughing again but harder this time. 

You reopened your eyes and glared at him with a finger hovering over the 'end' button. "Talk fast, Eren. You're on very thin ice."

As much as you wished he looked equally gross, he didn't. Never could.

He was, in fact, in bed and because of that, he was only wearing sweats and his hair looked damp as well. Seemed like he had just showered too but didn't dry off well enough. His chest was littered with drops of water and it was almost as distracting as his annoying smirk. 

It was as if he existed to torture you in the worst possible ways. 

"Alright, alright." You noticed that he was chewing gum. As if he wasn't being intrusive enough. "Can you like...add me as a contact in your phone? Because the next time that I call, I don't really wanna wait 80 years for you to pick it up because you don't know who it is."

Your eyes narrowed. "You have one more minute before you're hearing the dial tone."

"Okay!" he exclaimed before pulling a pillow on his chest to hug. He pouted, "You're so bossy. Anyway, I just wanted to see what you were up to. Mikasa's still out and I got a little bored so I thought to just call you."

You sighed, tempted to pinch the bridge of your nose to remind yourself that this was actually happening. "You got bored. Is that really the only reason I'm being forced to talk to you right now?"

Eren picked at the black corded bracelet around his wrist, green eyes focused on the clasp that held it together. "Yeah?"

"Oh my god."

"You called," he said, looking back at the screen with a dumb smile on his face. Was this hell?

"Eren," you said in a warning tone and he groaned, putting the pillow over his face. Even with the cotton in between him and the speaker, it was still hard to ignore the chewing.

"Can't you just entertain a guy?" He asked through the pillow and you mumbled under your breath about a lot of ways you could entertain him when he shoved the pillow down slowly, revealing a devilish half smile. "You know what," he interrupted you. His eyes scoured what he was able to see, which (unfortunately) wasn't much. Although, your robe wasn't secured all the way. He got a good enough view of the top of your breasts and licked his lips. "Maybe you can give me a strip show." He got comfortable in bed, ditching the pillow completely and rested the phone on his chest with his other arm back behind his head. "Just something to pass the time."

You looked at him like he was genuinely insane. Then you nodded, "Yeah, ending the call now."

"Only chickens say no," he sang, teasingly.

"Then I'm a chicken," you snapped back.

Eren pouted again and it was hard to ignore him this time. "Not even a peek? Just a small one?"

In some alternate world, if you had done anything he said, it wasn't going to stop. He was going to want more. That was just how he was. Selfish, and greedy.

Has he really changed all that much from before? Was he still as manipulative as back then? What if instead of getting better, he'd gotten worse over the years? If that was the case, it was a wonder how Mikasa was able to deal with someone like that.

"Uhh, no." You closed your robe even more, frowning. "I don't do that and we're not even close. Not that if we were close, I'd show you anything. Plus, you already know what I look like underneath all of this. Or did you forget."

He jutted his lips out like he was really trying to remember and you set the phone back down, letting him enjoy the view of your ceiling. You heard him laugh through the speakers and was thankful that you had adjusted the view because you couldn't fight off a smile any longer. 

Eren was still unbelievably annoying but just as attractive and able to get what he wanted just like before. It wasn't like you were ready to get naked in front of him again...or ever. It was just nice seeing and talking to him again.

Wow, did you really just think that?

It was late and you were losing your mind over what almost happened with Armin earlier.

Yeah. That was it. Had to be it. 

"Okay, okay. I won't ask anymore," you heard him say and his voice had trailed off a little bit. It gave you a moment to take the bite you had missed out on when you answered the call earlier. 

After a few more bites, you'd noticed how quiet the other line got and with furrowed brows and newfound curiosity, you leaned over to find the screen grayed out. His camera was off. Weird. He must've gone to the bathroom or something. Was it your queue to finally end the call and pretend that the whole conversation never happened?

"Yep."

You were about to hit the 'end' button when you heard a faint groan. 

You squinted at the blank screen, having convinced yourself that if you looked hard enough, you were going to see something.

You weren't wrong.

His camera was still on, it was just the view of his ceiling too. The camera shook a little but it would've gone unnoticed if you weren't looking as hard as you were.

Then it was quickly picked up and you moved away from the screen, heart pounding from trying to be so nosy. 

But what was that noise about?

"Sorry," Eren mumbled, trying to get comfy in his bed again. "I stubbed my toe before getting back in bed so if you heard that – sorry again."

You rolled your eyes, "Should've known."

"Hey so be honest with me," he shuffled around until he was on his side. As you ate, you watched him struggle to set his phone up against one of his pillows so that he was able to talk, hands free. "Are you still mad at me for how I acted in high school or...?" After you picked the phone back up, there was a weird look on your face and he laughed, covering his face, laying against the bed. "No! Okay I mean like..." he dropped his hands and turned his head to look at you. You gulped down the pasta and paid attention. You had a strange feeling he was about to say something serious for once and didn't want to blow him off. "After finding out, at the reunion, that I was also with Mikasa back then when I was supposed to be with just you."

It took a lot of tries before it actually registered in your head that he was genuinely worried about your feelings. 

Maybe it was worth entertaining.

You pushed the bowl of pasta away before giving him a proper answer.

"Truthfully?" He nodded, and it was like he was holding his breath as he got ready to hear what he'd been wanting to know since he’d seen you again. "No. I'm not mad about that. Sure, it was a dick move but that was years ago, Eren. We've grown up a lot since then and I don't hold grudges that old."

He let out a long breath, proving you right. He had been nervous to hear what you were going to say and looked relieved to know that you weren't holding onto any resentment towards how he acted when he was younger. 

How could you be upset or even hate him for what he did? It was so long ago and it shouldn't define who he grew up to be. Him and Mikasa looked steady and happy. They were sure to have their own problems, because what relationship didn't? However, it really did look like he wasn't making the same mistakes from back then.

Eren...Eren might've grown up. He wasn't that sixteen year old boy that you'd met, dated and left all those years ago.

The person that stared back at you through the screen was no boy. He was a man now, and it was almost hard to come to terms with because you'd always (secretly) wondered what he ended up being like after graduating.

Maybe a friendship was possible. If there were no real grudges held...what was stopping you? 

You didn't hate him. Not really. It was more on the lines of it shouldn't have happened. That the relationship between the two of you back then shouldn't have happened and yet it was a memory that you couldn't erase. 

"Good," he said, turning back over onto his side with his head resting against the palm of his hand, staring at the screen. His abdomen flexed with the movement along with the tendons in his arms. "Would probably cry if I found out that my favorite girl hated me."

You smiled a little, looking down. "You're so annoying, you know that?"

"Mmm, I do get that quite often actually so I'm pretty aware," he said through a cheesy grin, messing with his hair. 

As you stared at him, using that moment where he was distracted, you couldn't deny the extreme growth he had gone through from high school to now. 

From his voice, the length of his hair and how he acted. Moreover, his physique. Lean, athletic. Someone that looked like he worked out a few times a week but wasn't exactly a gym head. Just liked to stay toned. You wondered if he still liked to keep a stash of junk food by his bed like he used to or had he grown out of that as well. 

Did he still play video games? What was his job? Mikasa hadn't told you much about him but since she'd given him your number, did that mean that she was open to you talking to him on a friendship level? She didn't seem like someone that was insecure enough to keep her boyfriend away from every girl on the planet but still...

"Probably should take a screenshot," he smirked. "Wouldn't wanna forget what I look like later on, huh?"

You groaned, putting your head down in embarrassment. "Shut. Up."

His annoying laugh flowed through the speakers again, and you smiled so hard that your cheeks began to hurt. 

You'd almost forgotten what it was like talking to him again. 

It was refreshing and addictive. To hear his voice, his laughter. Those were things that you didn't know you missed but were happy to have again.

After that conversation, to your surprise...there were more. 

Eren called you almost every night and you found out it was because Mikasa had the most clients around the late evening, so he was stuck by himself. He told you that he usually would've called Armin or Jean, but both were busy with their girls to entertain him so you were now stuck with the job.

Of course, he'd suggested that the two of you meet up and just catch up in person but you told him that you weren't ready for that yet. That was when he knew that there were still some things from the past that you were holding onto, but claimed weren't grudges. 

Were they?

More like things that you were still uneasy about. Things that you couldn’t just store away and pretend hadn’t happened. Nothing like holding a grudge, but just being cautious.

Either way, he understood so he kept his distance and enjoyed what he could get.

Which, unbeknownst to you...that was what he liked.

Not being able to physically see you but still have some sort of contact. To not know when (or if) he was going to be able to talk to you in person again. 

Eren always did enjoy the chase.

There was not a phone call that you missed nor a text that you ignored, and it started to become a little too natural. Too easy. 

When you got home one night, you ran yourself a bath first before eating dinner. It was like clock work...usually. 

By this time, Eren would've called but there was nothing but radio silence. 

It was strange.

You sat at the edge of the claw foot tub, brows pushed together as you reached a hand out to test the temperature of the water.

Idiotic. You couldn't help but feel dumb for getting so used to him being there when you forgot that Mikasa was very much in the picture. They were together. A couple. He wasn't supposed to be available for you to talk to whenever you wanted him to be. It didn't work like that and you shouldn't have thought that way. 

If he couldn't call, it was normal. Maybe he was out with her. Like on a date or something. If so, it wasn't any of your business and there was always next time. Or a time after that and so on. 

You sighed. 

"I need to get my crap together."

Maybe a few tinder dates was what you needed sometime soon.

After the water was warm enough to your liking, you disrobed and slowly got in. Your phone was on top of the toilet lid, just at arms reach in case Sasha called you back about the spare key.

It was funny. She had lost it and got it replaced but...lost it again. So, she went back for another replacement and was supposed to be bringing it by to not lose it again. You'd suggested that she put it on a necklace chain, but not wear it as a necklace. Just have it somewhere she would remember but maybe in plain sight.

There was never a time she didn't lose something important. 

As you fell into thought, Armin came up in your mind for the millionth time today.

He'd told you recently that things were better between him and Annie. They talked through some things and now their communication skills were a lot better than before. They were both making the necessary adjustments and putting forth the right amount of effort to keep the relationship above water. 

You were happy for him.

For both of them.

"Jeez, am I really the only single one out of my friend group now?" You asked yourself as you slid your back down until the water rested just above your chin. 

Sasha was starting to see someone and you were happy for her. You didn't know much about the guy other than he was going to school to become a chef. You smiled. She also ranted about him being quite tall and how much she loved that about him. 

This was good for her. She deserved to be happy. She'd been single for a pretty long time too.

It was about time that she found someone.

With a sigh, you tilted your head up to look at the ceiling. 

"Maybe one day."

Once you had started to notice that you were pruning up from the water, you quickly washed up and got out, drying yourself as you headed back into the room. 

You tossed your cell on the bed and went into the closet to find something to throw on. Preferably a big t-shirt.

Your phone was ringing but the volume was set a bit low so you missed the first call. When you walked back into the room, you noticed the screen light up and went over to see who it was.

"Really?" You spoke low amongst yourself in surprise. 

It was a shock but nevertheless, you didn't hesitate to pick it up.

"Hey."

"Heyy, sorry to bother you so late. Were you busy?"

You sat on the edge of the bed, smiling. "No, I just got out of the tub actually. Your timing couldn't have been better."

Armin laughed on the other end and pushed his glasses back up his nose, "Well it sounds like I missed the show."

Your skin flushed at him insinuating that he wanted to see you naked but quickly wrote it off as him attempting to be somewhat funny.

"Yeah," you used your ear and shoulder to clamp down on the cell as you slid on a pair of underwear. "You sure did. So, what's got you calling so late? Not that I'm complaining. It's always nice talking to you." It just wasn't normal for him to call during the nights. You didn't want to think about there being something wrong between him and Annie or even with the baby.

"No reason. I just wanted to see how you were doing," he tried to convince you, but his tone was off. There was something else and you weren't entirely sure that you were able to question it because maybe he didn't want to talk about it.

Either way, it was something you were going to have to let him bring up instead.

"Mm, how sweet of you. I've been great actually."

"Still talking to Eren?"

"Mhm! We haven't talked much today but I still do."

"Oh. Cool."

There it was. 

Of course. 

It made sense. Maybe Armin missed hanging out with his best friend and felt like you were the cause. If you were right, was it serious enough for him to bring it up? How was it not something that could've been settled between the both of them?

You smiled, turning over to lay flat on your stomach with your legs up and crossed. "Don't worry. I'm not trying to steal your best friend."

You heard a deep chuckle on the other end, "Steal him? It's nothing like that. I just missed talking to you, actually." You didn't even have time to scream into your pillow when he continued, "Feel like you enjoy talking to him more than you do with me."

His tone had been light but you could tell by the way he said it that he was actually a bit hurt over not getting the same amount of attention from you as Eren was getting.

"Well you know what, I'm going to start bugging you a lot more." You smiled, "-really shouldn't have said that now."

"Might come off as a shock but I would love that."

"As friends."

"Of course. Nothing more."

The call didn't last long. Not when Eren had been trying to call and text you. Armin understood, said goodnight and you hit Eren's name.

"Mm, what is this?" He asked you.

"I- What?"

"Hold on."

Confused, you laid there and waited until he was done doing whatever it was that he was making you wait for.

Then a facetime call was trying to come through.

Without hesitation, you answered it and saw that he was in the bathroom with wet hair.

Why was he always either getting out of the shower or about to take one when you video called?

"There's my pretty girl," he commented and you rolled your eyes, smiling. "Mm, and she smiles. Lovely."

"You're making it very hard to stay mad at you," you mumbled, picking at a stray thread that was coming out of your blanket. "You got all busy on me."

You watched as he applied shaving cream on his face and tried to set the phone up to where you were still able to see him. The angle wasn't bad at all. You were peering up from a low angle where he was leaned forward, close to the mirror. "Sorry baby, I was a bag boy all day for Mikasa. She bought a lot of stuff and I had to carry it all." He looked down at you with a cheesy grin before flexing his arms, making you laugh. "Totally worth it because that was my arm workout for the day, huh?"

"Bag boy. That's got a nice ring to it."

His face got a little red, going back to shaving. "Use it after today and you're dead."

"Okay, okay. Fine," you casually commented, finding the shaving asmr to be quite soothing. 

The sound of him using the blade to remove the little hairs that were once there and brush the shaving cream away, it began to make you a little sleepy. Plus, you were freshly bathed and Eren wasn't helping you stay awake in the slightest.

You decided to venture off onto other apps in order to help you stay awake while still watching him shave. He was humming some tune to himself that provided good background noise once you decided to text some of your friends back. 

It was odd how easy you two fell back into old habits. Like there hadn't been an entire five year gap in between the friendship. Or...situation-ship, rather. 

Curiously enough, you couldn't help but wonder what Mikasa thought about the two of you having major contact again. It didn't seem like she was all that bothered since she had been the one to connect the two of you but you couldn't help but wonder if there was some other ulterior motive? Was it a test of some kind? 

Couldn't put it past her. She'd done it once before with Historia. Only to make sure that she was her friend and not someone wanting to get close just to get juicy intel on her. Then spread it around school. Childish, true, but Mikasa wasn't dumb. 

Turns out Historia was a genuine person and had no plans of spying on her for anything. She just wanted to be friends and that was how she claimed her place in the clique. Of course, that had all happened before you came along but Mikasa felt it was something you needed to know about.

Wasn't hard to tell that she told you that story simply because she didn't trust you fully. That was back then. Even after five years of no contact, was it wrong to have your doubts about her? When it came to her trust, it wasn't given out very easily.

It made you wonder.

Did you still have it?

"Aw, your camera's off again,” he whined.

You saw him pout and it annoyed you because he was cute when he got like that.

It was even better when you made him work to get what he wanted from you.

You clicked back into the screen and your face was back in view. He instantly smiled and grabbed a towel to clean up the excess cream. 

"There she is."

"Oh my god, Eren, stop talking like that," you groaned, wanting to throw the phone across the room.

His laugh rang through the speakers, undoubtedly at your expense. 

"You're still shy, huh?" He checked himself in the mirror before he picked up the device and began walking out of the bathroom with only a short towel draped around his neck and a towel hung low on his hips. You saw everything and wished you didn't because it made you frustrated. There weren't any real feelings for him anymore but did finding him stupidly attractive count? 

You hoped not.

"I'm not shy," you flipped onto your back and held the phone out in front of you, in the air. 

Eren had moved to the bedroom that was clear of his girlfriend, whom you only assumed was still at work. You smiled to yourself. Instead of texting and calling her, here he was. Facetiming you while shaving and walking around the apartment half naked. He was comfortable with you and you tried to not let that mean anything. 

Key word. 

Tried. 

"Liar," he sang and you flipped him off. 

"Aw, c'mon," he plopped down on the edge of the bed. His arm was tired of holding the phone at eye level so he rested his hand against his thigh and again, you had a low angle view of him. He was looking down at you through dark lashes, eyes almost greener than they were in the bathroom. It was almost hard keeping eye contact but you didn't want him to tease you or come up with crazy (not so crazy) assumptions about it.

"You can be a little meanie, can't you."

It sounded rhetorical enough to not entertain him with an answer so you settled for a hum and he smiled, watching you rub at your eyes.

"Hey, I won't hold you up. I know you're tired. We can talk sometime late-"

"No." You quickly answered, frowning. "We're talking until I fall asleep. No objections. I..." you looked to the side, finally releasing the eye contact while you told him your feelings. You would have rather died then be honest about how you felt, but as a therapist – honesty was the best policy. No friendship could survive without proper communication. You understood that more than anyone. "I kind of missed you today." When you heard him speak, you looked back at him, holding up a finger. "And don't let that go to your obnoxiously big head, alright? I only meant that I enjoy our talks so...yeah. No big deal."

Eren couldn't help but find the entire situation funny. The way you expressed your feelings looked painful and it was like watching a car wreck but he always loved every minute of it. At least you were capable of telling him what was on your mind rather than not.

"Yeah, yeah. I won't," he replied with fake sincerity as he used the towel around his neck to dry the ends of his hair. "Okay, I'm gonna put some sweats on and get in bed. Are we..." a slow smirk rose to his face. "Are we really going to fall asleep on the phone together?"

"Oh my god, don't make it a big deal," you whined, sitting up in bed. You didn't have a bra on (because why sleep with something so constricting on?) and that gave Eren a wide and clear view of your nipples that were poking against your shirt from the friction. "You're so annoying. Go put pants on. I think it's weird you've got your dick out right now with me on the phone. Perv."

He laughed out loud and fell back on the bed, looking at you from the side. "I mean, it kinda sounds like you wanna see it..."

"No! I will end this call right now, don't play with me."

Another laugh erupted from the other end, and you watched him position the camera away from the closet but it was still in view of the body mirror that they had in their bedroom. In fact, if you remembered correctly...there were a few other mirrors in the room.

You wondered why someone would want to have more than one mirror in the room unless they were-

"Oh my god."

You wanted to go back to the ten seconds where you didn't put those pieces together and realize something you wished you hadn't. 

Luckily, Eren hadn't heard you so that was a conversation you were thankful to skip.

While he was busy dressing, you reached to the side and dimmed your lamp so that it wasn't so bright. The thought of eating something was too far at the back of your mind. You were already so tired. You were just going to have to have a hearty breakfast in the morning to make up for the missed dinner.

Once you were settled into bed, comfortable underneath the sheets, you paid more attention to the screen and almost blinked yourself into another dimension.

"Eren?!"

There he stood. Barebacked in the reflection of the mirror, in front of his closet. Granted, all that you were able to see were his ass cheeks but that was already too much in and of itself. 

He looked behind him, looking for the phone he'd set down on the bed and smirked at his own reflection, figuring out that was how you were able to see him.

"I mean, you don't have to look," he responded, sending you a wink that almost made you want to throw up yet cry at the same time because even through the mirror, he looked good. 

"I've been skipping leg day for the past couple of days so sorry if they're not up to par," he commented, smirking to himself as he pulled out a pair of dark grey sweats. "Although, I'm getting the feeling that you don't really care. A view is a view right?"

He slipped on the pants and stretched with a yawn, walking back to the bed and snatching the phone up. 

The look on your face almost made him want to laugh but he enjoyed teasing you so he gave in again. "What's that look for? Did you not like it?"

Your eyebrows were pushed together and there was a cute pout on your lips. Your facial expression looked as if you'd just smelled something extremely sour and didn't know how to feel about it.

He cracked and laughed, running a hand through his hair.

"Are we sleeping or what?" He asked you.

"...yeah. I guess."

“You guessss,” he teased, reaching over and turning off the only other light in the room and got into bed with a groan, licking his lips. You were still partially visible while he was shrouded in complete darkness. In all honesty, you were thankful that he was out of your line of sight.

You'd had enough of the visuals for one night.

"So..." Eren mumbled, finding comfort at being on top of the covers. "Do we just...fall asleep or-"

"Have you really never fallen asleep on the phone before?" You asked him, the corners of your lips twitching up, wanting to smile. It would've been nice to have something to tease him about in the future. He never had a problem doing it with you.

"Of course I have!" He shot back defensively, and you couldn't help but giggle. "I just don't do it very often so it's kind of awkward."

"Wow. I can't believe the great Eren Jaeger is actually scared of a little vulnerability. Is this...his kryptonite? Stay tuned to find out."

He snorted. "Make fun of me all you want, but I've gotten to be a pretty private person since high school."

"We don't have to stay on the phone together. I mean, we can sleep now actually. Like separately."

Eren brought over the same pillow he'd had earlier and hugged it the same way. "No, this is fine. I don't mind falling asleep next to you...even though I'm pretty positive you still snore like a 30 year old man with three jobs."

You laughed out loud and wished you could hit him with something but you couldn't so you settled for making as much noise from your end. He was saying something but you were too busy rubbing the end of your phone into the sheets.

"-okay, okay! I get it!" You heard him say and laughed, pulling the device away. It was followed by another long, tired yawn. "Well, I'm about to knock out. You'd better be sleeping too."

You smiled and nodded. "I'm extremely exhausted so it won't take me long." You turned off your lamp and you were also engulfed in darkness. He couldn't see you and you couldn't see him. It made things a little less weird. At least, for you.

"Good."

The soft sound of your a/c whirring on provided the perfect background noise as you pulled a pillow close, setting your phone right next to it. 

The shuffling sounds on his end had ceased and if you paid close enough attention, his breathing had evened out. 

'He's still a fast sleeper I see,' you thought to yourself with a soft smile. 

It wasn't as weird as you'd thought it was going to be. Sure, he was at his place and you were at your own, but it still felt like he was right next to you. He made low noises in his sleep but other than that, he was quiet and it was soothing. 

Soon enough, you'd found yourself falling asleep to the sound of the air conditioning and his soft snoring.

When you opened your eyes again, it was still pitch black.

You didn't know the time but it was definitely late.

With half lidded eyes and a groggy vision, you picked up the cell that was still next to you and noticed that you'd been on the phone for six hours. It was two in the morning and it seemed like Eren was still fast asleep. The other end was a bit quiet but you figured that he had stopped snoring at some point in the night. 

You were about to end the call when you heard a deep groan. It was a bit low but it was unmistakable. 

That was Eren.

It sounded a bit similar to the sound he'd made earlier while being on call. It had come from him supposedly stubbing his toe but this sound...it didn't sound like it came from him hurting himself again. Plus, he was supposed to be in bed.

How would he stub his toe in bed?

You rubbed your eyes and quickly muted yourself as you sat up. The phone was still in your hand and you tried looking at every part of the screen to figure out what exactly was going on but it was so dark. You couldn't see anything.

"Fuck."

You froze. 

Was he...?

No.

He was just mumbling in his sleep. That was it. Nothing else.

You almost wanted to turn the light on, because listening to him in the dark made it even weirder, when you heard him shift around. Quickly after, a small light was turned on and you heard a drawer open. 

With the room illuminated, you saw a bit of the ceiling and what looked to be his arm covering some of the screen. Then the drawer closed and the sound of a cap being popped open made your stomach knot twice over.

What if you had been wrong? What if he was actually about to jerk one off with you still being on call? Then again...it wasn't like he was forcing you to stay there. Maybe he'd forgotten that the call was still going on. That made you feel like a complete pervert. Whatever he was actually doing, six hours was enough. It was late and you needed to get a few more hours of sleep. It was a Saturday which meant no work but that didn't mean you needed to stay up all night. Not with Eren about to do god knows what with you listening on the other end.

"I should hang up," you whispered to yourself, the phone still in your hand. There were more noises on the other end as you stared at whatever view he was giving you. "I need to hang up."

Then, by some strange coincidence, he picked up the phone and stared at it with furrowed brows. It was like he was trying to figure out if it was still on or not when all he had to do was tap the screen to see that it was.

"Oh my god," you breathed, thinking you had been caught. That he could see you, through the dark, watching him.

Eren's green eyes searched all across the dark screen before smirking to himself. 

"Guess she fell asleep. Probably won't mind."

You blinked as he set the phone, casually, against a pillow next to him so that you were able to see exactly what he was up to.

If only you had actually still been asleep right now. 

He was propped up against the headboard, legs out in front of him and a hand against his abdomen that flexed repeatedly with each heavy breath he took. There was no regard towards being caught by you at all. There was a lazy smile on his face, staring down at the way he leaked across his stomach. You couldn't tear your eyes away from the sight. His pajama pants were pulled down mid-thigh but aside from that, he was completely bare. It was like he wanted to be caught. Wanted you to watch him get off, but for what? What was it going to lead to? Or was it possible that he actually believed that you were still asleep? 

Eren smoothed his hand down the underside of his cock while his other hand spread across his chest, moving over a nipple. His lips were parted as he breathed out, not sparing one glance towards the phone. To you, who stared, noticing the way his thighs would twitch every time his thumb would accidentally trace over the head of his cock. 

You needed to end the call. You needed to send him a text saying that you ended the call because it was late and you didn't want your phone to overheat with it staying on for more than six hours. Some sort of convincing lie to get you out of the current situation that you were in. There was no good excuse as to why you were watching him touch himself. He had a girlfriend. Mikasa was your friend and here you were – watching her boyfriend get off on facetime, voluntarily invading his privacy.  A piece of privacy that he hadn't seemed real inclined on protecting if he wasn't able to tell that the call was still going.

Although, that still didn't justify your desire to continue watching him.

He began to give himself slow and relaxed strokes, abs tensing with each movement, "Fuck," he breathed, voice a bit raspy as he frowned and let his head fall back against the top of the short headboard. 

There you were – sat up in bed, cross-legged with a heavy throb in between your legs that wouldn't go away no matter what you tried thinking about. A puppy? Didn't work. Maybe an elderly lady doing yoga...

You squinted for a moment then closed your eyes, thinking that shielding your eyes away from your screen was going to help. That moment away was when you'd heard Eren let out a low groan and swear under his breath again.

"Fuck me," you muttered in frustration, reopening your eyes. 

Eren moved his hand easily along his cock, making sure to cover his head before stroking back down. His hips were threatening to move up but he seemed to hold himself back, sliding his other hand down to the bed, gripping into it. 

His breathing was picking up and you were unable to pull your eyes away. Watching him, you noticed that he still had the small moles across his abs like before. Except now they were a little darker and there were even a few new ones that were splayed just under his chest. Skin smooth, except for the small patch of hair right at his pelvis. 

With each lazy stroke, he made sure to tug at the cock head in long sweeps to keep himself on the edge. His hair was half up but a few strands laid across his damp forehead, sticking from the sweat. As you looked more closely, it was only then did you notice the tattoos. 

"He's got tattoos?" you asked yourself with raised brows as your eyes traced over the one on his arm that wrapped around his wrist then to the one at the side of his neck that looked like a line of words that you weren't able to decipher. There was also one on his hip bone that looked to be a small bird in flight and a few smaller ones on his fingers that were on his left hand. How did you manage to miss them? Better question, when did he grow a love for ink? In high school, when you had asked him if he would ever get a tattoo, he made a face and said he could never. 

He definitely grew up.

Suddenly, his head turned towards the camera. He was panting and staring at the screen like he was able to see you. Was he?

You pushed the phone out a bit from your face and looked around you to make sure that it was still jet black in the room. To your advantage, it was but that still didn't explain the strange look that was now on his face as he let his cock smack back against his abdomen. 

With slight tension in his brows, he grabbed the phone with his other hand, staring and squinting at the screen. You were holding your breath as he tapped the screen. Jade eyes widened in surprise. Telling by the look of horror on his face, it was safe to say that he'd had no clue that the phone was actually still on. 

Whoops.

"Dude, are you serious?" He said to himself in a low tone, almost wanting to laugh but actually seemed a little nervous, thinking you could've heard him or worse. Saw him.

You did. In fact, it was more than that. You'd been watching him, which should've made you feel bad but reasonably enough...it didn't. 

You weren't buying it. All signs were pointing to him being genuinely confused and scared, but a part of you didn't believe that he was completely unaware the entire time. 

"Hey..." he spoke, trying to see if you were going to answer back and answer the one question he had. 

There was no reason to hide and lie. If anything, you two were going to laugh and never speak about the situation ever again.

So, you answered.

"Hey..."

"Oh shit."

Silence.

You and Eren sat in your beds, quiet on both ends. He felt a little embarrassed about you catching him but you were the reason behind the extremely awkward air. You didn't know what to say and neither did he, but he wanted to give it a try because awkward silence only made things weirder for him.

Your light was now on so he looked at you through the screen before clearing his throat. 

"So...rate me?"

Your burst of laughter made him laugh and the tension filled air was suddenly gone. 

You rolled your eyes, looking back at him with a smile. "I'll give you a 9."

He smirked, leaning against the headboard again. "A 9, huh? What's a guy gotta do to get a 10, babe?"

You dipped your head down from the camera, trying to pretend he didn't call you that. "Keep talking like that," you reconnected the eye contact, almost frowning. "-and you're getting debunked to a solid 3."

"Ah damn," he tilted his head, pouting. "I'll take the 9 then."

"Yeah, smart call."

"So..." he looked down to play with the strings to his pajama pants that were now put back on. "Will this make the friendship all weird or like..."

You thought about it for a moment before opening your mouth. "Not...really. I've seen you before. It was just a shock right after waking up." You watched as he took a peek back up at you through his lashes, grinning. You smiled and looked away, already annoyed. "Say it and you're done."

He laughed, "Alright, I won't! I just…Can I be honest about something?"

You nodded, clueless to what he was going to ask you.

"Did you...wake up to seeing me like that or were you watching the entire time?"

Your mind went semi blank. The urge to lie was almost stronger than wanting to tell the truth. One of them had to win and the wrong one did.

"I was watching the entire time."

"Oh?" the dark look in his eyes was almost as annoying as the shit eating grin that was on his face now. "What a perv. I had a feeling you weren't really asleep and came to find out that you weren't." He stretched out and rubbed a hand down his chest that was covered by a shirt, falling out of view.

You rolled your eyes. "And what was I supposed to do? Ignore you?"

"No. Ask if you could help."

Your mouth dropped open. "You can't be serious."

He shrugged, still smiling. "I am."

"No way," you moved out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. "Never in a million years."

"Sad. We could've bonded."

"You're crazy."

“Yeah, crazy over you," he said jokingly.

"Yuck."

Eren laughed, watching you set the phone up on the counter and away from the toilet as you used the bathroom. "So I've upgraded to hearing you pee? Nice."

You frowned and smirked, turning the faucet on. Over the running water, you heard him whine something about "no fair" and it made you giggle as you finished up and flushed. He was able to see you wash your hands and got carried back into the room.

"I'm serious though," he muttered and it was so low that you almost missed it. 

With a quirked brow, you sat down at the edge of the bed. "What do you mean?"

His eyes didn't leave yours as he continued, "Helping me."

Wasn't he joking? He couldn't have been actually serious about that. Could he? He was insane. He had a girlfriend and you two were just starting to be friends after spending so many years with zero contact. Plus, it wasn't like that left room to become fuck buddies or anything like that. Hello! Mikasa?

"I...what?" You were insanely confused and couldn't understand where he was expecting the conversation to go because you weren't going to help him in any sort of sexual sense so there was no need to stay on that subject. 

Eren took a pillow from beside him and placed it off to the side, setting the phone against it. "You heard me. I want your help so I can finish."

It was a joke. It had to be. 

You checked the time at the top of your phone and noticed it was pushing three in the morning. "Eren, I'm over the joke already. Besides, where's Mikasa? She's gotta be home by now, right?"

He nodded, ruffling his hair. "Yeah, but she decided to sleep in the guest room tonight." His eyes weren't very telling. "Around 11, she came home and we had a small argument. Nothing major. It'll blow over by the morning, as usual. Not worried about it." He let out a small yawn, pulling down at his pants to make room. Or was he...adjusting? "So...are you in or...?"

The question was left hanging in the air because there was no way you were going to help him finish off his relationship with Mikasa because you were sure that was what was going to happen if you did 'help him'. 

She was going to find out. She always did.

"I won't get into your relationship but-"

"And every time you say that, you're always getting into stuff  that has nothing to do with you."

You closed your mouth and looked down, a bit hurt. It wasn't like he was wrong but he didn't have to say it like that.

He saw the look on your face and sighed.

"I shouldn't have said it like that, I'm sorry."

Not like that was triggering or anything. Nope. Not at all.

"No you're right." You bit into your lip and wanted the topic to pass already. 

"Uh..." he rubbed at his neck, wishing he hadn't said it like that. If anything, you were just trying to help. "How about I help you instead."

You blinked and looked back at him, confused. "Help me?"

"Yeah," a slow side smile spread across his pretty face. "You couldn't have watched me without getting turned on. It'll be a friend helping out another friend. Won't you let me help?"

Was he crazy? Had to be.

Literally insane.

There was no way you were going to agree to something like that. It was basically like cheating plus just because you found him attractive didn't mean you wanted to go behind your friend's back and help her boyfriend cheat on her.

She would never in a million years forgive you if she found out.

"Eren, no I-"

"Lay down."

His voice was low and authoritative. By the blank expression on his face, it was obvious that he was being entirely serious. He wanted to help you and maybe if it was just a one time thing, could it hurt? Mikasa wasn't going to find out if it was just this once. There were many people in friendships where this sort of thing happened. It wasn't odd or abnormal. Completely normal and if he was going to guide you through video chat without physically being there and touching you — it somehow made it a little easier to get into it.

So with that in mind, you did as you were told and laid down, keeping a leg bent so that it felt less awkward. 

He hummed, "Set the phone up to where I can see as much of you as possible."

You did the same thing you saw him do and used a pillow as leverage, keeping the phone perked up against it. "Okay..."

"Now," he slid a hand down his chest to his abdomen, inhaling deeply. "Play with yourself. Start slow. Your tits are usually a good start." There was a smirk in his voice and when you looked at him, it wasn't a surprise that it was there. Right on his annoyingly attractive face. 

"This is so weird," you mumbled to yourself, unable to find a moment in your life where you'd ever done anything like this before. It was very new to you. To facetime someone and...touch yourself in front of them. 

It was almost a little exciting.

One of your hands skimmed over a nipple, just barely nicking it. 

"Oh," you breathed, feeling a tingle swim through your chest. 

Eren stared at you intensely, almost too mesmerized to blink in case he missed something. 

"Again, pretty girl. Over and over until the pressure in between your legs gets to be too much. Then," he palmed himself lightly, letting his thumb rub over the head of his cock. "Then, I want to hear you beg."

Your skin was hot as you pinched and twisted at your nipples through your shirt, trying to not think about Eren watching everything that you were doing and finding zero shame in it. For you, it was incredibly embarrassing but in some weird way...you liked it. You liked him guiding you and staring at you through the screen as you did so. There was no doubt in your mind that he was secretly touching himself to you and that thought made you close your legs because that gave your mind permission to think about him actually being in the same room as you.

Watching you from across the room but not touching you. Just telling you what to do.

"Eren," you moaned lowly, hoping he didn't hear it.

"Louder. Let me hear you."

Your thighs twitched as you pushed up your shirt and took your nipples back in between your fingers, imagining his mouth over them, swirling the hardened buds with his tongue and groaning about how perfect they were. 

How perfect you were.

"Tell me what's on your mind. Be vocal for me. I need to know what you're thinking," he shamelessly pleaded, tugging his pants down low enough to let himself free. You heard his cock hit his abs with a faint smack and the urge to reach a hand down in between your legs almost won if you hadn't remembered what he said.

You had to beg to get permission. 

You tossed your head towards the phone next to you and felt your face warm at what you were about to do. "Can I please touch myself now?"

He smirked almost instantly. "Not even going to fight it, huh?" You didn't say a word back. It was all in your eyes. "Pity. I expected more fight from you but then again," he positioned the camera in a similar position yours was in, and you saw the angry head of his cock covered with his arousal. You felt a whine bubble up in your throat at the sight. The thought of that inside of you right now...so deep...pulsating against your walls, threatening to cum from how tight you'd be around him. "Watching me earlier must've been really painful for you, huh baby?"

"Oh my god," you groaned weakly, shoving a hand down and pushing your underwear aside to press a finger against your aching clit. If this truly was a one time thing then what either of you said and thought in the moment wasn't going to matter later. It probably wasn't even going to be brought up again. That was the only way you even allowed yourself to say what you wanted to say. "I wish you were here, Eren. Using your fingers and touching me the way I'm touching myself. So bad," you whispered but it wasn't low enough for him to miss. He'd heard it all.

He gave himself a few slow pumps before smiling to himself, "Soon."

His response had missed you. You were too focused on how good it felt to relieve some of the pressure that had built up from watching him earlier. It was so painful and you were too embarrassed and nervous. It would've been wrong but he ended up knowing that you were watching all along. So maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if you'd looked at it like he had purposely put on a show for you.

Wasn't like he hadn't insinuated that he knew.

A single finger dipped past your slippery folds, easily pushing into your tight hole, going at an easy pace before picking it up. Your other hand was preoccupied with cupping one of your breasts, fingers tweaking at the supple bud sending little shockwaves throughout your body. 

Eren was captivated by you. It was nothing like fucking Mikasa or even guiding her into an orgasm. No. Something about the way you moaned and touched yourself for him — it was different. He would've been lying to himself if he didn't admit that he held some sort of desire for you. To see you. To touch you himself and make you cum from his cock alone. To have you begging him to fill you up like the good little whore that you were.

By the looks of it, it didn't seem like you changed much at all.

Just a lot more gullible and needier.

"Ah," he felt his balls tense up from the pressure. He wasn't going to last much longer but he couldn't let himself come before you. That was rude. You needed to be completely satisfied before he found it acceptable.

His eyes were back on you. Your fingers were in your mouth and he could've fallen into a coma at the lewd look on your face before you shoved them back into your pretty pussy. 

God, he was going to lose his fucking mind over you.

"Are you close, baby?"

You nodded, "mhm," trying to keep eye contact with him, but it was hard when all you wanted to do was get lost in the feeling with your eyes closed. "M'so close, I won't be able to hold off. I'm sorry."

He could've groaned at the way you apologized for something you could hardly control.

What were you doing to him?

"It's okay, pretty," your thighs twitched at the pet name. "This is about you."

Your body felt tingly. Like it was getting ready to soar down while on a rollercoaster. There was a tight ball of tension at the lower part of your stomach and it was hard to fight off. You'd wanted to last longer, but it was impossible with the way Eren helped you along. He'd made it so hard to hold back. Even for just a second longer. 

Your hips slowly rose off of the mattress and your toes curled, feeling the intensity and pleasure all hit you at once. Your release flooded across your fingers, sticking to them like glue. Your legs were a little shaky and you took a few moments to catch your breath. 

In the heat of the moment, you'd torn your eyes away from him but when you looked back, you were thankful to not miss it.

The way his abs tensed before flexing and tightening, hearing his breath quicken. One of his legs was bent up but it didn't obstruct your view. His strokes were steady and precise, going over his head each time. 

"Oh my god," he moaned, biting into the pillow next to him as he pushed his hips up, fucking into his hand. He was almost there, so unbelievably close, fuck he could feel it.

Then your next set of words sent him right over the edge.

"Come for me, Eren."

His vision blurred enough for him to close his eyes, feeling his thick and creamy release coat his lean upper body. His bun was hanging onto the thin elastic band, most of his hair splayed out on the pillow behind him. 

He looked a mess but you found him to be severely captivating. 

There was one thing that was bothering you but you chose to not think about it. At least for now. 

His hand slowed until he stopped completely, slightly shaking. He brought his hand up to his line of vision, chuckled and dropped it back on his stomach, looking at you.

"You didn't have to do that."

You felt your skin warm. "No, but I kind of remember you asking me to help you and that was me. Helping."

He sent you a lazy smile before humming, sitting up. "Yeah. You're right," he grabbed the phone with his clean hand and slid out of bed. His green eyes were back on you, almost looking through you. "Thanks, pretty girl."

"Eren," you whined, throwing a pillow right over your face to hide the shame of liking the things he called you.

He laughed, making it to the bathroom. 

"Cute. You should get some rest. We'll talk tomorrow."

You pushed the cotton aside, staring at him as he cleaned up. "Promise?"

He smiled with a nod. "Of course."

Hesitantly, you believed him but not fully. 

Just in case. 

"M'kay. Goodnight."

"Night," he sang before hitting the 'end' button.

The screen went back to your lockscreen and you set the device to the side before looking up at the ceiling.

"What the actual fuck am I going to do now?"

There was no going back. Eren cheated on Mikasa, with you no less. How were you supposed to hang out with her knowing that you'd had a mutual masturbation session with her boyfriend? There was also the possibility that she was going to find out but not through you. No. What if she and Eren got into an argument and out of anger, he mentioned you and him? It wasn't like he hadn't done something like that before.

You couldn't put anything past him so the only card you had left to play was denying whatever he could say about you. If not that, then there was always the truth.

That would mean losing Mikasa forever and you didn't want that to happen. Ever.

It was just best to put what just happened behind you. Behind both of you. 

It would've been easy to do if it was only just this once.

➝ next chapter coming soon!

➝ before and after playlist!

end note: if you want to be tagged in future chapters for this fic, pls lmk!

➝ taglist:

@princess-jaeger @itsalicewickedmcgee @sinspookie

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