Tumblarians - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

Youth has left me feeling empty, yet filled with regrets. #repost.

College has made me feel lonelier than the time i spent all alone in the pandemic in the safe walls of my room.

Under my skin is a person screaming at me for not recognising her.

I am breathing, I am alive.

I have been searching for the reason I am alive, cliche.

And I know the reason. My parents wanted me to exist. Against my will.

It gets tiring knowing that there will always be people better than you, your parents know it too. But instead of encouraging you, they compare you to them, relentlessly making you feel like a small speck of dust that will never be able to move a mountain. They know they want their child to be better, to make them proud. So, they choose to dictate what the child does in life, manipulate them into doing what the parents wanted to do, making the child think that they want to do it.

I am breathing, I am born, I am alive.

But at what cost?

I don't like people coming over.

My heart feels uneasy

My safe haven, invaded, judged, torn apart-

Your mind sparks my curiosity,

Do you judge me for being a mess inside my haven?

I am uneasy

Discarded memories, come haunting me.

Fools stay ignorant,

I am one,

Yet i am not a fool.

~ awatre

Twenty one years and I am still here,

Learning to let go

Of people.

Making lame excuses to stay,

Watching them hurting me through the internet.

I haven't found peace.

But I hope, and pray I will one day. I hope we all do. It's something we all should have. Inner peace. I'm tired of politics, I'm tired of my own mind. My mind is filled with hate, anger, and filth. I want to rid myself of these thoughts. I want to do better. I want to be better. I hope I can overcome these restless, wicked days.

I will seek my "great perhaps", I will keep on fighting.

I seek for a "great perhaps"; it isn't easy to keep on living while the living tries to end me with their smothering accusations. Maybe life has to be lived that way to understand how it works. I'm not a child, or a hormonal teenager yelling the "LIFE SUCKS!" every minute, I do that mentally.

I've loved too much to suffer like this, people keep on targeting me like I'm some kind of a toy that they have snatched from a classmate they like to bully. It's scarring, these memories and the inferno I am living in right now.

I wish the world had let me keep my childish innocence, but I was forced to grow up, mentally it has been exhausting. Exalting feelings? They lost their way; they never reached me; I'm still waiting.

The mind is funny. It keeps on shouting me; it's deafening. I'd like to end my journey here, but I keep on going. I keep on living even though the world around me tells me not to.

I will keep on fighting; I need to survive. It's a hungry world that keeps feeding on fragile souls. Oh, darling. How I wish I could have kept you safe but I, too, want to be saved.

23rd November, 2023

The earth is retreating to rest, while the humans plough persistently; burning her. She is tired, yet she blooms even in the darkest hour. Guides us with her light, even after all the abuse. She is beautiful, graceful, gentle and loving, but for how long?

I need to get wiser and follow these rules

A question I get asked a lot while working at a public library is "how do you deal with homeless people?"

And the answer is, we don't.

The unhoused people who come here seeking refuge 99% of the time understand that they will be kicked out if they misbehave.

The people you have to watch out for are Jessica, who only came because the kid she didn't want had to visit for a homework assignment and she just *needs* to yell at her child for asking to borrow two books or stay an extra five minutes, or Michael, who came in to look at porn on our computers for whatever fucking reason, or Karen who just wanted to come by to throw a fit that the particular book she wanted was checked out and harrass our staff about our collection being too limited.

99% of the time, the people we need to ban are middle to upper-middle class white people while the homeless and mentally ill/disabled people mind their own damn business and are honestly some of the best patrons we have.

Your lips, my lips, apocalypse.