Things To Remember - Tumblr Posts
hard pill to swallow: the idea that your ‘soulmate’ or ‘the one’ will know exactly how to make you happy without you ever having to communicate is fake. the fantasy that you will have all your needs met in a relationship without ever having to be vulnerable is fundamentally not true. sometimes you have to express your needs and desires, you have to ask for things, you have to communicate how you want to be loved, it’s uncomfortable and clumsy but relationships are about learning to love each other not being a mind reader
im so enamored with stories that portray love as something soft and kind because i do think that love at its core is an act of kindness. its part of the reason i prefer the idea of growing into love instead of falling in love because when i think of growing into love i think of a garden, like love is something to cultivate, to tend to daily, a steady progression of growth with some setbacks, a few dying leaves here and there, having to move to a bigger pot and a spot with more sunshine, but it’s still something that at the end of the month, or a year, or a decade, or a lifetime you can look at and see the product of your dedication, see exactly what it means to pour your heart into something. i just! love reading about kind love!
When Adam bit the apple he did it because he trusted Eve. Because he loved her. Adam bit into the apple because the woman he loved told him to, no matter what God said. No matter the rules of heaven. What’s heaven to a woman’s love anyway? What’s God to your wife? The first sins of humanity, were trusting others. Eve trusted a snake, Adam trusted Eve, and I trust you. Maybe that’s a sin, just like the first couple. Maybe everyone’s right about us and we’re sinners and we offend God. But like I said, what’s God to a woman’s love anyway? What has heaven got that I can’t find sitting next to you on a cool autumn morning?
american leftists seem extremely focused on anti imperialism (good) but rarely- if at all- discuss decolonization in their own fucking country, despite acknowledging that it is a settler colonial state.
Actually, people are good by nature and you're a fool if you think otherwise.
As an autistic person I’m very confused by the idea that “making friends is easy if you put yourself out there”
How do you know who to even talk to?
I’ve had someone say “just go to the same places/groups and eventually you’ll meet someone” but like wtf does that even mean?
Do I just walk up to a person I notice a lot? Me knowing a person due to the fact that I see them often enough to remember their face is drastically different than a neurotypical talking with me apparently.
Idk if I’m just missing social cues or what but me just talking to someone about things I enjoy usually gets me a “this dude is weird” stare.
Mostly just angry at the fact that people say its easy when they don’t realize the mental gymnastics autistic people go through even talking to someone they’ve met before
upset and don’t know why? Appease the Brains
lizard brain
questions: do i have food, water, and safe shelter?
solutions: drink more water. drink things with electrolytes. make and stick to a food schedule that works for you. clean your room. if you are in an unsafe situation, talk to someone trusted about creating a plan to get out
toddler brain
questions: have i had enough rest? am i been getting what i need to be healthy? am i cared for? am i frustrated?
solutions: make sure you’re getting enough sleep on a schedule that works for you (people naturally sleep better at different times and need different amounts of sleep. if youre young you will need to sleep more than 7 or 8 hours). make sure you have varied nutrition in your diet. make sure your medications and supplements are working for you and take them on schedule. work on developing a support system that meets your needs. take breaks from things if you feel burned out, even if it’s only for a day
monkey brain
questions: have i had enrichment in my life? am i stuck in a rut? have i had socialization, entertainment, and creativity? has anything challenged me lately?
solutions: limit your time on social media. make an effort to be in new environments - even if its another room in your house or backyard. examine what is or isn’t working in your routine. pick up a new hobby (if you’re more physically active, consider a hobby like writing or coding. if you’re more mentally active, consider a hobby like woodworking, bookbinding, or a sport). write stories, make art, and write analyses (if you haven’t tried original work - focus on that for a little while). try new music. try a new food. build something with legos. consume a new type of media even if you’re not sure you’ll like it (like graphic novels, radio plays, or watching ballet). take on a long term project and set aside time to work on it on a schedule (whether its every day, every few days, or specific days each week)
human brain
questions: do i feel loved? do i feel understood? am i existentially fulfilled? do i have a sense of purpose? do i have a sense of meaning? am i contributing to the lives of the people i care about and are they doing the same for me in return?
solutions: reach out to friends and loved ones, and do activities together, like play a game online or walk in the park. talk to safe people about things that upset you, such as a trusted friend or a therapist, and find steps to improve your mental health. interrogate whether your religious beliefs are working for you, and if they are, make an effort to practice your faith, whether that is attending services (including digitally if they have them), reading and discussing your religious texts, or following holidays. read self help books or blogs from trusted professionals. read about philosophy and interrogate your own understanding of things. learn how to communicate your needs, thoughts, and desires to people who will listen. be active in your community (whether in community service, activism, or getting involved in local politics). adopt a rescue animal. give money to causes you care about. make an effort to learn about points of view and lived experiences that are different than your own. challenge assumptions about how you are expected to live your life and decide whether you want those things or not. express love for the people you care about - through kind words, good acts, crafts, or otherwise. if there are steps in your life you have been afraid of taking, make a plan to take them
if you fulfill higher needs before lower needs, you will still feel bad. if you feel bad and don’t know why, start lower and work your way up. basic needs must be met before moving on healthily
How to Argue Like an Asshole
Good evening, friends, let me tell you some Secrets on how to argue like (and with) assholes. I’m writing this because I keep running into a particular asshole, and I need to stop engaging with them, and so this is an instruction sheet for myself as well as you guys.
First, try to avoid assholes; they don’t deserve your time and energy. But, if an Argument is unavoidable, here are a few tips on how to emerge unscathed.
Let go of the idea that you’re going to win.
You’re not gonna win. Nobody wins in an argument with an asshole. But, on the other hand, you can make them lose. You can deprive them of their entertainment and their triumph.
How???
Do not present your side of this debate.
This is so counter-intuitive for most of us who believe in things like, oh, science, or real facts, or the idea that real facts can be determined by science. Here’s a cool terrible thing about humans: certainty has nothing to do with facts. And when people are certain, that is when they become assholes.
When someone’s only goal is to win an argument, any real evidence or facts you give them is just ammunition for them to turn against you.
You will not convince them. So what should you be doing?
Destroy their arguments.
This is a thing of joy, because it’s what assholes are used to doing. They are, at heart, morons who don’t know how to construct, only how to destroy.
I used to be super emotional about arguments like this. I couldn’t think of anything to say while the other person ranted on about their horrifying bigotry. Now I’m a lawyer, and I’ve learned to weaponize my essentially nitpicky nature. For money.
So here are some easy tactics you can remember and deploy:
- Make them define the words they use. Nitpick the definitions.
- Turn questions back on them. If they ask you “why do you believe x”, ask them why they believe y. If they pull some “I asked first” shit, ask them why they’re afraid to defend their beliefs.
- Call them emotional. If possible, pick out specific emotions. This is especially devastating when you’re debating a man, as he will get more emotional as a result.
- “Why is that funny? I don’t get it.” Making people explain mean jokes can be a delight; they just wilt the more you question them about the underlying assumptions.
- Laugh at any especially dumb shit. Like they use some slogan or catchphrase that’s obviously untrue, due to science, or essentially ridiculous, like “we’ve made America great again,” and you just blurt out laughing. If they get mad, tell them – oh, so sorry, I’ll shut up, I’m giving you the floor to talk about your beliefs. I’m respecting you. This is a goddamn power move. It gives you the high ground, and also the implied control over the situation. The floor belongs to you, but you are yielding it to someone because you can.
- If they make an awkward exit, let them. Especially if they call the discussion “political.” It means they’re feeling attacked. Graciously allow them to retreat with their tail between their legs. If they storm off, allow them to do that too. Congratulations; you’ve ended the argument and you don’t have to deal with it anymore.
Basically: hand the asshole a shovel, and let ‘em dig. Relieve yourself of the burden to convince them they are wrong, and just sour their fun instead.
–
Additionally, these are the tactics that assholes use, consciously or subconsciously, all the time. Recognize them. Once you know what they are, you can become immune to the intimidation and belittling tactics.
Good luck.
play pentiment (2022) dir. josh sawyer
Don't waste a single moment worrying about things you can't change or dwelling on past mistakes. Instead, focus on making the present moment count and work towards creating a brighter future. Remember, time waits for no one, so make every second count towards reaching your goals and living a fulfilling life.
there are like five rules to life and those rules are
1. eat 3 meals a day
2. always have a non alcoholic drink with you
3. never trust anything you think about your life after 8-9pm
4. do a little something for urself every day
5. interact with a Beast at least once a day (human, feline, canine, lizard, bird, etc)
and the secret 6th rule:
6. if you can't do all of those rules, just do the ones you can
this is your gentle reminder to stop fighting against your adhd and instead structure your life around it
buy a pack of chapsticks and put one in the pocket of all of your coats and jackets because you always forget to bring one and chapped lips is sensory hell
leave important things where you can see them. if they go in a box or a drawer you will forget they exist
put any appointments or deadlines in your phone calendar As Soon As you get them. set a reminder for a week before, a day before, an hour before, as many as you need as often as you need them.
when that little voice in your head says "i dont need to write that down, ill remember it" that is the devil talking!!! write it down anyway!!
plan for down time. have a few hours at the end of every day to just do fun stuff like engage in your hyperfixations. even if you didnt get all of your work done that day, have the rest anyway. you probably spent the whole day beating yourself up for not doing what you Should be doing, so you still need the break.
if you never eat vegetables because its too much effort to chop and cook them, get the frozen or canned shit. it doesnt go off for ages and you just have to microwave it. theres no point buying fresh vegetables if they just keep going off and being left to rot in the bottom of your fridge
if you struggle to decide what to have for dinner every day, take the decision out of it. choose a set of meals and eat those on rotation until you get sick of them, then choose some new ones and do it again.
its not stupid if it works! our brains literally have a chemical deficiency. you are allowed to accommodate yourself. go forth and stop making your life more difficult than it has to be because "this shouldn't be this hard". it is hard, so make it easier.
You writers are just as important as us drawing artists. Ya hear me
@lemonwicky??
I just made a 6 year old girl really mad at me in the mall and it was actually a heartbreaking experience
Because I was picking up more moisturiser, and this clearly really young girl and her mother came in to shop skin products, and her mother picked up a combined kit and was like “This is the one you want? Okay I guess” and I took a peak and gently butted in and told her mother I thought that was a really bad idea because she looked super young and those products had a bunch of actives
This little girl was glaring at me like I kicked her puppy while I chatted to her mother, who seemed really embarrassed she didn’t know that, asked some questions, and told me her daughter was 6, obsessed with skincare, said all the other girls at school had similar products, and always watched YouTube videos + Tiktoks about these things.
I told her pretty bluntly it’s a bad idea for young people to use most of these actives/products, gave her some keywords to search online so she’d have a better idea about what to look up and learn more, and suggested maybe they could work on instead building a routine with washing faces with water, a little dab of a very neutral moisturiser and some sunscreen every day (let’s be clear - this little girl does not need a skincare routine, but it’s a compromise without completely shitting on her and helps routine building in life anyway)
I told this kid she was really pretty and she didn’t need anything, and I’m sorry I ruined her fun but I didn’t want her to burn her face with something like retinol or salicylic acid. She was not impressed.
Please chat with the young people in your life about these things, get some rudimentary knowledge if they’re asking for products like this, and please be careful!
be open with your love and loud with your laughter. life is so much brighter when lived genuinely.
“Never discredit your gut instinct. You are not paranoid. Your body can pick up on bad vibrations. If something deep inside of you says something is not right about a person or situation, trust it.”
— Simple Reminders