Tbz Angst - Tumblr Posts

hi everyone!!!

i have some (quite a lot) requests for scenarios with the boyz, so i'm going in order of request... i won't forget anyone and i'm thinking about each scenario with great affection 💜

nothing changes (except i’m being fr) | k. younghoon

pairings — kim younghoon x reader

genre — full angst, hurt no comfort

warnings — all pain, miscommunication (more like none lmao), idk just trauma dump…

note — Hi everyone, I’m back. I apologize for my long hiatus and coming back in not the best condition too on top of that… but I do hope you enjoyed reading my entry for @deoboyznet’s love letter event. Thank you for waiting for me, I really appreciate it.

more works — navigation | tbz!masterlist

I sat on the frigid cobblestone floor. My satin dress was deemed unimportant as it sweeped the dirt and dust on the floor, its owner without a care in the world about it.

Beside me sat an uninvited, young man, dashing and suited to the nines. He was a stranger, that was for sure.

It was funny—one could even say ironic—however, for once in a memory long locked in my head, ( heaven forbid it resurfaces so long to not disturb my appetite ) I knew everything about this man.

I knew of the way he liked his tea sweet. How he’d pout when annoyed, make a fuss when embarrassed—yet silent when upset. I knew of the way he liked the smell of vanilla because it reminded him of his grandmother’s kitchen, and how he’d never tuck his shirt in because he liked the feeling of the breeze reaching his stomach on warmer days.

I had long kept the memory hidden in my head, detained it to the bottom of my mind as if it were forbidden knowledge so long as to not feel what I had back then.

All for naught, it seems, as the man beside me always had a knack to make himself known to mankind. It was as if he was flaunting how easily he’d moved on—how little he truly cared for me.

I parted my lips to emit my thoughts, yet nothing came out. My mouth opened like a fish in air, only to close it once more like an idiot once I had realized that my thorax failed me.

My pride screamed at me to speak. It seems as if it could not leave me looking like a heartbroken teen, so I reopened it to attempt once more.

Unfortunately, he beat me to it.

”Are you okay?” He asks.

An innocent question, one asked of normal formalities. Yet, it brought me all the way back then. When innocence and naivety ran through, when a question would not have hidden implications.

Back to when I was young, and in love.

Back then, I would have responded with a “yep!” to not worry him, but then spill all my worries not a minute later. Before, I would have had courage because he was my Younghoon.

Now, he has changed. No longer the boy that was mine. No longer my Younghoon, but theirs.

”Why?” I asked.

To onlookers, it seemed like a common reply, especially in the perspective that they are strangers.

But I knew what I was talking about, and he does too.

Why act like you care anymore after you chose opportunities over me? Why rub the wound you know is still bleeding? Why not me?

A pregnant pause befalls before he took a sharp inhale, and muttered, “I’ll excuse myself.”

He walks away, and I let go of the breath I hold.

Strange, I felt relieved.

Perhaps I was mistaken. He did not change much mentally, he was still the Younghoon I knew.

Perhaps I was mistaken. I too did not change much mentally, I was still the me I knew.

Perhaps I was mistaken. We were still us. It was proven so as question met silence.

As bitterness was once more ignored, pushed deeply and squeezed tightly until we could not breath.

It is because we are still us, that communication ceased as it did all those years ago.

It is because we are still us, that we continue to bear this torture, though we know it did not do us good. Though it can be fixed.

We know, we understand. But we are us. By blood and flesh we are us, so we let the torture pain us once more.

It is not favorable, but it is what we prefer. Perhaps, because the truth is too jarring? It would mean that all this bitterness was for nothing. All the tears and curses and pain becomes irrelevant if we accept the truth. It seems that this was not something we could accept yet.

For now, this would be enough.

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© astrae4 2024 | please don’t copy, translate, or plagiarize my works on all platforms!

maybe it’s not our fault | l.sangyeon

synopsis: you knew this was a problem that was bound to come up when you started dating the one and only, the boyz’s leader, lee sangyeon - fans.

pairing: tbz’s sangyeon x reader

genre: angst!!!

wc: 1.2k

network(s): @kflixnet

warning: obsessed fans, cursing, hate speech towards reader (derogatory terms)

leona was listening to: maybe it’s not our fault by yerin baek

not proofread

note: guys pls listen to the song but sangyeon’s cover version while reading this it would make your experience so much better /gen

“sangyeon, i don’t know how much longer i can do this,” you said, looking down at the floor, refusing to meet his gaze. “y/n, what are you talking about? are you hearing yourself?” he was angry, but at most of it all, he was confused, at a loss of words even.

“of course, i’m hearing myself, did you forget what happened last week? we can’t even be happy together, it was our one year anniversary, for god’s sake!” you were fuming to say the least. after last week’s events, you weren’t sure how to go forward in this relationship anymore.

˚◞♡ ⃗*ೃ༄

“baby, are you ready yet?” sangyeon called out to you as you came out of the room, replying to him in a cheery tone, “yup, let’s go!” just like that you guys were on your way to spend a fun-filled day at lotte world. it was rare that you guys could go to such places but you figured it would be okay since it was the weekdays and school holidays wouldn’t be coming around til next month.

however, when you guys arrived at the said place, you were taken aback by how many fans had gathered, just to catch a glimpse of their idol. you had no idea how they got wind of sangyeon coming to lotte world that day but all the feelings of disappointment and frustration came rushing back to you.

sangyeon noticed how aggravated you became so he caressed your hand but that wasn’t enough to turn your mood around. sangyeon insisted that you guys continue with the plans because he knew and trusted that his fans would respect you guys’ boundaries.

but as soon as you step foot out of that van, sangyeon was proven very wrong. fans swarmed you guys, flashing cameras almost blinding your eyes, the high pitched screaming coming from all directions gave you a headache. yet all you could make out was the harsh threats thrown to you, “you bitch! that’s our man!”, “stay away from him!”, “he deserves someone prettier, not a rat-looking girl!”, “you don’t deserve him, what are you even doing with him! you just want fame and money, don’t you!”

you knew better than to believe what they were saying but you couldn’t shake off that feeling of not being good enough. if fans were saying this about you, there must be something about yourself that they realise isn’t up to standards.

the fans blocked your way and you eventually got separated from sangyeon, causing them to take advantage of the situation, pushing you around as if you were some ragdoll. pain surged through you as you took strong blows to your ribs and you wondered where the hell sangyeon was, only for you to realise security had been called and when you were carried to the van, sangyeon stared back at you from inside.

you were disheveled, your hair messed up and your face was contorted in pain and all sangyeon could do was stare at you in shock.

˚◞♡ ⃗*ೃ༄

“i want to be able to do normal couple things like taking a stroll in the park or even watching a movie at the cinemas without having to sneak around and speak in hushed voices, sangyeon,” you muttered, tears eventually dripping down your cheeks and into the palms of your hands, “how much longer do i have to endure this from your fans that you love so much? will we ever be happy and free?”

“so, what? are you going to break up with me, just because of the fans?” sangyeon’s voice quivered as he tried his best to stand tall in front of you. “i thought our love was stronger than this, y/n.” you thought he was going to storm out of the room but he didn’t. after all, sangyeon was never the type to walk away from his problems. that was just how he was, a responsible and caring man you fell in love with.

but now, are you falling out of love? where did this insecurity come from? why was your heart feeling so anxious? “it is, sangyeon. i have faith in us but your fans say otherwise,” you sniffled, wiping your tears by yourself.

“fans, fans, fans, that’s all you think about! have you considered my feelings about this? you went into this relationship, knowing fully well that this plays a huge part for us, you need to get your priorities sorted honestly!” he didn’t realise what he said was too hurtful until he saw your surprised expression, the eyes he found so beautiful, glossed with tears threatening to spill.

“n-no, wait, y/n, you know i didn’t mean any of that,” he said, making his way towards you. “save it, sangyeon, you said what you said,” you stood up abruptly, ready to leave the apartment but before you could do that, a hand held your wrists and spun you around into a tight, warm embrace.

“i’m serious, i said all of those out of anger, i would never think of you that way,” he mumbled into your neck, the tears you had wiped away earlier on squeezed their way out your eyes. “y/n, my love, look at me. i am so in love with you and i’m not going to let you go just because of this. you mean so much to me and i don’t know what i’m going to do without you. so please, don’t leave me.”

you managed to look him right in the eyes and you could see how sincere he was. you knew he meant every single word he just said. a drop of tear had rolled down his cheek and his lips trembled as he begged and begged you not to leave him.

you swiped away at his tears, pulling him close, arms wrapped around his shoulders as you rubbed his nape, giving him all the comfort you could offer him, “i love you too, sangyeon, i’m sorry.”

“we’ll get through this together, sweetheart, i promise.”

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wew, angsty fic about sangyeon??? i’m dead, legit cried while writing

love, leona!

one thing | eric.s

synopsis: you only ask for one thing from him - a hug.

pairing: tbz’s eric x reader

genre: angsty, fluff, zombie apocalypse au (AOUAD)

wc: 1.6k

network(s): @kflixnet

warning: side character death, mentions of death and blood

leona was listening to: absence by fr:eden

not proofread

“hurry up! get into the science lab!” rushed shouts erupted from all directions while your group of friends tried to make it to the next destination. the crashing of stools and fire extinguishers clashed around, echoing throughout the building and no matter how hard you tried to block them out, the high shrills of the vile creatures surrounding you were all that you heard.

you had reached the state of pure exhaustion and all you wanted to do was crash to the ground to take a breather even if it was just for a second. the only thing you knew was this was some messed up shit. how did a normal school day turn into the freaking apocalypse?

“ah, why are you so slow!” someone had pushed you to the side from behind, causing your right foot to roll inwards, a sharp pain coursing through your veins. a gasp emitted from your lips as you tripped, attracting a whole other horde of zombies to come your way. you could smell the rotting scent and you knew that they were getting way too close for comfort. now, all you could do was accept your fate. you raised an arm above your head and braced for the pain.

just as you thought your life was ending and you would turn into those disgusting things, a hand pulled you up, followed by a squelching of a baseball bat digging into soft skin. blood spattered onto you and you were sure the floor was painted red. “are you dumb? why aren’t you doing anything, let’s go!” you didn’t have to look at his face to know who it was. his tone was harsh but you knew he meant well.

wrapping his arm around yours, he dragged you with him up the stairs and finally, into the lab. it seemed as though the two of you had taken quite a while to come up since everyone had already arrived before you and the door was abruptly shut as soon as both feet stepped into the classroom. “c’mon guys, we should stack up the chairs first at least,” the unofficial leader of the group encouraged you guys, keeping everyone in check so that no more zombies could enter.

once everyone was satisfied with the makeshift barricade, they scattered around the room yet not too far away incase something happened. you settled for the teacher’s table and sat on the edge, just catching your breath. “you really are dense, huh?” a voice appeared next to you while you zoned out from exhaustion.

using the slightest bit of energy to turn your head, you miscalculated the distance and were met just a few centimetres away from his face. without trying to look too flustered, you retaliated, “s-shut up.”

barely waiting for his response, you hurriedly walked away to find your best friend amongst the group of people. scanning the room, you tried to spot the usually cheerful and loud girl but you didn’t see her anywhere, not even in any of the hidden corners.

“guys.. where’s (bsf/n)? wasn’t she with you, on-jo?” you questioned, your heart rate speeding up as you could only think of the worst. “no, i was in front of her, i didn’t see her, sorry,” was the response you received much to your dismay. just as she finished speaking, a zombie crashed against the door, clawing at the glass pane. you took a closer look, a scream escaping your lips as you realised who it was. your hands shot up to your mouth as your knees buckled. not having any strength to balance your weight.

why did she have to turn? your best friend. of 8 years. ripped away from you just like that. just because of those stupid zombies. you were in too much shock to even cry. you refused to look in the direction of the door and barely registered the fact that the other girls were trying to comfort you, rubbing you on your back to reassure you.

it had been quite a while since you saw your best friend in such a state. once the girls realised they didn’t have any effect on you at all despite their attempts, they left you alone to let you grieve on your own. you blankly stared out the window, picking at your blood stained fingernails. it finally hit you that one of the few reasons you fought to stay alive was gone since you lost her. it was like the gates broke free at last. the tears you were fighting back came rushing down your face, yet the burning sensation of you constantly wiping your cheeks with your sleeves couldn’t stop the free flow of tears.

what you weren’t expecting was for a big hand to suddenly pet your head comfortingly, it ran through your hair, providing a sense of warmth for you even if it was just momentarily. so much so, you leaned into it causing your head to fall on their broad chest. your soft whimpers turned into sobs as you welcomed the reassurance. “just cry for a while, everything will be fine afterwards, i’m here,” eric’s voice was different from before. it was mellow and a little raspy, causing the hairs on your arms to stand. upon hearing his words, you cried as if there was no tomorrow to relieve the immense pain.

once you were done, you couldn’t help but to feel embarrassed. he didn’t make fun of you or looked at you in a grossed out way but the fact that you let yourself loose in front of him and crying like that. he stayed silent, allowing you to have a moment for yourself. he probably thinks you’re weird now. “sorry,” you muttered, inching away from the boy.

“don’t apologise for grieving, y/n,” he offered you a small smile, something he rarely did but you wished he did more because you loved his smile so much. in contrast to your action, he scooted closer to you, just close enough where you felt his uniform graze against you multiple times, which you didn’t expect since he wasn’t one to love affection.

this wasn’t how you wanted to spend your time with your childhood crush but right now, anything works honestly. you became quite sentimental as you watched students whose fates were unfortunate as they roamed around the school field, their limbs twisted in various angles you could’ve sworn the human body was unable to do.

“they’re probably people we walked past and said hi to before,” you mumbled as you wished for your life before this outbreak happened back. “let’s not think about it, what’s happened, happened,” he was surprisingly optimistic about the situation which made you break into a grin. “wow, sohn eric, so positive of you,” you teased but you were grateful that he was. “quiet, shortie,” he nudged you, chuckling.

if there was one thing you could ask for now, at this second, in this moment, was a hug. someone to reassure you that this would all end and breeze by super fast, maybe this was all a really really vivid nightmare. you wished and wished that would be the case but a girl can dream, huh?

you weren’t sure how eric would react to your silly request but you tried it out anyways, “ric.. can i have a hug?” you whispered, looking up at him. he froze for a few seconds, sputtering incoherent words as he tried to form a sentence, “what, why, what type of question is that, you idiot, no, you can’t, i’m too precious.” he acted as if he was a fragile package, turning away from you. “hmph, be like that then, i’ll ask cheongsan for a hug instead,” you grumbled, walking away from the window, arms crossed.

before you could take another step, you were pulled by the wrist towards him. “no! i mean, no, you can’t, how would, um, on-jo feel?” he lied, eyebrows knit into a frown. “does she even like him?” you thought about it hard but wind was knocked out of you as eric pulled you into a bone-crushing hug, “don’t ask another guy for a hug, i’ll give you all the hugs you want.” you wanted to blush at his statement but at how hard he was gripping onto you, you could barely breathe.

you desperately patted his back to let you go and when he finally got the memo, he released you making you clutch your chest taking deep breaths. “you dumbass, you’re lucky i like you!” you realised your mistake too late when you saw him smirking at you, “i knew you had the hots for me, i mean, who wouldn’t?” his response made you smack his shoulder several times, “stop being so cocky, just hold me already.” and he did just that.

“yes, my princess,” he jokingly addressed you before sighing into the crown of your head, your arms around his shoulders, “promise me we’ll get through this together?”

“i promise, eric.”

at least it would be much more bearable with him on your side.

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permanent taglist: @stealanity @yengyangyo @jaerisdiction @zwiehe @heojangmi @paralumanniluna @luvrbin @odxrilove @0912005 @coffee-jeon @changmin-wrlds @/idiot_karma @/carolnina55 @mavericsohn @sjyuniverse @luvkellys7nhur @winterbeartaehyungbestboy @nyujjan @defjcm <3

i have no idea what i just wrote, all i know is that i love AOUAD and i wanted to write for it so i’m just writing it until it somewhat makes sense???

love, leona :]

stupid feelings | l.hyunjae

synopsis: spending new years’ with your childhood friend but you made a mistake of falling in love with him.

pairing: tbz’s hyunjae x reader

genre: unrequited love, slight fluff, angst

wc: 1.5k

warning: profanities, hyunjae is a little rude here

network: @kflixnet

leona was listening to: inner child by satica

not proofread

“c’mon, let’s go to the rooftop!” hyunjae hurriedly said, pulling you along with him up the stairs, “there’s only a minute left!” you didn’t say anything more since all you could focus on was his gentle touch against your wrist. you honestly don’t know when you started having such feelings for the man in front of you, maybe it was the initial tension between you two or maybe it was the undeniable chemistry you two had.

as soon as you step foot onto the huge rooftop garden, you could hear fireworks popping but no sight to see. a hum of confusion spiralled out of the both of you as you guys thought you could see the fireworks from the mall’s rooftop.

“oh! y/n, behind us!” he was beyond excited to see the fireworks, pointing to the scenery behind you guys. spinning around, you were met face to face with different vibrant colours of the fireworks shooting into the night sky. a clear view presented itself from the high level.

you were in awe as you ran to the railings, getting as close as you could to see them. the atmosphere turned quiet as the two of you observed the show, just living in the moment. your arms rested against the metal railings, mouth agape as you took in the scene silently.

you barely realised that hyunjae hadn’t been beside you since you stepped towards the edge. as you turned around to check on him, you caught him taking pictures of you as multiple fireworks went off behind you.

“ah, what are you doing?” you chuckled, posing jokingly as hyunjae continued to snap photos of you, the sound of the camera shuttering multiple times. “taking pictures of a nice sight, duh,” he replied, a wide grin plastered on his face as he made his way towards you, finally stopping his mini photoshoot.

“fine, then you stand there now, i’ll take pictures of you,” you were about to move away from him so you could take solo shots of him but he only pulled you closer, “it’s okay, we can take it together.”

he didn’t give you time to object before he wrapped his arm around your shoulder before planting a kiss on your cheek, taking a selfie with you, purple fireworks shot upwards, erupting into loud noise. you merely had time to react so when he took the picture, you were looking at him, eyes widened at the action he did.

“delete that picture! i wasn’t ready!” you shouted, reaching for his phone. “no! you look cute, don’t worry,” he retaliated, staring at the picture. “what are you saying,” you stuttered as you processed what he just casually said.

“shh, you talk too much, just look at the view,” he placed his index finger on your lips, the cold sensation of his ring grazing against your lips as he spun you back around to look at the fireworks.

you tried, you really did try to pay attention to the fireworks but his loose grip that shifted to your waist made you wish there was something more to this friendship, relationship even. you honestly didn’t know whether hyunjae knew about your feelings and chose to ignore it or he actually was oblivious to the fact that you were head over heels with him.

you weren’t entirely lying when you said you didn’t know why and how you came to liking your childhood best friend but you could guess around when you started to.

maybe it was when he stood up to those girls who bullied you for dancing online, saying they were just jealous of you even though you knew you looked like a worm or maybe it was when he invited you to the waterpark even when his best guy friend was available on that day. perhaps it was the fact that he never changed despite gaining popularity during high school, even though you did think he was going to be just like those assholes in movies. you were glad he didn’t.

even so, could he like you back? it would completely ruin the dynamics of the friendship that has been lasting for 16 years since you guys were 8. it might be for the best if you just pushed those stupid feelings down and never speak of them again.

you nodded to your own thoughts and was about to pull away his hand from your waist when soft pattering of the rain immediately changed into pouring, heavy rain. “shit, y/n, we gotta go,” hyunjae muttered, clasping your hand, pulling you through the rooftop. it was a bad idea to wear white shoes since the muddy grass dirtied them but you don’t think you could’ve changed hyunjae’s mind in dragging you along with him.

it was funny wasn’t it, spending new years with your best friend, running in the rain together, yet all the two of you were friends. just friends.

you guys finally made it to the stairwell and trying not to trip down the stairs was a challenge. the two of you only stopped when you found a seat in a cafe in the building itself.

“well, that was eventful,” you sighed, ruffling your hair back. “sure was..” he replied, taking in deep breaths. as soon as he caught his breath he started again, “oh, yeah! remember the girl from my university? the one working part time at the gym i always go to?”

“um.. no? i don’t think i’ve heard of her?” your brows couldn’t help but to furrow at the mention of a new girl in his life. “oh, then i must’ve just told juyeon, anyways! i met her two weeks ago, she’s super cute and exactly my type, so i mustered up the courage to ask her out on a date and apparently she had been eyeing me too,” he spoke excitedly, wiggling his eyebrows.

yea, as if you were going to be so happy with the news. you had been doing such a great job holding it in but this, this was it.

“hyunjae, then why would you kiss my cheek? and call me what? call me cute? what the fuck is wrong with you, you can’t be playing with peoples’ feelings like that, i don’t know if you’re doing this on purpose or if you are just plain dumb but it really hurts. my heart is not something you can mess around with, it’s not a toy and i will not allow it to be played with. i truly don’t know your intentions but you’re a dick,” you couldn’t control what was coming out of your mouth, it felt like water was just seeping out, all gates broke loose.

“i know you’re popular and i know you wouldn’t have left me for those more superior than me but i’d rather that happen than you stringing me along,” tears brimmed your eyes as you ranted. you were thankful for an almost empty cafe.

at first, hyunjae was at a loss for words. he couldn’t say anything, what would you even say to that? it felt relieving calling him out but as soon as you heard his next words, you wished you had never even opened your mouth at all.

“are you actually serious? that’s literally what close friends do and if you can’t respect my small actions then what are we doing together, still as friends? i can’t believe you make me the bad guy when you’re the one being selfish for thinking the whole world revolves around you, it’s been nice having you as my friend, i thought you knew me, guess not. i’ll see you around.” he stormed off despite your rushed callings.

“wait!” you stood up but he walked away too fast for you to even utter another syllable. you drop into the once comfy armchair, placing your head into your hands. the utter rejection and humiliation was indescribable beyond words. this wouldn’t happen if it weren’t for your stupid feelings. you ruined the friendship, it was all your fault. you knew better than to lash out at him, you knew he could never harbour romantic feelings for you but the bitter ending got to you. stupid feelings.

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might be based on true events.. anyways, sorry this was really rushed since i wrote this in class on like 5% battery and also wanted to get something out on my birthday (two days ago oops), might delete bc i hate the ending, i'll figure out a better one! sorry!

love, leona

yellow carnations | j.changmin

synopsis: having a crush on your neighbourhood florist might be something out of a romance book but yours seemed like it came out of a book of misfortune.

pairing: tbz’s q x reader

genre: angst, a bit of fluff

wc: 1.4k

network(s): @kflixnet

warnings: sad ending

leona was listening to: old love by yuji

not proofread 

“welcome!” a very familiar voice called out to you as you entered the quaint flower shop, the bell chiming above you. “oh, hey y/n,” changmin said as he saw who came into his parents’ shop. to be frank, he wasn’t surprised to see you here as you seem to be here every other day for god knows what reason but he just assumed you found comfort in the floral scent.

“hi, changmin. i’ll be at the café stand first,” you waved then pointing to the makeshift drink stand the flower shop had by the corner. he nodded and you took the cue to leave. while the reason you kept coming here was somewhat true, let’s face it, the bigger reason why you came was because of said boy. 

changmin and his parents had moved to your city for the last three years and you still remember how you felt when you first saw him during your afternoon stroll. his blonde hair immediately caught your attention and you made it a mission to find out more about him.

˚◞♡   ⃗*ೃ༄

humming a tune under your breath, you weren’t too alert of your surroundings which lead to you crashing into a guy carrying several plastic bouquets. “woah! oh my, i’m so sorry,” you immediately got down to your knees and helped him pick up the dropped flowers when you regained your senses. 

the flowers were absolutely beautiful and you had never seen them before. an exotic flower? “wow, these are so pretty! i’m sorry i dropped them..” you trailed, finally looking up at the taller male, immediately taken aback by his looks. “heh, it’s okay, it didn’t do too much damage,” he chuckled, gripping the bouquets tighter before continuing, “these are actually crocuses, they symbolise new beginnings.” 

“ooh, how do you know so much?” you were intrigued to say the least, a boy pops up out of nowhere and is suddenly spitting out flower symbols? “well first, hi, i’m changmin. my parents and i just moved into the neighbourhood and we’re setting up our family flower shop just down this road,” he explained. 

“that’s so cool! i’m y/n, i’ll be sure to come visit,” you smiled gently at the thought of meeting him more often. “yea, of course. i have to go now, see you around y/n,” he waved goodbye, a whiff of his perfume lingered in your nose as he walked past you. 

oh boy, he has you wrapped around his finger for sure.

˚◞♡   ⃗*ೃ༄

here you were, sat at a small table, sipping your strawberry acai refresher as you watched changmin mingle with the customers and not hesitating to help them out whenever they needed it. you couldn’t help but allow a grin to form on your face, seeing his outgoing personality. 

“y/n, if you’re in love with my son, just tell me, i’ll do the rest!” changmin’s mom came from the storage room, approaching you with a knowing look. “mrs ji, it’s not like that,” you played it off, a red hue basically forming on your cheeks. “yea, yea, denial is the first step,” she laughed at you before stirring her own mug of coffee. 

the two of you continued your conversation when changmin finally came over when the store’s peak hour was over. “i’ll leave you guys to it,” his mom kinda threw you under the bus with that comment and that smirk on her face but changmin didn’t see it or pretended not to see it because he didn’t say anything. 

“so, may i be of any assistance today, miss y/n?” he asked, jokingly. “hm, i think so, sir changmin! what’s a flower that represents admiration?” you played along, which was something he was definitely not expecting but he took in your words. “well, you could get either dianthuses or dahlias, both have several meanings but admiration is one of the more known reasons,” he placed his chin on his palm, pondering about his flower knowledge. 

you simply nodded but his words caught you off-guard, “what do you need them for?” coughing slightly, you could only reply, “it’s for.. research! yeah! a uni project, mhm.” you didn’t think he was this gullible but he bought your reason and abruptly stood up. he reached behind the counter before he handed you a small A5 sized book, “floriography”. 

when you flipped through it, you were surprised to see detailed illustrations of flowers and their symbols, “oh wow, what is this book?” 

“i got it when i first started getting into this florist industry so i figured this would be really informative for your project, feel free to borrow it for as long as you’d like!” he beamed at you and your heart could only take so much. “a-are you sure? doesn’t this mean a lot to you?” you stuttered, not believing what changmin is doing for you. “i mean, yea but you need it more,” he sheepishly grinned and you only threw your arms around his shoulder. “thank you!” 

you left the flower shop with a giddy feeling, book close to your chest as you hugged it. you did feel bad because first, this book means a lot to him and second, you didn’t even have a uni project. you simply had admiration for changmin. i mean, he was an amazing florist and he could’ve been doing what he enjoys but he instead took care of his family business, starting at a young age. you were head over heels for him.

you were scanning the pages when two flowers caught your eyes. ‘red tulips’ and ‘gladiolus’. red tulips meant passion and love, almost saying “my feelings are true” while gladiolus had the symbolism of infatuation and admiration. seeing these, you took it as the perfect time to send these to changmin. 

it was a really bold step but you felt that you had kept this crush on him for the longest time already, the timing should be right. the worst that could happen was he would reject you and you will have to put up with that..

who are you kidding? your world would probably crash down and you’d die of embarrassment! your own thoughts made this so much harder to decide what to do. but, before you knew it, you were already placing a bouquet of red roses, tulips and gladiolus on the flower shop doorstep, an hour before the shop would start to operate. 

you don’t know what came over you but you felt like you had to run away so you did. run away from these thoughts of uncertainty and insecurity. you prayed for him to return the feelings and you could only pace around the room, waiting for a reply. 

several days had passed and you completely avoided the shop incase changmin would feel uncomfortable because he has yet to reply to you. even though you badly wanted to see him, you’d rather not make matters worse. 

you were in your room, drawing flower sketches all over your notes when the doorbell rang. you begrudgingly stepped towards the front door and was met with a bouquet of yellow flowers. a card on the front had your name on it so you immediately brought it to your room. 

you took a deep breath in before ripping the card apart from the staple. it read, “to: y/n, from: changmin”. wait, changmin? he gave you flowers? oh my god, he gave you flowers! today was a happy day and that was the only thing you could think of.

you hastily opened the card and he only wrote two words in there. “yellow carnations.”

hold on, these words were familiar to you. you’ve seen this in the book he gave you before. you were almost like a mad woman, flipping and scanning through every page until you found ‘yellow carnations’. you hoped for the best but the words written in the book only made you feel like digging a hole in the backyard for yourself.

“yellow carnations symbolise rejection and disdain.”

(fill in this form to be part of my permanent taglist!)

permanent taglist: @stealanity @yengyangyo @jaerisdiction @zwiehe @luvrbin @odxrilove @coffee-jeon @changmin-wrlds @mavericsohn @sjyuniverse @luvkellys7nhur @winterbeartaehyungbestboy @nyujjan @defjcm @onlyticket-home @poeticdamn @sunnysunwoo0412 @notbeforelong @g0lden-sunset @quoiaaa (if u have asked to be in my taglist and ur user isn't inside, it means it's invalid so ask again! thank you <3)

sorry for being inactive, this has been sitting in my drafts, so might as well post it!

love, leona

Masterlist

Welcome to my masterlist 🤍

I will try my best to stay on top of it and update it whenever I post something new xoxo

Request status: CLOSED

Works in the making

Fluff= 🧸

Angst= 🥀

Smut= 🔥

Enhypen:

Heeseung:

I forgot 🧸🥀🔥

The locker rooms 🧸🥀🔥

Jay:

Mornings with you 🧸🔥

Jake:

Gimme attention 🧸🥀🔥

Sunghoon:

Work up a sweat 🔥

Please like me 🧸🥀

Sunoo:

Jungwon:

Don’t call me cute! 🧸

Forgiveness 🔥

Under the blanket 🔥

Niki: (fluff/angst only!!!)

Enhypen NSFW links - minors DNI‼️

Stray Kids:

The Boyz:

[02:04] | tbz lee jaehyun | hyunjae

» ​PAIRING: tbz lee jaehyun (hyunjae) x fem reader​ » TROPE/AU​: friends 2 lovers (mentioned from backstory!), non-idol au! established relationship au! marriage au! » GENRE​: fluffy fluff, slight angst (?), ​husband hyunjae, he's super patient and understanding, hurt/comfort, wedding vows (it's so cute, i love it) » WORD COUNT: ​3743 » ESTIMATED READING TIME: ~14 mins » WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!): mentions of pregnancy, insecurities, mentions of a broken family/childhood (reader's side), proofread once

my second timestamp story! thank you for all the love on the first one! (pst! it's sunwoo! 🦝) hopefully, this one lives up to your expectations! (if there are any uwu). sorry for my weird, unscheduled, random posting times > <

shoutout to my mum who (i bet) went through a lot to make sure i would grow up well. thank you for always reminding me that you don't regret having me and loving me with all your being. love you mumma! 💗

navi/masterlist!!

You remembered when you tucked yourself into bed alone after reminding Jaehyun to come to bed soon. He was so close to finishing his work that you didn’t want to force him out of his zone, understanding that he would feel more peaceful if he finished it sooner even if it meant ruining his internal body clock a little bit for it.

Opening your eyes and taking a deep breath in the calming darkness, you smiled at the arm that rested across your now flat stomach. During your whole pregnancy stages, especially when that wicked pregnancy pillow put a physical barrier between you and your loving husband, he would at least reach out and hold your hand (or particularly your stomach bump), a huge downgrade from how his chest would completely be on your back and he hushes you asleep with his soft snores. 

You knew as soon as you turned your head to the right that Jaehyun managed to finish his work, a neutral smile on his face as compared to the slight pout and the subtle crease between his eyebrows as he sometimes grunts in his sleep from the past few days. An affectionate gaze falls upon your eyes when Jaehyun grunts and scoots over to your side of the bed, his unconscious mind telling him to move closer to his wife after he throws the pillow away to the other side of the room in excitement as soon as your new family arrived home three days ago. You chuckle at the way his right hand past the top of your stomach to hook your waist and pull you closer to him. Now half awake, Jaehyun made himself comfortable by burrowing his nose and lips into the crook of your neck and you immediately looked up towards the ceiling to let him do so.

A satisfied hum comes out from the man beside you, “This is nice.” He brushes the warm skin of your neck with his colder nose and his soft lips press multiple kisses from your jawline to your right shoulder.

“Jae.” You chuckle at his playful nature, “Go back to sleep, hm? You have work tomorrow.”

Jaehyun groans at the grim reminder. He’s been at home ever since you came back home, using up some of his leave days to take care of you and your newborn child. He was about to use it all but you stopped him, convincing him that you’re able to take care of yourself and your child, moreover to save those days in case a ‘real’ emergency does occur. Every day and every moment, you look at your husband who you treasure so much and you can’t help but think about how much you love this man with all your heart, mind and soul.

“Don’t remind me of that, bubs.” Finally opening his eyes, he relied on the subtle moonlight that seeped through your curtains and looked at your side view with ‘that’ gaze. 

‘That’ gaze that reminds you every day that you’re worth it for you. ‘That’ gaze that he kept even after ten years of meeting each other. ‘That’ gaze that was plastered on his face when he went down on one knee to propose to you. ‘That’ gaze that was present when he read his wedding vows and wiped the tears on your face when you read yours. ‘That’ gaze (mixed with immense happiness and excitement) when you told him you were pregnant. 

It holds many meanings and you were sure that the list would continue, building from all the blessed experiences so far.

Only chuckling at the way that he pouts cutely at you, you turn your body to face him, creating a small gap between you both as you press a peck on his lips, “Thank you for using your leave days to take care of us.”

“Of course, I would.” Jaehyun shook his head slightly to validate his point, “You both are my whole world. I can’t afford to lose you or baby.” It was the way that your eyes slightly pooled with tears that he replaced the pout and shushing the soft whimpers that left your now shaky lips, “Hey…what’s wrong?”

Your once small cries amplified drastically and Jaehyun’s eyes widened in shock, quickly pulling you into his embrace. He slips his left hand under your neck, bringing your tear-stricken face into his chest as you sob in his arms. Jaehyun comfortingly whispers sweet nothings into your ear, patting your head and pressing occasional kisses on your forehead. You stayed wordless for a while, enjoying the company and how close your entire body could be now after you gave birth.

“Catch your breath. I’ll be right here.” Jaehyun reminds you between your tired gasps for air, “I’ll always be here next to you, waiting for you, loving you more and more with each passing day.”

You couldn’t do anything but just nod, your heart melting at the sincere words, “I’m scared.”

“Of what, bubs?”

“Like,” You started, audibly voicing out the thoughts that have been swarming and eating you alive inside and out, “what happens if I mess up?”

It isn’t the first time that you had this kind of conversation. The very first time was when the adrenaline from your system was drained after announcing that positive pregnancy test to Jaehyun. You voiced out your worries as an upcoming parent, worried that you would accidentally pass down your problems, anxiety and worries to your child. Out of everything you want the most in the world, all you want is for your children to grow up without your traumas and problems affecting them because that’s not the kind of life that they deserve. Of course, that’s unrealistic. Children are indeed a slight depiction of their parents and how they would act around other people outside the family says a lot about how their parents raised them.

You can just imagine a situation where your anxiety takes over, you crouch down to be eye level with your extremely young child, giving them a lecture about what they should or shouldn’t do, extending that talks to both extreme sides of ‘what if’s and how they should just be more careful, less daring and---

“Jae, promise me that you’ll make sure she doesn’t grow up like me.” It was a desperate plea, almost as if you would walk out of their lives in the next second. The anxiety completely took over your body as you clenched Jaehyun’s shirt in your fist as a physical response, looking up at him desperately and Jaehyun’s eyebrows crashed together, “She doesn’t deserve that, Jae. Those silent cries, hating everyone around me, feeling like no one loved me and wanting to just end---”

“Don’t.” It was stern yet it still held a lot of patience and love. Jaehyun smiles sadly at the words that he has heard multiple times but even so, he would never stop reminding you of all the things he loves about you. He would never stop hugging you, holding your body and pulling you towards him, giving you all his love and company, “Don’t say that about yourself when you’re the reason why I wake up happy every day, bubs.”

“But Jae---”

“You know,” He whispers into the silent yet wavering night. Jaehyun takes a deep inhale of the air, tilting his head to rest his chin on the top of your head, “I was so scared of losing you as time went on.”

You calmed down, shutting your eyes as you focused on his heartbeat to pull you back to the present time. Jaehyun just smiles at the slightly open door of your room and he reminds himself of his newborn child on the other side of their bedroom door. When you hummed confusingly at his words, your husband just nodded, “Why were you scared?”

“Well,” If it wasn’t for the fact that your face was hidden into his collarbone, you would be able to see the blushing mess that Jaehyun was. A deep red blush was on his face, spreading to his ears; but you did feel the warmth on his neck as you kissed his skin delicately and it made Jaehyun more of a mess, “of course if it didn’t work out and you didn’t feel the same way, it would become awkward and even though we were such close friends, I knew that if I was rejected, I wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with you anymore. I really could’ve lost you.”

You never really knew this about Jaehyun. Whenever you asked about the day that he confessed to you to be his girlfriend, he only talked about his plans and how your mutual friends all pushed him to confess to you. You also told him about how the same mutual friends pushed you to confess back to him, yet you were a coward that you became used to telling yourself that if you ever ended up with Jaehyun, it would only hinder him in life; because who would love a broken girl when they could love a perfect one instead?

And so when he confessed, asked for a chance and promised to love you dearly after two years of mutual pining, you didn’t realise that time flew by so quickly that on the sixth year when Jaehyun kneeled and asked for your hand in marriage two years ago, a sudden hit of ‘reality’ (or so you called it) crashed into you. 

You really did find love when you thought for the longest, most tiring and hardest times when you didn’t think anyone would love you as you are. Seriously, how could anyone love you when you were still so stuck between believing and convincing yourself that you are enough? 

“I knew I had to take a chance,” Jaehyun continues his thoughts, “because when I closed my eyes and realised that if I didn’t at least try to make you mine, you might just completely slip from my life. Selfishly as well, I didn’t want to see you smiling in another person’s arms and kissing that person every time you wake up and go to sleep.”

The thought of you two doing just that ever since you moved in together five years ago suddenly made you blush and you couldn’t help but let out a string of complaints. Jaehyun just laughs (and quietly lets out a sigh of relief) when you finally release his shirt, wrapping your small hands around his bigger build instead, “I’m sorry that I didn’t realise that you went through all that.”

“No, it’s alright.” He reassures you again for the nth time in the last hour, “I have you now. You are all I ever wanted.” Pulling away and reaching to cup your wet cheeks, his thumbs swipe your almost dry cheek, offering you that familiar warmth that only he could give, “It’s all worth it in the end.”

“Really?” Another tear managed to slip out of your eyes and you couldn’t help but stare at him apprehensively as the devil inside your mind managed to manipulate your thinking, “I’m such a high-maintenance person, Jae…I really wouldn’t blame you if you wake up one day and decide to just…” He shakes his head throughout your small speech, knowing the similar words that you would say to him once in a while, “leave…” It came out quieter than you thought, maybe because he already knew anyway, hence saying it again and again, the red-horned creature in your mind rejoices as your childhood traumas reminded you of how worthless you are to the world.

Usually at this time, Jaehyun would rebut your words immediately but the silence had your heart dropping and for a while, you thought that you had taken the words out of his mouth. Jaehyun kept his tired stare and suddenly you were aware of your dry mouth as you waited for any sort of words from your husband. He removes the hand that was on your cheek, reaching behind to grab his device from the bedside table, “Hold on, okay?”

For a second, you really thought this was it for the both of you. During these moments of much-needed comfort, Jaehyun has always given you his undivided attention but now as the blue light reflects on his squinting eyes, you couldn’t help but let the tears flow down your eyes once again. Did he finally give up on me? Were the only thoughts that swarmed your mind as you watched how his thumb scrolled and colours reflected on the smooth surface of his dewy skin, “Jae?” Time made you desperate for a response and you were about to clench on his shirt again when he let out a small ‘aha’ and played the video on his phone.

You recognised the scene on his phone immediately without looking. The familiar scene, cheers, whooping and excitement radiating off the background noises had you sobbing again. Jaehyun sets the volume, puts his phone back on the bedside table and gives you his attention again, “My mum was sorting videos on her phone when she came across this and sent it to me.” He presses a comforting kiss on your lips and calms your shaking body, “I’m sure you remember this right?”

You just nod and Jaehyun pulls your face into his chest once again, letting the sound from the video consume you both into your worlds.

“As soon as you stepped into those classroom doors, all eyes were on you and undoubtedly mine too.” You were already starting to tear up just from the first few sentences, “Ah…I only just started…” You scanned your next words, just sniffling from the longer sentences that you didn't know how to not cry to while the audience let out words of encouragement and small laughs. 

Your soon-to-be husband steps towards you, kissing the side of your head, “Should I go first?”

“Do you mind?” You laugh, feeling embarrassed. 

“Not at all.” Jaehyun takes out his paper from his suit, taking the microphone from you, “I already knew this would happen guys.” He announced to the audience and you rolled your eyes jokingly, “Ok…I’ll start.”

You knew very well that your eye makeup was most probably ruined and you looked some sort of a mess at the moment so you couldn’t help but stare down at the floor. Jaehyun gives you a quick kiss on the crown of your head, swooning the audience with his romantic gesture making him chuckle before clearing his throat and starting his vows.

“I remember the day I walked into that classroom on my first day of school. No doubt, I didn’t want to be there. Not just at that school or at that classroom: I just didn’t want to be in Seoul. The sudden move because of my dad’s work made me leave all the memories I had in Incheon in a month and as an innocent young child who was already happy with everything, I didn’t want to leave.

Alas, even my mother told me we had to go and that’s when I knew that moving was inevitable. School work was already hard as it was and I had to move to a big city where I knew no one, having to start all over again from the ‘Hi. My name is Lee Jaehyun. I hope we’ll get along well.’ really made me reach the peak of my mood swings during puberty.”

Jaehyun alternates his eye contact between you and the audience who reacts to the groom with happiness, and laughter as some of his closest friends give him encouraging, funny body language. He points them out and the said friends complain whilst the audience just laughs at the group of boys on the side of the stage. However, it was how you finally raised your head and laughed along that made Jaehyun join in as well.

“For the first few weeks, I didn’t make an obvious effort to fit in. As you know, I joined clubs and did after-school activities. Studying was still my priority at this point but even that became so mundane and boring that I crashed and burnt out after a while. But maybe, the burnout was just what I needed because that was how I first met you. Had I not cried in the corner of the library in the ironically ‘health and wellbeing’ section, would you have even spoken to me? Would you have crouched down and tapped on my shoulder to ask if I was okay? Would you have sat down next to me silently as you read your book, waiting for me to answer your question?

The answer is: yes. Or at least I would like to believe so.

Why? Because no one will fully ever understand how much I love you. Maybe if it wasn’t that day in the library, I would’ve met you later. How much later, nobody knows and nobody will ever know because I’m about to marry that girl who made my day so much better in the library. But what I do know is that no matter when, where, why or how we would’ve met, I would have still fallen in love with your smile, your pout, your laugh, and the way you cutely complain about how I mess up your bubble tea order,” Jaehyun gives you a cheeky smile and you just scoff with a smile on your face, “the way you would cry in my arms when you had a bad day, the way you would drop everything when I have a bad day, the way you would try your best to stay awake until I’m done with my other priorities. 

But bubs, I hope you’ll always know that you’ll forever be my first, most top priority.

Even as we fight, cry and shout at each other words that we don’t mean, I hope you’ll always be able to go to sleep thinking that I’ll still love you. I’ll still be right by your side when your insecurities come by and pass. I’ll always remind you that you’ll always be enough no matter what you do. Your best will always be enough and I hope I’ll always be that person who can be your safe, happy place.”

No doubt now that you’re sobbing and when you look at your parents sitting down not far from the stage, your heart does clench a bit as you’re reminded of your childhood. Seeing them cry over Jaehyun’s words does seem a little bit strange to you as they never really minded your words whenever you were struggling with life. But then you remind yourself of what Jaehyun said to you a few seconds ago.

“I know for sure that you’ll always be enough for me.” Jaehyun continues, taking your mind off your parents as he looks at you understandingly, “I love you and I know I’ll continue to love you until the day I take my last breath. I’ll take care of you even when you’re not sick or feeling well, cherish all of you and be there for you even after death because I love you so much, sweetheart.”

The recording ended there and Jaehyun relished in the way that your body stopped shaking, your arms around his waist securely and your breathing back to normal. He knows instantly that you feel better just from those small actions. He also didn’t miss the smile that grew on your face even though you were literally cuddled up against his body, “So,” the deep whisper from your husband only made you push your face even further up his body, now burying your face into his collarbone, “I just want to tell you that she will grow up beautifully just like her mother. Also, we’ll get through this together. Parenting isn’t supposed to be a one-person job after all.”

Nodding and burrowing yourself into the crook of his neck, you appreciate the way his words reminded the devil in the back of your head as it stomps off in defeat. The words supported the angel that finally won and it replaced the red creature, kicking the red light away to replace your body with a calming, soothing feeling that soon takes over your whole body, “I love you, Jae.”

“I love you too.” The warmth of the night overpowered the chilly night and the two of you held each other so lovingly that the weight of your eyelids eventually became too heavy for you to hold. Jaehyun waits patiently until sleep fully takes over you, fighting his yawn from escaping his mouth. Quietly, he just continued to stroke your exposed waist delicately, kissing your lips one last time before reminding you once more, “Always.”

It’s all very fortunate that your mind is now at ease and that you both were able to sleep after. But parenting duties call about half an hour later when cries are heard from the other side of the house and both your eyes open instantly. You were the first one to untangle your body from Jaehyun and you looked over to your husband who was still stirring himself awake again for the second time of the night as you both sat up on the bed, “I’m sorry.” You kiss him on the lips, cradling the back of his head and pushing his chest back down on the bed, “I’ll get her. Get back to sleep, Jae.”

“No no, I’ll go.” You disapprovingly groan at your husband who managed to push his sleepiness aside and sit up once again, his head hanging down in exhaustion, “Wha---bubs.” Instantly, you pushed him back down on the bed, pulling the blanket over up until his chin.

You adamantly tell your husband to try and go back to sleep. Jaehyun fakes his nod and closes his eyes, an idea popping up in his head as he plots to joke around with his wife. When you swing your legs over to the side of the bed, ready to stand up once more, Jaehyun quickly hugs you from behind, pressing a kiss on the back of your ear where you’re the most ticklish and sensitive. 

You froze at his actions and even though his sleepy voice was still evident, you could also hear all the love that he could offer you in this world with his playful tone, “Race you there, bubs.”

Jaehyun called in sick the next day.

navi/masterlist!!

tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️

that's him, that's just who he is | the boyz series introduction

"...and when I see him on my screen, no matter how things faded between us, I will always be able to put a smile on my face and tell them genuinely: that's him—that's the person who made a huge positive impact in my life. And when they ask back, "Really? How so?" I would simply shrug my shoulders and answer: that's just who he is—he's just capable of doing so."

» RELEASE DATE: as soon as possible! hopefully a week to a week and a half between each member! » WARNINGS (for this post—under 'keep reading' section): mentions of going through a tough time (not explicitly defined), healing and progress through the tough time (another warning will be mentioned if you do decide to read further! there is also a safe section after the gif) » WARNINGS (for the stories themselves): some have none, some do! but warnings according to the story will always be mentioned! navi/masterlist!! 🤍 series masterlist

ahhhh...where do i start?

i don't have a concrete idea/plan as to how this series is going to go yet. i don't have a story plan for each member yet either. all i have is the small indented idea and the sure idea that all the stories will be heavily inspired by each member's individual 'generation z' videos.

i'm pretty sure it will be a 'the boyz x reader' story series! currently, i'm settled with the idea that the reader is childhood/old friends with each member and they gradually drifted because life took them to different places. ultimately, the reader just looks back on their memories with each member. but, i don't think each story will be connected.

i was thinking of keeping a word limit of 2k for each story (we all know this isn't going to happen)

i chose the 'generation z' videos because i remember this being the videos that really 'pushed me' to stanning tbz. i've never seen these kinds of videos where idols talk openly about their feelings and i thought 'wait! i could implement this into a story!'

TRIGGER WARNING (safe after gif): mentions of going through a tough time (not explicitly defined), healing and progress through the tough time

addressing the 'personal healing project' part: i haven't been able to watch full videos and fully finish listening tbz related since august 11, 2023. today marks the 80th day that i've been stuck in the past and my own feelings.

long story short, something happened in my life and i had tbz content around me when the event occurred. unfortunately with tbz being there when it unfolded, everytime a song comes on or i see a picture of them, network of associations links me back to the event.

so i stopped listening, unfollowed tbz and all fan accounts specifically on instagram.

but thankfully for me...

i'm still able to write stories

i have seen improvement: able to see old pictures (day 18), unconsciously sung merry bad ending (day 26), consciously hummed lip gloss (day 37), finished up to the end of closer's second verse but backed out after (day 54), able to talk about tbz (day 66) etc.

it's been a hard journey but i have hope.

like changmin said in his 'generation z' video: still, i have hope. without hope, i don't think i can survive.

plus...i know that i still love and look up to the boyz so much.

because even though exposure therapy may still be too much for me now, the fact that time has done its work bit by bit, and i'm able to somewhat look at pictures of them, it means that i am healing.

this series...

is one of the topics that i wanted to 'experiment' with that i talked about in my about me page.

'generation z' pushed me into really stanning tbz and i just hope (and i hope endlessly) that maybe by going back to this video and implementing it to something i love (writing stories), that i'll be able to heal further.

tbz are having a comeback nov 20th! 🎉 i might not be able to follow them this comeback but please give them lots support!

as for this series...will you come along with me?

it's my first ever series ever since i started writing! i am so, very much excited!

i'll see you all soon!

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 series masterlist

tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️

that's him, that's just who he is | the boyz series masterlist

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 series introduction

lee sangyeon 🥭

jacob bae 🍐

kim younghoon 🍞

lee jaehyun | hyunjae 🎁

lee juyeon 🐱

kevin moon 🌙

choi chanhee | new 🐧

ji changmin | q 🐿️

ju haknyeon 🍊

kim sunwoo 🦝

eric sohn 🦄

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 series introduction

tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️

thank you for 100+ interactions!!

[02:04] | tbz lee jaehyun | hyunjae

» ​PAIRING: tbz lee jaehyun (hyunjae) x fem reader​ » TROPE/AU​: friends 2 lovers (mentioned from backstory!), non-idol au! established relationship au! marriage au! » GENRE​: fluffy fluff, slight angst (?), ​husband hyunjae, he's super patient and understanding, hurt/comfort, wedding vows (it's so cute, i love it) » WORD COUNT: ​3743 » ESTIMATED READING TIME: ~14 mins » WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!): mentions of pregnancy, insecurities, mentions of a broken family/childhood (reader's side), proofread once

my second timestamp story! thank you for all the love on the first one! (pst! it's sunwoo! 🦝) hopefully, this one lives up to your expectations! (if there are any uwu). sorry for my weird, unscheduled, random posting times > <

shoutout to my mum who (i bet) went through a lot to make sure i would grow up well. thank you for always reminding me that you don't regret having me and loving me with all your being. love you mumma! 💗

navi/masterlist!!

You remembered when you tucked yourself into bed alone after reminding Jaehyun to come to bed soon. He was so close to finishing his work that you didn’t want to force him out of his zone, understanding that he would feel more peaceful if he finished it sooner even if it meant ruining his internal body clock a little bit for it.

Opening your eyes and taking a deep breath in the calming darkness, you smiled at the arm that rested across your now flat stomach. During your whole pregnancy stages, especially when that wicked pregnancy pillow put a physical barrier between you and your loving husband, he would at least reach out and hold your hand (or particularly your stomach bump), a huge downgrade from how his chest would completely be on your back and he hushes you asleep with his soft snores. 

You knew as soon as you turned your head to the right that Jaehyun managed to finish his work, a neutral smile on his face as compared to the slight pout and the subtle crease between his eyebrows as he sometimes grunts in his sleep from the past few days. An affectionate gaze falls upon your eyes when Jaehyun grunts and scoots over to your side of the bed, his unconscious mind telling him to move closer to his wife after he throws the pillow away to the other side of the room in excitement as soon as your new family arrived home three days ago. You chuckle at the way his right hand past the top of your stomach to hook your waist and pull you closer to him. Now half awake, Jaehyun made himself comfortable by burrowing his nose and lips into the crook of your neck and you immediately looked up towards the ceiling to let him do so.

A satisfied hum comes out from the man beside you, “This is nice.” He brushes the warm skin of your neck with his colder nose and his soft lips press multiple kisses from your jawline to your right shoulder.

“Jae.” You chuckle at his playful nature, “Go back to sleep, hm? You have work tomorrow.”

Jaehyun groans at the grim reminder. He’s been at home ever since you came back home, using up some of his leave days to take care of you and your newborn child. He was about to use it all but you stopped him, convincing him that you’re able to take care of yourself and your child, moreover to save those days in case a ‘real’ emergency does occur. Every day and every moment, you look at your husband who you treasure so much and you can’t help but think about how much you love this man with all your heart, mind and soul.

“Don’t remind me of that, bubs.” Finally opening his eyes, he relied on the subtle moonlight that seeped through your curtains and looked at your side view with ‘that’ gaze. 

‘That’ gaze that reminds you every day that you’re worth it for you. ‘That’ gaze that he kept even after ten years of meeting each other. ‘That’ gaze that was plastered on his face when he went down on one knee to propose to you. ‘That’ gaze that was present when he read his wedding vows and wiped the tears on your face when you read yours. ‘That’ gaze (mixed with immense happiness and excitement) when you told him you were pregnant. 

It holds many meanings and you were sure that the list would continue, building from all the blessed experiences so far.

Only chuckling at the way that he pouts cutely at you, you turn your body to face him, creating a small gap between you both as you press a peck on his lips, “Thank you for using your leave days to take care of us.”

“Of course, I would.” Jaehyun shook his head slightly to validate his point, “You both are my whole world. I can’t afford to lose you or baby.” It was the way that your eyes slightly pooled with tears that he replaced the pout and shushing the soft whimpers that left your now shaky lips, “Hey…what’s wrong?”

Your once small cries amplified drastically and Jaehyun’s eyes widened in shock, quickly pulling you into his embrace. He slips his left hand under your neck, bringing your tear-stricken face into his chest as you sob in his arms. Jaehyun comfortingly whispers sweet nothings into your ear, patting your head and pressing occasional kisses on your forehead. You stayed wordless for a while, enjoying the company and how close your entire body could be now after you gave birth.

“Catch your breath. I’ll be right here.” Jaehyun reminds you between your tired gasps for air, “I’ll always be here next to you, waiting for you, loving you more and more with each passing day.”

You couldn’t do anything but just nod, your heart melting at the sincere words, “I’m scared.”

“Of what, bubs?”

“Like,” You started, audibly voicing out the thoughts that have been swarming and eating you alive inside and out, “what happens if I mess up?”

It isn’t the first time that you had this kind of conversation. The very first time was when the adrenaline from your system was drained after announcing that positive pregnancy test to Jaehyun. You voiced out your worries as an upcoming parent, worried that you would accidentally pass down your problems, anxiety and worries to your child. Out of everything you want the most in the world, all you want is for your children to grow up without your traumas and problems affecting them because that’s not the kind of life that they deserve. Of course, that’s unrealistic. Children are indeed a slight depiction of their parents and how they would act around other people outside the family says a lot about how their parents raised them.

You can just imagine a situation where your anxiety takes over, you crouch down to be eye level with your extremely young child, giving them a lecture about what they should or shouldn’t do, extending that talks to both extreme sides of ‘what if’s and how they should just be more careful, less daring and---

“Jae, promise me that you’ll make sure she doesn’t grow up like me.” It was a desperate plea, almost as if you would walk out of their lives in the next second. The anxiety completely took over your body as you clenched Jaehyun’s shirt in your fist as a physical response, looking up at him desperately and Jaehyun’s eyebrows crashed together, “She doesn’t deserve that, Jae. Those silent cries, hating everyone around me, feeling like no one loved me and wanting to just end---”

“Don’t.” It was stern yet it still held a lot of patience and love. Jaehyun smiles sadly at the words that he has heard multiple times but even so, he would never stop reminding you of all the things he loves about you. He would never stop hugging you, holding your body and pulling you towards him, giving you all his love and company, “Don’t say that about yourself when you’re the reason why I wake up happy every day, bubs.”

“But Jae---”

“You know,” He whispers into the silent yet wavering night. Jaehyun takes a deep inhale of the air, tilting his head to rest his chin on the top of your head, “I was so scared of losing you as time went on.”

You calmed down, shutting your eyes as you focused on his heartbeat to pull you back to the present time. Jaehyun just smiles at the slightly open door of your room and he reminds himself of his newborn child on the other side of their bedroom door. When you hummed confusingly at his words, your husband just nodded, “Why were you scared?”

“Well,” If it wasn’t for the fact that your face was hidden into his collarbone, you would be able to see the blushing mess that Jaehyun was. A deep red blush was on his face, spreading to his ears; but you did feel the warmth on his neck as you kissed his skin delicately and it made Jaehyun more of a mess, “of course if it didn’t work out and you didn’t feel the same way, it would become awkward and even though we were such close friends, I knew that if I was rejected, I wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with you anymore. I really could’ve lost you.”

You never really knew this about Jaehyun. Whenever you asked about the day that he confessed to you to be his girlfriend, he only talked about his plans and how your mutual friends all pushed him to confess to you. You also told him about how the same mutual friends pushed you to confess back to him, yet you were a coward that you became used to telling yourself that if you ever ended up with Jaehyun, it would only hinder him in life; because who would love a broken girl when they could love a perfect one instead?

And so when he confessed, asked for a chance and promised to love you dearly after two years of mutual pining, you didn’t realise that time flew by so quickly that on the sixth year when Jaehyun kneeled and asked for your hand in marriage two years ago, a sudden hit of ‘reality’ (or so you called it) crashed into you. 

You really did find love when you thought for the longest, most tiring and hardest times when you didn’t think anyone would love you as you are. Seriously, how could anyone love you when you were still so stuck between believing and convincing yourself that you are enough? 

“I knew I had to take a chance,” Jaehyun continues his thoughts, “because when I closed my eyes and realised that if I didn’t at least try to make you mine, you might just completely slip from my life. Selfishly as well, I didn’t want to see you smiling in another person’s arms and kissing that person every time you wake up and go to sleep.”

The thought of you two doing just that ever since you moved in together five years ago suddenly made you blush and you couldn’t help but let out a string of complaints. Jaehyun just laughs (and quietly lets out a sigh of relief) when you finally release his shirt, wrapping your small hands around his bigger build instead, “I’m sorry that I didn’t realise that you went through all that.”

“No, it’s alright.” He reassures you again for the nth time in the last hour, “I have you now. You are all I ever wanted.” Pulling away and reaching to cup your wet cheeks, his thumbs swipe your almost dry cheek, offering you that familiar warmth that only he could give, “It’s all worth it in the end.”

“Really?” Another tear managed to slip out of your eyes and you couldn’t help but stare at him apprehensively as the devil inside your mind managed to manipulate your thinking, “I’m such a high-maintenance person, Jae…I really wouldn’t blame you if you wake up one day and decide to just…” He shakes his head throughout your small speech, knowing the similar words that you would say to him once in a while, “leave…” It came out quieter than you thought, maybe because he already knew anyway, hence saying it again and again, the red-horned creature in your mind rejoices as your childhood traumas reminded you of how worthless you are to the world.

Usually at this time, Jaehyun would rebut your words immediately but the silence had your heart dropping and for a while, you thought that you had taken the words out of his mouth. Jaehyun kept his tired stare and suddenly you were aware of your dry mouth as you waited for any sort of words from your husband. He removes the hand that was on your cheek, reaching behind to grab his device from the bedside table, “Hold on, okay?”

For a second, you really thought this was it for the both of you. During these moments of much-needed comfort, Jaehyun has always given you his undivided attention but now as the blue light reflects on his squinting eyes, you couldn’t help but let the tears flow down your eyes once again. Did he finally give up on me? Were the only thoughts that swarmed your mind as you watched how his thumb scrolled and colours reflected on the smooth surface of his dewy skin, “Jae?” Time made you desperate for a response and you were about to clench on his shirt again when he let out a small ‘aha’ and played the video on his phone.

You recognised the scene on his phone immediately without looking. The familiar scene, cheers, whooping and excitement radiating off the background noises had you sobbing again. Jaehyun sets the volume, puts his phone back on the bedside table and gives you his attention again, “My mum was sorting videos on her phone when she came across this and sent it to me.” He presses a comforting kiss on your lips and calms your shaking body, “I’m sure you remember this right?”

You just nod and Jaehyun pulls your face into his chest once again, letting the sound from the video consume you both into your worlds.

“As soon as you stepped into those classroom doors, all eyes were on you and undoubtedly mine too.” You were already starting to tear up just from the first few sentences, “Ah…I only just started…” You scanned your next words, just sniffling from the longer sentences that you didn't know how to not cry to while the audience let out words of encouragement and small laughs. 

Your soon-to-be husband steps towards you, kissing the side of your head, “Should I go first?”

“Do you mind?” You laugh, feeling embarrassed. 

“Not at all.” Jaehyun takes out his paper from his suit, taking the microphone from you, “I already knew this would happen guys.” He announced to the audience and you rolled your eyes jokingly, “Ok…I’ll start.”

You knew very well that your eye makeup was most probably ruined and you looked some sort of a mess at the moment so you couldn’t help but stare down at the floor. Jaehyun gives you a quick kiss on the crown of your head, swooning the audience with his romantic gesture making him chuckle before clearing his throat and starting his vows.

“I remember the day I walked into that classroom on my first day of school. No doubt, I didn’t want to be there. Not just at that school or at that classroom: I just didn’t want to be in Seoul. The sudden move because of my dad’s work made me leave all the memories I had in Incheon in a month and as an innocent young child who was already happy with everything, I didn’t want to leave.

Alas, even my mother told me we had to go and that’s when I knew that moving was inevitable. School work was already hard as it was and I had to move to a big city where I knew no one, having to start all over again from the ‘Hi. My name is Lee Jaehyun. I hope we’ll get along well.’ really made me reach the peak of my mood swings during puberty.”

Jaehyun alternates his eye contact between you and the audience who reacts to the groom with happiness, and laughter as some of his closest friends give him encouraging, funny body language. He points them out and the said friends complain whilst the audience just laughs at the group of boys on the side of the stage. However, it was how you finally raised your head and laughed along that made Jaehyun join in as well.

“For the first few weeks, I didn’t make an obvious effort to fit in. As you know, I joined clubs and did after-school activities. Studying was still my priority at this point but even that became so mundane and boring that I crashed and burnt out after a while. But maybe, the burnout was just what I needed because that was how I first met you. Had I not cried in the corner of the library in the ironically ‘health and wellbeing’ section, would you have even spoken to me? Would you have crouched down and tapped on my shoulder to ask if I was okay? Would you have sat down next to me silently as you read your book, waiting for me to answer your question?

The answer is: yes. Or at least I would like to believe so.

Why? Because no one will fully ever understand how much I love you. Maybe if it wasn’t that day in the library, I would’ve met you later. How much later, nobody knows and nobody will ever know because I’m about to marry that girl who made my day so much better in the library. But what I do know is that no matter when, where, why or how we would’ve met, I would have still fallen in love with your smile, your pout, your laugh, and the way you cutely complain about how I mess up your bubble tea order,” Jaehyun gives you a cheeky smile and you just scoff with a smile on your face, “the way you would cry in my arms when you had a bad day, the way you would drop everything when I have a bad day, the way you would try your best to stay awake until I’m done with my other priorities. 

But bubs, I hope you’ll always know that you’ll forever be my first, most top priority.

Even as we fight, cry and shout at each other words that we don’t mean, I hope you’ll always be able to go to sleep thinking that I’ll still love you. I’ll still be right by your side when your insecurities come by and pass. I’ll always remind you that you’ll always be enough no matter what you do. Your best will always be enough and I hope I’ll always be that person who can be your safe, happy place.”

No doubt now that you’re sobbing and when you look at your parents sitting down not far from the stage, your heart does clench a bit as you’re reminded of your childhood. Seeing them cry over Jaehyun’s words does seem a little bit strange to you as they never really minded your words whenever you were struggling with life. But then you remind yourself of what Jaehyun said to you a few seconds ago.

“I know for sure that you’ll always be enough for me.” Jaehyun continues, taking your mind off your parents as he looks at you understandingly, “I love you and I know I’ll continue to love you until the day I take my last breath. I’ll take care of you even when you’re not sick or feeling well, cherish all of you and be there for you even after death because I love you so much, sweetheart.”

The recording ended there and Jaehyun relished in the way that your body stopped shaking, your arms around his waist securely and your breathing back to normal. He knows instantly that you feel better just from those small actions. He also didn’t miss the smile that grew on your face even though you were literally cuddled up against his body, “So,” the deep whisper from your husband only made you push your face even further up his body, now burying your face into his collarbone, “I just want to tell you that she will grow up beautifully just like her mother. Also, we’ll get through this together. Parenting isn’t supposed to be a one-person job after all.”

Nodding and burrowing yourself into the crook of his neck, you appreciate the way his words reminded the devil in the back of your head as it stomps off in defeat. The words supported the angel that finally won and it replaced the red creature, kicking the red light away to replace your body with a calming, soothing feeling that soon takes over your whole body, “I love you, Jae.”

“I love you too.” The warmth of the night overpowered the chilly night and the two of you held each other so lovingly that the weight of your eyelids eventually became too heavy for you to hold. Jaehyun waits patiently until sleep fully takes over you, fighting his yawn from escaping his mouth. Quietly, he just continued to stroke your exposed waist delicately, kissing your lips one last time before reminding you once more, “Always.”

It’s all very fortunate that your mind is now at ease and that you both were able to sleep after. But parenting duties call about half an hour later when cries are heard from the other side of the house and both your eyes open instantly. You were the first one to untangle your body from Jaehyun and you looked over to your husband who was still stirring himself awake again for the second time of the night as you both sat up on the bed, “I’m sorry.” You kiss him on the lips, cradling the back of his head and pushing his chest back down on the bed, “I’ll get her. Get back to sleep, Jae.”

“No no, I’ll go.” You disapprovingly groan at your husband who managed to push his sleepiness aside and sit up once again, his head hanging down in exhaustion, “Wha---bubs.” Instantly, you pushed him back down on the bed, pulling the blanket over up until his chin.

You adamantly tell your husband to try and go back to sleep. Jaehyun fakes his nod and closes his eyes, an idea popping up in his head as he plots to joke around with his wife. When you swing your legs over to the side of the bed, ready to stand up once more, Jaehyun quickly hugs you from behind, pressing a kiss on the back of your ear where you’re the most ticklish and sensitive. 

You froze at his actions and even though his sleepy voice was still evident, you could also hear all the love that he could offer you in this world with his playful tone, “Race you there, bubs.”

Jaehyun called in sick the next day.

navi/masterlist!!

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