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GOOD POST. LONG POST BUT GOOD POST.

This book- The Haunted Self is available online as a pdf if you know where to look :)

Why Alters Are All You, & The Formation Of DID

Tw for talk of abuse (implications to different types), trauma, unsafe caregivers, trauma responses, homophobia, and brief talk of death. We're talking about the formation of DID, childhood trauma, please be cautious if you continue.

Let's discuss what people say is the basics of Dissociative Identity Disorder, its formation. The current leading theory is the Theory of Structural Dissociation (ToSD). Yes, we still need to know more about this disorder, but this is the current leading theory and was written by Ellert R. Nijenhuis, Kathy Steele, and Onno Van Der Hart. They took some research, ideas, and words from other authors and researchers, added their research and ideas, mixed it all together and presented us with the ToSD in their book: The Haunted Self.

Now, there are plenty of problems with the theory, and I know that Hart and other researchers you see in this field haven't been the best people. However, it is currently the leading theory. Colin A Ross spoke about numerous problems with the theory, but he even states that this theory is a significant contribution. While yes, it isn't perfect, and any scientific theory can and should be constantly improved on, its pretty damn good. What I understood from reading Ross' response, the understanding it gives us of DID is good, the issue is when it addresses other disorders, or lack there of. I will state, before going onto my point of the post, that Ross mentions that there is confusion of what counts as an emotional part (EP). In the sense of, how differentiated does an EP need to be, to count as a separate dissociated state?

I don't want to go into that all today, because I'm not a professional and cannot confirm what would count, at least in Ross' eyes.

What I want to talk about, is what the ToSD does give us, and why it explains that all parts/alters are You.

Now, I know I will get a lot of hate for this. So all I'll say is that: I'm willing to discuss this matter further, however I will not tolerate any insults, threats, belittlement, or any other kinds of hate. If you are mature, I'm open to discussion.

The ToSD states that everyone is born with ego states. These states are in charge of meeting specific needs. A child needs love, affection, food, comfort, sleep, etc etc. If a child is able to dissociate to a high level, has a disorganised attachment to their primary caregiver (which is inherently traumatic), and experiences repeated childhood trauma, they can potentially develop DID.

If a child experiences trauma, their brain is going to do its absolute best to protect them. They may fight, flight, or freeze (especially if it is repeated). Maybe all three. That child may subconsciously think that if they were a different gender, or a different age, or maybe if they were stronger or scarier, they could prevent this from happening to them. Maybe they felt like they deserved this pain, that they're an awful monster, or just a toy or an animal to their abusers. Maybe they just refused to accept this was happening to them because if it did, they would be dead.

Their brain will do anything it can to try and prevent and explain this trauma.

They may try to seek help from caregivers, but remember, in the case of DID, that child will have some kind of disorganised attachment. That child will not feel safe enough to tell them about this trauma, or if they do, they aren't supported in the way they need to heal and process. Maybe their caregivers are the source of this trauma, they have already tried to tell them to stop.

Nothing is working, this child is essentially trapped.

So, like I said earlier, this child's subconscious is working on overdrive and trying its absolute best to survive this. Dissociation is a very complex and extraordinary coping mechanism.

So the child pushes away the trauma, dissociating so chronically they disconnect to everything happening, and themselves. This dissociation is keeping those different ego states separated, preventing from them integrating during childhood. Instead, this dissociation basically creates amnesiac barries between each ego state. If that dissociation wasn't there, those states would try to integrate, but because some experienced trauma, they cannot harmoniously coexist. This is the differentiation between ANP's and EP's. ANP's (apparently normal parts) are the parts that are in charge of daily living, they are disconnected from any trauma. EP's (emotional parts) are the parts that remember or are connected to different traumas. EP's dont have to be emotional, it simply is to refer to the parts that are connected to trauma.

Anyway, mini ramble aside. ANP's and EP's are separated from each other, they still are aiming to meet certain needs for the child/person now. That's why it is so helpful or common for systems to catagorise alters into roles. Some parts are simply trauma responses, some exist to make friendships and connections, some have very specific roles/needs they meet, some alters exist to soothe, or protect, or whatever. They are still dissociated parts, aiming to meet needs.

All alters are still dissociated from each other, and some may believe they are the only one there, or the "original" because they are an ANP or host. Again there is not an "original" because the full personality was never whole to begin with. You started with different ego states, and you still are different ego states (obviously alters have grown and developed (but still not fully)).

So with that being understood, lets address the title of this post. All alters are You. Thinking about everything I have addressed for far, all alters are dissociated from each other, so what do you mean there can be a "You"? Again, I'm not talking about an "original", I'm talking about all aspects of the Self that is being dissociated from.

I used to find this fact absolutely ridiculous and hurtful and dismissing. But after starting to learn more about this disorder, working on self validation, and starting on trauma processing, it has made it so much easier to understand.

I, Virgil, am a part of Clem and Skye. Clem and Skye are parts of me. And this is the same for all alters. We are all different ego states that are dissociated from each other, from the Self.

So, what happens if we all fuse? And no, I'm not saying that's the only way to heal, I'm just trying to put this in perspective. If we all fuse, we would be dissociating so much less, we would be fused ego states and we'd create a fully formed and developed personality. We are all parts, and if we fuse, we create a whole.

A whole that we are no longer dissociating from. We will be the whole Self, the whole "You". We will not be dissociating from each other.

I cannot express this enough, fusions happen when you no longer need alters to be separated, they can exist harmoniously, they share emotions and thoughts and feelings and they are not dissociated from each other. There is no memory amnesia, or identity amnesia between them.

Again to clarify, all alters are dissociated ego states that grow and develop, and then if you all fuse, that is when the Self is no longer dissociated from. You'll finally be a complete You.

Another thing I want to address is differing opinions of alters. Let's use another hypothetical. Let's say you have like five different alters that are all queer in some way, but you have five that are cisgender and straight. Two of those cishet alters are homophobic and transphobic. So, if you all fuse, what will you identify as? While I cannot say anything for certain, I can take a big guess and say that no matter what you identify as, you may not be homophobic/transphobic. In this hypothetical, I'm assuming those alters have those beliefs because of things they experienced growing up. Internalised homophobia and all that. As you process trauma and become more accepting of yourself, and you fuse, I would guess those parts are no longer dissociated from that queer identity, whatever that identity may be.

I hope this makes sense. While alters can and do grow outside of trauma, those foundations are shaped because of the experiences of the child. Age, gender, opinions, personality, species, and even sexuality, can all be based and rooted in that trauma and experiences.

Healing from that trauma means reconnecting with the Self, whatever that looks like for you. It may not be the singlet persona many systems use, it may not be the host, it may be something different than what you originally thought. But it will be You and it will be right. It will be the Self that you've finally reconnected with.

Anyway, I think I've rambled enough. TLDR: all alters are You, and if you fuse, you will reconnect with the Self that was originally being dissociated from.

small edit: it is okay if you aren’t ready to accept alters and trauma. but that doesn't change the fact that you're all dissociated parts ✌️

Why do you say medically recognized system rather than diagnosed?

Good question; it boils down to how we access our therapy.

New Zealand has a recovery program covered by ACC (accident compensation corporation) for all New Zealanders that have experienced sexual assault within the country. To qualify, an individual must meet the criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder (PSTD) related to the sexual assault event/s. If they reach the diagnostic criteria for PSTD, the assessor/s will submit a recommendation for long term support, which in our case was approved. From there, individuals find a support person, councillor/therapist/psychologist, or whatever works for them, and their support person will communicate with ACC regarding the person's recovery.

The accessors we had completely refused to screen for DID, despite the referral including a recommendation to screen for it, and us already being suspicious of our dissociative symptoms and experiences aligning with that of OSDD/DID. We received a formal diagnosis of PSTD with high level dissociation. From there, we found a psych who had experience with DID, PSTD, and sexual trauma.

Jay, our therapist supports us and recognises our system, dissociative experiences, and other DID symptoms. When he submitted our recovery report, stated that we had DID, and that they would aid in our trauma recovery; integration, functional multiplicity or whatever pathway we decided to take.

The recovery team declined it (and in doing so, any future support) on the basis that PSTD was the diagnosis and not DID, despite their team never attempting to screen DID - and our therapist stating that he had met various parts/alters, discussed various symptoms and had run us through parts of the diagnostic process. He returned the recovery report with DID edited to state PSTD, and no further questions were asked.

I know Amber/🔥 finds this hilariously depressing. As she puts it, "DID is basically PSTD+, I don't see their issue with the difference, what the f**k?! Both are recognised trauma disorders??!?! and ACC's own website states that DID is a trauma response and has similarity to PSTD" [quote taken from our chat after I told her that ACC declined DID, but accepted PSTD].

Jay dislikes formal diagnosis related to mental disorders as he has had first-hand experience with various psychotic and DID individuals being discriminated against in the medical field, and outside, especially when they have intersecting identities like we do. Quote "It's an ink-blot you can't remove, once it's there, it's there. We can't remove it." and reiterated that if medical professionals need to know why we're disassociated or have bad memory, that it's in relation to PSTD and ADHD.

We have DID recognised by medical professionals; our general practitioner, Jay/our psych and our gynaecologist all know and understand that we have DID and what that means for future, medications and mental health; however we do not have the piece of paper that categorically states that "this person has DID"

I hope this answers it well. You are most welcome to ask more questions if you have them.

-Kyle (💜)

idkidk the place to ask but you seem knowledged a bit on system stuff and not like.. gatekeepy on experiences but i'm a questioning system and was wondering if its possible when a fictive splits and forms they come with like pre-knowledge on a langauge that the body/shared brain doesn't really speak or know that well spare from the most basic words?

or am i just. going through it /nav

Oh heya! You caught us at our 'blasting Vocaloid at full volume directly into our eardrums at 1am hours' skjhdskjdfhj /silly

And we love answering and helping others with this type of stuff! So you, and anyone else with questions, can come to our inbox for help :]

Anyways, yes that is entirely possible and has happened with us and others! We have fictives that know languages from source, whether they be real or fictional languages, that the body doesnt know much about. When that happens, depending on the headmate, they will either be confined to speaking the language in headspace, or if they want to speak/type that language in the body, theyll get translators; though we also have friend systems (and one of our partner systems) have been able to speak it bodily a little despite not really having much knowledge of the language previously. Its pretty cool, if a bit disorienting. We have a few headmates that can only speak/type if they use translators, or need another headmate to translate what they are saying in headspace.

For us personally, we have weird amnestic barriers with certain things regarding the body, so when theyre getting a translator to type in a language the body doesnt really know, they are usually the only one aware of the body doing that. Of course, you usually start to absorb knowledge of said language the more they speak/type it. We can read the enderian script pretty well now due to a few headmates in our own and other systems that use it, and morse code is another thing we're slowly learning. We want to learn other languages bodily, like Spanish and Russian, so they feel more comfortable and have that option without being confined to translators.

Tl;dr, yes it is entirely possible and a fairly common experience to have :]

I hope this helps! And our dms are always open if ya need it

came back wrong but its from the perspective of the person who came back

Hi, hope these sort of asks are okay but I just seen something about language? So aaa sorry for the ramble! We feel the need to explain:

I think we may be a P-DID/OSDD-1A system but I feel like we still have a sort of introject based on real/fictional people. Which is it possible? I heard the term for -1a and p-DID systems it’s like “facets” or “fabelings” but idk, I know that both myself and two others in our little space took on identities that brought us more comfort than “Sad Kevin.” “work Kevin”, etc sort of thing. I personally feel I am Dr. Iceberg, I have pseudomemories and just I know a take on an “adult” “work sort of deal.

Time to over explain! but We’re usually always very blurry sometimes sharing this metaphysical steering wheel or someone’s being a sort of backseat driver (car analogy is how we explain our experience). Our memories aren’t good and our host/main person (idk terms) he said he usually feels like he’s watching everything in a dream like state. If that makes sense. :p just, is it possible for us as osdd-1a to have introjects based on others? I feel like others will call us out for “faking.” Or worse :(( we do plan to talk to a therapist when we have the funds and feel safe in doing so but you seem very knowledgeable and safer to ask. /gen.

Hello there! I think you may have gotten the term mixed up a little bit. You can use whatever is most comfortable for you, but Facets is a term more commonly used for median systems rather than multiple systems.

Regardless, yes, it is entirely possible to have introjects in a P-DID/OSDD-1A system. We know lots of those types of systems with introjects! As far as Im concerned, most every type of system can have introjects if they feel thats what they are.

I know there are cases of a brainmade alter 'becoming' an introject, its a little hard to explain, but my personal understanding of it is this happens either through fusing with fragments, or kinning becoming something a little more personal to that headmate.

The car analogy is a great way to decribe your experiences! If you want to know some terms for those, fronting is when a headmate is in control of the body, co-fronting is kind of a secondary to that, and then co-consious is when your sort of watching, but may still be able to do things like type or speak with the body to communicate. Theres also passive influence, which is when said alter is not aware of whats going on in front, but may still affect what happens.

It made us really happy that yall trust us enough to ask about this stuff, even just on anon. I hope this helps! And dont listen to anyone that tries to fakeclaim you. I hate fakeclaimers, so much. Yall know whats going on with yallselves the best. Stay safe out there anon.

Feel free to come to our inbox again, or dms if yall are comfortable. And this goes for everyone, we love talking about this kind of stuff and answering it. :]