Still Learning - Tumblr Posts

Can't Drink Wine, But Can Whine

Summer is extremely uncomfortable for me. For some reason I can't handle the heat at all this year, not like last year. This might be because of the mysterious health problem I've developed over the past 6 or so months.

I'm lucky enough to have an air con in my room, but good god do I need one for the office. My bedroom is way too cramped to fit a desk in there, and my air con is too big to drag out anywhere else. Yes, first world problems. But still, it's hot as all hell, even with a fan pointed at me.

Also I hate not having an ergonomic chair. My back constantly hurts and it just adds to the discomfort.

Currently saving up for an air conditioner for the office and an ergonomic chair, but it's very slow because I'm a broke uni student and have to pay for expensive health insurance that I absolutely need for personal reasons I don't want to share. That, rent, food, and wifi suck up pretty much all of my money. Hence why I'm trying to start up an Etsy/Gumroad business and do content creation on the side. I'm starting off with clip compilations, but I might branch off into tutorials and gaming content with voice over. I'm very insecure about my tics, though. But for some reason I'm not afraid of creating things on YouTube anymore, so long as I don't show my face. It's not like people can hate me when I have 0 views. I've got nothing to lose, so long as people don't know who I am.

Anyhow, I can't live anywhere cheaper because of the rental crisis (there's literally nowhere available). I'm honestly lucky I'm not living under a bridge.

Overall, I'm extremely uncomfortable, and my sensory issues just make it a hell of a lot worse. Plus my disability makes things a lot worse, too. It could be worse, it could always be worse, but sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in my own personal hell. The only things that make me feel better is friends, the few family members I get along with, good food, animals, and the topics I'm endlessly passionate about that I keep switching between. These are the things that are literally keeping me alive. They make my life worth living.

I generally believe life is 50% hell 50% heaven. I feel that I've been through most of the hell, so surely things will start to get better soon. Life doesn't feel like it's in motion yet, but I'm sure it will when uni holidays are over. I just feel frozen in time, yet I'm also aware of every passing second getting closer to death.

I'm unfulfilled, incomplete, a work in progress. I feel like an unfinished painting, but I am the painter. I can't let myself slip away like I sometimes want to, not now, not ever, not until I've done what I've set out to do.

I'm a very motivated person, but my consistency is spread out. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, it means I can develop a few skills to a high level, just not one skill at a time. One skill at a time would be more efficient, but I don't operate that way. My neurodivergent brain won't allow it. I'm extremely creative because of it, though. Honestly if I could choose to be different, I don't think I would.

My memory issues are terrible, though. I don't remember most people from a year ago or longer, unless they traumatised me in some way, and even then, I only sometimes remember. I just remember how they made me feel. I remember to stay away from them. That's for the best, I'd say.

Honestly, I don't remember what happened almost at all if it's longer than a month ago, unless I'm in a certain frame of mind that remembers it. It's complicated. Really, I struggle to remember yesterday. I mostly live in today, with a little bit of yesterday, and flickers of the recent past. I know facts about myself, I even know things happened sometimes, but I lack the memories of them. They're just blank, empty. I don't think I'm supposed to know. If I remembered how much I suffer on a daily basis I think I'd have a breakdown and give up on life. In a way, I'm very lucky that I don't.

My dream messenger is a gigantic crow with shiny black feathers, and he's told me that sometimes losing things is for the best. I'm inclined to believe him.

Sweet Dee beat the system

I've figured out well enough my drawing style, but now there's the big issue of how to render 🙃 I render people 1 way, animals another, trees in one way, bushes in another, no idea how to do grass or buildings 🥴 what even are clouds?

I was a beginner and now, atill learning 🥹

Light brown, milk tea and coffee, café, relax 🤎

P/S: this is my first moodboard! And I'm obsessed with brown and silver aesthetic 😍

Oh what is this WOAH THIS IS A SKETCH

Jan ale o lukin!!!

So, I wanted to make a human version of TOKI PONA. If you don't know what toki pona is, it's a constructed language. For further info go to Google or some other browser idk.

Anyway, I just felt the urge to draw a human design for this language because I have been learning the thing for a month. I imagined them to wear something comfy and casual. they/them pronouns cause I'm not sure if it's a boy or a girl, don't judge me.

And if toki pona speakers stumble across this post... Guys, firstly, correct me if my grammar is wrong. Secondly, talk to me. Please.

I still have some trouble with memorizing some words and glyphs, so I can't even think abt learning the unofficial words... and my uni is starting and I will be learning sign language, and it means less free time and consequently less time for toki pona. maybe it'll fit into my schedule, maybe I'll return to learning it next summer. We'll see.

*Creepy imagery n’ loud yelling*

DogDay and CatNap from the cartoon world somehow made it to the real world… or smt idk.

This was definitely not an excuse to learn how to draw them.

A super professional ask blog (I've never done this before) Rules: - anyone/thing is allowed (ocs, pets, characters, etc.) - the clown you see before you can control space and time- so anything is fair game - don't feel pressured to ask or not ask, whatever you want, man! - if you have an oc, please send me a reference so I can draw them as best as I can :D I'll draw everyone in the style on the right! The only references I have for how this went (during tests) are on my tablet + were just silly doodles. If you want, I'll post those to give an idea of what this would look like!

I didn't know that eating a carb-heavy meal, especially after not having eaten all day, can trigger symptoms. 🫠 I had a 45 minute long tachycardic episode after my dinner yesterday.... nearly passed out, couldn't reach my meds, had a tiiiime..

Enjoying getting back into art. Always forget how much I enjoy it until I start up again.

pspspspsps @mrabubu I haz something for ju🧡

I heard from the grapevine that you were feeling sad. Here's hopefully a little pick me up and a reminder that you're doing a good job, hon.

You are loved and appreciated exactly as and where you are now.

Your art inspired me, and continues to inspire me, (and I know I'm not the only one) the instant I see it, and I wanted to try and capture how this particular photo made me feel.

Hopefully I captured the vibes right 🍀😬🤞🏼

Fantabulous Art credit belong to: @mrabubu

Music Credit belongs to: Chris Grey and his song LET THE WORLD BURN

Edits done with: InShot pro

As always @doreen090 since you're the one who started it all