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What did his neighbor Luke mean? Chris tried his best at everything. How could that possibly go wrong?
Luke put down his phone and let out a sigh. He then informed Chris ‘trying’ was exactly the problem. “Chris you were born adorable. You don’t need to be anything. Just be.”
Chris was still confused. “How come Brad didn’t get a lecture?”
Luke then informed Chris his boyfriend Brad wasn’t any more subtle or less offensive, just out of frame.
Brad text the photo of him in full costume over to his agent. Was the wardrobe 20th century ironic overkill or post-post-post modern Madonna blatancy?!
For Brad to really WERQ this Dollar Store photo shoot, he needed to know the backstory behind the costume and it’s designer, as well a passable fabricated construct of the social media campaign.
Who was the creator? What drove he/her/them? Influenced he/her/them? Inspired he/her/them? Made he/her/them who they are?
After wondering briefly if he left out too many pronouns, Brad then text the words “storytelling” “impact” and “authenticity” exactly five seconds apart. While he found intention rarely mattered in life, he knew buzz words always got you places.
Sooooo… Where was that exactly?
Brad would learn from AI that afternoon it was a public pool in the Valley about 20 min from Kim K's mansion in regular heavy traffic.
Five minutes later, his agent would call to commend him for 'the richness in texture of his texts.' Apparently, contrast was everything when it came to... well, everything.
Wowsers! Being all over the place was finally paying off.
Brad would gleefully repeat the phrase ‘texture of texts’ until just before dinner when his boyfriend Chris told him to ‘cut it out’ Full House style. Brad had just enough time to research the gesture on the internet before sitting down but couldn't decipher if it was offensive until he pushed his kale salad around the plate long enough to feel full himself. Then it just clicked.
Screw organic! These up and down horizontal stripes really made Brad feel skinny.
It was wild! The grass was yey high not an hour ago. What could have happened?
Brad and Chris’ exposure due lack of clothing was usually assumed to be unconsciously on purpose by most. Super attractive people did this sort of thing, at least according to the masses. Outside of sleeping, Brad and Chris in reality were always conscious of their generous exposure because they never bothered to cover up.
At 19 am the two were wide awake and the cutting and removal of the grass was clearly not their doing. Jose tended to Brad and Chris’ garden on Tuesdays, and it was… well, not that day of the week.
It was at that moment Brad’s smart phone went off in the distance. Not a moment after, their neighbor Luke appeared with Brad’s phone in hand. Luke informed the two he got a new pair of specs from the Binoculars Club of The Month Club in the mail. Apparently, he cut the grass as a favor for himself. It was the only time Luke was happy to see the mailman come early.
Luke pointed out that the mailman dropped packages off at Brad and Chris’s just before his ruining any chance of coming over fully loaded. The two were always rocking their morning workout on the front porch in thongs and Luke felt like he was left hanging.
To help rectify the situation, Luke thought it may be a fun idea if Brad and Chris could make their t-backs reversible. It might drop a hint for the mailman to switch up his route. Their neighbor then invited Brad and Chris’s thoughts.
It wasn’t the worst idea and not exactly the best. Brad and Chris tentatively agreed to give it a go once Brad had his phone back. It was weird how it jumped from the front porch into Luke’s hands all by itself. How they missed Luke machete his way through the side lawn, no one could fully understand either.
After a bit of back and forth Brad, had his phone and questions outnumber answers. Chris wondered if there was ever really a question to begin with. Brad couldn’t figure out how Luke got his phone to ring, and Luke forgot why he came over.
Well despite all the mystery that morning, one thing was always certain. Whenever things were off for Brad and Chris, like a bad neighbor, perv Luke was there.
And that he was.