SP FanFic: Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1 - Tumblr Posts

About my stories

Hello, my loves after a long time I'm active again.

I want to try to update my stories or rewrite them if I think it's necessary

For example, chapter 8 of Isekai'd as Chloe needs a redo and I think My War needs fewer crossovers

But I'm still planning

Stay stunned and if you haven't follow this blog since the other one is more for posting stories.

Here you can ask me anything!

Here you get all the news for the FFs!

So for now bye!

Updates: 23.05.2023

Hi, my loves!

I update my South Park story. Chapter 3 is now online and ready to read!

Also, I have been working on redoing chapter 8 of Isekai'd as Chloe. I'm just unsure what I can add since the chapter is too short for my taste.

Anyway, I will concrete for now on South Park and Isekai'd as Chloe.

For now.

It can change any day, like how I'm feeling XD

Please enjoy my crappy writing!

Till the next update!

Update 28.05.2023: Isekai'd as Chloe my headache

Hi my loves!

Here we are with a new update about my FFs.

Especially Isekai'd as Chloe.

As you follow my writing blog you have seen that I update my South Park FF three times this week. I'm in a good flow with it right now and will contine on writing it. ^^

Now we come to my second FF I wanted to concreted on: Isekai'd as Chloe.

I manage to polish the grammer and spelling of Chapter 8, but for my taste the chapter needs to be longer.

It's missing something.

But my creativy for ML is lacking.

I'm just...so disconected from it.

I really, really don't enjoy writing for it.

But I want to finesh it.

So I'm asking you.

Do you want something specif happen?

Maybe your ideas will motived me or I will use them, because alone I aren't gonna get out of that writer's blog. I will give you of course credit.

If this doesn't help either, I will put Isekai'd on Chloe on infinity haitus till on day I find it in myself to write for it again.

I needed to tell you all this.

You have the right to know that a FF you like is struggling and will probaly be on haitus for a long time.

I wish I had better news for you, but I won't lie to you.

I'm this close to just abandon/delete Isekai'd as Chloe since it makes me only sad. 😞

Anyway, wish you all a nice day/night!

Till next time! 😘

South Park Story

Hi guys, I have fallen into South Park hell again since I'm currently replaying the games and wrote my first chapter for my New Kid story, since it's South Park and really mature I only posted the link to the story to my Wattpad for it rather than posting it here on Tumblr.

I don't want any minors or people who get triggered by it to accidentally read it.

Hope you understand!

Have a nice day/night!

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 1: Quiet little mountain town

Dear Dairy,

so here we are again.

Moved after a few weeks in Seattle now to this shitty little town named South Park in buttfucking Colorado.

I already hate it here.

It’s a tiny hole, in the middle of nowhere, right at the Meridian of misery and suffering.

This town doesn’t even have a Game Stop!

How the hell I’m supposed to get new cards for my YU-GI-OH! Deck and buy new games and anime merchandise?

Back to Amazon, it seems.

Gosh, I bet these people don’t even know what cosplay is!

Why did we need to move again?

I was happy in Seattle.

I had a nice group of friends and hot Serena Matthews wanted to go on a second date with me!

And yet, poof, again, my nomadic parents had us moved.

I will never understand them.

I’m only eleven, my body started puberty and I can’t outlive it because my parents get this urge to randomly move us from here to there.

This is such bullshit!

I wanna be a pre-teen, watch anime and talk about it with friends. Play Duel Monsters and beat asses. Cosplaying and playing video games and dear heaven kiss girls, boys, or whatever!

Serena was such a good kisser!

And her red hair was so lovely!

In this hicktown, there aren’t for sure bisexual people like me. Or god forbid lesbians. I don’t think I will like the straight dudes in this town.

I’m allergic to straight.

Yuck!

Okay, jokes aside, why this little shit town?

Couldn’t we move to California, if it was so necessary to move?

I just want to again live on the ocean side.

A loud knock was heard on my door, followed by my Mamma’s voice: “Sweetie? Hon, you all dressed?”

I look up from my Dairy. I’m sitting against my bedframe, knees up, balancing my dairy on them, and writing about my woe.

I close it with my red glitter pen between the two pages I wrote for today.

“Yes, Mamma, you can come in.”, I let her know.

Not a second later both my parents enter my room.

“Hey, princess. How do you like your new room?”, ask me my Papà.

I look around the half-finished room with the still-to-open cartons. It was bigger than my room in Seattle for sure.

“It’s all right.”, I decide.

This makes my parents smile happily.

At least they are happy.

“I know it's a big change for all of us, but ... princess, do you ... REMEMBER why we moved to this quiet little mountain town?”, wants my Papà to know.

I frown and rub my head.

That’s actually a good question.

It is all sort of a blur.

I have this sometimes. That I forget things, and can’t remember them.

Don’t know why, it has always been like this.

I learned to live with it.

The most I remember from our last day in Seattle is asking beautiful Serena for a second date and she agreed. Then going with my gang to Game Stop to buy some more children’s card games and then…then I was in our car and my parents told me, that we are moving to South Park.

Yeah, that’s about it.

The rest is a black blurb.

I rub my head harder and feel a headache forming. It’s better to stop thinking about it.

“Because you got the itch to move again.”, I answer my parents with sass.

Normally I would get called out, but strangely my parents seem to be happy about it and are whispering to each other. I can’t quite grasp what they mumble to each other.

A frown forms on my face.

If this is not suspicious, I’m straight.

“Uh, sweetie, we want you to have lots of fun here.”, turns my Mamma back to me. ”Why don't you go out and make some friends?”

“Right, get outside and PLAY, princess. Like ... like normal kids.”, adds my Papà.

“Why do you have to say it like that?”, I wonder and frown deeper.

My Mamma gives Papà a little whack on the head, which makes him whine and rub the hurting spot.

“Don’t listen to your Papà, he is just being silly, right, Chris?”

“Sure, Kelly.”

“We've got some money for you on the kitchen counter, sweetie.”, informs me, Mamma. “Just ... be back before it gets dark.”

Not like I have anything better to do than to whine at my dairy. Maybe I walk will do me good. I hardly doubt I can make friends with these hicktown children.

I’m way too queer for them.

So I put my dairy on my night table and nod.

“Of course, Mamma. I love you both.”

Even if you drag me around all of America.

“Yeah, we love you too.”, say’s Papà for both of them and they leave my room with small smiles on their faces.

I put my hands in the pocket of my pink hoodie and sign.

Well, let’s go, shall we?

I sigh loudly and watch how my breath turns white in front of me.

I’m not fucking Elsa and the cold fucking bothers me anytime!

My parents know I love warm places more, but no we had to move to this snowy hicktown.

I hate everything.

I’m glad I put my black jacket over my hoodie and gripped a pink wool hat before I got out of the house.

Dear Ra, how can people survive in this climate?

I walk down the little path to the sidewalk and for the first time today, something interesting happens.

On my left side, a little barricade is up, with a red flag, and written on it is No Humans.

Well, that IS unexpected.

What could this mean?

I decide to go right, maybe I will find some clue about what that is about.

That is when I see two little fourth-graders, one dressed as an elf and the other in a long blue robe, fighting against each other.

These little dudes seem to give their all.

“You shall die by my Warhammer, Drow Elf!”, yells the blond-haired boy.

“Nuh-uh!”, disagrees the Drow Elf.

“I banish thee to the forest realm!”

“No way, I banished you first! AHA! You can't hold out much longer!”

“Help! Somebody!! I can't hold out much longer!! Heeeeelp!”

This is all very interesting I decide and has surely to do with the sign I saw. Are they LARPing, perhaps?

Anyway, this hicktown turned exciting from 0 to a solid 8.

I must know what this is about.

But for that, I should help the little blond dude.

So I grip the Drow Elf by his clothes and tear him away from the blond boy.

“Hey, no fair. That's cheating. I'm gonna tell my mom.”, whines the Drow Elf and runs away.

Probably to his mom.

The little blond-haired boy smiles up at me, I’m at least a head taller than him, and says: “Thanks, kid. I didn't realize he had a health potion. My- my name is Butters the Merciful. I'm a paladin. I live right next door to you. We should be friends!”

LARPing, called it!

I can live with that!

“It’s whatever.”, I wave Butters off. What kind of name is this anyway? Weird. “And sure let’s be friends.”

This makes the little dude happy and I get a new Facebook friend. Why this always happens when I meet new people I haven’t the faintest idea.

It’s one of a weird me things that I don’t get.

“Now that we're friends, you should speak with the Wizard King! He's been talking about your arrival. The Wizard lives this way. In the green house, over there.”

“Sure, why not?”

Not like I have anything better to do and I like LARPing. It is really fun.

So I follow Butter, while he asks me questions.

“Hey, where are you from?”

“Was born in Washington D.C., but never really lived there.”

“Where'd you live before moving here?”

“Seattle.”

“Do you like Colorado?”

“To snowy for my taste.”

“Why are you wearing your hair like that?”

“I like bob-cuts. Long hair takes way too much time to groom it.”

“You don't talk much, do ya?”

“Meh.”

“That's ok, I can talk for both of us!”

You surely do Butters. The little fourth grader is amusing. Really happy-go-lucky it seems.

We reach the green-colored house and my new friend knocks. A little fat kid who tries his hardest to be a wizard opens the door.

With my super detective skills, I detect that this must be the Wizard King. Yet, Butter screams it to the heavens.

At least they seem dedicated to their LARPing.

“So, you are the New Kid.”, guesses the Wizard King right. “Your coming was foretold by Coldwell Banker. I am the Wizard King. But the time for talk is not nigh. Let me show you my kingdom.”

“All right.”, I just say and follow the two smaller boys into the house.

“Ohh, who's your new friend, Eric?”, asks a brunette woman the Wizard King.

“Shut up, mom, not now.”

The Wizard King or Eric seems to be kind of a dick. I would never talk to my parents like that.

“Hello, ma’am, nice to meet you.”, I greet her with my best smile.

She can’t even answer as Eric tells me that she isn’t part of the game and I shouldn’t talk to her.

Wow, rude much?

He is a dick.

Still, I follow him and Butter to his backyard. I’m way too curious about what’s there.

“Welcome ... to the Kingdom of Kupa Keep!”, presents me, Eric, his backyard.

I must say, you see that the kids tried to make their best what they had and it’s kinda okay. Can’t expect a masterpiece from 10 years old.

So I simply say: “Nice, dude.”

The answer pleases Eric and he gives me a tour. First, he leads me to the Armory where a brunette boy with a silver helmet stands.

“Our weapon shop here is tended by Clyde, a level 14 warrior.”, tells me, Eric.

I give Clyde a wave and we move to the stables.

“Here you can see our massive stables, overseen by the level 9 ranger Scott Malkinson, who has the power of diabetes.”

What kind of power is diabetes?

From what I know it is a really huge hassle.

I nod to Scott and follow Eric to…Princess Zelda?

The person now before me wears a costume and a blond wig which reminds me a lot of her.

Is Link somewhere too?

Princess Zelda rip-off twirls one of her fake blond locks around her finger and gives a soft giggle.

She pats her eyelashes at me.

I have a feeling she is flirting with me…well she has really beautiful blue eyes from what can I see since her face is covered mostly by her orange parker.

 “And here, of course, is the breathtaking and lovely Princess Kenny. The fairest maiden in all the kingdom.”, presents Eric her. “Don't ask why Kenny wanted to be a chick, it's just how he seems to be rolling right now.”

Ah, so the princess is actually a boy!

So either he/she is genderfluid or attracted to more than one gender or both since she is clearly hitting on me.

I’m damn happy that there is at least one queer kid in this town!

So nothing bad with flirting back.

I give her a wick and she giggles more behind her hand.

Nailed it.

I decide to talk to her.

“Hey beautiful, how it’s going?”, I ask her and path my own eyelashes.

Again she giggles cutely and…she wishes for a flower? Her speech is so muffled thanks to the parker that I only understood a part.

Where do I get a flower now?

I look around the kingdom and see a daffodil. That we will do!

Quickly I pick it up and present her the flower with a bow.

She gasps happily, taking it.

“A daffodil for me?? Teeheehee, you shouldn't have.”

“Its beauty is nothing against yours, your highness.”, I flirt, which makes her wave her hand before her face and I can see that she is turning red.

Still got it.

“Hey New Kid are you done now? We got shit to do.”, calls the Wizard King for my attention.

I send the princess a kiss and join up with him and Butters.

“You have been sought out, New Kid, because humans everywhere are in great danger. I need something from you and, in return, I am prepared to allow you into my kingdom. I know you are very excited. It's time for your first quest, but first - please tell us thy name.”

“I’m Novella-Karin Campo. But people mostly call me N.K.”, I introduce myself.

Both Eric and Butters stare at me. What’s up with that look?

“That’s a really-“

Butters can’t even finish his sentence, as Eric starts to laugh like a manic holding his chubby belly.

“Hahahaha, that’s the douche’s name I ever heard for a dude! Hahaha, New Kid, your parents must fucking hate you. Hahaha!”

…Did he just call me a dude?!

Oh jeez, not again!

People sometimes mistake me for a boy, I don’t know why.

I clearly look like a girl, even if I have a bob cut!

For Ra Sake, I already need to wear a bra! And both my ears are pierced!

Why is this happening again?

I open my mouth to tell chubby that I’m female and identify as one, as I see how Butters shakes his head and makes Aport-the-mission signs.

Clearly, I shouldn’t correct Eric.

Oh, I have a feeling, and also thanks to Butters, that Eric doesn’t let girls play with them.

But I wanna play with them.

So I have to pretend to be a boy.

Oh well, if Kenny a boy can be Princess Zelda, then I a girl can be Link. I still have somewhere my old Link cosplay from last year’s Comic-Con.

It’s not tragic.

Eric finally calms down from his laughing and grins wicked.

I don’t like this face.

“You know what N.K., since you already have a douche name I think it’s fitting for you to be called…Douchebag!”

Asshole.

I grit my teeth and fight against the urge to punch this fuckers face in.

What one endures, just to not die of boredom!

“You will now choose a class: Fighter, Mage, Thief, or Jew.”

“Jew?”, I repeated confused.

How can be Jew a class in a LARPing, isn’t it more a religion?

“Jew, huh? So I guess we'll never really be friends.”

“No, I was just surprised to hear that!”, I tell him. “I take the mage.”

“Then we welcome to our kingdom Douchebag the Mage!”, proclaims Eric.

Butters cheers for me, meanwhile I plan how I can take revenge on Eric for dubbing me Douchebag. If I ever get the chance to kick his ass, I will take it, whatever I have to do!

Butters hands me the Mage gear and I decide that I definitely will go home and put one of my cosplays on.

I have a beautiful Dark Magician Girl Cosplay, sadly I think I should probably go with Link for the time being.

So long till I get what beef Eric has with girls and how I can make myself so valuable in this game that he doesn’t kick me out from it.

It is quite clear that Eric calls the shots here.

Just my luck.

Now he wants from me that I get a weapon, so I walk over to Clyde.

“Would you like to see my wares, weary traveler?”, ask me the brunette boy. “Perhaps you would like to hear tips and rumors for two dollars?”

I have a feeling that this is a scam, so I just ask him to show me his weapons.

Sadly it seems I can only buy the twig since the weapons have levels and my level is apparently too low.

I give the kids this, they are really creative.

With my new weapon, I return to Eric. Time to learn how to fight!

Next

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 2: One Stick: Lost, Three Warriors: Find

The next minutes of my life I seriously wonder what is going on.

Believe me, moving around the whole country, you get to see really freaky shit, but whatever is going on in South Park breaks the record.

Eric, whom I learn his surname is Cartman, what’s me to beat up Clyde, and the beating up Clyde turns into a round-based video game alla Final Fantasy!

Do you think I’m kidding?

No, I swerve it’s true.

I don’t know how it works, but it works really like that!

If I can summon something in the near future it’s officially a Final Fantasy rip-off!

Anyway, I know the drill and kick Clyde’s ass.

I had to keep from laughing when I needed to learn to “protect my balls” since I don’t need it technically.

But the one who is laughing right now is Cartman.

“HAHA, HAHAHA! Dude that was awesome! You were all like BRAMMGMG! And Clyde was all like "aaghghg, noo"! Hahahaha! Okay, okay. You've proved yourself worthy, Douchebag. Now, come inside the war tent and I shall let you see the relic.”

With that said fatass does it and I turn to Clyde, rubbing my neck, feeling bad.

“Sorry, dude, for that.”, I apologize for the beating I gave him.

He huffs a “Whatever.” and goes back to his station.

A little whine left my lips.

Okay, I need to do damage control there, for sure. But since I don’t know Clyde that well, I will leave him alone for now and try again later.

So I enter the tent, to stand beside Cartman.

I wonder what kind of relic we are talking here about and what it can do.

“Well, here it is.”, beginns Cartman. “The reason why humans and elves are locked in a never-ending war. The relic for which humans and elf are willing to die... The Stick of Truth.”

It’s just a normal twig on a pillow, a lamp shining down on it!

I admit I’m disappointed.

They couldn’t, I don’t know, put some glitter or fake rhinestones on it? I mean, be creative, dude! What is this sad-looking thing?

Since Cartman can’t hear my thoughts, he just continues to monologue: “Just two days ago, we took the Stick back from the elves. Our kingdom was dying, but now it thrives. For whoever controls the Stick, controls the universe.”

If this thing controls the universe it sure looks shitty. That is the ugliest relic, I ever saw in my entire life!

Like it is really all so powerful Cartman closes his eyes and nearly cowers before it.

At least he is really involved.

“Don't gaze at it too long!”, he warns me. “For its power is too much for mere mortals to look at!”

Yeah, I could poke my eye out with it! If it would be a giant rock, I would be more impressed.

I’m sad I can’t make that reference.

“Now that you have seen the Stick of Truth, let's discuss your dues.”, says Cartman.

“Dues?”, I repeated with a raised eyebrow.

What, does he want me to pay him so I can participate in the game?

Apparently yes, before I can tell him that I won’t give him any of my pocket money we hear Butters screaming: “ALARM! ALARM! ALARM!”

“Someone has sounded the alarm!”, yells Cartman.

“Yeah, Butters.”, I deadpan.

It was clearly his voice.

Butters enter the tent hectic and jumping up and down.

“Alarm alarm alarm!!”

“What is it?!”, demands Cartman to know.

“The elves are attacking!”

“Oh my GOD! Defensive positions!”

With that Cartman runs back out. I blink for a second before I decide I should follow. That’s clearly part of the game and I indent to play it.

“Man the gate! Don't let them through!”, yells Cartman.

Yep, there is an Elf army right in front of us led by a blond-haired one. Things are about to get interesting. I can feel it.

“Give us the Stick, humans!”, demands blondie.

“Fuck you, drow elf!”, growls our Wizard King. “Come and get it! CLYDE! Guard the Stick of Truth while we defend the fortress!!”

“Aye, aye!”, responds Clyde.

“"Aye, aye"? We're not playing PIRATES, Clyde!”

Oh, that would be a cool game too. I would want to be Anne Bonnie!

“Douchebag!”, turns chubby at me. “This is your chance to prove yourself. Hold off the asshole elves at all costs!!”

I salute.

“As you wish my lord!”, I can’t help but get into character.

Cartman is a fat fuck, nonetheless, I will give my all. With a battle cry, worthy of an amazone, I run into the fry of battling humans and elves and fight whowever comes before me.

Again it’s like I’m in fricking Final Fantasy and a learn some new game machines.

The fucking asshole who hit the poor kitty cat got an extra hard beating, no one fucks with cats when I’m around. I love cats, they are my favorite animal. I want a cat, but because we move so much my parents don’t allow it.

In the end, I beat all this bitch ass bitches in their bitch ass faces.

“Drow elves! Fall back! Fall back I say!”, cries blondie leader elf and all of these little bitches get out of the backyard.

“And don’t come back!”, I yell after them, waving my wand around.

Oh yeah, that was so much fun! I could do this the whole day.

Princess Kenny claps for me and then swoons hard as I send her a kiss. Gosh, she has such a cute giggle!

Even Cartman is in celebration mode.

“YES! Awesome, dude! TAKE THAT YOU ASSHOLE ELVES! Better luck next time!”

He then starts to do a little dance and sing: “NA NA NA NAAA NA! We still control the universe! HA HA HA HA HAAA HA!”

Suddenly Clyde appears.

He says just two words, yet it seems the world stands still.

“It's gone.”

I swerve, I hear a record scratch.

“What?”, ask Wizard Fatass.

“The Stick of Truth. The elves got it.”

Oh, that is bad. That is really, really bad.

For Clyde.

I don’t think Cartman will like that.

And I’m right as Cartman yells in Clyde’s face: “THAT WAS YOUR ONE GOD-DAMNED JOB CLYDE! TO GUARD THE STICK OF FUCKING TRUTH! Clyde... you are hereby BANISHED from space and time!”

You hear how practically anyone whines at this. I stand beside Princess Kenny and whisper: “What means that?”

She goes on her tippy-toes to answer in my ear: “It means practically he can’t play anymore with us. And we all have to ignore him.”

I twitch at this.

Damn, that’s hard.

I sure hope I don’t get punished when the truth comes out that I’m a girl. I would feel so sad when nobody wanted to play and talk to me anymore.

“What?! No! You can't do that!”, argues Clyde back.

I don’t think that helps against the fatass.

“Yeah, I can! You're banished, and lost in time and space!”

“Yeah! Go home, Clyde!”, adds our paladin, as Clyde angrily walks away.

There goes my chance to clear things with him.

Awesome.

I just should have done it and not waited around.

I hope it won’t bite me in the ass.

“You fought bravely on the battlefield, Douchebag.”, turns Cartman to me.

I salute again.

“It was nothing my lord, just did my duty to the kingdom.”

“Yeah, this new kid may be a douchebag but he sure can fight!”

I gave Scott for that remark the evil eye and he seems to flatter under it.

Not only here is another one who can’t tell I’m a girl, but he also just straight-up insults me, even though I saved his diabetic ass.

Next time, he can straight-up die.

“Shut up, Scott, nobody cares what you think.”. tells him Cartman and I can’t believe I agree with him. It feels…strange. “Anyways, we have a bigger problem now! The Stick of Truth has been stolen, and we must assemble our ENTIRE army in order to get it back.”

“But our three best warriors still haven't reported for duty, my King!”, reminds him Butters.

“Our newest member can take care of that.”

“What?”

Did I hear right?

Cartman grips me by the arm and leads me a little away from the others.

“Douchebag, I want you to go out into the neighborhood and find my greatest warriors: Token, Tweek, and Craig.”, he says.

Seems like this is my first quest.

Just one problem…

“As you wish my lord, but I don’t know them.”

“That’s no problem, I am texting their pictures to your personal inventory device now.”

Cartman gets his phone out a sends to my phone three pictures. One of a black boy, one blond kid, and another has a resting I-don’t-give-a-fuck-Face.

….Where the heck, did Cartman get my number from? I sure didn’t give it to him…

“But beware. The lands outside are full of marauding drow elves, monsters, and sixth graders.”, warns Cartman. “Be sure you are well equipped. Now go! And send my warriors here! Butters, go with him.”

“Of course!”, says the paladin happy and standing beside me.

I salute, Butters follows my lead.

“You can count on us, my lord!”

This pleases Cartman greatly and he enters the war tent.

I search for a map of South Park on my phone to show it to Butters.

“So noble paladin, where should we first go?”, I ask him.

He gives a little hum, till he points to a blue house, a neighborhood away.

“Let’s get Craig first. His house is the closest.”

“I will trust your judgment.”

Butters gives me a brilliant smile. I ask him to give me a minute and walk up to Princess Kenny.

I bow before her.

“I must go to fulfill my quest, my lady. Be sure that I will think of your beautiful being should I find myself in great despair.”, I flirt.

The princess swoons hard and mumbles something about, what a brave and noble knight I am and that she will pray for my safe return.

I give her a smile and take her gloved hand in mine. I give it a little kiss, which makes her happily squeal. I have a feeling she is smiling brightly under her parker.

With that, I give her one last bow and join Butters.

Let’s find these three warriors!

“So…you know I am a girl.”, I say to Butters, as we make our way to Craig’s house.

It’s not a question. I know that he knows since he signaled behind Cartman’s back to me to keep my real gender secrete.

The younger boy rubs nervous his neck.

“Yeah…”

“And you are okay with it? Why did you help me?”, I wonder.

“Oh well.”, starts he nervously playing now with his fingers. “You are a fifth grader, right?”

I nod.

“I just thought…if an older girl helps me against an elf, doesn’t make fun of us, and wants to play…who I am to not let her? You are already different from the girls around here.”

I let that sink in.

Butters is a good boy, I decide.

But I don’t like what he implies about the girls of this town.

“How are the girls here in South Park?”, I want to know.

“Oh you know…really girly. The girls in my grade, don’t like to play games with us boys and the older girls seem only to think about giving boys B.J., whatever that is.”

…What?!

I hold Butters’s shoulder, so he stops walking. He blinks up at me with big blue eyes. His eyes are a shade lighter then Princess Kenny, I note. It reminds me of a little puppy.

Aww, cutie pie.

“So you are saying the fourth-grade girls are your typical girly girls and the girls in my grade already give B.J. and I’m happy you don’t know what that is. You are way too young to know about that.”, I state.

“Oh, you know what that is?”

Now I’m the one who rubs her neck.

“I’m a bit to couriers, you could say. Whatever. Also, all girls are here probably straight, fantastic.”, I sign sadly.

That get me wrong, I will continue pursuing Princess Kenny…I just thought I could get my game on to with some pretty girls here.

Stupid backward hicktown.

I fucking knew it!

“You seem disappointed, why?”, asks me Butters innocent.

“I’m bi, I’m attracted to more than one gender. I was actually dating a girl before I moved here.”, I tell him nonchalantly.

I don’t care if I will get judged here. I’m who I’m and I will not feel ashamed of that. My parents fully support me and went even to the last Pride Parade with me.

So fuck anybody else!

Butters just stares at me, I raise an eyebrow, till he gives me a little smile.

“Oh, that’s neato. You are so brave! What was your girlfriend like?”

Aww, it’s official, Butters is a sweetheart. The little dude has a good chance of becoming a little brother to me.

Smiling I ruffle his hair and tell him about Serena. He listens attentively and asks questions.

After I show him a picture of her, he agrees that she is a really beautiful girl.

Meanwhile, we go into my house, where I decide to put my Link Cosplay on. Butters, of course, waits for me outside my room and then we make our way to Craig’s house.

I’m quite happy it still fits me and hope our Princess will swoon hard when she sees me.

We kick some elf asses also because it seems these little bitches are everywhere.

But they are nothing against Paladin Butters and Mage N.K.!

Soon we are there.

I check if Butters and I still look presentable, which makes him giggle as I straight up his robes before I knock at Craig’s door.

An older gentleman with balding red hair opens.

“Yes?”

“Hello, sir, is Craig home? We want to ask him to play with us.”, I ask smiling.

“Ya lookin' for Craig? Well, he can't play. He's in detention. Something about flippin' off the principal.”

And with that Craig’s dad closes the door before my nose.

I blink and then I frown.

Wow, rude much?!

“We better get to the other guys first!”, means Butters.

“I agree. Who is the nearest one?”

“That would be Token.”

“Then let’s go, Butters.”

South Park is a small town, yet it feels like we are walking for hours. We did find some Sir Timothy station, which is a traveling service of a handicapped child in a wheelchair with a red wagon. Butters explains to me that Timmy lets travel anyone in his wagon if you call for him, even for free, which is really nice.

Anyway, we are still not quite there where Token lives, so me and Butters talk.

“Is Butters your real name or a nickname?”, I want to know.

I’m asking that myself since I met him.

“Oh, it’s a nickname. My real name is Leopold.”

…How the fuck do you get Butters out of Leopold? Wouldn’t Leo be a better nickname? And a more logical one?

I turn my head to him and raise an eyebrow.

“Do you like Butters?”

“Oh, well it has been my nickname since I can remember.”

“I didn’t ask you that, I asked if you like it.”

My little fourth-grade buddy bites his lip. He doesn’t seem to know how to answer.

Someone fucked him up good and I decide from that moment on that he is now mine to protect and cherish.

So I lay a hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile.

“If it’s okay with you, I will call you Leo from now on. Do you know Leo comes from Latin and means lion? It fits you better.”

He gives me such a wide-eyed, teary, look that I practically melt and hug him sideways.

Leo squeaks a bit and turns red.

“And tell you what, from now on I’m your big sister and when someone is mean to you, you tell me and I beat the shit out of them, okay?”, I add, ruffling his hair.

The boy gives me a tiny, fragile smile and nods his head.

“Okay…big sister.”

This makes me smile brightly.

“Atta boy!”

After our heartful moment, we finally reach where Token lives. He lives in a guarded community named Dark Meadows.

…How rich is this kid?

Can he screw the rules, with the money he has?

Anyway, that’s not important right now. A security guard with a clipboard stands beside the entrance.

Bet we have to ask him to enter.

Let’s do this!

“Good day, sir.”, I call to him and wave friendly. “We would like to enter to get to our friend Token. Can we please enter?”

The guard just gives me a sideways look.

“This is a gated community, sir. We do not allow in the riffraff. Move along sir.”

Since I look like Link, I’m not pissed that the security guard can’t see I’m a girl, but I take offense in calling us riffraff!

“Sir, we assure you we aren’t-“

I can’t even finish my sentence as this motherfucker takes out a pepper spray and gives me a full dose of it!

For the first time in my life, I’m glad I need glasses, so my eyes don’t get attacked that easily, still it freacking burns and hurts and I throw up in the snow!

“If you try again, I will pepper spray you back to the Stone Age.”

“N.K.!”, yells Leo and helps me up.

He leads me away from the security guard. We wash my eyes out with some water bottles we have on us.

“This shit-eating, motherfucking, pigheaded, dickless piece of white trash!”, I curse, while Leo pats me on the back to heal me up more. “I will so kick him into the Kuribohs when we next see him.”

“He will just pepper spray you again.”, reminds me, Leo, gently. “We need a way around it.”

“Any ideas?”

Seems like the universe wants to help us since a new post is on Facebook that might have the answer.

Eric Cartman: HAHAHAHA Dude someone just posted a video of you getting pepper sprayed! Hold on I gotta watch that again. AHAHAHAHA it's even better when you know what's coming!

Jimbo Kern: Jimbo's Guns carries a selection of gas masks that render pepper spray totally useless as a self-defense. Come visit.

First, Cartman go hump a stump!

And second, this Jimbo’s Guns is what I need right now!

I chuckle wickedly, imagining my sweet revenge on the security guard. Leo looks at me worried.

“Let’s go, Leo!”, I tell him. “We have a shop to visit!”

Next

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 3: First Summon, Gas-Mask, and Drug Dealers, oh my!

You guys 'member when in the last chapter I said how this game would be a full Final Fantasy rip-off if I can summon in the future something?

Well, guess what happened?

At first, me and Leo just enter City Wok, because I got the munchies and wanted to check out the noodle soups of this place.

Somehow we got robbed into beating up a lot of little Mongolian kids in the Tower of Peace since the parents of them have conquered Mr. Kim, the owner of City Wok, the week before.

Then we had to beat up the parents.

I admit I felt kind of like Mulan doing this.

Also, I got a new kickass bow.

Yet, how in the name of Isis, is the whole city involved in the whole LARPing these kids here do?

Anyway, for beating up all the Mongolians, Mr. Kim not only became my Facebook friend, but he also gave me a little Gong so I can call him to beat up my enemies.

Besides bosses.

Since they are too tough.

Again, I ask how this works?

I think I have just to try it, then I will see.

South Park is the weirdest town I ever lived and I have a feeling I haven’t even seen the weirdest shit yet!

After this little adventure, we finally reach Jimbo’s Gun. Behind the counter is a tall chubby man in hunter gear and a shorter guy with sunglasses, who only has one arm.

These two make just only for the looks an interesting duo.

“Well hello there Jimbo and Ned!”, greets Leo cheerfully.

I give them a nod.

“Afternoon gentlemen.”

“Well! What brings you here today? Business or pleasure? Or vengeance?”, ask the chubby guy, which Leo whispers is Jimbo.

“Sweet, sweet vengeance!”, I answer with a maniac chuckle, which only seems to disturb Leo.

Jimbo and Ned just grin.

“You've come to the right place.”, tells me Ned, speaking into a voice box.

He sounds like a robot!

If he had the voice of the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future I would have been sooooo happy. Then again I’m not currently playing a children’s card game and trying to attack someone with Obelisk the Tormenter.

Torment.

“Howdy there!”, Jimbo’s voice shakes me of my thought. “Haven't seen you before. You must be the new kid that moved to town - and you're into huntin', huh?! Well, my boy, you've come to the right place!”

Again, I’m currently Link, but again someone doesn’t see I’m not a boy. Or my cosplay is more than amazing, or there is something in the water that makes the people here stupid.

Well nearly everyone.

I try to correct Jimbo, but against his talking like a raging river, I can’t get a word out.

I only get that he has something against Democrats, wants to sell me a book about hunting here in South Park and oh, he can sell some weapons to me.

At this, my eyes check the counter before us and I see it.

A beautiful katana.

Oh hell yeah, time to get my Demon Slayer game on!

“I want a gas mask, this beautiful Katana, and sure give me this hunting book.”, I tell Jimbo.

“Oh, sure New Kid, but your level is too low for the Katana.”

…What?

“It’s so unfair!”, I cry at Leo, waving the gas mask around.

“We will get the Katana later for you N.K., you just have to level up a bit.”, he reassures me.

We are on our way back to the Security Guard and I can’t even enjoy that I will be ready for this motherfucker because Jimbo and Ned are part of the whole shikt with levels for weapons like us kids.

I want the Katana now!

Not when this whole game is nearly over!

I need to come up with a plan to get it!

Mmh, maybe I can buy it normally if I go to the shop with my normal clothes on…?

Sadly I can’t try it right now, since it’s time to kick someone in the Kuribohs.

I pull the gas mask on my face and command practically: “Leo, you let me handle this. This asshole will feel all of my burning rage!”

“O-Okay.”

So I stalk over to the Security Guard and call: “Hey, pigheaded, dickless, lurd of tard, I’m back!”

He doesn’t waste time to pepper spray again, but this time nothing happens.

I see the fear in his eyes and it is delicious like chocolate.

“What the fuck? Oh NO!”

“OH YES!”

I don’t wait that we get transported to the battleground ala Final Fantasy. I make my promise come true and kick him with all my might in the Kuribos!

Aka. his balls.

He falls down, clutching his jewels, whimpering pathetically.

“Move... along.”

“Never test me again bitch!”

Satisfied at his cowering, I take off the gas mask and smile brightly at Leo.

“Let’s go, little bro.”

Leo looks sympathetic at the Security Guard before he rejoins my side.

“Y-You are really scary big sis.”, mumbles Leo at me, while I ring the doorbell of Token’s home.

“It’s part of my charm.”, I jest.

Well, a bit.

Security Guard had it coming.

The door opens and a black kid opens the door.

…Don’t tell me his name is a goddamn pun-!

“Yeah?”

“Oh yes, hello I’m N.K., you must be Token.”, I say and hand him Cartman’s letter. “I’m the new mage of Kupa Keep and Lord Fatass wants me to fetch all his warriors since the elven took the Stick of Truth.”

“Nice to meet you N.K. I’m surprised that Cartman lets a girl play with us.”

At this Leo and I wince. It’s nice to see there is another person who has eyes in his head, but…

“His chubbiness thinks I’m a dude, so can you…”

“Of course. Hang on a second.”

Token closes for a second the door and after opening it again he is in his Kupa Keep get-up. Wow, he dresses fast!

“Thank you for thy message, traveler! Your secret is safe with me. I shall make haste to Kupa Keep!”, he announces, then turns to his right and calls: ”Mom! Can you drive me to Eric's house?”

And closes again the door.

I shrug my shoulders and mentally strike him from my list.

One warrior recruited, two more to go.

The next warrior recruit (who gets the reference gets a cookie) is a boy named Tweek Tweak, since we can’t simply just go and grab Craig from school and I ask Leo if he is messing with me about his name.

Who names their kid like that?

And why?

Were they on drugs? (No pun indeed)

With any hour passing South Park gets weirder.

Leo assures me that it’s really his name and with a sign I follow him to Tweak Bro. Cafe. A cafe owned by Tweeks family if you didn’t get it. But I’m sure we all here are smarter than Cartman by a mile.

We pass the cinema and I stop Leo by grasping his arm.

“Oh look! They play Asses on Fire 2!”, I squeal happy. “Did you watch the first one?”

“Yeah, I did. You like Terrance and Phillip, big sis?”

As an answer, I start to sing the well known song from the first movie: “Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka! You're a cock-sucking, ass-licking uncle fucka! You're an uncle fucka, yes it's true! Nobody fucks uncles quite like you!”

Leo laughs happily and joins me.

“Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka! You're the one that fucked your uncle, uncle fucka! You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn, You just fuck your uncle all day long!”

“Suck my balls!”, I end the song happy giggling.

“Oh I wish we could watch it now.”, confesses Leo. “I bet it’s better than the first.”

“Well, I was planning to watch it with my parents. I’m sure you can tag along when we go!”

My little brother lights up like a Christmas Tree.

“Really?”

“I promise!”

I wrap my arm around his shoulder giving him so side-way hug. We continue our way to Tweek Bros Cafe.

“Psst. Pssst, hey. Over here.”

I ignore this weird older dude hiding behind a tree between the cinema and the cafe, I got no time for this shit and enter with Leo the cafe.

The cafe is cute, but the smell of the coffee is a bit strange.

I can’t put my finger on it.

My parents and I are avid coffee drinkers, so I’m familiar with its smell, so this strange smell, makes me frown.

And yes I know I’m 11 I shouldn’t already drink coffee, leave me alone! I need my coffee or I don’t function.

I wanted to get a cup, but this smell turned me away. That doesn’t stop me from going up to the counter to ask for Tweek.

The older gentleman greets me in a calming soothing voice which throws me off a bit.

“Welcome to Tweek Coffee. Coffee made with ingredients supplied by local organic suppliers. It's local coffee. Brewed locally.”

I swore I hear soft background music.

Are we in a commercial?

I blink rapidly to get my bearings back.

“Erm, hello sir, is Tweek here? We want to ask him to play with us.”

“Hello there.”, Mr. Tweak greets me. “If you're looking for Tweek, he's in the back room, unattended. Unattended, like a pristine meadow known only to the wild horses that graze there. Would you like to try some coffee? It's fresh, like a sun-dappled cornfield ready for harvest.”

“Eh no thanks, another time…”

I nearly drag Leo to the backroom to get away from this coffee dealer. It’s just soooooo weird.

In the backroom we find who must be Tweek, wearing a little apron and with a broom cleaning the room.

“AHGHGHGH! How am I supposed to do all this?! There's no way, man! Starbucks has like eight employees! Here it's just me!! GAHGHGH!!”, he talks frantically to himself, twitching here and there.

Oh dear, what is his problem?

I get my answer when I see him chuck down a whole cup of coffee like some Tequilla shot.

He didn’t even blink.

I don’t know if I should give him kudos or be scarred for life.

“Hello, Tweek?”, I call out to him.

The poor boy lets out a shrill shriek.

Ups.

“AHGHGHGH! Who are you?!”

“Sorry didn’t mean to startle you.”, I talk to him in my most calm and reassuring voice. “I’m N.K., new in town and also the new Mage of Kupa Keep. Lord Tub of Lard calls all his warriors to the castle to reclaim the Stick of Truth from the elves.”

He doesn’t stop twitching, even after I had him Cartman’s letter.

“NOW?!?! The guys need me now?! Oh, there's no way man! I have WAY too much to do! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ALL THIS?!”, he screams in my face, shaking me by my shoulders.

“Wowowow, calm down, Tweek. Can Leo and I help you somehow? Maybe we could help you clean.”, I suggested, taking his hands from my shoulders and caressing them gently to help calm him down.

It seems to work since Tweek takes a deep breath to get his thoughts under control.

Well mostly.

He is still twitching and shaking.

“You could go get the four o'clock delivery for me?!”, he asks.” If you do I can finish here and then - and then I'll still have time to play! PLEASE!”

Me and Leo look at each other and he nods.

“Sure thing Tweek. Where is the delivery?”

“It's at Kenny's house - like always! Y-you give them THIS - They'll give you the delivery!”

He gives me a piece of paper.

“PLEASE! Would you?!”

“Consider it done.”

With that Leo and I leave the backroom.

I can’t even describe what I’m feeling when I see where sweet, sweet Princess Kenny lives.

I feel sad and angry on her behalf.

No one should live in a dump like that.

“The princess family doesn’t have much money, huh?”, I mumble, kicking an empty beer bottle away.

Leo hears me anyway.

“Kenny and his family were always poor. He is actually the poorest kid in school.”, he explains to me.

“This sucks.”

“Agree, but don’t pity him, Kenny hates that.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

Still…it hurts me to see this sad excuse of a house and think how cold and dirty it has to be in there.

I wish I could help somehow…

Since we came here on a mission, I ignore my desire to help Kenny and his family somehow and knock on the front door, which probably saw better days. It feels like the door is going to crack under my knocks.

The door opens and a red-haired woman with a green I’m with stupid T-Shirt stands before us.

That’s for sure Kenny’s mom.

She has the same pretty blue eyes as her child, just they seem tired and lifeless. Looking at her, I bet she was once a beautiful young girl, but whatever happened to her made her now look older and defeated.

“What?”, she croaks at us.

“Hello, ma’am.”, I addressed her and hand her the letter Tweek gave me. “We are here to pick up the delivery for Tweek Bro.”

“Oh, this isn't for me. This is for the nice people who are renting the guest house out in the back.”, she explains to me, handing me back the letter and a key to this guest house.

“Thanks for your help ma’am.”

“You are a nice girl, goodbye.”

I admit it makes me feel giddy that Kenny’s mom seems to like me and even can tell I’m a girl. These are some brownie points for her.

Me and Leo make our way to the guesthouse, which is actually a garage, and…yep we are in a junkie hideout.

Awesome, just awesome.

I’m not touching anything in here.

I don’t want to get tetanus or hepatitis or some shit.

“Yeah, yeah. We got the package for Tweek Coffee. You got the envelope?”, say’s one of the three junkies to us.

They are two males and a female.

I swore, I formally feel the drugs and sickness coming from them.

“Uh, these witch doctors must be cooking up a secret potion. I wonder if it's a healing potion...”, voice Leo his thought and I can just stare at him.

Didn’t he get what this person actually are?

How innocent is he?

“Stay close and don’t touch anything.”, I whisper to him before I turn to one of the junkies and hand him the letter. “Here.”

No time for pleasantries, I want to get out of here, before I catch something nasty.

“Hey... that's not the usual kid that picks up the package.”

“Huh? Oh shit. It's a COP!!”

Uh-oh!

Our little adventure in the garage ends with beating up the three junkies and then getting the Tweek Bro delivery ourselves.

Once we are out of the garage, I search in my little backpack for the hand sanitizer I know I have and wash myself and Leo with it as well as I can.

“Nasty, nasty, nasty!”, I shudder. “I don’t want to get any sickness that will eat my brain!”

“Big sis you are rubbing the hand sanitizer in my face! It hurts.”

“It’s for your own good, little bro!”

After what feels like an eternity I’m satisfied and stop cleaning us.

Leo’s face may be red as a lobster now, but he will be thankful later for it.

With that, I drag him back to Tweek Bro Cafe. We hand over the delivery to Tweek, who gives it to his father and Mr. Tweak dumbs it into the coffee.

Yep, I’m never gonna drink that. Now I know why it’s smells so funny, it has drugs in it.

At least Tweek gets permission to play with us.

That makes now two warriors recruited.

We could hand it back now to Kupa Keep but I ask Leo if we can explore the town for a bit.

I mean, the Stick is not going anywhere.

Also, our third warrior recruit is still in detention.

We have some time.

My little brother is okay with that and we start our exploring.

Time to get familiar with my new hometown.

Next

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 4: Quests, quests everywhere!

I regret telling Leo to explore the town.

Somehow we get robbed into doing a lot of shit for a lot of people.

I don’t know why I can’t seem to just say no, but Leo means doing these “Quests” for the people of South Park will help in our RPG.

Well, it’s true if I finish a quest for someone I get a new Facebook friend, which in turn, if I have a certain amount, I can get a new Power Up like my PP gets higher and sometimes a new weapon, but I also can just speak to people and get so a Facebook friend.

Like it goes mostly in my life.

Never know and probably I will never know how I manage that. It was always like this. I collected followers like some people collect Steves for their evil plans.

Anyway will doing this shit tone of quests a meet a lot of…well interesting people.

That guy who hides behind a tree at the cinema is Al Gore, an ex-vice president of the United States, who likes to say cereal and is obsessed with something called ManBearPig.

I honestly only help him put this sensor around town because I wanna know what this ManBearPig is.

Never heard of it.

And I heard a lot of crazy shit while moving from state to state, city to city.

Then we meet at the playground some cute kindergarten kids who wanna play hide and seek with me. So we also have to look for them while running around town doing this and that.

Funny is no one here has their front doors locked. You can just walk in and rob….erm I mean borrow their stuff.

Maybe I should have picked thief since I have way too much fun exploring any house and grabbing what can help us in our LARPing. Good thing Leo doesn’t seem to mind.

I should be better than this but nah. I’m enjoying myself way too much.

Next up, after finding the first kindergarten child, we enter the house of a gay man in a leather outfit and I kid you not his name is Mister Slave.

I’m getting a feeling South Park is full of awful puns and references of that kind.

Mister Slave asks me to pick up a package for him at the Post, so Leo and I make our way there.

The street where the Post is locked is full of shops. Leo referred to it as the marketplace.

It’s kind of funny when we enter the bank and then the post that Leo goes all robber/kidnapper and then greets the people friendly.

I don’t know why he does that, but I won’t stop him.

After we pick up Mister Slaves’ package, which is surely not a Dildo, what drugs are you on, I decide we finished exploring, putting the sensors up, and finding the other kindergarten kids before we return to Mister Slave.

We have found a kindergarten child in the bank and one down in the sewers. I’m still impressed with myself that I had the stomach to go down there.

When we reach City Hall I see something which instantly makes me angry.

Three bitches my age are bullying a little blond fourth-grade girl.

They throw at each other the little girls Justin Bieber toy, taunting her.

“Give it back! Give it back!”, pleads the little girl.

Bitch with the red cap just snarks: “Why don't you make us?”

“That's MY Justin Bieber toy!”

“Not anymore, it's not!”, says Bitch in a grey hoodie.

I had wordless Leo my staff and literally fly myself over the three bitches. Bitch with a cap gets a fist slammed in her face, Bitch in a grey hoodie I kick in the stomach, and the fat bitch I slap her so hard in the face that she falls down.

I take the Justin Bieber toy and kick for good measure each of the bitches in their stomach.

“Leave this girl alone and never ever bully someone or next time I turn you three into Shish Kebab!”, I growl at them.

Scarred and crying they stand up and run away.

Good.

I turn to the little girl.

“Here you go, sweetie.”

I hand her the Justin Bieber doll.

“Oh, I hope they didn't break it.”, she mumbles and pulls the cord of the doll. It’s starting to vibrate…why is my head immediately in the gutter? The girl is 10, she doesn’t surely use it as I think in my perverted mind!

“Oh, whew. Hey, thanks ... I owe you one girl.”

“It’s whatever.”

As a reward, I get a new Facebook friend and learn her name is Annie.

…Blond…

…Short…

…Name Annie…

Sie sind das Essen und wir sind die Jaeger!

Sorry, couldn’t help myself.

I love Attack on Titan, even if the ending was worse than the Game of Thrones one.

After saying goodbye to Annie we meet in City Hall the mayor of the town Ms. McDaniels and she wants me that I beat up homeless people so South Park can appear again as a compassionate community.

Who sees the fault in that logic?

I agree, but I’m not sure I will do this.

I mean if the hobos attack me I will protect myself, but I won’t actively search for them to beat them up.

I’m not that heartless.

Anyway, we meet the then local preacher man of South Park Priest Maxi and he wants me to find Jesus.

I’m confused.

And I tell so Leo as we look around the Police Station.

“Oh well, Jesus lives here, he even has his own TV show.”, explains Leo to me.

I blink as I free Romper Stomper from his prison cell and earn him as a Facebook friend.

“…What?”

“Yeah, he is pretty cool. Maybe he is at his house.”

“You are telling me, my lord and savior, Jesus Christ, who died for humanity’s sins is under as and lives here in South Park?!”

Leo can’t even look that fast as I practically race to the church.

My gut is telling me I will find him there.

When I enter the church I can hear a soft giggle. I follow the sound to one of the benches and there he is.

Jesus Christ.

Alive, in the flesh.

“You found me! Tee hee hee! Next time finding me won't be so easy!”, he tells me.

Before I can talk to him or bow down he disappears!

With an open mouth, I stare at where he stood.

“N.K. are you okay?”

Leo finally reached me and looks at me worried.

I feel tears in my eyes.

“I couldn’t even talk to him…”, I mumbled sadly, walking out of the church.

After a second Leo follows me confused.

We return to Priest Maxi.

“I found him, Father, but I lost him at the same moment.”, I admit sadly.

“Do not despair, for many find Jesus only to lose Him later.”, preaches Priest Maxi. “But the soul that does not abandon its search will surely be rewarded with His company. Remember that.”

Oh well in that case, back to church then.

Again I hear the giggle, just this time Jesus is nowhere hiding by the benches.

It takes Leo and me some time to figure out how we need to switch the lights off and the lamps under the cross have to shine on it. Jesus silhouette appears on the cross and I find him hiding behind the Preacher Desk.

“Well done, my daughter!”, he congratulates me. “I hope you didn't peek! Remember, I will always be at the side of those who have found me. You can call me once per day with this. But I can't help against bosses. They're scary. Come find me again for another.”

He hands me a pretty rosary which I clutch to my chest.

“Thank you, my lord and savior. I will hold this rosary in the highest regards. I just have one question.”, I nearly whisper since I’m so nervous.

“Ask and you shall get your answers, my daughter.”, he encourages me with a soft smile.

“You probably know I’m bi. Our bible is pretty much against LGBTQ+ people. I just wanna know…do you still love me and do I have a chance to get to heaven?”

“My daughter, a lot of people have wondered what my stance on homosexuality is. So I'd like to state once and for all, my true opinion. You see-“

“Well this was certainly a lot of walking.”, sums Leo up as we finally make our way to Kupa Keep.

I nod, while checking all my Facebook followers. All these quests we did earned me a lot of new followers and I could unlock a lot of cool power-ups.

Smiling I remember little adorable Karen, the fair princess sister, who told me to protect her sister, even if she can handle herself.

Also that Kenny texted her that she thinks I’m pretty cute is amazing.

All in all, I’m really satisfied and glad we did all this.

Still, I’m happy we concreted now on the main quest.

As we enter Kupa Keep Leo calls out: “All soldiers reporting for duty, Grand Wizard!”

With a flirty smirk, I walk up to Princess Kenny.

“Your Highness, it’s a gift from the gods been again in your presence.”, I purr.

Princess Kenny gasps and looks me up and down. I can practically feel how she ogles my breasts. A warm shiver goes down my back this reaction is stroking my ego a lot.

I feel so pretty and powerful now.

“You make an amazing Link, noble mage. 10 out of 10.”, she compliments, taking my hand and making me do a twirl. She looks right at my ass. “I can’t stop looking at you.”

I turn my head and wink.

“You can look as much as you want my dear princess.”

Before we can flirt more Lord Fatty steps out of his war tent to check on his army.

With a sign, we both stand in line with the others.

Damn it, it was going so well right now.

“Nice work, Douchebag.”, praises me Cartman.

I do a little bow.

“Leo…erm Butters helped too. It was a team effort. Thank you, my king.”

“Now all my men are here and ready to fight for the - wait a minute, where is Feldspar? Where's my level twelve thief?”

Ups, there was this.

“Erm yes, Craig wasn’t home.”, I explain lamely.

“He's in detention.”, adds Token.

“What?!”

“He flipped off the principal, so he's in detention again.”, tells him Tweek.

“Oh my God...”

King Large Ass seems done with life. Princess Kenny and I side-eye each other and giggle quietly at his despair.

“If they've locked away our thief in detention we have no hope of getting back the Stick of Truth. We have to break him out!”, decides Cartman.

“Agh! No way, man, last time we broke Craig out of detention we ALL got in trouble!”, screams Tweek and pulls at his hair.

“Getting into trouble is a risk that Douchebag is willing to take!-“

“-What the fuck, man!”, I yell in between. “I’m not doing it! I even haven’t started school yet, no way I will risk making a bad impression already!”

Also, my parents would be angry at me if I don’t behave at school and bring a bad report card home.

Lord Cheesypops grips me by the arm and leads me away a bit.

“Douchbag, douchbag, douchbag-“

“-Will you stop calling me that my name is N.K.!-“

“-You are the only one I trust with this mission. But don't worry, I will not let you go unprepared. I am going to teach you how to use magic. Meet me at the training barracks. It's time for you to learn 'Dragonshout.'”

Okay, I’m curious.

“What is Dragonshout?”

“For that to learn you have to agree to bust out Feldspar.”, this evil genius sings-songs.

Dammit, he knows one of my weak points.

Getting cool and new powers.

I sign.

I’m doomed.

“All right.”

“Good boy.”

With that, I follow Cartman to the training barracks.

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

I used Google Translate for the chapter title so if someone can speak Japanese it’s not my fault if something is wrong. Also, the title means Pretty Princess Kenny-Chan and pretty mage N.K.-Kun magical adventure. Enjoy the new chapter my loves!

Chapter 5: Kawaī purinsesu Kenny-Chan to kawaī mahōtsukai N.K.-Kun no mahō no bōken

“That’s disgusting!”

“Don’t be a pussy, Douchebag!”

“My name is N.K. when will you learn this fatass?!”

“Hey! I’m your king I command respect from you. Also, I’m not fat I’m big-boned.”

“Could have fooled me.”

“Will you learn now Dragonshout or be a prissy girl about it!”

I stare at Cartman angrily and he glares right back at me.

As it turns out Dragonshout is a powerful fart.

Hell nah, I’m learning that.

It’s like a said disgusting and I don’t want to be known as the fart girl.

“I will rather be a prissy girl than be known as the farting guy.”, I tell him as such. “You can’t force me to learn.”

“Fine be a huge bitch! Don’t come crying back to me to learn it when you realize you need it!”, he shouts back.

I’m in a pickle I feel it. I don’t want to learn this shit, but Lord Men Tittys is so sure that I will need Dragonshout, that I’m starting to have doubts.

I ball my hands into fists.

“I’m sorry my king, if you think I need to learn this magic, then I will.”, I grit out from behind my teeth.

The asshole gives me a huge winning smirk. I feel so dirty, no lie.

“I’m happy you reconsider, Douchebag.”, he says gleefully. “FIRST, you must take the Gentlemen's Oath. You must promise to NEVER, EVER fart on anyone's balls. Okay? Farting on an opponent is necessary, but farting on someone's balls is NOT COOL. Do you understand?”

“Why would I fart on any ones balls? But sure I promise.”

“All right, then, let's begin your training.”

His Largness faces one of the training dummies, while I cross my arms and wonder in what kind of fucked up parallel universe I ended up.

Farts as weapons.

Urgh.

“To conjure Dragonshout, you must first clear your mind and take in a deep breath... through your butthole. Like so. HRRNNGGHH!! Then... let it rumble inside you... and... DRAGONSHOUT!!”

A fart comes out which lets the training dummy sway. Okay…Cartman can make farts so potent that they are like a huge smelly breeze.

And now I should learn this?

I don’t know how this will help me in my quest.

Sadly I can’t back down.

I will not give Cartman this satisfaction.

Gritting my teeth I follow his instructions. It’s so weird feeling the rumbling in my stomach, till I let out a fart.

I can feel how red from embarrassment my face is.

“Is this okay, my king?”, I ask him, praying I don’t need to do it again.

“My god that was... incredible. A man could live a hundred years and never again witness a spell so... boisterous.”, says Cartman in awe. I raise my eyebrow at him. What the fuck? “Could it be that the prophecies are true? Could it be that the Dragonborn has come at last in our hour of need?”

“Dude, this is South Park: The Stick of Truth not Skyrim: Elder Scrolls!”

“Whatever, Douchebag. Now let us try your skill on a REAL opponent. Hey, hey, Princess Kenny, could you come here a sec?-“

“-Oh no, no way in hell, asshole!-“, I yell angrily in between.

He ignores me, giggling to himself: “-Shhh, don't tell him. Okay. Just real quick, Princess Kenny.”

The princess joins us, winking at me. I can’t even enjoy it, knowing what I need to do to her.

This sucks so much!

…Wait maybe I can…?

An idea forms in my mind and I have to hide my smirk.

“All right, you two - SPAR! Sir Douchebag, show Princess Kenny the magical powers I have taught you.”

“Of course.”, I sing-song, while Princess Kenny makes herself battle ready.

I walk up to her, only in the last second to turn around to Cartman and let out a huge Dragonshout in his fat face!

Princess Kenny is howling from laughter, while Lord Wobbly Stomach shouts in anger and disgust.

“WHAT THE FUCK DUDE! YOU SHOULD HAVE USED IT ON HER NOT ON ME! GOD IT’S SO DISGUSTING!”, he screams and coughs.

I cross my arms and cock out a hip.

“That’s what you get for calling me always Douchebag! Now I think I must make haste to save a certain thief from detention.”

With that, I turn around and make my way out of the kingdom.

That’s when Princess Kenny calls for me. I stop and she reaches me. Again it’s really muffled what she says, but I get the most important bit.

“Oh, you will be my buddy for this quest? Awesome! Then let’s go my lady.”

I offer her my arm, which she happily takes.

Together we make our way to school.

Getting to know my fair princess is the best.

I learn pretty quickly that she has a perverted sense of humor and is laid back.

Oh, I dig this.

I dig this so much.

“You should really consider reading hentai as you see it may be drawing but it’s really hot.”, I tell her while I show her some of the hentai pages I have on my phone.

Princess Kenny giggles. “Oh, I see. It is indeed hot! What is this called again?”

“Yuri.”

“Damn girl on girl action is so hot!”

“I know!”

I put my phone back in my pocket, while the princess caresses my arm she is holding on.

“You know I never meet a girl who loves boobs as much as I do.”

“Ah, so you know I’m a girl.”

At this, she gives me a deadpan look and stares pointedly at my breasts.

“N.K., your tits are amazing! I saw them from a mile when you enter Kupa Keep for the first time.”

I can’t help but blush and giggled charmed. I like hearing that. It’s always nice to get compliments. Especially about my body.

I know I’m, for my age, a hot bitch even if I need glasses.

One of my ex-girlfriends, Clara, told me once I have the hot Liberian vibe going on.

Does this make me vain?

Naah, I think I just have sane self-worth and self-loving.

“You are one of the prettiest girls I have met and I meet a lot.”, I flirt. “You are probably also a handsome boy! But I need to ask…are you genderfluid? What pronouns do you prefer?”

For that, I get a confused look from Princess Kenny.

“Huh, what? What is genderfluid?”

Oh…this surprises me.

“A genderfluid person may fluctuate among different gender expressions over their lifetime, or express multiple aspects of various gender markers simultaneously.”, I explain to her. “I thought you might be this since you are a boy, but you dress as a girl and use she/her pronouns.”

“I’m a boy, I just like to play princess…”

I see how she frowns.

“I…I never thought that I could be…more?”

I wrap an arm around her shoulders squeezing her.

“Hey it’s okay, you don’t have to explore this right now. Maybe you just like roleplaying and that’s it or maybe you are genderfluid. It doesn’t matter. I still think you are hot and nice.”, I reassure her.

She looks up at me with big eyes.

“Are you a lesbian or something? I taught you were just playing along.”

“I’m bi, I am attracted to more than one gender. So whatever you are I don’t care. Dick or pussy, I don’t look at the sex. I fall for the character of people, not their reproduction organs.”

This makes her laugh and snuggle up to me.

“First you use crude words like dick and pussy and then go all science-y you are one of a kind N.K.!”

Aww, she is so cute.

I can’t help myself, giving her a kiss on the forehead.

Princess Kenny blushes and cheekily says: “I think you kissed the wrong place.”

She makes us stop. One arm of her gets wrapped around my neck and with her free hand pulls down her hood.

Oh my lord!

Kenny is hot!

Her blue eyes were already magnificent, but her whole face, with the cute nos and the soft rosey lips is just out of this world pretty.

She totally can be a handsome boy and a pretty girl with a face like that.

I wonder why people don’t throw themselves at her feet. Then I remember that she practically wears the parker all the time and I have my answer.

The princess goes on her tippy toes and puckers her lips.

“I think, you wanted to kiss my sweet lips.”

I laugh and wrap my arms around her waist.

I lean down, she closes her eyes and I kiss her….on the cheek.

Kenny lets out a whine.

“Easy there cowgirl.”, I muse, stroking her blonde hair. “If I started to kiss you now I couldn’t stop and sadly we are at school. We don’t have time to make out.”

Sadly.

Surprised Princess Kenny turns around and there is the school behind her.

She lets go of me, crossing her arms. A little huff comes out of her lips.

Smiling at her cute reaction, I pull her hood back on and kiss again her forehead.

“Don’t be like that. I’m sure we will find a moment I can shove my tongue down your throat. Maybe I will even let you touch my boobs.”

I can hear how she moans in despair.

“You are a tease! How can you say such things and then not commit to it?!”

I give her a wink and sauter up to one of the school windows, to see where Craig is.

“That’s part of my charm.”

I hear rapid, angry muffles. I have to fight off the smirk on my face.

I would love to rile her up more, but I need to bust out a thief from detention.

So time to get to work.

I see what must be the cafeteria of the school. Some kids sit on the tables, one in particular is dressed, from what I can see, more medieval. I bet that’s Craig! Overseeing all the kids is a man with a head of a ballon.

I blink surprised.

I never saw someone with a head like that.

It seems like it will fly away any minute.

Princess Kenny joins me and whispers that this is the school counselor Mr. Mackey, currently the evil dungeon overlord who has hall monitors patrolling the school.

I nod in understanding.

Mr. Mackey tries to get Craig to work on his homework, but Craig is already so in his Feldspar character that he rather looks at his watch and tells Mr. Mackey that he will be soon rescued from this tower.

He says it in such a deadpan tone, that I have to snort.

That guy is a number!

At least we get the information that the doors are locked. This means not only do we have to watch out for the hall monitors but probably searching keys to enter.

Oh well, let’s do this.

I take Princess Kenny’s hand and we enter the school.

A lone ginger hall monitor is there to greet us.

Now, I always loved red hair, I get weak knees for redheads, but this one is so not my type. Maybe it’s the acne-like freckles since freckles are normally cute. It turns me off.

“Excuse me, but school is OUT and no students are allowed on the premises until tomorrow at 7:30 am.”, tells the hall monitor.

“Listen here dude.”, I start bored. “I know you just do your job so it’s not your fault, but I and my fair princess need to free the thief, and if you don’t want to get your ass handed to you, be smart and let us pass!”

Princess Kenny nods in agreement.

“I warn you! Stay away from the doors! One step towards those doors and I will be forced to write you up!”, he completely ignores what I told him and get’s even battle ready.

Me and Princess Kenny share a look.

“Let’s kick his ass, my lady?”

“Let’s kick his ass, hot stuff.”

And we do just that.

Defeat and beaten up he lays on the floor and speaks into his Walkie-Talkie: “Officer down, officer down! Send backup! I repeat, Officer down! All hallway monitors to the right hallway!”

“Oh, god dammit!”, comes Mr. Mackey’s voice from the Walkie-Talkie.

“Heeeeere they come.”, sings-songs a nasal voice, who can only be Craig.

“They aren't gonna GET you, Craig! You're not getting out of detention!”

“I'll be out of here in ten minutes.”

I snorted at this and knock out the hall monitor.

“What ya see my princess?”, I ask her. “Do we manage to get thief Craig out in ten minutes?”

Princess Kenny flicks one of her braids over her shoulder and readies her pink bow.

“Oh, I think we will. Lead the way, beautiful.”

I grin at the pet name and open the door to the next hall war. With a bow a gesture to her to go through.

“What a gentleman.”, she purrs.

“I can be anything you want, my princess.”, I flirt back and follow her.

In the hallway more ginger hall monitors await us, they even put up a barricade. I give it to them, that’s smart.

But not smart enough.

I signal Kenny to shoot down one of the loudspeakers, which hits one of the hall monitors on the head. Then I get out a can of hairspray and a lighter I found in one of the houses I ransacked with Leo. With my improvised flamethrower, I destroy the barrier, and the remaining hall monitors get defeated by the huge blast.

Kenny and I high-fived each other and make our way over to the cafeteria door.

Sadly it’s locked.

Okay, real talk, isn’t it kind of too much to lock the door? What if one of the kids needs to pee?

“You're not gonna get through this door. Mkay.”, shouts Mr. Mackey from the other side. “You might as well give up because I have hidden the key somewhere and you'll never find it in my office. Aw, dammit... mkay.”

I laugh and call cheekily back: “Thanks for the tip!”

Now Kenny takes my hand and leads me to where Mr. Mackey’s office is.

I try to open it, but it’s closed.

“Fucking bullshit!”, curses Princess Kenny what I think too.

Let me guess we need a key for that room and before we can get into the office we need another key for another room so we get the one for the office.

It’s really like a dungeon.

And like a dungeon, the next enemy is patrolling the hall we are currently in.

I signal to Kenny to hit the phone with one of her arrows, the hall monitor walks over to it to pick up the ringing phone and I Sparta kick the chairs beside the phone, so they fall on top of the ginger.

Was this unnecessarily brutal?

Yes.

Do I regret it?

No.

We continue and I swerve I hear a ruckus coming from the faculty lounge, but I can’t inspect it since the room also needs a key. 

Dammit!

“We'll need the brass key in order to open this door!”, explains Princess Kenny to me.

“So we need all in all, a brass key, a silver key, and a gold key. Awesome!”, I groan annoyed.

Stupid dungeon mechanic.

Kenny pats my shoulder in comfort.

I smile at her in thanks.

We continue our quest to get the brass key and a motherfucking hall monitor closes the hallway with a metal fence so we can’t go on!

“You little bitch!”, I curse at him.

The hall monitor has the nerve to taunt me: “The protector of the brass key will never surrender!”

…Ha! At least we now know he has one of the keys we need.

Stupid bitch!

Suddenly Princess Kenny goes on her knees and declares: “Your word is the command, my lady.”

“Is this some kind of invitation to make out? Because like I would love to, but I don’t like people watching.”

“No, you adorable horny girl. It’s a game mechanic. You can command your quest buddy to use one of their special ability.”

“Oh! And hey you are probably just as horny as I am, but whatever. Do your thing, Princess.”

And she does.

Her thing is calling over one of the hallway monitors and showing off her naked “breasts”! I bit into my hand to not laugh like crazy.

That’s an awesome ability!

Also, it works.

Charmed the hall monitor opens the fence, ready to touch Kenny’s boobs, only for her to get out a pretty mirror and knock him out with that.

Now I can’t hold back anymore and laugh like crazy.

“That was wonderful!”, I giggle. “Your boobs are the bomb. I doubt my boobs have that kind of power! Kudos, girl!”

Kenny winks at me and I have the feeling she is grinning brightly under her parker.

We make haste to the hall monitor who has the brass key, he has two other hall monitors with him.

“You can take the brass key from my cold, dead hands!”

“If that is what you wish!”, I shout back. “Kenny the bulletin board!”

I hear a muffled agreeing sound and she shots at it. The bullentin board falls down on the other two hall monitors.

Only the one with the brass key remains.

We take care of him fast.

“More officers down!”, whimpers the defeated hall monitor in his Walkie-Talkie. “We're taking heavy casualties out here!”

“Dammit, you hallway monitors need to stop playing around!”, responds Mr. Mackey annoyed.

“He's got the brass key! He's some kind of Dragonborn!”

“Now, look, this is detention time, not time to play Dungeons and Dragons! And besides, he's never gonna get inside here because to open the door, you need the gold key and the only way to get the gold key is by getting the silver key, mkay, which even if he HAS the brass key, he still hasn't made it past the boss level. Mmkay.”

And here I thought Mr. Mackey wasn’t part of our RPG.

Whatever.

With the brass key, I knock out the hall monitor.

“Oh yeah, we are kickass!”, I declare.

Princess Kenny agrees full heartily. We can now open the faculty lounge. In it, we find at least four ginger hall monitors and a poor brown-haired boy who saw better days.

Me and Kenny use the environment around us to defeat the evil hall monitor and get to the brown-haired boy.

Since he clearly needs it I had him a health potion.

“Thanks, I thought I was a goner! There were too many of them. They were too strong, their hair too red...”, shudders the brunette boy.

I wave it off.

“It’s all right. We helped with pleasure.”

He gives me a silver key. Surely the one we need!

“Maybe you can take this silver key and find the gold key. You can succeed where I have failed! Free Mackey's prisoners!”

With that, he leaves us.

I shrug my shoulders and take the hand of my fair princess.

“We are nearly done, let’s go.”

Kenny nods and we return to Mackey’s office. This time we can open it thanks to the silver key.

The gold key is found fast and Kenny uses her bow to shoot it down from the shelf.

“The gold key!”, she cheers. “Now we can go rescue Craig!”

“This means this stupid dungeon is nearly done!”, I celebrate.

We make haste back to the cafeteria.

As I’m about to open the door I hear a male voice say: “That's far enough, intruder!”

I turn around.

A ginger hall monitor, clearly a year older than me, tougher looking than the other ones stands before Kenny and me.

Protective I stand before my Princess, while she grips with both hands one of my arms.

“Where's your hall pass?”, he asks.

“I don’t need one. Technically I still don’t go to this school and my Princess has diplomacy immunity!”, I shot back, trying to appear tough, even if I’m sweating from nervousness.

Big ginger hall monitor heard apparently only the part that we don’t have one.

“No hall pass? Then it's time to write you a referral.”

That motherfucker gets out a dodgeball on a stick, making it a mace.

Holy cow!

He means business.

“Oh, yeah, that's the boss.”, calls Mr. Mackey from behind the cafeteria doors. “Good luck fighting the boss, mkay. You still think this is a game, young man?”

And another one who thinks I’m a boy! Yippie!

I can’t even get really mad about it, since the big ginger hall monitor calls also for back-up.

This is going to be a tough fight, but Mage N.K. and pretty Princess Kenny won at the end!

Grinning I open the door to the cafeteria and shout: “You are free my babes!”

“Yay!”, all cheer happily.

Together we run all out of school, Mr. Mackey behind us waving his fist and cursing: “DAMN YOU CRAAAAAIG!”

“Wuhu! That was awesome!”, I cheer and pick up Princess Kenny to twirl her around.

She laughs and hugs me back. “You were amazing, noble Mage!”

“Thanks for busting me out, kid.”, say Craig glad. “Who are you?”

“My future spouse!”, purrs Princess Kenny. She has her arms wrapped around my arm, snuggling up to me.

I blush and giggle.

“I’m the new kid and also the new Mage of Kupa Keep my name is N.K.”, I introduced myself to Craig. “Nice to meet you noble thief.”

He gives me a nod.

“Does Cartman know you are a girl or is it a secret?”

“A secret, please keep it for yourself.”

“No problem, mage. Can’t wait to see Cartman’s stupid face when he learns you are a girl. This will be so hilarious.”

“Let’s hope it will be in the distant future.”

“Oh well, I'm heading to Kupa Keep. See you there I guess.”

And with that, he leaves.

“Well we should go to.”, I tell Kenny, who is still hugging my arm to herself.

“Right, but first…”

Kenny pulls her hood down, then takes my face in her hands and pats her eyelashes at me.

“You deserve a reward for all the hard work you have done.”

She looks pointedly at my lips. I can’t help but blush, yet I wrap my arms around her waist and lean down, while she goes on her tippy toes.

“I gladly take any reward you want to give me, my princess.”

For that, I get a brilliant smile and not a second later a pair of soft lips against mine.

Oh yes, this is the best kind of reward!

Next

Update 28.05.2023: Isekai'd as Chloe my headache

Hi my loves!

Here we are with a new update about my FFs.

Especially Isekai'd as Chloe.

As you follow my writing blog you have seen that I update my South Park FF three times this week. I'm in a good flow with it right now and will contine on writing it. ^^

Now we come to my second FF I wanted to concreted on: Isekai'd as Chloe.

I manage to polish the grammer and spelling of Chapter 8, but for my taste the chapter needs to be longer.

It's missing something.

But my creativy for ML is lacking.

I'm just...so disconected from it.

I really, really don't enjoy writing for it.

But I want to finesh it.

So I'm asking you.

Do you want something specif happen?

Maybe your ideas will motived me or I will use them, because alone I aren't gonna get out of that writer's blog. I will give you of course credit.

If this doesn't help either, I will put Isekai'd on Chloe on infinity haitus till on day I find it in myself to write for it again.

I needed to tell you all this.

You have the right to know that a FF you like is struggling and will probaly be on haitus for a long time.

I wish I had better news for you, but I won't lie to you.

I'm this close to just abandon/delete Isekai'd as Chloe since it makes me only sad. 😞

Anyway, wish you all a nice day/night!

Till next time! 😘

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 6: Magical Music Madness with the Bard

Holding hands and giggling like school girls Princess Kenny and I return to Kupa Keep.

“Princess Kenny, N.K. there you are!”, greets us, Leo. “When Craig returned and you two didn’t come back, I got worried.”

Kenny waves his worries away, while I give his head a pat.

“Me and the Princess…explored a bit more of the town, nothing to worry about.”

My fair princess and I share a look and laugh together.

Oh, we did explore.

But not the town.

Not that we are going to tell what we actually did. Leo is too innocent to hear this.

“Oh, all right.”, signs Leo relieved. Then he frowns and points at my neck. “N.K.! You have a large bruise there! Let me heal it!”

Automatically I slap my free hand where the “bruise” is. I can’t help but turn red, while Kenny giggles even more.

“Oh don’t worry noble paladin. That isn’t a bruise.”, tells Princess Kenny smugly.

I give her an annoyed look.

“I know you sucked too hard!”, I quietly hiss at her. “Now I have a hickey. How I’m going to explain this to my parents?”

Leo stares just confused from me to Princess Kenny.

As an answer, Kenny gives me a cheek kiss.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head over it. Didn’t you tell me that you are good with make-up? You can just cover it.”

And with that, she sashes away.

I roll my eyes, but can’t help grinning.

“Hate to see her leave love to watch her go.”, I confess to Leo, who just seems more confused.

“Ooookaaayyyy, I have a feeling I don’t wanna know what you and the princess were doing.”, he admins. “Are you two together?”

I laugh and give his head again a pat.

“Oh Leo, you have still a lot to learn.”

Not that I didn’t enjoy my time alone with the Princess greatly, but already starting a relationship? Naah, I still wanna look around.

Kenny seems all right with it too.

And that’s the most important thing.

Before Leo can ask what I mean, Lord I’m-going-to-die-on-a-heart-attack-if-someone-doesn’t-murder-me-before steps out of the war tent and calls us all over to him.

“Gentlemen, thanks to the new kid, our entire army is assembled!”, Cartman proclaims. “It is my belief that the new kid deserves to rank up in level.”

“You honor me, my king.”, I say with a little bow.

“To honor his efforts, he will no longer be called "Douchebag." New Kid, I hereby dub thee - SIR Douchebag! Congratulations.”

I take it back.

“Oh come on you asshole! My name is not that complicated!”, I shout while the others clap for me in congratulation for my new rank.

Of course, Cartman ignores me.

I will get my revenge on the asshole one day. Hitting him with Dragonshout didn’t satisfy my hunger for revenge at all.

“But now it is time for us to take back that which is rightfully ours.”, he tells us. “A carrier raven has come with news that the Stick of Truth has not yet been taken to the Elven Forest. It is in the possession of... the Bard.”

Suddenly all around me, the guys freaked out.

“The Bard?!”, gasp Scott scarred.

“Oh, God! Not the Bard!”, whimpers Tweek.

Confused I turn to Leo and raise an eyebrow.

“The Bard is a level ten Drow Elf who can use magic to enchant and destroy his enemies!”, Leo explains.

I nod in understanding. No wonder the others are freaking out. This is a tough enemy.

Mmh, maybe we could use some earplugs to not get affected by his music…? Would that work?

“Are you ready to continue your training?”, turns Lord Fatliver at me, interrupting my thoughts. “Then make haste to the training grounds.”

Who wants to bet with me that I need to learn a new fart technic?

Do I hear 20 dollars? 15? 10? 25?

Naturally, it is again a fart technic, it’s called Cup-A-Spell, which I master.

Okay, I’m petty.

I should have thrown it again in Cartman’s stupid face, but he choose Scott as my sparring partner and I’m still angry that the diabetic boy called me also a douchebag and can’t see I’m a girl.

So Scott got the Cup-A-Spell thrown in his face, which makes Cartman laugh happily.

After we are done with the training our large-ass king reassembles us.

“If the carrier ravens are correct, the Bard is hiding out at the Inn of the Giggling Donkey. We must find him before he's able to take the Stick back to the Elven Forest.”

“LET US FIND THE BARD AND BRING HIM TO JUSTICE!”, yells Leo with passion.

“MAKE HASTE TO THE GIGGLING DONKEY!”, commands Cartman.

With that we all, beside Schott who will hold down the fort, run out of Kupa Keep.

We have reached the Giggling Donkey and are hiding behind some bushes before it. Like we are all spies, we coordinated look up from the bushes.

“There it is. The Inn of the Giggling Donkey.”, says Cartman anonymously.

The Giggling Donkey is located inside a blue house. I sure hope it’s the house of someone who takes part in our RPG and that my comrades didn’t just pick a random house.

I don’t think the adults would like that.

“Paladin.”, Lord Chubby turns to Leo. “Are you sure the Bard is hiding out in there?”

“That's what Twitter says.”

“CARRIER RAVEN, Butters!”

“So-sorry, that's what the carrier raven says.”

I pat Leo shoulder to calm him down and send Cartman an angry look. No need to get pissed off about such a small detail.

Cartman commands: “Craig and Token, guard the back door. Butters, Kenny, Sir Douchebag... let's go inside.”

“Goddammit, is it so complicated to say N.K.?!”

Of course, Lord Fatness ignores me.

I growl under my breath.

Princess Kenny takes my hand, stroking it to calm me down, while Leo is now the one to pat my shoulder.

I send them both thankful smiles and we follow Cartman into the Inn.

Me and Kenny still hold hands and a took Leo by the arm.

I don’t like the vibes of this Inn.

“Stay close, Sir Douchebag. The Inn of the Giggling Donkey harbors the scum of all Zaron.”, warns me Cartman.

“Don’t need to tell me twice.”, I respond, gripping tighter Kenny’s hand and making Leo walk closer to me.

The Inn practically screams shady bar, with the suspicious patrons and the whole decor. The little jazz music is the only thing nice.

We four walk up to the bar.

“A glass of Meedlewine, please.”, orders Cartman.

“No Meedlewine today, only Fairy Ale.”, tells the barkeeper.

“A pint of Fairy Ale, then.”

The barkeeper prepares Lord Stomachpounch’s order, while he asks with fake nonchalant: “So... has uh... anyone seen the Bard lately?”

Literally, a record scratches, and all the patrons give us the evil eye.

“Smooth!”, I whisper-shout at Cartman.

Princess Kenny is gripping my arm and Leo is hiding behind me, gripping my other arm. I give the Princess a quick kiss on the cheek to reassure her. Leo gets a gentle pat on the head.

It works and the two calm down.

“A cup of Fairy Ale isn't much if not accompanied by some bardic poems and songs.”, tries Cartman to save the situation.

“Sure he's here, all right. He's got a room down in the cellar.”, informs him the barkeeper.

“Ah, and I shall pay handsomely for his services.”

King Fatass finishes his drink and throws some coins at the bar.

“Sir Douchebag.”

Me, Kenny, and Leo follow after him to the door which will lead to the cellar.

“This smells like a trap.”, I tell Cartman my suspicions.

Inns normally don’t have rooms in the cellar. In the cellar, you store food and drinks. There is no place for a room to sleep.

I see how Kenny and Leo nod in agreement.

“That’s the only lead we have on the bard. Do you have a better idea, Douchebag?”, challenges me Cartman.

I sign.

“No, sadly no.”

Satisfied King Large Ass gives out his orders: “Butters, Douchebag, go down and flush him out. Princess Kenny and I will be waiting here to murder him. Remember, the Bard can use songs to enchant. Don't let him get to you.”

Princess Kenny gives me a good luck kiss on the cheek and I smile thankful at her.

“We will be back soon.”, I promise.

I take Leo’s hand, advising him: “Stay close and behind me, understood Leo?”

“Y-Yes, Sir N.K.”

“Are you fags then done been gay with each other. We have a bard to murder and a Stick to reclaim.”

For that Kenny and I give him the evil eyes.

“You are just jealous that no one would even hold your hand wearing ten cloves over it!”, I shot back.

I don’t wait for Cartman’s angry answers and lead Leo down the cellar stairs.

“You think the Bard's really down here?”, wonders Leo afraid, gripping my hand tight.

It’s really dark and spooky in the cellar.

I squeeze his hand as we make our way through the cellar.

“Oh, I think that motherfucker is just waiting for us.”

Suddenly we hear a sound and then someone who plays a lute.

Leo and I hold our hands to the ears since the sound penetrated the eardrums.

A figure with crutches steps into the little light the cellar has.

“Oh Jesus, it's the Bard!”, yells Leo scarred.

Automatically I stand before him to protect him and fix the bard with a glare. The kid is disabled, you clearly see it, but he has a dangerous aura around him.

I prepare myself for anything.

“Prepare for battle, w-w-w-weaklings!”, stutters the bard. “Elves, fall in!”

Didn’t I say it was a motherfucking trap?!

“DOUCHEBAG! IT'S A TRAP!”, yells Cartman obviously.

“I TOLD YOU SO!”, I can’t resist calling back.

“You should have never come here, h-humans.”, tells us the bard. “I am a level 10 bard, and with my lute I shall power up my elven guards with magical songs of encha - with magical songs of encha-cha - with magical songs of encha-chaaa... mag... magical songs of enchame-me-me...”

I blink rapidly at his stuttering, what the hell, while all the others wait patiently for him to finish.

“Magical songs of enchantment!”

Oh, he is done.

This means it’s time to kick some elven butt. Me and Leo face the elvens, while the bard takes the stage on a wooden box.

The bard starts to play his lute singing: “There once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow. She didn't talk much, but boy did she swallow.”

I can’t help the snort that comes out of my mouth.

That’s a funny and good rhyme, I give him that!

“Sir N.K., we need to concreted on the battle!”, reminds me, Leo.

“Sorry, of course, you are right!”

We battle the elves and the bard sings another funny line: “I have a nice lance that she sat upon. The maiden from Stonebury who was also your mom.”

I laugh out loud, while I hit an elf with my wand.

“N.K.!”

“Sorry, Leo! But Mister Bard you are hilarious.”

“Well, t-t-thank you, m-m-my lady!”

“Erm, yeah, can you please not say this while Cartman is near us? He thinks I’m a dude.”

“Oh…o-okay.”

Even with the bard singing, which makes the elven stronger, me and Leo win.

The bard jumps down from his wooden box, grumbling: “Wow, what a butt-kicking...”

He manages to reach the cellar door to let in more elves.

“Get down there and finish them off. I will protect the S-Stick of Truth.”

With that, the bard leaves us with our new friends.

Leo and I use the environment to our advantage to take out the elves. As even Craig joins us, we finish them off pretty quickly.

Okay, Leo needs to heal Craig, since he twisted his ankle, but we three are in no time out of the cellar.

We see an elven warrior charging into the kitchen.

“For the elf king!”

“AHGHGH! Someone help!”

We hear Cartman’s pained screams.

“Come on, the Wizards in the kitchen! We gotta help him!”, tells Leo.

I make a face.

“Do we really need to…”

“N.K.!”

“All right, all right…”

I follow Leo and we take care of the elfs.

Like Princess Kenny did in the school my little bro goes down on one knee and proclaims: “Your word is the command, my lord. Shall I heal the king, my lord? Or maybe let him suffer just a little bit more?”

“I would love to.”, I sign sadly. “But heal him, time is at wasting.”

Cartman lays like a fat diva in Leo’s arms and coughs up blood.

He is such a dramatic bitch.

“His powers were too strong - the Bard. He's up in one of the rooms. They took Princess Kenny! They took her upstairs. I'm sure they're going to rape her. Don't let them rape Princess Kenny! Myehhh...”

….WHAT DID HE SAY?!

“N.K.?!”, shouts Leo surprised as he sees how fast I run out of the kitchen.

I don’t care what the bards say to the elves, I don’t care about their shitty barricades. Like I’m a raging tornado, I kick and slap anyone away, even this little elf fucker with a gasmask, who was probably a mini-boss, to reach my beloved princess.

I have to save her!

That’s the only thing on my mind!

I can hear the admiring ooh and aah of my comrades, but I don’t care as I run up the stairs and open the door where I hear Princess Kenny’s screams.

“KENNY, I’M HERE I WILL-“

I stop my screaming as I see the scene before me.

Princess Kenny is tied up…and one elf is jumping on the bed beside her up and down.

I blink.

One.

Two.

And three times.

“You fuckers had me really scarred!”, I shout angry, but glad that Kenny isn’t really raped.

I jump up to the bed, channeling my inner Cassandra from Assassin’s Creed Odyssey, and I Sparta kick the elf from the bed, knocking him out.

“My heroin!”, gushes the Princess. “You saved me!”

“Of course, my lady. I was so worried and scared for you.”, I admit as I free her from the bonds.

Princess Kenny doesn’t waste time and falls into my arms.

We hug each other tightly.

Then she pulls her parkor down, that her lips are free and we kiss each other softly on the lips.

Okay, it starts softly.

But I’m so full of adrenalin and so glad she is okay, that I pin her down on the bed and lick along her lips. Happily, she lets my tongue enter her mouth and our tongue wrestle with each other.

Damn!

I’m still in wonder, what I good kisser Kenny is. She makes you addicted to it.

I feel how her hands wander over my curves, but before it can escalate like it did after we saved Craig from detention, Leo enters the room.

“N.K. is the princess-! Oh, hamburgers! Sorry!”

We stop kissing and turn our heads in Leo’s direction.

Aww, it’s adorable how he has his hands over his eyes and blushes red like a tomato.

I give the Princess a quick peck, helping her up from the bed.

“It’s really not the time for that, my lady.”

“Sadly.”, she agrees.

Hand in hand we walk up to Leo.

“You can look again, Leo. Sorry, that you had to see this.”, I apologize to him.

Cutely he picks out from his hands, still blushing up a storm.

“I-It’s all right. Come the wizard king is waiting for us.”

The first thing King Assholes says to us as we join up with the others is: “Princess Kenny! How badly did they rape you?!”

“They didn’t rape her.”, I answer for my princess. “Also it’s not funny to make such jokes. Raping is one if not the worst thing that can happen to a girl. Some borders we shouldn’t cross.”

Cartman rolls his eyes.

“Damn not only a fag but you are also a feminist or what?”

“I’m bisexual you ignorant piece of shit and what if I’m?!”

Before I and this tub of lard can fight, Craig calls frustrated over: “I can't get through! The door appears to be enchanted so I can't turn the knob!”

Our fat king waddles over to the door. He tries to open it and then with his own staff knocks on the door.

“YOU CAN'T HOLD THE DOORKNOB, BARD! THAT'S CHEATING!”, he shouts.

“Yeah, I can.”, answered the bard smugly. “I have the Stick of Truth which means I control the universe, and I say holding the doorknob is okay.”

I can imagine the bard is also grinning smugly. I bit my lips to not laugh again. People who mess with Cartman are awesome in my eyes.

“UGH, can he do that??”, ask us Cartman.

Dude, didn’t you help to create this game? Why do you ask?

“He has the Stick of Truth, he can do what he wants.”, reminds Craig.

“DAMMIT! There's GOT to be another way into this room!”

Well, there is one.

Princess Kenny is pointing upwards to a trapdoor, where we can see an elf.

We nod to each other in understanding.

She uses her charm ability and like a horny horndog, the elf lets down the ladder to get down to touch Kenny’s boobs. Sadly for him, she knocks him out with her mirror.

“Good job Princess Gone Wild. Double D buddy powers.”, formally deadpans Cartman and starts to eat a pack of cheesy poops.

I just shake my head.

I don’t have words right now.

I give Kenny a kiss on the cheek, ruffle Leo’s hair, then head up the ladder.

In the attic are some elves and mice, but using the environment to my advance I finished them all off without starting a fight.

Now, how to get into the room where the bard is?

That’s when I note that some parts of the attic floor seem to be damaged already. I let the chest stored on a rickety metal shelf fall on them, which creates a hole.

Let’s hope it leads us to the bard.

I jump down.

I’m now in a boy’s bedroom and see the bard standing awkwardly with the Stick before the bed.

I just open the door to let the other in.

“You've nowhere to run, Bard!”, growls Cartman. “Give me the Stick of Truth.”

“Take it from me if you can, W-Wizard King. Step forward now, and fulfill your de- de- and fulfill your de-de-de... Step forward now and fulfill your de- Step forward now and fulfill your de-de... your de-e-e... your deee... Step forward now and fulfill your de-de... Your de... Your deeee...”

Again the bard stutters.

I purse my lips, waiting with the others that he gets it under control.

“Step forward now and fulfill your d-d-d-destiny!”

“You are no match for a Grand Wizard!”

“The Stick belongs with us! And I shall use every bardic power in my class to keep it from you!”

“Fine. You wanna throw down, brah? Kick his ass, Douchebag.”

Of course, I have to do the dirty work.

Urgh.

“Who is Douchebag?”, wonders the bard.

“It’s me!”, I raise my hand and get my wand out. “Fatass gave me the stupid nickname, please call me N.K.”

I and the bard ignore Cartman’s outrage scream and make ourselves battle ready.

Do I need to say that I won?

No?

Good.

Frowning I look down on the defeated bard. It was not fun at all hitting a disabled kid. I hope I don’t go to hell for that.

In triumph King Bouncy Stomach, even if I did all the work, takes the Stick back and raises it high above his head.

“The Stick is ours!”, he proclaims.

All cheer beside me.

Kenny sees that I’m pissed and gives me a soft cheek kiss.

Mmh, I already feel better.

With the Stick back in our hands we make haste to leave the Inn.

Back at Kupa Keep the Stick is back on the pillow and we all in celebration mood.

“Great job, men!”, praises us Cartman. That he can even do that, I’m surprised. “Douchebag, for your heroic deeds and valiant self-sacrifice at the great Battle of The Giggling Donkey, I hereby make you an official member of the Kingdom of Kupa Keep. Welcome to the KKK!”

…What a minute KKK?

Like the racists who wear these all-body white robes?

I can’t finish my thoughts, since Princess Kenny’s tackle-hugs me, which makes us sway, while the others applaud for me.

Oh well, whatever.

I laugh happily and twirl the Princess around.

If this doesn’t secure my place in this game then nothing will!

I’m ready to party with the others, sadly Mrs. Cartman opens the backdoor and calls out: “It's getting late. The Grand Wizard needs to go night-night.”

Cartman facepalms.

“Okay, Mom, thanks for pointing out bedtime for everyone.”

“It's a school night, hon. You and your little druid friends need to-“

“WE'RE NOT DRUIDS, MOM! WE'RE FUCKING WARRIORS AND WIZARDS!”

Damn son, he has really no respect for his mama.

At least Mrs. Cartman doesn’t let him get away with that this time.

She steps into the backyard.

“Oh, that's it! You're going to bed. The rest of you better get home too.”

No need to tell us twice.

So we all leave Cartman alone with his mom.

I wave goodbye at Token, Tweek, and Craig and they wave back before I turn to Leo and Kenny.

I go down on one knee and take my fair princess hand in mine.

“Blessed dreams I wish you, my princess, until tomorrow were we will see each other again.”

I kiss her hand, making her swoon.

“Till tomorrow beautiful, I will count the hours.”

As I stand up, she gives me a quick kiss on the lips and makes her way over to her home.

I grin like a lovesick fool.

“Aww, you two are cute.”, tells Leo.

I wrap my arm around his shoulders and we start to walk.

“Let’s go home, Leo.”

After returning to my new home, I took a long bath to relax from all the crazy happenings of the day.

Then my parents and I had some pizza delivered to us since my Mamma didn’t have the will or the power to cook after she and Papà unpacked all our stuff the whole day.

After dinner, my parents watched some rom-com, while I read one of my manga. I need to catch up on Demon Slayer before I continue watching the anime.

Soon it was time for bed.

I put on my P.J., a cute cat-themed one in pink, and cuddle up with my brown Teddy Bear in my bed.

Mamma opened the door to wish me good night.

“Goodnight princess. I hope you're as happy as we are. Everything is going to be better now that we're in this quiet little mountain town.”   

It’s far from quiet here, but well I had really a lot of fun today.

“Night, Mamma. Say goodnight to Papà for me.”, I yawn sleepy.

“Of course. Sweet dreams my little N.K.”

She closes the door as I close my eyes.

Aah, I earned some good night’s sleep, after all the quests I did today!

I wonder what tomorrow will bring, how the school will be.

I hope I find some friends in my grade too.

With a hopeful heart, I fall asleep.

Next

My Masterlist

Do you search for a specific fanfiction or a chapter you haven't read? Then this Masterlist will help you, with all the links to my stories!

Happy reading!

Yin and Yang

Change the Narrative/Complete

Making Waves/Complete

To Belong/Complete

Second Chance

The flap of a Butterfly wing

The Queens Gambit: Snippet Collection/Complete

The Queens Gambit: Prequel

The Queens Gambit: The Story

The Queen's Gambit: Season Zero

Obito's Hinata/Complete

Obaa-Chan VS Uselessness

Goddess of the Sun, Queen of the Stars

Nothing is True

Blood of my Blood

My Beloved: Nezuko KamadoXReader/Complete

Maiden of the Moon

The Fox and the Sun

Kill La Hero

A little bit of Fairy Dust

One Punch Girl!

You and I

Anomaly

Hippolyta/Complete

DBH Case File: Deviancy

Retribution

Demeter Somerset and the Ancient Magic

The Stick of Truth/Complete

Friendly Faces Everywhere

The Magician's Quest

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 7: I rather be on the Normandy

I’m on the Main Street in Seattle.

It looks like a goddamn war zone!

Screams and shouts can be heard around me.

Cars are on fire, buildings are half destroyed, and the military is here with tanks and all this shit.

I feel…tired.

So tired.

I have been fighting for a long time.

My breathing is rugged.

I don’t know how long I can still fight.

I look down at my hands.

They…

I’m…wearing white fingerless gloves.

They are ruffled on the edges, with a golden bracelet around them.

Drenched in blood…

With a gasp, I wake up and automatically search for my glasses to put on.

What the fuck?

What kind of fucked up dream was this?

I place my glasses back on my nose, looking around the room wildly.

Holy cow, why did my brain, dreamed up something like that?

I need to calm down.

It helps that I can see.

It’s okay.

I’m in my new room in South Park.

Not in a war-thorn Seattle!

Tired I rub my eyes.

Maybe I should get a glass of water. My heart is still pounding in my chest and I feel a bit dizzy.

Yeah, some water will do me good.

As I’m about to stand up, a freaky light from outside shines into my room.

“What the fuck?”, I mumble.

It gets even better, as my door slowly opens, and a motherfucking alien steps in!

But not a cool alien, like the ones in Mass Effect. Like a Turian or Asari, damn I would even take an Elcor, not this generic white-ass, huge-head alien!

I can’t even shout for my parents, as more motherfuckers enter and circle around my bed.

One alien sprays something in my face.

And I blank out.

Whatever stuff they gave me, it’s not that potent. I’m not entirely sedated.

Yes, I can’t move for shit, but I wake up for a few seconds, before blanking out again.

These stupid alien motherfuckers drag me by my feet through the woods of South Park, then through their ship.

What I see…oh god I wanna scream in fright.

They don’t wanna do this to me?

Or?!

OR?!

Mr. Mackey, Mr. Slave, and even Craig get propped by their asses with something which looks like a Dildo. Only Mr. Slave seems to enjoy it, even asking for a bigger one.

Oh hell no!

OH HELL NO!

Whatever sedative the aliens gave me, it’s starting to wear off, as they place and bind me on an alien-y table.

One alien pulls my pants and underwear down, which is when I start to completely freak out.

“NO, NO, NO, NO! UNHEAD ME YOU HEATHENS! I DON’T WANNA GET PROBED IN THE ASS!”, I scream scarred.

Not that the aliens care what I feel and think.

They ready their Dildo-Probe-Machine.

Oh god!

I need to get out!

So I do what I never thought I would willing to do if I have other options. Sadly right now I don’t have any.

I let out a huge Dragenshout.

This confuses the aliens, one even throws up, but they continue.

“NO, NO!”

Fat tears fall from my eyes.

I don’t want this!

I already feel violated!

I need to free myself, I need…

That’s when I feel how power is cursing through my body. It has slowly built itself up, I realize.

I don’t know what it is, yet I don’t care.

Something tells me it will help me.

With an angry scream, I let the energy curse through my whole body.

It feels… familiar.

Like I did this a hundred times.

I feel how my hair changes, my clothes…

I feel stronger than ever!

“HIYAH!”, I shout and manage to free myself from the bindings.

I make a backflip from the table, floating down on the ground.

“YOU GENERIC ALIEN ASSHOLES WILL PAY FOR WHAT YOU NEARLY DID!”

Golden energy forms at my hands and with that I shot at all the aliens, till only ashes remain of them.

I even destroy the Dildo-Machine.

Only a strange little eyeball-probe-thingy remains from it.

Frowing I walk over to it to pick it up.

I note how my steps make click-clack sounds as if I was wearing heels.

I squeeze the eyeball-probe-thingy. A little satellite comes out of it and seems to react to another probe-thingy in the room.

Huh?

Interesting.

“Is this your first time getting abducted?”, asks me a male voice.

Surprised I turn around.

I didn’t even note that in the room I am another table is placed. On it older gentleman with black hair and a mustache, wearing a blue P.J. is bonded.

“Erm yes.”, I answer, confused about how he can be so calm about all this shit.

“Yeah, it's a pain, but this is the kind of stuff you put up with living in a remote little mountain town.”, he says. “At least we don't have to deal with traffic.”

I frown.

“I rather deal with traffic than whatever that all was.”

“Understandably, the aliens only recently started to abduct women to.”, explains to me the man.

My frown deepens.

“They are some sick motherfuckers. You have to endure this for years?”

He nods.

I sign.

“Well, I’m Novella-Karin, but most people call me N.K. What’s your name, sir?”

“I’m Randy Marsh, kiddo and I must say your Dragenshout was really potent, but whatever transformation you have gone through was even cooler.”, he tells me grinning.

…What?

Confused I look down at myself.

I’m not wearing my pink cat P.J., no, I look like a Magical Girl!

My hair is pink in long pink pigtails, and on my head is a crown I think, as I touch it. I have puffy white sleeves and a ruffled white hemline. I wear a soft pink corsage, a short white skirt and over it cut in the middle a long soft pink skirt, which flows down till the floor. I’m also wearing white stockings with ruffled soft pink edges and white-gold ballerinas.

My hands…white ruffled cloves with golden bracelets…

Why are they so familiar?

And how did I manage to transform myself?!

I don’t even need my glasses anymore, they have completely vanished!

Right now I would love to freak out, but being still a prisoner on an alien ship is not the best time.

I need to get out of here, then when I’m back home I can have my crisis.

“Mr. Marsh.”, I turn to my cellmate. “Do you perhaps know how to get out of here?”

“Sure, kiddo, but I'm surrounded by some kind of force field.”, he points out. Oh right, I see it now too. “Go find a way to shut it off. When you break me free I can show you how to get off the ship!”

“Consider it done!”

With that, I use the little eye-probe-thingy to teleport me out from the forcefield.

Before I step out of the room, I turn to Mr. Marsh: “Sir, can you please keep it a secret that I’m basically a Magical Girl? I don’t think it would do me any good if people know this.”

“No problem, kiddo. I will wait for you here.”

I nod and step finally out.

I’m now in a corridor.

A lone alien stands there and as he sees me, I kid you not, he walks over to a fire alarm, pulling it.

Now there is a laser barrier and behind it await three aliens for me.

That’s when I hear whimpering from the room beside the room I was in.

It sounds…female!

Faster than lighting I enter the room.

I see a crying brunette girl with blond streaks who seems to be my age and some alien fucker who tries to probe her!

Not on my watch!

I call for the power in me. Shooting them with the golden light orbs, turning them into ashes.

Surprised the girl looks up, still sniffling.

“Hey all good, I will help you get out of it!”, I promise her.

Thank the lord there is no forcefield around her, so I can just free her from her bindings.

I help her get down from the table and turn around as she pulls her underwear and pants back up.

“T-Thank y-you!”, she whimpers. “I really thought they would rape my ass.”

“It’s no problem, these aliens are sick fucks!”

She nods.

“I’m Tammy. Tammy Warner. And who are you? You look like a Magical Girl, a bit like one of Pretty Cure.”

Aww, another anime fan, that’s awesome!

“I wish we would have met under better conditions.”, I tell her. She nods agreeing. “I’m…Novella-Karin or just N.K. I don’t have a cool Magical Girl name since it’s the first time I transformed…I think.”

Tammy raises an eyebrow.

“You think?”

“Meh, I have blanks in my memory. I don’t know why. Has been like this since I can remember.”, I explain to her. “So could have I transformed already and I forgot? I really don’t know.”

“Wow, that sucks.”

“Indeed.”

We smile in understanding at each other.

“Anyway, you should stay here. I don’t think the aliens will come back. I will find a way to free us all from this nightmare.”

“What? Are you insane?”, she shouts surprised. “You wanna face the aliens alone? Don’t take this the wrong way N.K., but if you are really a novice or just simply forgot your powers, then you will get your ass handed to you. Or worse you will transform back randomly and then don’t know how to transform again!”

I wince at this.

Tammy has some good points.

But…

“I’m the only one who can face the aliens.”, I remind her. “It’s a risk I have to take to free us all.”

The brunette with the blonde streaks shakes her head and then cracks her fingers. She looks like she is ready to kick some ass.

“You don’t have to. I may not look like it, but I started with karate a few months ago. I can give you back up with this motherfucker alien kidnappers!”

Dear heaven, she looks so hot right now and so sure of herself, that I get weak knees. I love girls who can dish out!

“Let me guess, even if I say no, you would just follow me.”

She gives me a wide grin.

“Yes.”

I expected it. Tammy is my kind of girl and I know how they are.

Still, I sign.

“All right, but you listen to me and don’t take any unnecessary risk, understood? You take out the simple ones, I take the dangerous ones.”, I make myself clear.

Playful Tammy salutes.

“Yes, Commander!”

I snort and take her hand to lead her out of the room.

I hope I won’t regret that.

We are back in the corridor…and the aliens still stand behind the laser barricade.

Don’t tell me they actually waited for us.

Damn son, in what kind of fever dream are we?

I use my eye-probe-thingy to teleport us to the aliens.

Of course, a battle starts and we are again in Final Fantasy!

Even the aliens participate in the RPG?! I ask how, HOW, is this possible.

Anyway, Tammy and I kick their asses.

She didn’t lie about doing karate. She packs quite a punch. If we are already in Final Fantasy, her moves remind me of Tifa Lockheart.

Well, better for us.

We ransack the aliens and find a laser gun by them.

Without a word, I throw it at Tammy.

She looks at it in confusion.

“What’s this?”

“Not that your karate moves are golden, but you need something if we can only long-range the aliens.”

“Good point.”

Tammy puts the laser gun on her back.

We turn to the elevator.

I sure hope it doesn’t has the elevator machine from Mass Effect! Amazing game, but that always drives me mad. How can it take so long?!

Over the elevator is a little screen where the still prisoned Mr. Marsh appears.

“Oh hey, there you are. And you found a friend! Oh, yeah. Yep. That's the lambda containment block.”, he tells us. “Take that elevator next to you. The probe you have on you SHOULD interface with it.”

Not like we have another choice. So I use my alien probe thingy and success! The elevator opens for us.

Thankful it’s not like the one in Mass Effect and we reach fast the next level on the spaceship.

While Mr. Marsh, thanks to all the screens in this big ass room, directs us through the dungeon to find the security console, Tammy and I get to know each other.

“So how old are you?”

“I’m eleven and you?”

“Same! Then you must be the New Kid who is joining our class.”

“Cool! It’s nice to have made a friend already, even if we meet in such a fucked up way.”

“Who are you telling this?”

We find the first console, but it doesn’t free Mr. Marsh. We continue on.

“I love your pink hair! Is it natural or thanks to your transformation?”

“Transformation, but I dig it. Pink is my fav color.”

“Oh my god girl same!”

“I also love your hair. The blond streaks are nice.”

“Aww, thanks! What is your natural hair color?”

“I’m brunette too.”

“Cool!”

After we defeated some aliens we reach the second console to try to free Mr. Marsh.

Let’s just say Tammy and I are scarred for life now. The buttons flashed so fast and violently that I didn’t get behind them. I’m so sorry Mr. Marsh!

“Was South Park always this fucked up or did it become so only because I moved her.”

“No, it was always crazy here. You get used to it one day. Still, I didn’t need to see THAT!”

“Who are you telling this? What’s with aliens and probing us in the ass?”

In the end, we have to face off against the tough aliens on the bridge, but Tammy and I make a good team and defeat them quickly.

Finally, it’s the right console and the force shield is down!

“Hey, you girls did it!”, celebrates Mr. Marsh. “The force field's down. Come on back and we can get outta here.”

“Nothing we would like more.”, Tammy and I say together and then grin at each other.

Oh, I have a feeling this whole dungeon gifted me a friendship of a lifetime.

We return back where we come from, but the pit is open now.

Tammy crosses her arms and cocks a hip out.

“Let me guess, you trophy hunter, wants to get down there!”

“Tam, we found the cool space suit you are wearing, and the audio logs were hilarious I must know if there is more.”

She grins at the nickname I gave her, yet also rolls her eyes.

“Okay, okay, let’s get down there. A few minutes longer Mr. Marsh can wait.”

And we do just that.

Score!

There is another audio log!

I press play and we listen.

“Success! I found something that looks to be food! It's some sort of green, fluorescent goo... I'm- I'm gonna have to try and eat some... It's not so bad. It's tangy and nutty, would probably go well with a- l- w-hey, what's happening to me? What's it-“

Confused we look at each other.

Did our audio log friend start to talk in German or was I imagining it?

“Come N.K. let’s get out of here. This place gives me the creeps.”, admins Tammy shaking.

I agree, but before we can get out, we get attacked.

By a…green zombie-like German hobo???

What. The. Fuck?!

This night turns out to be the weirdest in my whole life!

Anyway, we defeat the hobo and get out of the pit as fast as we can.

“I need a long shower!”, shudders Tammy. “That was nasty!”

“Again I say it these aliens are freaks. What the hell was that?!”

“Don’t know, don’t care. Come on, N.K. let’s free Mr. Marsh and then get out of here. I’m done with this spaceship.”

Couldn’t agree more.

Easily we free Mr. Marsh and he jumps up from the table in joy.

“Ah! Oh! Oh, you did it! Thanks, kiddo! I don't know who you are or if you're real, but consider me... your friend. Until we meet again!”

And with that, he leaves us!

Tammy and I blink, look at each other, and then back at the door Mr. Marsh runs out.

“Don’t tell me an adult just left us here?!”, I shriek angrily.

I thought we would flee together since he knows how do to it!

My new friend signs and blows a strain of her hair from her face.

“You know, I don’t know why I even was surprised. The adults in this town, let us kids hanging every time. We have to take care of our own problems.”, she deadpans.

I facepalm.

“South Park is fucked up.”

“Preach it, sis.”

I put my hands on my waist and walk around thinking.

“Okay, what should we do now, any ideas?”

Tammy crosses her arms.

“Well, we need to get out…”, she frowns, but seems to have an idea. “Okay, that mind sound crazy, but what about if we kidnap the ship and make it fly back to South Park?”

I stare surprised at her, which makes her blush.

“What?”

“Are you saying we should pull a GTA on the aliens and take the ship for us?”

“Erm…yes?”

“Sis, let’s do this! That idea is amazing!”

I take her hand and we run out of the room after we picked up the shiny crystal of course. It’s pretty!

We turn to the elevator that we didn’t use and at least Mr. Marsh is so nice to tell me via Facebook that this is the way out.

But since Tammy and I are going to pull a GTA, we use to Elevator to travel to the cockpit.

I shit you not two aliens dressed like normal pilots on Earth navigate it.

I would have laughed if Tammy and I didn’t need concrete to kick their asses.

These assholes have a machine with them which gives them shields.

So we take out the machine before we beat up the pilots.

After we won, each of us girls sits down in one pilot seat and we try to understand how to fly the ship.

Okay, we are smashing buttons and pulling levers.

Not like we can read the aliens writing.

If we are talking about incomprehensible things, why make the alien’s cow noises?

What’s up with that?

“Okay, maybe that wasn’t such a good idea!”, admins Tammy, trying to pull the spaceship up.

“Not like we had other choices!”, I remind her, also trying to pull the ship up.

We manage to fly it over the South Park Mall and that’s when all goes to shit.

I don’t know what we did wrong, but the ship is falling and will crash into the mall!

If I don’t think of something we are going to die!

Again it’s like my body and mind know what to do.

I take Tammy’s bridal style and spit from my mouth a large golden orb. It destroys the spaceship shell.

Then I jump out from the falling spaceship and…float in the air!

With wide eyes and mouths Tammy and I watch how the spaceship completely destroyed the South Park Mall.

Thank the lord that my subconscious or whatever knew what to do or we would be crispy toast now.

I hope there wasn’t anyone more on the ship.

“Damn son.”, curses Tammy and grips me tighter.

“I want to add a fucking, a damn fucking son to it.”

Slowly I fly us down to the ground.

That’s when in a flash my Magical Girl transformation wears off and I’m back to normal N.K. with glasses and all.

“Cute glasses and cute P.J.”, compliments me, Tammy.

I can’t help but laugh.

Tammy joins me after a second.

What a crazy night!

“Okay, that’s where I live.”, I tell Tammy.

She lives further down the street and insists that I should get home first since I’m practically a walking corpse after using my Magical Girl form.

Okay, she is right.

I can barely stand on my legs and shake uncontrolled. If she hadn’t held me I would have faceplanted a lot of times.

“Your house is nice.”, she says. “You think you can manage to go to your room?”

“Don’t worry, you helped me a lot to drag my ass back here. I can manage the last meters.”, I reassure her.

We hug each other and share our Facebook and smartphone numbers.

“You message me when you are home!”, I remind her.

“You message me when you are in your room.”, she also reminds me.

In agreement we shake hands, then we hug each other again and anyone for themselves makes their way to their home.

With my last force, I enter my bedroom and fall on my bed tired.

I’m so exhausted!

Sleeping Beauty did the right thing.

I could also sleep for 100 years.

Still, I find the force to text Tammy that I’m safe in my room and she texts back that she is in hers also.

At least we both are save home now.

With a groan, I roll myself in my blanket and close my eyes.

It’s going to be so hard to wake up tomorrow or should I say today for school.

Stupid kidnapping aliens that had to come in the middle of the night!

The only good things in this whole messed up adventure was meeting Tammy and…realizing I’m a Magical Girl.

…Oh yeah, there was that!

Didn’t I want to freak out about that?

I mean, I don’t know where these powers suddenly came from. No cat gave me a brooch, I just transformed alone.

…Meh, fuck it, I’m too tired for a crisis.

Future N.K. shall take care of this.

With that, I fall asleep for the second time.

Next

N.K. Magical Girl-Form

Here is N.K. transformed from my South Park FF. I used the Glitter Cure Maker to make this.

All credits to them.

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 8: Your Guide to Be a Goth

In the morning I wake up, thanks to my ringing smartphone.

I blink sleepily and yawn.

I feel like a trunk hit me.

Urgh.

Wondering who is calling me, I pick up the phone.

I grunt a greeting.

“N.K.? Are you okay? You sound pissed off.”, say’s a female voice.

I need a second to register, who is talking to me.

Oh right, there was the space adventure I had last night!

“Tammy, hi sis!”, I say back. “Sorry, I’m still half asleep.”

“Yeah, I feel you. I called you to check if you are doing okay?”

“I should ask you that. You nearly got ass raped.”

I can imagine that she is making a face.

“Don’t remind me. Anyway, school got canceled for the next few days. My mom told me there was a huge earthquake!”

That’s interesting.

I sit up on the bed and put my glasses on.

“I have the feeling we caused the earthquake with the crash landing we did.”, I tell her.

“Same.”, she agrees. “I hope no one finds out. Since we are free, do you wanna do something today?”

Aww, did I hear right? Tammy wants to spend the day with me!

“Girl, I’m so on board. When should we meet up?”, I ask excitedly.

“Well, the mall is out of the question how about after lunch we meet at Tweek Bro’s?”

Now I make a face.

“Tam, they put drugs in the coffee, let’s not!”

“For real? Thank the lord I never drank any. Okay, how about cinema? We could watch a movie.”

“That’s a plan. Let’s do this.”

We agree on a time and then hung up.

Happily, I jump out of bed and start my morning routine. You know washing and then dressing.

Humming the first opening of Demon Slayer I make my way to the kitchen.

“Morning Mamma, morning Papà!”, I greet my parents.

Papà is reading the newspaper, while Mamma is making pancakes.

Oh yes, this day starts awesome!

“Morning my princess.”, greets Papà back.

“Sit down N.K., the pancakes are nearly done.”, informs Mamma.

Grinning I give her a cheek kiss and then Papà one as I sit down on the table with him.

Mamma serves the pancakes and we dig in.

My parents tell me as Tammy did, that school got canceled for a few days. They tell me to enjoy this extra free time and to make new friends.

Well, I sure will get to know better Tammy and there are also Kenny and my other fourth-grade buddies.

We will probably still play our RPG.

I wonder if I somehow I can convince them to let Tammy join? Would she even want that? I mean we kicked ass together on the alien ship, but LARPing is something different.

I will ask her when I meet up with her.

For now, I’m done with my breakfast and ask my parents if I can watch some TV.

They permitted it.

Awesome!

I think I’m going to watch some Naruto. I grave some cool Ninja action!

The TV is on the news channel of South Park, before I can switch to Crunchyroll, I hear from the news anchor: “…And that a large earthquake and several fires in the South Park area last night woke many residents from their sleep. Here with a report is a midget in a bikini.”

What?!

They really switch to a midget in a bikini, who is standing behind a large crowd, and…oh there is the spaceship Tammy and I crashed! It’s hardly hiding with these few pieces of clothing they put over it.

I need to know, what they know. Not that suddenly the FBI is before our door and throws me and Tammy in jail or some shit!

So I continue watching.

The midget reports: “Tom, government workers here are assuring everyone nothing out of the ordinary has happened. They claim that the only reason huge tents have gone up to cover this area is to mask the construction of a new Taco Bell which will open sometime later this month.”

….Please tell me I didn’t hear what I heard?! I mean yeah for me and Tammy, but no one can be this stupid and not see that this is a UFO?!

Also, why does the government hide it?

Oh wait, that’s the USA of course they would cover it up.

“Thanks, Midget, I do love me some Taco Bell.”, says the news anchor. Oh my lord, are the adults in this town really that dumb?! “The mayor of South Park states that last night's tremors and fires are under control and that hopefully schools and businesses can open again soon.”

I can just facepalm at this whole stupidity.

I just can’t with South Park.

Where the fuck did my parents moved us?!

Not that I’m glad that Tammy and I aren’t going to get punished for the UFO crash, it’s just….aargh!

I don’t even have words.

That’s when someone knocks on our door.

Wondering who it is I open it and…. yippie it’s Lord Big Stomach.

Can you feel how happy I am?

No?

Neither I.

“Cartman what-“, I can’t even ask him what he wants, since he starts to yell.

“AGHGH!! MY GOD!! They came outta nowhere!”

“Who came out of nowhere?!”

“There was a huge earthquake and then, and then and then there was burning in my yard!”

“That doesn’t really explain what do you want?”

 “You don't understand.”

I’m getting really tired of this shit!

“Spit it out, Cartman!”

“The elves... THEY TOOK THE STICK! And it's BULLSHIT because that is TOTALLY CHEATING! We specifically said no trying to take the Stick at night! Elves are DIRTY LITTLE LIARS! And we have to lay waste to their ENTIRE BASE!”

He is huffing and puffing and if I was the bigger person I should offer him the couch and ask if he needs a glass of water.

But since I’m petty, I will not.

Suffer asshole.

“So you are telling me the elves used the earthquake to steal the Stick of Truth at night which is against the rules.”, I sum it up.

“YES!”, Fatass yells.

Damn, he is angry! Maybe he will get a stroke and we are free from him!

Ding dong, the wicked Wizard King is dead!

Okay, I shouldn’t joke about it, just I really, really hate Cartman.

“Well my king do we have a plan besides burning down the elven kingdom?”, yet I still ask.

Hey the RPG is fun.

Even with Lord I-can’t-see-my-feets.

“Yes, I have!”, he begins. “You have some incredible qualities to make friends quickly, Sir Douchebag. I'm sending you on a quest to go out into the lands of Zaron and recruit a whole 'nother FACTION to Kupa Keep. Find the goth kids and give them this letter.”

I stare at the piece of paper in my hand. My experience with goth kids tells me, they won’t join thanks to the way it’s written and the crude drawing of an evil elf.

That’s still too conformatistic for them.

From where did I know this? When I lived in New York I had a goth girl in my class. She was pretty and I tried to hit on her.

I learned fast that my charms don’t work on goths.

So I needed I know a new way, which lead me to learn a bit about goth culture.

Let’s just say what I learned turned me away from the girl.

That is really not my sub-culture I’m happy to be an otaku.

“Get them to join our kingdom and we shall lay waste to the Drow Elves once and for all!”, commands King It’s-a-wonder-I-don’t-have-diabites.

“Can I first get dressed in my Stick of Truth get up?”

“Oh, sure.”

With that, he waddles out of my house cursing the elves.

Damn, today is going to be a long day, I can just feel it.

I hope I can manage to watch the movie with Tammy.

Better I get dressed fast and make the goth joins us.

Somehow.

I feel already a headache forming.

Urgh.

Back in my Link cosplay I step out of the house.

I’m sad that I can’t put on my Dark Magician Girl cosplay, since I don’t think it’s time to let on Cartman the bomb drop that I’m a girl.

He is already angry enough today.

“Hello my dear mage!”, greets me the lovely voice of my fair princess. “I hope you had pleasant dreams.”

I grin and we hug each other. Then I pull her hood down, so I can give her a sweet morning kiss.

Princess Kenny formally purrs. She licks along my lips, begging for entrance and I open my mouth to welcome her sweet tongue.

Oh yes!

That’s what I need right now!

We kiss for a few minutes till I stop it with a kiss on her cheek.

“This is an awesome way to start the day, my beloved princess. Be assured that all my dreams were about you!”, I flirt.

Princess Kenny smiles happily and gives me another kiss.

“Glad to hear that, babe.”

I can’t help but blush at the nickname. I like being called babe.

I find it hot.

“My lady be assured that I would love to kiss you the whole day, but I got a new quest from Wizard Fatass.”, I explain to her.

She takes my hand, nodding.

“I know. I will be your buddy. Butters wanted to lead you to the goth kids, but I won at Rock-Paper-Scissors.”

I giggle and we start walking.

“Can’t get enough of me, my princess?”

“You know it, hot stuff.”

Now we giggle together.

At least I have Kenny on my side today.

This makes this whole quest 1000 times better.

Okay, I really thought my princess would lead me to the cemetery.

The goths I meet liked to spend their time there.

But the school?

…Well, someone said once that school sucks your soul out. Don’t remember who.

That is pretty goth, I think.

Already gothic music greets us from behind the school, where the South Park goth kids like to hang out.

I can also smell cigarettes.

Yeah, we are in the right place.

I walk up to the four smoking goth kids.

Two are clearly fourth graders. The one with the black and red hair and the only girl in the group.

Another boy is clearly in my grade, but I’m surprised to see a little kindergarten child with them.

And he is also smocking.

I know, live and let live, but that’s not okay that practically a baby smokes.

What even lets someone so young join the goth culture?

“Who's that?”, drags me back from my thoughts the voice of the black-red-haired goth.

“I think it's that new kid people are talking about.”, answers him the girl goth.

“Beat it, New Kid, this area is strictly for goth kids.”, tells me the fifth grader goth.

I roll my eyes at them.

“I have eyes, you know.”, I sass back. “And also a name. I’m N.K. and I’m here to give you this.”

I hand black-red hair goth Cartman’s letter. He hands it to the girl and she to the fifth grader goth.

He is probably their boss or something.

“Join the Kingdom of Kupa Keep to battle the wicked elves. All recruits welcome.", he reads aloud.

With a huff, he crumpled up the letter and throws it away.

“Sorry, Galadriel, we don't play Dungeons and Douchebags.”

“Yeah, beat it, New Girl.”

I can’t help but roll my eyes.

“I have a name, you know?”

At least they can also see I’m a girl.

Also, I fucking know it wouldn’t work out!

“Aw, come on, let's do it.”, begs surprisingly the kindergarten goth. “We never do anything.”

“No WAY! We can't do what this kid asks us to do! She's a conformist! Look at her clothes and her hair!”, disagrees boss goth.

“I would more say I look like Link from Breath of the Wild which makes me a Cosplayer/Otaku but whatever.”, I call in between.

My correction gets ignored.

What nice people!

Black-red-haired goth turns to me saying: “Yeah, tell you what, New Girl. Get the right clothes and some cigarettes and coffee and then talk to us again.”

“Yeah, if you wanna prove you aren't a conformist then you need to look exactly like we do.”, agrees Boss Goth. “Then MAYBE we'll consider hanging out with you.”

Do I even have another choice?

Then it’s time to turn Goth.

I rejoin my princess, who had waited at the little fence door for me, and call over my back to the Goths: “I will be back.”

“Coffee, cigarettes, and some goth clothes.”, repeats Princess Kenny, what I told her what I need to show the Goth kids I’m not a conformist. “Well coffee, we could get from Tweek Bro’s, and the clothes, there is an old hobo by U-Store-It who sells some. Cigarettes could be a problem. We might need to steal them from someone.”

I snort and squeeze her hand.

“I pretty much ransacked any house here, a pack of cig’s I didn’t find.”

She hums thoughtfully.

“I don’t like to say it.”, she starts with a frown. “But I know the six graders smoke, we could get the cigarettes from them.”

“By asking?”

“I think, we need to beat them up.”

“This quest is already a headache.”

We both sign.

I lead Kenny to my house. She gives me a couries look.

“I’m not drinking any of the drug coffee of Tweek Bro’s.”, I explain. “I think we have some really dark coffee.”

She nods in understanding and we enter my home. My princess looks around, while I lead her to the kitchen.

Funny, Mamma is currently drinking a cup of coffee.

“Hey my princess, what are you doing here?”, she ask. “And who is your little girlfriend.”

“Hey Mamma, that’s Princess Kenny the fairest maiden in all the kingdom.”, I present her.

Cutely Kenny curtesy before Mamma, which makes her coo.

“Aww, what a cute Princess you are.”

Kenny mumbled a thank you.

“I grave some coffee, Mamma. Do we have some extra dark?”, I ask her.

Mamma hums. She puts down her own coffee and searches the shelves for it.

“I think your Papa brought some…”, she trails off as she finds the package. “N.K., this is really potent I will make you only a little thermos and no more coffee for the day, understood?”

I sign but accept Mamma’s condition.

Not like we have another way to get extra dark coffee as I said I wouldn’t buy anything from Tweek Bro’s.

After Mamma heads me the thermos with the extra dark coffee, she hands Kenny and me some chocolate chip cookies as snacks.

We thank her and munching on the cookies we leave my house.

“Hey, there he is! New Kid!”

Outside are waiting for us four elves.

I protective stand before my Princess, sending them glares.

It’s weird that they aren’t attacking us.

“What do you elves want?”, I growl at them.

“New Kid, the Elf King has requested your presence.”, explains one of the elves. “You can either come quietly or you can fight. But I warn you, fighting this fight at this point in the game is a complete waste of time and you might as well skip it and just come with us.”

….Okay, this is surprising. Didn’t expect that. But…this could be worth it to get information on the elves.

“N.K.?”, whispers Princess Kenny worried.

I lick my lips and turn to her.

“Return to Kupa Keep my princess, I will see what the Elf King wants. Don’t worry about me.”

“Are you insane?!”, shouts Kenny at the same time as an elf say’s: “You chose wisely, New Kid. Come with us.”

The elf binds my arms behind my back. The four elves lead me away from Princess Kenny who is shouting my name.

I hope I made the right decision.

Some elf is playing the drum as another elf is leading me with a lance in my back through the Elven Kingdom.

I have to admit the Elven Kingdom looks 100000 times better than Kupa Keep.

It’s so beautiful here.

We stop before the throne and…all air leaves my lungs.

On the throne sits a handsome red-haired boy with forest green eyes wearing a red and golden robe with a branch crown over his green ushanka.

I turn embarrassingly red and feel hot.

No, no, no, no!

That’s not fair that my enemy is my type!

Damn, how I wish now to be wearing my beautiful Dark Magician Girl cosplay, to show what a pretty girl I am and not my Link cosplay who hides my gender.

Mostly.

The elf king frowns at me, damn even that looks good on him, and turns to his right side, where a warrior with a blue helmet, a green cloak, a brown sleeveless shirt, and some blue jeans stands.

They two whisper with each other, sending me looks, which turns me even more into a tomato.

What the heck are they talking about and what’s with these looks?

The drum finish playing.

All is still in the kingdom.

I only hear my own beating heart, as the Elf King speaks to me: “So... you're the new kid everyone is talking about. What's your name?”

Before I can answer, the elf with lance answers him: “He doesn't talk, Elf King, he thinks he's hot shit or something.”

The king and the blue helmet elf, I bet it’s his right-hand man, share a look.

They seem to understand each other without words.

I wonder what they are discussing.

“I can talk.”, I say loud and clear and give my captor the evil eye. “I just didn’t want to talk to you.”

Lance-elf sends back an evil look, while the other elven are all whispering and mumbling at each other.

I can’t quite catch what they see, only that the word feminine and female fall often.

Regally the Elf King raises a hand to make them all stop.

And I get weak knee seeing what power he commands. Not only is he hot looking, but no his subject also respects him so much that a simple raised hand is all he needs to make them stop talking.

The Elf King gets hotter by the minute and I just wanna turn into goo.

Urgh I can’t take it!

“Would you talk to me, New Kid?”, he asked me directly.

God, these green eyes will be the death of me. So determined and strong.

Since I can’t trust my voice, I nod simply.

Something like a little smile forms on his face.

Even that is so attractive!

Aaah!

“What’s your name?”

I gulp and hope I don’t stutter.

“I’m…Novella-Karin, but people call me mostly N.K.”

Suddenly all the elven freakout, only the king and his right-hand men stay calm.

“A girl!”

“The Wizard King lets a girl play with them?!”

“Of course, she is a girl, she is too pretty to be a boy!”

That and other things get yelled.

Nice to know that there are more people with brains.

“Excuse me.”, I raise my voice above all, which surprisingly makes the eleven shut up. “Wizard Man Titty’s doesn’t know I’m a girl, he thinks I’m a dude, would be really awesome if you all could keep it to yourself.”

The right-hand man snorts, and the Elf King smirks, fuck that’s hot, while the rest of the elven laugh.

“G-Good n-nickname for the W-Wizard King.”, tells me a familiar voice.

I can’t help but smile as I see the Bard walking up to us.

“Hello Mister Bard, nice to see you again.”, then embarrassed I add. “I hope I didn’t hurt you too bad yesterday.”

“D-Don’t w-worry, m-m-my lady. N-Nothing an l-l-level 10 Bard like me c-can’t h-handle. I’m Jimmy, b-by the way.”, he tells me.

I nod smiling.

That’s when the Elf King steps behind me and frees me from my binding. I shiver as I feel his warm hands on my pulse. How I wish they would me touch everywhere.

“Lady N.K.”, he formally whispers in my ear, and…goddammit whatever he wants from me, I will do it. I’m already putty in his hands. “I think we need to talk about some things.”

With that he gestures for me to follow him, his right-hand men and Bard Jimmy right behind us.

Time to finally find out what the handsome Elf King wants from me.

Next

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 9: There is always more than one way

The handsome Elf King and his two followers, his right-hand men and Bard Jimmy, lead me inside the house and we are now sitting face to face on the dining table.

Well me and the king.

His followers flank him on each side.

I took off my blond Link wig.

I don’t see any more reason to hide behind it if they already know my true gender.

Also, I want that the Elf King sees ME not my cosplay.

I have a feeling, he likes what he sees, without sounding arrogant. He looked interested in my brunette bob cut.

Maybe he has a thing for brunettes?

I really hope so.

Damn, I’m so nervous.

This is so different than with Kenny.

Why does red hair make me crazy? Why?

“Lady N.K., before I tell you why I wanted to speak to you let me introduce myself and my loyal ranger.”, starts the Elf King. “I’m Kyle and he is Stan. Jimmy, you already know.”

Kyle…

His name is Kyle.

It fits him so much.

I gulp and pray I don’t stutter.

“Pleased to meet you, King Kyle and Ranger Stan, as you know I’m mage N.K.”

Yeah, I didn’t stutter!

“Nice to meet you too dude, erm my lady.”, greets me, Stan. “I was curious to know who gave my man such beatings. You really look as tough as they said.”

I laugh and wave it away.

“You honor with your words, noble Ranger.”

“Now that pleasantries are out of the way, I would really like to talk to you Lady N.K.”, says King Kyle, his green eyes seem to look into my soul.

I feel…naked.

Vulnerable.

Not a lot of people made me ever feel this way.

Kyle is really something special.

Damn…I will probably really do whatever he says just to get in his good graces and hopefully snatch him up!

Why I’m such a thirsty hoe?

Why?

My hormones are bitches!

“I’m listing, your highness.”, I manage to get out my lips.

“I want to be truthful to you, so you know you can trust my words.”, he begins. “Bard Jimmy reported to us yesterday that the new mage of Kupa Keep is a girl and that Wizard Fatass doesn’t know it. But Stan and I wanted to see you for ourselves. We are quite surprised that you are indeed a girl.”

“Yeah, Leo, erm, Butters told me the girls of South Park don’t really play games with you. But I’m not a native from here.”, I remind him.

He nods.

“Indeed, you are different.”, he continues. “You are a powerful warrior as Stan already said. It’s a waste of your potential to be on Wizard Fatass’s side.”

Okay, I dig it that Kyle thinks I’m a powerful warrior, but also….

“You make me sound like a weapon.”, I point out. “A weapon you want to defeat Cartman with.”

Stan and Jimmy share a look, while Kyle’s beautiful eyes light up.

Damn, so hot!

“You aren’t only strong in body, but you possess a sharp mind. You could be so much more than be Cartman pawn.”

“I’m no one’s pawn. The human recruited me first and I made friends with them. I feel offended been called Fatass Pawn. He can suck my non-existed dick!”, I make myself clear.

“And yet you do what he says.”, counters Kyle. “We tracked a Twitter raven who says you are currently trying to recruit the goths for the Wizard and he told you sure that we have the Stick, he is lying!”

I frown.

How he words it…I don’t like it.

“Cartman is the one you should be fighting against. He's hiding the Stick -- which is cheating -- and acting all betrayed and sad to get you to recruit more people for him.”, adds Ranger Stan.

I look at the quiet Jimmy, who simply nods.

“King Kyle be frank with me, what do you want from me?”

“Lady N.K., do the right thing and recruit the Goth kids for US. Then we can ransack Cartman's stupid kingdom and get the Stick back once and for all.”

I let out a loud huff, cross my arms and sit back on my chair.

“Why should I? You could be lying. I hate Cartman, but I made friends in Kupa Keep.”, I respond. “Princess Kenny and Paladin Butters are most dear to me. Why should I risk their friendship for YOU? Do you have something to offer me which would be worth it?”

Hey, I try to be not that easy.

Also, it’s true.

I have Kenny and Leo and the other guys who are my friends.

Kyle may be hotter than the sun, but I don’t know him or his people. They were since I started the RPG the enemy.

“You really rather stay at Cartman’s side, even if he is a huge lying asshole, just for the Princess and the Paladin?!”, shouts Ranger Stan shocked.

He wants to add more, but Kyle raises a hand.

“Stan enough!”

“But-“

“No, she makes good points. Till now we were only enemies to her, you wouldn’t trust her either.”

The ranger frowns but nods at his king’s words.

Now the king turns back to me. Again his green eyes seem to look into me. I feel how I turn red and start to sweat.

Can he please stop that?!

I can’t think clearly when he looks at me like that.

Without looking away from me he says: “Stan, Jimmy, leave us. I want to talk to Lady N.K. alone.”

….Did I hear right?!

Alone.

The hot elf king wants to be alone with me?!

OH. MY. LORD!

My head is immediately in the gutter, while Stan and Jimmy leave us.

Still, with his brilliant eyes on me, King Kyle stands up from his sit and walks over to mine.

I’m a statue.

I can’t move.

My breath is heavy.

Now he stands before me.

Like this, me sitting he standing, Kyle is taller.

I look up at him with wide eyes.

“I have noted the way you look at me.”, he murmurs.

Softly he twirls a lock of my brown hair around his finger and something like a dying whale sounds comes out of my lips.

This makes him smirk….and yep my panties just dropped down the floor.

It should be illegal to have such an effect on people!

“Lady N.K., what I can offer you is simple.”

“W-What?”, I croak out.

“Me and my kingdom. Be my queen.”

HOLY. SHIT!

I gasp for air, and that’s when the king plants a short but hot kiss on my mouth. His tongue teasingly stroking mine.

And I’m done.

He got me.

I wrap my arms around his neck, not letting him get away and we kiss hot and wild.

I don’t know how he managed, and it turns me on even more, but he wraps his arms around my waist and places me on the table.

King Kyle lays with his full weight on me.

I feel anything.

Oh, this is heaven!

I wrap my legs around his waist and my hands stroke his beautiful red hair, while he kissed down my throat to my-

“Lady N.K. are you all right?”, brings me the voice of King Kyle back from my lust-filled daydream.

I don’t know if I should feel glad or disappointed.

It was going so well!

Goddammit, always at the best parts!

I can feel how hot my cheeks are while other parts of me are…well you can imagine.

Stupid hormones…

“Erm, yes, I’m okay, your highness.”, I answer him and fuck does my voice sound squeaky.

It’s embarrassing.

Kyle, who is still sitting innocently on his chair, raises an elegant eyebrow.

How he doesn’t believe it is formally written on his face.

“If you say so.”, at least he decides to let it drop it. He crosses his fingers with each other and leans on them. “Lady N.K. I know I ask you something impossible. You formed bonds in Kupa Keep, even with Wizard Fatass there.”

I nod in agreement.

“You have every right to distrust us, even if we really don’t have the Stick. Why should we reach out to you if we already have the Stick? I’m not power-hungry like Cartman.”, he explains. “If I had the Stick I would be perfectly content with it to help my people. Cartman on the other hand always wants more. He is a glutton in all things.”

I frown, but I can’t really detect a lie in all this. From what I expired myself from Cartman it would fit him.

“I want that you think for a second about what will happen when Cartman finds out you are a girl. He will banish you from time and space without even thinking that he let go of the best warrior we ever had here in Zaron and Larnion just because you are a girl. He wouldn’t care, but I would.”

“We are closing in on what you will offer to me if I join you, aren’t we?”, it’s not really a question.

King Kyle nods and stands up.

He crosses his hands behind his back, facing me.

“If you join the Eleven Kingdom, if you bring the Goth to us, if you swerve your loyalty to me, I promise you, that you can freely be yourself. No more hiding your true nature and I could protect you from Cartman banishment since you would belong to my people.”

Uff, that’s not a bad offer.

…Okay, if he would have offered me what I dreamed up, I wouldn’t even think about it. Being a queen to such a hot king would be amazing, but sadly the reality is another.

“I would lie if I say I wasn’t tempted.”, I admin truthful. “It sucks to be called Douchebag and hide that I’m a girl. I can’t stand Cartman and I really, really want to punch his stupid fat face in, but…I have friends in Kupa Keep as I said. I can’t betray them for my selfish desires.”

“Then you are a way better person than we all.”, he gives me a small smile.

Adorable!

Also, boy, I’m not that good. If you had pushed the right buttons I would have become a traitor.

Deep down I’m a selfish, power-hungry, thirsty hoe.

Maybe that’s why Kenny and I get along so well together.

She would have known what I wanted to be on her side.

Sign.

I stand up from my sit and bow before King Kyle.

“It was an honor to meet you, your Highness. If we had met earlier I would have stayed on your side for sure. But I belong to Kupa Keep, my loyalties lay there. I will find a way to handle King Cheesy Pops.”

The red-haired boy signs, but nods.

“I understand Lady N.K., I really wish you would reconsider, but I couldn’t betray my bonds either.”, he says. “But if you change your mind, we will take you in with open arms.”

“Thank you, your highness. I should go now.”

With that, I put my wig back on.

Time to return to reality.

Kyle steps beside me and escorts me the short way to the entrance door.

He opens the door for me.

“Mage N.K., even if we are on different sides, be assured that I and my people won’t tell your true gender to anyone. Your secret is safe with us.”

Thankful I smile.

“This means a lot, King Kyle. May your reign be long.”

“Thank you, I wish you the best with Fatass. It will not be simple.”

I step out of the door. With a last smile to the handsome Elf King, I leave the Eleven Kingdom.

I should join up again with Princess Kenny.

I should return to Kupa Keep.

I shouldn’t just answer the worrying text messages of my princess and my little brother.

But after what happened at the Eleven Kingdom I need time to think.

I’m happy that I didn’t listen to my hormones, who wanted to take a bit out of Kyle, yet I’m also sad.

Aargh, it’s a mess.

I like Kenny.

I truly do.

And she likes me too.

I should be happy with my decision to stay in Kupa Keep, sadly I just can’t.

Even with Kenny, even with all my friends, I can’t be truly myself because the head honcho aka. Cartman is a dick and hates girls and would kick me out without a second thought.

Now there is Kyle, my absolute dream boy, a noble King who would take me in, let me be who I am, and protected me, but I can’t also join him, because I don’t wanna betray my princess and little brother and I want more from Kyle then he wants to give me.

Again, aargh!

So, no, I can’t return to Kupa Keep till I can find a solution to this chaos that will make me happy.

It’s time to call the cavalry.

“Hey sis, I’m on my way to the cinema, what’s up?”

“Tam, can we meet at the park? I need someone neutral with a problem I have.”

“Uff, what a mess. Your life is complicated.”, concludes Tammy, after I told her the whole story.

We are sitting on a park bench in the playground of South Park. It could be nice to catch the sunray together and just talk about normal things, but I needed to tell Tammy my RPG-Life problems.

It was funny, how she had to take a look at me twice, seeing me in my Link cosplay, sadly the talking that followed was not.

Now I lay with my head on her shoulder, while she has wrapped an arm around me in comfort.

I feel defeated.

I feel hopeless.

I just don’t know what do to.

“Do you have any idea how I can fix this mess?”, I formally beg her.

She hums thoughtfully and strokes my hair. Aah, that’s a nice feeling. Something that I need right now.

“Well, the problem is clear, it’s Eric Cartman.”

“No shit, sis.”

“What about…if he wasn’t in the picture anymore?”

Couries I turn my head so that I can look up in her eyes. She has a mischievous light in them.

“What do you mean by that?”

Then Tammy tells me her plan.

And I can just applaud her.

“Oh hamburgers, I don’t know if we can do this N.K., like Eric will be so angry!”

Leo is scarred as I tell him the plan, me and Tammy came up, while Princess Kenny seems excited.

“I say we do it!”, shouts Princess Kenny full energy. “This will be the sweetest revenge on the fatass for all the shit he pulled in all these years!”

“But, but, he will be so angry at us!”

“Technically, we never said that it wasn’t allowed, so he can’t do anything.”

I nod in agreement at Princess Kenny’s words.

“My princess, do you think we can get the others on board?”

“Oh don’t worry your pretty little head over it, beautiful, that’s the easiest part!”

To say that the elven and their King are surprised to see me again in their Kingdom is an understatement.

Maybe it’s because I brought for this part Tammy along aka. she insisted on coming with me.

“Lady N.K.”, finds King Kyle his words again. “I didn’t expect you back…and in company.”

Tammy and I bow before him.

“King Kyle, this is Tammy, my best friend, and a damn good fighter.”

“We came here because we have planned something, which you surely will approve, your highness.”, flawless add Tammy like she does RPGs for ages.

“…I’m listing.”

With a huge smile, I make my way to the Goth kids.

Turns out Tammy’s father smokes, so she “borrowed” a pack of cig, and like Kenny said the hobo before U-Store-It sold Goth clothes, which I wear now.

The plan for Cartman is set in motion.

We only need the Goth kids and all will be ready!

This will be a piece of cake.

Words that I would soon regret.

Next

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 10: How to Sneak in on a super-secret government Meeting

I had time today and thought let’s write this chapter in one go! It’s a bit short, like Chapter 9, but these two chapters are there to set up things for the next big chapter, chapter 11.

I still hope you enjoy it!

Apparently having cig and coffee on me and looking Goth, isn’t enough for my dark-spirited friends.

It’s a frame of mind, I sadly lack.

It’s been against society's rules, which I don’t.

Being born a girl in a patriarchy and being bi in a queerphobic land isn’t enough.

This hurts me.

Deeply.

Is this Goth enough or too sarcastic?

Anyway, to prove I’m goth I have to go to the big PTA meeting in the community center, walk right into the middle of that meeting and tape this wonderful sign with written on it “Fuck the conformists!” to their table.

What one due’s for their plans…

So I make my way there all alone since my co-conspirators against King Big Ass are all busy with preparations for our plan.

The PTA meeting is a bomb to go off any second as I walk in. The adults literally talk over each other. They are angry, all right.

I feel kind of awkward standing so randomly there with my stupid sign and even more stupid Goth clothes.

I’m thinking about how to best tap the sign on the table and take the photo, as proof, without anybody seeing me when I hear Mr. Mash saying my name: “Thank you for coming, N.K. Everyone, this is the girl whose family just moved to town.”

A lot of preps stared at me.

I put up my middle finger at them.

No of course not, I waved awkwardly at them, but I got you all for a second, hehe.

“We've become very close friends.”, tells Mr. Marsh everybody. “This child and I witnessed something last night, and I'd like you to hear her story. Go ahead, kiddo.”

I blink.

What happened again last night?

Oh yeah, the space adventure.

“Some alien fuckers kidnapped us to probe us in the ass. Me and my best friend saved anybody on this ship and you Mr. Marsh just left us there.”, I deadpan.

No way, I gonna tell them, we girls crashed the UFO.

“N-Not really what I meant, kiddo.”, awkwardly Mr. Marsh rubs his neck.

It’s still for a few seconds.

“This is a waste of everyone's time!”, shouts a brown-haired man…I think it’s Leo’s dad. “If the PTA isn't going to do something about Taco Bell taking over then the rest of us parents will!”

“YEAH!”

“THAT'S RIGHT!”

 “Let's go!”

“COME ON!”

Following Leo’s dad all, besides the PTA members, leave.

Well, that could have gone better for them.

Not my problem.

I have to fulfill my quest.

As I’m about to tap my sign on the table, Mr. Marsh runs up to me and takes it from my hands.

“Look, I know how you're feeling, ok? But this isn't gonna solve anything. We've got to get inside that "Taco Bell" and find out what's really going on. Help me with that and I'll help you with this.”, promises Mr. Marsh.

“What do you want?”, I ask frowning. “That I do it like a Ninja and break in and search for some dirt on "Taco Bell"?”

“Exactly!”

He can’t be serious!

“I saw you on the ship - you have pretty good control over your farts and you have your Magical Girl Powers!”

….Magical what Girl powers?!

Heh?

What does he mean by that?

Last I checked I’m not Sailor Moon.

If I was Sailor Moon I would be soooo happy.

“Meet me in the bathroom. It's time for you to learn some REAL power.”

Still confused about what Mr. Marsh meant, I follow him to the bathroom.

And I need to learn a new fart technic.

Okay, I get that it’s useful, but still, bah!

Anyway, I master it and Mr. Marsh sends me off to my new quest.

Quests for quests and no end in sight.

Stupid game mechanics.

Frowing with crossed arms I stand before "Taco Bell".

I saw with my own eyes how a man got shot in the head just for asking questions.

Mr. Marsh was right.

It’s more than just to hide the fact that this "Taco Bell" is on UFO. This rip-off Man-in-black are hiding something.

I feel it.

It’s too dangerous to break in alone.

I need backup.

So I try to get someone to join me.

All besides Tammy are busy with preparations, but she tells me Stan can come along if we first help him with something.

This something is to get his phone back from his older sister.

Another quest?

Sure why not.

Not like I already have 30 or so!

Signing, I make my way back to the Eleven Kingdom.

“Your sister is a crazy nasty bitch!”, I tell Stan, as I, he, and Tammy make our way to "Taco Bell".

“Disgusting, absolute, disgusting!”, adds Tammy, checking her new cool fighter armor, courtesy of the elven, for any menstrual blood.

Yes, you read right.

Stan older sister used as attack bloody tampons on us!

“I’m sorry, girls, but imagine living with her 24/7!”, apologize Stan. “At last I have my phone back, really again, thank you.”

“Your welcome, but next time warn us.”, I make clear.

Finally, we are back at "Taco Bell" and I use Sneaky Squeaker, I fucking hate that I have to use it, to lead the two heavy armor soldiers away from the entrance.

Tammy sends me I look and I shrug just.

I know it is nasty, but we don’t have other means.

With the soldiers busy being distracted by the fart we three Ninja our way in.

“This place doesn't really look like a Taco Bell.”, points Stan out.

“It isn’t.”, answers Tammy. “It’s a UFO and they build a Military complex around it.”

“How do you know that?”

“You don’t see the giant UFO?”

“Also, it may be that Tammy and I got abducted by aliens last night and had to fight our way out of it.”, I add.

Stan just stares at us and lets out a long okay.

I have a feeling he saw and heard weirder shit in his life.

Must be a South Park thing.

Anyway, there is a lone soldier whom I lead with Sneaky Squeaker to the electrocuted puddle of water and then use my alien probe-thingy to teleport us to the roof.

We crawl all in the air conduction. After a few seconds, we find a meeting room full of people. We stop and listen.

“...but so far we have been unable to stop the UFO from leaking the toxic waste.”, say’s one of the Men-in-Black. “We've contained all we can but there are no guarantees an outbreak will not occur.”

An older man with an eye patch asks: “And does the alien liquid appear to have the same effect as... last time?”

Suddenly I feel how I shiver and my heart starts to race.

That voice…

I heard it somewhere before…

And if I look more at the Eye-Patch-Grandpa…the more I’m sure I saw I somewhere before.

I don’t like this feeling.

“I'm afraid so.”, answer him Men-in-Black. “When the alien waste reacts with organic material on Earth it turns things into... Nazi zombies.”

A window opens and a man in a Hawaii shirt is in a room behind it, walking really like a zombie and shouting in German.

…I’m imagining things or does he sound like Hitler?!

 “Nazi zombies, what a cliché!”, whispers Tammy.

Stan and I nod, and even the government guys are so done with this too. How often did they encounter this to be so dull about it?

Eye-Patch-Grandpa walks over to a whiteboard which has a drawing of South Park on it and explains to his men and woman: “All right, we're going to have to completely obliterate EVERYTHING in a three-block radius. Find locations for the bombs and bury it all. Then make up a fake story about an earthquake. We can contain the outbreak this time if we act quickly enough. Let's MOVE!”

All stand up to get out of the room.

Suddenly one of the government guys turns around.

He points at a little record on their table.

“Everything we've just talked about has been recorded onto this tape. I'm going to leave it alone here for a few minutes, then come back later and have it encrypted and locked away so nobody ever hears what was said in this meeting.”

“Yes. Good idea.”

With that, all leave the room.

“Well, how practically for us. That’s exactly what the PTA wants.”, I whisper to my friends.

Tammy and Stan nod.

“Adults are so stupid.”, points Stan out.

We start to crawl again, to find a way out of the air conduction.

I’m the first to jump out of it…at the same time as the Nazi Zombie breaks free and kills the soldiers before me!

Oh shit!

Stan, Tammy, and I need our collected forces to kill this overused cliché, but we manage.

“Oh my god! Why?!”, shouts Tammy.

“You guys stay here.”, I tell them. “I get the record and then we get out of here!”

“Hurry, dude!”, pleads Stan.

Fast I snatch the record up and then we three run out of the military complex.

What we see and encounter on our way back to the Elven Kingdom is fucking nuts.

The Nazi Zombies already spread!

So much for containing them!

I hope the adults can at least stop somehow the plan at bombing South Park.

Tammy decided to go with me to the PTA meeting, but first Jimmy ask us if we can help him get a flute.

Seems like we have to do some quests first.

And I still need to place Al Gore’s little machine underground.

The PTA can wait for a bit.

“Okay, we fought Nazi-Zombie-Cows to get Jimmy the flute, beat up an ex-vice president, then him again dressed up as ManBearPig and we meet a talking Christmas shit and his family.”

“Don’t forget all the hobos and Nazi Zombies we beat and/or killed up, Tam.”

“How can I when the Nazi Zombie cat nearly scratched me?! Do you think they can give rabies too, N.K.?”

“I sure hope they don’t.”

Yeah, as you can see Tammy and me had quite the adventures.

On one side it was good because we both level up and Tammy got with any fight better in our RPG, on the other side we both are stressed out.

And we still have our big plan for Cartman, when we just wanna chill and maybe watch a movie and eat some junk food.

At least, not only we gave the record to the PTA, but we also got the goddamn picture the Goths want, and after showing them how Goth I can dance, drink my coffee, and smoke they agree to participate in the RPG!

Yeah!

All is coming perfectly together.

Tammy and I hug each other before Cartman’s house.

Now we must separate before we can rejoin sides again.

“Good luck, with Cartman, sis.”, wishes me, Tammy. “I will see you on the other side.”

“I will see you on the other side.”, I repeat and we hug each other tight.

With that, I enter Kupa Keep.

First I see how Princess Kenny gives me a wink and a nod.

Okay, this means on her side all is according to plan.

Leo gives me a thumbs up, while I see how Token, Tweek, Craig and even Scott nod at me.

Awesome, they are on board too!

“My king.”, I call for Fatass. He is surely in the war tent. “I’m back with good news.”

King Chubby steps out of the war tent, a smile on his face.

“Ah, you have returned!”

“Yes, my lord. The Goths are on our side.”

“Awesome, come, Sir Douchebag, it is time to summon our forces! Simply call them here and your dedication to Kupa Keep will be complete! Climb the signal tower, Sir Douchebag. Call forth your new recruits!”, commands Cartman practically.

If all goes to plan this will be one of the last times he will give me a command.

I play my part.

I climb the carton tower and send with my phone a message to the Goth Kids.

When I climb down again, Cartman calls out: “Everyone gather around!”

We do as he says.

“While the rest of you have been picking your respective arses, Sir Douchebag has gone out and brought help to our kingdom.”, berates them Cartman. All play their role, looking disappointed at themselves. “Sir Douchebag, it is time to give you a title worthy of your deeds.”

“Will you finally use my real name?”, I ask with pretended hopefulness.

“I have something better! By the power of Mandaloth, third-born of the Redguard, and by the glory of Christ, I hereby anoint thee -- COMMANDER DOUCHEBAG! With all the rights and privileges accompanied therein!”

“Goddamit, Fatass is N.K. so complicated!”

And again I get ignored.

“Eric! ERIC!”, runs up Leo to us. He sends me a quick wink. This means we and the elven are ready for our plan or should I say trap for Cartman. “We know where the elves are hiding the Stick!”

“What? Really?”

“We just intercepted their messages on Twitter!”

“You mean you shot down their message raven.”

“R-right - w-we shot down their raven a-and the evil Elf King ha-has hidden the Stick inside his desk at school!”

“Of course! Kyle hid it in his desk! CITIZENS OF KUPA KEEP! WE KNOW WHERE THE ELVES ARE HIDING THE STICK! I told you they were cheating! NOW WE SHALL MARCH ON THE SCHOOL AND MAKE THE HALLWAYS DRIP WITH ELVEN BLOOD!”

“HUZZAH!”, we all shout.

It’s time to get this show on the roll!

Cartman will not get what hit him.

I’m already laughing inside gleefully imagining his stupid face.

He will pay for being such an enormous bastard to anyone!

I used JRPG Heroine: Dragon Master dress-up game for Tammy’s outfit. She has a purse with her since her class is a fighter and she fights like Tifa Lockheart from Final Fantasy. In the purse are things like smoke bombs or glitter to give a status effect on the enemy or stun them.

Next

Tammy the Fighter

I used JRPG Heroine: Dragon Master dress-up game for Tammy’s outfit. She has a purse with her since her class is a fighter and she fights like Tifa Lockheart from Final Fantasy. In the purse are things like smoke bombs or glitter to give a status effect on the enemy or stun them.

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 11: When all goes to shit!

All I can say I’m on a roll these last two days!

I needed to write and finish this chapter.

Happy reading!

It’s already dawn when the whole army of Kupa Keep, seriously where do all these kids come from, I never saw them at the Kingdom, and the Goth kids reach the school.

King If-I-don’t-eat-cheesy-pops-I-will-die stands before us.

Loud, so that even the people a neighborhood away can hear him, he proclaims: “Defenders of freedom! I thank you for your courage, and your audacities in joining our fight! Tonight, we are no longer the humans or the goths. Tonight, we unite as ONE!”

“I feel like SUCH a homo sapien right now.”, deadpans the boss goth, whom I learned his name is Micheal.

I can’t help but snort. It’s funny! Even if this wasn’t surely why he said it.

By the way, I love the whole Viking-vibe, the Goths have going on. They look cool!

Two of the upper-floor windows open and elves look out of it.

“THE HUMANS ARE HERE!”, shouts one, as another blows a war horn.

“Ooh, they blew their horn! Blow ours, Butters!”, commands King I-need-to-see-a-diat-doctor.

Leo does just that, while Cartman shouts more commands: “Guys, flank left! Goth kids, prepare to attack from behind!”

It’s time!

Let’s get this show on the roll.

I take a deep breath and feel how Princess Kenny takes my hand. We look at each other in understanding.

Tonight the Wizard King will fall and a Queen will rise!

Getting into the school is easy.

We planned that the elven would barricade the front door, "forcing" us to use the backdoor.

I have Leo and Princess Kenny with me as we make our way through the kitchen.

“N.K., if you're in the building: You're fighting for a tyrant, but I know there's good in you.”, sounds from the speaker’s King Kyle’s voice. He is playing his part perfectly. “Stop fighting for your evil lord! Free yourself from his control!”

I’m holding hands with Kenny, while Leo holds into my arm.

“A-All right, fella’s, no turning back.”, he stutters nervously.

“It will work, don’t worry.”, reassures Princess Kenny.

I nod in agreement.

“Just stick to what we discussed and nothing bad will happen.”

“I-I will try.”

We reach the cafeteria where Tweek perfectly plays having a meltdown since all his friends are "death".

There are other kids from Kupa Keep we don’t know and aren’t part of our plan. He needs to.

I give him a head pat.

Me and my two buddies move forward.

We reach the barricade of the elven.

“Monsieur Hamilton?”, whispers an elf to me.

“Monsieur Lafayette!”, I say the code we agreed on.

If you are wondering is this a Hamilton reference?

Yes, yes it is!

I love that musical!

With a nod, the elf let us through without problems.

We leave the cafeteria and are in the familiar hallway where Princess Kenny and I defeated the evil sixth-grader ginger hall monitor.

Again we get asked the code by the elves and I answer.

As we pass the barricade King Kyle’s voice sounds from the speakers again.

“These are the terms of your surrender! One! You will be the elves' personal slave for...”

“A month.”, comes Stan along.

“One month! Two! You agree that the elves are the masters of the Stick for all time! Three. You eh...”

“Hey, hand me the mic for a sec. Three. The so-called Grand Wizard has to jump up and down continuously for three straight days. If he stops early, he has to start over.”

“Hehehahyahaheh!”

Princess Kenny and I laugh imagine if Cartman has to do this really.

All this bouncy fat, I can’t!

Only Leo tries not to laugh. My little brother is such a sweet bean.

We reach now the basement…and what the fuck?

Why is Cartman there?

Wasn’t he busy at the entrance?

He stands over a ginger hallway monitor, frowning.

As King Fatass hears us coming down the stairs he turns to us.

“Stay back you guys! Something is seriously wrong with the hallway monitors!”

“Help... please...”, whimpers the hall monitor.

“That's Gary Nelson!”, yells Leo and runs up to his side. He helps Gary sit up.

“Don't touch him, he's ginger!”, warns Cartman.

Princess Kenny and I deadpan at him and I so wish I could already kick his ass.

“We came to school the morning after the earthquake to report for duty.”, explains Gary, coughing. “We didn't know the school had been canceled. We heard a sound from down here, found this green goo, i-it was everywhere. It... changed the other hallway monitors.”

“Serves you right for being a patsy-ass hallway monitor in the first place.”, huffs our Grand Wizard Asshole.

Gary stands up, turning his back to us, staggering away.

“Something in the goo... it... it...”

Suddenly he turns back around.

Oh no!

He is a Nazi Zombie!

That is the signal for our brave Wizard Fatass to run out of the basement.

“AAGHGH! Somehow that green goo makes ginger hallway monitors even LAMER!”

 We three get ready to battle the zombified Nazi ginger.

Good that we are three since he calls for backup.

We defeat them.

“Hey! What's wrong with these guys?”, asks Princess Kenny.

“Yeah, big sis, what happened to these guys?”, wonders Leo.

“You guys heard about the Taco Bell, which is going to be built? Well, it’s actually a crash-landed UFO who leeks this green goo which turns basically anything organic into a Nazi Zombie.”, I explain.

“You are shitting me.”, say’s Princess Kenny in disbelief.

“I wish I was, but it’s true.”

“That’s such a cliche!”

“I know!”

“Fella’s, we need to get moving. Even if I agree with ya.”

“You are right, Leo.”

We make our way through the basement.

More Ginger Nazi Zombies await us, but using the special abilities of my friends and the environment to our advantage we manage to defeat them.

I can’t help myself and flirt a bit with Kenny: “Your tits are so amazing, even the brain death get charmed by them.”

She giggles cutely, giving me as thank you, a quick kiss on the lips.

At least one of my crushes is into me.

Sign.

I wonder what I need to do to get a sweet kiss from Kyle?

We are finally out of the basement. The hallway we follow leads us to the school entrance.

“N.K! You don't want to be on the wrong side of this when Wizard Fatass's army falls. Think about what you're doing!”

There Stan waits all ready for us with his elven.

He plays his part as an obstacle awesome, but did he really need to use dog poo on us?

Anyway, we “conquer” the lobby, and Stan retreats.

Entering from the right comes Wizard Big Belly.

“Good work! Douchebag, man the catapult, and let our guys through the front door. Everyone, fall in!”

I nod, doing as he says.

We are closing now on the Endgame.

I need to use Cup-A-Spell to let the barricade before the front door explodes so the rest of the Kupa Keep army can enter the school.

I swerve, in the next RPG, I will demand no farting powers!

“Push forward! I must save my strength for the final battle!”, tells me Cartman.

“As you wish my lord.”, I simply reply.

Me, Kenny, and Leo continue on.

Stan is in the hallway and after making sure Cartman or someone who isn’t on the plan isn’t with us he smiles sheepishly at us.

“Sorry about the dogpoo. I hope I didn’t get one of you.”

“It’s whatever.”, I wave it off. “You played your part and in the end, this is all that is important. Also Stan where is Tammy?”

Surprisingly I hear how Kenny mumbles her name in question. I wonder what’s up with that?

“She is with Kyle, protecting him. Lady Tammy is a damn good fighter!”

Proud like a mama I nod.

“That she is. We see us later Stan.”

He salutes and lets us pass.

“N.K.”, whisper Kenny. “Is this Tammy, Tammy Warner?”

Now I’m the one who is surprised.

“Yeah. Do you know her?”

Kenny is silent, but Leo isn’t.

“Tammy Warner? Wasn’t she your girlfriend, Kenny?”

….WHAT?!

“Butters!”, hisses Kenny angrily, and my little bro flatters under the eyes of the Princess.

“Okay, we will open this can of worms later.”, I decide for us all. “We need to focus and stick to the plan.”

We reach the second floor.

There we "help" Tweek and King Kyle has another message: “Last chance, N.K.! He's nothing without you. Walk away from this!”

We continue on and enter the hallway with the fourth-grade and fifth-grade classrooms.

“Seriously, N.K. , you're breaking my balls here.”

Again, how the heck did Cartman manage to be there before us? He was behind us! Craig and Scott are with him also.

“This is it!”, tells me Fatass. “You have the honor of leading the final assault, Commander.”

Oh if only you know.

I look at my friends, who all give me nods.

There are ready to.

So I open the door to the fourth-grade classroom.

King Kyle with a hooded Tammy on his side awaits us.

“Back away from the desk, Jew King!”, shouts King I’m-pretty-much-against-everyone-who-isn’t-white-straight-male-and-catholic.

“The Stick doesn't belong with a fat, RACIST LIAR!”, counters King Kyle.

While the two throw insults at each other the rest of my friends joins us in the classroom and Tammy walks over to me. She squeezes my hand in comfort.

It’s nearly time.

“All right, Kyle, you fuckin asked for it.”, growls Cartman after the two are done with their shouting match. King Kyle was right he really knows how to rile up Cartman. “Go ahead and kick his ass, Douchebag.”

All is still.

No one moves.

King Cheesy Pops looks around confused.

“Hello? Commander Douchebag, do your thing.”

“Actually…”, I trail off and hold my wand under his fat double chin. “This is the part where you get your ass kicked!”

“Fucking what?!  Oh, you motherfucker! I KNEW you were a fucking douchebag!”

But then his eyes widen as he sees that all are pointing their weapons at him.

Elven and human.

“WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT’S GOING ON?!”, he shrieks aloud. “HAVE YOU ALL TURNED FUCKING TRAITORS?!”

“Let’s just say we are ready for a new era.”, deadpan Craig at him.

“WHAT?!”

I poke with my wand his double chin.

“It means I’m challenging you to a duel for the throne of Kupa Keep! Since I have the majority on my side it’s my right to ask for a change in the RPG. Everybody here, all the major players, supports this. So it’s legit. If you win you stay King, if I win Kupa Keep is mine!”

“YOU-YOU LITTLE POWER-HUNGRY PUSSY I WILL SHOW YOU TO TAKE MY MAN FROM ME AND TRY TO GET MY THRONE!”

With a battle cry, Cartman launches himself at me and we start our epic battle.

In the end, even if I hate it how, I win, since my farts were more potent than his.

Defeated Cartman lay on the floor.

I breathe heavily, not believing I have done it.

I defeated him.

I will be queen!

I raise my wand high in victory.

All around me the guys and Tammy celebrate and applaud me.

“Ding dong, the wicked wizard is death!”, yells Tammy and hugs me from behind.

Then I step away from her to Cartman.

I want him to see this.

“Fatass you shall know who really defeated you.”, I say to him.

Tired he raises his head, glaring at me.

“Oh, I know it perfectly a traitorous douchebag!”

“No, A GIRL!”

Dramatically I strip away my Link cosplay and I stand before him as Dark Magician Girl.

Like this, no one can mistake me for a boy.

I hear gulps and feel looks on my free legs and my hemline, where you can see a bit of my breast modestly peeking out.

“I have a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend…”, mumbles Token.

“Me too, we shouldn’t look, dude…”, adds Stan.

“Oh dear, I think my blood sugar just got higher.”, murmurs Scott.

“W-What a d-dramatic revelation m-my lady!”, congrats me Jimmy.

“My big sister is so pretty!”, gushes Leo.

“Well, rational speaking she is pretty but it doesn’t do it for me.”, deadpan Craig. Surprisingly Tweek agrees with him.

…My Bi-Fi is picking something up…

I can feel how Kenny formally zeros on my breasts and…Kyle is adorable red in the face and tries to not look in my direction.

Tammy and I share a look.

Boys.

Only Cartman looks at me in disgust.

“You were a girl! The whole time! You fucking liar! I should banish-“

“You can’t anymore.”, I stop him. “I won the duel. I’m now the rightful ruler of Kupa Keep. I’m the Dark Magician Queen N.K. and you will accept this or you can stop playing with us.”

Fatass gets so red in the face that he resembles an angry pepperoni.

“Wait for a second guys.”, calls Tammy for attention.

We all collectively ignore Cartman’s outrage over another girl.

“We all set up Cartman with the Stick been in the possession of the elven, but where is the Stick actually? Since Cartman clearly hasn’t it like we thought.”

…OH MY GOD TAMMY IS RIGHT!

“What, I thought you guys had stolen the Stick already from him and placed it in his table.”, tells us, King Kyle.

…WHAT?!

“Kyle, who wrote you this?”, I ask him with a bad feeling in my stomach.

“I get a letter with your initials on it.”

“Well, I didn’t send you one!”

What is going on?!

“Guys, our school uses tabletops. They don’t have insides!”, reminds us, Tammy.

Now even Cartman looks worried around.

Someone is playing with all of us!

“Hey look at this!”, calls Leo over. He had inspected the tabletops. “This desk has writing on it! "Check my locker."”

“Whose desk is that?”, wonders Kyle.

It’s Cartman who answers him: “That's... that's CLYDE'S desk.”

Uh-Oh.

I follow Kyle, Stan, and Cartman to Clyde’s locker, the others are all behind us.

The locker isn’t even closed and Stan takes out a laptop from it.

He plays the video on it.

Clyde in violette armor with the Stick of Truth in his hands appears!

“Greetings, Humans and Drow Elves of Zaron!”

“Clyde!”, shouts Stan.

“HE took the Stick!”, realizes Cartman.

“No shit Sherlock!”, I add shocked.

“While you have all been busy fighting amongst yourselves, I have built a kingdom beyond your comprehension! I prayed for a way to destroy you all and the solution came crashing down from the heavens!”

“Oh no it's more of that green stuff!”, points Kyle out.

“Oh god don’t tell me he is going to turn the death kitty into a Nazi Zombie!”, I shriek.

Sadly he does.

Fuck you dude!

“With what I have found, I shall raise an army of the dead! I shall raise an entire army of darkness and kill the earth!”

“Clyde... but why?”, wonders Stan.

“I banished him to be lost in space and time -- now he's all pissed off.”, tells him Fatass.

“So you see, FOOLS, I control the stick AND the future of the Earth.”

“Clyde, do you want a sandwich?”

“Not right now Dad I'm making a Ruler of Darkness video. Whoever controls the Stick controls the universe -- and my first deed is that I hereby DENOUNCE the human and the elf kingdoms! I know about little Douchebag’s plan to dethrone the Wizard King so to be sure I strip all rulers of all their power! HAHAHA HAHA HAHAHAHAHAA!”

With that the video ends.

“Motherfucker!”, curses Cartman.

We all whole heartily agree.

I wasn’t even queen for half an hour and now that!

Fuck you, Clyde, I hope you catch something nasty!

Together all important humans and elven make their way to Clyde’s house.

With his wizard stick, Cartman knocks angrily at the door.

“Oh hello, boys! Oh and the two young ladies.”, greets Clyde’s dad.

“Can we speak to Clyde, please?!”, ask and demands Cartman at the same time.

“Oh, Clyde's out playing in the backyard with his little friends.”

With that, we all enter the house and go to the backyard.

What we see…Clyde Kingdom is bigger than Kupa Keep and the Eleven Kingdom together multiply by 10!

It would be really impressive if Clyde didn’t get a villain arc.

“Come and get it losers! Ha ha ha haa!”, mocks Clyde from one of his balconies.

“You can't do that Clyde! You're lost in time and space!”, reminds him Cartman.

“No, I'm not.”

“Yeah, you are, asshole!”

“Army of Darkness! Defend the fortress!”

From everywhere kids appear on the fortress.

I see these fake poser wannabe vampire kids, the fifth-grade girls I bet up, some other fifth graders who pose as Cyclops, and…

“Craig... ?”, trails Cartman off. “Craig you're on my side!”

“You mean on my side. I may have been queen only for a few minutes but it still counts!”, I remind him. “But I agree, Craig what are you doing there?!”

“None of you have authority anymore, the keeper of the Stick said so.”

“This can't be happening.”, says Kyle in disbelief.

Meanwhile, Cartman shouts: “GOD DAMMIT I HAVE FUCKING AUTHORITAH!”

“Sorry, warriors and wizards, I'd love to invite you into my fortress of darkness, but I'm afraid you're too LATE!”, stresses Clyde the word late.

“Too late?”, repeats Stan confused. “What’d ya mean we're too late?”

Suddenly Leo’s parents appear.

“There you are, Butters! Do you know what time it is mister?! It is WAY PAST YOUR BEDTIME!”, yells his dad.

“Oh shit it's past our bedtime?”, curses Cartman.

Kyle is already walking out of the backyard.

“Dude I'm gonna get it!”

“Hahaha, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”, laughs Clyde in our faces.

Tammy takes my hand.

Together we leave the backyard.

Fucking bullshit!

I enter my home pissed beyond belief.

We manage to dethrone Cartman, me becoming queen of Kupa Keep, only to have this plot twist with Clyde and his army of darkness and the goddamn motherfucking Stick of Truth!

Who writes this game?!

J.J. Abrams?

Or a fangirl with way too much time on her hands?!

“N.K. sweetie there you are, we got worried.”, greets me, Mamma.

“Aren’t you cold like that?”, wonders Papà, pointing at my Dark Magician Girl cosplay. “What happened to your Link cosplay?”

….I’m not gonna tell that I ripped it off to have a dramatic reveal of my true gender.

“No Papà, I’m not cold. I put Link back in the closet. I wanted to be Dark Magician Girl.”

“Well, you will know for sure what is good for you, princess.”

Tired from all this day I ask what’s for dinner.

They got take-out food again, this time from City Wok. They already eat, so I sit down with my noodle box between my parents and watch with them TV.

It’s a documentary about ancient Greece.

Nice.

I love this shit.

After I’m finished eating my parents tell me it’s really time for bed now, I can’t finish watching with them the documentary.

Another disappointment for the day.

I go up to the bathroom, take a quick shower and put my P.J. on.

I’m cuddling up with my teddy bear in bed, as Mamma walks in to wish me a good night like always.

“Goodnight, my little gumdrop.”, she cooed. “Hope you're enjoying all the peace and quiet in our new home as much as we are.”

Peace and quiet.

That’s funny.

We have not only free wandering Nazi Zombies here, the treat that three entire blocks of South Park get blown up by the government, no a fourth-grade boy is on an ego trip and uses the goo who turns people into Nazi Zombies for taking revenge because he got banish in a stupid little RPG!

I huff and snuggle with my teddy bear.

“This whole town and its inhabits are nuts, Ursa!”, I whisper-shout to my teddy bear.

Yeah, I talk with my teddy bear and I gave her the most creative name ever! Leave me alone.

Ursa of course has no words of encouragement for me.

It’s not Toy Story.

I close my eyes and try to sleep.

I will need all my forces tomorrow to kick Clyde’s ass and somehow stop the Nazi Zombies.

What is my life?

I don’t know anymore.

We should have stayed in Seattle, would have been better for anybody.

With that thought on my mind, I fall into a restless sleep.

Next

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Here we are with a short chapter to a really twisted part of the game!

But we learn some new things so…profit?

Enjoy this little chapter anyways!

Chapter 12: No words can describe this trauma!

I’m again in the war-thorn Main Street in Seattle.

I feel how blood drops from my hands.

I know it’s not my own blood.

It’s the blood of the soldiers who…tried to kill me?

I…I don’t know for sure.

They…they have pointed their weapons at me!

They…they shot at me but not in any important organs.

Are they trying to catch me?

But why?

My breath is rugged.

I feel so dizzy.

“Now, now, my dear Dovahkiin!”, tutts a male voice.

I see…the Eye-Patch-Grandpa!

With him are severely heavily armed soldiers.

“How long do you want to run?”, Eye-Patch-Granpa asks. “How long can you still fight?”

My mouth moves on my own.

“As long as I can. I will not be your weapon!”

He looks at me with pity.

“Oh dear sweet Dovahkiin, you are like this, because of us. You BELONG to us. You are a weapon!”

A growl lefts my mouth.

Eye-Patch-Granpa speaks again and surprisingly sings: “Time to go to work! Work all night! Search for underpants hey! We won't stop until we have underpants! Yum tum yummy tum tayyy!”

What the fuck?!

I wake up in a jolt and search for my glasses.

What is going on?

What was that dream and who is singing in my room about underpants?

When I can see again I see…little gnomes?

Little gnomes who are stealing my panties!

What kind of pervert assholes are this?

Yes, I totally ignore that I see real gnomes since I’m so offended!

“OH SHIT, SHE'S AWAKE!”, yells a gnome.

“What?!”

“This kid is AWAKE! What the fuck do we do?!”

“Oh, fuck!”

“I guess we gotta kill her.”

“All right, fuck it, let's kill her.”

Angry I stand up from my bed and look down at these tiny perverts.

“I will kill you, you fucked up pervs! Who steals the panties of an 11-year-old?!”

The anger and disgust I feel are like a hot ball in my stomach. Automatically I let it spread and…in a flash, I’m transformed?

Huh?

I can transform into a Magical Girl?

….Wait a minute it happened the night before on the alien ship!

I totally forgot!

Okay, something is really wrong with my memory that I always forget that I’m a Magical Girl.

Sadly I can’t think more about it since I need to kill little perverts!

I can’t believe that even these perverted gnomes take also part in the RPG!

But their attacks don’t even scratch. With a flick of my wrist, they evaporate and I only need to shoot tiny balls of light at them to defeat them.

It’s kinda like when you have a game boss on Level 20 and you grind your character to 40 or 50 to completely destroy them.

“Shit, she's too big! We can't beat her!”, cries a gnome.

“Damn right now get out of my room before I kill you!”

“Well if you can't beat ‘em, SHRINK ‘em! Go ahead, Warlock!”

“What?!”

I don’t know why these gnomes are so fixed on killing me, didn’t the beating I gave them humiliate enough?

Another gnome appears, he really has the warlock vibe going on and throws at me some glitter.

Okay, now we all are the same height.

They don’t waste time to attack me again, but I’m pretty much a tank in my Magical Girl form and kick their asses again.

Beaten and bloody they run into the little mousehole in my room.

“Hey! Come back and turn me normal again?!”, I shout after them.

I follow them through the mousehole.

These perverted gnomes are fast, I can’t see them. The giant rat that lives in our walls I see therefore clearly enough.

I kill it with my golden light energy orb.

I continue on in my search for the gnomes and end up in a ventilation box. I can hear my parents talking.

Curiosity gets the better of me, so I stop to listen.

“I just sometimes feel like we should tell her the truth.”, say’s Mamma to Papà defeated.

“Why?! So she can relive it all in her head?”, counters Papà. “It's better that she can't remember!”

“Chris, N.K. was born with this gift, and then they did these experiments on her, so they could turn her into an even more powerful weapon! We have tried for years to not trigger these powers, but N.K. always awakes them!”

I…I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

What gift?

What experiments?

What kind of weapon should I be turned into?

My…my dreams.

Dovahkiin…that’s what Eye-Patch-Grandpa called me! The only Dovahkiin I know is the one from Skyrim…who can absorb powers and make them their own?!

Is my Magical Girl form the result of that?!

I…I feel dizzy.

This is too much.

“That’s why we have to keep anything secret from N.K. They WON'T stop looking for her, Kelly.”, argues Papà “We moved here to South Park since crazy shit happens here daily. Our daughter’s powers are nothing against what is going on here. We will be safe finally.”

My parents knew that South Park is literally the epicenter of craziness and moved us here on purpose?!

Do hide my powers better? Even from me?

What?

Tired Mamma rubs her forehead and leans on Papà for support.

“I'm so frazzled. Will you just... make love to me?”

…WHAT?!

“Of course, I will, darling.”

Dear Isis, Osiris, Seth, and Hathor let’s get out of here!

I run, but…I can hear them!

I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Oh god, this will haunt my nightmares for ages.

Goddammit, where are these perverted gnomes?!

I make my way through the walls of our home. I encounter more rats, but I kill them easily.

I just wish I had some earplugs to not hear how my parents are having sex!

Gritting my teeth as I open the wall socket before me and jump down.

I land on the dresser…in my parent’s room.

“AAARGH! IT BURNS!”, I scream and slap my hands against my eyes.

I didn’t need to see this!

I didn’t need to see this!

Hearing it was already traumatizing, yet seeing it is a whole other number!

This time I really throw up a bit.

I need brain bleach!

I have to find these gnomes!

Trying to blend out the sounds of the coupling of my parents and also not to look at them again, I run along the dresser.

Finally!

There they are!

“You son of sphinxes!”, I curse.

“Oh, shit, the kid is still following us!”, points a gnome out.

“She's not gonna stop until she finds a way to become normal size again! That means she's coming after YOU, Warlock!”, turns another gnome to the warlock.

He doesn’t like it.

“What?! Ah, FUCK!”

He runs away and his buddies try to stop me from going after him. I defeat them fast.

“Come back here, you bastard!”, I shout after the Warlock.

“I'm not changing you back!”, he calls back “I don't care what you do to me!”

I chase after him.

Oh no!

The warlock climbs up the bed of my parents, who are still having sex.

And of course, I see again what they do!

Doggy-Style!

I throw up again.

With the back of my white glove, I try to clean my mouth, while I reach the Warlock on the bed.

How fucked up is this?

How much therapy will I need to cure this trauma?

I will so kill this Warlock!

“You perverted, dickless, ugly ass bitch! Stop running at face me like a man!”, I challenge him.

“You couldn't just let it go, could you?!”, he shouts at me. “You couldn't just let us take your underpants! No, you had to go and start asking QUESTIONS! Well, now you shall see the true power of an underpants gnome!”

…Underpants gnome?!

They really exist!

Oh my god, I have to call my old bro Ryan, who lives in New York. He always told me that gnomes were stealing his underpants and I told him he was hallucinating.

I feel bad now.

But I need to concrete on the Underpants Gnome Warlock and not him or my parent who have above us sex.

This will be the most fucked-up fight in all existence.

Still, I form on my hand’s golden light orbs and get in a fighting position.

“Come at me, bro!”, I growl.

We start our fight…and it’s fucked up as I said. At one point, I have to dodge my dad’s balls.

I never ever thought that I would ever think something like that and yet here we are!

I will make the Underpants Gnomes pay for my therapist’s bills!

In the end, I defeat the Warlock.

“Alright all right! You win! Take this! Take it!”

He hands me a little pouch with glitter.

“You can grow small or big whenever you feel like it!”, he explains to me. “All we wanted was to collect underpants to stop Taco Bell from releasing its toxic green goo into our underground world! You see, the green goo is actually a- RAAAAAAUAUUAUGH!”

The warlocks get crashed under my mom’s breasts!

Thank heaven I have such good reflexes as Magical Girl and can jump out of the bed before my dad’s balls crush me.

Faster than lighting I use the way I came here to go back to my room.

I sit, still as Magical Girl, but normal-sized again on my bed and I have my arms wrapped around my leg, swinging myself back and forth.

I thought the alien with their probes were fucked up, yet what I expired tonight takes the cake.

I’m scared to fall asleep.

So I’m just sitting there, trying to not flip out totally.

I think about what I learned.

I have a gift…I don’t know what it is.

Someone expirendment on me…which gave me my Magical Girl form.

My parents know all this…they keep it secret from me.

It already happened before that I transformed…I always forget.

Eye-Patch-Grandpa was in my dreams…maybe they aren’t dreams, but memories.

My memories are more fucked up than I thought!

I can’t remember shit, only that I transformed yesterday and then these weird dreams about Seattle.

Maybe…like I saw it in my dreams…Eye-Patch-Grandpa belongs to the people who did this to me…and tries to get me back…and I used my Magical Girl Powers to fight them…somehow I won…my parents grabbed me and decide to flee with me to South Park… undiscussable the most fucked-up and crazy place on Earth to hide me…to hide what I am.

But…what I’m exactly?

I’m not a classic Magical Girl since my powers come from these experiments and then there is this gift, I was born natural with, that I don’t know what it is!

So….I’m kind of a superhuman.

A mutant?

I don’t fucking know!

Then in a flash, I transform back and feel again soooo tired.

My Magical Girl Form is powerful but comes with this negative part.

After the transformation ends I feel like death cooked over.

I yawn and snuggle up in my bed.

Maybe…I can close my eyes for a little while.

Just to get some energy back.

I don’t want to forget what I learned.

In the end, my exhaustion is more powerful and I fall into a dreamless sleep.

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