SP FanFic: Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1 - Tumblr Posts - Page 2
The Stick of Truth
Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!
N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?
Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski
Chapter 13: Sunshine! Sparkle!
The next morning I woke up feeling like I got run over by a car.
Urgh!
I hate life.
Maybe the Goths are into something.
I roll over, away from my window, grabbing Ursa tight.
Need more sleep.
Before I can fall into sweet bliss again, I hear how I get a notification on my phone.
I want to ignore it…but I could be Tammy. I ain’t let hanging my best girl.
So I check my Facebook message.
Oh…it’s Kyle.
Emergency meeting at the Elven Forest.
Why?
Like a slap in the face, I remember what happened yesterday.
Clyde and his army of darkness.
The perverted Underpants Gnomes.
….MY PARENTS HAVING SEX!
With I shout I run into the bathroom and throw up. God, I didn’t need to remember that so vividly!
After I’m done leaving my guts in the toilette I brush my teeth, I need to get the taste away. Then I decide to take a long shower and maybe cry over my lost innocent.
Yeah sounds like a plan.
When I’m freshly washed I get dressed in my room in my Dark Magician Girl Cosplay. I fix my hair up with brown extensions and with hairspray. I form the spiky hairstyle of the original Dark Magician Girl. I grip my wand, which is of course the same that the original uses.
I’m ready for the day!
I go down the stairs, pointedly don’t look at my parents and ignore their question if I want breakfast.
I mumbled something that I’m not hungry.
Then I’m out of the house.
I can’t right now be close to them.
“Morning, N.K.!”, greets Tammy, also in her fighter armor.
“Hey, Tam!”
We hug each other.
“What you doing here sis?”, I ask her after our hug.
She takes my arm and we start to walk.
“You surely saw King Kyle post on Facebook I thought we could go together to the Elven Forest.”, she explains.
I smile.
“You thought right.”
We chat about random things on our way over. Ah, that’s what I need to not think about THAT.
It feels so normal.
It’s a good feeling. Something I terribly missed this last days.
Finally, we reach the Elven Forest.
King Kyle takes note of this.
“Ah, Dark Magician Queen N.K. and Lady Tammy have decided to bless us with their presence. Let's get started.”
Tammy sits between me and Stan. Cartman sends me an evil look as I sit down beside him, while I just give him the middle finger.
I won fair and square the throne. Even if Clyde took my power away in a puff. It’s still awesome that the others recognize me now as the queen of Kupa Keep.
Also, I will change the name later, I will not let my kingdom be called KKK anymore.
The elven king has prepared a PowerPoint Presentation for us with a projector and a screen fabric.
“Humans and Elves of Zaron, a great evil has descended upon us.”, he begins. “After researching last night, I believe we are facing a threat to our entire world.”
He shows us Clyde’s evil yet badass fortress on the screen.
“Clyde's fortress of darkness is over four stories tall. So far, he has recruited at least fifty warriors to be on his team, and he-“
That’s when Cartman decides to do his job as the local asshole/bastard, whisper-shouting to Leo: “Teehee, leave it to Kyle to tehehe...”
“You have something to say, Wizard?”
“Oh, nothing. Just think it's ... kind of funny how Drow elves in the Middle Ages can use Powerpoint.”, Fatass snickers.
“Oh my god, can you please shut up!”, I command. “This is important.”
“You may have gotten my throne bitch, but you aren’t my queen!”, he hisses back.
I fix him with my best death glare and hit with my fist into my hand.
“You wanna go again, fat boy? I will kick your ass for all eternity!”
My glare must be really terrific since Cartman looks ready to shit his pants, also all humans who see it are shaking too. Even Kenny and Leo!
I hear something about red eyes.
Heh?
“Queen N.K. I thank you for trying to keep order, but right now kicking Cartman’s ass, will not help us.”, tells King Kyle.
I look at Tammy, who gives me a nod. With a sign, I stop and cross my arms.
“Please continue, King Kyle.”
“Thank you as I was saying…Clyde is attempting to raise an army of darkness. I believe he is messing with something he cannot control. He has recruited many of our friends and so... our only hope is for our two factions to join forces.”
My subjects are shocked, while Kyle’s people seemed already to have accepted this idea. Maybe he told them before.
“FUCK. THAT.”, shouts Fatass. “WE do not team up with fucking ELVES.”
“You got a better idea, Wizard fatass?”, counters Stan.
“After what you elves did to us at the Battle of Wormsly Woods?!”, even Leo joins in. “You think we'll ever trust you?”
Having enough and before it escalates I stand up and stand before my people.
“Enough!”, I shout loud and clear. “I know I’m only been queen since yesterday, I don’t know what past our kingdom has with the elven one, but guys, see the bigger picture here! I agree with King Kyle. We need to join forces against Clyde. It will not help us to still fight each other if fucking Clyde takes over the world with his Nazi Zombie Army! I’m making myself clear?!”
Again I see how my friends and subjects shake. I’m really that scary? Tammy is giving me a proud thumbs up, while the elven try their hardest not to laugh.
“I’m making myself clear?!”, I repeat again, waiting for a response from my subjects.
Princess Kenny is the first to answer: “If the queen thinks this is for the best I support her.”
Shocked gasp from our people sound.
“Of course, you would say that Kinny! That bitch sucked your dick!”, accused Wizard Fatass.
Me and Kenny send him death glares.
“If I did or did not is not relevant and also is non of your fucking business, fatass!”, I shout and point my wand in his face. “I’m thinking about how to save our kingdom! This is the most important. If an alliance will help us so be it! So shut up and be the grand wizard we need for the fight and not a bastard for once in your life!”
I hear damn sons and approving whistles from Tammy and the elves. I can see that my subjects looking at each, whispering, and then all nod, besides Cartman of course.
“If you think this will be for the best, big sis…then we will follow your lead.”, speaks Leo for all.
I nod at him and sit down on my chair. I wave at Kyle to continue with his presentation.
The red-haired boy is looking at me…I would say in an admiring way. I blush and play with my wand. Tammy giggles softly in my ear. I blush even more. She will soooo tease me later, I feel it.
“Again, thanks queen N.K. I’m glad we are on the same page with this.”
“I don’t want to be a party pooper.”, begins Stan. “Even if we JOIN forces we don't have enough warriors.”
“So we recruit more factions to join us. The Pirates. The Federation. And... the Girls.”
Tammy and I deadpan at how all the boys are shocked about this.
“The GIRLS?!”, shouts Leo.
“Kyle, the GIRLS are not gonna fucking play with us.”, seems Cartman to remind him.
“Yeah, dude, we can't convince girls to do this.”, surprisingly Stan agrees.
“No, but maybe Queen N.K. can.”, counters Kyle. I cross my arms and raise an eyebrow at all the looks the boys send me. Only Tammy isn’t staring like a cow. She is deadpanning at them too. “Queen N.K. has a power we have yet to understand. She makes friends on Facebook faster than any we have seen.”
“She is really good at getting Facebook friends, I'll give her that.”, admins Wizard Chubby.
“And that I’m also a girl is totally irrelevant?”, I can’t help but point out. “And Lady Tammy here too.”
Kyle turns adorable red like a tomato.
“Erm…of course this too, queen N.K. I bet since you are their elder the girls in our grade will consider playing with us if you ask them.”, tries Kyle to save his face.
I giggle softly.
“It’s okay, cutie, I was just messing with ya.”, I flirt.
He turns red as his hair and is at a total loss for words. I hear a few snickers. Cartman opens his mouth to say something, I just hit him over the head with my wand.
“You be quiet. If you only talk shit, you will get hit.”
Grumbling curses under his breath Fatass rubs his hurting spot.
Now nearly everyone is snickering. I bet they all enjoy me putting Cartman in his place.
“Now that this is out of the way, please find a way to get the Girls to side with us, queen N.K. I'll deal with the other factions.”, promises Kyle. “The rest of you return to your stations and prepare for war.”
With a loud huzzah, we collected the chairs to put them away.
“Any idea where we could find the fourth-grade girls Tam?”, I ask my best friend, since the boys will surely not know it.
“Well when I was in fourth grade we had a secret base.”, she tells me. Huh, interesting. “It’s kind of a tradition here in South Park. But the only problem is that any new generation changes the location of the base. I think we need to find a fourth-grade girl to lead us to them.”
“Awesome! This means we can walk all day long if we don’t find someone!”, I groan annoyed, and let my head rest against her shoulder.
Tammy cooes and pets my head.
“There, there, N.K.”
“Erm, big sis?”
Surprised I look up.
Leo is standing before us.
“Hey Leo, what’s up, little bro?”
“Do you remember Annie, the one you helped against the bullies? She is a fourth grader and owes you a favor.”
I blink.
“Oh…I totally forgot! Thanks, Leo! I will send her a message.”
I ruffle his hair, while he smiles cutely up at me.
I choose to take Tammy with me to the fourth-grade girls. Having two elders and no boys will maybe sway them faster in agreeing to help us.
“So…you like King Kyle?”, asks me Tammy with twinkling eyes, as we make our way to City Hall, where Annie is waiting for us.
I blush red.
I know she would tease.
“I’m in a goddamn love triangle, Tam!”, I bemoan my faith to her. “I hate it! It’s the most stupid cliche ever! I like Kyle and also Princess Kenny.”
Now Tammy is blinking rapidly at me.
“Princess Kenny? Huh, that’s kind of funny, my ex-boyfriend was named Kenny too.”
“I think, the princess and your ex are the same.”, I wince. “In real life, she is Kenny McCormick.”
“Oh…!”
“Yep.”
We walk in silence for a while. This is a really awkward situation.
Tammy is the first to find her words.
“N.K. don’t feel bad, you meet Kenny earlier than me. How should you know that he was my boyfriend once?”
“It feels still so…awkward.”
“Listen, me and Kenny ended our relationship as friends, and…you are my best friend, even if we have known each other for such a short time.”, she takes my hand in hers and squeezes it. “What we have is so more…. potent than whatever I had with Kenny. So if you want him, get him. I just want us to stay best friends.”
“Me too, Tam, like sis, I think you are my soulmate!”, I confess to her, squeezing her hand back. “I don’t wanna lose you. You are more important than my two crushes.”
“That’s the sappiest thing anyone ever said to me…I dig it!”
I plant a soft kiss on her cheek, which makes her blush adorable.
So cute.
“I have more of that, but…you really okay if I go for Kenny. If I go…there is still Kyle.”
Now she kisses my cheek and I turn red.
“Yes, really don’t worry.”
At least my relationship with Tammy is safe.
What I should do about Kenny and Kyle is a whole other house number.
Sign.
Why I’m in a stupid love triangle?
Why?
It doesn’t need to be a love triangle, girl…polyamory!
My face turns into a pepperoni.
Where did this thought come from?
I was always monogamous in my relanteship. I never felt the need to date different people at the same time.
Why know?
…Because I can’t fucking decide and thinking about having both Kyle and Kenny as boyfriends turns me so fucking happy.
Uha, better stop now.
There is City Hall and Annie waiting for us.
“Hello N.K. and Tammy, right?”, she greets us.
I nod, while Tammy greets back for us.
“So what can I help you with?”
I explain in short words what shit we are currently dealing with and that we need more girl power to kick Clyde’s ass.
“I see.”, frowns Annie. “I can take you to the fourth-grade girls. But I don't think they'll be very willing to play with boys. Do you wish to speak to them now?”
“Yes, time is a wasting.”
“Then please follow me, N.K. and Tammy.”
And we do just that.
Tammy and I are impressed with what the fourth-grade girls did with the girl bathroom in the playground.
Yes, their secret base is there.
How did they manage to paint it, bring these tables and all this other shit like posters here, I wonder.
A pretty black-haired girl with a lilac barret seems to be the head of the girls since she is the only one sitting at one of the higher tables.
“The four hundred and twelfth meeting of the girls is hereby called to order. Sparkle, Sparkle.”, she proclaims like we are in a trail, even with a little gravel.
“Sunshine!”, responded all the girls.
“Sunshine sparkle, Millie Larsen has the floor.”, says a brunette with a hairband.
This Millie Larsen starts right away: “If it pleases and sparkles, I move that we vote IMMEDIATELY on the urgent matter involving Monica Ryland.”
Agreeing sound from all the girls.
I look at them with fascination. That is so straight, I could nearly puke. But still fascinating. Since I’m bi I have no idea how straight girls think.
Tammy whispers nostalgic to me: “I’m having so many flashbacks.”
I grin at her.
“Excuse me, I'm sorry but I have an urgent matter that I believe needs to be addressed first.”, calls Annie for attention.
“The chair acknowledges Annie.”, says barrett girl.
“Sunshine, sparkle, Annie Knitts has the floor.”
“If it pleases and sparkles, two of our elders from the fifth grade are here to talk with us about a request from the fourth-grade boys.”
Like the good straight girls their age, they play their role of being sick hearing boys nominated. I bet at least half of them already had boyfriends.
“What request do the boys ask of us?”, wants the head girl to know.
“Sunshine, sparkle, I’m Tammy and she is N.K., little sisters.”, answers Tammy for us. “We came here since we are playing an RPG with the boys, but it has gone so out of control that we need more players. You.”
“Erm yes, sunshine sparkle, did I say that right? I’m currently the queen of one of the fractions and I need some Amazons in my kingdom. You pretty and powerful girls wanna help us beat up a stupid boy?”, I add.
“That…is interesting.”, admins the head girl. “I’m Wendy, pleased to meet you two. How did you manage to become queen of the boys?”
The other girls are interested too.
“I beat up Eric Cartman like the little pussy he is.”, I explain.
Awwing sounds all around us.
Wendy smiles nostalgically.
“Ah, reminds me at the time I beat up Cartman. Good times.”
Okay, I already like this Wendy! Anyone who shows the fatass his borders is amazing!
“So you girls wanna be my amazons?”, I ask again. “Anyone who fights against fatass is my type of girl.”
For that I get confused looks…only Wendy seems to get what I mean and blushes.
Oh…someone isn’t as straight as they present themselves?
Right, my black-haired beauty?
I wink at her, which makes her blush more.
“What?! We don't have time for that!”, shouts Millie. “Something VERY big happened and we MUST do something!”
“I know, I thought maybe they could help.”, answers Annie.
“Oh, that's not a bad idea.”, means a cute blond girl with long locks. “I glitter Annie's idea.”
“Sunshine, sparkle. A motion has been glittered to have queen N.K. and?-“
“Lady Tammy.”
“And Lady Tammy help with Monica Ryland.”
Now I’m curious what this could be.
“Well spit it out, girls?”, I tell them, while Tammy nods in agreement.
“All right, your Highness and Lady Tammy, look - there are TERRIBLE RUMORS going around town that our good friend Allie Nelson was spotted at the abortion clinic.”, explains Wendy.
I frown and Tammy gasp shocked.
“I have NEVER been to the abortion clinic! I'm not a whore!”, calls this Allie Nelson into the room.
Tammy looks at her with sympathy and I purse my lips.
I don’t really see the problem with either things.
Like abortion is our right and being a whore is a stupid concept. I mean I call myself a thirsty hoe, but how Allie says whore implies for me she means it in the patriarchy way that girls can’t even kiss two boys without being labeled as dirty and whores, while boys can fuck 50 girls and are the kings of the world.
Did I mention that I hate the patriarchy?
No?
Now, you know.
“We aren't sure, but we think the girl spreading rumors about Allie is Monica Ryland.”, reveals Wendy.
“And then she has the gall to act all nice to me!”, adds Allie.
“We have to know for sure if Monica Ryland is a two-faced bitch or not. If one of you had been a boy we would have done this: we would send Monica a Facebook page with YOUR picture then told her that you're Bebe's boyfriend from Lakewood, and you want to meet her and ask her what the best thing to get Bebe for her birthday would be, and see if Monica tries to hit on you at all because THAT way, we can see if Monica is a manipulative bitch.”
“Right.”, comes from the golden locks’ beauty. So her name is BeBe.
Tammy nods in understanding, while I can just stare at them.
I think I’m going to have a rash from all this straightness, bitchness, patriarchy-infused mind thinking these little fourth-grade girls have going on.
Once again I want to thank the Lord that he made me bi and I don’t have that kind of mindset.
I can’t even comprehend that.
It’s so stupid.
Like we girls should ALL stick together and kick the patriarchy in it’s non existed balls!
The future is female and all that!
Wendy’s voice drags me back from my thoughts: “But since neither of you is a boy, we don’t know what to do.”
“Well, N.K. could dress up as a boy!”, suggests Tammy. “The boys thought for a while she was a boy as she was walking around in her Link Cosplay.”
I turn to Tammy and mouth what the fuck to her. She just shrugs her shoulders.
“Oho really, but you are so pretty!”, compliments me Bebe, but I see the envy in her eyes.
Oh no, I don’t have the nerve for this bullshit.
The other girls agree with her, yet their looks spell the same as Bebe one.
Amazing!
“I can put my Sasuke Uchiha cosplay on, that’s the only other male cosplay I have.”, I grit out from behind my teeth and wish to be anywhere else than here.
“Is he good-looking?”, wants Bebe to know.
Wordless I show her a picture of me in my Sasuke cosplay.
She nods.
“Yes, that will do.”
…I’m going to kill someone. I can’t with this shit.
“Do this task for us, and we will consider your request.”
Thanks, Wendy that you will consider it! And here I thought there was another one who wasn’t straight.
My Bi-Fi needs calibrations.
Wendy hits her gravel and says Sparkle and all, even Tammy, answer with sunshine.
I don’t even wait that Annie accompanied us to the door, I get out alone.
I need to watch/read some Yuri to get away from all this Heteronormativity/Patriarchy/Anti-Feminist I experienced.
Also, I need to change cosplay.
Why do I have a feeling this will be not easy as it seems?
Next
The Stick of Truth
Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!
N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?
Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski
Chapter 14: More trauma, yeah!
“You make a hot Sasuke.”, compliments me, Tammy.
I just give her a deadpan look.
I’m dressed now in my Sasuke Uchiha Cosplay when he was 13 and Genin, and I’m with Tammy on my way to the Park, where this Monica Ryland is waiting for me.
Or should I say, Mike?
I have to give it to the fourth-grade girls. They used one of my cosplay pic I send them to make a fake Facebook page about a boy named Mike from Lakewood with interests and all.
It really looks real.
Let's hope this Monica falls for this “trap” and we get this fast over.
All this is so stupid!
I’m glad that Tammy is my buddy, even if she is being a smart-ass.
“Ah, there look!”, Tammy points at a girl with brown hair in pigtails, who is sitting on a bench. “That must be Monica.”
“All right, let’s get this bread. The sooner we got this over the sooner I can watch some Yuri to get away from this straight stuff!”
“Huh? What is Yuri?”
“…I will tell you another time Tam.”
With that, I signal her to hide behind some trees as I walk up to Monica.
I channel my inner Sasuke. My hands are in the pockets of my white shorts and I have a resting bitch-face on.
“Monica?”, I say her name like a don’t give a fuck.
Well, I really don’t give one, but if this gets me the girls to join our RPG I will do it.
Monica looks at me with this glitter in her eyes I know from people who were interested in me.
Also in N.K., not the cosplay.
Nice to know that this look at least is an universal thing.
Or I wouldn’t get it if she wasn’t into Mike/me.
“Oh Hi… you must be Mike.”, she says in a kinda breathless tone.
I just nod.
She pets the bench to tell me to sit with her. Which I do.
“So. You wanna talk about Bebe, huh? Well, look… Bebe’s my friend. I think she’s really great. I- I don’t know if she’s the end all be all of girls – I mean… she’s a little two-faced if you ask me. But, hey, I read a lot of your Facebook profile, and I think you’re a really interesting boy.”
I can’t even say anything as Bebe, Wendy, and a red-haired girl appear.
Bebe points an accusing finger at Monica.
“A-HA! We knew it! You two-faced manipulative whore!”
“What the heck?!”, shouts Monica surprised.
I just lean back and let the fourth-gradee girls handle this. I don’t care, I just want this over.
“Thank GOD we sent the New Kid to spy on you, huh girls?”, says Wendy in triumph.
“Yeah! Now we KNOW you're a two-faced bitch!”, agrees the red-haired girl.
I normally would swoon since you all know my things for redheads, but these dramatic too straight girls don’t do it for me.
Besides I already have my eyes on the hottest redhead in this town.
It’s Kyle if you weren’t sure.
“What do you mean?”, wonders Monica confused. “You guys are my best friends!”
“Then why are you hitting on MY Facebook boyfriend?”, counters Bebe. “We brought someone else who might be interested!”
Oh okay. Didn’t expect this. A boy my age joins us.
“Monica? What the fuck are you doing?”, he asks her angrily.
Caunt Monica stands up from the bench and waves awkwardly at this boy.
“Uh oh. Hey, Jake.”
“Have fun you two-faced skank!”, calls Wendy over her back as she and her two friends leave.
“Guys, wait! Please! Come back!”
Monica runs after them.
I can’t even enjoy this is over since this Jake thinks I hit on Monica and wants to beat my ass.
Annoyed I just kick him in the balls.
I don’t have time or nerves for this bullshit.
He goes down like a sack of potatoes. Fainted from the pain.
“Jeez, you really are pissed off.”, comments Tammy as she joins my side.
She looks with pity at the downed boy.
I huff.
“Let’s change back into Dark Magician Girl and see if the girls will join us finally.”
“Whatever you say sis.”
We do just that.
The girls are already waiting for us in their base.
“And?”, I ask.
“Queen N.K. we want to thank you for helping us determine whether or not Monica was a two-faced bitch.”, begins Wendy. “She really made us mad, BUT it turns out she couldn't have been the one spreading rumors about Allie Nelson going to the abortion clinic.”
“Yeah. So we made up.”, adds the brunette with the hairband.
And surprise, surprise, there is now Monica sitting at one of the tables.
“You guys are the best.”
I can’t help but facepalm at this stupidity. Tammy pats my shoulder.
I really can’t with this girls.
“You see, the thing is, Heidi Turner was SUPPOSED to put on the Facebook page that you were Bebe’s boyfriend, but she didn’t.”, explains to me, Wendy.
Oh god, like I give a fuck!
“Because Heidi Turner is a two-faced bitch who says she likes me then tries to stab me in the back!”, shouts Monica.
“Right. So we need to know if Heidi Turner is the two-faced bitch who's spreading rumors about Allie being spotted at the abortion clinic.”
“So you still won’t join us if we didn’t find this out, right Wendy?”, it’s not even a question I feel it in my gut.
Wendy nods.
“Indeed. We need someone to go to the abortion clinic. But no one of us can’t do it. We can’t be labeled as sluts!”
Agreeing sounds from all the girls.
Okay, I have enough!
“Oh my god you little prissy nonfeminist straight girls who follow the patriarchy way of life and not fight to change this wrong way!”, I yell angrily and Tammy holds me by my shoulders so I don’t start swinging. “There are worse things in life than being called a whore. Does not never come to your brains that only girls get called whores if they kiss more than one boy, while boys could fuck an entire town and be praised as kings! This is the patriarchy way of controlling us! And you AND YOU JUST FOLLOW ALONG AND DON’T USE YOUR BRAINS?! IS THIS REALLY THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE FOREVER?! YOU WANT YOUR DAUGHTERS TO STILL LIVE THIS WAY?!”
All the girls gasp at me. Even Tammy.
But I’m not done.
“I want you to listen and think about this song lyrics: All day, every day, Therapist, mother, maid. Nymph then a virgin, nurse than a servant. Just an appendage, live to attend him. So that he never lifts a finger. Twenty-four-seven, baby machine. So he can live out his picket fence dreams. It's not an act of love if you make her. You make me do too much labor!”
My singing voice echoes formally in the room. I sang the lyrics from Labor of the amazing Paris Paloma with all the rage we as women should have about our roles in society.
I fix the girls with a hard look. They are clearly lost for words.
“I will go to the abortion clinic as myself because I’m not ashamed to ask for a service which is my right!”, I tell them heatedly. “Believe me, if we didn’t need you to fight on our side I wouldn’t even look at you twice. You are one of the reasons we still have to fight for fucking basic human rights! Let’s go, Tammy.”
Dramatic I exit the girl base, after a second Tammy follows me.
“They made you really angry, huh?”
“Mmh.”
“That song you sang…it really makes you think.”
“Nice to know.”
“You have a nice voice.”
“Thanks. Since I can remember I always sang in the kid’s church choir in the city we lived in this moment.”
“Do you wanna go professional, N.K.? Because you have it to be.”
“…Are we really talking about our dream jobs, Tam?”
“I just…Look the song had an impact, but also it’s hard to think in a different way from now to then. Especially here where all are still so…old-fashion.”
I can’t help to sign, but I pet her shoulder.
“Now don’t stress yourself out. You get this stupid mission over with and then hopefully we have the girls on our side and can kick Clyde’s ass. We can think together later about all day.”, I offer her.
“You meant it?”
“Yes, don’t worry.”
Tammy smiles and gives me a little kiss on the cheek. I can’t help the blush.
Even if she is straight, meaning I will never have a chance with her, she is a beautiful girl.
And nothing is more amazing than getting a kiss from a beautiful girl.
We finally reach Unplanned Parenthood, why do I have the feeling this is a stupid joke on Planned Parenthood?
“You really sure about that?”, can’t Tammy help but ask.
“Yes, I don’t give a fuck.”, I reassure her. “I can go alone in there, I won’t force you to do anything.”
A bittersweet smile appears on her face.
“Oh, not being labeled as whore is already too late for him.”
I can’t even ask what she means by that, as she steps into the clinic. I go after her.
Note to me, ask Tammy later what she meant by that.
We walk up to the counter.
The nurse behind it gives us a friendly smile.
“Hi, here for an abortion? Who of you needs one?”
“That would be me.”, I answer.
“It's okay, don't be scared. The first one's always the scariest. Take room A, second door on your left.”
“Thank you.”
As we want to go through the door the nurse tells us that Tammy can’t come with me.
Patients only.
Tammy gives me a quick hug, whispering: “I see you at the other side.”
I return the hug, whispering back: “I see you at the other side.”
With my head held high, I enter.
On the floor I’m now in I can already see the record room, but there are camera facing it.
Like this I can’t for sure enter, it will probably activate an alarm.
So…I need at least a good enough disguise. The only one I could find here…is a doctor’s one!
Oh, that’s actually perfect.
That means I have to enter one of the patient rooms.
Okay, let’s hope I pick one who is free and no doctor comes in.
I randomly pick a room.
I’m lucky. The room is vacant.
Fast I look around and find…actually child-sized scrubs?
Why would they have this here?
And why do I still stand around and ask myself that when any moment could come to the doctor and then I have to explain myself?
Also on it with the scrubs.
My cosplay goes into my backbag I carry.
I look down at myself.
I look like a child playing doctor, hopefully, for the cameras, this will be enough.
Back on the floor a see a doctor who seems confused and mumbles something about where his patient is.
Who wants to bet with me that this doctor would have done the abortion on me?
I act like I belong here and walk straight to the records room.
Thank god my disguise works, I can enter without problems.
I don’t have to look around a lot to find the records the girls want.
I take my phone out and take photos of any important page.
That’s when I hear a ruckus coming from one of the air ventilation. Confused what this could be I look up…and Mr. Marsh drops into the room?!
Huh?
“Mr. Marsh?”
“Agh! Dammit! Oh, it's YOU! Thank God!”, he seems relieved to see me and walks over to me. “Something STRANGE is going on here! The PTA reviewed that tape you got us. Taco Bell has something called a Plan B. They've been here looking through these records. But... why would they be interested in the gynecological files of the women of South Park?”
I don’t know if he wants an answer from mine or not, since the door to the records room opens.
Two of the Men-in-black are here!
Oh shit!
“I'm afraid now you know too much.”, say’s the one without sunglasses, then he talks into a Walkie-Talkie. “We have two more asking a lot of questions.”
“Deal with them QUIETLY. We can't let anyone find out what we were doing there.”, this is the answer out of the Walkie-Talkie.
I cold shiver goes over my body. Not only because I’m close to seeing my creator but…I know this voice! I heard it before! And it doesn’t make me feel good.
“Before you kill us tell us why. Why is Taco Bell taking the records of women's vaginas in South Park?”, asks Mr. Marsh.
I don’t know if he really wants to know that or if he is trying to buy us some time.
Whatever, the little device the men-in-black with sunglass holds starts to beep frantically.
“I'm picking up some hot readings on the ESRB.”, sunglasses informs his colleagues.
“Tell us! What do women's vaginas and Doritos Locos Tacos have in common?!”, shouts Mr. Marsh in between.
Not that they two men-in-black care.
“The ESRB is going crazy!”
“Oh shit! There's an outbreak here! WE HAVE CONTAMINATION IN SECTOR SEVEN! ALL UNITS TO SECTOR SEVEN NOW!”
Suddenly a lot of men-in-black appear with soldiers on their sides and run around the floor like chickens whom you cut off their heads.
“Secure the entire building! Put that woman in restraints.”
The nurse gets grapped as the doctor I saw before joins in.
“What's going on?”
“Taco Bell security. Your clinic is infected with the Nazi Zombie Virus.”
“Nazi zombies?! That's ridiculous! AND bigoted! I happen to be German!”
“HE'S ONE OF THEM!”
The poor doctor gets shoot and looks now more like Swiss cheese.
I feel like throwing up!
All is going to shit!
“Tell people... what you saw here today.”, cries the doctor to me.
The door to the records rooms closes and I blink in the darkness.
“Mr. Marsh?”, I call out.
Awesome.
He left me.
You can’t really count on adults in this town!
I need to get the fuck out of here!
I look around the room and find a mousehole.
Ah, yes, this will do. I have the magic glitter from the Underpants Gnomes!
I shrink myself and enter it.
I walk through the underground of the clinic. I can hear the soldier and men-in-black shouting.
Before me are…Nazi-Zombie rats?!
Of course!
I shot at the pipe above them, so the soldier takes care of them. I do the same with the Nazi-Zombie Underpants Gnomes I encounter.
After a while reach a fuse and jump out of it.
…Why is Mr. Marsh dressed up as a woman sitting in one patient chair?
What happens in the next minutes I never want to talk or think about it again.
It’s just too fucked up.
I only say this.
I didn’t know what do to and I’m thankful I did it somehow right since the men-in-black leave Mr. Marsh and me alone.
Aka. don’t kill us.
They tell us to leave the building.
Mr. Marsh waves me away. I should go alone, he needs…time.
I don’t blame him.
So you guys know where I can buy some brain bleach?
I step out of the room into the corridor.
But it seems we didn’t reach the fucked-up level today since Nazi-Zombie fetus attack the men-in-black and kill them!
I’m just…I’m standing here regretting all my life choices.
I wanna go back to Seattle where things were normal and sane!
I hear above me rumors.
It’s Leo!
He is picking his head in.
“I'm here for you, big sis!”, he calls.
Then he tries to jump to the ground without hurting himself.
It doesn’t work.
“God dammit.”
“Leo, are you all right?”, I ask him, helping him up.
He nods.
“Wait for me!”
Tammy jumps down too.
“Sis!”
I’m happy these two are here!
“Look at that little fella!”, points Leo at a Nazi Zombie Fetus who eats one of the men-in-black. “Are those little babies sucking blood?”
“These are fetuses actually, Butters.”, corrects him Tammy, looking at them in a kind of weird fascination.
“Nazi-Zombie fetuses.”, I add.
“Amazing! What’s next? One of our friends turns into a Nazi-Zombie?!”, wonders Tammy.
“Oh hamburgers, I sure hope don’t.”
“Tammy, Leo, we probably have to fight our way out of here. Just let’s go before it gets, even more, crazier here.”
The two agree and we make haste to leave the clinic.
Of course, we have to face off against the little Nazi Zombie fetus to reach the exit. Also, we need to walk through the air vent, thank god the Underpants Gnome glitters works for my buddies too, and we can see how the Nazi Zombie fetuses completely obliterated the men-in-black and soldiers.
When we finally reach the exit the fucked-up meter reaches its boiling point since we have to fight the aborted giant Nazi Zombie fetus of Khloe Kardashian.
Good that we are three people.
Also, Leo has a new sweet move that turns him into this buff and tall anime dude with cool powers.
I so need to learn it!
I wanna be an anime too!
In the end, we defeat the fetus and get out of the clinic.
Let’s get see if the girls are ready to join us!
The faster we know this, the sooner I can take a shower and cry.
I will need a LOT of therapy to process all this trauma today.
I’m back in my Dark Magician Girl cosplay and have my arms crossed. Tammy beside me smiles nervously at the fourth-grade girls.
We are back at their base.
Now let’s see what they have to tell us.
I noted that the girls are looking at me with a kind of…fear at me. I probably shook their whole worldview.
Good.
Maybe they will change for the better.
Wendy starts to talk after a few minutes of us standing around: “Queen N.K., the fourth-grade girls are very thankful for you texting us the abortion records.”
“We are one step away from finding out which girl among us is a two-faced bitch.”, adds Bebe.
“Unfortunately, the record keeper at the abortion clinic is from Paris and so everything is written in French.”
Of course.
“Whoever this two-faced skank is thinks she can outsmart us!”, curses Millie.
“We want to help you and the boys play your game, but we just can't have a two-faced bitch out there on the loose. Just get these documents translated for us, and we PROMISE we will join your army.”, promises Wendy. “Sparkle.”
“Sunshine!”
I roll my eyes.
Me losing my nerves at them didn’t make them overthink all this. They still are in their hurtful mindset, they are just now scarred by me.
Wordless I take Tammy by the hand and lead her out of the base.
I know when fighting is useless, even if I really want to punch out of them all this patriarchy bullshit.
Let’s see if the boys no someone who can talk French and translate the documents for us.
Next
The Stick of Truth
Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!
N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?
Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski
Chapter 15: Blame Canada!
When we return to the Elven Kingdom I call out: “Guy’s, council meeting now!”
All, even Cartman, gather around me.
“What is it, queen N.K.?”, asks King Kyle.
“I did a lot of shit for the girls but they still aren’t ready to play with us.”, I begin and hand him over the document from the abortion clinic. “I need to get this translated. Anyone of you can do this?”
Stan reads over Kyle’s shoulder a loud: “Cinq femmes ont sobi un avortement... what language is that?”
“I think it’s French.”, I say.
“It's some kind of strange Orcish.”, Cartman is still full in the RPG. “I've seen this language before... In the Kingdom to the North.”
“Kingdom to the North?”, I repeat confused.
“Oooh, the Kingdom to the North...”, expresses Leo in awe.
“Guys, New Girl here what is the Kingdom to the North?”
“Canada.”, answers me, Princess Kenny.
I blink and then I frown at the guys.
“Are you telling me I have to go to Canada to get this shit to translate?”, I curse annoyed. “I don’t have a passport, I can’t enter another country.”
“You don’t have a passport, big sis?”, ask me Leo suprised, but I can see that all are wondering why I don’t have one.
I cross my arms.
“My parents only like to move around America, they never feel the need to travel to another country. Which sucks because I would love to visit Japan one day.”
It’s still for a few seconds.
“Your parents are weird.”, declares Tammy.
I can only nod in agreement.
Surprisingly Cartman waddles over a toy box and fishes out a passport.
“I’m only doing this since we need this bitches to fight with us, bitch!”, he explains and hands me the passport. “Your name is no longer traitorous lying whore, it is now 'Larry Bobinski', from Cleveland.”
“I will kick your ass another time you hater.”, I promise and put the passport in backbag.
It needs a photo.
So first get a passport photo and then try to find a way to Canada.
“The quickest way to the Kingdom to the North is through the Lost Forest. Head north, then north again. North... a-and then north.”, tells me, Kyle.
I just give him a disbelieving look.
Isn’t Canada like far away from us?
“All right. Who wants to join me?”, I ask aloud.
“It would be an honor to fight with you queen N.K.”, offers King Kyle.
Oh god!
I can help but blush.
Me and Kyle.
Alone.
Adventuring.
Ah!
“It would be my honor if you come with me, King Kyle.”, I managed to get out.
Tammy is wiggling her eyebrows at me. I send her a look.
Stop it, goddammit.
“I would like to come too.”
…Did I hear right?
Surprised I turn to Princess Kenny.
“You want to come with us my lady?”, I can’t help but ask.
The princess nods and sends King Kyle an angry look. The king looks confused back.
…Oh no, don’t tell me this is some jealous shit!
I thought me and Kenny were on the same page that we just have fun together and not more.
Does it me she actually likes me?
Or doesn’t she want any of her friends to be close to me?
Oh god, I already feel a headache form.
In the end, Princess Kenny and King Kyle accompanied me on my quest.
Kyle is civil with the Princess, while she looks ready to scratch his eyes out.
Of course, Kyle is confused about that, but he doesn’t ask what’s going on.
Hopefully, it stays this way.
I don’t need more drama.
I already beat up a fucking pedophile at the Photo Dojo. That motherfucker pretend to be the photograph, but when he started to ask me to take my clothes off I kicked his ass.
Thank god the real photograph was still there, even if bonded in ropes which of course we freed him from, and I got my passport photo.
We are walking through the Lost Forest on our way to Canada.
It’s awkward as hell, I won’t lie.
I would love to get to know Kyle better and joke around with Kenny, but the vibes that are going on stop me.
Damn, if this will be like this if I don’t make a decision then I can invest in a lot of anti-headache pills.
“There is the border.”, brings me King Kyle’s voice back from my thoughts.
There really is standing a lonely Mountie on the border control.
….Something weird is going on.
Colorado doesn’t border on Canada, what is with Wyoming and Montana? Did the Lost Forest make us walk through two whole states?!
I ask how, HOW, is this possible.
It’s then that the Mountie sees us, calling out: “HALT! This is as far as you go, buddy! Ahead of you lies the great kingdom of Canada! It is accessible only to the most noble and valiant of people.”
Wordlessly we three hand him our passports.
“Ah, I see you kids have each a passport! The papers appear to be in order. Very well, I hereby grant thee access to the great nation of Canada! OPEN THE GATE!”
Nothing happens.
We deadpan at the Mountie. Dude, you are all alone who should do it if not you?
“Oh, I'll do it. Hold on. There we go.”
The gate is open and we step foot in Canada.
Okay, now it gets, even more, weirder and crazier.
All looks suddenly so pixel-y, like an old NES RPG.
…What kind of drugs I am on? And who gave me drugs in the first place?
“I’m not the only one who sees this?”, I ask my two buddies.
“Meh, Canada was always weird.”, tells Kenny.
Kyle nods in agreement.
I raise an eyebrow.
“You have been here before?”
They both nod but don’t say more.
Ooookkkkkaaaaayyyy.
Let’s just roll with it and get this done.
We enter the city of Ottowa, making our way to the big ass mansion there.
In it, we get to meet the Prince and Princess of Canada. Didn’t know Canada was still a monarchy, but whatever.
The prince tells us to seek out the Earl of Winnipeg, who knows where the langue of the document aka. French is spoken.
He also warns us of Dire Wolves in the wilderness of Canada.
You know what Dire Wolves are, right?
They are like wolves…only Dire.
So we make our way to Winnipeg.
It doesn’t take us long since it’s practically on the left.
Isn’t Canada a bigass country?
Why is all so convenient near us?
Questions over questions and no answers in sight.
Maybe it’s better I stop questioning things since I will probably turn crazy in trying to find an answer.
The Earl of Winnipeg only wants to help us, after we kill the Dire Bears, who roam the city.
You know what Dire Bears are right?
I and my two crushes take care of them fast. We three make a good team.
Polyamory!
Shut up, brain not right now!
After we hand the Earl of Winnipeg the Dire Bear Pelts, he tells us that the document is written in the language of Eastern Canadian. The Minister of Montreal can translate it. But lucky as we are the Prince of Canada imprisoned the Minister of Montreal in the caverns of Quebec.
Why simply, when it can be complicated?
Back to the Prince also.
“I can’t believe we have to assassinate the Bishop of Banff so we can get out the Minister of Montreal!”, I shout.
Here we go again with fucked up shit.
“The Prince of Canada doesn’t seem like to change his mind.”, signs Princess Kenny.
“Maybe we will find another way?”, wonders King Kyle.
“Let’s talk with the Bishop.”, I tell them. “I don’t wanna kill someone. Maybe he has an idea.”
We reach Banff and go to the church, where the Bishop is praying.
“Excuse me, Father?”, I call out to him. “We need to talk to you urgently.”
“Oh three young Americans, how can I help you with? Someone of you wants to get married to the other?”, he really asks us.
We all turn red.
“Erm no, we are all just friends.”
I feel how Kenny is literally burning me with her look.
There I have my answers.
Kenny wants more.
Oh, dear.
Meanwhile, Kyle shyly looks at me.
….Wait! I know that look!
Kyle is into me too?!
OH MY LORD, THEY BOTH WANT ME?!
I would lie if this is not an enormous ego boost, but it complicates things just.
Polyamory, Polyamory!
Will you shut up brain?!
This will never work!
“Oh I see, so what seems the trouble children?”, wants the Bishop to know.
“The Prince of Canada wants to assassinate you.”, I explain, while he gasp scarred. “He wants as a probe for your death your balls.”
“Then I'll go away, the Prince will never know I'm alive. Please. Take these dire pig testicles, and tell the Prince they're mine.”
He holds out to me the pig testicles.
Disgusted I reach out to grab them, yet Princess Kenny is faster and takes them.
“A queen shouldn’t touch something like this.”, she simply says at my questioning look.
I hear Kyle mumbling something like not bad dude.
Oh god, they will not start to compete with each other!
Or?!
The Bishop is happy that he gets to live and we return to the Prince of Canada.
As it turns out the Prince is a giant asshole and won’t free the Minster of Montreal. Since without him and the Bishop he is now free do to as he pleases.
Before I can kick his royal ass, he leaves.
Fucker!
At least the Princess wants to help. She tells us to speak with the Duke of Vancouver. He can help us to get into the Catacombs of Quebec. She hands me a letter I shall give him.
Okay, then let’s go to Vancouver.
Did you think we finally can enter the catacombs and free the Minister after speaking with the Duke?
Yes?
Then you will be disappointed.
The Duke tells us to brave the Catacombs of Quebec we need to learn sorcery from some Monks who live in Vancouver.
How the heck could monks help us with this?!
I regret my words when we meet the monks.
They are nonother than Terrance and Phillip!
Gaah!
I wanna fangirl so bad!
“Who are you?”, ask me, Terrance.
I can’t get any word out, I’m too busy not to scream from happiness and ask sobbing for an autograph.
“Perhaps she is the American everyone is talking aboot, Terrance.”, guesses Phillip.
“Nah can't be. She can't be a master of spellcraft, she doesn't even know magic.”
“She probably doesn't even know how to fart.”
….So they wanna see some farts?
I never thought I would be this glad to have learned so many farts, but right now I am.
I show them my Dragenshout, Cup-A-Spell, and Sneaky Squeaker.
“Very impressive.”, praises Phillip. “She is worthy of our training after all.”
“Yes.”, agree Terrance. “Prepare thyself, child. It is time for you to learn some TRUE magic.”
And then they fart on me!
I won’t lie I’m only not offended and totally disgusted because TERRANCE AND PHILLIP FARTED ON ME!
THAT’S SO COOL!
THESE ARE BRAGGING RIGHTS!
I faint and wake up in an all-white room.
Terrance and Phillip look like they belong to the Matrix Trilogy.
So cool.
They teach me this powerful fart named Nagasaki.
After I master it, we are back in their cabin and they become even my Facebook friends!
That’s better than an autograph!
With a bow to my fart senseis, I drag Kyle and Kenny Catacombs of Quebec.
Nagasaki clears the way which was blocked by a boulder and after we killed some Dire Animals, we finally find the Minister of Montreal.
We free him.
He shouts something happily in French.
I guess probably something like I’m free.
“Erm Monsieur, can you translate this?”, I ask him, hoping he at least understands English.
Thank the lord he does.
The Minister is really a good fella, as Leo would say. Fast he translates the documents and then adds me as a Facebook friend.
We are finally done here in Canada!
Back to the girls now.
Tammy joined me again at the Secret Base of the fourth-grade girls and get help herself to tease me that I was alone with Kenny and Kyle.
I can tell her 100000 times that nothing happened, besides me realizing that both boys seem to like me a lot, Tam is having too much fun to make me blush…with her ideas.
I formally hiss at her to be quiet since the fourth-grade girls are reading now the translated document.
Even if I hate all this straight drama, I worked my ass off to get this done.
I wanna know too who is this two-faced bitch.
It’s a cute girl named Heidi Turner.
They call her really bad names and at the same moment forgive her since she is sorry.
Again I can only facepalm at this stupidy.
I’m done with them.
At least they finally, FINALLY, will join us in our fight.
A salute them and drag Tammy out with me.
Before we rejoin the boys I need some time alone with my best friend.
We decide to sit on a park bench, and just enjoy the sun rays on our skin. I lay with my head on Tammy’s lap, while she pets my hair.
She is humming a small melody.
It’s so relaxing.
“I wish you weren’t straight.”, I mumbled to her. “Then I would just date you and don’t have this problem with Kenny and Kyle.”
Tammy laughs.
“I feel honored, but N.K., is it really so difficult to decide whom you like better?”
“I like them equally, that never happened before. Maybe I just should let it be. If I can’t decide it isn’t meant to be.”
I hear how she takes out her phone and tips something at it.
“Mmh, why don’t you try polyamory?”, she actually says to me! “I have googled your problem and all say love triangles are shit and polyamory is the best solution. You know, it is interesting. You can just date both and no problem.”
“Besides that, both maybe don’t want that?”
“Beside that.”
Should I say it?
Well, if I can’t tell Tammy then I can’t tell no one.
“Me dating Kyle and Kenny at the same time is nice but…even nicer would be if we all just dated each other, but this will never happen since both are straight and I don’t think they would go for each other.”
After my confession, Tammy is quiet for a few seconds till she mumbles: “You know…Kyle and Kenny together sounds hot. I’m getting all tingling.”
“That’s Yaio.”
“Huh?”
“BoysXBoys love, a manga genre. Yuri is GirlsXGirls.”, I explain.
“Ah right, you wanted to explain that.”
Again silence is over us.
“N.K. the only advice I can give you if you won’t try out polyamory, just stay friends with the boys till you have more feelings for one of them.”
I sign, but I nod.
Maybe that’s for the best.
My perfect fantasy of us three dating each other is just that.
A fantasy.
I stand up, helping Tammy from the bench.
“Let’s go to the boys.”
We are back in the Elven Kingdom and I told King Kyle that the girls stopped being difficult and have joined us.
Happily, he announces to anyone: “Everyone listens up! The girls have agreed to fight by our side!”
“Huzzah!”, all scream relieved.
“The pirates and the Federation factions are standing by to fight as well, my Lord!”, informs Stan.
“Then the time for talk is over!”, proclaims Cartman. “Let us all make haste to CLYDE'S HOUSE!”
“Let’s kick his ass! This will be an epic beat-down!”, I add.
With battle screams, we all run out of the Elven Kingdom.
We are coming for you, Clyde!
Say goodbye to your power and the Stick of Truth!
Next
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The Stick of Truth
Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!
N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?
Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski
Welcome to the semi-last and longest chapter!
We will have a little epilog after that and then start with book two”
I hope you will enjoy it.
Chapter 16: Let’s fighting Love!
The Dark Fortress of Clyde looms in the background as King Kyle and I stand before our people and alias.
This…this is the Endgame.
We all feel it in the air.
Dramatically wind makes our clothes and hair sway as King Kyle speaks: “Today, we are not elves and humans! Today... we fight as ONE!”
“Years later from now on, children will talk and sing about our heroic effort to defeat the Dark Lord Clyde!”, I add. “Let us besiege the army of darkness with the courage of amazons! Let us delve into their dungeon with swords and sorcery!”
“Let us charge our shields and use photon torpedos to vaporize the Klingons!”
A record scratches formally.
I just blink at Kevin Stoley, the one I found the IPad of his dad by the church, returning it to him.
I’m not sure what to say.
For once in a lifetime Cartman interference is welcome. He standing beside Leo, facepalming.
“Kevin, god dammit. Every fucking time, Kevin. God fucking dammit, seriously.”
“I'm sorry.”
“It’s okay.”, I get my bearings back and wave. “Armies of justice and light! PREPARE! Are you ready?!”
I hear loud yeses and agreeing shouts.
“Then... let's kick Clyde’s ass!”
Like an unstoppable tidal wave, we storm the front door of Clyde’s home, while his dad stands beside it, staring at us in confusion.
We enter the garden and the epic battle begins!
It was early on decided that me, King Kyle, Princess Kenny, Lady Tammy, Paladin Leo, Bard Jimmy, and Wizard Fatass would take care of Clyde.
Ranger Stan of course too, but for the moment he helped the Pirates, led by Maplebeard, who is a cute Canadian kid and King Kyle’s brother, get us inside the fortress from outside, while we storm it from the inside.
We battle, we solve riddles, and we climb the tower higher and higher.
Craig awaits us with three Nazi Zombie cows, but we can take away two.
The thief and his cow were nothing.
Ranger Stan joins us now and we continue on.
Clyde has to be in the next room!
But surprise, surprise waiting for us is…
“Dad? What the hell are you doing here?”, asks Stan Mr. Marsh.
“Oh! It's my favorite kid!”, yells Mr. Marsh and kneels down before me. Dude…that’s so not okay to say this when your son is standing right there! “Listen, I found out what they were doing at the women's clinic! They were looking for a candidate to put a snuke into! They're going to nuke ALL OF SOUTH PARK!”
“A snuke?”, repeats King Kyle shocked.
We all feel this too.
That’s so not good at all.
“You boys and girls don't understand. They've put the snuke HERE.”
Even better!
“Who did?”
“Whomever these people are CLAIMING to be Taco Bell! We should've known. We should have known Taco Bell is far too compassionate and caring to be so secretive. The quality of their character, like the quality of their food, should have never come into question.”
“Dad, where is the woman with the snuke?”
“They didn't put it in a woman.”
Mr. Marsh leads us to the person.
It’s Mr. Slave!
He is bonded on a pillar without pants, but thank god his tank top cowers his privates.
Another trauma I don’t need.
“All I remember was that there were these big government guys, and they wrestled me to the floor at my house! And then I remember thinking, well this is fun, but wait, is that a thermonuclear device?”, tells us Mr. Slave what happened to him. “I had some drinks so putting a thermonuclear device up my ass wasn't COMPLETELY out of the question... oh Jesus Christ, how long do I have?!”
“We don't know, Mr. Slave, but it could be a matter of MINUTES.”, answer him, Mr. Marsh.
“Well, what are you waiting for? Pull it out!”
Mr. Slave turns his behind in our direction.
What the fuck?!
It’s not like we can just pull it out of the ass!
But this shows how stupid Cartman actually is because he tries.
TRIES, in big letters, since Kyle slaps his hand away.
“No! We can't just pull it out! Snukes have triggers on them! We have to abort it -- from inside.”
“Oh COME ON! Who knows how to do abortions AND can get really really small?”, counters Fatass.
…I don’t like where this is going.
All beside Tammy have now a thinking face going on, asking who could do this, while we two girls argue non-verbal.
Tammy really wants me to get small, climb in Mr. Slaves’ ass and abort the snuke.
I make clear I don’t wanna do this fucked up shit and if this is so important, she can do it.
It goes like this for a few seconds, till Tammy makes at me the best puppy dog eyes and puckers her lips at me.
…I’m a thirsty hoe…if she really will give me a kiss…oh god…I’m actually doing it!
Gritting my teeth I step forward but grip Tammy by the hand and before she can make it clear that she doesn’t want to join me, I shrink us both.
“Oh, look! The girls are all small.”, points out Mr. Slave.
“Wow, this kid is just FULL of surprises! Quick! Get up there and disarm the snuke! Hurry!”
“No need to tell us twice, Mr. Marsh!”, I call back and formally drag Tammy with me.
“Oh, be careful girls. I might have also put some bats up there the other night.”, warns Mr. Slave.
Tammy gives up and faces her destiny.
She knows without me she can’t grow big again, so she is stuck anyway.
So…yeah we enter a man’s body through his asshole.
Ladies and gentlemen we didn’t reach the Fucked-Up-Meter, we completely obliterated it!
“I hate you so much right now!”, growls Tammy at me.
“Hey, you wanted me to go up this ass! Do you really think I would go alone? Someone has to suffer with me.”, I simply say.
“Fucking shit! Let’s get this over with!”, angry she follows the anal channel? Is it called so? “Next time you take one of your boy toys.”
“They didn’t promise me a kiss.”
I follow after her.
“I regret that too.”
We don’t go far since…a frog with a crown stops us?
What?
What does Mr. Slave put in his ass?
“New Kid and follower, you must find a way out of this place or you will surely die.”, tells us this Frog King. “The way behind you is blocked by the large sphincter. Make haste to the large intestine! All will be made clear to you then!”
Geez, thanks for that information you strange thingy.
Tammy and I side-eye each other and then shrug our shoulders.
Whatever let’s go.
As we make our way through Mr. Slaves’ ass I could swerve someone is singing a song for me about this adventure.
Maybe I have gone gaga.
After what I experienced these days and now this, it wouldn’t surprise me.
Also, Mr. Slave has a lot of things up his ass.
Like a creepy hand puppet with a Zylinder, corn, and even his own phone.
I don’t have words for all this literary shit.
We kill some Nazi Zombie Bacteria, because of course, why shouldn’t he have this up his ass also, free the bat Mr. Slave warned us, as we encounter another spectral being.
It’s a bird.
“I am the Sparrow Prince.”
A sparrow.
Sure, why not?
I already lost all hope in humanity.
“Like you, I was once used for pleasure as an anal plaything, and thus perished in this place. Now you must defeat my angry spirit in order to move forward. I know I don't really sound that angry, but trust me, I am.”
Of course, we need to battle it.
OF COURSE!
The battle is tough I won’t lie, but Tammy and I are unstoppable together.
We defeat the Sparrow Prince.
“You have proven yourself in combat, young anal plaything. You may journey forth. Find the snuke's trigger and save the outside world. Fare thee met and fare thee well.”
And…he is gone.
Tammy rubs her forehead.
“I will need lots of therapy after this whole shit.”
“Yeah, I was planning an making an appointment next week, wanna come with me?”
Sick of all this we continue on.
Okay, I admit it’s a bit of a surprise finding soldiers guarding Mr. Slaves’ asshole.
“Armed guards? What are they doing here?”, wonders the Frog King.
He and the Sparrow Prince appeared at our sides.
“Whoever seeks to blow up the city clearly doesn't want anyone stopping them.”
“You must get past them, New Kid. Go fuck ‘em up.”
“No need to tell me twice.”
Did I really talk with the two spectral beings?
God, when is this finally over?
Tammy and I defeat the soldiers and finally there is the fucking snuke!
We are so close to ending this!
A new spectral being appears before us.
It’s some kind of fish. Since he lives in a gay man, does it make it a gay fish?
“Hello, New Kid. I... am Catatafish.”
Catatafish of the stomach's cove.
There is again the singing!
“The trigger of the thermonuclear device lies before you. I have tried to solve its riddle, but I have been unable to disarm it.”
Catatafish riddle will soon be told.
“There are only moments to spare. Find a way to disengage the trigger, or all will be lost.”
“Ready to abort this thing?”, ask me, Tammy.
“Let’s get this bread!”
One good thing, aborting the snuke is not as creepy, sick, and disgusting as the other one I did today.
As thank you for the successful abortion Mr. Slave sneezes me and Tammy out of his body.
Well, the mouth is better than the way we came in at least. The three spectral beings who live in Mr. Slaves’ ass appear again, thank me and gift me a crown.
I wait till they vanish to throw it away.
I don’t wanna know where it was and I want to forget all this ever happened.
I make Tammy and myself grow big again.
“Great job!”, praises Mr. Marsh. “You disarmed the snuke. South Park is saved.”
We, girls, give a tired thumbs up.
“Yes. Now let's finish this, bitch. Let's beat Clyde once and for all, and take back the Stick of Truth!”
“Cartman I warn you, my tolerance is really low right now. If you don’t want that I fucking kill you, stop insulting me!”
This shuts him up or maybe my crazy death serious look and our group moves forward to finally face Clyde.
We enter his dark throne room.
Clyde is standing beside a container with the Nazi Zombie goo.
“Fools! You thought you could conquer the Fortress of Darkness!”
“Clyde! Back away from that stuff!”, warns Stan.
“Oh, but I have yet to complete my army! You have come to witness the power of darkness!”
“Stop! Clyde!”, plead King Kyle. “You have no idea what that stuff is!”
“Yeah huh, it's green sauce from Taco Bell. I took it from their construction site.”
“Dude, that's not Taco Bell sauce.”, informs Stan.
“Then why'd I find it at Taco Bell?”
“It leaked out of a UFO, Clyde! It's toxic goo from another galaxy! Think about it! Since when does Taco Bell have a green sauce, dude?”, tells him Cartman.
“Actually, since about a year ago.”, answer him King Kyle, like Fatass asked this really and it wasn’t a rhetorical question.
Me and Tammy roll our eyes as the boys talk about this green sauce of Taco Bell and Clyde being all triumphal since he thinks it’s really this green Taco Bell sauce and not the alien goo.
“Oh my god, can you all stop!”, I shout, losing my nervs. “I crawled up a gay man’s asshole to abort a fucking snuke! I just wanna take a long bad and go to bed and try to forget all this shit. Clyde as the current queen of Kupa Keep give me the fucking Stick of Truth back or I will come over and kick you so hard in the balls that you will talk the rest of your life in a high-pitched voice!”
All the boys make a face at my threat, while Tammy nods in agreement.
“And I will kick too, when she is done!”, she promises.
Clyde is battling for a second with himself, you can clearly see it, but having the Stick of Truth gives him balls.
“You can try, but I have a little surprise for you!”
He lets the green goo flow into a coffin.
…Okay, why didn’t I see it before?
The person who lies in the coffin punches a hole through it and sits up.
It’s a…Nazi-Zombie Chef who sings: “I'm gonna make love to you womannnn...”
All my friends scream, while I just have a WTF-Face.
While we fight him, my friends tell me that he was once the Chef of Elementary School and a good friend of theirs.
Makes me sad for them, that they have to fight their friend.
In the end, Clyde is not happy with Chef’s performance as Nazi Zombie and fucking lits him on fire!
Since I don’t have another choice I send a Dragenshout at him, putting him to rest again.
Now Clyde knows he is fucked and tries to escape, but Fatass blocks him.
“Your eons of torment are at an end, ruler of darkness!”, growls Fatass.
“Um, okay, um, you know what, I'm not playing anymore.”, whines Clyde.
Hah, in the end, he is a little pussy.
“You have broken the rules of the Stick and for that I banish thee. I banish thee...from SPACE AND TIME!”
With that Cartman Sparta kicks Clyde away. He flies off the balcony to the ground below.
Fuck yes, it’s over!
Finally!
“We did it dude!”, shouts Stan happy.
King Kyle turns to me and takes my hands in his.
I blush like a tomato. Doesn’t help that Tammy wiggles her eyebrows at me.
“Dark Magician Queen N.K., your long journey ends here. For all your deeds, and all your time put into this, we all agreed-“
“-Hesitantly-“, calls Cartman in between with a deadpan look, but doesn’t stop it what is happening right now.
“-We all agreed that you shall be the ruler of us all! From now on you will be Dark Magician Empress N.K., the rightful ruler over Zaron and Larnion. Over humans and elves!”
I gasp shocked, while all applaud me, beside Cartman, who just rolls his eyes, but I don’t care.
I don’t care!
They made me Empress, ruler of all the kingdoms!
I can’t.
I look at Tammy and she nods.
Now I know why she said I should bring this along with me…
“Give us a sec!”, tells Tammy, the boys.
We hide together behind a pillar.
Tammy helps me to take off my Dark Magician Girl Cosplay and put on another one.
In my new cosplay I step back to the boys.
All gasp in wonder and I smile prettily.
“Neo Queen Serenity!”, claps Princess Kenny excitedly. “Even with her silver hair!”
Oh god, does this mean, Kenny is a Sailor Moon Fan?! Cool!
I curtesy before my people.
“I will be the best Empress to you and all residents of Zaron and Larnion.”, I promise.
“Quickly, now let's get the Stick back to safety before anyone can do –“
King Kyle can’t even finish his sentence as helicopters appear. From every corner soldiers come…even Eye-Patch-Grandpa is with them!
“We've got her, we've got the Dragonborn.”, shouts Eye-Patch-Grandpa.
Erm…what?
I have suddenly a bad feeling in my stomach.
“The Dragonborn?”, repeats Fatass confused. “What the -- who, what?”
“You can’t run away this time Dragonborn!”, declares Eye-Patch-Grandpa and picks up the Stick of Truth!
“He has the Stick of Truth!”, yells Fatass.
King Kyle turns to me.
“How does this guy know you, Dark Magician Empress N.K.?”
I…I can’t answer him…I’m shaking…I feel like throwing up!
“N.K.?”, whispers Tammy worried, and takes one of my cold hands in hers.
“Dark Magician Empress N.K.? Is THAT what you told them your name was? Why didn't you tell them your REAL name – CODENAME: DOVAHKIIN!”
I…I breath heavy…I’m so…so scarred…flashes are before my eyes…flashes of this man…of these man hunting me!
Even Kyle sees now that I’m ready to freak out and takes my other hand in his.
“N.K., what’s wrong?”
I just grip Tammy and Kyle’s hands tight. I can’t speak! I’m so terrified.
“You don't remember, do you?”, asks Eye-Patch-Grandpa. Well, not really. “How we tried to find you?”
“Look, that Stick belongs with the fighters of Zaron!”, makes Stan clear to him. “Give it back!”
“Fighters of Zaron? Boys and girls what's going on here is much more complex than that. This isn't the first time a UFO has crashed on Earth. You see, in 1947 a UFO crashed in Roswell, New Mexico...”
“Oh, god.”, groans Wizard Fatass.
“Oh, brother, spare us.”, begs Stan annoyed.
“Hang on a sec. A UFO crashed in Roswell and a new government agency was created to investigate the paranormal. Our Agency.”
“Can we skip this? Like, hit the skip button or something?”, wonders Cartman.
“Oh, you don't want to skip this.”
“Yes, we do.”
“Whenever aliens are spotted, vampires run amok, our agency is there and we have never lost a fight. That is...until eleven years ago a certain child was born.”
“Yawn yawn yawn.”
“A child who had an unnatural power inside her. I had been ordered by the President to turn her into an even more powerful weapo, than she already was. So we experimented on her and were successful. The ultimate weapon! But thanks to her parents she slipped through our hands.”
“The government wants the N.K. for her farts?”, say’s Kyle in disbelieve.
“That's dumb.”, adds Stan.
“Her farts? No. Her amazing ability to make friends so quickly on any social network. The day she was born she already had 10 million followers on Facebook. Before she was 5 years old she had 3.2 billion friends on Facebook alone. Do you have any idea the power that kind of gift yields in today's world? It's time to come with us, Dovahkiin. Time to stop resisting and use your gifts for your country.”
“Is he really still talking?”, asks Cartman done with everything.
“Are we really so different, you and I, Dovahkiin?”
“…What about my Magical Girl form?”, I finally found my voice again and…I remember…slowly but surely… ”Is this the result of the experiments you did on me?”
“Ah yes, they are. We wanted you to have extra powers to protect you from any kind of harm. Your social media powers are too valuable to be lost by your early death, so we genetically modified you. It was a success, but instand of using it for your country, you use them to get away from us. You have to do what the government tells you, just like me. We're all just pawns in their game. I'll admit you are fascinating, you have more power than any child I've ever come across. And yet all you seem to really care about... is this.”
Eye-Patch-Grandpa holds the Stick of Truth high above his head.
“It must be very important. What does it do?”
Cartman rolls his eyes.
“Whoever controls the Stick controls the universe, dumbass.”
“Yeah, stupid.”, adds Stan.
“Controls the... but then... I wouldn't have to do what I was told anymore. I could.”, laughs Eye-Patch-Grandpa. “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HAAA! I control the universe! Get back. BACK I SAY! ALL OF YOU! I can do anything. ANYTHING I WANT! AHAHAHA!”
Oh my god, he get’s naked!
I throw up a bit in my mouth.
“I no longer need YOU, Dovahkiin... I control the UNIVERSE!”
He runs away and we after him.
Clueless he waves the Stick of Truth around.
“Er ... damn thing! How does it work? Show me how it works!”, Eye-Patch-Grandpa demands.
“Yeah, right.”, scoffs Stan.
“Dovahkiin, why should we be on opposite sides? Join me, Dovahkiin. Rule by my side. Rule... and you can have THIS all to yourself, FOREVER.”, he tries to butter me up. “I can offer you all! Just get me safely out of here, you can rule with this once again.”
“After all you did to me and my family? Hunting us down from one end of the USA to the another?”, I scream and point at him. “You think I would rule with you?! News flash asshole, you can suck my dick and I will stay with my friends!”
All my friends let out agreeing sounds.
Suddenly Princess Kenny steps forward.
Huh?
“Dude, where're you going?”, asks Kyle what we all think.
Princess Kenny just calmly walks up to Eye-Patch-Grandpa and…takes the Stick of Truth from him?!
She lets out an evil laugh.
We all gasp shocked.
“Princess Kenny!”, shouts Wizard Fatass.
“Top Ten most shocking anime betrayals of all time!”, I can’t help but say this.
I’m just…what?
Why?
“At least one of you has some sense.”, says Eye-Patch-Grandpa smugly.
“You'd sell us all out?”, ask King Kyle in a rhetorical fashion.
“But why, Princess Kenny?”, wants Stan to know, like we all.
Suddenly motherfucking Morgan Freeman appears and explains: “Because Princess Kenny was born a half-orc whose entire village was wiped out by humans and elves. You see when humans and elves lived together in the forests of Hollow Falls, an elven queen fell in love with the orc known as Dandar - the first one to possess the Stick of Truth. They loved in secret and had a child, a beautiful little girl, a girl who watched as everyone she loved was killed in cold blood. And that is why she waited... and plotted... all this time. To take the Stick from you. For Princess Kenny is the true heir to the Stick of Truth.”
“Wow, that's pretty cool.”, admins Cartman.
“Just one thing, Morgan Freeman.”, turns King Kyle to the famous actor. “How come every time something convoluted needs explaining you show up?”
“Because every time I show up and explain something, I earn a freckle.”
And there is the freckle he talked about.
Princess Kenny looks at me and holds a hand out.
“Beautiful N.K., join me. We will rule together over Zaron and Larnion as it should be. As powerful queens! Be my wife!”
All gasp, while my mouth meets the floor and I blush crimson red.
If this is not a declaration of love, then I don’t know what else could be.
“H-Hold on!”, intercedes King Kyle and stands before me. He goes down on one knee, taking my hand. “Don’t listen to Princess Kenny! Stay with us! Stay with me! I actually wanted to ask you this in private but…please would you give me your hand in marriage? I know you are already Empress, but nothing would honor me more than be your husband.”
Even more shocked gasps and I turn so red it needs a new name.
“Damn girl, two proposes in one day, you are a legend.”, whisper-shouts Tammy at me with a proud smile.
I send her a look, before I look from Kyle to Kenny and back from Kenny to Kyle.
Oh dammit, what should I do?
They both made clear they want me!
…There is only one way.
I take my hand back from Kyle and step closer to Tammy.
I shake my head.
“I can’t be neither be your queen Kenny or your wife Kyle.”, I begin and look at the floor. Tammy wraps an arm around my shoulders. “And…not why because I don’t like you…the true is…I like you both equally and that’s not fair to either of you…”
After my confession it’s still for a few seconds before Fatass has to say what he thinks: “Thirsty hoe.”
I just look and point at him.
“You got me there.”
Princess Kenny sends me a sad look but doesn’t use the Stick of Truth to command that I shall be on her side. She just turns and runs away from us.
“Princess Kenny, come back here!”, shouts Fatass after her.
We all run after her and Eye-Patch-Grandpa. We conor them on a high platform.
This feels like the true final boss fight.
“Give us the Stick, Princess Kenny. You don't want to go down like this, brah.”, warns Wizard Fatass her.
Our traitor’s Princess just mumbled something we don’t understand and I shit you not we all see an anime opening starring her.
Okay, first Leo with his anime dude power, and now this?!
Where can I learn this shit?
More time to think I don’t have since we all need to kick Princess Kenny’s ass.
Together we beat her easily.
“It's all over, Princess Kenny. The thirsty hoe is too powerful for you.”
“I swerve to god Cartman, you may be right, but stop it, or I kick you in the balls!”
But Princess Kenny is not done with us. Even Stan and Kyle begging her not to do it doesn’t stop her to drink the alien goo turning her into…
“Aaagh! Nazi zombie Princess Kenny!”, screams Fatass.
“Fuck!”, adds King Kyle.
With an angry shout, the Princess storms us.
I don’t know how long we fight.
We kill her, only for her to come back again!
It doesn’t stop!
“She doesn't stay dead! We can't beat her!”, cries Stan.
“Dude, we're fucked! There's no way!”, agrees King Kyle with him.
“There is one way. We're gonna have to break the Gentlemen's Code.”, tells Cartman.
….Oh hell no! I will not do this! Forget it!
Before anyone can do or say something I step forward.
“N.K?”, calls questionly Tammy.
“Let me handle this…there is another way…”
“Oh really and what one Douchebag?!”
“THIS!”, I shout.
I let the energy flow through my whole being transforming me in my Magical Girl form. This time even with music and end pose!
I flick one of my long pink pigtails, pointing at Princess Kenny, while the others, besides Tammy, are in awe.
“Let’s see who is the better anime princess, my lady!”
We both face off against each other.
My golden light attacks hit her strong and fast. They are the perfect weapon against her Nazi-Zombieness.
Again she falls, but before she can revive herself again, I call for my Magical Girl Wand.
It’s actually the Katana I could finally buy from Jimbo, but in my hands, it transforms into a sword-like wand.
“Holy Light Sword Cut Healing Session!”, I shout my attack.
It hits Princess Kenny!
All geta swarmed over in a brilliant white light. The light heals all the Nazi Zombies and restores all that is broken/destroyed.
Who needs Miraculous Ladybug?
I can with my wand attack and heal in one!
As the sun raises above South Park all is good again….
I’m detransformed, back in my Neo Queen Serenity Cosplay, and hold into Tammy’s arm.
I’m tired and outpowered by this whole fucking night we have lived.
We are with Cartman, Ranger Stan, and King Kyle at Stark Ponds.
The sun’s rays reflected beautifully on the water’s surface.
“You guys sure about this?”, asks us, Kyle.
“There's no other way.”, tells him Cartman.
“It drove our friend to madness and nearly killed us all.”, reminds us, Stan.
I sign.
“Do it Grand Wizard let this be the end of the Stick of Truth.”
I’m surprised Fatass listens to me, he really doesn’t can’t argue with me over that, now can he, and throws the Stick of Truth into the deeps of Stark Ponds.
To be never seen and used again.
This is for the best.
We stand in silence for a few seconds till Cartman asks: “So what do you guys wanna play now?”
“How about Dinosaur Hunters?”, suggests Stan.
“Or Pharaohs and Mummies!”, is Kyle’s idea.
“Let's ask Douchebag!”, surprisingly Cartman says. “What do you wanna play next, bitch?”
Tammy and I stare at them, then at each other, and then back to them.
“…..I think I will go to bed. I’m tired as fuck. Wanna sleepover Tammy?”
“Yes, thank you. Let’s take a bath before we go to bed. I need to wash away this fucking night.”
I nod in agreement and we girls turn to walk away.
With my back to them, I wave at the three boys.
“Bye Kyle and Stan and screw you Cartman!”
I can hear how Cartman says: “Wow. What a dick.”
“To you not to us.”
“Yeah, the Empress likes me and has admitted to having a crush on the king.”
“Screw you guys, I’m going home!”
We, girls, look at each other and shake our heads.
Boys!
Next
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The Stick of Truth
Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!
N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?
Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski
Epilogue
I step out of my house and breath in the fresh and cold morning air.
I’m still not Elsa, but maybe I can live with this cold.
We will see.
“Morning N.K.!”, greets me Tammy happy.
I hug my best friend tight and arm in arm we walk to school.
“So ready for your first school day?”, she asks me.
“After the craziness of last week I’m going to so enjoy normal stinky school.”, I admit.
Tammy nods.
“Not that I blame yeah…so our Stick of Truth RPG is really stopped for now?”
“Well, without Stick and me being the Empress of both fractions it doesn’t make sense to still have war and play this RPG.”, I explain. “Besides it totally got out of control. Till we get a new idea, it’s the best it’s on ice.”
“If you say so. Also back to normal life. I hope I can join the next RPG earlier, even if it was crazy and fucked up, I had a lot of fun with you.”, confesses Tammy to me.
Smiling I give her a cheek kiss, which makes her giggle.
“As long as the boys make me play with them, I will always find a way to have you with me.”
We pass the bus stop where Cartman, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny are waiting for the bus. Waving at them in greetings and all besides Cartman, who rolls his eyes, wave back.
But me and Tammy continue going on foot.
“So…something new on the Kyle/Kenny front?”, wants Tammy to know.
I’m saved from answering since Leo joins us.
“Big sis, Tammy, good morning! Can I walk with you?”
“Of course Leo!”
I take his hand and he smiles like sunshine at me.
“We will talk about this later, you can’t keep me hanging!”, whispered Tammy in my ear, before she turns to Leo asking him about his weekend.
The truth is I don’t know how it will go with my two crushes in the future. Till I don’t know who I like more, I will do nothing.
Once again I ask you to consider polyamory.
Brain, go fuck yourself!
I’m part of you, also I don’t have hands, how should I do this?
You know what, I will just ignore this before I turn crazy. It’s surely not healthy to talk with yourself that way and concreted on Tammy and Leo.
Smiling I listen to their talking.
I could get used to this.
After I used my Magical Girl Wand Attack Eye-Patch-Grandpa and his minions didn’t appear again.
Maybe…just maybe I can finally live like a normal pre-teen life.
No more moving around.
Having a social life.
Living my teenage years with people I know and like.
Maybe South Park will be my home for a long time.
That would be amazing.
We have reached the school and I dare Leo and Tammy to a race at the front door.
Let’s start this new chapter in my life!
I'm going down to South Park
Gonna have myself a time
Friendly faces everywhere
Humble folks without temptation
I'm going down to South Park
Gonna leave my woes behind
Ample parking day or night
People spouting "Howdy neighbor!"
Heading on up to South Park
Gonna see if I can't unwind
I love girls with big fat titties
I love girls with deep vaginas
So come on down to South Park
And meet some friends of mine
We have reached the end.
Book Two will be called Friendly Faces Everywhere and will be about all South Park episodes till Franchise Prequel.
Then we will have the third book about The Fractured But-Whole!
Thanks for all your comments and support and I hope you read the other books too!
Till next time, my loves.
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Friendly Faces Everywhere
Codename Dovahkiin Part 2
Now that the Stick of Truth RPG is over it's time for N.K. to face the normal everyday life of South Park.
She should have known nothing in South Park is ever normal!
Day to day the craziness of this supposed quiet little mountain town she has to combat now.
Thank god, she has Tammy, Wendy, her boys, and her Social Media/Magical Girl Powers on her side.
This gonna be a wild ride!
Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski
Chapter 1: Photoshops sucks!
I hated the episode in Canon so much, maybe that’s why I couldn’t write more than what you will read now.
I just wanted to have it done in give it the conclusion it should have gotten.
You will see what I mean.
Hopefully, the next chapter will be better.
Happy reading, my loves.
Since I began school in South Park all had been calm and, dare I say it normal.
After what I experienced last week with the whole Stick of Truth RPG I’m really…surprised.
Don’t get me wrong.
I lived through some traumatic shit, but it’s fascinating how all in South Park just got over that Nazi Zombie nearly eat them and a secret government organization wanted to blow us all up.
As Tammy said, they are used to it.
Will I one day be used to it too so that it doesn’t matter to me anymore? I would like to live this day.
My therapy bill is already high enough.
No more traumas, please.
Or at least make me indifferent to them.
“What do you think, you got on our math test?”, ask me, Tammy.
She is standing with me by my locker, as I get the Math book, we need for our next lesson.
Sadly our lockers are not even close to each other. Would be too convenient if we were also locker neighbors.
Deadpanning I put the Math book in my pink backpack.
“A great disappointment. Math is so stupid. Like we will need this shit in real life. For what purpose do calculators exist?”
“You say it sis.”
“Big sis!”, cries the familiar voice of Leo.
I turn in time and catch the crying boy.
“Leo?”, I rub his back soothing. “Are you hurt? Do I need to kick someone in the balls?”
“What’s wrong, Butters?”, ask him Tammy also worried.
Leo sniffles, holding into me like I’m his only anchor in the world.
Who fucked up my baby bro so bad?!
They will pay!
“W-Wendy.”
“What’s with Wendy?”
“S-She s-said m-my g-g-girlfriend is a-a-a h-h-hobbit!”, he lets out a loud wail.
I shush him softly, while Tammy and I look confused at each other. None of us even know that Leo has a girlfriend.
“Now, now Leo. You didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend, was she with you when Wendy said that?”
Leo gulps and dries with one hand his tears.
“W-Well she said it to a picture of her. It’s Kim Kardashian.”
…What?
I let go of Leo.
“Little Bro explain please from the beginning.”
And he does.
Apparently, Lisa Burger, a little chubby girl, asked him out on a date and he said no. This is his right if he doesn’t want to date her, but he said to the poor girl’s face he doesn’t want to because she is fat. Wendy heard about that and confronted him. So Leo told her he likes women like Kim Kardashian and Wendy explained to him that people like Kim Kardashian photoshop their photos and she actually looks like a hobbit in real life.
He came then running to me because I promised him I would help him against bullies and Wendy has been a big ol’ meanie to Kim Kardashian.
Speechless Tammy and I stare at him.
Is he actually serious?
“W-Will you talk to Wendy, big sis? She was so mean!”
He is!
So I do what I never thought I would need to do with Leo.
I flick his forehead.
The younger boy whines confused, rubbing his hurting spot.
“Leopold Stotch, I’m very disappointed in you!”, I begin my lecture. “Not only did you say to a poor girl in her face she is fat, you also rather take a fantasy than someone real. Wendy is right! Kim Kardashian uses Photoshop, she doesn’t look like this perfect in real life. Also, she had a bunch of plastic surgery! There is nothing natural anymore about that woman. How can you be so vain? Would you like it if some girl you like told you she doesn’t want to date you because you have this huge and ugly scar on your left eye and she rather wants Zac Efron?!”
Tammy nods in agreement and Leo looks at me like I destroyed his world.
Good, he needs a wake-up call.
Better from me than from someone else.
The school bell sounds, meaning it’s time for our next lesson.
“I want you to think long and hard about all this and that you say sorry to Lisa Berger. Do I make myself clear?”
I don’t wait for an answer, since our Math teacher is a huge dick if we are not punctually at his lesson, take Tammy’s hand and go to our classroom.
At least Tammy and I sit beside each so we can whisper, while we should solve Math problems.
Math can suck my dick.
“Can you actually believe, Leo?! I thought he was better than that.”, I whisper to Tammy.
“All straight men are the same.”, she signs. “They want this perfect body, but we should lower our standers.”
“Sis, did I tell you I’m so proud of you? You are becoming a real feminist.”
“Thanks to your lessons.”
There is a knock on our door and Mr. Taylor calls for the person to come in.
It’s Mr. Mackey.
Huh?
Wonder what he wants.
“Hello, Patrick, mkay. Can Novella-Karin come with me for a sec? Mkay.”
“Campo, you heard Mr. Mackey, go with him.”
Surprised I follow Mr. Mackey to the school counselor’s room. Ah yes, I remember it. Here was the gold key to the Cafeteria.
My surprise gets bigger as I see Leo already in the room, still crying.
…Why do I get this bad feeling in my stomach.
“Mr. Mackey, what’s wrong?”, I ask him.
“Novella-Karin-“
“-N.K. is totally okay Mr. Mackey-“
“N.K., mkay. Please sit down. We will talk when the other person joins us. mkay.”
I do as I’m told and mouth to Leo what is going on, yet he refuses even to look at me.
Yeah, the bad feeling gets worse.
I hear how the door opens.
“Uh, take a seat, Wendy. I guess some mean things were said and I need to get to the bottom of it.”
Wendy and I stare at each other.
Since the Battle of the Dark Fortress of Clyde, we haven’t seen or talked with each other.
“What is she doing here?”, we both ask at the same time.
“Girls, please. I will explain, mkay.”
Confused Wendy takes a sit too and notices Leo.
“Oh, good. Lisa Berger told on you? Good!”
“Uh no, Wendy.”, corrects Mr. Mackey. “Apparently, you called Butters' girlfriend a hobbit. Then when he went to you N.K. to be consoled, you agreed with Wendy and even said that she had plastic surgery.”
My chin meets the floor.
Leo fucking sold me out to Mackey? For the Kardashian?
I say what, what the fuck?!
“Are you serious?”, says Wendy in the same disbelieve I am feeling.
“You did! You said Kim was short, fat, and hairy with big feet and she's a hobbit!”, yells Leo. “And my own big sister agrees with you and said she even had plastic surgery!”
“Because it’s true?!”, I shout throwing my hands in the air. “I can’t even believe that we have this conversation right now!”
“Also that's not his girlfriend! It's Kim Kardashian!”, adds Wendy.
“Uh, but, but, Wendy, N.K. Kim Kardashian is considered to be extremely beautiful, mkay?”
“Right, but she's not in real life. She's a hobbit.”, argues Wendy.
I can’t help but snort.
“Hah! I know like 100 people in real life who are way hotter than Miss Fake-Tits. I like natural tits on my woman more than these fake hard ballons.”
“Oh, Wendy said it again! And N.K. is calling her fake again!”
“Leo, I will flick your forehead harder, next time, maybe then your synapses will actually work probably and you don’t pull and think shit like this!”
“Now, now N.K. I won’t tolerate any threat of physical harm, mkay?”
“It’s just a flick. Any other boy would taste my fists.”
“Can’t you just hit him? Maybe it will do him good.”
“Enough, girls!”
Mr. Mackey hits them with a fist on the table.
I can see how Wendy frowns like me.
“Now, Wendy and N.K. Kim might be, uh, full-figured, and had some operations but a woman's outward appearance isn't all that matters, mkay?! Have you stopped to consider that maybe, just maybe, you're jel?”
Okay, I can’t help it I laugh so hard and loud that I nearly fall from my chair.
“Me? Jealouys? Hahahahahah! That’s the best joke over! I know I’m a hot piece of ass in my age group and I fucking love the way I look. Hahahahaha! Me jealous of someone so fake like Kim Kardashian? Oh my god, I can’t! Hahahahahahaha!”
I wipe away my laughing tears, while all stare at me.
“What?”, I wonder. “Never meet a pre-teen with sane self-love? Oh sorry right of course not because the damn patriarchy wants us to be insecure about anything so we don’t rise up against it as we should be.”
“Mmkay…”
“Big sis…”
“I’m with N.K. I'm not "jel", and I happen to be the biggest feminist at this school! Or the second one as it seems. You are like a real-life Amazone.”, compliments me, Wendy.
I side-eye her.
“You could learn some more things about Feminism, young Padawan. The girl I met last week, hunted down, as you said, a two-faced manipulative bitch and didn’t want to be labeled as slut if she was seen at Unplanned Parenthood.”
At least she blushes in shame, playing with her fingers.
Mr. Mackey is back on track after my declaration made him probably regret having me here: “Uh that may be true, but there is a very fine line, Wendy, between being a feminist and being a hater, mkay? And you're gonna have to find that line because nobody likes a girl who's jelly!”
“Why aren’t you saying this to N.K. too?”
“Believe me Wendy someone who laughs like that and says what she said so death seriously, isn’t jelly. That’s the epitome of self-confidence.”
“Wasn’t always this way.”, I need to tell Wendy this. Hey, if I can turn another girl into a real Feminist then we can overthrow the patriarchy. “I worked years on it and did some stupid shit too. But since I’m Bi I found a lot of amazing friends in the LGBTQ+ community who helped find me and love me for who I am.”
Wendy nods slowly, but in aww.
“Are we done here, Mr. Mackey? I need to return to Math class, we are getting back our test soon.”
“…. All right, go along kids, but think about my words, mkay.”
Yeah, like I will actually do this.
Tzz.
The school day is finally over and Tammy and I make our way home.
I have my Math test in my hand, glaring at it.
“If you keep staring, you might set it on fire.”, sasses Tammy.
“That stupid D needs to burn like the Dick it is!”, I counter.
“N.K., Tammy, wait!”, calls for us Wendy.
Surprised we stop and wait that the younger girl reaches us.
“Hello Wendy, what’s up?”, greets Tammy.
“I just want to say…N.K. you were really cool earlier at Mackey office. You have so much self-confidence it’s admiring.”
“Like I said worked hard on it.”, I repeat.
She nods, seeming a bit nervous.
Mmh, I think I know what she wants.
I give Tammy a look and she nods. She understood too.
“Wanna hang out with us Wendy?”, I ask her. “We can do homework together and after that watch a movie.”
The black-haired girl smiles brightly like the sun.
“Oh, that would be wonderful.”
So we three make our way to my home.
“…And that’s why Boruto sucks ass and anyone who says otherwise can suck my dick!”, I end my rant.
I’m sitting with Tammy and Wendy in my room. We had a really fun afternoon.
Together we helped each other with homework and then we just started talking.
Since I have so much anime merchandise in my room Wendy got curious. I explained what anime they were, what the story is, and all that.
Somehow we ended up talking about Boruto, this underserving sequel to the masterpiece of Naruto.
“Sis, but Himawari is queen.”, reminds Tammy.
“Himawari is the only light in whatever Boruto is.”, I agree.
Wendy is holding the only copy of Boruto I have in her hands, looking trough it.
“From what you told me about Naruto it didn’t handle a lot of things god either, but a 13-year-old girl dressed like this…what’s her name again?”
“Sarada.”
“Sarada, right. Is really not okay. They turn a child into a sex fantasy.”
“Reminds me when this whole Stupid Spoiled Whore bullshit that Paris Hilton had started.”, I tell them. “God! I hated it so much. I’m all for women can wear what they want, but little girls should be little girls and not sex symbols. Also, men should be banned forever from designing woman character and their clothes because they will ALWAYS sex it up somehow.”
“And if the Bi girl who read Yuri says this, then it’s legit.”, can’t Tammy help herself.
“Hey! That’s my internal battle the feminist and the thirsty hoe inside me!”
“Is it really so hard?”, wonders Wendy.
I nod.
“Well yeah, one part of me is always like damn, naked woman or sexy skinny clothes me like, but the other screams in outrage.”
We discuss this hours later, till it’s time that Wendy and Tammy to go home.
It’s nice that Wendy has become our friend. I have a feeling with the right example she will be an awesome feminist and don’t fall into the patriarchy mindset she had going on during the Stick of Truth.
I go to bed with a satisfied smile.
My school day was going pretty boring till Wendy catches me at lunchtime.
“Hold on a minute. You are saying you wanted to show Leo how Photoshop works on the girl he didn’t want, that backfired so hard, that he send her Photoshop photo to everyone in school, and wanted to date her, but Clyde is going out now with her. Then you get sent again to Mackey office because you tried to explain to Stan and Jimmy that the photo is just a fake and the real deal doesn’t look like this.”, I repeat what she told me.
Tammy can just roll her eyes.
“That’s South Park for you sis, it always goes a fucked up way.”
“N.K., what should I do? I mean, can we do something about this? This can’t escalate.”, declares Wendy.
I rub my head, thinking.
“For now you have your cheer performance I will think of something.”
The cheer performance of the fourth graders is an eye-opener. I just sit there with Tammy not believing what I see. This Lisa Berger or more her Fake-Photo is the newest hot shit that she even gives out autographs.
But it gets better as Wendy tells me later that her friends wanted her to Photoshop their photos too. Of course, she didn’t do it!
Didn’t stop that next day at school it’s swarmed with photoshopped pictures of nearly all girls.
And all the boys, even my two crushes, act like the horny horndogs they are.
Tammy holds me back before I started swinging. She said that wouldn’t help our situation and we better talk with Wendy.
Well, we found her with Stan, yelling at him for his imperfection and then randomly pointing them out on other people.
No surprise she got sent to Mr. Mackey again.
We catch her after school.
She looks ready to go to war.
I ask her what she is planning. Wendy wants to go to the news and try to get Photoshop photos to be marked as what they are fake.
I have a bad feeling about that.
So I tell her to wait till I come up with a plan, but Wendy isn’t ready to stop.
Tammy and I can only watch how in the Morning News Wendy gets labeled as a hater and not taken seriously.
Okay, this has to end now!
I never thought I would use my powers for this…but what use have them if I don’t use them for the good?
Tammy and I catch Wendy the next day in the computer lab, ready to edit her photo.
“Wendy, don’t do it!”, I shout. “Stop!”
“Why? Why should I stop?”, she cries. “I thought you would help me, but I fought all alone and now I can’t anymore.”
“That’s not true Wendy. Me and N.K. worked on something.”, disagrees Tammy.
Wendy wipes away a tear.
“Oh really on what?”
“Didn’t you check Twitter, do it now.”
Confused she does as I say. Her chin meets the floor as she sees it.
“W-What is this?!”
“This is #NaturelBeauty and #DownWithPhotoshop.”, I explain. “I made beside my Facebook profile, Twitter, Instagram, Youtube, Tumblr, and TikTok accounts just to spread this message. I’m totally using my powers for this, but it’s for a good cause.”
In disbelief, Wendy sees the growing number of retweets.
“Over 3 billion retweets already and all countries in the world want to actually make a law that will label Photoshops photos as what they are? Fake?”
Slowly she turns around and looks at me with wide eyes.
“What kind of power do you possess N.K.? This…this is unbelievable! You changed the mind of people with two hashtags.”
I can’t help but flex a little. I put on some cool shades, get my phone out and show her how many followers I have on social media.
“It’s a social media power. I make friends and followers faster than anyone else on Earth. So I used it to spread our right agenda.”
“Come and look at this Wendy!”, says Tammy waving her over.
We three step out of the Computer Lab.
All around as kids and teachers talk about my two Hashtags, how woke and progressive they are. That they agree with the message of it.
They celebrate their imperfection.
The Photoshop photos get deleted or ripped apart.
Wendy is now full-on crying.
But these are tears of joy.
She formally jumps into my arms.
“Thank you!”, she cries hard. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
I hug her back and Tammy joins our hug.
I have a feeling this is the start of a fantastic girl trio!
Next
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Codename Dovahkiin Part 2
Now that the Stick of Truth RPG is over it's time for N.K. to face the normal everyday life of South Park.
She should have known nothing in South Park is ever normal!
Day to day the craziness of this supposed quiet little mountain town she has to combat now.
Thank god, she has Tammy, Wendy, her boys, and her Social Media/Magical Girl Powers on her side.
This gonna be a wild ride!
Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski
Chapter 2: Don’t take away my Pizza and Pasta!
After our win against Photoshop, we had a nice, normal week. Wendy introduced us to her friends and we hung out with the fourth-grade girls.
I see a lot of potential in them.
They aren’t as infused with the patriarchy as I thought or more let’s say they reacted to my feminist speeches with interest and asked questions.
Bebe, Wendy’s best friend, and cute Heidi are especially promising.
I caught both of them looking at me in a…questioning way. Even Tammy got some of these looks.
These are looks I know from girls who told me before they were straight and then made out with me behind the school bleachers.
So my little hicktown isn’t totally straight.
But I will give these girls time.
First, get rid of the patriarchy brainwashing, then we can jump into questioning their sexuality or even gender identity
At this time Leo and I made also peace again with each other and he said sorry to me and Wendy that he was so stupid about this whole Kim Kardashian thing.
I’m glad I got my little bro back.
Nonetheless, it even didn’t take a day and he left with Stan, Cartman, Kyle, and Kenny the school to start their own Start-Up-Company, since they didn’t want to go to school anymore.
Leo even set fire to the school gymnasium, so sure was he that he wouldn’t return back here.
The boys, besides of course fatass, asked me to join them, but I like school.
I know shocking.
I mean I think Math is useless, but I like to learn new things and I’m a huge history nerd.
I have mostly fun at school.
Also, I didn’t believe that this Start-Up shit would actually work.
So while Stan’a Gang, that’s their official name I learned, chased that dream, I and the girls comforted Wendy because Stan broke up with her.
All the boys are on a fucking high horse, I swerve!
In the end, I was right since next Monday they are back in school.
How do I know that?
Because Kenny comes up walking toward me.
“Hi N.K.!”, he greets me.
“Hello, Kenneth.”, I answer over politely and close my locker. Can Tammy hurry and come from her locker? “I see you are back.”
“Erm, yeah, so how are you?”
I turn to him, crossing my arms and cocking a hip out.
“Oh, suddenly you want to know, how I am. If you haven’t ignored my messages all the time since your little Start-Up-Adventure.”
The boy in the parker has at least the sense to wince at this, rubbing his neck.
“I’m sorry.”
I just roll my eyes, as I see who is coming also.
“And there is the other one who ignored my calls, hello Kyle.”
Whatever the redhead wanted to say, he doesn’t and looks ashamed.
“Erm, I-“
“I don’t care Kyle. You both thought so high and mighty about yourself that you even couldn’t spare answering a friend’s message.”
“You are more than a friend to me.”, they both say at the same time.
Angry they look at each other.
“What the fuck, dude?!”
“No, what the fuck you dude!”
“I have known her before!”
“And yet she also has fallen for me.”
“SHE right now wants to kick both of your asses.”, I growl at them. “What I am? A toy you can decide when to play with it? A toy you can put on a shelf and forget about it totally because you have a new one? And then when the new one is broken, you play with the old again? Fuck you two! I’m no one’s toy!”
With that, I flick my hair and sash away from them.
I meet an equally angry Wendy on my way to Tammy’s locker.
“Stan?”
“Kyle and Kenny?”
We both nod in understanding for each other and continue on our way.
Really, maybe I should just hit up Bebe and/or Heidi. They at least wouldn’t pull such shit on me.
More than a "No" they can’t say.
Meh, for now, I will drap myself over Tammy and tell her my woe.
Amazons of the Southern Lands
Nichole: Did you guys hear it? Stan and his gang are throwing a big party on Saturday!
Red: Yeah and apparently Lorde will be there!
Annie: Oh my god, Lorde I love her!
Heidi: Same! It’s like she totally gets me!
Bebe: Is there a dress code? What should we wear to it?
You all are aware that the guys just want to butter up us.
Wendy: I agree with N.K. Stan and his friends just want to be in our good graces again, helping spread awareness of diabetes my ass.
Bebe: Who gives a fuck? It’s Lorde! LORDE! Oh and pizza.
Red: But Lorde is more important.
You are selling your soul for Lorde?
Tammy: Now you are a bit dramatic sis! It’s not like you and Wendy have to talk to the boys. We girls will just go as a group, to eat the pizza and hear Lorde and you can ignore these idiots.
Wendy: If you put it that way….
I do like Pizza. And Lorde is fantastic. Okay fuck it, let fucking gooooooooooooo!
Bebe: That’s the spirit. Should we pick a theme for our clothes? How about flowers?
I can’t even answer this as my parents storm into our house. Surprised I jump from the couch I was sitting on.
“Mamma, Papà where is the fire?!”
My parents don’t even look at me as they run into the kitchen. They open drawers and our fridge, throwing a lot of our food in big garbage bags.
I stare at them with my chin on the floor.
“Mamma?!”, I shout.
Finally, she hears me, while Papà still throws food away, she kneels down and hugs me tight.
“My little princess, don’t worry! Mamma and Papà will do anything that the evil gluten doesn’t get you.”
I’m more confused than before.
“Huh?”
“Kelly, I think this is all!”
“Are you sure, Chris?”
Papà joins Mamma kneeling on the floor taking carefully my face in his hands.
“Princess, do you have any snacks in your room?”
“Erm, no, not right now?”
He nods and both my parents grab the full garbage bags and are out of the house again. I look after them. I see how all our neighbors are burning food on stakes.
What the fuck is going on?
My smartphone rings. I pick it up.
“Tammy, what’s up?”
“Did your parents also storm your house and are burning the food?”
“How do you know that?”
“Mine did this!”
“Oh dear lord what is going on now?”
I get my answer a while later, after Tammy and I theorized what the adults have now for problems.
My parents sit me down and explain to me that apparently, gluten is bad. It needs to get destroyed or my dick will fly off if I eat it.
Once again I’m a girl with girl parts, so that wouldn’t happen to me, but my parents are terrified.
Whatever they expired at the community center shocked them.
Now, how in the ever-loving fuck should I live without most of the food I love, because of course things like Pizza and Pasta are full of gluten.
This sucks ass!
The next days are crazy with this whole gluten pandemic going on. No one knows what to eat anymore and I swerve I lost probably three kilos already.
Stan and his gang cancel the party, only telling us after a few hours it’s back up.
Apparently, Cartman of all people found the solution to our food crisis.
I’m just…South Park is so fucked up in many ways.
I can’t okay?
But well, a party is still a party and our whole girl group is going. We took Bebe theme, flowers and are dressed in this way.
I formally battle to have cherry blossoms and wear a pretty pink dress with cherry blossoms on it. A hairpin decored with a cherry blossom and pink heels.
I have to admit the party of the boys is sweet. After all this panic we need this moment to relax and unwind.
I’m sitting at one of the tables, eating a steak with a lot of butter, enjoying Lorde singing.
Strange, I could have sworn she looked better on the magazine covers. Was it also Photoshop with her?
The other girls are dancing, talking to the others, or like Tammy gone to the restroom.
“Erm…Hello N.K.”, shy calls a know voice my name.
I turn to the person.
“Kyle.”
The red-haired boy has a cute blush on his face, playing with his fingers.
“It’s awesome that you could come.”, he tells me.
“I came here with my friends to hear Lorde.”, I state simply. “I’m still angry at you guys.”
He winces.
“You have the right to be. I really was a dick to you.”
“Yes, you were.”
I cut a bit of my steak and eat it.
“N.K. I’m really, really sorry. I was a stupid boy so fixed on earning money and never again go to school that I forget anything. Which was wrong, I know.”, he apologizes.
I sign.
“Well, you ARE still only ten, I shouldn’t be so angry. We all make mistakes.”
A cute smile forms on his face and I get to urge to kiss Kyle’s whole sweet face.
“Are we good again, N.K.?”
“Yeah, all right. I may still be a bit resentful, but we can be friends again.”
His smile gets just bigger.
Adorable!
“Would you…would maybe if you want…erm dance with me.”, he wonders, rubbing his neck.
Okay didn’t expect that.
Can’t help but blush too.
“Yeah, let’s dance Kyle.”
I take his hand and we start to dance. It’s more of a swaging around, but Kyle looking at me like I am a kind of goddess, is pleasing me greatly.
“Your dress is so pretty.”, he compliments me. “It fits you so much.”
Kyle being all shy and cute gives me an enormous ego boost. Normally I’m a bit shy with redheads or incredibly horny.
But with Kyle…it’s so simple and nice.
I lean down and plant a soft kiss on his cheek. I feel how warm his cheek gets under my lips. A cute squeaking sound left him.
“You are adorable.”
He blushes more.
Smiling at each other with twinkling eyes we sway while Lorde sings.
It’s really, really romantic.
I don’t know for how long we dance, at least three songs, as I see how Kenny comes towards us.
Uh-Oh.
“Hey guys.”, he greets us, sending Kyle a sharp look, which the redhead counters. “Mind if I step in?”
“Actually, yes.”, hisses Kyle.
Not even a second after he said it I let go of him.
Kyle looks surprised.
“N.K.?”
“Oh no, you two aren’t starting a competition for my hand or something. I’m not I prize to be won.”, I make myself clear. “I like you both and I know that’s unfair, but I can’t decide, so please let us all be just friends. I don’t need more drama in my life.”
Guilty the boys nod.
“Can I still dance with you? I want also to say sorry for what a dick I was to you.”, ask me Kenny with big puppy dog eyes.
“I will get some ice cream.”, let Kyle us be, even if I can see that it breaks his heart.
Why can’t I just decide?
Polyamory, it’s simple as that!
Brain, not now!
So I and Kenny dance and he says sorry too. Like with Kyle, I accept it.
With Kenny, I really dance. I’m quite surprised by what moves he can do.
I can’t help but laugh happily as he twirls me around and then even tango-dips me.
Me! Who is a head taller than him!
I would lie if I didn’t say that this turns me on.
For that, I give him also a kiss on the cheek.
He grins wide and brightly, which makes my heart race.
After I few songs I tell Kenny that this is enough, I don’t want to play favorites with him and Kyle.
He accepts it, albeit sad, and lets me go.
With a last smile to him, I walk to Tammy and ask her for a dance.
At least with my super best friend, there aren’t any problems.
We both take turns leading and I get Tammy to blush like a tomato as I tango-dip her.
For the rest of the party, I stay with the girls.
I even get to dance with Wendy, Bebe, and Heidi.
I twirled Wendy so much around that she asked laughing for a break.
Bebe and I just started to twerk for fun at one point.
And Heidi was so cute!
She blushed the whole time.
Mmh, maybe I should really ask her out….
Whatever this party was amazing!
Can’t wait for the next one.
Next
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Codename Dovahkiin Part 2
Now that the Stick of Truth RPG is over it's time for N.K. to face the normal everyday life of South Park.
She should have known nothing in South Park is ever normal!
Day to day the craziness of this supposed quiet little mountain town she has to combat now.
Thank god, she has Tammy, Wendy, her boys, and her Social Media/Magical Girl Powers on her side.
This gonna be a wild ride!
Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski
I put three episodes in one Chapter.
This shows how adding a new character can basically change the whole storyline.
Fascinating!
Now happy reading.
P.S. I didn’t add Handicap because this was not a main character EP and like N.K. has not really contact with the disabled kids.
Chapter 3: Weird, weirder, South Park!
It’s after lunchtime at school and I’m with Tammy in the girl’s bathroom. Wendy, Bebe, and Red are also here with us.
I’m helping Tammy cover up a pimple, while our friends each take a turn to do the business the toilettes were built for.
All is normal and nice.
Of course, SOMEONE has to disturb it.
Fucking Eric Cartman enters our bathroom, zeroing at the stalls!
Before anyone can react or say something, I grip Cartman by his fat neck, ignoring his protests, and drag him out of the bathroom.
Out on the school floor, I throw him against the lockers.
“You stupid bitch!”, he curses at me.
I punch beside his face at the locker staring him down with my best death glare. He is shaking in fright.
“What the fuck was that?!”, I ask. “Why did you enter the girl’s bathroom?”
I give him this, at least, even if he is shitting his pants, he managed to press out: “I'm transginger.”
“What?”
“Did you notice the bow?”
Cartman points at the little pink bow he has now on his wool hat.
“I'm not comfortable with the sex I was assigned at birth, so I'm exercising my right to identify with the gender of my choice.”
“Bullshit!”, I growl out and punch again beside his face. Cartman flitches. “That’s just a scheme of yours to use our bathroom, god knows why. You aren’t transgender, dickhead.”
“Don't give me any more issues than I already have, Douchebag!”, he has the balls to say to me.
Okay enough.
I grip him by his collar slamming him against the lockers. He winces in pain.
“Don’t pull this shit you fucking asshole! I don’t want to make me angry! Let my community in peace and don’t use it for your agenda!”, I hiss at him. “Stop this shit right now or I gonna beat you up! I will beat you up so much that the beatdown I gave you while we played the Stick of Truth was a nice massage! You understand me!”
I let go of him and he falls on his fat ass painfully.
I point at him.
“Don’t test me bitch!”
With that, I return back to the girl’s bathroom.
I should have known that Cartman is as stupid as he is stupor.
I get called into the principal’s office, where Cartman is already waiting there with his mom, crying in her arms. Principal Victoria and my parents are there too.
“Oh god, what lying story did he tell you!”, I ask annoyed into the room.
I can see from Principal Victoria’s look that she doesn’t buy Cartman theater either, but somehow he managed to convince his mom, and now we are here.
“Novella-Karin Campo!”, begins Papà. “Did you really threat Erica here to beat her up if she uses the girl bathroom?”
“That’s not Erica that’s still Cartman who has one of his schemes going on!”, I counter.
Cartman wails and hugs his mom tight.
“I told you she is a transgingerphobe!”
“I’m not and it’s called trangenderphobe, you ignorant piece of shit!”
“My daughter is part of the LGBTAQ+ community since she was a little girl.”, comes Mamma to my defense. At least her! “She never was transphobe, she always was there for her sisters and brother who struggle with their gender identity. This is ridiculous!”
“Mrs. Campo I understand you and your daughter, but I need to get to the bottom of this. Sadly.”, mumbles Principal Victoria the last part, but I heard her.
Yep, she is totally not buying Cartman bullshit too.
I don’t wanna have her job right now too.
“Also, Eric here-“
“-It’s Erica, goddammit, mom say something?!-“
“-Don’t get angry so fast hun, people need to learn your new name, I certainly do-“
“-Mom!-“
“-Anyway as I was saying!”, starts Principal Victoria again. “Erica wanted to use the girl bathroom and you Novella-Karin dragged her out of it and threatened to beat her up if she tries this.”
I shrug my shoulders.
“I told a little boy, who takes advance of my transgender brothers and sisters, only the truth! I will not let him use them as an excuse to shit in the girl’s bathroom.”
“N.K.!”, growls my father in warning, but Mamma gives him a little hit on the head.
“Christiano Campo, you rather believe someone else than your own daughter?!”
Oho, Mamma used Papà full name. She is pissed at him. He realizes this too, while he rubs his hurting spot.
Papà stays still.
Yeah, that’s probably better.
“I see.”, says Principal Victoria. “Sadly there is no evidence that Erica is taking advance.”
“Not even that we talk here about Eric Cartman who is known to pull shit like that?!”, I call in disbelief in between.
“Novella-Karin I can understand you, I really do, but my hands are tied. For threatening Erica you get a whole month of detention.”
I stare at her in disbelief, while Cartman, the fat fuck, grins in triumph.
Oh just wait, I have still a triumph card!
“Okay if Cartman here really is transgender then he must have started hormon therapy.”, I point out. “There are surely doctor notes that support his claim. If not he is lying.”
I’m betting that he probably doesn’t know that you don’t need to be on hormone therapy to be considered transgender. I bet he only made a little research on the subject.
Turn out I’m right. It’s satisfying to see Cartman’s face fall. Didn’t think about that, heh, fatass?
It’s still for a few seconds till Cartman yells: “Motherfucker!”
In the end, Cartman gets two-week detention for entering the girl’s bathroom, and my detention is canceled since it was my right to kick him out.
Also, I think Principal Victoria has nothing against it if I really beat up Cartman.
Of course somehow the whole school hears about this and people celebrate me like a celebrity.
It’s an enormous ego boost.
Also, it shows how hated Cartman is.
All in all a good day’s work.
The next days in South Park are again fucked up!
Somehow a drone took a video of Craig’s mom naked and from there on, neighborhood drones, police drones, and military drones flow around us.
Even my parents participated with a drone!
What really pissed me off besides that all our privacy was invaded, was that Mrs. Tucker got heat only because she doesn’t shave down under.
Again I made use of my Social-Media Powers to help to get rid of the problems.
#AllNaturelBeaty and #DownWithDrones were trending everywhere.
My first Hashtag did help Mrs. Tucker, but I learned something new about my powers. I have to be more specific with my Hashtags since the solution to taking out drones was to bring more drones in.
In the end, someone used a blow-up doll with a hairy vagina to lead all the drones away from the city.
The evening after that the whole city is having a fancy banquet and celebrating the supposed hero, Mrs. Tucker, and her bush.
I can just facepalm at this all, as also a mistrial sings a heroic song for her.
Why is South Park so sick?!
Our school day starts pretty normally. I’m with Tammy at her locker, she is getting her books for our first lesson, as Jimmy walks up to us.
“G-Good morning, g-girls!”
“Hey, Jimmy!”
“What’s up, noble bard.”, I add playful.
“Not much. I just wanted to make sure you heard the fuh-fantastic news. There's a new Terrance & Phillip mobile game, and it's so amazing and incredibly fun.”
He shows us this fun game on his phone. I frown, while Tammy purses her lips.
I’m not much of a smartphone gamer and Tammy isn’t a fan of Terrance and Philip. I know shocking, I’m trying to get her to like them.
“That’s nice?”, Tammy says for us both.
“Isn’t it? And the most unbelievable part? It's totally free. You should download it to your phone right now. I mean, come. On. If it's free, why wouldn't you?”
“I don’t play mobile games, but sure, I could check it out.”, I tell Jimmy.
I mean it’s still Terrance and Philip.
“You betcha, pal.”
With that, he leaves us. We both look at each other and shrug our shoulders.
At recess, I try out the game, while Tammy watches me.
“This…is the biggest bullshit ever!”, I declare as I uninstall it.
That game wanted me to collect coins and then asked for real money to have more coins to rebuild Canada.
“I stay with my PlayStation game!”
“Aren’t DLC also kind of expansive? What’s the difference with this?”, Tammy wants to know.
“You didn’t say this! It’s a lot different. You get at last a whole new level and extra hours to play in it.”
We are walking around the school playground as we see Stan’s gang minus Stan and…huh I’m hearing right.
“Don’t tell me you guys tried also out the Terrance and Phillip mobile game?”, I call out to them.
“We did.”, responds Kyle and puts his phone away. “It’s so dumb.”
We all together agree to never play it again. I have a feeling this is a scheme even if it’s Terrance and Phillip.
But apparently, the one who wasn’t with us yesterday didn’t get the memo and even didn’t show up to school today.
Stan, I’m talking about Stan.
I’m with Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman to see after him. Tammy and Leo couldn’t come since Tammy has now karate training and Leo has to help his parents with something.
We enter Stan’s room.
He is playing the stupid mobile game in his bed all right.
“Ohhh hey guys.”, greets us, Stan.
“You... missed school today?”, reminds him, Kyle.
“Yeah, I just wasn't feelin' the best.”
I cross my arms and cock a hip out.
“But you feel well enough to play the Terrance and Phillip mobile game, Stanley?”
“Well yeah, I was sick in bed. What else was I gonna do?”
“Not playing and trying to get well?”
“N.K., I don’t think he is really sick.”, whispers Kenny.
“I know, I was just pointing it out.”, I whisper back.
“How much money did you micropay today, Stan?”, wants Cartman to know from him.
“Nothing! Dude, I bought like $10 worth of Canadough. But check it out, I unlocked the stadium in Toronto.”
Stan even smiles at us.
“You spent $10 and eight hours to unlock a stadium?”, summarize Kyle in disbelieve.
“You guys, is it that much dumber than video games you play?”
“Yes.”
“I can’t believe I agree with Cartman, but yes. Even DLCs are more fun than that shit!”
“It's just something to kill some time. Like Jimmy said, it's a cool way to zone out.”
….Wait a second, Jimmy?!
“Waitwaitwait, Jimmy told you about this game?”, says Kyle.
“Jimmy told me about this game.”, informs Cartman.
“Kenny, N.K. who told you about this game?”
“Jimmy!”, we say together.
“Dude, what?!”
“The?!”, continues Cartman.
“Fuck?!”, end Kenny and I.
We decide to let Stan be and hunt Jimmy down. He needs a lot to explain to us. We find him, trying to sell the game to a kid.
As it turns out the Canadian government pays Jimmy to push the game to other kids and he accepts their money because he has debts with another freemium game.
What a fucked up circle of money-making.
On good thing is that Stan realizes he needs help and comes to us. While he and Jimmy talk, we other are in Kyle’s kitchen talking about what we could do to stop this all.
Well, Kyle tries to think of a plan, I just go to my many social media platforms and spread the hell out of it.
“Kyle, stop coming up with a grand plan I already put the word out!”, I tell him showing him my Twitter account. “"Terrance & Phillip hire pushers to make money off addicts." is already trending and gets millions of retweets.”
“I don’t like to say it but these social media powers of you are useful Douchebag.”
“Thanks, fatass, but your compliment doesn’t mean much to me.”
More we can’t do.
The boys decide to go play basketball, while I pick up Tammy from karate to hang out with her and our girl squad later.
We all are in Bebe’s room, talking and shit, as Bebe looks at her phone and tells us apparently Satan, yes that Satan, and the Canadian Satan had a face-off, and normal Satan won and Canada bans all freemium games.
This craziness of South Park spread apparently to the whole world.
Meh, I just lay down on her floor and continue reading my Demon Slayer manga to Heidi.
I’m starting to have no more fucks to give, so…whatever!
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Codename Dovahkiin Part 2
Now that the Stick of Truth RPG is over it's time for N.K. to face the normal everyday life of South Park.
She should have known nothing in South Park is ever normal!
Day to day the craziness of this supposed quiet little mountain town she has to combat now.
Thank god, she has Tammy, Wendy, her boys, and her Social Media/Magical Girl Powers on her side.
This gonna be a wild ride!
Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski
I completely ignored Grounded Vindaloop, because writing this Inception parody in the first person was way too hard and I also didn’t want to.
As you can see from the title today we will have some YGOTAS! :D
If you haven’t watched it, go and watch it LittleKuriboh is a genius.
Chapter 4: With thanks to LittleKuriboh!
All right all I have to say to the day we all tried out the Oculus it was fucking weird and confusing.
So we don’t talk about it.
What I gonna tell you is this!
Thanks to the boys I found out that there is a nerd shop in South Park with all the children’s card games and merchandise you want!
Stan’s Gang got really into Magic the Gathering, which I don’t understand since Duel Monsters is way cooler.
Anyway, tonight was a big tournament not only for Magic the Gathering but also for Duel Monsters.
I’m sitting in the peanut gallery with Tammy and Heidi waiting that the Magic the Gathering duel between Kenny and a boy named Slaughterhouse ends, so I can have my duel with a teenager named Cameron, who is currently Colorado’s Duel Monster champion.
Not for long when I’m done with him.
I shovel my Deck, while Tammy and Heidi whisper to each other.
“Do you get what Kenny and the other boy play, Tammy?”
“Not really. N.K. only taught me about Duel Monsters, but they are some similarities.”
“Blasphemy!”, I whisper-shout at them. “Duel Monsters is way better and cooler. It was even a Manga and Anime that says all!”
Heidi and Tammy look at each other and then giggle. I struck my tongue out at them.
Finally, Kenny wins, we applaud him of course, and it’s now time to d-d-d-d-d-duel!
It is cool from the boys that they stay to watch me now playing, even if Cartman is protesting, but Leo even has made a little poster with N.K. is the best and my favorite card the Dark Magician Girl drawn on it.
I have such a cute little brother.
Anyway, I’m facing now this Cameron.
He is at least 13 and the walking stereotype of a Nerd. With glasses and braces and really old fashion clothes.
Yet I will not underestimate him. You aren’t Duel Monsters Champion for nothing.
I won’t lie the Duel is tough.
Cameron took a bunch of Lifepoints in one turn. Nonetheless, I manage to beat him with only 500 Lifepoints remaining.
Now I’m the new Duel Monsters Champion of Colorado!
I get standing ovations and my best friend and Heidi yell the loudest for me.
I only bow before anyone.
This was amazing!
The next few days I don’t see much from Stan’s Gang since they took on underground dueling with roosters.
Yes, you read right.
Anyway, I’m trying to teach my female friends some Duel Monsters, especially Wendy to get her mind off that no one besides us come to the volleyball games.
But I have to admit.
Since I’m Duel Monsters Champion…I have the feeling someone is stalking me.
I can’t explain it right.
I feel like I’m watched, but when I look or my friends no one is there.
Weird.
I hope it’s not the government! I’m finally settling in in South Park and don’t wanna move again.
Right now I’m in my room sorting my Duel Monsters card.
Normally I would have gone to the volleyball match, but Wendy told me herself if I really feel like being watched I should stay at home and find out if it’s there the same. She is such an amazing friend.
When suddenly my door swings open and Stan runs in!
“Stan, where is the fire?!”, I asked him surprised.
“Oh god, N.K. something happened at the underground Magic the Gathering tournament!”
“Weren’t you watching the Volleyball game, how do you know?”
“I was on the phone with Cartman and Kyle. Then suddenly there was a loud ruckus and then silence. Someone picked up the phone and told me: "Tell Codename: Dovahkiin if she wants to save her friends, she shall come to the playground I’m waiting for her"”
Shocked I jump from my bed and grip Stan’s shoulders.
“Are you shitting me? How did the person sound like?!”
“Pretty young. Oh god, do you think this guy has really Kenny, Kyle, and Cartman with him?!”
Young? A young government worker?
“Let me check something real quick.”
I try to phone Tammy, but she isn’t answering!
Oh god, no, that doesn’t look good.
“That guy has Tammy also?”, speaks out Stan my fear.
“Stan you go home, I will go to the playground.”
“I’m not leaving you alone. That bastard has my friends too…besides Cartman but whatever.”
“All right, all right, let’s make haste!”
We both run to the playground. I have to confess…it’s really creepy there right now.
It’s so dark and still.
I have a feeling the shadows are gripping after us.
We see at the same time Tammy, Kyle, Kenny, and fatass in bonds besides the toilettes.
“Guys!”, me and Stan shout.
As we try to run to them a fucking shadowy wave blocks us.
What is going on?
“N.K., Stan, that guy is a freak!”, yells Kyle. “Be careful!”
Which guy?
A white boy, who has white hair in a ponytail, silver eyes, and dressed in a black tuxedo materialize formally from the shadows.
He looks at me with cold eyes. I feel a shiver all over my body.
“Who the heck are you?!”, shouts Stan.
The strange boy just looks at him and with a hand gesture, Stan gets caught and bonded in the shadows.
“Stan!”, we all scream.
“You have done your work messenger.”, tells the strange boy in a surprisingly pleasing voice. “I’m here to talk with Codename: Dovahkiin.”
I stare at him, already collecting my energy to transform. My feelings tell me to be alert around him.
“Why did you kidnap my friends and who are you?!”, I demand to know.
He gives me a chilling smirk.
“I wanted to get your attention Codename: Dovahkiin. After I collected data on you these the last days I came to the conclusion then besides the fat kids these are the people closest to your heart.”
“Hey I’m not fat, I’m big-boned!”
I ignore Cartman’s shout.
“I wasn’t imagining things! You were the one who stalked me!”, I accuse the strange boy.
Creepily he titles his head.
“Stalking is such a harsh word. I wanted simply to know more about a follow Codename.”
…WHAT?!
“What does the creepy dude mean by that?”, wonders Tammy.
“He isn’t a government dude for sure.”, answers Kyle. “If he said follow Codename could that mean…”
“Are you like me?”, I end Kyle’s sentence, staring at the white-haired boy.
“Codename: Inquisitor, a pleasure to meet you.”, he tells me with a mocking bow.
I’m just…speechless. There is someone like me? Did the government experimented on him too, as they did on me?
“Why are you doing this?”, I want to know. “If we are the same why did you kidnap my friends and the fatass? We could have just talked to each other. Why the stalking and kidnapping?”
“I’m not like you Dovahkiin.”, begins Inquisitor. He raises a hand and shadows pulse from it. Not only did I gasp in surprise. “I was an orphan and raised by the secret government organization. I had no parents who run away with me. When I was powerful enough I run away. Since then I’m on the run, living and fighting for myself. I know that there was at least one more like me. My opposite. The light to my darkness. The Yin to my Yang. You Dovahkiin. I wanted to meet you. Did you know that the goverment planned to make us breed with eachother?”
No, he is joking?!
I hear how Tammy shriecks a sick, while the boys, beside fatass, their chin meets the floor.
“Why would they want to do this?”, I demand to know.
Inquisitor shrugs his shoulder.
“Why are they doing what they do? They want a perfect superhuman, a weapon they can uses. But this right now is not important.”
“And what is important?”
“I want to see your power Dovahkiin! Fight me and if you win your friends are free.”
I let my transformation energy flow to my body and I’m in my Magical Girl Form.
I form golden light orbs in my hands.
“Bring it on you fake albino!”
He tuts me.
“No Dovahkiin not like this. We shall fight…with a children’s card game you well know!”
“What dude?”, calls Stan in disbelief.
“Is he challenging her to a Duel Monsters duel?”, ask Tammy wondering.
“I think so.”, answers Kyle.
“What the fuck, man!”, say’s Kenny what I think.
“Are you serious?”, I ask to be sure.
Inquisitor laughs and points all around us.
“Didn’t you notice something? We aren’t any more in our world.”
“Fuck that dude, what is he talking about?”, yells Cartman.
I analyze our surroundings. I didn’t realize, but we are in a shadowy purple dome. All is dark and creepy.
No…is this possible?
“You brought us to the Shadow Realm?!”, I shriek. “It’s really real?”
“That’s part of my powers and you know surely how Shadow Games are played.”
Suddenly light and shadow twirl around my left arm forming a Duel Disk out of golden light.
“What the fuck?!”
“We will follow the Battle City Tournament rules and for every Lifepoint we lose we feel the pain in our body.”, explains Inquisitor. “Are you ready to duel Dovahkiin?”
I take out my deck from my skirt pocket and place it in my card holder. Like in the anime, the display shows now 4000 Lifepoints. I’m glad I took my deck with me, or now we would have a problem.
“If I win me and my friends are free, but what happens if you win.”, I must know.
“Simple, you come with me and leave all this behind.”
Beside Cartman, all scream in outrage on my behalf.
“You sick pervert, don’t even come near my sis!”
“Is this a scheme to get N.K. for yourself, what’s wrong with you?!”
“N.K. is not a price you can win! You aren’t better than the government who did this all to her and yourself!”
“What gives you the fucking right to do this?! Hey, motherfucker why don’t you duel me?! I will kick your ass gladly for N.K.!”
“Guys, enough!”, I command them. “I will handle this don’t worry. Inquisitor and his Purple Realm don’t scare me.”
“It’s the Shadow Realm!”
“Really, it kind of looks like purple to me.”
“Silence!”
“I’m just saying.”
Inquisitor looks ready to throttle me.
Ha, I had a feeling he doesn’t know Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series if he is really always on the run. There is no time to see this masterpiece of anime satire.
So I will use the power of Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged against him. If he can copy somehow the Shadow Realm I will use any means to defeat him.
Okay, I could beat him in a normal duel fair and square, but even if he is probably the only person who can understand my situation, the fucker threats my beloved people, besides fatass, so I will make him suffer.
“Now, let us begin with the Duel!”, he shouts and a dark shadow Duel Disk appears on his arm.
“Duel!”, we shout together.
Inquisitor has the first turn. Wonder what cards he has in his deck…even if I have a strange feeling that I know it.
And I was right as I see what cards he plays.
He is totally ripping off Yami Bakura from Battle City!
Right now he played Ouija Board Magic Card and is about to explain what it does.
Okay, I know what to do.
“Let me guess, it spelled Disney before, they had to censor it twice!”
The white-haired boy looks at me in disbelief.
“That’s, that’s not what it does! It will spell Death you will lose!”
“I’m just saying.”
“Silence!”
“Or what? Are ya gonna ask the Naruto Abridged fanbase to come to kick my butt?”
“They had a fanbase?”, calls Tammy over. She probably got what I’m playing and tries to help me.
“Touché.”
“Will you stop!”, shouts Inquisitor, while the boys try their hardest not to laugh.
The Duel continues on and the board is nearly finished spelling Disney I mean Death and Inquisitor feel smug.
“Hahahaha! Just one more letter will seal your doom! Without an Egyptian God card you will be—“
I interrupt him.
“Egyptian what now? Oh right, I completely forgot I had that!”
“What? You can’t possibly have one of the cards they were banned!”
“Bitch I might be!”
I sacrifice my three monsters to summon…
“Come forth, Slifer the Executive Producer! I mean Sky Dragon!”
Even the music when the God Card in the anime gets played sounds and Slifer appears in all his executive glory. He really is a bigass dragon, his long body curled around me and then he hover over me like a building.
“Holy fuck!”, curse Inquisitor.
“What's wrong, Inquisitor? Is my God Card really that intimidating?”
“Also, but I’m mostly shocked how you’re actually using music from the Yu-Gi-Oh soundtrack! Your powers are incredible.”
“Buttering me up will not help you. Any last words before Slifer toasts your ass?”
“…I want my mummy…”
“That'll work.”
Slifer attacks him and his life points drop to zero. At the same time, the Shadow Realm vanishes and my friends are free from their bonds.
I run up to them and hug Tammy, Kenny, Kyle, and Stan tight to me.
“I’m glad you guys are okay!”
“That was epic, sis!”
“Hey, I don’t want to interrupt your gay fest.”, calls Cartman over. “But the white-haired asshole is gone.”
“Oh shit!”
I end the hug and look around.
Yep, he is gone.
“Awesome!”, I groan. “That means he will probably appear again in some episodes and get on our nerves!”
Tammy pets my head.
“There, there N.K., you will kick his ass again no worries.”
“My worry is that he becomes like my nemesis and I have to fight him every season final or something.”
In the end, there is nothing we can do anymore.
Only watch the next volleyball game altogether.
The new and improved volleyball game featuring Magic the Gathering. No idea how Stan got this idea, but at least the gymnasium is full of people watching the game.
All in all a win for us.
I will take care of Inquisitor next time.
Can you guess why Inquisitor is called like that and what his real name could be?
Let me hear your theorys!
Till next time :D
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Friendly Faces Everywhere
Codename Dovahkiin Part 2
Now that the Stick of Truth RPG is over it's time for N.K. to face the normal everyday life of South Park.
She should have known nothing in South Park is ever normal!
Day to day the craziness of this supposed quiet little mountain town she has to combat now.
Thank god, she has Tammy, Wendy, her boys, and her Social Media/Magical Girl Powers on her side.
This gonna be a wild ride!
Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski
Chapter 5: Heartbreaks
After the whole Inquisitor business, we had a day off from school and I used it to hang out with my female friends.
I’m pretty proud of them.
They are turning into little feminists.
It’s a joy to see that.
We decide to all get tickets for the Woman of Rock concert in Denver this Saturday. That will be amazing! I know it!
Yeah, so we had a nice and calm day.
When school was back the next day a pissed Kyle walked past my locker. I was about to go to Tammy’s locker, but I can’t let one of my friends/crush be like that.
“Hey Kyle what’s wrong?”, I call after him.
Good thing he stops and turns to me.
“Morning N.K., did you have a nice day off?”
I walk up to him and place a hand on his shoulder.
“I hung out with the girls, we had a nice day. You, my friend, look like some spit into your cereals.”
Kyle makes a face and explains: “You know I have a little brother. Ike?”
“Mhm-Mhm.”
“Well, I got the new Call of Duty and wanted to play with him, but he rather watches some dude named PewDiePie play it on his computer.”
“What is a PewDiePie?”, I ask confused.
“He's this guy from Sweden who has over 30 million YouTube subscribers. That dude is a big celebrity with kids these days.”
It makes klick in my head.
“Oh, he is a Let’s Player isn’t he?”
Kyle looks surprised at me.
“You know that, but you don’t know him?”
“I look sometimes at youtube videos if I don’t know how to solve a riddle in one of my video games for example.”, I explain to him. “Youtube is full of Let’s Players, but I never really gave them any attention. I just look for a solution if I’m stuck on continuing on playing. Don’t care who gives me that.”
“I wish Ike would do the same thing. He…just watched this PewDiePie play the games he should play with me and doesn’t care anymore.”, he signs defeated.
“Are you jealous, Ky?”
“Maybe a bit. I just want to spend time with my little brother. He can be a little shit, but I love him.”
My heart gets all warm and I want to hug Kyle to death. That’s so sweet!
I look around and find what I need right now.
Janitor’s closet.
I take Kyle’s hand, ignore his questions about what I’m doing, and lead him into it. I close it behind us.
Kyle is clearly confused, till I wrap my arms around his neck, hugging him to me. Now he is red like a tomato but hugs me back.
“N.K.?”
“I know I said that I wanted us all to stay friends and maybe it’s really not fair to Kenny but…you are so hot and cute when you talk about how much you love your brother. I dig it so much, someone who cares for his family. Do you mind if I kiss you, Ky?”
I can’t even look so fast as Kyle plants clumsy his lips on mine. I grin because of his enthusiasm and his clear lack of experience.
The red-haired boy feels this and takes his lips from me.
“Was this bad? Or too eager?”, he asks unsure.
“It was perfect, now come here.”
I kiss him now.
Our lips slot together and slowly I show him how to kiss right. Our lips meet and part in a hot dance, till I’m sure he can handle it and lick along his lips.
Like a good boy, Kyle opens his mouth to me and we explore each other mouth.
He is a damn fast learner, I give him that.
I’m enjoying myself greatly and I hope he does too. The way he moans as we got more…handsy with each other is a good indicator that he is having the time of his life.
That’s when Kyle gets bolder. Shit! I had a feeling that Kyle is a top. Now I’m the one who moans and has weak knees.
Normally I prefer to top, but as he kisses along my throat, feeling his hands everywhere I have to admit to being a sub to him isn’t all that bad.
It’s amazing and an experience I can only recommend.
“Kyle!”, I moan as he sucks a practically sensible spot on my neck. “I would love to continue. Oh shit, baby, right there! Ah! But, but the school bell.-“
“Lay down.”
Huh?
Drunk on my hormones I blink at him.
The Kyle I see now turns me even more on. His beautiful green eyes have a spark in them I never saw and that smirk! Fuck, it’s hot.
He plants a kiss on my lips.
“Lay down, N.K. I don’t care if we miss the first hour, I’m not done with you. I waited so long to have you with me, dream about it, I’m not letting this chance waste.”, he confesses to me and his burning look could set me on fire right here right now.
I let out a whine and do as he says.
Let’s just say we missed the first hour completely and he had to put a hand on my mouth or I would have moaned so loudly that we would have been caught.
10 to 10 can only recommend skipping school and being with a fiery redhead in a janitor’s closet.
My satisfied smile doesn’t leave me, even after I got detention for missing the first lesson and didn’t have an excuse, to when all girls sat together at lunch break.
All my friends look confused and worried at me.
Wendy leans over to Tammy and whisper-shouts: “What’s wrong with her, her smile is creeping me out.”
“I don’t know. She missed the first lesson and then came the second lesson grinning like that.”, whisper–shouts Tammy back.
“N.K. hun, we love you, but stop it with the Joker smile.”, begs me, Bebe, while all our friends agree.
“I’m just happy, why is my smile creeping you out?”
“Why is your voice all raspy?”, wants Heidi to know. “It’s like…I don’t know?”
“Like she screamed really loud?”, means Red, eating her Mac and Cheese, pointedly not looking at me so she can’t see my apparently creepy smile.
“Yeah, like this.”
Nichole seems to analyze me formally, till she has a conclusion and gasps.
“Someone got down on you, didn’t they, N.K.?!”
Caught I blush crimson red and my friends’ chins meet the floor.
“You are kidding!”, shrieks Annie.
“Damn girl!”, applauds me Red.
“Who was it?!”, demands Bebe to know, while Wendy, Tammy, and Heidi just stare at me. I’m imagining things or does Heidi look sad?
“First of all that’s not the first time someone got down on me!”, I make clear. This earns me surprised gasps and damn girl. “Nor it’s not the first time I got down on someone and can you stop acting all shocked? Thanks. I’m just high on endorphins, that’s why I smile so. Also, it was one of my crushes so…”
“Oh my god, it was Kenny wasn’t it?!”, guesses Bebe.
I can’t help the smirk and drink my glass of water like the thirsty hoe I am.
“No…Kyle?!”, gasp Tammy and all my friends are losing it.
“Kenny and I had our moment when we played Stick of Truth and well today I had it with Kyle.”, I explain.
My friends are losing clearly their shit, only Heidi looks sadder any second.
Huh?
“Heidi?”, I call her. “Is something wrong?”
“N-No…I’m just not hungry anymore.”
She stands up from the table with her tablet.
“I will just…throw this away and maybe hang out at the library.”
We look after her all worried and confused.
“What is with Heidi?”, wonders Annie.
“Never saw her like that.”, agrees Nichole.
“Let’s give her time. Now N.K. you have to tell us all about how good Kenny and Kyle are, I’m dying over here!”, begs me, Bebe.
I roll my eyes but I explain in detail my two…let’s call it adventures with the boys.
After I’m done all look really bothered and red in the face.
“Damn, sis, I don’t want to be in your shoes right now.”, tells Tammy. “This makes it only more complicated whom you should pick.”
…Oh fuck didn’t think about that.
“You didn’t even think about that, huh?”, deadpans Wendy at me.
I groan and let my head fall on the table.
“My thirstiness once again fucked me.”
“At least you got two times good oral fucked before.”
“Bebe!”
“I’m just saying, Wends!”
At the end of the school day, I manage to catch Kenny alone at his locker.
“My princess.”, I call for him. “Can we talk for a second?”
“Hey N.K., what’s up?”, he asks as he puts some books in his backbag.
I sign, nervously rubbing my neck.
“Kenny I…Oh fuck, how do I say this?”
Kenny just titles his head cutely.
“You remember our little…erm…romantic getaway while we played Stick of Truth? After we freed Craig from detention?”
He stares a second at me, till I hear how he snorts. “Nice description of us both giving the other head.”
“Kenneth, keep it down!”, I hiss. “It’s not anyone’s business.”
“Sure thing babe, why are you asking me that? Wanna go again? Choose me over Kyle?”
I can clearly hear the hopefulness in his jesting tone.
Oh fuck.
Why can’t I control myself better?
What I’m gonna tell him, will surely break his heart.
POLYAMORY!
Brain, not now!
I take all my courage I have to confess: “Actually…me and Kyle had today such a moment. That’s why he was late for class.”
It’s still between us.
A really bad stillness.
I don’t like it one bit.
“So…you choose Kyle? Did you want to tell me that?”, guesses Kenny in such a sad and defeated tone, that I get tears in my eyes. I feel his pain. “Can’t blame you. Kyle is good-looking, smart, and well-off. He can treat you better than I ever could.”
Before he can walk away I grip him by his shoulders.
“Kenny, Kenneth, my princess, that say such things. I told you this because I said we should stay friends and then I got horny and forgot it. I’m at fault here. I like you so much Kenny, I really do, but I like Kyle too. I can’t decide because I’m greedy and want you both.”, I tell him.
“Both? Like at the same time?”, he asks wondering. “Like a harem or what?”
“More like polyamoures relantenship. It’s when three or more people date each other.”, I correct. “But I know I can’t demand that from Kyle and you. You both are straight and don’t have feelings for each other. I will tell this Kyle too and not persuade anyone of you. I rather stay friends with you both than lose one of you. Forgive me, Kenny.”
With that dramatically I leave him.
Tears falling down my cheeks.
Why had this come to this?
It’s Saturday night and our whole girl squad with our mothers are at the Woman of Rock concert.
The atmosphere is amazing and Miley Cyrus slays, yet I can’t enjoy this.
I’m thinking about the heartbreak I inflicted on Kenny and Kyle. All because I’m greedy, chasing after something I can never have.
Both of them.
All my friends and our moms are having the time of their life, only I am the sad one.
Without enthusiasm, I dance and sing along to the songs.
That’s when I see how Heidi is walking in the direction of the food stands.
“Where is Heidi going?”, I yell at Tammy.
“She said she is thirsty.”, she answers yelling back.
Well…it’s not like I have anything better do to. Maybe talking with Heidi and eating a hotdog is better.
I tell my Mamma that I’m going to get something to eat, then I reach Heidi as she buys herself a Pepsi.
I didn’t see it before but…Heidi also looks like she rather be somewhere else than here.
Kinda like me.
“Hey, Heidi. The concert isn’t that great for you too, huh?”
She drinks her Pepsi, not looking at me.
“Yeah, I thought I would enjoy it, but I just can’t stop to think.”
“I feel you.”, I admit. “Wanna talk about it?”
Heidi shrugs her shoulders but agrees. I get myself something to drink too and a hotdog and we sit down at one of the tables.
“You still hung up on Kyle and Kenny?”, she ask me directly.
I sign.
“I told them both that I called it off.”
“Called it off?”
“Heidi, I’m a greedy bitch who wants Kyle and Kenny at the same time. Polyamoures relationship, do you remember I explained to you guys this the other day or so? I know that both will never agree to that since they are straight, so I put an end to this. I will stay just friends with them.”
My brunette friend humms and then looks at me with sad eyes.
Why is she sad?
“But you still like them.”
“That will probably never change.”, I confess, trying to keep my tears at bay.
Kyle and Kenny are both one in a million. I never felt a connection with someone as I feel it with them.
But it’s a pointless dream.
“You know I have a crush.”, startles me Heidi with her own confession. I blink at her, while she smiles bittersweet. “But my crush doesn’t seem to realize this.”
“Then he is an idiot.”
“She.”
…WHAT?!
“Don’t look that shocked…your lessons helped me realize that I actually like girls too.”, she admins, playing with her cup. “And now I have this crush on this amazing girl, yet she doesn’t see it, because she has her own drama going on.”
I just look at Heidi. My gut is telling me I know who she is talking about.
I reach for her hand, squeezing it.
“I never meant to hurt you too! I’m sorry I didn’t see you Heidi.”, I apologize heartfully.
She blushes red like a tomato and looks down.
“You had Kenny and Kyle on your mind.”
“That’s not an excuse to treat you badly. Heidi, you are one of my best friends. Yes, I’m hung up on Kenny and Kyle, but you mean a lot to me too.”
“Don’t give me hope, please.”, she cries silently.
I wipe away her tears and caress her cheek.
“Heidi listen. I thought about asking you out, but I didn’t because of this whole Kenny and Kyle disaster. But I put an end to this. It has no future. But…I can imagine a future with you.”
Now she gasps, crying even more.
“You wanna go out with me tomorrow?”, I ask her. “I will totally understand after all this if you don’t want to.”
She is still for a few seconds till she answers: “I—I would like this very much.”
I can’t help but smile and give her a little kiss on the cheek. Heidi blushes even more.
My heart feels a bit lighter.
Maybe that is what I need right now to get over Kenny and Kyle.
A real date with someone I like and only like them.
Heidi and I return holding hands back to the concert.
Well, the concert ended in a flop as Lorde started to rub her clit in front of us all.
Never so fast did my Mamma pick me up and got me home.
I’m now in my room, telling Tammy on the phone about my date with Heidi tomorrow.
“Not that I’m happy for you that you still wanna date.”, she begins. “But is this really the best way, if you still like Kenny and Kyle?”
“I never said I didn’t like Heidi!”
“Yeah, I know. You said that you would hit her or Bebe up. I’m just…worried okay? For you and for her. Don’t get into a relationship only because you can’t have Kenny and Kyle together. That wouldn’t be fair to Heidi.”
We talk till bedtime about this. I can understand Tammy, I really do, but I also really like Heidi.
I want to try.
Sunday evening approaches fast and it’s time for my date with Heidi.
I picked this time a red dress, with a rose hairband and black shoes.
We agreed on I would pick her up for our date.
I knock on her door and her father opens.
“Hello N.K.”
“Hello Mr. Turner, is Heidi ready?”
“In a moment, little lady. Look I’m gonna be straight with you, I always thought my daughter would bring a boy home, so I’m a bit confused about what to do.”, he tells me. “I know you both are good friends already and treating you to hurt you if you hurt her…hasn’t the same effect since you are a girl and I don’t think you are like the horny boys in your age group…so…just be good to my daughter all right?”
I give it to Mr. Turner he is at least trying. A lot of parents should be like this. Supportive.
“Don’t worry Mr. Turner Heidi is first and foremost my friend, even if this wouldn’t work out I would do anything to stay her friend because I like her.”, I say to him.
“Good, that’s good, little lady. Heidi! N.K. is here.”, he calls back into the house.
“Coming Dad!”
Seeing Heidi in her pretty floral dress makes all doubts vanish from my mind.
I smile big at her and she smiles the same way back at me.
I greet her with a little cheek kiss, taking her hand.
Yes, this is the right decision.
Hand in hand Heidi and I walk into school. We giggle and smile, ignoring the shocked looks of most people.
We walk up to our friend group, who is standing around Bebe’s locker. All are smiling back at us.
At least our friends are on our side.
“Since you both shine bright like diamonds, I assume your date went well?”, it’s a rhetorical question from Tammy.
I wrap my arm around Heidi’s shoulder and kiss the crown of her head. All our friends coo.
“Yeah, we are dating!”, I proclaim.
Our friends start to congratulate us, as I hear Cartmen’s voice: “Oh look at that, the thirsty hoe, got herself a little lesbian. Tired of sucking dicks, huh, bitch!”
I turn around to smash my fist in his stupid face…only to blink at the little commentator window above us, like in a Let’s Play.
“What the fuck Cartman!”
“What is this shit, now?”, adds Wendy, as the other girls agree.
“It’s called commenting. Not that a hippie like you would know, Wendy.”
“Fuck off, Fatass!”, I growl. “Or I will make you.”
“And how-“
I’m not letting him finish.
I jump high in the air and smash my fist against it.
The commentary window is gone.
All aww at me, while Heidi says proudly: “That’s my girlfriend!”
One good thing about this strange ability Cartman now has is that since I destroyed it, people don’t really react anymore to Heidi and me, they ask me to please destroy Cartman’s commentary window when it pops up.
It’s satisfying seeing fatass getting madder at me for any window I destroy.
Still, I wonder how he got that power all of a sudden.
Well, if he plans to get world domination this way I will stop him with my Magical Girl Powers.
For now, I will enjoy my new relationship with Heidi.
As I escort her to her classroom, I see Kenny and Kyle who look at me with…longing I would say.
I ignore them and kiss Heidi’s forehead as a goodbye.
It’s better this way.
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The Magician's Quest
SoT AU: Her homeland invaded, her parents died, and all Magic was outlawed. Dark Magician N.K. is on the run from the Inquisition, who wants nothing more than to burn her at a stake. She finds herself in Zaron, the Human Kingdom, not knowing that she stepped into a war for the most powerful relict of them all. A legend, which is reality. The Stick of Truth.
I always wanted to write a Stick of Truth AU and here I am. I will update this once per week on any Tuesday timezone Cest Utc+2.
Also since Post Covid I wanted to write for the adult kids with adult themes without people screaming at me I can’t write smut for fictional characters.
So all characters are over 18 but their age isn’t named. Image them how you like them. Post-Covid special or your own fantasy. :D
Happy reading now.
Prolog
She was so tired.
Tired and hungry.
Tired, hungry, and dirty.
When was the last time she slept well?
As her parents were still alive.
When was the last time she eat?
Last Monday, when she stole from the Traveling Merchant an apple.
When was the last time she washed herself?
Two days ago in the little waterfall between Zaron and Larnion.
Now she was here.
Finally.
In Zaron.
She know that the Human Kingdom was led by the legendary Grand Wizard Eric Cartman.
He always searched for promising Mages in his court.
Some said he had an obsession with magic and any new magician brought him new wisdom about it.
Some said he was fast annoyed with his magician and throw them out like rotten tomatoes.
N.K. didn’t care for rumors.
She only cared about to find finally a place where she would be safe.
Her homeland was invaded by the Purists of the True Light. They were mostly human but had a scary knowledge of how to counter Magic. Themselves said their prayers to their god made them immune to Magic.
The brunette woman only know that her mother, her beloved mother, and the Queen’s Court Magician, had been ripped apart by a shining light, nothing left of her.
Father tried to run away with her, but the Inquisitors of the Purists got him too.
And they didn’t stop.
N.K. saw half of her town killed in cold blood. She felt ashamed that she used this chaos to run away and not to fight.
Yet, how could she not fulfill her father’s last request for her?
“Live my little princess. For me and your mother!”
These words haunted her sleep.
Like the screams of agony and the shouted accusation of her death neighbors and friends.
“Why didn’t you help us?”
“You coward!”
“You were the next Court Magician, why N.K.?”
“All your power, all your talent, for nothing!”
“Traitor!”
She breathes heavily and grips her cloak.
The castle of Kupa Keeps looms in the distance.
N.K. knows it’s not good to think about her nightmares. She needs to get to the castle before it gets dark. She is already weak enough and can’t risk getting attacked in the forest. She needs to conserve her energy.
So she grits her teeth, walking to her hopeful new home.
Paladin Butters the Merciful has secrets.
Secrets that would have her killed if her king ever found them out.
One…she was born as a man, but deep down she knows she should have been a woman.
All right, this would probably not get her killed. Eric accepts even Princess Kenny, but her parents would be so disappointed in her.
She can’t risk their disappointment again.
As she was born without any indication of being able to learn the higher Magics and become the Court Magician, she had been grounded for a whole year.
If Princess Kenny with her sister didn’t visit her at night, she would have turned crazy.
So no, she can’t go back to that.
Her second and biggest secret is what will for sure get her killed…she loved the wrong man.
He was a proud and powerful Ranger with the cutest and fiercest wolf companion.
And an elf.
Yep, she loved the famous and feared by humans Stanley Marshwalker, the right-hand man of the High Elf King.
“I hate that we can only meet like this, Marianne.”, groans Stan into her neck, as they lay together on the forest floor, after one of their secret couplings.
She is still in wonder that he also loves her. She had heard the rumors that he was once engaged to the right-hand woman of the Amazon Queen, Lady Wendy from the Falling Trees.
Nonetheless, after that fateful day two years ago, Stan was hers as she was his now.
Marianne, the name she chooses for herself and only Stan, Princess Kenny, and Princess Karen used to her in private, strokes with one hand her loves beautiful black hair, while she looks at the sun.
“Oh hamburgers, I need to go.”, she shrieks.
How she wished she could simulate a more feminine voice like Princess Kenny!
She hates all this… manliness on her. That’s why she insists that Stan takes her always…she doesn’t want to use the thing between her legs as much as she can.
Stan grips her hips, narrow and not womanly at all, urgh, whining into her ear.
“No, Bunny, come on! We just got here!”
“Stanley we had sex for like three hours. I really need to go or the Wizard King will be awful cross with me!”
“Come with me, please.”, he begs her like every time they meet. “Leave Zaron and come with me to Larnion. There you can be yourself and we can wed.”
“Stan, you know I can’t. My parents still need me. And I can’t leave Princess Kenny and Karen all alone.”, she reminds him, carefully ripping his hands from her body and searching for her robe.
Stan still lays naked on the forest ground, his cape used as a blanket, and crosses his arms behind his head, while she gets dressed.
“Marianne, Bunny, I know that you hate it when I say it, but your parents are assholes! Fuck them, they don’t deserve you.”
She places her Paladin band on her head and puts her long blond hair into a ponytail. That’s the only feminine thing she is allowed do to without raising suspicions.
“They will not live forever. One day…I will be free.”, she mumbles, yet Stan hears her.
He looks with his big brown eyes at her sadly.
“Bunny…you know how tensions are rising again. Our two lands could get to war anytime and we could face each other on the battlefield. What should we do then?”
The blond-haired woman bites her lips.
She doesn’t have an answer for that.
They part like they always part.
With a lot of kisses, bittersweet and painful, and promises of undying love.
Marianne wonders how long they can keep this going. It’s a miracle that in two years no one got suspensions on them, but how long will their luck last?
Is Stan right and war is on the horizon?
What should she do if she has to fight elves again? Stan’s friends, family, and brothers-in-arms.
What should she do if she had to fight Stan?
She doesn’t want to think about it.
A loud sign left her mouth.
Why can’t she be just happy with Stan?
Why was she born human and he elf?
Marianne feels like this famous female character in one of the plays she saw in the Kingdom.
Juliette was her name.
For Juliette and her Romeo, their love ended in death.
She doesn’t want this for her and Stan.
That’s when she sees a cloaked figure on the way to Kupa Keep. She takes note of this person because they can barely stand. They shake uncontrolled and breathe really heavily.
“Hey, traveler, you all right?”, she asks, walking faster to reach them.
It’s good that she does it since the unknown person loses their stepping and falls down on the ground!
“Hamburgers!”
She kneels down and helps the traveler to sit up. This way the hood of the person falls off.
Marianne can see that the poor soul is a young woman.
Dirty, matted long brown hair which smells like rotten food cascades down to her wide hips. She wears a pink-blue magician outfit, which the female magicians of the Land of the Winning Sun are famous for.
The paladin gasped, while the mage groans, her eyes rolling into her head. The poor girl fainted.
Winning Sun was conquered two months ago and they have heard that the Purist of the True Light killed all the magicians there.
All, besides the woman in her arms it seems.
Determined Marianne takes her bridal style, making haste to Kupa Keep.
She will be damned if someone dies under her eyes!
Check out my New Kid Series Codename: Dovahkiin Stick of Truth and Friendly Faces Everywhere for canon South Park :D
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Friendly Faces Everywhere
Codename Dovahkiin Part 2
Now that the Stick of Truth RPG is over it's time for N.K. to face the normal everyday life of South Park.
She should have known nothing in South Park is ever normal!
Day to day the craziness of this supposed quiet little mountain town she has to combat now.
Thank god, she has Tammy, Wendy, her boys, and her Social Media/Magical Girl Powers on her side.
This gonna be a wild ride!
Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski
Chapter 6: Head empty, only confusion
I can’t believe how time has flown so fast.
In a few days, it’s Christmas.
My family broke their record of staying in one place.
It’s an incredible feeling. Celebrating this year in a town, which has become my home, and not in a stinky Motel room like last year.
Also, it’s the only time in the year I love snow.
Snow on Christmas Day is perfect.
I’m right now with Leo. We are building a snowman together before our houses.
“It’s awesome that we can play today big sis!”, say’s Leo happily.
“I agree. Leo, I’m sorry that I was so distant the last few days just…I didn’t want to make it awkward with me dating Heidi and being close to Stan’s Gang still.”, I confess ashamed.
Yes, call me a coward. I practically abandoned my male friends, because I couldn’t handle the unpleasant atmosphere, which was born between us since I "broke up" with Kyle and Kenny and started dating Heidi.
I did it also in respect for Heidi.
I know she is unsure about my feelings for her since I was so hung up on the two boys.
Being distant seemed the right way.
“No I kind of get it.”, tells Leo. “Kyle and Kenny are really sad about this, but also give the other the fault for this. They had a big fight and aren’t talking with each other.”
I wince at this.
Exactly that I didn’t want to happen, but whatever I do, someone gets hurt.
This sucks ass.
“How are the guys…be truthful to me.”, I beg Leo.
He frowns, while he puts the stones for our snowman eyes on the head.
“Well…Kyle is trying his hardest to save the living room, to get the family together again. I think Stan helps him. Kenny is taking care of Karen and Eric is busy with his Youtube account. I think they are okay, don’t worry so much big sis. You made your decision and they will learn to live with it.”
A soft smile forms on my lips and I pet Leo’s head.
“You are so positive, Leo. Never lose this okay?”
“Don’t worry, big sis. How is it going between you and Heidi?”
Hearing my girlfriend’s name fills me instantly with joy. I can easily forget what emotional disaster I created.
“Pretty good. Really, really good. I’m happy when I’m with her and I miss her when she is away. I think…it can be something for a long time.”, I confess.
“Woah, neato. Could you imagine marrying Heidi?”
…Oh, this is a question I didn’t expect.
Can I image it?
It’s a beautiful sunny day.
Not too cold not too warm.
The cute little church is filled with colorful flowers.
All my friends are sitting on the benches.
I’m holding into my Papà arm.
He leads me down the aisle.
There she waits for me.
Heidi.
A vision in her wedding dress.
But as I reach her, all start to shake and twist and turn.
Heidi isn’t waiting anymore for me at the altar.
It’s…Kenny…and…Kyle!
I see Stan besides Kyle holding a little boy in his arms.
Beautiful red curls.
An adorable cherubic-like face.
One eye is blue, the other green.
The little boy seems to stare into my soul…
“N.K.! Big sis! Are you all right?”
Leo’s voice drags me back from…this vision I had?
What was that?
I blink rapidly at him, and he doesn’t know if he should touch me to stabilize me or not.
In the end, he grips my shoulders.
Whatever I experience right now…it’s gone like fog with the first sun rays.
“Sorry, Leo, didn’t want to worry you.”, I gasp for air, petting one of his hands. “Maybe it’s time to go home. I still don’t like the cold.”
I can see how Leo isn’t convinced. He practically demands that he escort me the few meters to my house.
For that, I ruffle his hair.
He is such a cutie.
We part, with the promise to see us soon.
The next day I’m taking a walk with Heidi.
Hand in hand we enjoy the pretty Christmas decoration the town put up.
“Did you get all your Christmas presents?”, asks me Heidi curious
“Yeah, what I stress I tell you.”, I chuckle and swing our hands. “I…I never had so many friends as I have them here in South Park.”
“You are so strong N.K., I can’t imagine moving so often and leaving all my friends behind. You deserve to have a lot of friends.”
“And a super cute and wonderful girlfriend.”, I flirt.
Heidi giggles cutely, as I kiss the crown of her head.
We walk past the little Eletronik Shop which has like in the movies TVs in the sales windows.
I would have ignored what the TVs are playing if I didn’t suddenly hear Kyle’s voice.
Surprised I stop to watch what is on the TVs.
It shows Kyle in his living room, wearing a white shirt that has written on it #savethelivingroom.
“Please, tune in and help get America's families back in the living room.”
What the fuck, why is Cartman’s stupid commentator window also up? Of course, he calls Kyle a douchebag.
An announcer ends this spot with the words: “It's all live and it's all magical. It's the Washington Redskins Go Fuck Yourself Holiday Special.”
…The fuck?!
“N.K., are you all right?”, ask Heidi worried.
“Just…peachy, love.”
“Are you sure? Your left eye is twitching.”
Indeed it is. I try to stop it.
“I’m just… surprised that’s all. Also, I have a feeling Cartman is planning something, I felt in my gut.”, I admit.
Heidi gives me a look.
“And…you are totally angry that Kyle didn’t ask for your help and has gone to other people with his #savethelivingroom agenda. And now it seems they are using him and you want to start swinging. Especially at Cartman.”
Damn, Heidi is good! She really knows me well.
I sign and lead her away from the shop.
“Let’s just keep going. That’s not my problem what the boys do or not do.”
“I don’t want that you ignore your friends for me.”, she mumbles, facing the ground. Shit, I don’t want her to feel bad! “I know you ignore them mostly for me, but N.K. they are still your friends. You should help them if needed.”
I gulp, shaking my head.
“You are more important.”
“But N.K.-“
“No, Heidi, love, it’s okay.”
In silence, we continue our walk. Anyone tormented with their own thoughts.
Later I’m sitting in the living room looking at Twitter. I can’t believe that the fat asshole is trending so much!
He has nearly a high reach like when I use my Social Media Powers.
Unbelievable!
Mamma steps into the living room and puts a platter of fresh-baked cookies on the couch table.
Normally I would start eating them like a man starved, but…I just can’t.
What, Heidi said that I shouldn’t ignore my friends for her, and the wish in me to help them is going in circles in my brain.
“N.K., gumdrop, you don’t want a cookie?”, wonders Mamma surprised. “These are your favorite chocolate chip cookies.”
I put my phone away, shaking my head.
“Not hungry.”
“That’s your code for: I’m overthinking something and don’t know how to handle it.”, Mamma points out and I whine.
She is right.
“Wanna tell me what is going on?”
Not like I have to lose something.
“Mamma you know that I’m dating Heidi?”
“Hard not to since you presented her to your Papà and me.”
She sits down beside me on the couch stroking my hair.
“Yeah, right of course. You know…I had this huge crush on Kenny and Kyle. I couldn’t decide who I liked better and made a mess.”, I nearly cry, leaning on Mamma. “I know Heidi is insecure that I really like her and that’s why I ignored pretty much the boys. But now I have a feeling they need my help, but I also feel like I will betray Heidi this way.”
My Mamma hmms thoughtfully, hugging me to herself and I fall formally into her embrace.
“Did you talk with Heidi about this?”
“Not in so many words, but she said to me I shouldn’t ignore my friends.”
“Then listen to her.”
“But Mamma-“
“Now N.K. I know you don’t wanna hurt anybody, but if you don’t listen to what others say it will for sure happen. Believe in Heidi and that your relanteship is strong enough to have a friendship with the boys. You choose Heidi so committed to it.”
Tears fell down my cheeks and I huge my Mamma tight.
“Mamma…I think I love Kenny and Kyle…”, I confess in a tiny voice, ready to break apart. “I like Heidi, I really do…but I can’t stop thinking about Kenny and Kyle. I want them so much it hurts…”
“Oh my little princess.”, cooe Mamma kissing the crown of my head. “You stay away from them because you are scared you will cheat on Heidi, is that it?”
I can only nod, crying harder.
Mamma sings softly to me my favorite nursery rhyme from when I was little, rocking me back and forth in her arms.
“My little baby…why don’t you try polyamory?”, ask me, Mamma.
I hear a record scratch.
Did I hear her right?
I look up at her shocked.
“Mamma?”
“I…I never told you this but…I grow up with a mother and two fathers.”, let’s Mamma the bomb drop.
My chin meets the floor.
That’s…that’s the first time Mamma has talked about her family. When in the past I asked about them, she always told me that they are all dead and she doesn’t want to talk about it.
Now that she is doing it willingly…I’m just what?
Mamma strokes my hair and continues to tell me this: “You are a lot like your grandma, you know. No wonder you inherit her polyamory tendencies from her too. She told me when I was a little girl that she fall in love with my biological father and my dad at the same time. Your grandma couldn’t decide either who she liked more, because she loved both my fathers equally. So they decide to be together all three. Well, my two fathers never fall in love with each other, but they became best friends, and the love for my mother and then for me united them. Polyamory can also work if two of the party stay just friends.”
This…is a lot to unpack.
My mother notes that I’m practically having a crisis, so she hugs me tight.
“Maybe I confused you more with this…but N.K. I want you to know that if you truly talk to people and let them decide for themselves then maybe you will get what you want.”
“I like Heidi, I really do, I can imagine being with her for a long time. Why should I go for the complicated ones?”, I protest.
“Can you? Who do you try to convince? Me or yourself?”
I can just stare at the floor.
An image of a beautiful little red-haired boy with one green and one blue eye practically manifests before my inner eye.
A tear falls from my eyes dropping down on the couch.
I don’t have an answer.
I’m only lost.
With a loud sniff, I hide in my mother’s embrace.
I don’t want to think.
I don’t want to feel.
I just want to be left alone.
And I don’t wanna hurt anybody.
After a while, I calm down. Mamma tries to apologize if her words were too hard, but I just wave it off.
Maybe I needed to hear that.
That doesn’t mean I know what do to.
Defeated and done with anything I go up in my room and fall on my bed.
We may have a place at Christmas we finally can call home…yet I’m miserable.
Didn’t help either that polyamorous tendencies are genetic in our family.
I wish I meet my grandma…and my two grandpas.
Maybe they could help.
I pull my blanket over my head, closing my eyes.
I want to be alone and in silence for a while. Not to think about all this emotional chaos I have.
Later, I will join later my parents to celebrate Christmas…
I don’t know how I know but I’m in a place called Denny's Applebee's Max. Around me are all the people I know from South Park. Anyone is older.
It’s a big Christmas Celebration.
I’m sipping some champagne and looking around the room.
“Nice party, huh?”, says Tammy to me.
I turn to my best friend.
She…Tammy is also an adult. She still has long hair with blond highlights and wears a really simple black dress with some heels.
“Yep.”, I pop the p with zero enthusiasm.
Tammy signs and places a hand on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry N.K., I really am.”
I snort and down my drink.
“You are not the one who crashed their own marriage.”, I remind her bittersweet. Careful I look around. “You don’t see her do you?”
She shakes her head.
“You told me yourself that she left you for her boss. They are probably at the Bahamas or some shit getting drunk on coconut milk.”
“Only because I didn’t work on our marriage!”
“N.K. you are a motherfucking Superhero who saved this shitty world more times than we can count. Heidi should have been more understanding.”
“I don’t wanna talk anymore about that.”
Like a coward, I walk away in search of a new glass of champagne. I can’t even talk anymore with my super best friend.
This job is killing me.
It killed my marriage.
Now it will kill my social life.
Why did I agree to serve the government?
That’s when I see how Stan, freshly returned from the Mars colony, enters the restaurant and gets hugged by Kyle and then Kyle’s two adorable children.
I feel pain in my chest.
After I started dating Heidi I distanced myself from Stan’s Gang. The pandemic in 2020 didn’t help either.
Kenny joins them and all three friends laugh and talk with each other.
At least they are happy…
That’s when my phone sounds and I get help but sign.
I should have known I couldn’t celebrate Christmas again with my friends and family.
My duty comes always first.
I pick up the phone.
“Commander? Who is invading us now?”
I step out of the restaurant, alone, without someone who will wait for me to return.
“You saw one way you life could go? Would you like to see another one?”
YES!
I don’t know how I know but I’m in a place called Denny's Applebee's Max. Around me are all the people I know from South Park. Anyone is older.
It’s a big Christmas Celebration.
With an I whine I rub the spot on my belly where the baby kicked me.
That may be my fourth pregnancy but this child confuses my insides for a football.
“Mommy, is my little brother naughty again?”, ask me my little Naomi.
She is tucked to my side, rubbing my belly too.
Her beautiful red hair falls in long curls to her hips and her brown eyes shine like amber. She is tall for a five-year-old.
“A bit, but I can handle it, maudeleh.”, I reassure her.
“Mamma!”, calls my oldest daughter for me. 15 years old, tall, golden locks, and with brown eyes. She walks over to us like a top model. “Do you know when Uncle Stan and Aunt Marianne will be here?! I have to tell Ariel the newest gossip from Earth! Can’t believe they stayed for nearly a year on Mars! I miss my super best friend!”
“Layla you will survive these few minutes. You did it for a year.”, deadpans my oldest child and son at her. At 20 years, he is a young adult, but still, my little baby I fought so hard for. Styled red locks, one eye green and one eye blue in a devilishly handsome face, which makes all swoon.
“Don’t be a dick, Alexander!”
“Layla Tammy Broflovski, what did I tell you about such langue!”, scolds Kyle her, giving me a kiss on the cheek and petting Naomi on the head.
“That it’s not okay to call my siblings dick but anyone else is free game.”
Besides Kyle, we all snort, while he sends a look at the blond man who is coming towards us.
“She got that from you, Kenny!”, he accuse our husband.
Kenny grins cheeky, giving me a forehead kiss and Kyle one on his cheek.
“And yet you married my foul langue speaking ass.”
Kyle rolls his eyes at him, while Kenny picks up Naomi and puts her on his shoulders.
“Well my babes I agree with Lala-“
“-Daddy!-“
“-Over there. When are the Marshs coming? I wonder how big little Jamie got.”
We hear how someone nears us.
It’s Tammy, also pregnant, her husband behind her, holding their little three-year-old girl in his arms.
“Madam President-“
“-Tammy you are my best friend and my right-hand woman stop calling me that even in private!-“
“-You are the president of the United States what do you want from me sis? We have an Alert, I’m sorry.”
Alexander groans while I pet his head.
“I’m sorry, bubaleh, till I’m knocked up with your little brother I can’t go and fight.”
“No Ma it’s okay, I just hoped I could have at least said hello to Uncle Stan and Aunt Marianne.”
“Someone called our names?”
I can’t even look that fast as Layla formally jumps her best friend and my niece, Ariel Marsh, both girls hugging and jumping around like crazy kangaroos.
“Oh hamburgers, someone is happy!”, gasps Marianne and hugs little two-year-old Jamie to herself.
Alexander and Naomi formally throw themselves at Stan, Marianne, and Jamie, who return the affectionate gesture. After Layla and Ariel are done with each other, my daughter hugs her aunt, uncle, and cousin too.
I and my husbands also join the group hug.
It’s so cute seeing Stan, Kyle, and Kenny together, while I shower my little sister and my nephew in kisses.
Our big family is together again.
It’s so amazing.
At this moment I look up and meet the eyes of Alexander.
He gives me a tiny smile.
“Are you happy Ma? Is this all you ever wanted? Will you choose this way?”
With a gasp, I sit up on my bed and look confused around.
What kind of fever dreams did I just have?
Never in my life was I so confused.
There is a knock on my door. Still reeling I call for the person to come in.
It’s Mamma.
“Ah, you woke up. Papà and I were getting worried. Come let’s have Christmas Dinner.”
I can just nod, following my mother.
My parents tell me apparently I missed how Cartman tried to take world domination via his Youtube channel and was then stopped by PewDiePie.
What can happen when one takes a short nap.
Only one thing is clear.
I’m more confused than ever.
If someone wanted to help me…this was a spectacular mistake.
Christmas fucking sucks, my dudes!
*Twirls my fake mustache like a villain*
I can’t wait to hear your theories my loves. ;D
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Friendly Faces Everywhere
Codename Dovahkiin Part 2
Now that the Stick of Truth RPG is over it's time for N.K. to face the normal everyday life of South Park.
She should have known nothing in South Park is ever normal!
Day to day the craziness of this supposed quiet little mountain town she has to combat now.
Thank god, she has Tammy, Wendy, her boys, and her Social Media/Magical Girl Powers on her side.
This gonna be a wild ride!
Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski
Chapter 7:This is not you!
The Christmas break is over soon.
Too soon for my taste.
I enjoyed it greatly.
Having dates with Heidi, doing something with my female friends, and spend time with Leo.
I totally and completely ignore the fever dreams I had on Christmas.
Just ignore it and be a good girlfriend, friend, and sister.
Nothing to see here officer.
Only a normal pre-teen living her normal life in a…really fucked up city.
But we will ignore this.
Ignoring is good.
Anyway, the first school day after the break starts with a school assembly where also our parents participate.
I’m sitting between my parents, wondering what will happen next.
Mr. Mackey explains to us that Principal Victoria got fired since she didn’t react right to a student calling rape "hot Cosby" and that we will get a new principal.
The men that walks in…I get shivers all over my body.
Not because he is creepy or anything.
I know his type.
That’s a dudebro who is full-on political correctness.
My gut is right as he tells us clearly: “I don't know about you, but frankly I'm sick and tired of how minority groups are marginalized in today's society. I'm here because this place is lost in a time warp! Students who still use the word "retarded"! A teacher who said women without wombs should get an AIDS test! A chef "person of color" who the children had sing soul songs and who the children drove to kill himself!”
“No, he got brainwashed by a cult.”, corrects him Leo.
This earns my little brother two days' detention.
P.C. Principal is not joking around. Alone his name says it all.
Hey, I’m the first one who is against injustice and all that, but these dudebro’s are too extreme.
Even Mr. Mackey gets detention because he answered P.C. Principals question where the minoritys are correct.
I mean, we do have only Token.
Yet the dudebro doesn’t care.
We will need all to watch our tongue around him.
After the little assembly our parents go home or to work and we start our school day.
When it’s break time I call all my friends and my girlfriend over to my locker.
“Okay, my amazons, listen up.”, I begin in a hushed tone. “I hate to say it but we have to be careful now what we say, because we can’t even make jokes anymore. P.C. Principal is out for blood and he will pick up any political incorrectness, even if it’s sarcasm or the likes.”
“You are white as a sheet.”, points Heidi out and rubs my cheek in comfort. “Are you alright N.K.?”
“Yeah, I never saw you this scarred. I thought you would find P.C. Principal awesome!”, wonders Bebe.
All our friends make agreeing sounds.
I take Heidi’s hand and shake my head with wide eyes.
“I know his P.C. from when I lived in Miami. All and nothing is an offense to this guys. And the worst is you can’t argue with them because they will throw at you the racist, bigoted, or queerphobic card. They even don’t care if you are part of a minority. So from now on we have to watch our mouth.”
Wendy frowns at me.
“This sounds like a personal experience.”
“It is. When I lived in Miami I was dating an Hispanic girl. It wasn’t anything serious, but we had a good time with each other. Well till the day we were at this Starbucks.”, I recount my first time facing this kind of P.C. I still shiver thinking about it. “I told her she looked tired. That’s when a dudebro literally jumped up from his chair and called me out because I stereotyped her as a sleepy person. Even her telling him she really was tired, didn’t help. That guy was not stopping. I’m not ashamed to say I cried like a river. Never has someone completely destroyed me like this dude.”
All their chins meet the floor and Heidi hugs me to console me.
“Oh damn, this doesn’t sound good!”, say’s Red.
“If some of them made N.K. cry it’s serious.”, adds Nichole.
“All right, we need to watch what we are saying around P.C. Principal.”, reminds them Wendy. “Anyone who gets our pretty much real Amazon crying and being ashamed of herself is not someone you wanna mess with.”
The school bell sounds, meaning we all have to go back to our classrooms, which we do.
Only one day has to pass before the boys come to me.
And with boys I mean I saw how they send Leo over to talk to me, while Stan’s Gang minus Cartman and Craig’s gang look from save distance on.
I’m standing with Heidi at my locker, putting my books away, so we can go to the cafeteria to have lunch with our girl group.
“Hey big sis, hey Heidi.”, greets us Leo nervous. He so doesn’t want to do it. “The guys…I mean I was wondering if you N.K. will do something against P.C. Principal.”
I just look around him to fix the little cowards with a glare.
“Really brave of you all. Send my own brother in hopes I agree more. If you have to say something say it.”, I make clear.
At least the fourth-grade boys do look a bit embarrassed.
“Please N.K. you are the strongest person we know.”, Stan begins. “If you can’t get rid of P.C. Principal no one can.”
“Also since you and Heidi are the only same-sex couple, maybe you can go together to him. He will surely listen to your more since you are a minority.”, adds Craig monotone like always.
I can’t believe what I heard.
“We will certainly not get on P.C. Principals’ bad grades.”, I tell them, taking my girlfriend’s hand. “People like P.C. Principal don’t see reason, they see only their way. You can’t win against him in normal ways.”
“So we should just give up? That dude will ruin anything, what is with free speech and all.”, ask me, Kyle.
It’s weird talking to him after…well all that happened.
“No, that’s not what N.K. means.”, answers Heidi for me. I’m so thankful for her. “If you wanna get rid of P.C. Principal you have to play dirty.”
“Go to Cartman, he is the evil psychopath you need.”, I point out.
With that, we make our way to the cafeteria.
When school ends we all heard the news.
Apparently P.C. Principal kicked Cartman’s ass so hard that the fatass is now at the hospital.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m happy about that. Cartman deserves all the beatings in the world.
Yet, I’m disappointed that our local psycho couldn’t win against P.C. Principal.
I have a feeling the dudebro will stay for a long time.
The P.C. party the next day in school and hearing there Kyle stopped saying Caitlyn Jenner isn’t a hero is proof enough.
Still, I can’t help but wonder…I have my Social Media Power and my Magical Girl Form…maybe I could have WON against them.
Why did I not fight?
I’m asking this myself later at night laying in my bed.
Did I lose my will to fight?
Yes, I had a bad experience with a dudebro before, but I never backed down.
Not if I have all this power on my side.
Or…I’m just a little girl with powers who thinks she can change the world but when she should do it she shows her true colors.
The colors of a coward.
I’m so confused.
That’s when I hear how someone is knocking on my window.
…What the fuck I’m on the second floor who is crazy enough to climb up my window?
I get my answers as it opens dramatically and I see a masked boy with a dark cape and a green M on his chest and a little question mark on his hood.
“Novella-Karin Campo.”, says the mysterious boy my name in such a deep voice that sends shivers down my back. Not out of fear…I have a voice kink. So you can imagine what I’m feeling. “We need to talk. Transform and meet me at your front yard.”
“Wait a second who are you, you mysterious caped dude with the sexy voice?! How do you know me and my powers?”
“Mysterion. All will be clear to you soon.”
Dramatically he jumps down and my chin meets the floor.
I don’t know what is going on, but this Mysterion is the hottest guy I ever met.
I have a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend I like a lot! Don’t be a thot, N.K.!
Still, I transform and float down to the ground.
Mysterion just looks stoic at me, a dark intimidating silhouette in the moonlight. I swerve dark shadow tendrils dance around him.
I feel a power coming from him…so dark…so old…so not understandable.
This turns me even more on.
I may be bisexual but I admit I always dreamed of meeting a dashing mysterious superhero and being whisked away at night in his strong arms.
But I’m no damsel…I kind of a hero too…okay more a Magical Girl but whatever, you get my point.
Once again remember I have I girlfriend and don’t be a thot!
“So Mysterion.”, I begin curious. “Will you now tell me who you are and what you want from me?”
Something similar like a smile is on his lips.
“You can’t guess?”
“I would remember someone with a voice like that.”
“You only need to know that I’m your friend.”, he tells me. “And as your friend, I have to ask you…what the fuck is wrong with you?”
Hey!
I cross my arms and send him an angry look.
“So not only do you not want to tell me who you are, but you also insult me. Doesn’t makes you look good Mysterion.”
“Some needs to be straight with you-“
“-I’m allergic to straight, ew!-“
“-I’m not even commenting on that. When you first came to this town you were this unstoppable force of nature but since you are together with your girlfriend you became tame. The N.K. I meet would have done something against P.C. Prinicipal, yet you told us to go to Cartman. So I’m asking you, what is fucking wrong with you?”
Speechless I stare at him.
…I hate to admit it, but he is right. The same thoughts tormented me.
“Look dude, you are one of my friends, as it seems. Also, I will be frank with you…Heidi is important to me. I messed up with Kyle and Kenny and made Heidi unsure about our relationship. I will not destroy it only to help the boys.”
Mysterion has only one thing to say to me: “Coward.”
I wince, but I don’t disagree.
“So you put your relationship before anything? You have a gift, it’s your damn duty to use it for the good of the people.”
I’m remembering my fever dream where I was divorced from Heidi because I put my powers in the first place.
“What do you know about gifts? I NEVER ASKED TO BE MADE THIS WAY!”, I shout the last part into his face, pointing an accusing finger at him.
The masked boy… just looks so tired and defeated now.
“I understand you better than you think.”, he starts to tell me. “I have also a gift…a curse I didn’t ask for.”
This…didn’t expect that. I feel the sincerity of Mysterion. He looks like he lived a thousand lifetimes and only saw the worst of humanity.
“What is your curse?”, I ask quietly.
“I can’t die.”
What?!
“I've experienced death, countless times. Sometimes I see a bright light. Sometimes I see heaven. Or hell. But eventually, no matter what, I wake up in my bed, wearing the same old clothes.”
Shocked I put my hand on my mouth. His desperation is clear as water. Something like this you can’t fake.
“And the worst part? Nobody even remembers me dying. I go to school the next day, and everyone is just like, "Oh hey Kenny." Even if they had seen me get decapitated with their own eyes.”
…Kenny?
Tears trail down my eyes as I cry for him.
For my princess.
I should have known it was him.
He wants to say more, but I just hug him to me.
I hug him with all the love I have in my heart for him.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”, I wail. “You must think I’m the biggest egoist in the world. I never wanted to hurt you guys, no one, but it seems I can only do that. You are right I should have helped you guys…but I don’t wanna lose Heidi.”
He hugs me back, petting my head.
“There is more, isn’t there N.K.?”
“I had a dream on Christmas Eve. I saw a future where I abandon you guys for Heidi and then I abandon her for my powers. I don’t want this future to happen!”
It feels good to finally speak about it.
Mysterion…Kenny hugs me tighter, rubbing my back in comfort.
“N.K. it was only a dream.”
“It felt so real!”
“Maybe that was just your fears getting the best out of you.”, he hypnotizes. “I can promise you that I will never abandon you…I like you to much for it, even if you don’t like me anymore this way.”
A wet laugh escapes my lips.
“Silly Kenny, it’s a mess of emotions, because I STILL like you and Kyle. I’m sure Heidi knows this too and yet she told me I should stay friends with you guys. I don’t deserve her.”
Careful Kenny wipes away my tears, tutting at me.
“Now N.K. that’s too melodramatic, even for me. Why don’t you just talk with us and make a mess like this? If you don’t talk your dream will come true.”
I sniffle and Kenny hands me a tissue. I blow my nose loudly. Something like a tiny smile is on his lips.
“I love you, Kenny, I really do.”, I confess finally. “Now knowing you are just like me…it makes me love you more. You understand me. You did from the moment we meet each other as princess and mage.”
“I love you too N.K., I never felt this way for a girl. You are so important to me, please don’t push me away again.”
“Heidi…I love her too…I just…I can’t break up with her…I love her…”
The hooded boy signs, stroking my cheek.
“Babe…you know… I don’t have anything against it if you want to date Heidi still…she is a cute and nice girl…I could learn to love her too.”
…I blink rapidly at him.
Did I hear him right?
“Kenny…what do you mean?”
“I read this up on the internet. Polyamory-relationships? I would be okay with this. Don’t know how Kyle thinks about it, but if you want to date other people while we also are together I would accept it. I just…want you so much…in any way you can give me.”
My chin meets the floor.
I can’t believe what I’m hearing!
Mamma was right, I should have fucking talked with the boys before and not assumed things!
“Kenny so that you know, I would literally jump you now and make you cum with my mouth till you are dry because this makes me so happy! But we need to talk to Heidi first. She has to be okay with this too.”
I hear how he has to bit down a moan and gives me a hot look.
“You are a tease, but you are also right. Let’s talk with Heidi first thing in the morning.”
We both smile brightly at each other.
Maybe…it really can work.
“One last thing, why did you dress up in your superhero persona to talk to me?”
“I had a feeling you would have ignored Kenny because you are also stubborn.”
“…You got me there.”
We say goodbye to each other with a hug. Back in my room, I send Heidi a text that we need to talk before school about something.
I hope she will agree to this too.
But if I have to choose between Heidi and Kenny…god this will be difficult.
God, if you love me make it go a way we all can be happy.
Me, the author, points at you, the readers: Will you hear N.K. prayer and make N.K., Heidi, and Kenny canon? Review!
Next time on Pokemon, I mean, Chinpokemon, no wait, on Friendly Faces Everywhere the thrilling conclusion.
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The Magician's Quest
SoT AU: Her homeland invaded, her parents died, and all Magic was outlawed. Dark Magician N.K. is on the run from the Inquisition, who wants nothing more than to burn her at a stake. She finds herself in Zaron, the Human Kingdom, not knowing that she stepped into a war for the most powerful relict of them all. A legend, which is reality. The Stick of Truth.
Chapter One
It was three days since Marianne, for all others Butters, appeared in the castle with a fainted magician from Winning Sun in her arms.
The whole court had lost its marble.
A survivor of practically a genocide?
Unbelievable!
Only the Wizard King seemed like Winterfest had come earlier for him this year.
The fairest in the land of Zaron, her Royal Highness, Princess Kenny McCormick hadn’t liked Cartman’s look one bit.
It was an open secret how the fatass greedily collected all Magical Wisdom he could get in his fat grabby hands.
All for a way to completely destroy the Elven Kingdom and mostly their King in one devastating hit.
One of the famed female magicians from Winning Sun was what missing from his "collection".
It sicked Princess Kenny.
The poor girl surely searched for shelter from the Purist of the True Light and ended up here, where Cartman would squeeze her like a lemon for her magical wisdom, till he got tired and practically threw her out of the kingdom.
She couldn’t let this happen.
One because it was terrible and second…she needed the magician for her own plans.
She didn’t claim to be better than Cartman, but her reasons are better!
Kupa Keep belongs truly to her and her sister Karen.
The princess would be damned if she didn’t get the throne back from the fatass.
Her heeled boots made a clink and clank sound as made her way to the castle infirmary.
Her sister, Princess Karen, was gifted with Healing Powers, the infirmary her realm. She took care of their magician guest.
Kenny visit any day in the hope that she could talk first with the stranger. She needed to have her on her side and not on Cartman’s.
Good thing that the fatass was so lazy to check up on the magician himself. He was so sure that the magician would work for him, share her wisdom in exchange for a safe place, that he didn’t see the danger coming from Kenny herself.
He was always understatement her.
This would be his downfall.
Princess Kenny open the door to the infirmary and stepped quietly in. Karen demanded absolute silence in her infirmary. Loud noises were not good for her healing patients.
“Here for you.”, she heard her sister talk. “I hope you like apples.”
“Can I not have some boar stew? I’m dying over her!”, answered an unknown female voice.
Ah, so their guest finally woke up. Good, this was good.
Karen laughed, while Kenny made her way over to them.
“You are out of danger. Also, boar stew is too much for your stomach right now. You need to eat light things.”
From the magician came grumbling, but Kenny heard how she bit into the crunchy apple.
Finally, she reached the bed where the magician lay. Well, the curtains before it.
“Karen.”, she called sweetly. “I’m hearing right and our guest woke up?”
Three days.
She was three days out of it.
Even when she had learned the higher magic to become the future court magician N.K. never had lost concession for so long.
It really had been a hard trip for her.
When she finally woke up, sweet Princess Karen was there, to help her sit up and gave her a glass of water.
The young Princess was nice and welcoming to her.
As if she was doing this job for years she had checked on N.K. and used her own Healing Magic to help her recover faster.
It was a nice feeling meeting such a pure and good soul after all that had happened.
Also, it was a good sign that the Grand Wizard had taken her in, letting her get healed by Princess Karen.
Maybe she really had a chance to begin her anew.
Currently, she and the princess were discussing what she should eat, Karen won with her apples, as she heard this beautiful voice.
It was hard to tell if it was male or female. Only the silhouette showed a feminine form.
“That’s my sibling Princess Kenny.”, whisper Karen to her before she turned to the one before the curtain. “Kenny, always nice to see you. Did you want to check on N.K.?”
“N.K.? That’s our noble magician’s name?”
The talked-to magician sat upright as Karen open the curtain to let her sister in.
“Novella-Karin.”, she gave her full name. “N.K. was my nickname since I can remember.”
Princess Kenny was a vision! Golden hair in two braids, the most beautiful blue eyes in a pretty face with soft-looking lips. She wore a pretty dress that hugged her in all the right places. But N.K. noted the lack of breasts.
Genderfluid?
Most likely.
Karen had even called her, her sibling not her sister.
“A pretty name for a pretty woman.”, complimented Princess Kenny and N.K. felt a bit shy.
Normal she would have flirted back…but after all that happened in her homeland…N.K. was so unsure about a lot of things now.
Seemed like both the Princesses noted how she clambered up, since they gave her soft smiles.
“It’s all right N.K.”, told Karen, putting a hand on her shoulder. “You are here under friends. Kupa Keep welcomed you with open arms.”
Oh…this was good to hear.
Princess Kenny nodded in agreement.
“We want you to feel safe with us. You can rest and heal in peace here.”
N.K. had to fight her tears. She didn’t deserve such kindness. She was nothing but a coward.
However, she nodded and snuggled back up in her bed.
“Come, Kenny, let’s leave N.K. alone. She still has to require a lot of energy.”
The siblings stepped away from her bed to talk in hushed tones with each other at Karen’s desk.
Maybe she should have listened in, but N.K. was already tired again.
So she fell asleep.
“Kenny what are you planning!”, hissed Karen at her sibling. She loved Kenny, yet she also know that they had their own agenda going on. “N.K. is still too fragile to be part of your plans!”
“I noted that. I will let her be for the moment. But Karen you know as well as I that fatass can not get his hands on her!”
“She is my patient, who survive a genocide and made her way all alone to Zaron. I don’t want her to be part of your plans!”
“Our plans!”
“I’m happy Kenny, when will you understand.”
Her sibling huffed and put their hands on their hips.
“Kupa Keep is ours, Karen. It’s our right to rule. And not Cartman, who only became king, because our parents were so high and stupid to trust the Wicked Witch Liane!”
“Keep it down!”, Karen whisper-shouted and looked worried around. “You know how these walls have ears.”
Kenny signed and nodded.
“Even more reason to end this.”
“You sound like Kevin and you know what happened to him! I can’t lose you too.”
“I promise you, it won’t happen to me.”, promised Kenny taking her hands and squeezing them. “Our brother was as courageous as he was dumb. I will not fight Cartman openly.”
Now it was Karen who signed, taking her hands away from her sibling and sat down on her desk.
“I know, I can’t stop you. But please be careful, for our all sakes.”
Again Kenny promised and made her way out of the infirmary. When Karen sat down at her desk it meant it was time to leave.
On the floor outside the infirmary, she meets Marianne.
“Butters.”, how Kenny hated to call their friend her deadname, but you couldn’t be careful enough in Kupa Keep. “How it’s going?”
“Oh I’m good, your highness. The Wizard King wants to talk to you.”
Shit, what did the fatass want from her?
Marianne stands on the door before the throne room, guarding it alongside Knight Tolkien.
It was unlike someone would manage to bypass the wall, then all the Royal Guards, till finally reaching the throne room, but better be safe than sorry.
The paladin let her eyes wander and remembered again how she missed the old Kupa Keep.
Before Eric became king, the walls were decorated with beautiful portraits of the past rulers, now everyone showed him and only him.
It showed how narcissistic their king was.
Of course she never would it say out loud, but thinking it was safe.
Her thoughts lead her to her beloved Stan.
She wonder what he was doing now.
Stan had talked freely about his duties in the court of Larnion, so Marianne could image that he was currently with his king, maybe helping him decide in how to better the living of the elven kind.
Sometimes she wonder if she really should do it.
Leave all this behind and live with Stan in the Elven Kingdom.
Her love always assured her, that they would take her in with open arms and since he was best friends with the High Elf King no one would give her trouble.
But her parents needed her.
They weren’t the best. She often had cried because of them, yet they were still her parents.
Then Kenny and Karen needed her.
She know about Kenny secret plans to dethrone Eric. Marianne had sworve to help her friend achive this.
Kupa Keep was once the kingdom of Kenny’s and Karen’s family, but the late king and queen had a bad addiction for drugs.
It was so bad that they couldn’t even rule anymore.
Then one day the witch Liane with her young son Eric appaered and promised to help the couple.
Liane told that she was specialty in healing addictions of anykind and for a while all somehad to be gettig bettter.
Till the royal couple died and had appionted Liane as regent, till Kevin, Kenny’s and Karen’s older brother, was of age.
Sadly nothing had gone as it should have gone.
Marianne signs and then lets out a shriek as the door to the throne room opens. Princess Kenny is storming out of it.
Oh hamburgers.
Eric made her angry.
What did he told her?
Not far away from Zaron in the kingdom of Larnion Stan Marshwalker can only look at his king and super best friend Kyle in disbelief.
“You didn’t agree.”, the ranger hoped. “Tell me you didn’t agree!”
The High Elf King just made a face.
So Stan had his answer.
“You are stupid, I hope you realiz that!”
“Hey, I’m doing this for the kingdom! For our people, Stan.”
“Our people will think you lost your marbles.”
Kyle waved this away, sitting down on his throne.
“They will understand.”
“Yeah, that you are been played. Fatass invatation is a trap. Don’t tell me you don’t see it.”
For that Kyle sends him an angry look.
“I know them well that Wizard Fatass will probably try to attack Larnion while we are in Zaron. But Stan if the tiny chance exists we can end this war between our two realms, then I must take it.”
“By going to their Midsummer Festival and being all buddy-buddy with Cartman? Kyle are you out of your mind?!”
“I will not go alone. Don’t worry.”, reassured his king. “I haven’t completely lost it, as you said. I will be taking you and Tammy with me.”
Stan could only deadpan at him.
“Us three, all around us enemy. Yeah, that’s for sure not a trap.”
“Queen Bebe of the Amazons and her second in command Wendy will be there too.”, told Kyle. “Also Queen Henrietta of the Dark Clearing and her three advisories. We will have friends there.”
Okay, this was surprising.
“What is fatass planning to invite all his enemies to his Midsummer Festival?”
“I don’t know, but see how we can’t back down.”
The ranger let out only a sign.
Well, at least he would be seeing his bunny sooner than normal.
N.K. had woken up from her nap and Princess Karen had been so nice to give her a book to read to battle her boredom.
The princess still didn’t see her fit enough to walk around, so she had to stay in bed.
The book she read was interesting.
It talked about a legend as old as all the realms and kingdoms together.
The Stick of Truth.
The most powerful wand ever created.
As a magician, she had studied the mythos of the Stick of Truth, but that the first who wield it had been on Orc was new information to her.
That’s when the door to the infirmary swung open loudly, making her nearly jump out of her bed and Princess Karen sat upright on her desk.
“Excuse me?!”, the young Princess yelled. “This is an absolute silence zone. My patients don’t need to be disturbed by loud rumors.”
“This is how you talk to your king?”, answered her the male who stepped in.
He was a wizard and…well really fat. You couldn’t even call him chubby.
A shiver run down N.K.’s back as the wizard fixed her with his cold dead eyes.
The magic aura around him… was full of malice. This was someone who probably used forbidden magic.
That was not a good sign.
Princess Karen stepped away from her desk and curtsy before the wizard.
“My king I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was you.”, she nearly whimpered.
All right, N.K. already didn’t like this fatass. Anyone who made shake sweet Princess Karen like this was an asshole in her eyes.
“Whatever, bitch.”
Yep, he was on her shit list now.
“I’m here for the other bitch.”
Where was her wand?!
“I’m the Grand Wizard Eric Cartman. I assume right you want to live here?”
He didn’t even let her answer.
“Well, bitch, if that is so, you better start getting well soon and put your magic to good use for the kingdom. Understand? Or I will kick you out. I’m sure the Inquisition is just waiting to get you in their hands.”
The brunette girl had a really strong feeling that it was probably the most stupid idea to come to Zaron!
God fucking dammit!
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03.07.2023: I should stop making deadlines for my FFs because it really stops my creative flow.
I’m sorry to say it but I won’t be updating this FF once per week and only write for it when I feel like it.
Kinda how I do with my other FFs.
I’m sorry guys, but now I learned that deadline and I really don’t work.
Have a nice day/night!
Friendly Faces Everywhere
Codename Dovahkiin Part 2
Now that the Stick of Truth RPG is over it's time for N.K. to face the normal everyday life of South Park.
She should have known nothing in South Park is ever normal!
Day to day the craziness of this supposed quiet little mountain town she has to combat now.
Thank god, she has Tammy, Wendy, her boys, and her Social Media/Magical Girl Powers on her side.
This gonna be a wild ride!
Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski
Chapter 8: Why is it all so complicated?
Kenny and I are waiting before school for Heidi to talk about being a polycule.
I will be truthful to you guys.
I’m nearly pissing my pants.
This could end badly in so many ways, that I’m really thinking about just to call all off.
I’m happy with Heidi, I can change this future I saw or hallucinated.
Why should I have more?
Because sometimes you fall in love and can’t stop it.
I love Heidi.
I love Kenny.
I also love Kyle, but he is right now not here or wants to be part of it as it seems.
What I try to say is, my feelings won’t go away.
I can’t let go, because they are true and pure and intense.
Never in my eleven years on Earth, I would have thought I would have such drama in my love life so young.
I thought in High School this shit was about to happen.
Shows again how unnormal I am.
At least I’m not alone…Kenny is unnormal too.
I wonder if I have seen him die and don’t remember it. He didn’t tell me this.
I really hope I don’t have to choose between Kenny and Heidi.
I…I just can’t.
Finally, we see Heidi arriving. She looks curious, yet worried.
I wonder what she is thinking.
I hope that she doesn’t think I want to break up with her to be with Kenny because that’s totally not it!
“Hey Heidi.”, I greet. “Thanks for coming this early here to talk.”
My girlfriend nods.
“Of course. You sounded like you were dying. Also…what do you and Kenny want to talk about?”
Kenny and I look at each other. He gives me an encouraging nod.
Right, it’s the best I talk.
So slowly and carefully I explain to Heidi what is going on.
That I love her, but I still love Kenny and Kyle.
That Kenny loves me back and would be even okay with it if I date her and him at the same time or also that we all date each other.
When I finish talking I feel like throwing up.
It doesn’t get better seeing Heidi’s tears in her eyes.
“You know…I had a feeling…I felt that you never stopped to love Kenny and Kyle.”, she sniffles and I just want to hug her and never let her go. Hurting Heidi was never an option for me, yet here we are. “I’m not enough?”
“You are enough!”, I yelled desperately.
“Yet you still want the boys too. N.K., I don’t know if I can do this. Polyamory is not for everyone.”
“Heidi, love, look-“
“No.”, she interrupts me. “Don’t choose me because you don’t want to hurt me. Even if we stay together…you would still love Kenny and Kyle…right?”
What else can I do than nod?
My girlfriend signs heavily, wiping away her tears.
“I…need some time to think about it…Can we have a break, N.K.?”
Saying I’m not hurt by it is an understatement, but I will give Heidi as much time as she wants.
Why do I have a feeling my whole life will change when Heidi makes her decision?
A whole week passes by.
I stay mostly with Tammy away from our fourth-grade friends, since Heidi is with them. I told Kenny that till Heidi tells us her decisions, it would be better if we stayed just friends too.
No one shall make a move on the other.
Kyle gets invited to the White House and gets a medal for his speech about Caitlyn Jenner being a hero.
Also, we have suddenly a lot of Canadien students in our school.
Today at lunch I and Tammy watch fascinating how our new classmate and friend Emma puts so much maple syrup on her pancakes, that you can’t even recognize them anymore.
“You wanna have a taste, buddy?”, the red-haired girl ask us with a light French accent.
She comes from Quebec, yes the Quebec like in the caverns Kenny, Kyle, and I enter to free the Minister of Montreal, and there they speak French apparently.
Canada is so weird, guys.
“No thanks, Emma.”, answers Tammy for us. “Enjoy your pancakes.”
Which she did with gusto.
Well, no judgment from me. I could eat my Mamma Lasagne any day.
Anyway, it’s nice to have a new friend and learn more about Canada.
The next day, P.C. Principal with some of our Canadien students what us to show a play about Canadian history, only for Mr. Garrison to come in and be a grand dick.
I want to point out that all Americans, besides the Native Americans, came from immigrants, who took this country away from the people who truly were born here.
Garrison and all his possy who are against immigrants are so two-faced.
But okay telling P.C. Principal he has a pizza face and sucks his mom's dick was funny.
Not so funny was saying to the Canadien that they should be all fucked to death.
No wonder, that even Emma didn’t want to talk to me and Tammy.
She stormed out of school with her Canadian friends.
I’m thinking if I somehow can fix this mess with a good hashtag on social media when I hear my fourth-grade male friends talking.
“Are you serious!”, I walk over to them, Tammy right behind me. “You want that Leo puts an Romeo and Juilette’s a Canadian girl, how is this going to work?”
“Didn’t they die at the end?”
“Yes, Tammy, they died at the end because both were stupid teenagers who couldn’t like wait a few seconds and check the pulse of their supposed death love.”
“I don’t wanna die!”, whines Leo.
“You aren’t going to die, Butters!”, tells him Cartman. “You just have to date a Canadien girl nothing more.”
“Guys, we aren’t playing Stick of Truth. You can’t unite two countries with two fourth graders.”
“Do you have a better plan, Douchebag?!”
I take out my phone and start tipping.
“Watch and learn my young Padawans.”
I admit, I greatly understatement the stupidity of my fellow Americans. Garrison has already a lot of support, that my Hashtags CanadaIsOurFriend and CanadaAmericaUnity aren’t trending as much as they should.
Or my powers are broken.
So poor Leo was forced to ask out a Canadien girl named Charlotte.
From what I have seen of her she is cute.
Still, it pisses me off that Leo has to do this and my Social Media Powers are fucking with me.
“Have you tried to turn yourself off and on again?”, asks me Tammy, the smartass.
We are in my room, she is laying on my bed reading Naruto, while I stare in anger at all my social media on my computer.
I can’t figure out what is wrong!
“Haha, so funny.”, I fake-laugh and click like possed on the reblog and retweet buttons to get my Hashtags rolling. “My powers are fucking with me when I need them.”
“Last week you seemed to have lost your fighting spirit and now it’s back. You didn’t tell me what happened exactly.”
So I do.
Besides Kenny’s curse, I tell Tammy anything.
After I’m done Tammy suddenly sits up and stares with wide eyes at me.
“N.K., what if your powers are influenced by your emotions? How you tried to transform?”
“I haven’t…”
“Then do it now!”
I try to find the energy in myself to transform, but…there is nothing.
“Tammy, you might be on something!”, I tell her.
“Transforming also doesn’t work. N.K. currently you are under a lot of emotional stress maybe it blocks all your powers and that’s why your Social Media Powers and your Magical Girl Form don’t work.”
Desperate I let myself fall into her arms.
“This is such bullshit, Tammy! I barely know anything about my powers and they seem to always fuck me over.”
“Have you tried talking with your parents about it?”, softly she strokes my hair.
“Whenever I try, they block or change the subject.”
“I wish we could go…I don’t know in some secret lab and try to find something about your powers!”
…Wait…
I stand up and lead her out of my room.
When she asks me what I’m doing, I tell her that maybe we can find some clues in my parent’s stuff. For that we need to go into the basement and then the cellar.
The next day’s Tammy and I fight our way through lots and lots of documents.
So much I didn’t know…so much I’m learning.
But all is pointing in one direction.
Washington D.C.
Where I was born.
How the fuck should we get there?
While we were occupied with that, Mr. Garrison apparently raped the Canadien President to death and all our Canadien friends return home.
Mr. Garrison is in so high spirits that he actually tries to run for president.
Hah, if he wins I will call fatass a whole day only Eric!
So there is only one thing left after this days.
I get a message from Heidi, asking me to meet her at the playground.
As I see her sitting on the swing, slowly, swinging back and forth, I have my answers.
“You…break up with me?”, nonetheless I ask, trying to not cry like a baby.
Heidi stops swinging and stands up.
Tears are in her eyes too.
“I love you N.K. and being with you were the best weeks of my life.”, she whispers like she is scared she will disturb the silence of the night.
Only the stars are witnesses of our heartbreaks.
“But you…you still will break up with me.”
“I…I want someone that treats me and only me as his or hers anything.”, she admits, looking down at the ground.
Both our tears are making it wet.
“I don’t think I can be part of a polycule, I don’t want to share. I know you would stay only with me, but you will never stop loving Kenny and Kyle. I can’t force you to love only me. Like you can’t force me to try to love someone beside you or share you.”
I bit my lips and nodded.
“So…this is it?”
“This is it…”
A river of tears falls down my cheeks. My heart feels destroyed, yet also freed.
Heidi was sincere with me.
And I have to accept that I can’t have my perfect ending.
Because perfect doesn’t exist.
“We can still be friends…”, Heidi trails off.
I let out a little huff and smile bittersweet at her.
“I love you Heidi, I can’t jump back to being a friend. Maybe in the future but for the next weeks…”
“No, I get it.”
With this, she turns around to walk home.
“Goodbye N.K., thank you for the love you gave me. You will be forever my first love. I will never forget our time together. I…I wish you and Kenny the best…and I hope Kyle will love you both.”
“I wish you find someone who will give you the happiness you deserve Heidi. I’m devasted that I couldn’t be it.”
Heidi gives me one last smile and then she walks away.
Like I’m a statue I stay in place at the playground, watching her go, crying for us.
Slowly it starts to rain.
I’m cold and wet, but I just can’t seem to move.
I close my eyes and face the sky.
The raindrops are like the caress of a lover.
The perfect end doesn’t exist, I remind myself.
This night I dream again.
I dream about a beautiful older Heidi, holding a pretty red-haired boy in her arms.
He isn’t Alexander or the child I was pregnant with from my other dream. I just know it.
Kenny joins her side with Layla and Naomi, as Kyle and Alexander take my hands to go to join our family.
This…this is my perfect happy ending.
Impossible and beautiful.
I wake up, staring at my ceiling.
New tears roll down my cheeks.
It’s like he knew that something was wrong as my window opens slowly and Mysterion pokes his head in.
He doesn’t say anything.
His look is enough.
I reach out with one hand to him.
Not a second later he is beside me in bed, hugging me to his chest, humming a small melody to calm me down.
We stay like this, till the first rays of the sun.
We fall asleep, embraced, and together.
I lost Heidi…but Kenny won’t leave me.
Maybe I don’t need perfect.
Maybe I just need someone who can love like me and love me.
I’m not crying you are. *blows in my tissues*
I’m sorry that N.K. and Heidi broke up, but Heidi seems to me like someone who can’t love more than one person.
Well at least not right now.
She may have dated N.K. and learned a lot about herself, but she still is only 10 and wishes for a monogamous relationship.
Polyamory is a lot of work and for someone so young it’s too difficult to maintain.
N.K. and Kenny are already more mature than most of their age mates, thanks to both of their powers/curses and family situations. N.K. with the moving and leaving behind all, Kenny with his deadbeat parents and practically raising Karen on his own.
They have the mental capacity to make this work.
Okay, the only one right now that could join the polycule would be Kyle, but right now it would mean only that N.K. dates the two guys and they stay friends.
But this is also a K2 fanfiction, we also have to go on the journey of Kenny and Kyle falling in love with each other. :3
Which I can’t wait to write for since K2 is my freacking OTP in South Park. :D
For now, we will have N.K. and Kenny be a pair.
A boy, can you imagine what field day Cartman will have with this? I sure can. XD
Until next time!
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Friendly Faces Everywhere
Codename Dovahkiin Part 2
Now that the Stick of Truth RPG is over it's time for N.K. to face the normal everyday life of South Park.
She should have known nothing in South Park is ever normal!
Day to day the craziness of this supposed quiet little mountain town she has to combat now.
Thank god, she has Tammy, Wendy, her boys, and her Social Media/Magical Girl Powers on her side.
This gonna be a wild ride!
Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski
Chapter 9: Changes
The whole atmosphere in school sucks ass.
You wanna know why?
Jimmy Fallon ripped South Park as a whole a new imaginary asshole.
I know this from my parents who told me this at breakfast. Don’t get me wrong South Park is my home and I love a lot of these crazy ass citizens here, but I didn’t think that would hit all so much.
Even Tammy is just leaning with her head at her locker looking embarrassed down.
I purse my lips, fixing my backbag.
“You aren’t doing so hot, huh, Tam?”
“Hello N.K.”, she responds robotically. “How did it go with Heidi?”
“She broke up with me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m now together with Kenny.”
“That’s nice.”
“Someone put gum in your hair, Tammy.”
“How lovely.”
Annoyed I roll my eyes and give her a good shake.
“Earth to Tammy, join us back here. Don’t give a fuck what some dude on the television said.”
She looks at me with crazed eyes. Okay, I’m worried.
“You don’t understand, N.K., you aren’t full South Park.”
Dramatically she drapes herself over me, I hold and pet her head.
“All of America thinks now we are some stupid bigoted rednecks. All thanks to Mr. Garrison. It’s not fair! Not all are like him.”
“I know Tam, I know. Come let us go to our classroom. Don’t think so hard about it. It will stop as fast as it started.”
She mumbles something like she wants to have my confidence, while I drag her by her hand to our classroom.
On our way, I see Leo and Stan’s Gang standing in a circle looking depressed too.
My boys, besides Cartman, too?
“Well do you think it's true?”, asked Leo the other boys. “Do you think we're really bigoted country bumpkins?”
“No.”, disagress Fatass. “Hey, we are not bumpkins! Okay?! Kenny's a bumpkin!”
WHAT?!
“Well fuck you, dude!”, curse Kenny, at the same time I call: “Don’t talk to my boyfriend like that fatso! Like you are so well off!”
Surprised the boys turn to me and Tammy.
I probably look ready to swing, while Tammy just hangs on my arm.
“Boyfriend? Aren’t you with Heidi Turner, douchebag?”, wonders Cartman.
Tammy answer faster than me in an airy tone: “Heidi broke up with her, Kenny is now her beau. Why do we care about that when the whole world will think we are bumpkins!”
After this declaration from her, we all blink at Tammy.
“Tammy, are you okay?”, wants Leo to know, worried for her.
“I don’t know, are you guys?!”
“Can we please go back to how you and Heidi broke up and you are apparently dating Kenny now? How fast did this happen?”
“Oh is our little Kyle jealous? Sad that the thirsty hoe doesn’t want to suck your dick anymore?”
“GO AND DIE CARTMAN!”
“DON’T CALL MY GIRLFRIEND THIRSTY HOE FATASS OR I WILL BREAK YOUR BALLS!”
“I WILL MAKE OUT OF YOU SHISH KEBAB AND FEED IT TO THE WOLVES IN THE WOOD.”
“Lame. I made a dude eat his parents as chili.”
“WHAT?!”
“WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP!”, shouts Stan so loud at we all really stop.
Now we stare at him.
He is facepalming hard.
“So N.K. and Kenny are together, big deal. Not that we didn’t see this from a mile happening and Kyle don’t look at me like that! We should all hope together that someone can fix this mess of us been know as America’s biggest bumpkins.”
Well, I couldn’t care less, I don’t give a fuck what others thinks, but all my friends, my boyfriend, and Cartman nod.
The school bell sounds signaling it’s time to go to our classrooms.
Later, after a gruesome math class I get a message on my smartphone from Kyle.
It reads that he wants to talk to me and I should meet him at the Janitor’s closet where we had our…erm romantic moment.
I text Kenny this and tell Tammy she should grab us a table in the cafeteria before I make my way to the Janitor’s closet.
Kyle is already there waiting for me with crossed arms.
“So you choose Kenny?”, he doesn’t have time for pleasantries it seems.
I close the door behind me and sign.
“I wanted to be with Heidi and Kenny.”, I explain. “But Heidi didn’t want a polyamorous relationship so she broke up with me. So me and Kenny are dating but we are in an open relationship. Kyle if you want me as much as I want you, we can date.”
He purses his lips.
“But you would also date Kenny right?”
“Yes.”
“N.K. I know you are bi, but also polyamorous…are you sure you are this or only confused?”
“I take offense in this!”, I huff and put my hands on my hips. “I’m starting to accept this part of my sexuality too I don’t need your smartass! Do you think it’s easy to admit that?”
At least he has the gall to look ashamed and says sorry, he didn’t mean it like that.
I wave it away.
Kyle is also only ten. He may be much more mature than most of his classmates, but he isn’t like Kenny and me.
“N.K., I will be truthful to you, I like you a lot, but I don’t think I can handle you dating Kenny also.”
Yeah, I kinda had this feeling.
I try to keep my tears at bay as I tell him: “I love you, Kyle.”
The red-haired boy gasp surprised and turned adorable red.
“I love you so much, I really do. I want to be with you, but I understand you. I love Kenny also and I can’t break up with him for you. I will love you probaly for a long time and hope that one day you will maybe be part of our polycule. But I won’t force you. I will be happy as your friend also.”
With nothing more to say from me I leave the Janitor closet, leaving a pensive Kyle behind.
I meet Kenny halfway to the cafeteria.
He doesn’t need a word of me to give me a hug.
I may be taller than him, yet I feel so protected in his arms. It may sound weird but I feel like shadow tendrils also wrap around me to console me.
We stay like this for a few seconds, till I take his hand and lead him into the cafeteria.
You can’t have anything.
I learned that with Heidi.
The next days are wild.
Somehow the adults got the brilliant idea to turn Kenny’s house into the new artistic hotspot of South Park called SodoSoPa with lots of shops and restaurants.
I heard it from Kenny and saw it with my own eyes.
Currently, my boyfriend and his adorable sister are at my house.
Kenny take her to me because their father yelled at Karen for wanting ice cream and then about getting jobs and all that.
We three are sitting in my room having a Tea Party.
Kenny and I put even our Stick of Truth customs on and I gave Karen my old Cinderella costume when I was her age.
She is holding Ursa in her arms and gasps like a lady at my invented story/rumor.
“And my dears I’m not kidding you, I saw then the dashing lieutenant enter the home of the Lady Threebell!”
“Oh dear!”, gasped Karen, hugging Ursa.
Princess Kenny slaps a hand on her mouth and plays along: “Lady Threebell! Isn’t she seeing Mister James from the Newspaper?!”
“I know, it scandalous, absolute scandalous!”
We all sip our "tea" as if we have to calm down.
Suddenly we hear a knock on my door and Mamma peaks her head in.
“I’m sorry to interrupt my young ladies.”, she begins. “But dinner is ready would you like to eat with us, Kenny and Karen, dear?”
Karen looks with big eyes at her brother.
“Can we Kenny?”
I feel how Kenny wants to say no, for him it’s probaly charity, but I discreetly kick him lightly in the chin. As he looks at me offended I mouth do it for Karen she deserves a good meal, he knows he lost.
So we all follow my Mamma to the dinning table.
Papà is already there and helps each of us little ladies and Mamma to our sit.
We enjoy a nice dinner, Mamma bring even out ice cream and while my parents sit down on the couch to watch TV, we go back up my room.
Karen yawns cutely.
“Tired, Karen? Should we go home?”, ask Kenny her.
The little girl shakes her head and lay down on my bed.
“Can we stay for a while more, N.K.”, she begs me, yawing again. “Your house is so warm and smells nice and your mommy and daddy are nice.”
I totally ignore Kenny look, walking over my future sister-in-law, stroking her hair and cooing at her: “You can stay here as long as you want, Kare-Bear.”
I kiss her forehead, which makes her giggle, and hand her Ursa.
“Ursa tells me she so much wants to cuddle with you.”
She shouts happily kissing my Teddybear.
I turn to Kenny who frowns.
“Princess Kenny, a word.”
I wave him over out of my room.
Before he opens his mouth I stop him.
“Kenneth, I don’t want to hear anything about that you guys don’t need my hospitality. You are family and I will take care of you, basta!”
My boyfriend blinks and then signs.
“You would just drag my ass back here.”
“Yup.”
“Well, okay, we can’t stay for a while.”
“Good, I tell my parents you guys will be sleeping over!”
“WHAT? I didn’t-“
Too late, I’m faster and run down to tell my parents this. After they give me their okay, Kenny waits for me with crossed arms.
“You sneaky little brat.”
“Yeah, what you gonna do about that?”, I challenge him.
I get grabbed by my waist and a cheeky tongue wrestling with mine.
Kenny is such a damn good kisser. I will never get enough of it.
A while later, I can even manage to let them both take a bath in my house.
Karen was excited from alone, Kenny needed a bit of convincing.
So while Karen enjoyed her bath time, I put my mouth to good use and promised Kenny that we could bath together.
And with that ladies and gentlemen, I had him.
He never had seen me completely naked.
He very much wanted this, after I rilled him up.
So we put Karen, freshly washed and wearing one of my old P.J. in my bed and enjoyed our bath together.
Really, really enjoyed it.
It was difficult to keep quiet, not only because of Karen but also because of my parents.
They don’t know and will never know that I’m already…erm…well known in the physical aspects of a romantic relationship.
Mamma and Papà, mostly Papà, would probably faint knowing what I already did and do.
Anyways, Kenny and I look like raisins after our bath. We stayed longer in the water than planned.
I blame totally Kenny and his finger for it.
He isn’t only a good kisser, ladies and gentlemen.
Giggling like school girls we get dressed in P.J. and I compliment Kenny. He totally rocks my Hello Kitty P.J.
We step back into my room, where Karen is already asleep, and carefully get into the bed to not wake her up. She is between us.
Kenny hugs her to himself and she adorable grasps his clothes.
I wish I could make a photo.
We two whisper a bit with each other.
My boyfriend tells me that he wants to gif Karen a new doll and will search for a job to do so. I tell him what a good older brother he is and that he hopefully finds one.
As 10 year old you can’t do much.
Well, legal.
Illegal is something different.
Why I’m saying this?
Because the next day Kenny ends up working at City Wok with another seven children.
This means we can’t see each other a lot after school since he has to work. I’m okay with that, our love will not go away only because we can’t spend much time together. We still see each other at school and I phone him when I know he has a break.
In the end, Kenny manages to buy Karen her new doll and we get a Whole Foods.
The whole town makes even a commercial with it.
Well, all, but us Campo’s.
I never liked Whole Foods. I’m actually scared of this place.
Yes, I know it sounds strange, but I always freak out when we enter it in the past, so we started to avoid the Whole Foods.
My parents can be really awesome.
Anyway I watch how all enjoy the Whole Foods and I get this shiver, only this time I voice in my tells me to get ready.
But to get ready for what is the question?
I take my parent’s hands and we go home.
No, I better just stay away.
I don’t wanna be known as the girl who has a strange phobia of a supermarket.
Yeah, I know I sound a bit hypocritical since I always say I don’t care what people think, yet anyone has their exceptions.
Mine is to hide the fact I’m scared of a supermarket.
Even though it sounds so…stupid.
When we reach home there is surprisingly a letter for me.
Huh, I wonder who would write me?
With all my friends I have here and there in America, we mostly message each other by phone.
Meh, maybe someone wants to make me a surprise.
And it was really a surprise as I read the simple letter.
Be aware of the advertising my dear Dovahkiin…we will meet again soon.
Signed it was with a simple I.
Alarmed I look around.
It can only be Inquisitor!
But what the fuck does he mean by "advertising"?
Next
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The Stick of Truth Index
Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!
N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?
Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Epilogue
Friendly Faces Everywhere Index
Codename Dovahkiin Part 2
Now that the Stick of Truth RPG is over it's time for N.K. to face the normal everyday life of South Park.
She should have known nothing in South Park is ever normal!
Day to day the craziness of this supposed quiet little mountain town she has to combat now.
Thank god, she has Tammy, Wendy, her boys, and her Social Media/Magical Girl Powers on her side.
This gonna be a wild ride!
Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
The Magician's Quest Index
SoT AU: Her homeland invaded, her parents died, and all Magic was outlawed. Dark Magician N.K. is on the run from the Inquisition, who wants nothing more than to burn her at a stake. She finds herself in Zaron, the Human Kingdom, not knowing that she stepped into a war for the most powerful relict of them all. A legend, which is reality. The Stick of Truth.
Prologue
Chapter 1