So Fucking Tired - Tumblr Posts

hey pro tip (coming from someone who is NOT a pro) : don't strain your voice when you sing :( it hurts a lot and its not worth it </33 no bc I was just singing living on a prayer (yk bon jovi) and like I strained my voice too much bc I forgot how to properly sing bc I HAVENT IN AGES :((( and now it hurts </333 thats upsetting sigh

Fucking sick of the way that men see me. I’m not a human being to them.

I make friends with a classmate and he’s all eager and excited, talks about how we have the same interests, how he likes my music and my hair and my pin collection. I offhandedly mention I’m a lesbian and he immediately goes cold and never interacts with me again or he insists he can “change” me or he says I was leading him on (by…talking to him like a person). I leave class and three separate men far older than me who I do not know make comments to me in the street about my legs, my chest, what they’d do to me if there weren’t people around. I can tell other people hear it but no one says anything. I walk into my building and the security guard stares at my chest and then glares at me when I pull my sweater over it. My dad calls me to tell me how I need to “give short guys a chance, women only want men who are over 6 foot”. I don’t know why he would say this to me (I’ve been out as a lesbian for 10 years) or why he would call me at all just to say this and then half heartedly ask me how classes are. He’s obviously just taking out his frustrations with my brother’s inability to date on me.

Either I’m a prize to be won, a reward for a good job, a child to assert dominance over, or a target for men’s frustration. You know what I never am? HUMAN.

Was anybody else betting on the world to end or a war to start or something along those line when they were younger, and now that we're all grown up, we have no idea wtf they're doing, but could probably live off the land with how intensely you worked to get ready for it and now that the only real apocalypse chance is simply nuclear war you just day by day fight the urge to leave society and be happy living in the forests with no traffic, no yelling neighbors, and no taxes just you and possibly your finely gesters found family. Yea, I'm not gonna lie; I think I'm actually gonna go through with it, I'm too tired for all this *gesters at everything*.

I know teachers are having a hard time in this situation but please stop demanding too much shit because students are having a hard time too ffs

i am tired. i am exhausted. from my head to my soul to my bones i am so fucking tired.

If my body could like.. not react like I'm being viciously attacked everytime I start to fall asleep that would be fucking amazing, thank you.

I'm tired

It's been raining for three days straight and I wasn't able to fall asleep until 5 am. Stars are no longer seen in the sky, as the grey clouds cover all of them. My back hurts, my arms, my legs hurt, despite me sleeping fairly well. I wake up late and it's infuriating. My summer break ends soon and I need to fix my sleep schedule, but I can't.

I can't.

Can't do anything, can't pick up a pen and draw something decent, can't listen when somebody is talking, can't get up to do something.

Do what?

The sun is no longer warm, it rains, and after the rain, it's cold. It's unfair. How can it be this cold in the summer? I hate this weather, and I hate this country and the bigotry and I hate how I can't flee because I'm still in the uni and I hate the fact that my diploma probably will not be valid in any other country.

I just hate.

One thought of going to the uni again makes me wanna puke. It's been only a year, and there are three more ahead. I'm sick of learning, sick of people, sick of judgement. Every time I finish the year I think "oh goodness gracious, it's the final frontier" and then it's not. When I finished the school, I thought it would be better. I thought I would feel better. It wasn't like that. But still, it was better in uni. Easier, both mentally and physically. And though it's easier, I'm worse. Every time something improves in my life, I feel better for a second and then ten times worse. When I moved and, therefore, changed schools, it was better but I felt worse. When I went to school 5 days a week instead of 6, it was better, but again, I felt worse. When I finally ended the school, it was fantastic, but somehow

I still

Felt

Worse

It's like I'm allergic to happiness. Every time, every fucking time it feels good to feel good and the moment later im spiraling down. I do one step forward and a hundred steps back.

I feel like an unsteady tower, ready to crumble at the little breeze of wind. And somehow I'm still there, standing. Observing. Despite the fact that this tower cracks and small pieces fall out, it stands. I stand. I'm alive.

And it hurts to be alive.

hoh god im so fjukign tired i eepy im gonna passd out i

I want to take my pills and I want to get better but why is it always the first step so hard when I’ve taken it so many times before. I’m at the bottom of the stairs again and the steps are cutting into my back in a way that’s close enough to a hug to provide comfort. This isn’t rock bottom this is a unique low I’ve frequented before and I’m so tired.

I am NOT your manic pixie dream girl.

I am SO fucking tired of people seeing me as their very own quirky, cute, manic pixie dream girl. Guess what--I'm a flawed human being with good days and bad days like everyone else.

At least the immature people weed themselves out by running away as soon as their fantasy version of me is shattered when they, inevitably, realize that I don't fit the unrealistic and overromanticized image of me they've created in their heads.

Good riddance. Why would I want to be with someone who can only love a fantasy?