Richtopoor - Tumblr Posts
Grindr Swap #1
I was scrolling through Grindr when a guy caught my eye. He was what most people would call a chav: tracksuit, trainers, tattoos, cigarette in hand. The total opposite to me, but that just made him all the more attractive. I read Jay’s profile “lookin 4 hot successful guys with $$$”. Hmmmm, he seems like a bit of a gold digger, but I would fit the bill he’s looking for - he might find me a bit boring, since I mostly just working at my corporate job, but saying ‘hey’ can’t hurt.
We start exchanging messages, he asks about my life, my work, my salary, and I ask about his. Seems he lives on a nearby housing estate, works a manual job and is looking to better himself. Well you have to admire his ambition. After chatting for a few hours, I invite him over to my place for a drink.
He arrives to the door of my apartment and I let him in “You’re looking really hot!” I tell him. “Thanks, lookin good yourself Paul mate” he replies. We continue talking before the conversation turns to our differences. He tells me “You’re so lucky mate, you’ve got your life sorted. Wish I had all this.” I consider his comment and reply “Why thank you, it took a lot of hard work and my life can be stressful. I wish I could take a break from it all sometimes, if I’m honest…” Apparently that’s exactly what he wanted me to say. A sly grin appears on his face. “Well, looks like both our wishes might get granted tonight!” He takes a coin out of his pocket and puts his hand on my chest. A current of electricity pulses through our bodies and our bodies become malleable. I look down and see my body moving like jelly, before it begins to reform into a solid state, only this time, it doesn’t look like me. I look back up and see my own face “What the…” I say before covering my mouth. That’s not my voice!
“Don’t worry, I have just swapped our bodies. I get to enjoy your life and your money, and you can take a well earned break” His reply sounds just like me, the voice and the words. He must have been studying me this whole time. “Now, let’s swap clothes and no one will be able to tell the difference. You thought I was hot? Well now you are!” I strip off my Tommy Hilfiger shirt, the tailored trousers and the Hugo Boss underwear and replace them with non-descript underwear, Nike trainers and a black tracksuit. To anyone else, I was Jay and he was Paul.
In the pocket of my former trousers, the new Paul finds my wallet. He opens it and sees a good amount of cash “Fuck yeah” he exclaims “Let’s go grab a drink, I’m buying, Jay. Where is my favourite bar?” “Okay, sure we can go to Gerard’s”. I lead him out of my apartment, he makes sure to take the keys and lock the door, as I lead him to my favourite bar. As we go to enter, the doorman stops me Sorry sir, can’t come in dressed like that.” I look down and realise he doesn’t recognise me and thinks I am a full blown chav. His comment makes me feel angry, which is weird, because I never get angry. I clench my fists. Wow, this body doesn’t seem to be very good at handling its emotions. My former self steps in, smooth talks the doorman, and leads me away calmly to find somewhere else.
We decide on a restaurant nearby. It must look so weird for everyone else in the restaurant. And we must have confused the waiter too, as I order a glass of Pinot Noir and my former sophisticated self orders “the cheapest beer you have”. I order the lamb rump and my companion a burger with fries and ketchup. The drinks arrive and I take a sip of the wine. “Eurgh, that tastes revolting!” I exclaim “Rank!” Paul says as he sips the tall glass of lager. “Let’s swap” I suggest, and I take the glass of cold lager and take a gulp. “Ahhhh, much better!” I respond. “Tastes must be linked with the body and not the mind.”
“Sounds about right” my body replies, savouring the wine. “But if you are going to be me, you need to start thinking less and start calling everyone ‘mate’” “Oh, yeah, you’re right. Sorry mate” I reply to him. Saying those words in this voice with this body made me hard.
The food arrives and Paul decides to take the lamb, leaving me with the burger. It tasted fucking amazing. And I just wanted to put ketchup on everything, I felt like a kid but it tasted so good. “Mmmm, mate, this tastes awesome” Paul chuckled. As the meal ends, I feel myself getting agitated. Paul noticed. “Looks like you need to go for a smoke…” He hints at me. I feel inside the pockets of my tracksuit. In one I find my phone and in the other, a box of cigarettes. Having never smoked in my life, I realise it must just be what this body needs. I head outside, nervous that I will cough like a teenager trying for the first time, but I light up and take a drag and a wave of pleasure flows over me. Mmmmmm, that feels great, I say to myself. I was really getting into this body. I feel like I can do whatever I like. The smoking causes a build up of phlegm in my mouth, which I decide to spit out onto the floor. A couple leaving the restaurant look at me with disgust. Ha, I look like a proper chav now, and it feels so liberating. I walk back into the restaurant and sit back down. “Woah, you stink of smoke!” Paul tells me. “I didn’t realise I stank like that.” his face shows a faint look of disgust, which only makes me feel prouder. Fuck, I didn’t realise how stuck up I was. “Just what this body needed tho mate.” I say, settling into the life of Jay.
