Regulus Angst - Tumblr Posts

Forever and always

{Regulus wakes up from a nightmare and you’re there to comfort him}

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Regulus doesn’t exactly have the best relationship with sleep, it was fifty-fifty whether or not he would get any, and the times he did often came plagued with nightmares of his past, and horrible ideas of what the future might have in store for him, so more often than not he would avoid it altogether, apart from when he’s with you.

You always brought a sense of contentment, to him you’re what home should feel like, a loving and gentle feeling that wraps around him like a handmade blanket, woven by your hands.

It’s a feeling he loses himself in, and he’s no longer Regulus Arcturus Black, he no longer feels the need to uphold a family name or to keep a certain appearance, he’s simply just a boy who’s allowed to feel in the safety of your arms.

And so sleep comes easier when he’s next to you, his arm slung lazily over your waist as he holds you close, your legs linked with his in a mess of limbs all hidden underneath the warmth of your blanket.

However the mind can be a cruel thing, it can conjure up the worst thoughts that some couldn’t comprehend, or even begin to imagine.

His nightmare drags on slowly and painfully, and he can’t seem to wake up, his body frozen with made-up fear, all he can see and hear is you, his biggest weakness and yet his strength.

He can hear the strangled pain in your voice as your pleas fall on deaf ears, you’re begging them to stop, screaming out in agony. Regulus tries to run to you, he tries so hard to move but he’s frozen in panic, even when you’re calling out his name.

He finally breaks out of the nightmare, sitting up with a broken sob realizing he must have been crying in his sleep, his eyes widen in panic, and his chest heaves as he tries to catch his breath but his attempts are fruitless as he lets out a string of broken gasps his hands erratically searching for yours.

You’re woken by the sudden moment, “Regulus?” You whisper softly, sitting up next to him, and you can see the fear that drowns his eyes and your heart breaks as you watch tears fall from his eyelashes down his cheeks, he lets out a pitiful sob.

His hands shake with worry as he gently cups your face in his hands, his eyes studying your concerned expression as if he doesn’t believe you’re truly here, “I- I’m sorry, I’m sorry” he cries, his nightmare still lingering in the back of his mind convincing him you’re hurt, and you gently take his hands in yours guiding them away from your face to rest on your lap.

“It’s okay, you’re okay my love” you whisper as you take him into your arms, his head resting in the crook of your shoulder and he nuzzles his nose further into your neck, “You’re home, with me. I promise we are safe Regulus,” you say while his arms wrap around your waist, hands grasping at the soft fabric of your shirt as he holds you closer.

Home, he thinks, it's such a foreign thing for him that he’s not even sure what it is exactly, but being here with you felt right, felt good. You’re his home.

“They— I hurt you, I— I tried to move— I couldn’t- I’m sorry” he gasped, losing himself within your warmth as your hands rub against the expanse of his back.

“It was just a nightmare, my love, it wasn’t real, see I’m okay, right here with you” you smile pulling away from him gently as you take his face in your hands, and you watch his eyes scan across your loving expression and something blooms within his heart, “We’re okay” you remind him and he nods gently replying with a small broken, ‘okay’

He calms down, taking deep breaths as you guide him back to reality, like a lighthouse to a boat amidst a brutal storm, and he finds sanctuary within your warmth as you press gentle kisses to his face.

“I’m sorry for waking you up” he whispers, as you shake your head, and a sad smile tugs at your supple lips.

“You know I’d rather you wake me up, I’m here for you Reggie, forever and always,” you say, and he looks at you with such a gentle caring look it melts your heart.

“Forever and always, I like that” he nods with a smile and you let out a breathy giggle, your forehead resting against his, his black curls tickling your cheek.

“As do I my dear” you press a kiss against the corner of his mouth, “Do you want a bath? Or are you okay to go back to sleep?” You ask

There’s a voice that nips at the back of his mind to pick the latter to, not cause any more trouble than he already has, but he doesn’t, perhaps it’s the way you asked with such a tender tone that he just can’t bring himself to listen to that voice.

“A bath would be nice” and that is all it takes as you nod kissing his forehead, you mumble a quiet, ‘of course my love’ and he watches you walk into the bathroom and he can hear the water flowing while you pop your head around the corner.

“Lavender right?” You ask and he smiles to himself as he nods, he hears you repeat the word 'Lavender' to yourself as you walk back into the bathroom, and he quietly chuckles, yes here with you is his home, forever and always.

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☾⋆AN/ My first time writing for Regulus :0 hope you enjoyed my lovelies! <3

you don’t think i’m a bad person ? ༊*·˚

m.list ◦ askbox

synopsis: in which you find out that regulus got the dark mark

You leaned against a pillar, your back feeling the cold transferring from the marble to your exposed back, making shivers run to every part of your body. The music coming out of a pianoforte filled your ears, fading all the other sounds of people surrounding you, dancing, laughing, chatting…

The House Elves did great job with the decorations. The place was filled with white roses, his favorite. Your eyes traveled to the fresco at the ceiling, falling down to the paintings hanging on the walls and moving slowly to the marble ground in front of you.

There was no point of you being there if he wasn't. You had examined every single face in the room and none of them belonged to him. To your one and only. To the light of your eyes, the light of your soul, the light of your everything. To your Regulus Black.

Regulus Black, the person you would kill every star for, burn every tree, drain every ocean. You would trap all the earth's oxygen in a jar and give it to him, you would shrink the moon so he could carry it in his pocket. He was your everything.

And it was killing you like a slow-acting yet painful poison the fact that it's been a while since you exchanged your last words. He had decided to abruptly cut the ropes connecting you without any explanation.

You had written him plenty of times about how much you missed him. How much you missed the days you were lying in bed together wrapped around one another, his hands on your forehead as he was staring at the ceiling calm and serene, and your eyes sinking into his stare. You would give the world to go back to these days, when you were walking around the room feeling his eyes fixed on you, and you pretended that it didn't affect you at all.

You had written to him that your life didn't have meaning without him. You were miserable.

Only then did he send a letter to you with two sentences written in a sloppy handwriting you've never seen from him. It concerned you because even though you could tell that it was his handwriting, his letters, it wasn't his hand that was writing it:

Dear Y/N,

I'd rather see you miserable than dead.

Burn the letter.

R.A.B.

Of course, you didn't burn the letter. If these were his last words to you, you wanted to have them, even if they hurt.

Every time you read those two sentences, you could feel knives piercing your heart, breaking it, and letting it fall in pieces right in front of his feet.

You breathed out heavily, feeling like you were suffocating, like you couldn't breathe. So, you decided to go for a walk around the manor. Besides, there was no point in you staying at the ballroom and watching all the people having fun, when he wasn't there with you.

You made your way deeper into extremely quiet halls, then to another and then another, as if drawn by a supernatural force to a lane that was leading to another world.

Weak square lights were balanced at the pillars, as the gleaming moon was pouring her pale light inside. Everything was dark but you kept walking.

Suddenly, the sound of your shoes started to quieten and got replaced by a painful scream. It turned your blood cold, utterly horrifying. Your body froze for a few moments before you took out your wand.

From the last door to your right, you saw a faint light coming from a half-opened door. You moved slowly deeper in that direction your grip tight around your wand ready to attack or defend yourself from the scream.

Another animalistic scream was heard and you felt paralyzed by fear. You gulped but you kept going until you heard another painful cry followed by sobs. You weren't sure if it was a wild animal or a poor child.

« Fuck! », the voice cried loudly. Your lips separated and your wand fell down. Without much thinking you burst into the room, letting the door hit back at the wall with a thunderous sound.

Regulus was curled on the floor, his back balanced against the cold wall, legs close to his pounding chest. His dark curls were concealing his face that was buried between his legs.

The moonlight slipped through the window swimming inside to give light to his form. His tie relaxed hanging from his neck and the sleeves of his shirt raised as he was holding tightly his left forearm, pressing his fingers on it.

If it wasn't for the damn moon you wouldn't have seen anything, but your eyes fell immediately on the place he was holding.

Your lips quivered and you stood there like a statue looking at him, not being able to move or say a word.

« Y/N, I'm not joking, get the fuck out of here! », he shouted looking at you angrily. You opened your mouth taking a few steps back. Regulus had never raised his voice like that, not to you, not to anyone. You were completely terrified by his tone, his mad expression, and the Dark Mark stained on his arm.

« What the hell Regulus? What is this? », you asked your voice high as you kept shaking your head in disbelief.

« What does it look like to you? », Regulus glared back at you. His face was deformed by pain. Your lips couldn't stop trembling and your eyes brought tears that were streaming like small rivers down to your cheeks. You wished the old Regulus could come to you, hug you tightly, and with his tongue lick the sorrow away.

« Regulus, » you murmured his name sweetly like a prayer. Regulus breathed out and covered his face with his palms. He started to cry as well because he hated being the reason of your tears. If he could cry for both of you and stop those drops from running down your chin, he would.

« Please, get the fuck out of here! », he screamed at you through sobs. Watching him like that made you walk closer. Regulus wouldn't hurt you, not your Reg, not the guy that was putting flowers behind your ear.

You sat right beside him slowly slipping on the floor. Regulus shook his head. He couldn't understand why you weren't leaving.

« Please, leave, » he murmured. Even if you wanted to leave, you couldn't. You were drawn to him like a magnet. You loved him so much, nothing mattered to you. He was in pain, that's all you saw, you wanted to take his hand and kiss it. You wanted to kill anyone who did this to him and caused him that much pain.

« I am not going anywhere, Reg, » you said, voice soft.

« You don't get it, Y/N, » he replied. « I had to do this! » You touched his shoulder and pressed your eyes shut tightly. You were so scared of him, but you loved him too much. If he was going to be your doom, let his shoulder be the last thing you touched. « I had to, » he cried even harder.

« Why? », you asked. You didn't know what else to say. « Because of your parents? » Regulus lightly raised his gaze for you to meet his swollen gloomy eyes. « We made plans, remember? That we were going to get the fuck out of here. »

« And you think he wouldn't find us? », Regulus asked with a bitter smile. You didn't speak back. « Y/N, I didn't do this because of my parents. » He looked away.

« Then? »

« I did this because of you, » he said and bit his lips. « I did this because if I didn't, he said he would hurt you, in ways… you don't even want to imagine. » You gulped and for a moment felt completely vulnerable and exposed.

« Me? Wh-why? »

« Because the only way he could get me, was through you, » his lips quivered for a moment. « Because Y/N, you are the only thing I care about in this life. » More tears ran down your cheeks as you looked at him. You sealed your lips together to get strength. Your arms wrapped around him, holding him tight. For a moment he stayed still, surprised by your reaction, but then he tied his arms around you too, holding you for dear life. « That's why I wrote you this stupid letter, » he said to your ear. « I can't be with you, Y/N, not like that. » His forehead touched yours lightly rubbing his head against yours. You held him on the back of his neck, feeling his curls tangling between your fingers.

« I missed you so much, » you said. He wrinkled his eyebrows pleadingly, the fingers of his left hand wrapping around your wrist to feel your pulse. He was shaking and felt heavy, as if the earth was dragging only him down and no one else. Frozen thumb drew the line of your most prominent vein. He tried to show you how it felt to be with someone like him; someone heavy, and cold, and helpless; someone in pain. But you didn’t care because you were holding his head steady and would never let it fall.

« You're killing me, » Regulus sealed his eyes, shaking his head. He let his fingers slip down. « Please, don't say that. We can't. I can't do this to you. »

« Regulus, listen to me, » you said, lightly lowering your head to look straight into his eyes. His gaze couldn't meet back yours and fell to the floor. « There is nothing that can drive me away from you. » He left a shaky breath slowly raising his stare.

« You don't think I'm a bad person ? »

« All I think is that I love you. »

pygmalion and galatea ༊*·˚

m.list ◦ askbox

synopsis: in which regulus is a painter and you are his muse

*18+, minors DNI, sexual themes & references, romantic dynamic, first time, consent

Your eyes were fixed on him and couldn't look away.

Regulus had the face of Apollo. Sharp yet smooth features with soft curves, plump reddish lips, and a slim straight nose with a little bump on it. His seemingly tired eyes were like the sky on a winter's day, rounder on the outside, corners pointing downwards.

Everything on him was so balanced and symmetric, even the curls that were spread messily around him. Watching the hair fall on top of his forehead, covering his eyes, made you want to extend your hand, to brush it off, and all love pull it behind his ear.

He glanced up at you for a few moments at the feeling of your persistent stare, causing your eyes to move to the window behind him. You gulped ashamed that for a second or two, he caught you looking at him. You heard a smile forming on his face as he turned back to his canvas.

You had been working with Regulus for quite a while. He was laconic, only saying what was necessary to be said, nothing more, nothing less. However, your curiosity had forced you to spend hours and hours just examining him. You had learned every move of his by heart.

When he didn't like something he curled up his nose in discomfort. When he didn't like your pose or wanted you to fix your posture, he was biting his lips while quickly exchanging glances between you and the canvas. When he was running his hands through his hair, you knew you were done for the day. He didn't need to say a word and you understood immediately what he wanted.

His gaze moved back to you and his eyes stayed there for longer than you expected. Without realizing he was still looking at you, you dared to glance at him. He smiled watching you hold your breath and lightly shook his head at the irony of your timidness.

The dark candlelit room was exhaling erotic air. The trembling orange glow was softly hugging the curves of your body. You laid on a couch, a few meters away from him, posing; head balanced on your left hand that was on top of your right one, both placed on the arm of the couch, your body was spread sideways; right thigh on top of your left that was lightly extended to the front, creating shadows that were hiding your secret spots.

You had posed for many artists in the past but Regulus was the only one able to bring you self-consciousness. He made you feel vulnerable in front of him and incredibly nervous. Little did you know, to Regulus you were the most beautiful woman. He was in love with you.

Because of you, he was living in a constant contradiction. He wanted to look at you all day every day, but at the same time, he couldn't wait for you to leave so he could hug the couch that touched your body.

The secret to not revealing his feelings for you was to not speak and not look at you. But that day maybe it was the lust in the atmosphere, maybe it was your pose, maybe it was your siren stare, he felt extremely bold.

You watched his Adam's apple rising and falling as he maneuvered his hips to the seat. Regulus' grip on his pencil got harder, so tight almost able to break it in half. His eyes sealed shut for a moment. As if Regulus heard your prayers, he looked at you, eyes dark by shadows, and let the pencil fall to the ground. You repositioned yourself, as you turned your head to the large windows on the side.

You heard the sound of the chair against the wooden floor and then slow steps towards you. You gulped, as you turned around only to see him standing right in front of you, crouched to meet your height.

Your lips separated releasing breaths you didn’t know you were holding. Heartbeat became unsteady when his dirty palm touched your cheek, leaving red stains of paint behind it. He held you, his thumb trailing all the way up until it reached your ear, as his other fingers hugged the side of your neck.

His head leaned close and eyes moved from your sparkling stare to your soft lips. With forehead almost touching forehead and tasting the other's breath, you tented your neck closing the gap between you. Your hand moved to his wrist, fingers wrapping kindly around his pulse.

Regulus tied both hands on the back of your neck lightly standing up and sitting on the couch beside you, then leaning his body against yours.

His lips were silky and felt like you were touching clouds. You let his hand free run down the line between your chest and find his way to the curve of your waist, coloring you as he swam down your body.

You gasped hard at his arm that traveled back on your breast. Regulus' breath was coming out in flustered pants. His lips moved to your jaw, kissing tenderly your neck and then down your collarbones, ending on your chest. You could feel his sweaty hair caressing your skin. You moaned pulling his curls behind, holding them out of his face, while he was licking, lightly sucking your tender skin.

He smiled as he kissed your belly and you breathed out shakily watching the way his grey eyes were fixed on you. He moved lower and lower until he ran his tongue on your pubic hair, his hands rubbing both sides of your outer thighs and then your buttocks.

You chuckled at him, your little laugh breaking the deadly silence that dominated the room. He couldn't help but smile again, his eyes meeting yours, as his fingers moved into the inside of your thighs and then slowly on your knees.

He moved one of your legs and without much thinking, he dived in between them. He looked up at you as he sucked your folds and buried his tongue inside. Your hands pulled his hair and pressed him down on you, not sparing a moment to waste.

You were already wet, Regulus must have realized himself, that's why he was looking at you. Your head fell back on the arm of the couch as you moaned. Every time he got deeper and deeper, faster and faster, sucking your folds hard as if trying to drain them. He made you completely soaked and you were ready to release with trembling legs that he held both sides steady while his head was deep, finding its way inside you.

Feeling that you were ready, Regulus pulled back and sucked your folds. His head came out of your thighs to take a breath and a muffled cry escaped your lips, holding tightly his wrist to the couch.

He leaned down and with a mischievous smile, his tongue lashed at everything it could get while sucking on you at the same time. He had you in his mouth, dripping from his lips.

Regulus stood up and pecked your lips once. Your eyes followed him, your whole body panting, looking at him carelessly unbuttoning his white shirt and tossing it to the floor next to you. You leaned down on the couch to both your elbows gazing at him, anticipation causing you to grin, as he took down his black pants, followed by his stained trunks.

Your head slightly tilted to the side, in your face marked a dreamy look. His body was lean with taut muscles and an erection.

He carefully fell on top of you, on that old worn-out couch. His chest was pressed on top of yours and you could feel his bulge between your legs. He groaned, locking you between his arms, his cock trying to find its way inside you. Your hands took his wet length squeezing it gently before placing it on your opening.

Only the tip of his cock made your whole body shake. You let your head fall back as Regulus pressed down on you, his lips releasing hot breaths on your ear. He kissed you sweetly.

Regulus hovered over you again your faces only centimeters apart, lips almost touching. Both of your hands cupped his face for just a few seconds so you could see him clearly. He was like a wild animal. That blissed-out expression, that tilt of the head, the movement of the Adam's apple struggling to swallow.

Your skins brushed savagely, yet with a strange tenderness against each other. Every move was so barbaric but kind at the same time. You could breathe the other in, stained moans eliciting from both of you.

The couch rattled beneath you as Regulus' pelvis smushed inside you, animalistic screams of delight leaving both your mouths.

« Oh, fuck! », Regulus gasped. « I feel like fucking Pygmalion. » His words made you smile. « Does that make me Galatea? », you asked cheekily. Regulus grinned while his whole body was panting.

Shadows casted by the flinching light of the candles towered over you at the walls making you look five times bigger than you actually were, imitating your every move like mirrors.

« Regulus! », you breathed out as he jerked against you again causing both of you to release at the same time. Regulus tiredly fell on top of you, hugging you tight. His eyes moved up to you and smiled watching your beautiful almost painful grimace.

Hands cupped your flushed panting face, holding it tightly with his shaky grip, and his thumbs wiped away your tears. He pressed his forehead against yours, your sweat mixing up, as he looked into your eyes and then smashed a kiss on your lips.

The summer breeze flew inside dragging the curtains with it and burning off the candles. You looked at him laying on top of you, the moonglow caressing his pale skin, and you thought feeling his heart pounding against your belly, that this was your person and you wanted to stay there, glued to him forever.

his last letter ༊*·˚

masterlist ◦ askbox

synopsis: regulus writes you a letter before he goes to the cave

My Dear Y/N,

If you are reading this, it’s too late for me.

I am writing you from my room, at 12, Grimmauld Place. My doom is hanging on my neck like a rope. It’s heavy and unbearable. I can already feel it dragging me down.

That night, that I sneaked out just to meet you, I gave you a promise, that I was going to change, that I was going to be good. You said you loved me either way and nothing mattered to you.

It mattered to me though, because I wanted to be good. I wanted to do the right thing. The time has come to keep my promise and be good. And if the right thing is going to cost my life, then so be it.

Y/N, my dear Y/N, I need you to know that I’ve changed. I need you to know that I did the right thing, that in my last moments on this earth, I was good.

I am writing to you determined to do what I have to. Y/N, my heart, please forgive me.

I wish I never had to write this letter to you, but I know that my road has no return. It’s not just me being pessimistic, no. I can feel that this is not going to end well for me, for us. The earth has prepared a deep and narrow place for me and I can do nothing but get in.

Please forgive me for not meeting you tonight. Forgive my sloppy handwriting. Forgive fate. Forgive Kreacher, the bearer of the bad news, and please don't be mad at him. Forgive me.

If I regret one thing in this life Y/N, is not giving you more kisses, not hugging you tighter, not saying « I love you » every minute of every day.

Light of my eyes, a million hearts wouldn’t be able to carry my love for you. I love you unfathomably, no words can describe it. If only you could jump into my body for only a few seconds, you’d see for yourself. But I would never let you. I love you too much for this. You are everything to me.

You were the first person that made me feel truly loved. I know, my brother loves me too, or at least he tries to. I don’t blame him for taking his distance. After all the things I’ve done, I feel disgusted in my own skin. But you… how could you not be disgusted? How could you not leave me? How could you be there for me? How could you love me? People like me don’t deserve to be loved. I wouldn’t love me... I don’t love me; myself, what I am.

The only times I’ve ever loved myself are the ones spent with you.

You made me feel like I wasn’t as bad as I thought. I had a good side, I wasn’t always as menacing and misanthropic as everyone believed me to be. With you I felt like a person, normal, I wasn’t a burden. You truly did love me and your love made me beautiful. Honestly, I’m still not sure why you loved me like that. But I know you did. I could feel it every day, even in our worst moments.

I need you to know, you are the one and only for me, and you will always be. No matter what happens to me tonight, my soul will always be with you. I will always be yours. You will be my last thought, and my last breath will be your name.

I love you.

I’m afraid that you’ll forget me. Me, and everything we did together, everything we were.

Please, think of me sometimes. But not the bad things; the fightings, the tears, the sadness, the fear… think about the good things.

Do you remember the night after that stupid Ravenclaw party? I was pissed. I could barely walk and, oh Merlin, I was so, so dizzy. You couldn’t stop laughing watching my anarchist side come to the surface, as I was going up and down in front of Dumbledore’s office. I thought it’d be hilarious if we managed to get inside and burn the place to the ground. Well, we didn’t do that, obviously. From walking so fast, I ended up sick, vomiting in front of the gargoyle. I could still listen to your voice, as I was holding my knees, letting my guts out, and your laugh — I love it so much when you laugh. You then walked beside me, pulled my hair back, looked me in the eyes, and kissed me. I was staring at you like an idiot because I was too drunk. You smiled and then hugged me with your warm hands, your smell being the only thing I could sense.

That was the moment I first realized you love me. Who else would kiss the lips of a person that was vomiting only seconds ago?

I’ve never told you, but until now I’ve been thinking of that moment. Why would you be so kind to me? To me, of all the people on this Earth. And how can you love me?

Remember this time I was crying so hard without a reason, and I was just so angry that I was kicking the bathroom door and I was completely out of control? That day was terrible. I was hitting the wall so hard that my fist started to bleed. You had never seen me like that and I knew you were scared of me, but you hugged me tightly and didn’t let me go until I calmed down.

I asked you that day, why didn’t you leave me alone? Why did you have to be there? You said that you loved me so much nothing could drive you away. When you left I cried and didn’t go to class.

I was so confused. But I knew one thing, I wasn’t one hundred percent evil like everyone wanted me to believe.

We had so many dreams and plans that will never come true. I should’ve left this whorehouse when I had the chance. I should’ve left with Sirius. If it wasn’t for my ego... And then, when we were done with school, it was foolish of me to stay at my father’s funeral. We could have been in the countryside now, married, away from everyone. I really wanted to marry you, to spend the rest of my life with you.

I’ll stop thinking about that.

You have no idea how much it hurts knowing that you are reading this letter. It feels like a knife twisting deep into my soul.

Please, Y/N, you have to understand why I did this. I had to. I owed it to everyone. I owed it to myself.

I know it’s very selfish. I left you just so I can live up to the expectations I built for myself.

I am never going to see the day that awakens with you ever again, but I hope the light of the world is bright and gentle to you. I hope the people are good. I hope you smile and laugh every day. I hope you think of me sometimes, just once in a while.

My love, my heart, please don’t do anything crazy. Stay alive, do it for me. Live. I need you to keep going. If you love me, keep going. And please, get out of this place. Go to your friends, to my brother and Remus. I don’t want you to be here. And don’t even think about passing by my house.

I don’t know what else to say. I wish I could write you everything but time is running.

Please, know that I am not scared. I am not scared at all. I want to do this. It’s my decision, probably the only one I’ve ever made.

Don’t forget to burn the letter.

It’s so cold here and I can't stop remembering. My heart has no mercy on me.

I love you forever.

R.A.B.

sink ༊*·˚

m.list ◦ askbox

synopsis: regulus is gone forever and you can’t believe it

for a more painful experience read his last letter first

Death is said to be the great equalizer. Laying low the rich, the poor, the chaste, and the glutenous. Yet in the end, it is not the one who dies that feels the most sorrow, but rather those around him. The ones who loved, and were loved, the ones that stayed behind.

It wasn’t a bang, an apocalypse, or some biblical disaster that ended your world, but some sloppily written words on a crumpled paper.

It's so cold here and I can’t stop remembering. My heart has no pity on me.

I love you forever.

R.A.B.

Your lips twitched still looking at the paper, forehead slowly creasing as you brought the paper close to your mouth until it touched your lips. It was his damn scent, his damn handwriting, his damn words.

« Is... », you pressed your eyes shut for a second and then lightly shook your head, glancing at the Elf that was standing right in front of you, frozen like a small statue. « Is this some kind of sick joke? » His eyes fell to the ground at the sound of your voice. What could the poor thing say to console you when he could barely console himself?

Kreacher chose not to reply. Words didn't matter anymore.

The last words that mattered were his, and he had spoken them.

You sealed your mouth, biting hard your upper lip as if trying to rip off your skin.

« Kreacher, » you held your tears inside, "this isn’t funny." Your body felt hot, yet you were shivering. You were paralyzed, yet your jaw was trembling.

You were utterly shocked, unable to understand the words that were written on that paper. The world was crumbling around you and you were the last one standing.

The Elf breathed out and shook his head. You leaned yours trying to catch his stare and forced a small smile that fell immediately.

« This isn’t funny, » your voice cracked pressing your mouth hard.

Kreacher slightly raised his gaze only for your glossy eyes to meet his cold orbs. Your lips separated studying carefully his features. Puffy cheeks stained with droplets, a long hooked nose colored in a red shade all enlarged from crying, pinkish thin lips. You locked eyes, but he couldn’t keep looking at you with that minimal shadow of hope you were still carrying in your heart. The grief was too heavy for him and was pulling his weak body down.

« Please, tell me this is a joke. »

« Master would never joke about something like that, Miss. »

« Then where is he, Kreacher? », your brows knitted together trying to comfort each other. « He was supposed to be here. He promised to be here. »

You wished you could’ve misinterpreted the silence of the creature, but even if you did, nothing was going to change that didn't that slipped from his mouth seconds ago.

Nothing was going to bring him back.

« Why isn’t he here? », your eyes were sparkling from the boiling water beneath them, floods concealing behind the painful expression of loss. Kreacher breathed out heavily looking at your stare.

« Y/N... », he spoke softly.

« Where is Regulus? », you asked tears slowly streaming down your hot cheeks as you squeezed your eyes to stop them.

« Y/N... », Kreacher repeated giving you a pleading look.

« No ! », you cried loudly.

« Master Regulus won’t come, » his stare fell to the ground.

At these words, you gradually took a shaky breath, pulling up your nostrils. Your expression deformed, giving place to anger and the rage of a Maenad. Your eyes turned hard and flinty, glaring tightly at the Elf, which took a step back, his face questioning your look.

« Where is Regulus ? », you asked clenching your jaw to control your voice. Kreacher shook his head.

« I-I can’t say, » he glanced at you horrified. Kreacher swore that he saw flames coming out of your eyes that night. You were terrifying to look at, like something written by Edgar Allan Poe. « He wouldn’t want you to know. »

« Where is Regulus ? » Every word came out with a small pause as you walked forward to approach him. The poor Elf had never seen you like this, no one had. He shook his head.

« I promised- »

« Where the fuck is Regulus ? », you yelled loudly. Without getting a response, your hands fumbled on your clothes bringing forward your wand. « I swear, Kreacher, if you don’t tell me where Regulus is... I will fucking kill you. »

« Y/N, Regulus- Regulus is gone. » Your eyes twitched and your hand trembled uncontrollably, pointing at the Elf.

« Don’t say that ! », you cried. « Tell me where is he or I’ll kill you ! »

« Regulus is dead ! », poor Kreacher cried back. You had to hear it and accept it. Besides, he didn't really care about his life anymore, not without his Master, his friend. You pressed your lips into a hard expression and blinded by pain and sorrow you spoke.

« Avada Kedav- »

You didn’t finish your sentence.

You couldn’t finish your sentence.

You threw your wand away and fell to the ground sent into spasms filled with kneeing grief. Devastated and enraged you burst into tears.

No one could understand the pain you felt. It wasn’t the one with the screams, tears, and sobs. It was the other one; the one with the welled eyes and sobs that were coming up to your throat, and you would rather bite your lips and let the painful tears choke you, break your heart in pieces, than allow them to get out for the world to see.

And as you stayed there, curled to the ground, away from the world and everything that was alive, with Kreacher’s shaky hand on your shoulder and his last letter pressed against your chest, murmuring over and over those same words, he promised to be here, like a prayer coming out of your lips, his scent traveling from the paper to the world, you felt the memories that once warmed you, tearing your bones apart.

And as your hand slipped to the dewy grass, you wondered how could the Earth allow this to happen. Of all the times, the Earth decided to take him at that specific moment, when the branches were blooming and the spring was painting the ground.

Oh, Regulus, you thought, can you listen to me from up there ?

Without knowing it, you were with him, always on his mind. You were the only reason he had doubts about what he was going to do. He thought about returning so many times he had lost count along the way. But that was him keeping his promise. Being good and doing the right thing.

Regulus was sitting on the ground. It was so cold, colder than his house, colder than any place he had ever been to. So cold, that was spreading shivers to every part of his body. His breath was coming out along with salty tears traveling all the way down to his neck.

It was cold, dark and there was water.

He stood up. It was time.

Tears were still stained in his eyes, but he didn’t plan to wipe them because they were for you and he wanted something of you to be with him in his last moments, to somehow have you by his side and feel less lonely in that pitch black abyss of a cave.

He tried to smile thinking that you might be watching him from a corner and laughing at his expression. He didn’t want to look like a coward in your eyes.

Regulus took a deep breath.

The only thing that was comforting him was that in the distant future, you would meet again one day, and then all the nights, all the stars, all the songs, would be yours.

Without much thinking, he walked into the cave.

It was even colder, ever darker and water was everywhere.

And just so you know, his last thought was you. And his last breath was your name.

loving someone doesn’t save them ༊*·˚

m.list ◦ askbox

synopsis: in which harry appears on your doorstep & asks questions about R.A.B.

It was a tragedy for everyone else, for everyone who only knew him by his last name; but for you, it was like ripping out a part of your heart and then leaving back shattered pieces collided with the weakest glue. No one prepared you for this - he didn’t prepare you. Even the night you last saw him; he gave you a kiss on the lips, a smile, and said: « Goodnight. »

If that sick feeling was a bottle you would've broken it, if it was a wall you would've torn it down, if it was a piece of paper you would've cast it into the fire. But no, your heart was sobbing for days, months, years, and you were doomed to spend the rest of your life with a hole inside your chest that couldn't be filled.

You hated him, mostly because he said he loved you and because you had plans and he gave you his ring as a promise with a kiss and a « don’t worry everything’s going to be fine. » How could you love someone that didn’t prepare you for this? That didn’t tell you to hug him tighter that night or to say that you loved him one last time before he left once and for all. Maybe you didn’t know him as much as you thought and for the rest of your life, you would always have an unanswered question; why didn’t he give you a sign.

After eighteen years you were able to forgive him. But you never forgot about him.

You started a family away from London in the countryside, away from everything and everyone. Your husband - a muggle - didn’t know about your past and you had never opened the door of that haunted house filled with screaming voices of friends and family. Your kids were your priority, two happy little girls that wanted to play in the garden all day under the sun.

However, the sun had abandoned you the last few months and the sky was always veiled, misty with storms and rains. No matter the attempts of the Daily Prophet to reassure you and quieten your concerns, you knew something terrible was about to happen. You had seen it happening before, spreading and destroying everything in its passage. Everyone you loved was dead because of this.

And all of your suspicions came true when on a rainy afternoon thunderous poundings were heard on your door.

Your husband was in town and you were working in your office as your girls were playing in front of the fireplace. It was only natural for you to feel a knot in your stomach and your body instantly freezing.

« Mom, someone’s on the door! »

You left your typewriter aside and got out of your office. The shape of a person was printed on the glass, a man. You weren’t expecting any guests and your husband had car and keys with him.

« Girls, why don’t you go upstairs? », you smiled at them. They both looked at you unsurely with that childish expression of concern and the need to protect their mother.

« Is something wrong, mommy? »

« No, no, love, » your voice came out gently as you held their soft cheeks. « Just go upstairs. » They obeyed your words hesitantly, giving you second glances over the pile of toys gathered on their hugs, and turned to the upper floor.

Once they were out of sight, you ran to your office to get your wand and then back to the entrance. With a quick move, you raised your wand and the door opened wide, letting you point to the person that was standing there.

« Hi, » he said not really paying attention to your wand. It was a young man, a boy not even eighteen years old. « I’m looking for Y/N L/N. » For a moment you stayed there, your blood running cold in your veins, frozen, with your heart skipping beats. It couldn’t be, it was some kind of sick joke.

Your lips separated studying each and every one of his features. Rain was pressing down short black curls, droplets dripping down his half-closed eyes, and trailing lines across his dark skin. He had glasses on, foggy and stained; the same kind of glasses your best friend wore years before he was lost - murdered. But it couldn’t be him. He took them off and wiped the water with his fingers before your gaze met a deep brown, honey set of eyes - Lily Evans’ eyes.

« Harry? », you let your wand drop. He stared at you.

« You know me? »

« Don’t just sit there, come in, » you opened the door wider for him to pass inside, letting the sound of it echo behind you. Your eyes examined him. You hadn't seen him since he was only a baby.

His stare roomed the house as he gave you his jacket, seeing pictures of your children, you, your husband.

« I’m Harry, Harry Potter, » he turned back tenting his arm forward.

« I know, » you smiled at him and shook his hand. You kissed both of his cheeks and gestured to the living room. « I’m Y/N. » Your eyes kept staring at him until you caught the uneasiness in the air, so you took a seat on the armchair. « Can I bring you anything, Harry? »

« No, no, thank you, » he shook his arms sitting on the couch across from you.

« I suppose everyone tells you, you are just like your dad. Except for the eyes, of course. Those are Lily’s. »

« You knew my parents? » You smiled.

« Oh, I didn’t just know them, we were friends - best friends. I have so many stories to tell you. »

« I’d love to hear them all, » Harry said.

« And I also have a photo album. » You haven’t seen that grin and that spark in a pair of eyes for years, and the truth was, you had missed them more than words could possibly describe. « But first, you have to tell me the reason of your visit, Harry Potter. »

His cheerful expression slowly faded, clouds passing by his features. Fingers fumbled in the pocket of his jeans and without losing any time he brought out a necklace, a locket - the locket.

Your eyes exchanged a look between the locket and Harry, fear marked on your face as he offered it to you and you just shook your head pulling back.

« Where did you get this? », you asked not being able to change your gaze away from that devilry.

« Do you recognize this? », Harry questioned. You raised your eyes slowly shaking your head.

« Harry, I don’t know where you found this or what you intend to do, but please stay away from it. »

« What do you mean? »

« Where did you even find it? Did you go to the cave? » Harry furrowed his brows. You realized at that moment, he probably didn’t expect you to know and maybe it was for the best to stop yourself. But you had questions and you were sure the same applied to him. « Is this the one? »

« No, this is the fake one, » Harry said opening it and bringing forward a small piece of parchment. He offered it to you which you took hesitantly. You read it. A slight smile twitched on your lips. The handwriting, the damn handwriting, and that R.A.B. that had always been his way of signing notes or letters. « R.A.B. », Harry spoke. « Regulus Ar- »

« Arcturus Black, » you interrupted him. His eyes looked up at yours that rested on that old parchment. Your fingers traced the surface of the last words he left in this world. You rubbed your sight, a hot sense lurking behind, ready to blur your vision, and pressed your lips together tightly. « Regulus Arcturus Black. » It had been years since the last time you spoke his name out loud. You had forgotten the sound of it. It was nothing more than words in your head, but when said those three words, magically, it took life again.

« The locket belonged to Sirius’ brother, » Harry spoke as you gave him back the note. A mischievous smile slowly appeared on your face that made the boy feel uncomfortable facing someone who knew the person he was trying for months to do an introspection to.

« Is that the reason of your visit? » Harry looked at you with the fullest and deepest stare. He spoke quietly but steadily sure of what he was saying.

« You knew Regulus Black. You knew what he was trying to do. You knew everything. »

« I didn’t know anything, » you replied.

« I don’t believe you, » Harry said. You furrowed your brows and allowed your looks to meet. It was interesting talking to him. He had Lily’s straightforwardness and sharpness, and James’ expressions.

« Why are you here? How did you find me? »

« I found letters of yours in R.A.B.’s room. » With these words the muscle of your jaw clenched. You never imagined that your personal writings would be read by someone other than him. The feeling of anger was boiling under your skin. The only thing that held you back, that didn’t erupt the volcano inside you, was that he was a kid. « Hard to find. They were very well-hidden. »

« And how did you find out my name? », you asked. You always signed with a pseudonym that only a few selected people knew about.

« Professor Lupin helped me with that. » That's when you let a small smile appear on your face again and sat better back on the armchair.

« Professor Lupin? », you chuckled. « The old bastard... »

« I need to know, » Harry said seriously which brought you back to the conversation. « You knew Regulus Black. You knew. »

« I’m afraid you are losing your time here. I knew Regulus, » you told him. « I didn’t know. He didn’t let me know. »

« Why? »

« Because he loved me. » Harry didn’t speak just watched your expression change. He watched the way your jaw muscle broke, that bitter smile on your mouth and your head lightly shaking. You bit your lower lip and shrugged. « Because he knew exactly what he was doing. And because he knew exactly how it was going to end. » None of you spoke after that. « I don’t know anything, Harry, truly. He never prepared me or anyone else for this. »

« I don’t understand why he did that, » his voice cut those few seconds of silence. He shook his head, eyes fixed to the ground, giving to your piercing stare glances every now and then. « I don’t understand him. »

« You know, » you breathed out. « At first I was mad at him - maybe I still am a little - but through the years, I realized that that was his way. Regulus just followed his heart without giving any explanation to anyone. He acted with his senses and his emotions and did the things he considered right. Regulus didn’t care about the price. He could even pay with his life. »

« Sirius told me he was a stupid idiot whose only ambition was to join the Death Eaters. »

« Sirius loved him, Harry. But he didn’t know him at all. Nobody knew him really, I’m afraid. »

« What about you? »

« Barely, » you shrugged sadly. « He didn’t let me know him, he just let me love him. But does it matter now? Loving someone doesn’t save them. »

REGULUS BLACK

requests are open

࿔oneshots˳·˖

you don’t think i’m a bad person ?: in which you find out that regulus got the dark mark

࿔angst˳·˖

his last letter: regulus writes you a letter before he goes to the cave

sink: regulus is gone forever & you can't believe it

loving someone doesn’t save them: in which harry appears on your doorstep & asks questions about R.A.B.

࿔erotica˳·˖

pygmalion & galatea: in which regulus is a painter & you are his muse

masterlist

𓇢𓆸 timothée chalamet ༉˚.

𓇢𓆸 regulus black ༉˚.

𓇢𓆸 lee ༉˚.