No.11 - Tumblr Posts

🎃Whumptober Day 11: Aftermath of Failure(Danganronpa Ultra Despair Girls)🎃

Silence fills the iron air. The tense atmosphere forever lingers. The Monokuma controller lays in front of Komaru’s feet. Then the silence gets replaced with cheers from below. Adults cheer over the headless bodies of children that litter the streets. Blood pours out of the little bodies into big puddles. Clothes being dyed red. But the adults don’t care. They are happy that their enemies are dead. Komaru stares blankly at the broken controller.

Despair truly is thrilling.

"Can you teach me how to feel real?

Can you turn my power on?

Well, let the drum beat drop.

Guess what! I'm not a robot.

Guess what! I'm not a robot."

~

-I Am Not A Robot, Marina and the Diamonds

Whumptober No.11

Oh, silly thing... Robots don't cry. Robots are not human. You. Are. A. Robot.

(Click for better quality)

Whumptober Prompt #11- Stitches

I promised two in one day! I don’t know if anyone saw my first post for day 10- but I’m gonna be pretty unavailable for tomorrow. No ones responded to it yet, so I’m just gonna leave this here and hope. So here’s 11- just so y’all know it picks up where we left Michael and Fayelin after they escaped Caina. @winedark-whump

She thoroughly cleaned Nyx’s wounds with antiseptic, eliciting hisses and groans of pain from the Villain, but he never woke. She was grateful, what she had planned next would be very difficult and she had no anesthetic. After thoroughly cleaning the wounds, she brought out the needle and thread. She started with the nearly seven inch laceration on his right arm as it seemed to be the worst of his injuries that she could see. She hoped it wouldn’t get infected, but she also knew the conditions in Caina. There was a reason that Caina wasn’t on any map, Hero or otherwise, while others like Judecca and Antenora were. She worked methodically, using her gift to perfectly puncture the skin one quarter inch apart, making sure the needle went exactly where it was needed and did no further damage. She knew she risked losing herself to her work and losing sight of her surroundings, her gift did have its drawbacks, but she knew the risk to Nyx’s health outweighed it. An infection out here could be deadly. They had no way to call for extraction until they got out of the Center. The other Heroes would definitely be employing anticommunication devices and gifts alike. But she knew the range would only go so far as the edge of the Center. Otherwise, they would be sensed by military equipment and civilian alike and she knew they’d rather let her and Nyx get away than have their most vicious base discovered. If the public believed the rumors about this place, the entire Hero way of life would be forfeit.

Once she had finished with his arm, she moved to the cuts on his chest. None of them were as deep as the one on his arm so she made much quicker work of those that needed stitches. Thankfully, not all of them did. Once she completed her work to her satisfaction, she allowed herself to regain the ability to perceive her surroundings. Nyx’s lips were chapped, his chest was rising and falling slowly but not enough to make her worry, and he was thinner and paler but he seemed as all right as he could be. He needed water and food at the very least, and maybe a bath. She knew he hated to be gross, “Disgusting, honey, you call me disgusting? Girl, I don’t even know her.” She had rations for a few days, she could easily go without eating, but the water was the hard part. She only had a couple of water bottles left, as she hadn’t meant to spend so long looking for him. She would never have assumed that he would’ve been taken to Caina. She knew that he had been taken to the Center, but never could’ve imagined he’d be taken to Caina. Caina was only for the most vile and irredeemable of criminals. In fact, she was pretty sure Nyx was the first or maybe third person to ever escape Caina, as Heroes always wanted to hold onto those in it. Killian had always told her she was safe in Caina, as no one could escape. Now, Nyx wasn’t a great guy by any standard, but he wasn’t Caina material. Unless something had changed in his classification. She shuddered at that thought. If something had changed, the only reason it could be was her. It would be her fault that he’d been taken to Caina, her fault that he’d been tortured over a stupid jewelry heist that was meant to pay rent on her shitty apartment. She sighed. She hoped Nyx would wake up soon. She could really use his advice.

Day 8, 11, 16, 25, 27- Stricken

In trying to rescue Kaminari from his own dumbassery, Katsuki gets struck by lightning

lightning, burn, pain, guilt, friendship

“Come on, Kachaaan.” Kaminari whined, making this the fiftieth time in ten minutes that he’d gotten complained at. “Please? We won’t bug you about anything ever again.”

“That’s a fucking lie.” Katsuki shouted back, staring up at his idiot that was currently stuck on the roof of the gym. “Bugging me is your favorite thing to do. Wait, no, it’s your second. Getting into dumb shit that can very easily be avoided is your favorite.”

“Heeeyyy!” Kaminari pouted.

“Seriously, Bakugou, can’t you get him down?” Ashido joined in, marking fifty-one. “I promise we’ll make it up to you.”

Katsuki just glared at her. “What am I? A dog for you to play fetch with? It’s not my fault the dumbass flung the damn thing on the roof in the first place, and making the fucking stupid decision to get himself up there without being able to get down.”

“Yeah, but if we get the teachers, then we’re gonna get in trouble.” Ashido said.

“You deserve to get in trouble.” Katsuki snapped.

“Kachaaaaaaan.” Kaminari called again from the roof. Katsuki didn’t even know how he’d gotten himself up there. “Please?”

“Please, bro?” And there was fifty-two from Kirishima, and twin please faces assaulted him. “Since Sero’s still laid up, we can’t ask him. You’re the only one who can blast up there and get him down without issue.”

Katsuki cursed Sero in his head again. Ever since that bastard broke his damn arm, everyone had come whining to him to blast himself up somewhere since he was one of the only ones in their class with that kind of precision in his quirk. Honestly, sometimes it felt like Sero did it on purpose just to get a fucking break from all this bullshit.

Katsuki turned back up to Kaminari, looking down on them from the roof, a third please face staring at him. The dark clouds behind him matched Katsuki’s mood perfectly.

Goddammit, he hated these fucking idiots.

“Give me the rope.”

Three cheers erupted from each of his idiots, and the rope that ponytail had made them was thrust into his hands. “You owe me big time for this. Especially you, dunce face!”

“Okay, Kacchan!” Kaminari chirped, moving into the middle of the roof to give Katsuki space.

Katsuki wrapped the rope around his shoulder, and got into his proper stance. A quick deep breath, and he ignited his quirk, propelling himself into the air. After training so hard to perfect his Howitzer Impact, flying through the air with his quirk was a breeze. He’d only needed one shot to get himself high enough, and his foot went out to step onto the roof.

(ask temi for sound of thunder)

Burnt ozone. Katsuki barely recognized the smell, but it was there. Before Katsuki’s heart could beat once more, fire erupted from his right shoulder, sending an unfathomable agony across each and every one of his nerves, setting them alight with a heat that couldn’t be quenched. Katsuki’s vision whited sharply, unable to hear the scream his body was making, unable to see the horrified looks on his friends’ faces, unable to see the pure light surrounding him like a fallen angel’s hellfire descent. His body went limp and he didn’t even feel it, so consumed with the burning, wretched fury of pain. Freefalling through the air, he felt like he was falling into a black hole. Darkness engulfed him, saving his mind from tumbling into the inferno of pure torment.

White light flashed across his eyelids, and he could feel sparks running up and down his body, causing his muscles to lightly convulse against his will. As he began to wake, his mind sank further and further into static, a white noise like pelting raindrops and indecipherable noises, only cognizant of the blinding pain stemming from his shoulder.

“Wake up, Bakugou, please wake up!”

His throat wasn’t his own, only gasps and groans could pass his lips, so he couldn’t answer his best friend. It took several moments to recognize that it was Kirishima, but he was still talking, still begging him to wake up, and the constantness of Kirishima’s voice allowed him to figure out who was talking. He couldn’t move his arms or legs to move out of the water that was pelting him, with every drop being a sharp knife stabbing into his skin. There was a soft pressure on his cheek, but he couldn’t remember why it was there, the last thing he could remember was Kaminari being stuck on the roof. He suddenly became aware of an intense heat under his skin, starting from his shoulder and going all across his body, burning his body from the inside out. His only thought became the hot, searing pain in his shoulder, and he lost reality once more.

A soothing, icy touch pressed against his shoulder, thin but firm, and with it, the scorching, fiery pain settled into a mere boiling of his blood instead of all-consuming agony. He grasped onto consciousness as best as he could, pulling another low groan from his throat, as if he were trying to scream from the agony but didn’t have enough control over his body to do so. A steady thrum ran through his perception of consciousness, growing stronger with rapid intensity until he felt as if he were a live wire. Crackling energy raced from his shoulder into his limbs, setting his nerves alight with sensation, with an overstimulated feeling to the point where it was as if the very air was tangible, almost crunchy as he moved through it.

Every aspect of him hurt, hurt in a way that he couldn’t describe with mere words. He wanted to ask what happened, what was causing those white sparks to flash across his closed eyelids, but his throat was too busy trying to pull in weak air to his twitching lungs to try and satisfy his boiling blood. He’d been burned before, an explosive quirk meant a lot of burns in training, but this wasn't like anything he’d ever suffered. Sweat poured down his face, and he could feel his muscles still shaking with every second, his heart feeling like it was missing something every three times. He tried to latch onto the voices around him, using them as the only thing keeping him from losing his mind to the violent, blazing torment in his shoulder. The weak, reedy breaths he managed to take did little to ease the pain, to lift the static in his mind to give him control of himself once again.

Several hands came to his body, the soft pressure leaving his cheek, going under his head, his back, his legs. The voices around him were stronger, closer to him, and he felt them lift him into the air. He couldn’t help the exhausted, pained whimper from escaping his traitorous throat as another white flash erupted across his eyelids, each miniscule movement drawing another piece of agony to each individual nerve in the cruciation that had once been his shoulder. Darkness pulled at his closed eyes, as if knowing he was weak, so weak he could barely think coherently, but his will power burned a different kind of fire under his skin to try and stay awake.

Every single second, every movement sent a new agony through him, the electric crackling in his muscles making even breathing hurt. It would be so easy to just stop, to just give up and let darkness take him, but he couldn’t do that. Giving up just wasn’t in his blood, boiling as it was. Water was running down his face, and he wondered if he had the strength to cry, or if it was the water stabbing into him with every droplet. His breath was pulled from his body, leaving him for too long, just making his lungs twitch and convulse even more, each second bringing a new wave of agony to the forefront of his mind.

Katsuki felt himself being placed on something stiff that wasn’t the ground he’d just been on, grass no longer stabbing into his back. But small, wet bullets dug into his skin, and the heat in his blood reached unfathomable levels, and he lost reality again as what he was laying on lurched to life, moving at a speed he couldn’t comprehend. Time slipped through his hands like water from a faucet, but somehow it was as slow as molasses at the same time. Katsuki’s mind couldn’t keep up, and the darkness that had been taunting him since he’d woken up pounced, and he fell sharply into the nothingness that it promised.

“Lightning?!?” Katsuki shouted incredulously. “I was struck by fucking lightning?!?”

Aizawa nodded, and Katsuki reeled from the shock. “From what I can figure out, when you went up in the air to get Kaminari down from the roof, you caught the edge of the thunderstorm that was just starting. Thankfully, you only caught a side flash, a direct one that close to your heart would’ve killed you. You were very, very lucky.”

Katsuki just stared in disbelief at his teacher for a minute, trying to wrap his head around the fact that he’d just been struck by lightning. Unconsciously, his left hand came to his right shoulder, feeling the tender flesh beneath his fingers. When he’d gotten healed by Recovery Girl in the past, he could barely feel any lingering aches in his body once she was done, the only exception being Nabu island and that fight with Nine. He still couldn’t remember what happened and how his arms had gotten so destroyed, but he remembered how it felt after Recovery Girl had healed him. It had felt so odd when the damage was so deep that there was leftover pain, and it felt just as odd now. His hand dropped to his lap, not wanting to prod the still sensitive burn on his shoulder. He’d never been more glad that humans can’t remember pain, he only had flashes of broken memories after the strike and before waking up in the infirmary, and he never wanted to go after those memories. He never thought he’d be happy about forgetting something.

He just nodded at his teacher, understanding what he was saying.

“Recovery Girl has cleared you to head back to the dorms, but you’re still out of classes for a week.” Aizawa said, handing him some folded clothes. He took them, opening his mouth to protest, but Aizawa just held up a hand. “No. Lightning strikes can have several consequences, including paralysis and cardiac arrest. What your body needs now is rest, and you’re going to get it. The only reason that you’re allowed to go back to the dorms is because I know that you wouldn’t get any actual rest staying in here for a week. You need to be careful with yourself. Not many people survive what you just went through. Now get dressed, your classmates are already chomping at the bit to see you again.”

Katsuki frowned at that, he didn’t want to be swarmed with those extras, but he supposed if one of them got struck by lightning and almost died (gods he almost died) he’d want to see that they were okay. Not that he cared, because of course he didn’t, but just because a near death experience meant that he might have to deal with someone new. If one of those extras died, he’d have to deal with a replacement and they might be worse, so best to check to make sure that the extras he was at least used to were still alive.

The skull tee and comfortable leggings that only Kirishima could’ve gotten him, as he was the only one who Katsuki allowed into his always locked room, were a small mercy he appreciated. The hospital clothes he was in now were uncomfortable and ill-fitting, and Katsuki hated being in them. Aizawa patted his leg gently, and then headed out. Katsuki headed to the changing room, ready to be out of these clothes and out of this building. He hated that he was going to be out of class for a week over nothing, but right now, he was looking forward to lying down in his own bed. Katsuki was seriously tired of the beds in the infirmary.

Apparently the lightning strike had also set fire to his clothes, so he’d been given a pathetic hospital tent canvass and gym shorts, and he practically ripped them off. His arm and shoulder were still bandaged even though he’d been healed, but it wasn’t the bandage that caught his eye. It was what was coming out of it. There were a couple new lines of raised pink lines on his skin that hadn’t been there the last time he looked in a mirror. A quick touch had him wincing lightly, as it seemed like the origin of the pain still in his shoulder. Even though he knew he probably shouldn’t take the bandage off, his hands had already started unwinding it, revealing more pink as he went. Several lines of fresh scars decorated his shoulder now, branching out from his shoulder to his collarbone, all leading back to his shoulder. At the joint, there was a mass of them, a small blob of scar where all the branches ran from. This must be where he’d gotten struck, the scars all stemming from here. It was like a tree’s roots spread all over his body.

Katsuki’s breath left him for a moment. Even with the other injuries he’d ever had, including the final exam, there were never any scars left over. Recovery Girl’s quirk didn’t leave scars. This was the first scar he’d ever gotten in his life. His lungs stuttered in his chest, his heart skipped a beat, and then another. Gods… he could’ve died. He almost died. If he had shot himself up in the air just a little bit higher, he would’ve died.

Hastily, he rewrapped the bandages, pushing down the tears building in his eyes. He was fine now, he was fine now. It didn’t matter that he’d almost died, he didn’t. Gods, he almost died. A few tears slipped down his cheeks, and he scrubbed violently at them. Once the bandage was completely rewrapped, looking as if he hadn’t touched it even though his hands had started shaking, he shoved both hands into his eyes. Stop crying, he told himself. He was fine now, that was all that mattered. This pathetic display of emotion was unnecessary, and he didn’t like spending any time on unnecessary emotions. They were useless to him, so he stuffed them down as far as he possibly could, until he couldn’t feel them anymore.

It took another minute for his heaving breaths to steady out again, and he just put his clothes on, as if nothing had happened. He didn’t dare look in the mirror again. He couldn’t risk another bout of those horrible, and completely unnecessary emotions. He didn’t die. That was all that mattered. He just had to keep telling himself that until he believed it.

If his eyes were still red, then Aizawa at least had the good grace not to say anything. Katsuki was thankful for that. They walked in comfortable silence back to the dorms, the route unusually quiet for a Saturday night. Normally, the weekends had lots of people running around.

“Why is it so quiet?” Katsuki asked casually. “Everyone’s always out on the weekends.”

“That’s because it’s monday.” Aizawa sighed, pursing his lips. “You’ve been unconscious for a long time.”

Katsuki’s heart skipped another beat. His throat got a little tight, only able to make a small, affirmative noise, but he just shoved his emotions down again. It was fine. He was more upset about missing the weekend. That was definitely the bigger issue here. He hated missing out on good sparring time, and he liked to get in some good studying before the weekend was out. He distracted himself from the missing time with the thought that at least he’d get in plenty of studying time when he was resting.

The dorms were quieter than expected. Even on school nights, there were still some idiots, usually his idiots, who were making too much noise and staying up too late. But he couldn’t hear his friends laughing and chattering at each other, or even the other extras really. His constant scowl got deeper.

“He’s back!”

Katsuki couldn’t even process the shout before something hard slammed into him. Arms wrapped around his body, squeezing hard. Two arms became four, and then six, with two more lumps crashing into him. Katsuki’s eye twitched. He’d never allowed his friends to hug him before, and now he was completely trapped by Kirishima, Ashido, and Kaminari to where he couldn’t even move his arms. A seventh joined him, and Sero was at his side, squeezing lightly with one arm, as the other was still in a sling.

“Let. go. now.” Katsuki growled, completely overwhelmed by the sudden influx of touch. His skin was still crawling even when they let go. Katsuki just grit his teeth as they all bombarded him with their shouts.

“Are you okay?”

“We’re so sorry.”

“How do you feel?”

“Gods, we’re so sorry!”

Katsuki’s stomach twisted uncomfortably as he looked at his friends’ crying faces. Tears stained Ashido’s cheeks, Kaminari’s too, and Sero and Kirishima’s eyes were both red. While his friends had approached him first, he could feel everyone staring at him, looking him over silently. Dammit, he couldn’t handle this kind of attention.

“Just shut up, all of you!” He snapped. “I’m fine, it’s over. Doesn’t matter. Leave me alone.”

Instead of doing as he asked, Kaminari just attacked him again, hugging him very tightly, sniffling in his ear. “I’m so sorry, Bakugou! You weren’t supposed to get hurt, I’ll never ask you to do something ever again. I’m so sorry.”

Awkwardly, Katsuki patted Kaminari’s back as his electric idiot started sobbing into his good shoulder. He’d never been put in this position before, he had no idea what to do or how to get him to stop.

“It’s fine, pikachu.” Katsuki gritted out. “You can stop now.”

This time, Kaminari listened. He pulled back, still loudly sniffling but not crying on him anymore. That was at least some progress.

“I’m fine, back the fuck off.” Katsuki snarled, still very overwhelmed since his friends hadn’t gotten out of his personal space.

“Oh! I made you something!” Kaminari then exclaimed, running back into the dorms. Katsuki took that moment to get past the porch, and actually head back inside. Kaminari had run to the kitchen, and come back with a plate, covered with tinfoil. It was then thrust into his hands.

Katsuki didn’t know what possessed him to take it, but when he unwrapped the foil, he found misshapen cookies underneath. He couldn’t even tell what kind they were.

“They’re spicy, I put in extra chilly flakes.” Oh gods, these were going to taste horrendous. “And some of your coffee beans too.” Oh gods, these were going to taste horrendous.

But… he couldn’t deny his friend. As much as he was very annoyed and irritated right now with his friends’ actions, there was something in him that wouldn’t let him outwardly throw them away or disparage them. He couldn’t imagine being in Kaminari’s shoes, having someone getting struck by lightning because you did something stupid. Granted, he never did anything stupid (well, maybe not never, but it was very rare) so he’d never end up in Kaminari’s shoes, but… he couldn’t do it. Especially not with Kaminari looking at him so sincerely. In the past, he would’ve called it pity, but he didn’t think it was. He knew now what Kaminari looked like when he was upset, this was a lot closer to when he knew he’d disappointed Katsuki than feeling sorry for him.

“I’m not hungry.” Katsuki said, and he wasn’t. His voice dropped a couple octaves. “I’ll take them up to my room.”

Kaminari brightened a little at that.

“I’m going to bed, now leave me the fuck alone, losers.” Katsuki said, heading to the elevator. His friends followed just a little, wanting to hover over him, but they knew better thankfully, and didn’t follow him into the elevator. His bedroom door was unlocked, and he scowled at it, but he found a new set of keys on his nightstand. His keys had probably caught fire too in his pocket.

Morbid curiosity taunted him, and he took a small bite from one of the cookies. Immediately, he spit it out into the trash, gagging on the terrible taste. That was one of the worst things he’d ever had in his life. He had to figure out how to get rid of these without Kaminari finding out. It was definitely one of the worst foods he’d ever had in his life, but Kaminari wasn’t one of the worst people he’d ever had in his life, and he supposed intention is more important than the outcome.

Katsuki thought about changing into pajamas, but decided that he didn’t care enough to put in the effort, and he just flopped into bed. He took a long deep breath, and closed his eyes, ready to go to sleep. He wasn’t exactly tired, but it was late, and he had his routine to keep. 

His breathing became erratic, and he couldn’t stop it. Tears built up behind his eyes and he couldn’t push them down. The hands that he’d placed behind his head as he usually did when he was calming down to sleep slid down to grasp at his own arms.

Now that he was alone in his room, he couldn’t keep his emotions down any longer, and he curled a little into a ball and just started sobbing. He buried his face in his pillow, hiding his face as he cried, the shame of being unable to control himself was smothered by the grief and terror that flooded his mind like a broken dam. He almost died. The slightest change in any movement, and he would’ve died. He hadn’t felt anything like this since Kamino, but he’d been able to smother his feelings better then. He’d had adversaries, he’d had distractions. He’d been terrified for his life, but he refused to let the League see how scared he was. He’d been able to hide it so well he’d even hidden it from himself. But he couldn’t hide this, not when he could still feel the lingering ache in his shoulder, could still feel the raised pink lines now etched into his shoulder, and he couldn’t hide just how terrified that made him.

Gods, he’d almost died.

Katsuki wasn’t sure how long he’d cried, it wasn’t like he timed it, but eventually, he drifted into a sort of half-doze. It was a very light sleep, not deep enough to dream, his mind floating back up to consciousness occasionally but never waking him up fully.

A quiet knock startled him out of it completely.

“Um, Bakugou?” Ah. Kaminari again. He wondered when he was gonna get back to calling him Kacchan. It would feel like a return to normal, even if he didn’t like being called that.

Katsuki got out of bed, scrubbing at his face, trying to erase any sign of tear tracks on his cheeks. He opened the door and raised an eyebrow. “What, pikachu?”

“Um, about the cookies.” Kaminari said, and he saw the uneaten cookies on Katsuki’s nightstand. But before he could answer, say that he’d eat them later, Kaminari continued. “You don’t have to eat them. I know they’re gross. I had a couple left over that didn’t come out right, and we tried them and I think I poisoned Kirishima. so. you don’t have to. You shouldn’t have to get hurt twice because of me.”

The smile that Kaminari tried and failed to make just made Katsuki feel bad for him. Kaminari was always so happy and chipper, even if sometimes he was panicked about it, and seeing him feeling this low made the emotions he was still feeling flare up.

“Next time you feel like making cookies, don’t.” Katsuki grumbled, huffing quietly. Kaminari just shrunk at that, like a heavy weight had been placed on his shoulders. “And ask me for help first.”

Happiness bloomed on Kaminari’s face like a sunflower at dawn.

When the Past Comes Calling, I Can't Breathe

Day 1 Panic Attack, Day 2 Trust Issues, Day 11 Loneliness, Day 13 Team as Family, Day 14 Left for Dead, Day 15 Childhood Trauma, Day 28 Exposure

When an old "friend" of Katsuki's resurfaces, he tries hard to keep that sludge villain incident a secret from his squad. Unfortunately, it's harder said than done.

Class 1-A had been kept inside of UA’s walls for a while, and as soon as they were given the greenlight to finally go out again now that they all had their provisional licenses, Katsuki’s extras roped him into a trip to the arcade. He hadn’t wanted to go with them, but one of the conditions Aizawa-sensei had set was they had to go in groups, and his extras were some of the few in their class that Katsuki could stand, so he was left with little choice. The allure of going outside and not having people stare at him or whisper about him just out of earshot was worth dealing with his extras being overly excited and overdramatic for a little while. They’d gone back to their system of having one person choose their destination, as they had done before the dorm system, and it was Sero’s turn. He’d chosen to go to the arcade, and Katsuki figured at least he’d have some fun wiping the floor with his extras at all the games.

Somehow, the day had actually been going rather smoothly, as they hadn’t gotten kicked out yet, they hadn’t broken anything in their enthusiasm, and the only time they air hockey puck went off of the table, which surprisingly hadn’t been his fault, no one had gotten hurt. Katsuki had actually smiled a couple of times after watching his extras play, and seeing their disappointed faces whenever he won. He really should’ve known better than to trust and let his guard down a little thinking it would just be a simple day with his extras. His life was never that easy anymore.

“Hey, Katsuki. Long time no see.”

Katsuki went completely still, his heart beginning to pound in his chest as a voice he hadn’t heard in months drifted back into his ears.

“Come on, Katsuki, don’t ignore me. We’ve been friends for too long for that.”

Katsuki’s temper flared at that, feeling like he wanted to tear the bastard’s face off, but he tried his best to keep his anger under control. His fists however seemed to have different ideas, and he only noticed he’d been crushing his cup when soda started to spill down his hand.

He took a shaky, deep breath, turned towards the bastard, and said, “I have no idea who you are. Leave me alone.” Then he turned to his extras, who had mercifully been very absorbed in the shooting game they’d been playing, and just muttered, “I’m getting another drink.”

His extras acknowledged him briefly, and he stormed off to the nearest trash can, hoping that the damn bastard would get the hint and leave him alone. But it seemed the bastard was just as stupid as he was in middle school, and followed him.

“Don’t be such an asshole, Katsuki. Just because I didn’t end up going to UA doesn’t mean you can ignore me now.”

Katsuki whirled around, facing Koshinuke, his heart still pounding in his chest from anger and an emotion he was trying to smother with anger. He wanted to scream in this fucker’s face, he wanted to tear his throat out, but he couldn’t, that would draw too much attention, so he just settled on a low growl filled with hatred. “I told you, I don’t know who you are, leave me alone.”

Koshinuke rolled his eyes, and lightly glared at him. “You can’t just pretend you don’t know me, asshole. Come on, we’ve been friends for years, and suddenly when you get into UA, you just block everyone and drop off the face of the planet? Not cool, man.”

Katsuki’s hand clenched even harder on the paper cup, and he threw it into the trash can as hard as he could, some drops of soda still spilling down his hand. “I won’t tell you again, leave me the fuck alone.”

“What? Are you afraid to be seen with me with your big shot UA friends, or something?” Koshinuke asked presumptuously. “You can’t just ignore the past.”

Katsuki’s eyes widened as keeping his temper under control became even harder. Middle school Katsuki probably would’ve blown him up, but he didn’t want to ruin today for his extras, they’d been so restless and antsy being kept inside the dorms all the time. If he used his quirk, they’d get kicked out and he just couldn’t do that to his extras.

“You have no right to bring up the past with me, you selfish bastard.” Katsuki hissed, his voice full of venom. “You ever think I fucking blocked you because I didn’t want to fucking talk to you ever again after what you did to me?”

Koshinuke scoffed. “Seriously, dude, are you still mad about that? That was forever ago.”

“Time makes no goddamn difference, you abandoned me to that thing.” Katsuki growled, some of his emotions leaking into his voice.

“We knew you’d be okay.” Koshinuke dismissed. “You’re Bakugou Katsuki, you can do anything. You always said you could.”

“Don’t throw my own fucking words back in my face, you traitorous bastard!” Katsuki’s heart was beating so loud, everyone in this arcade should’ve been able to hear it, and he didn’t think it was only from righteous anger.

“Ugh, why are you still so mad about that, Katsuki?” Koshinuke sighed as if Katsuki was annoying him. “You’re fine now. You got into UA, you’re becoming a hero, everything you always said you’d do, you did. It’s not like it really did anything to you.”

“That’s not the goddamn point.” Katsuki sneered. “And stop calling me Katsuki, you lost that right a long time ago.”

“Why are you being so sensitive, dude?” Koshinuke groaned. “I swear, you’re sounding like pathetic Deku or something.”

Katsuki had never wanted to punch someone in the face so badly in his life. His body was trembling with anger, his heart was beating out of his chest, and his fingernails were digging into his palms as he tried his best to keep his anger under control.

“ You left me there to die. ” Katsuki whispered out, his voice gravelly and rough as his throat closed as he spoke.

“This guy bothering you, man?” Katsuki was startled to hear Kirishima, but his extras were suddenly behind him, looking mildly upset. They must have finished their game and gone looking for him when he hadn’t returned.

“We’re old friends from middle school.” Koshinuke said, smiling in a way that made Katsuki want to stab him in the eye.

“No we’re not.” Katsuki stated flatly. “And yes, he is bothering me. I told him to leave me alone, get him out of my sight before I blow this whole damn building.”

The words had thankfully come out like an order, but there had been an inflection in his voice he hadn’t wanted. He just hoped his extras chalked it up to him being ridiculously angry.

“You heard him, beat it.” Kaminari said, looking as serious as he could be. In any other situation, Katsuki would’ve found it hilarious. “Kacchan doesn’t want you around.”

“Yeah, leave us alone, dude.” Sero said. “We don’t want any drama, okay?

Koshinuke seemed affronted by his extras. “Katsuki, come on, we’re friends-”

“Don’t make us get the security guard.” Kirishima interrupted, crossing his arms. “Bakugou told you to leave him alone, I suggest you listen this time. Trust me, man, you don’t want this fight.”

Koshinuke looked between his extras, still looking offended, but when all of his extras glared right back, moving closer to him as if to protect him, something they’d started after Kamino, he finally backed off to Katsuki’s relief.

“Fine, whatever, man. Guess you’re still the same asshole you always were.” Koshinuke scoffed, sneering at him. “Hope you all enjoy being an asshole’s lapdog.”

Koshinuke put his hands in his pockets and stormed off. Katsuki was still trembling with anger, but hopefully his heart would calm down soon. He wasn’t sure why it was beating so fast, it didn’t usually, but he hadn’t been this angry since Ground Beta.

“You okay, dude? You seem really upset.” Kirishima said, placing his hand on Katsuki’s shoulder, which he immediately shrugged off.

“I’m fine. The fucker just wouldn’t leave me alone.” Katsuki said, still glaring at the bastard’s back as he walked away. He held up his hand, which was still covered in sticky soda, and he just sighed in annoyance. “Need to fucking wash my hands. I’ll be back.”

Before his extras could say anything, he stalked off the bathroom, trying to hide how his hands were shaking. He ran his hands under the cold water, scrubbing them intensely, and tried to push the interaction out of his mind. His breathing was coming faster and faster, and his heart was beating so hard in his chest it was painful. His wet hands then came to his throat, clawing at it as breathing suddenly became much, much harder than it should be.

Suppressed memories started to break through to his mind’s eye, flashing across his eyes and devastating them with his power. The sight of his shaking hands in the shower as he scrubbed his body raw trying to get rid of the feeling of sludge all over his body, his stomach rolling as he still felt disgusting no matter how hard he scrubbed. The panic that had been caused by the attack, the fires that had started, the way his quirk had turned from a defensive measure into an uncontrollable weapon for the villain. Coughing as much as he was breathing, feeling the villain’s sludge go down his throat, only being allowed to breathe on the villain’s terms. His friends staring in terror at the monstrosity swirling around him, his arm still outstretched as he silently begged for their help. Watching in horror as the people he thought were friends turned around and ran away from him, abandoning him to be at the villain’s mercy, letting his body get swallowed by the darkness he couldn’t escape on his own.

Katsuki crashed to his knees, his soapy hands still clawing at his throat, his heart beating so hard it must be cracking his ribs. Up until that point, Katsuki had never felt so close to death, and now it felt like he was right back there, his body trembling and weakening from the inescapable power of the memories that seemed to be slowly killing him.

“-kugou! Bakugou! Katsuki!” A strange hand grasped his, holding it tightly.

Instinctively, Katsuki’s quirk went off, as if trying to protect himself from a threat he couldn’t recognize. But the hand stayed, unaffected by his explosion, and another hand then cupped his cheek. Again, Katsuki’s hand came to the foreign feeling, setting off another firecracker. Again, the hand didn’t pull away, and Katsuki didn’t know why.

It took a little bit, but eventually Katsuki recognized a red blur, recognizing the color of Kirishima’s hair anywhere. He blinked hard, just now realizing that he was crying and that was why he couldn’t see, trying to focus on the sight of his friend to keep him grounded.

“You can do it, Katsuki, just try to breathe with me, okay?” Kirishima said, pulling Katsuki’s hand to Kirishima’s chest. He breathed in slowly, a soft voice besides them counting to four, and then breathed out as the voice counted to seven.

Breath slowly scraped through Katsuki’s lungs, his body still trembling as he tried his best to focus on his friends. The voice belonged to Mina, who wore the same worried expression that Kirishima did as Katsuki became dizzy from the lack of oxygen.

“Maybe we should call Aizawa-sensei.” He heard Sero whisper to Kirishima. “Or take him to the hospital, he’s not calming down.”

Katsuki whimpered as he shook his head quickly, as the thought of someone else seeing him like this made his skin crawl. He was still gasping for air, but he managed to whisper, “no hospitals.”

“Katsuki, you’re having a panic attack.” Kirishima said, still squeezing his hands. Ah, Kirishima had his quirk activated on his hands, that’s why the explosions hadn’t worked. As much as he didn’t want to be touched right now, he was somewhat glad he hadn’t hurt his friend. “I really think you need to go to the hospital.”

He shook his head again, his stomach twisting painfully, knowing that a trip to the hospital would only lead to negative outcomes. “Please. No hospitals.”

Kirishima bit his lip with his shark teeth, and Katsuki saw the uncertainty in his friends’ faces. The tiny part of his logical mind that wasn’t being drowned out by panic told him he needed to calm down or his friends would take him to the hospital. While the panic was still strong, while his body still trembled, he tried to match the four-seven breathing pattern Kirishima and Mina had shown him. Encouraged by Katsuki’s attempts, Kirishima squeezed his hand again and started breathing deeply again, keeping Katsuki’s hand pressed against his chest.

Katsuki wasn’t sure how long it took, but eventually his breathing finally calmed down to meet the four-seven pattern his friends were giving him. The dizziness that had sent his stomach rolling finally calmed down, and while stray tears were still streaming down his cheeks, he could finally breathe again, letting him think clearly.

“You back with us, Bakugou?” Kirishima’s voice was barely a whisper, as if afraid to set him off again.

Katsuki wanted to shove his friends away, to scream at them to leave him alone, but he didn’t have the strength to. Instead he just nodded, still panting.

“Are you okay, Kacchan?” Kaminari asked, and Katsuki just glared at him. He nodded, grimacing. “Yeah, got it, stupid question, shutting up.”

“Okay, what the hell just happened?” Mina asked, staring at him with her raccoon eyes, emotion shining within them.

“‘Ts nothing.” Katsuki muttered.

“Bullshit, you don’t have panic attacks for nothing.” Kirishima said, and he wondered when his friends had gotten so good at calling him out. “Come on, dude, you gotta tell us what happened. We’re your friends. Did that guy hurt you or something?”

Katsuki shook his head, and thought for a moment. His extras were like dogs with bones, once they were on the trail of something, they never let it go. He hated revealing any weaknesses to anyone, but he supposed they had just talked him down from a panic attack, and they’d want to ‘help’ him. But since he still didn’t want to talk, his still shaking hand felt around for his phone for a moment, and then pulled it out. He searched up the story, as he knew it had made the news, and then held his phone out for them to read.

His friends looked confused, but they took the phone from him. All of his friends crowded around so they could all read the article.

“All Might defeats sludge type villain… hey wait a minute I remember this, it was on the news.” Sero said, staring at the phone with a puzzled expression before his eyes went wide and his voice became incredulous. “Wait a minute, that was you? ”

Katsuki just nodded curtly.

“Oh my god, this is about you? ” Mina said, gesturing to the article. “You were the one that he…”

Katsuki nodded again.

His friends’ faces went white and he looked down at the floor, unable to take the emotions in their eyes. Kirishima squeezed his hand again, disarming his quirk so he just felt his friend’s calloused skin.

“Dude, I’m so sorry- I, I mean,” Kirishima sputtered, “We’re glad you’re okay.”

“Are… you okay?” Kaminari asked hesitantly.

Katsuki nodded again, even if his body was still trembling and the occasional tear still ran down his cheek.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Kirishima said, his voice sounding far too sincere for Katsuki to handle. “We’re your friends, you can tell us stuff like this. We’re here to support you.”

Katsuki glared at Kirishima. “It was none of your business.”

Kirishima winced as if he’d been expecting that answer.

“But… wait a minute.” Sero said. “If this happened because you got attacked by a villain, then… what does that guy have to do with it?”

Katsuki squirmed a little uncomfortably. “Just drop it, okay? This has nothing to do with you. It’s none of your business.”

That got him looks from all of his friends.

“Bakugou, we’re your friends.” Kirishima said. “When some random asshole hurts you, we’re here to help you. We care about you.”

“Besides, it kinda became our business when we needed to talk you down from a panic attack.” Sero said plainly.

“Yeah. So stop being mister stoic and secretive and emotionally repressed for a little bit, okay?” Mina added. “Just talk to us.”

“I’m not emotionally repressed.” Katsuki murmured petulantly.

“Kacchan, you’re the king of being emotionally repressed.” Kaminari deadpanned. “Come on, man. We- we need to know why we need to beat up that guy if we ever see him again.”

That got Katsuki to snort, chuckling a little at his friend’s idiocy. Katsuki took a deep breath and sighed. His stomach was still twisting painfully, but his heart was at least calming a little being surrounded by his friends. There was still a part of him that wanted to scrub his skin raw again, but it was calming down the longer his friends’ spent hovering over him.

“I… was walking home like I always did. Was hanging out with that bastard and another idiot from middle school. We were… taking a shortcut, deciding what to do for the day. We… went into this alleyway, and then this wall of sludge came up from the sewers. Grabs me. And those two fucking cowards… they turned and ran at the first fucking sign of trouble. Left me to deal with it alone. I was fine, of course, All Might was right around the corner, it was nothing, but… I couldn’t forgive them for just leaving me there. Haven’t talked to them since.”

Katsuki kept his eyes on the ground, able to sense his friends’ godawful pity in their eyes without needing to see it. His friends knew him well enough that that last bit of bravado was fake. He could tell by how hard Kirishima was squeezing his hand.

“That’s so horrible.” Mina said, her voice wavering a little. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

“I told you, it was nothing!” Katsuki snapped.

“Oh yeah, it was totally nothing.” Sero muttered, rolling his eyes and glaring at him. “It was so nothing that you were sent into a panic attack just by seeing that asshole again.”

Katsuki matched his glare. Sero didn’t back down.

“So we’re totally actually beating them up if we ever see them again, right?” Kaminari asked, breaking the tension a little.

Katsuki breathed out a soft chuckle. “I don’t need you to fight my battles.”

“We’re not saying you need us to fight your battles.” Sero smirked. “We’re just saying that if we ever see those guys again, they’re just gonna accidentally get punched in the face a couple dozen times. No biggie.”

“You don’t have to do that.” Katsuki scoffed quietly.

“Yeah, but trust me, we want to.” Kaminari said with a soft, idiotic smirk. “No one abandons our Kacchan to die and gets away with it.”

Katuki’s eyes went wide, looking at Kaminari in shock. “What… did you just say?”

“Oh um. When- when we were walking over to you after I kicked Sero’s ass-”

There was a soft interruption of “We fucking tied! That last kill didn’t count!”

A beat.

“After I finished kicking Sero’s ass, I um, kinda heard you say that he- that he left you for dead.” Kaminari said, obviously trying to be light despite the subject matter, trying to play it off as if it was nothing. “So yeah, we’re gonna punch those guys, like, a lot. They fucking suck.”

Katsuki flushed red, unaware that his friends had heard that part of the conversation. Fuck. He opened his mouth to dismiss his own words, but he couldn’t come up with anything that would actually work. Fuck.

Kirishima squeezed his hand again. “It’s okay, Bakugou. You don’t have to say anything.”

Kirishima then let go of him and stood up. “I think we should all go home. I’m kinda tired. What about you guys?”

“No.” Katsuki said. “You were all so excited to get out of the dorms for a little while. I’m fine, let’s go back to playing.”

His legs were still shaking a little, but Katsuki managed to get himself up. His friends hovered over him a little, as if waiting to catch him if he fell. Katsuki held his head up, and looked them all in the eye. His friends’ exchanged a couple of worried glances, but they eventually nodded, letting him not be held back by this as he wanted.

“Yeah, sure, man.” Sero said. “I say Kami owes me a rematch from earlier, we fucking tied!”

Katsuki felt a tiny smile grace his lips, and then Kirishima slung an arm around Katsuki’s shoulder. This time, Katsuki let it stay a whole three seconds longer than he usually did.

When the Past Comes Calling, I Can't Breathe

Day 1 Panic Attack, Day 2 Trust Issues, Day 11 Loneliness, Day 13 Team as Family, Day 14 Left for Dead, Day 15 Childhood Trauma, Day 28 Exposure

When an old "friend" of Katsuki's resurfaces, he tries hard to keep that sludge villain incident a secret from his squad. Unfortunately, it's harder said than done.

Class 1-A had been kept inside of UA’s walls for a while, and as soon as they were given the greenlight to finally go out again now that they all had their provisional licenses, Katsuki’s extras roped him into a trip to the arcade. He hadn’t wanted to go with them, but one of the conditions Aizawa-sensei had set was they had to go in groups, and his extras were some of the few in their class that Katsuki could stand, so he was left with little choice. The allure of going outside and not having people stare at him or whisper about him just out of earshot was worth dealing with his extras being overly excited and overdramatic for a little while. They’d gone back to their system of having one person choose their destination, as they had done before the dorm system, and it was Sero’s turn. He’d chosen to go to the arcade, and Katsuki figured at least he’d have some fun wiping the floor with his extras at all the games.

Somehow, the day had actually been going rather smoothly, as they hadn’t gotten kicked out yet, they hadn’t broken anything in their enthusiasm, and the only time they air hockey puck went off of the table, which surprisingly hadn’t been his fault, no one had gotten hurt. Katsuki had actually smiled a couple of times after watching his extras play, and seeing their disappointed faces whenever he won. He really should’ve known better than to trust and let his guard down a little thinking it would just be a simple day with his extras. His life was never that easy anymore.

“Hey, Katsuki. Long time no see.”

Katsuki went completely still, his heart beginning to pound in his chest as a voice he hadn’t heard in months drifted back into his ears.

“Come on, Katsuki, don’t ignore me. We’ve been friends for too long for that.”

Katsuki’s temper flared at that, feeling like he wanted to tear the bastard’s face off, but he tried his best to keep his anger under control. His fists however seemed to have different ideas, and he only noticed he’d been crushing his cup when soda started to spill down his hand.

He took a shaky, deep breath, turned towards the bastard, and said, “I have no idea who you are. Leave me alone.” Then he turned to his extras, who had mercifully been very absorbed in the shooting game they’d been playing, and just muttered, “I’m getting another drink.”

His extras acknowledged him briefly, and he stormed off to the nearest trash can, hoping that the damn bastard would get the hint and leave him alone. But it seemed the bastard was just as stupid as he was in middle school, and followed him.

“Don’t be such an asshole, Katsuki. Just because I didn’t end up going to UA doesn’t mean you can ignore me now.”

Katsuki whirled around, facing Koshinuke, his heart still pounding in his chest from anger and an emotion he was trying to smother with anger. He wanted to scream in this fucker’s face, he wanted to tear his throat out, but he couldn’t, that would draw too much attention, so he just settled on a low growl filled with hatred. “I told you, I don’t know who you are, leave me alone.”

Koshinuke rolled his eyes, and lightly glared at him. “You can’t just pretend you don’t know me, asshole. Come on, we’ve been friends for years, and suddenly when you get into UA, you just block everyone and drop off the face of the planet? Not cool, man.”

Katsuki’s hand clenched even harder on the paper cup, and he threw it into the trash can as hard as he could, some drops of soda still spilling down his hand. “I won’t tell you again, leave me the fuck alone.”

“What? Are you afraid to be seen with me with your big shot UA friends, or something?” Koshinuke asked presumptuously. “You can’t just ignore the past.”

Katsuki’s eyes widened as keeping his temper under control became even harder. Middle school Katsuki probably would’ve blown him up, but he didn’t want to ruin today for his extras, they’d been so restless and antsy being kept inside the dorms all the time. If he used his quirk, they’d get kicked out and he just couldn’t do that to his extras.

“You have no right to bring up the past with me, you selfish bastard.” Katsuki hissed, his voice full of venom. “You ever think I fucking blocked you because I didn’t want to fucking talk to you ever again after what you did to me?”

Koshinuke scoffed. “Seriously, dude, are you still mad about that? That was forever ago.”

“Time makes no goddamn difference, you abandoned me to that thing.” Katsuki growled, some of his emotions leaking into his voice.

“We knew you’d be okay.” Koshinuke dismissed. “You’re Bakugou Katsuki, you can do anything. You always said you could.”

“Don’t throw my own fucking words back in my face, you traitorous bastard!” Katsuki’s heart was beating so loud, everyone in this arcade should’ve been able to hear it, and he didn’t think it was only from righteous anger.

“Ugh, why are you still so mad about that, Katsuki?” Koshinuke sighed as if Katsuki was annoying him. “You’re fine now. You got into UA, you’re becoming a hero, everything you always said you’d do, you did. It’s not like it really did anything to you.”

“That’s not the goddamn point.” Katsuki sneered. “And stop calling me Katsuki, you lost that right a long time ago.”

“Why are you being so sensitive, dude?” Koshinuke groaned. “I swear, you’re sounding like pathetic Deku or something.”

Katsuki had never wanted to punch someone in the face so badly in his life. His body was trembling with anger, his heart was beating out of his chest, and his fingernails were digging into his palms as he tried his best to keep his anger under control.

“ You left me there to die. ” Katsuki whispered out, his voice gravelly and rough as his throat closed as he spoke.

“This guy bothering you, man?” Katsuki was startled to hear Kirishima, but his extras were suddenly behind him, looking mildly upset. They must have finished their game and gone looking for him when he hadn’t returned.

“We’re old friends from middle school.” Koshinuke said, smiling in a way that made Katsuki want to stab him in the eye.

“No we’re not.” Katsuki stated flatly. “And yes, he is bothering me. I told him to leave me alone, get him out of my sight before I blow this whole damn building.”

The words had thankfully come out like an order, but there had been an inflection in his voice he hadn’t wanted. He just hoped his extras chalked it up to him being ridiculously angry.

“You heard him, beat it.” Kaminari said, looking as serious as he could be. In any other situation, Katsuki would’ve found it hilarious. “Kacchan doesn’t want you around.”

“Yeah, leave us alone, dude.” Sero said. “We don’t want any drama, okay?

Koshinuke seemed affronted by his extras. “Katsuki, come on, we’re friends-”

“Don’t make us get the security guard.” Kirishima interrupted, crossing his arms. “Bakugou told you to leave him alone, I suggest you listen this time. Trust me, man, you don’t want this fight.”

Koshinuke looked between his extras, still looking offended, but when all of his extras glared right back, moving closer to him as if to protect him, something they’d started after Kamino, he finally backed off to Katsuki’s relief.

“Fine, whatever, man. Guess you’re still the same asshole you always were.” Koshinuke scoffed, sneering at him. “Hope you all enjoy being an asshole’s lapdog.”

Koshinuke put his hands in his pockets and stormed off. Katsuki was still trembling with anger, but hopefully his heart would calm down soon. He wasn’t sure why it was beating so fast, it didn’t usually, but he hadn’t been this angry since Ground Beta.

“You okay, dude? You seem really upset.” Kirishima said, placing his hand on Katsuki’s shoulder, which he immediately shrugged off.

“I’m fine. The fucker just wouldn’t leave me alone.” Katsuki said, still glaring at the bastard’s back as he walked away. He held up his hand, which was still covered in sticky soda, and he just sighed in annoyance. “Need to fucking wash my hands. I’ll be back.”

Before his extras could say anything, he stalked off the bathroom, trying to hide how his hands were shaking. He ran his hands under the cold water, scrubbing them intensely, and tried to push the interaction out of his mind. His breathing was coming faster and faster, and his heart was beating so hard in his chest it was painful. His wet hands then came to his throat, clawing at it as breathing suddenly became much, much harder than it should be.

Suppressed memories started to break through to his mind’s eye, flashing across his eyes and devastating them with his power. The sight of his shaking hands in the shower as he scrubbed his body raw trying to get rid of the feeling of sludge all over his body, his stomach rolling as he still felt disgusting no matter how hard he scrubbed. The panic that had been caused by the attack, the fires that had started, the way his quirk had turned from a defensive measure into an uncontrollable weapon for the villain. Coughing as much as he was breathing, feeling the villain’s sludge go down his throat, only being allowed to breathe on the villain’s terms. His friends staring in terror at the monstrosity swirling around him, his arm still outstretched as he silently begged for their help. Watching in horror as the people he thought were friends turned around and ran away from him, abandoning him to be at the villain’s mercy, letting his body get swallowed by the darkness he couldn’t escape on his own.

Katsuki crashed to his knees, his soapy hands still clawing at his throat, his heart beating so hard it must be cracking his ribs. Up until that point, Katsuki had never felt so close to death, and now it felt like he was right back there, his body trembling and weakening from the inescapable power of the memories that seemed to be slowly killing him.

“-kugou! Bakugou! Katsuki!” A strange hand grasped his, holding it tightly.

Instinctively, Katsuki’s quirk went off, as if trying to protect himself from a threat he couldn’t recognize. But the hand stayed, unaffected by his explosion, and another hand then cupped his cheek. Again, Katsuki’s hand came to the foreign feeling, setting off another firecracker. Again, the hand didn’t pull away, and Katsuki didn’t know why.

It took a little bit, but eventually Katsuki recognized a red blur, recognizing the color of Kirishima’s hair anywhere. He blinked hard, just now realizing that he was crying and that was why he couldn’t see, trying to focus on the sight of his friend to keep him grounded.

“You can do it, Katsuki, just try to breathe with me, okay?” Kirishima said, pulling Katsuki’s hand to Kirishima’s chest. He breathed in slowly, a soft voice besides them counting to four, and then breathed out as the voice counted to seven.

Breath slowly scraped through Katsuki’s lungs, his body still trembling as he tried his best to focus on his friends. The voice belonged to Mina, who wore the same worried expression that Kirishima did as Katsuki became dizzy from the lack of oxygen.

“Maybe we should call Aizawa-sensei.” He heard Sero whisper to Kirishima. “Or take him to the hospital, he’s not calming down.”

Katsuki whimpered as he shook his head quickly, as the thought of someone else seeing him like this made his skin crawl. He was still gasping for air, but he managed to whisper, “no hospitals.”

“Katsuki, you’re having a panic attack.” Kirishima said, still squeezing his hands. Ah, Kirishima had his quirk activated on his hands, that’s why the explosions hadn’t worked. As much as he didn’t want to be touched right now, he was somewhat glad he hadn’t hurt his friend. “I really think you need to go to the hospital.”

He shook his head again, his stomach twisting painfully, knowing that a trip to the hospital would only lead to negative outcomes. “Please. No hospitals.”

Kirishima bit his lip with his shark teeth, and Katsuki saw the uncertainty in his friends’ faces. The tiny part of his logical mind that wasn’t being drowned out by panic told him he needed to calm down or his friends would take him to the hospital. While the panic was still strong, while his body still trembled, he tried to match the four-seven breathing pattern Kirishima and Mina had shown him. Encouraged by Katsuki’s attempts, Kirishima squeezed his hand again and started breathing deeply again, keeping Katsuki’s hand pressed against his chest.

Katsuki wasn’t sure how long it took, but eventually his breathing finally calmed down to meet the four-seven pattern his friends were giving him. The dizziness that had sent his stomach rolling finally calmed down, and while stray tears were still streaming down his cheeks, he could finally breathe again, letting him think clearly.

“You back with us, Bakugou?” Kirishima’s voice was barely a whisper, as if afraid to set him off again.

Katsuki wanted to shove his friends away, to scream at them to leave him alone, but he didn’t have the strength to. Instead he just nodded, still panting.

“Are you okay, Kacchan?” Kaminari asked, and Katsuki just glared at him. He nodded, grimacing. “Yeah, got it, stupid question, shutting up.”

“Okay, what the hell just happened?” Mina asked, staring at him with her raccoon eyes, emotion shining within them.

“‘Ts nothing.” Katsuki muttered.

“Bullshit, you don’t have panic attacks for nothing.” Kirishima said, and he wondered when his friends had gotten so good at calling him out. “Come on, dude, you gotta tell us what happened. We’re your friends. Did that guy hurt you or something?”

Katsuki shook his head, and thought for a moment. His extras were like dogs with bones, once they were on the trail of something, they never let it go. He hated revealing any weaknesses to anyone, but he supposed they had just talked him down from a panic attack, and they’d want to ‘help’ him. But since he still didn’t want to talk, his still shaking hand felt around for his phone for a moment, and then pulled it out. He searched up the story, as he knew it had made the news, and then held his phone out for them to read.

His friends looked confused, but they took the phone from him. All of his friends crowded around so they could all read the article.

“All Might defeats sludge type villain… hey wait a minute I remember this, it was on the news.” Sero said, staring at the phone with a puzzled expression before his eyes went wide and his voice became incredulous. “Wait a minute, that was you? ”

Katsuki just nodded curtly.

“Oh my god, this is about you? ” Mina said, gesturing to the article. “You were the one that he…”

Katsuki nodded again.

His friends’ faces went white and he looked down at the floor, unable to take the emotions in their eyes. Kirishima squeezed his hand again, disarming his quirk so he just felt his friend’s calloused skin.

“Dude, I’m so sorry- I, I mean,” Kirishima sputtered, “We’re glad you’re okay.”

“Are… you okay?” Kaminari asked hesitantly.

Katsuki nodded again, even if his body was still trembling and the occasional tear still ran down his cheek.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Kirishima said, his voice sounding far too sincere for Katsuki to handle. “We’re your friends, you can tell us stuff like this. We’re here to support you.”

Katsuki glared at Kirishima. “It was none of your business.”

Kirishima winced as if he’d been expecting that answer.

“But… wait a minute.” Sero said. “If this happened because you got attacked by a villain, then… what does that guy have to do with it?”

Katsuki squirmed a little uncomfortably. “Just drop it, okay? This has nothing to do with you. It’s none of your business.”

That got him looks from all of his friends.

“Bakugou, we’re your friends.” Kirishima said. “When some random asshole hurts you, we’re here to help you. We care about you.”

“Besides, it kinda became our business when we needed to talk you down from a panic attack.” Sero said plainly.

“Yeah. So stop being mister stoic and secretive and emotionally repressed for a little bit, okay?” Mina added. “Just talk to us.”

“I’m not emotionally repressed.” Katsuki murmured petulantly.

“Kacchan, you’re the king of being emotionally repressed.” Kaminari deadpanned. “Come on, man. We- we need to know why we need to beat up that guy if we ever see him again.”

That got Katsuki to snort, chuckling a little at his friend’s idiocy. Katsuki took a deep breath and sighed. His stomach was still twisting painfully, but his heart was at least calming a little being surrounded by his friends. There was still a part of him that wanted to scrub his skin raw again, but it was calming down the longer his friends’ spent hovering over him.

“I… was walking home like I always did. Was hanging out with that bastard and another idiot from middle school. We were… taking a shortcut, deciding what to do for the day. We… went into this alleyway, and then this wall of sludge came up from the sewers. Grabs me. And those two fucking cowards… they turned and ran at the first fucking sign of trouble. Left me to deal with it alone. I was fine, of course, All Might was right around the corner, it was nothing, but… I couldn’t forgive them for just leaving me there. Haven’t talked to them since.”

Katsuki kept his eyes on the ground, able to sense his friends’ godawful pity in their eyes without needing to see it. His friends knew him well enough that that last bit of bravado was fake. He could tell by how hard Kirishima was squeezing his hand.

“That’s so horrible.” Mina said, her voice wavering a little. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

“I told you, it was nothing!” Katsuki snapped.

“Oh yeah, it was totally nothing.” Sero muttered, rolling his eyes and glaring at him. “It was so nothing that you were sent into a panic attack just by seeing that asshole again.”

Katsuki matched his glare. Sero didn’t back down.

“So we’re totally actually beating them up if we ever see them again, right?” Kaminari asked, breaking the tension a little.

Katsuki breathed out a soft chuckle. “I don’t need you to fight my battles.”

“We’re not saying you need us to fight your battles.” Sero smirked. “We’re just saying that if we ever see those guys again, they’re just gonna accidentally get punched in the face a couple dozen times. No biggie.”

“You don’t have to do that.” Katsuki scoffed quietly.

“Yeah, but trust me, we want to.” Kaminari said with a soft, idiotic smirk. “No one abandons our Kacchan to die and gets away with it.”

Katuki’s eyes went wide, looking at Kaminari in shock. “What… did you just say?”

“Oh um. When- when we were walking over to you after I kicked Sero’s ass-”

There was a soft interruption of “We fucking tied! That last kill didn’t count!”

A beat.

“After I finished kicking Sero’s ass, I um, kinda heard you say that he- that he left you for dead.” Kaminari said, obviously trying to be light despite the subject matter, trying to play it off as if it was nothing. “So yeah, we’re gonna punch those guys, like, a lot. They fucking suck.”

Katsuki flushed red, unaware that his friends had heard that part of the conversation. Fuck. He opened his mouth to dismiss his own words, but he couldn’t come up with anything that would actually work. Fuck.

Kirishima squeezed his hand again. “It’s okay, Bakugou. You don’t have to say anything.”

Kirishima then let go of him and stood up. “I think we should all go home. I’m kinda tired. What about you guys?”

“No.” Katsuki said. “You were all so excited to get out of the dorms for a little while. I’m fine, let’s go back to playing.”

His legs were still shaking a little, but Katsuki managed to get himself up. His friends hovered over him a little, as if waiting to catch him if he fell. Katsuki held his head up, and looked them all in the eye. His friends’ exchanged a couple of worried glances, but they eventually nodded, letting him not be held back by this as he wanted.

“Yeah, sure, man.” Sero said. “I say Kami owes me a rematch from earlier, we fucking tied!”

Katsuki felt a tiny smile grace his lips, and then Kirishima slung an arm around Katsuki’s shoulder. This time, Katsuki let it stay a whole three seconds longer than he usually did.

Whumptober day 11 - Stitches

My eleventh fill for @whumptober2019​, with some lovely Science Bros content, also available on Ao3.

A bit of a warning - I’ll be pretty busy up until Wednesday, so it’s possible fills might be shorter during those days. No certainty ever, but just to make sure expectations aren’t too high :P

----- ----- -----

"Brucie-bear?"

It was weird seeing Tony this hesitant, lingering at the door to the lab he'd provided for Bruce instead of waltzing in and owning the room.

That weirdness, as well as the fact that none of the Avengers had quite gotten over their protectiveness of Tony after the latest kidnapping attempt, was why Bruce instantly put down his tablet to give Tony all of his attention.

"What's up, Tony?"

He was glad he had when he noticed the way Tony was holding his side, where one of his largest wounds was.

Now concerned, Bruce slowly walked towards him. He had enough experience with Tony to know that too quick an approach could scare him off, however much he coated it in 'never mind, nothing's wrong', but the fact that Tony had approached him like this in the first place did mean something was wrong.

"I ehm... It's my stitches." Then, he lifted his hand slightly, and Bruce could see there was some blood on his hand. "Some of them tore."

Back when they hadn't known one another as well, he might've reacted with annoyance, might've asked Tony if he'd tried to do too much again even though he'd been told to rest and recover.

Now, he remained as calm as possible, heading for his suture kit instead of directly for Tony. "The Hulk room would probably be best for this?” It had been set up to be comfortable and peaceful, though the comfort was Bruce’s first concern. His friend was hardly at ease with receiving medical treatment, after all, and the fact that he’d voluntarily approached Bruce could already be counted as a miracle.

Tony remained silent as he sat down, seeming more downtrodden than Bruce had seen him before.

As Bruce set out his supplies, he tried to assess if anything was severely wrong. The dark circles under Tony’s eyes weren’t much darker than usual, though he did look a little pale and his eyes seemed a little dull.

“May I ask what happened?” he asked calmly, lifting up Tony’s shirt gently and exposing the wound. It looked like only a few of the stitches had been ripped, but the cut was big enough that it was still bleeding quite a bit. Bruce grabbed a few bandages and some disinfectant.

“It… I slept a bit restlessly,” Tony admitted, which Bruce took to mean he’d had a nightmare. He carefully kept his eyes averted to keep Tony talking. It took some time, but he had patience aplenty, and work to keep him busy. If he was willing to tell, he would continue eventually.

Finally, just as Bruce had nearly resigned himself to the thought that Tony seemed to prefer to keep it to himself, he spoke up. His voice was quiet, and Bruce had to strain a little to hear it, but he didn’t mind. “Not much, just… Kinda got reminded of… previous experiences. With people trying to abduct me.” He trailed off after that, but it was enough.

“Makes sense,” Bruce admitted. If he was honest, he didn’t have much experience himself, and it made it difficult to know what to say in order to help. So, instead of trying to lie his way through it, he simply offered up a supportive smile. “If there’s anything I can do to help, I hope you know you can let me know and I’ll do my best.”

It seemed like it was the right thing to say, because Tony returned his smile gratefully. “This… This is actually already helping. Thank you.”

“Anytime,” Bruce promised, meaning it. For Tony, he’d try his utmost best.

Whumptober: Just Keep Swimming

Leonardo narrowed his eyes to see better in the rain, watching droids go back and forth, carrying boxes into a plane.

"Shouldn't we stop them?" Raphael growled, one hand on his sai.

"No, there's too many, we can't take on all of them."

"What's the plan, then?" Donatello chimed in, already working out plans and calculations in his head.

"We'll sneak into the plane before takeoff and hijack it, then try to land it outside the city to avoid civilian casualties."

Leonardo got a few looks, but he ignored them, signaling for them to follow as he timed the gaps between guards, then darted into the cargo hold, his brothers following shortly behind. He wiggled between two crates and held his breath, watching as the others did his same.

Back and forth, back and forth, like mice, until the hold was shut and pressurized. The plane took off, slowly but surely, building up speed until they were in the air.

"Where are we heading, Don?" Leonardo asked, reiterating where they were going.

"Overseas, some part of Asia."

Leonardo nodded, even if the other couldn't see, and waited.

Enough time went by to leave him stiff, but unable to leave the area, just in case somebody came in.

And then Michelangelo stood up, probably not able to stand waiting that long, just as the door opened.

Michelangelo blinked, and then all heck broke loose.

The fight wouldn't have been bad, if somebody hadn't gotten thrown into a button. The cargo hold opened, and any cargo that wasn't locked down securely and any people who hadn't grabbed something were sucked outside, falling into the turbulent sea below.

Everybody froze, clinging onto something that wasn't moving, unsure of what to do next with the risk of falling. Then, one of the attackers took a risk, lunging at Leonardo, dislodging him, and sending them both into the black of the storm.

Stillness, howling wind, rain that seemed to move backwards as he fell down.

"LEO!"

Those were his brothers, and he was losing them. He couldn't see them anymore, the plane lights disappearing rapidly.

He was going to hit the water. Leonardo twisted midair, trying to sort himself out like a diver. If he hit the water any other way, he'd probably die. No, scratch that, he'd definitely die.

He didn't fully make it on his way down, leg splintering with a sickening crack, and the shock of hitting the icy water forcing him to freeze up.

However, from the sound of it, his attacker wasn't as lucky.

Leonardo sank for a long minute, stunned, before thrashing. He needed to swim, he needed to not drown.

But the water was pitch black, and he had no clue which way was up. For all he knew, he could have been going further down.

Suddenly, he broke the surface and took a deep breath, coughing and floundering. Then, he was pulled back under, depriving of air. In a momentary panic, he swam desperately, kicking and fighting to get back up. Around him, the water was tight and constricting, and it only reminded him of the Technodrone again, getting dragged down, the ship exploding-

This was not the same situation, he had to remind himself, fumbling for a small knife as he calmed down and continued to sink. His gear was waterlogged, it would only continue to pull him down until he got rid of it.

Working as fast as he could, Leonardo carved through the knee and elbow pads, then as much as it hurt him, wrestled the belts off and dropped them. Finally ripping his mask off, Leo swam up as fast as he could go, he needed to hurry.

He broke the surface again, and floated around on black waters, groping for anything that would allow him to stay out of the water that threatened to take him back and drown him. Eventually, he bumped into what he assumed was a small box, and held on for dear life.

Leonardo coughed and choked before a wave slammed into him, attempting to pull him back. Fighting against it, he clawed at the box desperately, then pulled himself up onto it, no matter its size. The knife went into the box, and Leo gripped it with both hands. That, at the moment, was his lifeline. If he let go, he was gone.

The next thing Leonardo remembered was waking up, still clinging to that same knife. It was the middle of the day, dry, sunny, and he was soaked.

He blinked owlishly a few times. What was he..?

Oh, right.

Leonardo pulled his limbs onto the box, sore, aching, and salt crusted against his joints. He groaned softly, and performed a quick once-over to make sure he hadn't gotten too terribly busted up. On his right arm, at the elbow, there was a cut that seemed to have stopped bleeding a while ago. It was probably made in his panic to get free of the pads. To protect it in case of anything later, he took the bandages off his hands and wrapped them around the injury, then winced and hissed. Right, salt. He'd be feeling like he had hand sanitizer on an open injury for quite some time.

Oh, but that was a bigger issue. A much, much bigger issue. His stomach rolled, and Leo swallowed to keep whatever he last ate down. Somehow, he managed to miss the broken bone in his leg. Not only was it broken, it was displaced, too. Not very ideal for his situation.

But, there wasn't really much he could do at the moment, so he checked where the waves were heading, hopped in the water, and started kicking with his good leg, pushing the box as he went. As long as he didn't look down, he should've been fine.

...And, he still had to look at the open water fading into darkness. Don't think about what could be there, he reminded himself, Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it...

Leonardo didn't know how long he swam for, but eventually, black depths faded to murky kelp forests, sand and seaweed kicked up by the storm. It would have been strangely beautiful, if it didn't mean that he had absolutely no idea where he was, nor what could be beneath him.

He swam just a little further, trying to get out of that area, to no avail. Eventually, he sighed and pulled himself back up onto the box and examined his leg.

A long moment passed, and he slowly set his hands on where the bone was pushing against the skin.

CRACK!

Leonardo screamed, loud and thoughtless, coming straight from the burning agony on his leg, and tightened his grip to the point that his skin turned white.

He trembled, then slowly released his leg, now appearing mostly normal besides the swelling. Any leftover bandages were used to keep the bone in place. He wished he had a splint or something, but it would have to do.

Leonardo leaned forward and closed his eyes.

%%%

Another day, and Leonardo hopped back into the water. He tried swimming again, keeping an eye out for any driftwood or seabirds. Still nothing, no land anywhere, even if he squinted.

He hopped back up to save his energy, although he assumed that it wouldn't do much in the end.

%%%

Day number three. He was feeling… Off. It was coming, he could feel in the distance. He knew it was there. It was coming, no matter how much he fought it.

Still, it was worth it to try swimming. He might as well make some progress.

His energy drained too fast, too fast. It was coming, he knew. Still, he crawled out of the water and laid down. Maybe a short rest would do him some good.

But, something brushed against his bad leg, still in the water, sending shockwaves of pain up and down, and startled him back into the world of the living. A short whine escaped him, as childish as it was. He wanted to go back to sleep, and not wake up for hours. What was brushing against his leg and why?

Leonardo pulled his leg up and sat up, trying to be careful as he crossed his legs. He peered into the water and paused. Oh. It was a whale? That was a whale. More specifically, it looked like a humpback. He gaped, because it wasn’t every day that he got to see one in person. After pausing for a moment, Leonardo reached down, gently brushing his hand against it’s smooth skin. In response, it cooed and bellowed, coming up and shooting water out of its blowhole. Leonardo squeaked and raised his hands to shield himself, as if he hadn’t been hopping in and out of the water for days. Then, he smiled, momentarily forgetting about his previous desolation, and leaned back, letting the whale take him along. They were both following the current, so they might as well travel together, right? He rolled onto his stomach, resting his limbs in the water and glancing down. Unlike before, it was crystal clear, allowing him to see the bottom. It was actually rather nice, not having to worry about what could possibly be below him.

Eventually, the whale left, leaving him lonely and vaguely disappointed. Guess he would have to go alone again.

%%%

He made it a fourth day? Incredible. But he was so tired, even though he didn't do anything to be that exhausted. He was so tired, he'd sink if he tried to swim. Heck, he wanted to get back home, he wanted to see the city lights, he wanted to be running on the rooftops, not floating in the endless ocean. He wanted to see his brothers, to see Michelangelo enthusing over a new game or comic or something he had drawn, to hear Donatello rambling over an idea he had, fawning over April in a haze of puppy love, to spar Raphael and see the joy that followed from having an equal opponent, the competitive fire.

Oh God, Raphael would fall into a self-destructive spiral, the same as Leonardo did, under the burden of being a leader, he wouldn't be able to take the stress, that's why Leonardo offered to be leader.

He didn't want to let them fall to that.

Leonardo closed his eyes.

Something hit the bottom of the box.

Specially Brewed|G|923 Words

Read on AO3

Fandom: 9-1-1

Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz

Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz

Tags: Flufftober 2024, Ingredients and Spells, Alternate Universe - Magic, Magic, Protection Magic, Spells & Enchantments, Magical Evan "Buck" Buckley, Magical Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Witch Evan "Buck" Buckley, Witch Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley Takes Care of Eddie Diaz

Summary: Brewing has more than one connotation.

Flufftober 2024 Day 11: Ingredients and Spells

Unexpected Disappearance|G|645 Words

Read on AO3

Fandom: 9-1-1

Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Firehouse 118 Crew, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)

Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz, Christopher Diaz, Bobby Nash, Howie "Chimney" Han

Tags: Whumptober 2024, Loneliness, leave no trace behind like you don't even exist, Mentioned Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Mentioned Maddie Buckley, Lonely Evan "Buck" Buckley, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Lawsuit (9-1-1 TV), Post-Ladder Truck Bombing (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley Leaves Firehouse 118, Evan "Buck" Buckley Leaves Los Angeles, Worried Eddie Diaz

Summary: It takes the crew a little bit to realize that Buck has disappeared.

Whumptober 2024 Day 11: Loneliness|"Leave no trace behind, like you don't even exist"

animal trap / captivity / no one will find you (all the lights going dark and my hope’s destroyed)

Pain.

Confusion.

The horror of being alone when once there were many.

Where were his siblings? The absence of their presence was felt in the cold air pressing in on his sides where once other squirming bodies squished him in from not just the sides but often above and below as well.

Where was his mother? Her soothing scent, the warmth of her fur, the reassuring noises of her body that had loomed so large in his existence for the entirety of it thus far.

The solitude was terrifying. Never had he been apart from his family. Even after his eyes had begun to open and he and his siblings started to tumble around one another in games of play, he'd never been out of sight of the rest of his family. Barking, licking, biting, wiggling, jumping, learning how to walk on wobbly legs... drinking milk from mother until they all passed out into the most blissful and comfortable slumber.

There had come a day when mother had decided they were old enough to venture out of the cardboard box that had been their home since his birth. She led them from the torn up newspaper bedding and it had been exciting yet scary. The sky was so far overhead it wasn't even a concept he grasped. The ground underfoot was laden with smells and so too was each and every building they passed! And then people! Giants roamed the streets and took no care of where they put their hard-bottom paws. He yipped when his paw was nearly stepped on but the human paid no mind. He hadn't realized how good they had it at the time. Being beneath notice was better than being observed, as he was beginning to realize.

There had been some sort of cage... his memories of this were vague. Distress was the most prominent part. An animal trap that he had not known was a trap at all. But how would he have known? How did he know that now? His head ached with all the thoughts racing through it. Connections being made, pathways being forged.

A whine escaped him. He hadn't even known to enjoy freedom before it was taken away and replaced with captivity.

The room he was in now stank of chemicals and other scientific human scents. He was one of the few things that smelled natural. There were a handful of other creatures. Things he could not have put a name to as a puppy but which he could now identify on sight and scent and sound. A giant tank filled with water held an octopus. A cage near the ceiling with a faux branch within it held a squirrel and he instinctively wanted to chase the frightened animal as it huddled near the top of its enclosure. Other cages, other creatures. A pig, a raven, a raccoon, several rats, a parrot that kept saying "fuck you" to the men and women in lab coats as they came into the room and performed tests. Even a cow, or a calf at any rate.

None of the other animals seemed any more certain of what was going on than he was. None of them seemed at all content with their current lot in life.

He whined unhappily again and one of the lab techs kicked at his cage in irritation. "Shaddup, mutt! No one wants to hear you! You pathetic little-"

"Don't be cruel, Elon. And you're wrong anyway - hearing him speak would be incredible! Just imagine if the process works... if we're able to figure out how to communicate with these creatures..." Another white-coat individual spoke then.

A snort from the first. "Oh yeah I'm sure they'll have amazing things to say. We'll be lucky if they don't go mad like the last batch. At least the group beforehand didn't go into a frenzy - I'm still not positive it was wise to just release those dumb bastards but I guess why keep beating a dead horse... just a whole herd of ignoramuses."

A third scientist chimed in. "Wouldn't their being able to talk get us in trouble? I can't imagine they're happy here. They don't look happy..."

The first laughed darkly. "You're right about that. But we don't have to worry here. Hear me, all you ugly beasties? No one will find you here! You're our playthings to study. You're all supposedly some of the most clever creatures in existence... well, we'll see about that."

"Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!" Screamed the parrot.

The second scientist sighed. "We had the most hope for you, Sam. Your species can already speak words if taught."

The first rattled the cage of the parrot while baring his teeth in a parody of a grin. "Keep it up, you bird bastard. We don't need you alive - we can glean all sorts of information from dissecting your brain."

And so the days went. Only now he was able to easily determine the passage of time. He didn't need to rely on scents fading over time, he was somehow more attuned with the numbers on the clock in the room. And that wasn't the only thing he was able to comprehend. They put screens in front of him and played videos and then put devices in front of him and let him work out what they did - if anything. He was able to match shapes and could recall images he'd seen on the display and more. He watched the raven and the cow play chess. He watched the rats work their way through complicated mazes. He watched the pig demonstrate its memory of how a mirror functioned. He watched the raccoon use its clever hands to access the computer system when the humans weren't paying close enough attention.

He watched the parrot get its neck broken by the cruelest of the scientists, though the others didn't seem perturbed by its sad fate.

That night he felt fear coiling in his belly. The parrot had been the most outspoken of them all but his courage in the face of the antics of the humans had buoyed his spirits that entire time.

all the lights going dark and my hope’s destroyed

Their lives were forfeit if they couldn't - or wouldn't - produce the results the human scientists demanded. They might be destined for death regardless. They could not possibly stay here. But how to escape? He had no idea where they were... how many rooms were outside of theirs? How many levels to this building? Perhaps the racoon knew... it had had a chance to study the schematics of where they were. And the door... could it hold up to a solid kick from the cow?

He felt a brief pang of sorrow for the octopus. Even if the rest of them were able to break free, there would be no hope for it.

Unless outside forces were involved. Individuals with the proper gear to transport an aquatic creature to its rightful home.

They didn't have much of a chance stuck in this room by themselves, trapped within their cages except when they were taken out for testing and injections. But perhaps the racoon could get word out somehow. If some animal rights agency learned of these atrocities...

He got to his paws in the darkness and barked. Some of the others might be sleeping but he knew the racoon kept the nocturnal hours of his species. It was time to see exactly what the other animal knew and could possibly do. Their captivity was going to come to an end, on their terms.

Seeing Double

Convenience Store | Loneliness | “Leave no trace behind, like you don't even exist.”

She never drank.

Okay that wasn't true.

But she never drank like this.

She hadn't lied when she told Spike that him returning was worse on her than the booze but hitting the bottle as hard as she had wasn't doing her any favors either.

It certainly wasn't helping with the knowledge of what brought this ghost back to her door, haunting the sidewalk of her convenience store like he'd never left at all.

His repeated glances at the photograph on the counter stung each time.

Of course he'd be drawn to the image. It was his family, his blood. It was HER family.

The loneliness of the past few years threatened to wash her away.

Spike's return was like a tsunami... crashing ashore and destroying the house of cards she'd built over the past few years.

Spike's death had been brutal. It had left a new Spiegel-sized gap in her heart to pulsate alongside the older wound that another Spiegel man had made.

But something about Mao's reaction to it had given her an impractical hope that she valiantly denied for three years.

Mao's belief in Spike's survival had seemed preposterous. A way to deflect the misery of his passing into something manageable. And that seemed to help Mao even if everyone else gave him looks of pity. Even if Annie herself thought he was crazy to have faith in that desperate hope.

And then things had fallen into a routine much like life always did in the aftermath of tragedy. She moped and did her best to move on. The syndicate itself had seemed to reel from the unexpected loss of one of its star recruits and gradually it seemed like the Dragon was ready to evolve. The bloodshed between rival syndicates wasn't sustainable. There had to be an end.

It did not surprise her that Mao would be one of the capos to advocate for this. It gave him purpose, gave him an end in sight.

And then it got him killed.

Grief rose up, thick and cloying, and she barely managed to gulp down the bile it brought along.

She already regretted giving Spike the information she had. But it was unavoidable. He'd have pestered it out of her sooner or later, he'd always been good at that, and the alcohol had only accelerated the time between his question and her inevitable response. Part of her figured he'd already had an idea of the truth and just needed to hear the words from her lips to be certain. Besides, her place was the best source for ammunition and that was something he'd need in spades.

Had she sent him along to a new death?

Did it matter anyway?

Everyone she ever loved had left her. Violence stole all of her loves. The world was a sick sad place and she was tired, so tired, of watching everyone choose the hard path to Hell.

But what else could she do? She was as tied into the system as anyone else.

Gulping once more to settle her riotous stomach, she reached for the bottle again.

Spike had taken the shot meant for Mao earlier. Fine.

She'd just have to take one for both of those fools now.