My Past - Tumblr Posts

In another world, the younger me was not scared of new beginnings and could talk without feeling uneasy. That young girl was full of love and was loved back in return. She wasn’t anxious or worried about her appearance, she could just live.

I wish I wish I wish….

There was a world where my younger self was less hurt and less anxious

-Sel💜

Remembering the Jekyll and Hyde fan cast in ninth grade

Had Harrison Ford as Jekyll

Can't remember who for Hyde

Hugh Bonneville as Utterson

Bill Murray as Lanyon

And Will Arnett as Poole

Probably one of the better fan casts I've ever done

There’s something about good company that makes me so aware of the lies by bad company

It brings them in swirling and reminds me to never accept treatment like that again

“Gold digger” ex howled as financial manipulation failed and I didn’t feel guilty for her extravagant gift on my way out the door of her life and while she pleaded that “im still welcome to be on the lease” after I broke up with her

“You just can’t handle the bad in the relationship as soon as I started to struggle you left” she yelled as I sat through punched holes in walls screaming crying and refusal to get help but when I started to find happiness outside of her she struggled more because she was losing control of me

“Your too much your lucky I put up with your shit hehe” as I’ve been on a steady incline to build a better and better life without her and she’s had STD scares lost her job for negligence and had unnecessary chaos since I’ve left but I’ve got a job I can cope with and housekeep I’ve got friends I’ve got love community projects and am working on a recipe for a product to get manufactured

“You just don’t love well enough” while my partner has agreed to marry me when I think it’s the right time to ask

People are proud of me for leaving and I’ve got so much rage for her abuse because I’ve had abusive past relationships that I feel like we’re mutually abusive after a point because we were so throughly traumatized with no outlets to heal effectively and needed things neither could give but she had every resource possible to heal and didn’t she simply played the “everyone hates me game” and downplayed severity so she never had to be uncomfortable

And the smear campaigns I found out about post break up aren’t things you do with a conscience

And the rage and disgust I feel with her highlights the love I have for my life it’s the yin yang of it all

I’ve deserved this reality of joy through hard work not knocked down then blamed for bruising