Left Out - Tumblr Posts
Relatable
you know… the feeling of not having someone there for you. feeling lonely. you may have lots of friends but, you never ever feel close to them. you’re always there when they’re hanging out. but all you do is sit and listen. listening to what they are saying, as if you’re having fun with them when you’re really not. you’re just there. to listen to people actually enjoying themselves.
and in order to make yourself feel loved or having some attention for once, you drown yourself in scenarios. having an imaginary friend, living in a imaginary world, where everything you ever wanted was there. someone you’re actually close to. someone you can spend hours in a room with. someone you can sit with and stare into the night sky without sharing any words, just enjoying the silence together.
and of thinking of how you actually feel, makes you cringe. hard. just writing it down or typing it out, makes you look helpless. makes it so — fake. when you don’t feel like sharing so it won’t make you seem like an attention seeker. even though you needed some attention for a while. just a little bit. from someone. anyone. just wanting someone to text you daily. ask you how are you. listen to you when your talk about your interests even if they aren’t into the same things. genuinely enjoy spending time with you. being able to rant to one another without worrying about them judging. sharing small good things that happened with each other.
i just want someone… someone i can tell about my small accomplishments. when something amazing happens to me.
i just want that one person who will never leave my side
every time I accidentally catch them, they look so much happier around them and while talking to them..
and I just can't even watch it, because it makes my heart sink every single time. It feels awful to see that the person they talking with getting everything I have been begging for without them having to ask for it...
I've never been good with reaching out to people but I finally had my group and I thought that I had found my people
But then time after time as soon as there were other people there it was like I didn't exist anymore and I'm so fucking tired
Is it really so selfish of me to want to feel important for once
Like damn I do everything I can for these people and when I haven't reached out in over a week nobody cares
Nothing changes and they move on without me and then when I finally suck it up and go back because I'm a whore for any sort of attention no matter how fleeting they will act like it's just a silly little thing that I did
I can't stand being alone I can't be alone with myself anymore
But they make me feel so goddamn pathetic