Joshua Scenarios - Tumblr Posts
goldleaf
pairing: hong jisoo (joshua) x gender neutral reader
genre: angst, hanahaki au
word count: 1.1k
warnings: no happy ending, mentions of death + implied main character death…eventually, One mention of swearing, unrequited love, the normal hanahaki au things (blood, throwing up, etc.)
author note: um so guess who found out she can actually write angst! it’s written in joshua’s pov the entire time and reader is just kinda in the background (they’re still important though!) also, if you want a lil more info about how i wrote this, check out my reblog! lots of love ♡
masterlist
when joshua sees you with them, he can’t deny that he feels…more than he wishes he did.
he’s sick and tired of the hollowness in his chest but it’s fine. it’ll all be fine once he sees you happy, right? that's what he says to convince himself before looking up at the sky and seeing you in the shape of the clouds and the way the sun hits them and himself.
fuck, he’s in too deep to continue to believe the sorry excuse he’s made up for himself to feel a little better. it never helps anyway, so why keep using it? he lets it go, imagining it fluttering away on a breeze that reminds him way too much of the person always on his mind.
so when the tingling in his throat comes out as petals the same golden like the colour he imagines your soul to be, he isn’t surprised. as he exits the bathroom, he avoids jeonghan’s gaze, promises that he’ll be fine; after all, it’s just a cold—whatever it takes to keep his best friend from worrying. at least he knows his promises won’t be worth much anyway.
he sees you often, your smile as cheery as the flowers haunting him in his dreams and the ones sticking to his lungs, trapped in his chest. he’s alright, he tells himself. he’ll be fine.
he doesn’t go to the doctor. he’s read and seen enough of what’s happening to him, and he knows the choice he’ll have to make if he goes. he knows that the only solution is to forget, but he would never do that. he can’t let go of wandering around in the wheat fields that one summer you two were in the countryside, or the time you laughed and laughed at a joke that wasn’t funny, or when he lost all hope and you were there, making sure he could get back up again and live. if the price of keeping the memories he holds close is death, he’s okay with it.
joshua doesn’t tell his roommates. he knows that jeonghan and seungcheol would drag him to the emergency room against his will, and force him to take the option he’s already decided against. he wouldn’t let them sway him anyway, but it’s easier if they don’t know. however, time seems to choose to leave the bathroom—even when it seems to be going too fast for joshua’s liking these days—when jeonghan finds him hovering over the sink, bloody tissues in his hand and washed petals placed carefully on the side.
the two of them say nothing.
jeonghan leaves, and joshua turns to the mirror above the sink, taking a good look at himself. he wipes off the dried blood on his top lip, noticing nothing else wrong. he doesn’t realize that after he leaves, jeonghan is horrified by the lack of light in his friend’s eyes, the spark he thought would never go out.
jeonghan hasn’t said anything since, lost in his thoughts every time he’s home. seungcheol is freaked out, not understanding the dead silence in the house. he doesn’t know that he’ll have to pay more for rent in…well, however long it takes for joshua’s lungs to finally fill up with your flowers. joshua knows he’s being cruel, but can’t he be allowed to be selfish in his last moments? is that too much to ask for after everything?
he doesn’t approach jeonghan, and instead writes. he writes journal entries in that notebook you got him a few years back, but he never used it because he was too scared to mess up in something you gave him; letters to those he’ll miss. he revises the one for his mother over and over again, crumpling paper like his lungs.
joshua doesn’t try to hide anything from seungcheol. he knows that his housemate’s blank expression means more than what he says. in fact, there is nothing said; their house is a place to rest and eat and nothing else. it’s as if there’s three ghosts, not just a single potential one. joshua sighs, wheezing out more petals. he grabs them hastily, making sure they don’t fall to the ground or worse, onto your letter. he carries them gently in his bloodied hands to the bathroom sink once again, the only companion he seems to have in the past few weeks.
joshua rinses each souvenir of his love one by one, clearing the dark red off before drying them and taking them back to the pile he’s made ever since this started. at first, they were hidden away in a small box on the corner of his desk, so no one would wander in and see them. now, he puts them on his nightstand haphazardly, the dark wood no longer visible under the various shades of yellow and red.
joshua picks up his pen—the expensive one his mom gifted him when he moved away so long ago; he never used it until now. the ink glides smoothly over the clean paper he had taken out earlier. he writes once again.
the only thing he knows how to say now is sorry. he writes it over and over again, signing each letter with the sounds he can barely make in real life, his voice hoarse from the damage done on his throat, and the lack of use.
maybe it’s time for something different? after all, this is for you, and he wants the news to be broken softly. he racks his head for something, anything that he finds good enough to become something real. he drinks the day-old water from the plastic bottle beside him, the familiar taste of blood accompanying it.
he glances at the clock he’s kept beside him since the start, and counts down two seconds; he has no time to waste.
he puts down the words he’s said so often to you that they’ve become a habit but seem to have changed ever since he started throwing up marigolds—a literal reminder of his unrequited love.
it’ll be a bit hard to be there for you when he’s dead, won’t it? joshua doesn’t mind. he never will.
he chuckles dryly, a whole flower falling out. he gets up and repeats his process for the petals before sitting back down.
joshua looks at his handiwork, pausing and adding a few more words before moving his paper to the side, and starting on another letter for his mother.
he stares blearily at the clock again, the red blinking numbers the only comfort he allows himself. it’s a new day.
joshua hopes it’ll finally be his last.
Excuses Excuses
C.(S). Joshua x Reader | WC. 356 | G. Fluff|
11:38 P.M.
He was late, and you? Were annoyed. How late you may ask? Late enough for you to change out of your party dress and into pajamas, and fuzzy socks, complete your skincare and get through more than half a cheesy chic-flick on TV.
As you mindlessly watch the movie, you hear the door lock click open and seconds later a flustered Joshua walks in. Slipping off his shoes he carefully approaches you, fully aware of how delayed his arrival was. He begins to say something, but you cut him off.
“I don’t want to hear any excuses, babe. I’m tired from today.” “But…”. He tries again yet you hold up a hand to silence him and begin to get up from your seat. “I think we sho- “, you’re cut off because Joshua quickly back-hugs’ you and softly starts to sway side to side. “What in the world?”
“Dance with me.” He twirls you around to face him and moves around the living room like it’s a ballroom, music playing softly from the soundtrack of the cheesy movie flick.
Humming along to the tune of the movie, you remain together, in each other’s arms, softly swaying side to side. You lean your head against his chest, your senses heightened by the scent of his cologne and the faint beating of his heart. The song eventually dies down leaving only the sound of dialogue in the distant background.
“I’m sorry for being late, I got so caught up with my schedule,” he whispers, pressing a soft kiss on top of your head.
You hum in acknowledgement, knowing full well that you were never truly angry just a little disappointed. You also knew that he wouldn’t make generic excuses because he too had been looking forward to your date night.
“I’ll let you off this time…” you mumble into his chest. Moving your head back, you look up into his eyes. “You owe me date night tax and two consolation dates.”
His apologetic expression changes into a loving smile. Pressing another kiss, this time to the tip of your nose he agrees with an “Of course my love”.
Sweet Nothing with Shua
pairing: Joshua x reader
tags: angst, fluff at the end, boyfriend Joshua, non-idol!au, mentions of childhood issues and disordered eating
summary: Graduation just got over and you’re all but happy. You watch as each of your friends leaves and as you leave. Change has never been easy for you, especially when it triggers all the instability of your childhood. But there is one person you will always find yourself coming back to- Joshua. After three years of navigating life and university together, he's your home. And now you get to literally come home to his sweet nothings in your new house and your heart will heal itself from the pains of life.
wordcount: 1.9k
a/n: Inspired by the lines "Outside, they're push and shoving, You're in the kitchen humming, All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing" from Taylor Swift's Sweet Nothing.
masterlist | Let me know your thoughts and feedback.
Change, it was a rude temptress. It lures you in with the promise of shiny places, bright lights and adventures. It’s a hoax. It takes you to uncomfortable, odd places with random strangers that make you miss home.
Change takes your closest friends away from you.
Change is the reason you're walking back home on a cold unfamiliar path, toward a driveway you don't immediately recognise and to a house currently filled with cardboard boxes.
Life had turned around in less than a month's time. You'd known it would change, you had all been preparing for it. Yet none of you were ready for the real thing. Even when you had sat through every packing session with your friends-some packing things into a suitcase, some in cardboard boxes, talking through a million memories and making promises of holding on.
You watched as your friend group, the one that had fit perfectly like pieces of a puzzle slowly began drifting away. Except now each of you carried a part of the others' pieces too. Some moving seas away, some moving just far enough that it still feels like uncharted territory.
You had told yourself you would be brave about this. You would not let this affect you and trigger all the childhood issues attached to it. For the most part, you held onto your words. You'd cleared your dorm and moved bunches of cardboard boxes to a new and unfamiliar place. You had said your greetings to unfamiliar faces, in a stiff outfit at your new place of work. You said goodbyes to two of your closest friends at the airport in the span of a week, without breaking into a single tear.
But the emotional baggage had come out in other ways. In a cowardly move, you began pushing away your boyfriend. The one you had moved in with just weeks ago. The same boyfriend who had helped you through multiple hard times in the three years of university, all with his polite smile and kind heart. The very thought of his kindness made you hurt with guilt. He did not deserve the pain you were putting him through, especially when you both were supposed to be celebrating this fresh and beautiful chapter of your relationship. That is why you stop five steps in front of the new apartment that now belonged to the two of you, looked at his car in the driveway and decided to turn back and take another walk around the block. You needed to clear your head so that you could stop hurting him.
Shua watches from the kitchen window as you turn around and walk away. He leans back on the cabinet and rubs his eyes with his hands. He has tried everything to comfort you and give you the space you needed. He understands that this has been a hard time for you, it has been for him too. He's had to say his own goodbyes and adjust to new places too.
Joshua understands better than anyone else just how hard this might be for you. He also knows that he can't make this right or tell you to process your emotions in a different way. But it is breaking his heart to see you hurt yourself in the process. He's been waiting for a whole week to hear you say more than three words at once. He has had to sit in front of you and watch you refuse every bite of food for a week and it breaks a piece of him every time.
He has been trying his best to help you, from beside and from afar. It felt unfair to him too but he knows this has been triggering all the issues from your childhood and your pushing him away had nothing to do with your relationship at the moment.
Joshua sighs another time, he should not let himself get sucked in his insecurities too. He knows you will come back to him, he knows you will tuck yourself into his arms in sleep like you do every night. And he knows he will pull himself away before you wake up so that you don't feel more guilty than you already do. Till your guilt and pain are ready to be let out, Joshua will wait on the sidelines and remind you that he is still there and your life will continue.
The smell. That is the first thing you notice when you enter the house an hour after deciding to walk around the block. You got sidetracked at the park and ended up staring at trees as you processed everything. You now felt it all but also felt too numb. The emotions and thoughts had gotten too much and you desperately needed to cry in the comfort of your home. That's why you walked back to find Joshua.
You still remember the first time you let yourself cry in his arms after a very painful call with your dad and how he'd held you delicately through it all. He was the first person you had cried in front of since your parent, and it felt good. To finally be held as you broke down, to be reminded that you aren't entirely broken. It felt like home when he hugged you so tight that your heart healed itself.
With tears brimming in your eyes as you look around the dimly lit house, unable to move from the doorstep, the smell gets to you. It smelt like chocolate and flour. You couldn't quite place the smell but you knew someone had baked something and something had definitely burnt at least once. You looked around the living room but all you could hear was a faint hum.
You walked toward the kitchen and a silhouette came into view. Joshua standing, with his back to you, working on something on the counter as hums a song like an angel. He was wearing your old pastel pink apron around his waist, you could see multiple stains on his plain white t-shirt. You smiled as you saw how ruffled his hair was and there was definitely flour on the strands. The smile on your face forms automatically and so do the tears.
It hits you in a wave, the realisation that no matter how hard everything else in the world gets, and how many things change, Shua is here in your shared kitchen, humming as he tries his best to bake you muffins. That's all you need. That's everything he needs- the sweet nothings. The whole world can push you and hurt you, but you'll find yourself in Shua's arms, doing nothing and feeling the joy of everything.
The tears are now pouring like a monsoon rain down your cheeks and you take three big steps before tapping him on the shoulder.
Shua is startled by the sudden tap on his shoulders and he turns with the whisk still in his hands from the mess of a muffin he was desperately trying to make- for the second time that evening. He's even more surprised when he sees you pull him into an embrace. He stays still hands open wide, a whisk dripping chocolate sauce in one hand, as he watches you hold to him so tight he could barely breathe. He stayed still, feeling your sniffs against his chest, your tears soaking up his shirt.
Shua moves very slowly to place his hand around you such that he is cradling your head. He rubs circles on your scalp as you lean into him further and cry your heart out. His heart clenches as he cannot bear to see you so worn down and hurt, but another part of him is glad you chose to come back to him and let out your emotions. Shua understands that with love comes a lot of pain and he cannot expect it all to be gone just because the two of you are in love. All he wants is for the two of you to always come running back to the other when everything and everyone else makes life hard.
You cry till you can't physically anymore. The two of you stay there the entire time, unsure of the time. After you broke out into full-blown sobs, you feel tear drops dampen your hair, you know Shua was tearing up too. He always did. Neither of you could stand the other crying.
So you both stayed there, crying out the pain- the pain of growing up, of moving on, of letting go, of facing your demons, of looking at the start of your life, of an uncertain future and the fear of losing. Shua and you held each other through the fears, a promise to hold on and help each other heal. To hold each other through the storms, the soul deconstructors and through the trials and tribulations of life.
You finally feel lighter and pull yourself back to see his face. Shua is already looking down at you with his sweet smile and eyes that light up your soul. his hair is messy with flour tangled between strands and you finally notice the whisk that has been dripping chocolate sauce all over the kitchen floor and is thoroughly drenched in your tears and chocolate stains.
"Hi." Your voice comes out in a croak and both of you end up cracking up.
"Hello to you too ma'am." He says, his honey-like voice filling up the cracks of your heart.
"You're making something?" You ask feigning innocence as he gives you an embarrassed smile scratching his hair.
"I was trying to bake muffins."
You let out a small smile, "For me?"
He nods and you feel your eye tear up a little more. Shua's eyes widen with worry.
"Babe no. Don't cry. I can clean this all up and maybe we can order real muffins. Or whatever you need. Please don't cry again, my heart can't take it. And your eyes will certainly not be able to take anymore crying." He says in such a state of pure fright and panic that it endears you wholly.
You shake your head, laughing. "No Shua I am not crying don't worry."
"Thank god."
"But I think we should try to salvage these muffins and clean the kitchen." He nods looking around the mess he has made.
"And maybe you should change your t-shirt first." You say as you try your best not to stare at his drenched shirt, sticking to him in all the right places.
Shua smirks, "Oh why babe, is it tempting you?" He asks knowing full well the answer.
You roll your eyes as a blush creeps up your cheeks, "Oh, please it's nothing new."
He hums and strokes a finger across your cheek, "Uh-huh. Is that why you're red as a tomato."
You mock glare at him and pull away from his touch. "If that's how you want to play it, then I'm gonna leave you to clean this mess on your own." He groans. "And, you will sleep on the couch tonight." You add and he looks terribly scared now that it makes you grin.
"Alright alright, let's order good food, clean this up and head to bed." He says and pulls you into an embrace which you graciously acept.
"Thank you." You hear him murmur and look up at his face questioningly at him.
"For coming back to me." He says with a sweet smile and you lean forward to kiss him in response.
As if you would go anywhere but home.
joshua reading list / fic recs !
don't forget to like + reblog the fics that you like to support the authors <3
navigation
FICTS ! ✧*
Hoax (smut, angst, mafia!shua, strangers to lovers) by @lovelyhan
Isohel (modern royalty au, prince!shua, smut, angst) by @toruro
Eyes Meeting, Hearts Apart (mild angst, prince!shua, smut) by @lovelyhan
Mr. Nice Guy (smut, neighbor!shua) by @toruro
Under The Rose (fluff, smut, frenemies childhood to lovers, kinda historical au) by @just-come-baek
Honeyduke Lovers (hogwarts au, unrequited love, hufflepuff!shua x slytherin!reader. yep this is the story of how slytherin becomes undyingly soft for hufflepuff) by @http-mianhae
Steamy (smut, next door neighbor!shua) by @duhnova
written by @onlyhuis :
Cranberry Concoctions (smut, a little angst & fluff, 1920s, prohibition au)
Leaning on The Everlasting Arms (angst, smut, some fluff, bible college au)
Fine Line (fluff, smut, angst, figure skater!shua) by @heartkyeom
Prove it, You Won't (fluff, angst, humor, tattoo artist au) by @leejungchans
Oceans and Engines (fluff, exes to lovers, a lil' angst) by @renjunphile
Lover Boy (regency era romance, commoner!shua x aristocrat fem!reader, historical drama) by @starlightxsvt
Gentleman (angst, fluff, sugar daddy au) by @starlightxsvt
Wildest Dreams (bestfriends to lovers, fluff, humor) by @viastro
The Type (smut, fluff, college boyfriend!shua) by @bitchlessdino
Your Gentleman (smut, camboy!shua) by @wonwussy
Fighting for Your Love (smut, threesome ft. jeonghan) by @rubyreduji
Half Past Five High The Series (ft. mingyu, smut, angst, minor fluff, rich people au, love triangle, cheating. supermodel!gyu, photographer!shua x influencer fem!reader) by @multi-kpop-fanfics
Paint Me Numbers (fluff, shallow angst, guitarist/bandmate!shua) by @chocosvt
Domino (fluff, crack, smut) by @universecorp
Nasty (smut, fluff) by @soonigiri
Menace (smut) by @jeonghantis
You're All That Matters (fluff, bf!shua) by @heartsfromia
Be My Date (fluff, minor angst) by @heartsfromia
Mine (smut) by @luxekook
Meant for Each Other (fluff, soulmate au) by @slytherinshua
Golden Hour (best friends to lovers, fluff, slice of life, summer vacation au) by @dkfile
An Interview with An Angel (meet cute, fluff, reporter!shua) by @hannyoontify
Our Fairytale (smut, fluff) by @zuhacore
DRABBLES / SCENARIOS ! ✧*
at every table, i'll save you a seat (fluff) by @suhnshinehaos
bad habits (exes with benefits, smut, mild angst) by @lovelyhan
pretty when you cry (smut) by @cheolhub
quiet time (smut) by @number1mingyustan
acouasm (smut) by @angelwoozi
when you can't sleep but shua is right next to you (fluff, comfort) by @wonwoonlight
one-up (smut) by @sluttywonwoo
golden boy's mercy (smut) by @bitchlessdino
17. 12 (smut) by @lovelyhan
14. 13 (smut) by @toruro
after a long day (smut) by @sevngmin148
title (fluff, established relationship, ceo) by @leejungchans
relax (fluff, smut, established relationship) by @playmetheclassics
shower (fluff) @husbandhannie
stay up (fluff) by @bitterie-sweetie
about you : valentine's special (fluff, angst, friends to lovers) by @shuawonie
fruit (smut) by @onlyseokmins
i love you, always (fluff, comfort) by @monnn
10.32 (fluff, bf!shua) by @elysianeclipxe
clingy (fluff) and smitten (fluff) by @slytherinshua
we won't change because we're engraved in each other's heart (fluff) by @wooahaes