Im In Too Deep - Tumblr Posts
Villains of our own story.
Loving so deeply is so painful.
Damn ears burning pussy throbbing…is this love y’all I think it’s love
I wanted to come on here and rant and cry over a couple of things. And first of it’s not the cursed memes because they make me feel better.
Im literally sitting in bed minding my own business, looking at pictures of my favorite anime characters and go “wow if only they existed so I can save myself the from all these hoes on Tinder.” The fact that after I say this my heart breaks a little😀. Like I’m sitting here crying about how my favorite anime characters don’t exist and how much it fucking hurts because I love them so much. The fact that my Anime Characters are literally light years better than the men where I’m from🥲. Like no wonder I can’t get a boyfriend, simply because my standards of men are so significantly high that it’s impossible for me to find a guy with any common decency.... LIKE MY STANDARDS ARENT EVEN THAT HIGH!!! ITS LITERALLY THE BARE MINIMUM!!! All they want is sex and I’m over here in my corner like..... “relationship please.” And guys are like..... Ew gross............
So in other words I think I’ve given up.....
So Kuroo, Kise, Daiki..... heck if any of the anime men on my simp list are reading this.... please come pick me up..... I’m tired of this bullshit
When the 3 AM Inspiration Hits :D
Maybe it’s the way I feel my soul crave for your existence, but I can’t help but look for your eyes at every passerby on the street
Hoping that it’s you I’ll run into.
I feel the way my heart beats
For anyone at this point in my life
Hoping that the person it beats for
Is you.
I can’t help but read every romance novel
Feeling as though it is us in another lifetime
Where our love is obvious on paper,
Easily read in between the lines of
Onyx and ivory.
I can’t help but feel jealous
At these romantic stories,
Whether they are on a page or in real time
Because maybe they found their other half
Before I did?
Or maybe it’s because they found someone who can fill the void till they meet their other half.
I’m greedy to want you in my life
Especially right now
When I know for a fact things wouldn’t work out the way I would like them.
I know I have to patient to meet you
To be able to love you.
That our story will happen when the time is right.
I know that you’re one step ahead of me,
Also waiting patiently to meet me.
To love me as much as would I love you.
I can’t help but be worried though.
Whether you’re out there still, alive and doing well.
Or if the horrors of our world have taken you to paradise among the stars where you belong.
It’s sad that the stories I read are about feeling, knowing, and loving their soulmates.
I wish that was a world we lived in because I so badly want to know your face, trace my eyes over your features and burn them to memory. Get to know the name that falls from my lips like exquisite honey. I want to know the person behind those mysterious eyes that I can’t picture.
Do you like to read?
Are you a nerd?
What’s your favorite season?
What’s your favorite type of weather?
How do you like your coffee in the morning?
Are you as obsessive as I am?
Are you as ambitious and independent as I am, but have a desire to be with me at all hours of the day?
As silly and simple as those questions are… I have so many more I want answered.
I have the guttural desire to know who you are
And where I can find you.
So I look and scour this earth trying to find you.
I look in places where I least expect you to be…
Like in friends, strangers, dating apps….
I say it’s to pass the time, but really…
A deeper part of my being is hoping to find you there…
I’m naive, knowing that you’re out there not at all doing what I’m doing…
But I’d be lying to myself and a hypocrite if I said that you weren’t doing the same as I am…
Trying to find you, and bring you, us home.
I crave for the days that will brighten when you’re by my side, waking up to the morning sun shining down on our faces.
I crave for your touch that ignites and relaxes my body, your favorite instrument to play.
One you know all too well as you trace your hands over me to play your favorite siren song.
I crave the day that our eyes finally meet and we both sigh in relief that we have found the ‘one’.
I crave for the day that I’m not the sole poet, and that you have created a sonnet from your heart dedicated to me.
I crave for the rainy days that storm down on our house of comfort,
Instead of running away and it breaking us down,
You grab my hand as we run out the door from the safety of our house and then we make out in the rain.
Not caring if the whole world was watching us.
I crave for the day that we sit inside of a pillow fort of our making as we laze around basking in each other’s presence because
it’s enough.
I crave for the day that we are able to love each other and make memories that are so far ahead of us.
I crave for the day I find you,
My other half. Who was made by the gods themselves,
To treasure, adore, spoil and love me.
So I will continue in my conquest… going through different lovers hoping to find you in this life.
Crushing on people who most likely aren’t you.
Just hoping for the off chance that it is.
I dread the thought that I’ve crossed paths with you, as it wasn’t our time yet or the off chance that it just wasn’t meant to happen in this lifetime.
But if I’m right about that,
Then I will see you when my time is up.
I will cherish and hold you with so much vigor we won’t be apart again in our next life.
My body craves our love, that only my soul would know, recognize and covet.
My heart yearns for the warmth that only your love would thaw and bring it buzzing to life again.
I would say it’s a miracle that if you are dead that you don’t know of my ability to see, feel, and hear spirits.
And if you did, and only didn’t haunt me because you didn’t want to burden me with that fact alone, then fuck you!!
Because at least I would have closure.
It would be so much easier with the fact that I know that you are dead, that you would be patiently waiting till I’ve lived my life to the fullest while mourning for you.
Because it’s easier knowing where and who you are and what happened to you,
Than wondering the what ifs,
wondering who you are
Wondering where you are
If you’re out there
Like me
Wishing
That you
Would just appear
And tell me that everything
Is going to be okay because I
Have you on my side and that nothing is going
To break us apart. Not in this life or the next.
Every person I date from here on out, will be a lesson I learn,
So that when I eventually find you, I will know how to cherish, trust, communicate, and love you, like how I know you deserve.
I know you will do the same for me.
When our souls eventually meet, it will feel like coming home. It will be like breathing in the first fresh air of spring. It will feel as though our worlds have collided in the most unlikely of ways, but when looking back on the moment it would make the most sense to us. We will love each other for all our demons and faults. We will love each other for all our happiest moments and for good days. A perfect Yin-Yang of messy and pure love.
We will stand for and with each other every step and turn. Devoted to one another.
I do not have the pleasure of knowing who you are yet.
But my soul loves and misses you. Whoever, whomever and wherever you are, and I can’t help but wish and pray that you’re doing okay and holding up without me. I hope that you hold out and look for me a little longer because I will find, and come home to you soon. My dearest sweet love.
My other half,
My one true soulmate.
Lmao It’s Been A While
Dear college freshman and sophomore me,
Remember the guy you had a major crush on and never talked to him because you were so nervous every time you saw him? The guy you would see at the student union looking all fine and smart minding his own business and just couldn’t help but want to get to know him? Yeah? Well…. Gurl…. He’s not worth it and is a major disappointment because the man is dry asf and is not the standard… he may look cute but do not waste your time.
We finally had our first relationship after years of being single from the ex from high school that traumatized us!! (Btw your bisexual). Look, it may have hurt us deeply, but we learned from it. It gave a us a new perspective on our first relationship and we learned about what WE truly wanted in a relationship. We learned about what we want when it comes to dating and getting into a relationship. I’m proud to say that we are able to say when enough is enough and stand up for ourselves. It was a great relationship, with many beautiful memories and you learn a lot from it. I don’t regret it, but it doesn’t end up hurting you in the end.
You have the greatest friends!! They were there through everything. They helped you when you felt lost, they were there when you had a panic attack for the first time in months, they were there to lift you up when you were down. They were there to support you in absolutely everything and I couldn’t be more thankful that they are in my life. They give you courage and confidence in our decisions, wishes, and dreams!! Heck you even reconnected with your longest friend after a year of no talking because you thought that she would leave you is she found out you were bisexual!! You couldn’t have more more wrong because she supports you and she’s so happy to see how confident you are in yourself!! That’s right baby me!! We are confident now😎 plus you are in such a better place than you have ever been in your life!! Your happy and making memories with the people you love and cherish!! Heck I got high last night with all of our friends and went to the zoo and it was the best experience!!
Also remember the one guy your ex friend did a show with and how she told you all this shit about him and ended up hating him for it? Well… you ended up working on a musical with him and you hated him even more!! But that’s not the point. You both ended up being in the same class… and that my friend, is where it all began. So who would’ve ever thought you would have a fat crush on the guy that you hated? We have read by far too many fanfics. Btw nothing has come out of it, except moments that make me question whether or not he’s being flirty or just a good friend, but let me tell you… it’s worth it. Liking him as been one of the most fun experiences because he treats you differently than does with others in his life. He genuinely cares about us. He has defended you to professors, your fake wife (hi Daisy🥺🫶), your close friends, ect… he has given us advice, he has calmed us down when we are angry and stressed. He literally threatened us that he would come take care of us himself if we didn’t take better care of ourselves when we were sick. He is able to read us like a fucking book and that makes us so happy. We don’t have to say a single word because he will say “what happened? Talk to me,” and we do!! Man do we talk. We have talked about so many different things, and each one I cherish because he is just as grateful to have me in his life like how much I’m grateful that he’s in mine. Whether this ends up becoming romantic or friendly, it doesn’t matter because we have gained someone in our life that makes us happy.
And now on to the star of this saga. You, me and Us. I’m so proud of us. We made it to 22, and who would’ve thought that. We’ve had it hard, life coming at us and throwing curve balls left and right, hiking up mountains and valleys to get where we are and look at us!! We were able to write a full 10 minute script that our professor loved!! We even designed the program that presented our class and everyone loved it!! But the biggest accomplishment was the fact that we are officially an actor!! We preformed in our first main stage theatre production as the main lead for a show that has never been produced before!! On top of that we got nominated to compete for the Irene Ryan this upcoming KACTF!! lol at us go!! All those late nights memorizing lines that ended up being 96 pages was all worth it. We also have made so many new friendships and connections through this experience. We are finally growing up into the person we hoped we’d be! Look how far we’ve come and this is just the beginning because now you’re trying to write a book and man am I having fun with it!!
Everything you’ve gone through led us to where we are now!! I know it was hard in the beginning, but I’m so proud of you for holding on!! And I’m so proud of us for how far we’ve come. Goodbye for now little me. I’ll update you in a few years!!
Sincerely,
Me😘🥰💕🫶
Another spurt of Inspiration:
Hi again.
I thought I would be done after the first letter to you, but I guess not. I miss you. More than ever. I don’t know who you are and that’s killing me more than ever right now. I know I’m my heart our time will come, but I can’t help but feel this way. I watched a drama recently, so maybe that’s why my soul is longing for you more than ever right now. The most beautiful sunrise peered right outside my window this morning and I couldn’t help but think of you. The way the beautiful golden gleams of the sun warmed my face felt as though your hand was there. I hope you feel the same when you see the sunrise this morning wherever you may be. The person I have yet to meet.
“Even if you forget the person in your mind, the soul will never forget the memories.” This was a quote from the drama I watched. I couldn’t help but think that this applies to us? Don’t you think? We made memories in a past life and our soul will remember each other in this one when we cross paths eventually. The day we finally meet can’t come soon enough. I used to think that life was monochrome. A life of blacks, whites and grays, but now life seems to be a little bit brighter. Maybe when we meet my life will become even brighter, colors that will be more vibrant than they are now. Someone asked me once if I ever wanted to go to the past to change anything, would I? My answer initially was no, and it still is. Yet, I can’t help but feel as though my Nader has changed some. Perhaps if you, my soulmate, we’re in my past and something happened to you, then I would. I would try desperately to change our fate…but I guess no one can do that. I hope your day today is a little bit brighter than yesterday, and that the beautiful sun shines down on your face, giving you the warmth I can’t right now. I hope the rain will cool you off when I can’t. I hope the beautiful bright moon will watch over you when you dream of me, and that your wishes come true with every star you wish upon. I’m always thinking of you wherever you may be, and I’ll be here waiting for your return. I just know the day we finally cross paths, will be the day we say “I’m finally home.” Just hold on and wait for me a little longer. I’ll see you when stars allow it. Until then, smile brightly like the sun and dream soundly so I can meet you there. I love you.
Sincerely,
Your soulmate
I absolutely love how I’m minding my business in my room ,watching up on some YouTube to relax. This video pops up on my feed that is titled “The Problem With Modern Love.” I click on it, expecting it to be about popular takes about love that I’ve heard over and over again by many different people. To tell y’all how genuinely surprised I was, is a complete understatement. I don’t know who this man is in the video, but he is so eloquent and explains his point of with so much passion and care that I was blown away. I will not lie, I think this video just completely solidified the fact that I 100000% find intelligence, passions and being themselves are 3 of the most attractive qualities that a person can have.
Oh and here’s the link to the video if you’re curious https://youtu.be/AnEtus9XNws?si=rtyUym_CGzuyTMMH
