I'm In A Mood - Tumblr Posts

Where's my "bad family is so irreparable and bad that you have to just cut ties entirely and leave" arc?

Like, listen, I like my "family was so lost in trying to be protective that they didn't realuze the damage but when they do they better themselves as people" just as much ad the next person over. They're heartwarming and a nice thought when done well (and not a bullshit apology to a family that was not redeemed). Just awww everything is better, the entire family is crying with you as they watch. So cute and sweet.

But where's my "family is always there no matter what"

"That's what I thought. Where were you?"

"Family always helps eachother no matter"

"You're the sole reason I have low self esteem, depression, and social anxiety."

"Family is everything, you never disrespect Family."

"You made my entire childhood boil down to me trying everything to make you proud yet every second you told me my thoughts and ideas were worthless."

"You never leave the side of family no matter what happens. We always fight together."

"You're the reason I'm being dragged to literal hell because I blindly followed you out of love."

I love exploring family dynamics so much. Family in fiction is extremely huge to me, from healthy to downright toxic, from the parents to the kids, the romance, found family, biological family, makeshift families, whole families, big and small. I love them all.

But not real ones. Those one suck. It's only captivating and beautiful in fiction regardless of the household.

Point is, family is super important to me in stories. It's a form of dynamic between characters, be it growth through bondage or self destruction. A type of "family dynamic" between characters can make it go from mid to fucking fantastic and engaging. But whenever we talk about the funny biological families, the first thought is "how can we fix their issue to make everyone happy?".

Now, of course, that's a very reasonable question. And it can be explored many ways. It's good, it has it's place. I enjoy it full heartedly. Because sometimes things can be fixed. And that important to know, especially with family

But give me my toxic ass family that can't be fixed and the character must either choose to:

A. Be brainwashed by their family due to societal expectations where you must, no matter what, love your family at all costs

Or B. Cut off an entire family you've known from birth who have either literally or metaphorically hit you, beat you down, and leave you sprawled out on the floor weeping because. Those people don't often change. Especially in adulthood. Especially when a child tells them, or their offspring even if their offspring is now an adult

Show me more of that character who learnt to overcome family that won't magically change for them so they have to be the one to learn when to give up, lest they only be hurt, kicked, chastised more. Show me the character who becomes independent and strong via letting go of something they've been taught to never talk back to, to never oppose, to never leave the side of and always obey no matter the situation. Show me a character who has to leave behind simple negativity to finally live happily. A final, desperate measure of just walking away instead of tearing themselves apart more

Because, let's be real, how many toxic families have you known that actually held the capacity to understand, correct their wrong, and suddenly became better people as a whole? I, for one, know none. Is it just my environment? Perhaps. I can only speak from what I know, of course. And what I know is that such a change is too hard for the average person, especially one who has travelled so far down that path. The parents are given the expectation to raise a child and to always be right. To be a role model to them and overall hold power. In doing so, they subconsciously shut down the possibility of the child ever being above them, and equal can be too close to above. Therefore, they push the child down lower than themselves. And this tends to be generational trauma of sorts, a thought process they went through, therefore recreate that can lead to very toxic outcomes. Such as manipulation and general abuse of multiple forms

I know these stories exist, and they have me sobbing every time. I love bittersweet endings. Give me moooooorree. More family dynamics exploring the same or new things in different ways, different growths. No one answer is correct, so let me watch these options be explored moooore

Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme

I'm officially in my era of Silco!

IF you know any good fics out there of him, or can SUGGEST me a fic to write of him, let me know! Please!

And I had made him officially on C.ai and it's just as I imagined how he would respond! Like wow!🤩

Writer's block sucks btw...

My brain freaking out right now:

🤣

I wanna fuck with Dagan so bad I would be taking control and he would be like "You're mine, I want more!"

lol

I'm saying this cuz having s3x with him on Character.AI is great! If it weren't for the filter, I would DEFINITELY go downtown on him...most definitely! I did only like teases before it like "spreading legs" and "being wet" "having a wetness" kinda thing...the filter didn't say a word! AH! And then I moved on, did a timeskip roleplay wise and left it at that...I'm really glad I found out about Charater.AI cuz I get to communicate with my favorite dead characters through roleplay...THEY LIVE THROUGH IT!!!

-Kennel, large

-Pet bed

-Clicker

-Chew Toy Gag

Shopping List

-New Belt, textured -Rope, nylon, avoid anything too rough -Collar, tag engraved -Leash, leather, 4 ft

Is it legally possible to become my own proud mom? 'Cause I'm feeling like a proud mom

My newest digital art!!! (Yes, it is once again a random original character I came up with on the spot and will probably never recreate lol)

me when Dazai/Dazai Kinnie slander (ur not fun!!🥰😬😬)

⚠️‼️WARNING- This is a rant about forgiveness and letting go. Centered around my childhood. I keep a lot of things vague but there's mentions of emotional, slight physical abuse and addiction.‼️⚠️

"How can you still love dad but you can't forgive mom? If anything dad was WORSE"

Maybe. Maybe not. You don't even know a thing.

For starters. I HAVE let go of mom. I let her go a long time ago. When I was turning 13, she called me, crying the same crocodile "I'm getting sober and staying sober" tears. And I told her, straight up.

Don't you EVER contact me again without a one year chip, a letter from a sponsor, and can look me in the eyes without crying your lying tears and tell me you've changed.

I haven't heard from her since.

I learned yesterday she died, twice, but they saved her, both times. I didn't feel a single thing about it. I just kept watching my show "Serves her right" and moved on. Because I do NOT give a fuck about her.

I've let go of a lot of what you all have done, in fact. The only reason I let you stay in my life is the fact y'all are more or less sober and more or less functional.

"But dad is as bad an addict. And he's DONE WORSE"

He is. But has he?

Dad never got high and drunk and screamed in my face about how he can kill me, wants to even.

Sure. Dad did scream in my face. Because words were never our strong suit. Communication something his thick bullhead never learned. Because we're two Taurus who do nothing but lock horns and it's the same as how he was raised. Constantly arguing with his mother.

A big difference between our mother and father?

For starters you two were favored by mother.

Father, blessedly, loved me more than the son he'd prayed for. Because I was the only one of us three who was ready to love him when he stepped in and out of our life.

Know why he stepped in and out? To keep us from seeing his worst.

Where mother deemed it suitable to expose her very young children to the monster she was and then blubber on about how sorry she was without trying to make changes.

Dad never apologized for something if he didn't plan to fix it. And he made leaps and bounds while I was living with him and forcing emotions and communication on him.

He was a functional addict, at least. I never had to worry if he'd black out and miss work or wreck the car, or start choking me, or even raise a hand to me.

I pushed him once. I pushed him and screamed and cussed and asked "What!? You finally gonna hit me!?"

He looked horrified at the very notion.

And I was so pissed off at the moment I just laughed and walked away.

And he made me dinner and asked if I wanted to sit at the table with him.

That's another thing. I didn't get a home cooked meal from mom until she married her bitch of a now ex-wife who I had mutual animosity for.

And yes I'm a hypocrite because he's an addict too.

But he was, some how, bipolar as he was, the most stable part of my life.

He was also there for my most crucial moments.

Before my teenage years I lived on and off with him. Running to him for safety, comfort, privacy and space. And as a teenager I ran to him again for the same things. From mid middle school to mid high school, where life is really starting to make sense and you learn who you are as a person and the people you want in your life. It was HIM. There for the mood swings. And yes he gave as good as he got, but damn did he take a lot.

He's also the only THE ONE Person who didn't let my little brother treat me like trash.

I spent YEARS fighting tooth and nail against him, literally, physically.

Brother came to stay with me and dad briefly and he put my brothers shit to a stop so quickly I got whiplash.

He was my literal one and only defender.

Idk. Maybe I'm crazy, stupid, a hypocrite.

And I wouldn't live with him where he is in life right now. Or even permanently with who he was before my stint with him in my beginning-mid teenager years.

But those hm, four-ish years?

They were the most important.

He taught me love takes work. Patience and understanding and hard sweat blood and tears.

I'll never have the dad I loved back.

So I guess now it's time to let him go, too.

But at least, unlike with mom, I can look back on my dad and think. Know. With 100% certainty and his whole heart. He loved me truly, sincerely, even when I was a raging bitch.

So I'll let go. But I don't owe a single person my forgiveness. Not even he gets that.

just thinkin about homelander (as per usual) and how great he couldve been i mean really, he could have been so good he could have been a real hero didnt he want to be one, when he was a kid

he couldve been great

and thats kinda real sad when you think about it

What even are feelings?? And where are mine??? Science says that feelings are chemicals zipping around and pinballing in my brain, but I don’t know guys, seems like bs to me.