Gotham Incorrect Quotes - Tumblr Posts
gotham incorrect quotes (includes gobblepot) mainly made using scatterpatter
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Oswald: *watching Jim sleep*
Oswald: look at him. I love him. He's my everyth-
Jim: *snores*
Oswald: I can't live like that.
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Jim: i lost the job.
Harvey, sighing: what did you do this time?
Jim: Loeb pointed a pencil at me and said 'there's an idiot at the end of this pencil'
Jim: so I asked which end.
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Harvey: treat spiders the way you want to be treated.
Jim: killed without hesitation.
Harvey: no.
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Jim, raising his fists: fight me
Oswald, standing behind Jim, softly shaking his head: *mouths* do not
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Barbara: who's the scariest person you've ever encountered?
Oswald: Jim.
Oswald: it's terrifying how dumb he is.
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Oswald: compliment me
Jim: you have eyes
Oswald: nice
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Jim: in my defense, i was left unsupervised
Barnes: wasn't Harvey with you?
Harvey: in my defense, i was also left unsupervised
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Jim: i beg your pardon?
Oswald: then beg.
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Jim: *gets down on one knee*
Oswald: oh my god it's finally happening
Jim: *falls over*
Oswald: the poison is kicking in
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Oswald: look, I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Jim a little bit
Victor, holding Oswald's notepad: you doodled your wedding invitation.
Oswald: no, that's our joint tombstone.
Victor: my mistake.
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Harvey, waking up after getting knocked out: where are we?
Jim: in trouble.
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Jim: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?
Oswald: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-
Harvey: Smad.
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Harvey: I trust Jim.
Barnes: You think he knows what he's doing?
Harvey: I wouldn't go that far.
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Jim: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?
Harvey: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house.
Jim: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.
Harvey: Good thinking.
(Part 2)
still gotham incorrect quotes (still includes gobblepot) thanks to scatterpatter's incorrect quotes generator
Ed: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?
Harvey: The car takes a screenshot.
Jim: For the last time, shut the fuck up.
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Ed: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?
Jim: You’re a hazard to society
Harvey: And a coward. Do twenty.
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Jim: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.
Harvey: The cow???
Jim: What?
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Harvey: if Jim and I were drowning, who would you save?
Ed: you two can’t swim?
Harvey: it’s a hypothetical question, Nygma! who would you save?
Ed: my time and effort.
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Jim: You have to apologize to Harvey
Oswald: Fine.
Oswald: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.
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Jim: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it
Harvey: Just rip the bandage off.
Jim: It’s Oswald.
Harvey: Put the bandage back on.
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Harvey: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.
Jim: Harvey no.
Ed: Mistlefoe.
Jim: Please stop encouraging him.
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Oswald: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives
Jim: I wake up at 4:30 AM
Oswald:
Oswald: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives
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Jim: Where are you going?
Oswald: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there
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Harvey: Whaddya call a fish with no eye?
Ed, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons
Harvey:
Harvey: fsh
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Oswald: You love me, right, Jim?
Jim: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.
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Jim: So that’s my plan.
Oswald: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don’t want to sound mean.
Jim: No, go ahead, I want to hear it.
Oswald: It fucking sucks.
Jim: That’s not constructive criticism.
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Harvey: That’s one of my biggest fears. Like, if I ever woke up as a donut...
Jim: You would eat yourself?
Harvey: I wouldn’t even question it.
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Oswald: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.
Jim: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions of the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.
Oswald: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.
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Jim: You're right.
Oswald: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?
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Lee: quick, what's your type?
Jim: anyone who'll take me, honestly
Lee, desperately, as Jim bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE
Jim: Oh! B positive.
Lee: DONT TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE
Jim:
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Barnes, addressing the precinct: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.
Jim: But – that’s just a trash can.
Barnes: It sure is!
(Part 3)
gotham incorrect quotes (pt. 3) (includes gobblepot) (using scatterpatter's incorrect quotes website)
Ed: Here's some advice
Oswald: I didn't ask for any
Ed: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me
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Jim: Harvey was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some.
Harvey: Well, they shouldn’t say “all you can eat” if they don’t mean it.
Jim: Harvey, you ate a chair.
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Jim: Is something burning?
Oswald: Just my love for you.
Jim: Oswald, the toaster is on fire.
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Jim: It’s dark in here
Harvey: Don’t worry pal I got this
Harvey: *Stomps his feet*
Harvey: *Skechers light up*
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Ed: I'm a reverse necromancer.
Jim: Isn't that just killing people?
Ed: Ah, technicality.
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Oswald: i'm back!
Ed: what- you can't be here. You died. I saw you die.
Oswald: death is a social construct.
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Alfred: I made tea.
Bruce: I don’t want tea.
Alfred: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.
Bruce: Then why are you telling me?
Alfred: It's a conversation starter.
Bruce: That’s a lousy conversation starter.
Alfred: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.
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Alfred: Bruce isn’t answering his phone
Selina: I’ll call
Alfred: Jim and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-
Bruce: Hello?
(Part 4)
Harvey: keep that behaviour up and you’ll be sleeping with the fishes very soon.
Jim: (mumbling) I‘d rather be sleeping with the penguins
Harvey: ….what
Jim: I said what I said
gotham incorrect quotes... with gobblepot (pt. 4) (using scatterpatter's incorrect quotes generator)
Jim: You wanna see how hardcore I am?
Jim: *punches wall*
Oswald:
Jim: Take me to the hospital.
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Harvey: People are always asking me if I'm a morning person or a night person.
Harvey: And I'm just like, 'Buddy! I'm barely even a PERSON!'
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Oswald: My life isn’t as glamorous as my wanted poster makes it look like.
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Jim: I’d like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals.
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Harvey, eyeing Oswald: Some of you may die, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.
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Oswald: 'Person of interest' is almost too flattering.
Oswald: Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go, 'A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest,' I'd be like, 'Moi? Oh, do go on.'
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Harvey: Dear friend, your Christmas gift this year… is me. That’s right, another year of friendship. Your membership has been renewed.
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Jim: Schrödinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.
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Oswald: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.
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Jim: I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than fuck
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Jim: How do I deal with my enemies?
Oswald: Kill them
Jim: That's a bit extreme, I was hoping for a more passive solution
Oswald: Kill them only a little?
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Barbara: Am I going too far?
Lee: No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison.
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Jim: Okay, help me please!
Oswald: Got two words for you.
Jim: I bet they won't be helpful.
Oswald: Your problem.
Jim: I was right
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Oswald: standing with his back turned: I’ve been expecting you, old friend.
Jim: How did you do that without turning around?
Oswald: ... To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.
(Part 5)
gotham incorrect quotes + gobblepot (pt. 5) (this is starting to be a lot of parts) (based on scatterpatter's incorrect quotes generator)
Jim: So what’s for dinner?
Oswald, staring at the food he just burnt: Regret.
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Bruce: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- [translation: I’M SORRY]
Selina: What's that?
Bruce: Remorse code.
Selina: I'm even angrier now.
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Jim: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside
Oswald:
Oswald: Jim, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...
Jim: *Sips coffee from bowl*
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Oswald, talking to Jim on the phone: Did you preheat the oven like I told you to?
Jim: You bet!
Oswald: At what temperature?
Jim: 535.
Oswald: That's the clock.
Jim:
Oswald:
Jim: 536.
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Jim: I slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so lets go for 12 more just incase.
Oswald: Jim, that's a coma.
Jim: Sounds festive.
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Oswald: If you can’t beat them, dress better than them
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Oswald: Okay, truth or dare?
Jim: Truth
Oswald: How many hours have you slept this week?
Jim:
Jim: ...Dare
Oswald: Go to bed.
Jim: I don’t like this game.
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*Jim and Oswald skipping stones on lake*
Jim: It’s such a beautiful evening.
Oswald, whispering: Take that you fucking lake
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Jim: Jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that much.
Lee: Oh, you’ve been?
Jim: Once. In Monopoly.
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Jim: Oswald...
Oswald: Oh no, 'Oswald' in b-flat.
Oswald: You're disappointed.
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Jim: *Accidentally hits Oswald in the face*
Jim: *Trying to decide between saying 'I’m fucking sorry' and 'Are you okay'*
Jim: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!
Oswald: What’s wrong with you?!
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Jim: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?
Harvey: *chugs entire bottle*
Harvey: It’s perfume.
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Barnes, going over Jim's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative.
Jim: Yes
Barnes: Okay... may I know what you create?
Jim: Problems.
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Selina: Today is a day of running through hurdles.
Bruce: Aren’t you supposed to jump OVER hurdles?
Selina: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.
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Jim: You know, not every problem can be solved with a knife.
Oswald: That's why I carry two knives.
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Oswald: You saved me. I owe you my life.
Jim: No thanks. I’ve seen it and I’m not very impressed.
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Jim: I can explain.
Barnes: Can you?
Jim: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.
gotham incorrect quotes using this generator (part 6)
Ed: Oh, here’s my award for the most rules broken!
Lee: That’s not an award, it’s an angry letter from our boss.
Ed, hanging it on their wall: Well, it has the word ‘most’ in it, so I’m calling it an award!
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Oswald: I hate to disagree with you, but-
Barbara: Please, you love to disagree with me. Its your favorite thing to do.
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Harvey: When I first met you, I did not like you.
Ed: I'm aware of that.
Harvey: But then you and I had some time together.
Ed: Uh-huh?
Harvey: It did not get better.
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Oswald: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, Jim, are a fucking cactus.
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Lucius: I didn’t even realize how sarcastic I was being. It’s starting to become a problem, I think.
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Ed: If you ever feel stupid or weak or powerless, just remember that I am not. I am out there, very dangerous, and I am looking for you. Good luck.
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Alfred: But seriously, what is the real plan here that has to do with not fucking around?
Harvey: There is no plan that does not involve fucking around. But we will make sure all of our fucking around will be applied in a constructive direction.
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Ed: When do I get my own gun?
Harvey: I wouldn’t trust you with my kid’s lightsaber.
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Ed, over radio: Testing. Testing. Oswald, can you hear me?
Oswald, standing next to Ed: I’m standing right here.
Ed: You’re coming through good and loud.
Oswald: Because I’m standing right here.
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Jim, on the phone: Where are you?
Harvey: I told you, I’m at work!
Jim: Swear you’re not at Chuck E Cheese again?
*skee ball machine alarm goes off in the background*
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Harvey: I wouldn’t put it in those words exactly.
Lucius: Why not?
Harvey: Because I don't know what they mean.
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Ed: Do you know a turtle's only weakness?
Oswald: No... well, their slowness.
Ed: Their weaknesss is they can't roll over when they are on their backs.
Ed: Now I have a plan.
Ed: If I duct tape two turtles together, they'll be unstoppable.
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Lee, teaching Barbara to drive: Okay, you're driving and Tabitha and Butch walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?
Barbara: Oh, definitely Butch. I could never hurt Tabitha.
Lee, massaging her temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.
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Lucius: "You look tired" well, the torment is relentless and the horrors never cease.
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Oswald: Here is my wall of inspirational people.
Ed: Is that a picture of you?
Oswald: Yes, I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.
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Jim: Barbara...
Barbara: I can tell by the tone of your voice that you are disappointed. However, I must further disappoint you by affirming how little I give a fuck.
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Bruce: Hey.
Selina: Hey?
Bruce: I can't sleep. :/
Selina: I can. Goodnight.
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Lee: You’re alive.
Barbara: No need to sound so disappointed.
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Lucius: Did it hurt when you fell-
Ed: From heaven? Foxy, I didn’t think you were such a flirt-
Lucius: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.
Ed: ...
Lucius: You just laid there for 15 minutes.
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Jim: When I die I want everyone in the GCPD to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time.
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Lee: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.
Jim: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.
Lee: That's not how that works-
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Harvey: We’ll get back into there or die trying.
Lucius: No one’s dying.
Harvey: Not with that attitude.
Part 5
Selina: When a guy breaks up with his girlfriend, what is an appropriate amount of time to wait before you make a move?
Ivy: Oh, I'd say about a month.
Barbara: A couple of weeks.
Oswald: Half hour.
Ed:
Oswald: What?!
Riddler: I took an improv comedy class once.
Riddler: 'Cause I'm a white guy.
Gotham (Nygmobblepot) + text posts part 1!
Part 2