Fatima Aamer Bilal - Tumblr Posts

time is the best healer.

“and when finally it was time’s turn to heal everything, it stopped.”

fatima aamer bilal, from this world is my grave.

[text id: this world is pure agony without you. / this world is my grave.]

fatima aamer bilal, from sweet saturn. sweeter titan. // the heart beats for two.

[text id: i don’t know how to talk about love without talking about violence. // i wasn't there, but whenever i imagine us parting breaths

(not ways. breaths.)

i see you

covered in burns of longing.

my heart has claws.

i'm sorry. // how can i not love you violently when all i have ever known is / violence in the name of love? // there were days when i wanted you to feel the warmth of a home so badly that if you had asked me to burn my bones to ashes to build a fire for you i would have.]

fatima aamer bilal, except from all hunger is, is love.

[text id: it was inevitable. // you could have marched towards me, parading your teeth like hands, tearing all the meaningless flesh apart, turning my ribs inside, and taking a bite out of my heart—// and i would have done nothing, not when i couldn’t look past your eyes. // so warm. even the sun yearns to bask in them. // sick. sick. sick. how i would have waited for you to take another bite. then another. another. devour me whole. all hunger is, is love.]

fatima aamer bilal, from all hunger is, is love.

[text id: my heart knew no name more furiously than yours.

a scripture that burns beneath my tongue.

the mere glimpse of you clogs my lungs as if the butterflies have deemed them their home

but when you leave my sight, i can’t bear the thought of it being forever.

oh, lord, how i am willing to embrace you until all the love in my being seeps into you.

[and i can’t bring my myself to imagine a world with you,

this world is pure agony without you.

this world is my grave.]

these hands, attached to my wrists, with no purpose other than to hold yours— weep.

my palms are heavy with the emptiness of your hands.

it was inevitable.

you could have marched towards me, parading your teeth like hands, tearing all the meaningless flesh apart, turning my ribs inside, and taking a bite out of my heart—

and i would have done nothing, not when i couldn’t look past your eyes.

so warm. even the sun yearns to bask in them.

sick. sick. sick. how i would have waited for you to take another bite. then another. another. devour me whole. all hunger is, is love.

and i hope you’re hungry, dear darling.

“you have always been like this?”

“no.” yes.

oh, how i would pray to get sick, so my mother would take care of me.]

fatima aamer bilal, ‘all hunger is, is love’ from the heart beats for two.

fatima aamer bilal, from days where my whole world is my bed.

[text id: september arrives like a twisted knife, and i always welcome it with open arms.]

fatima aamer bilal, from shame is a girl’s second skin.

[text id: i am afraid life is becoming a coffin, just with ample space.]

fatima aamer bilal, from shame is a girl’s second skin.

[text id: i wanted to hurl my girlhood on a sidewalk and never walk that road again. / my insides have been eating me up alive lately. / i put my fist in my throat and yank misery out of me. / it looks like me. / you think your touch would burn the sun. / but you want to be held, / you’ll let a hand around your throat for the sake of it. / in grade one, i was six, i would pick the skin off my thumbs until they were bloody, so my teacher would hold my hand and ask me if i was okay. i was six. i thought the show of wounds would earn me love. where did i learn that from? / I WAS SIX / little girl, you’ll grow up, but the malice on your tongue will forever be the words of your father. / every time he opens his mouth, you think it’s to shout. it’s not. / what are memories of childhood if not quicksand? swallowing you whole. / my mother and i, we sit down at the dinner table and translate each other’s hurts, but we do not speak. / because you don’t address the hurt / (it hurts more) / learning to say goodbye but never to let go / choosing to sit in a house that’s burning, because that’s home to you / oh, how i wish this was just a phase, but i am afraid life is becoming a coffin, just with ample space.]

fatima aamer bilal, excerpt from hungry thread of nerves.

[text id: and i am sick of stomaching all the love i have for you. / your name feels like acid in my mouth. what an odd drink to be fond of.]

fatima aamer bilal, from hungry thread of nerves.

[text id: in the garden of this tomb, i lay my soul. your altar, only, is my house of god.]

fatima aamer bilal, excerpt from moony moonless sky’s all the blood in my mouth screams devastatingly desperate, miserable girl.

[text id: i eat approval for dinner, and when not earned any, i go to bed hungry.]

fatima aamer bilal, excerpt from moony moonless sky’s all the blood in my mouth screams devastatingly desperate, miserable girl.