Disaster Hales - Tumblr Posts
Werefox Stiles would probably be the bane of Derek's existence, not because he's trouble (more than he usually is, anyway) or in the way, because all anyone has to do is pick him up and put him under an arm like a loaf of bread.
No, it's because when they have pack meetings, Stiles will zoom around, and then he'll stop, sit up on his back legs to look at Derek, and just goes
And Derek always just fucking loses it. He can't help it. Every time. RIP his reputation as a tough, hardass Alpha.
Stiles knows this and does it on purpose when Derek is being Much Serious.
And it only gets worse later, because sometimes Stiles will go, "Hey, Der, where's the kid?" And he'll turn around to look for Eli and
And he's done for. Outnumbered and outmaneuvered. He's been had.
Peter: I think I agree with Stiles on this, I think there comes a point where it's a skeleton and not an actual dead person anymore.
Cora: I mean, we know it's a dead person.
Laura: I don't think that's correct, I think it's both things at the same time.
Stiles: Think of, like, a piece of fruit, but it's been left out so long that even conceiving of it as a piece of fruit is just no longer useful.
Cora: That's a good point.
Laura: I'm pretty sure that's incorrect.
Stiles: I mean, do you call a cherry pit a dead cherry?
Derek: Could you still eat the body? If you can’t eat the body anymore then it’s not a person.
Peter: I think you could eat anything if you’re determined enough.
Derek: That's fair.
Talia: ...
Talia: One dinner. I just want one dinner.
Werefox Stiles would probably be the bane of Derek's existence, not because he's trouble (more than he usually is, anyway) or in the way, because all anyone has to do is pick him up and put him under an arm like a loaf of bread.
No, it's because when they have pack meetings, Stiles will zoom around, and then he'll stop, sit up on his back legs to look at Derek, and just goes
And Derek always just fucking loses it. He can't help it. Every time. RIP his reputation as a tough, hardass Alpha.
Stiles knows this and does it on purpose when Derek is being Much Serious.
And it only gets worse later, because sometimes Stiles will go, "Hey, Der, where's the kid?" And he'll turn around to look for Eli and
And he's done for. Outnumbered and outmaneuvered. He's been had.
I think all the Hales were considered deeply weird for liking humans so much.
Like, the supernatural community probably tends to keep to itself, it's easier and overall safer to hook up with someone who is, if not the same kind of critter as you, will at least not freak out if you suddenly have claws or glowy eyes because hey, happens to everyone, right? Not to say there aren't humans in the know, of course there are, but not many.
So the Hales are a little strange, not only for consistently mating with humans, but being so absolutely rolled for them. Like, they are so gone for their mates, it's embarrassing. They call it the "Hale madness," some a little more derogatory than others.
And someone who's known the Hales for a long time, like Satomi or Deucalion, sees Derek, sees Stiles, sees Derek and Stiles, and they immediately just drag his ass, like, "I see you've contracted the Hale madness."
Stiles overhears it and immediately thinks it's, like, an actual madness and starts asking Derek about it, "What does that mean? What madness? Are you sick? Can we fix it? What's wrong?"
And Derek is just left like 😑 because he is not about to explain that no, he is not sick, there's nothing wrong with him, they're just making fun of him for being down bad for this smartass.
Stiles: Derek, the only person who thinks you're a "bad boy" is you.
Derek: I do illegal stuff all the time!
Stiles: Yeah? So do I?
Derek: I broke into a building yesterday!
Peter: Correction - you stayed in the library after hours, with permission, to read.
Stiles: My fetish is saying some incredibly stupid shit and watching Derek speedrun the five stages of grief as he realizes with horror that he still wants to fuck me.
Peter: I could help you, you know. I'm not only a trophy husband.
Chris: You're a trophy husband? The hell kind of contest did I win?
Chris: Peter, please tell me you’re not experimenting with those poisons Stiles made again.
Peter: I only paralyzed you for a week, darling. You need to let that go.
[Adventures In Cubsitting]
Talia: So, tell me, why exactly are there little muddy pawprints all over my kitchen?
14-Year-Old Peter: I, uh, well...
Peter, to Derek: Why are there little pawprints all over the kitchen?
3-Year-Old Derek: 'Cause I got little paws!
Peter, to Talia: Because he's got little paws.
Talia: *deep, deep sigh*
Stiles: Hey, Derek, I need your help with a math problem.
Derek: Okay? What is it?
Stiles: Well, we start with you and me, then add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and see if we multiply.
Derek: ...
Derek: Goddamn it.
Peter, looking under the bed: Hey, cub, ready to come out and socialize again?
Bby Derek: *growls*
Peter: Understandable, have a nice day.
Erica: Boyd's out of town for the week. Derek, tell me I'm pretty.
Derek: ...
Derek: Were I not already mated, I would take you in manly fashion.
Erica: Because I'm pretty?
Derek: Because you're pretty.
Stiles: yes he does!
Talia: Derek, what the hell is this?
Bby Derek, carrying Stiles piggyback: A human I found in the Preserve.
Talia: Well, go put him back, he doesn't belong to you!