Damian Wayne Is Bad At Feelings

night-fallz

4 years ago

It's getting better . . . right?

Inspired by this fanfic

uploaded on 04/11/21

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Ao3 // Wattpad

Damian Wayne knew that no one wanted him around. He wasn’t an idiot. He noticed how everyone always seemed to look at him with a bit of distaste and revulsion wherever he went.

It made him feel like he didn’t belong with them. Like he was unwanted.

Didn’t his family notice how hard he was trying?

They never seemed to look past the fact that he was raised by assassins. They all assumed that he was nothing but a cold, bratty, killer.

And in a way, maybe they were right.

After all, the ones he was supposed to call his brothers didn’t even give him a chance.

Even the team he handpicked, hated him.

What was wrong with him?

If everyone seemed to hate him so much, there had to be something wrong with him. Right?

That’s what everyone at school seemed to believe.

Ever since someone leaked his number, his phone would always be filled with dozens of new messages. Not a single one of them was positive.

“KYS smart ass”

“U know that no one actually likes you, right?”

“U might be Bruce Wayne’s child but remember that u were nothing but a mistake”

“No one's going to like u with that attitude. No matter how hot you might be”

“isn’t it sad that no one likes you?”

“Do us all a favor and just kys”

And as if that wasn’t enough, everyone in his vigilante life seemed to always have something negative to say about him.

They didn’t even care that he was within earshot. In fact, he wholeheartedly believed that they wanted him to hear about all their complaints about him and his attitude.

He received their points loud and clear. No one there wanted him.

No matter how hard he tried, it would never be enough. Sometimes, he wanted to take his suit and run away, killing all the criminals that he deemed deserved it. He wanted to fight back and argue against them with the bratty behavior that everyone seemed to believe he was born with.

But.

It would only prove everyone right. It would only prove that he was nothing but a spoiled, worthless, ungrateful brat that doesn’t know how to take no for an answer.

Ever since Damian was given to his father, he has wanted nothing more than to gain his approval. He promised that he would become everything that Batman wanted and more.

Even if it meant that he had to pretend that their comments didn’t hurt him.

Damian stared back at his empty, plain wall.

A few minutes before he got back to the manor, the team had just completed another mission.

Damian was about to apologize because he felt like he was a bit too overbearing and bossy when he heard them complaining and criticizing him.

Again.

He froze, not knowing what to do.

“- Such a brat!” he heard someone growl. “Like how can someone be such a dick?”

The room filled with laughter and Emiko spoke up, “What did the kid do now?”

“He goes and gets mad at me for being incompetent or something. Like it’s not my fault I wasn’t raised by a crazy old hot assassin lady.” Wally snapped.

They were right, of course. Damian was raised in different circumstances. And he knew that he was a bit harsh. But he just didn’t want anyone to get hurt.

“‘If you don’t halt your tongue you useless speedster,” someone mockingly imitated, “You will perish under my sword.” That brought another round of fresh laughter to the tight group.

Not even the two people that Damian could probably call his friends could hold in their laughs.

“Why are you guys so mean to the small man?” Roundhouse asked, making the tense feeling inside Damian’s chest loosen up a bit.

Maybe they didn’t hate him as much as he thought they did.

He heard Emiko snort, “Please, that wanna-be is barely a man.”

He quickly got that foolish thought out of his head.

Wally muttered something that Damian couldn’t hear.

Emiko spoke up again, “You guys wanna know what Roy told me,” Damian assumed that the others nodded and he found himself leaning in as well. “He said that even his own brothers don’t like him. They just put up with him to make their dad happy. Actually, probably even his own father doesn’t want him.”

Damian ignored how tight his chest was getting. They were right after all. No matter how hard he tried, his father would never love him the way he loved Grayson, Todd, and Drake.

Wally laughed, “You’re probably right. I mean, didn’t his mom just force Batman to take him. The guy probably didn’t have a choice.”

“That must be tough.” someone huffed, “Being tossed around like trash.”

“He probably deserved it.”

Damian stood there, suddenly not wanting to face his team. Again, they were right. Maybe he did deserve it. No one wanted him around.

No one loved him.

He noticed that the talking from the room ceased and decided that maybe now would be a good time to quickly leave.

All he had to do was go in, use the zeta tubes, and he would be out of there.

Damian walked in the room, with the utmost confidence he could muster.

“Great!” Wally had an excited grin on his face, “I can’t wait to go-“ his voice trailed off when he spotted Damian walking in.

“Can’t wait for what?” he couldn’t stop himself from asking.

“We’re going to the movies!” Djinn answered for the speedster. “We wanted to do a bit of team bonding.” she gave him a bright smile.

Damian nodded in acceptance, hoping that his eyes didn’t betray the hurt he was feeling. Understanding the fact that no one wanted him around, he muttered a quick “Have fun.” Then left.

He should’ve known better than to know that they would invite him.

They probably just didn’t want him to ruin their bonding experience. It makes sense. Damian ruined everything. And he doesn’t even have to try.

It’s like all he had to do was step into a room and everyone’s mood suddenly spiraled down.

These feelings stirring up inside of him made him feel weak and useless. He was pathetic.

Damian stopped, why should he care about what they think? Their opinions should mean nothing to him.

Because father would want you to get along with them. His mind whispered. And even if you don’t want to admit it, you’ve grown fond of them. That’s why you want them to like you so much.

Damian sighed, deciding to take a shower. It’s not like he had anything better to do.

He left his phone on his bed, barely anyone but Alfred came into his room anyway.

The steaming hot water sprinkled across his brown skin. It hurt at first but Damian got used to it.

He didn’t know how long he stayed in the shower but when he heard the knock at the door, he immediately assumed that it was time for dinner.

“I’ll be there soon Alfred!” he called out, changing as fast as he could. He didn’t want to disappoint his father by showing up late.

“Sorry, but I’m not Alfred.”

“Grayson?” he asked, stepping out of the bathroom. “What are you doing here?”

“Do I need an excuse to visit my brother?” he grinned excitedly.

Damian wanted to nod and say yes. No one talked to him unless they had to. However, Damian stopped himself when he saw the glint of mischief in Grayson’s eyes.

Immediately putting up his guard, knowing nothing good happens when Nightwing himself is up to no good, he sneered. “I’m not up for your silly little games tonight.”

Grayson had the nerve to look hurt and pout. Damian ignored him, “Please Dami.” he begged, “I just want to spend some time with my brother.”

“Well, I don’t want to spend time with you.” Damian snapped, “Now if you excuse me, I have to go do... something.”

Grayson cheerfully grinned, ignoring everything Damian just said. “Since you have nothing better to do, let’s go hang out with your friends.” Before Damian could say that he didn’t have any friends and that Bruce needed to know if he ever went somewhere, Grayson lifted him up. “I already asked Dad. So come on! I want to meet your team.”

“It’s not like I have a choice.” Damian grumbled, “Can you put me down?”

“Nope.”

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When they arrived at the tower, Damian sat on the only empty seat left.

He was confused. Why was everyone here? Did they just bring him here so that they could talk about how bad of a person he was? Cause he honestly didn’t need a reminder.

He had a bad feeling about this meetup.

He soon became aware that everyone was watching him, “Don’t you guys have a movie to watch?”

“It was closed.”

“How would it be closed? It’s barely 10 o’clock.”

Crush looked at Todd and the boy rolled his eyes before speaking up. “Hey, brat. You do-”

“Don’t I get a welcome, Demon?” Drake suddenly interrupted, “Plus, last time I checked, you didn’t know what cinema they were going to, so how would you know what time it would close.”

“Tt, whatever.” he rolled his eyes, concealing how his chest seems to ache at the fact that his brothers they didn’t even care that were humiliating him in front of his team. “Can I go now?” he turned to Grayson, “I just remembered that I had to do something.”

It was an obvious lie. And from the snickers going on around the room, they knew it too. Damian didn’t bother to pretend to care. He needed to get out of here.

Something felt wrong.

Without waiting for Grayson’s answer he stood up and tried to walk towards the exit. However, judging by the fact that someone was blocking the door, it seemed like they didn’t want him to leave.

He turned around. “What do you guys want?” he demanded, hoping that they would get the hint that he didn’t want to stay here.

“I don’t know what they want,” Todd casually said, leaning forward. “But can you try this? Alfred gave me the recipe.”

Damian narrowed his eyes at the drink, running his hands through his dark, damp hair. A habit he only did when he was extremely nervous or when he had a very bad feeling. “And I should care about that because...?” He made his voice trail off.

Why won’t they leave him alone?

Everyone seemed to grit their teeth before Crush looked at him straight in the eye, an eyebrow mockingly raised. “Please don’t tell me that you're scared.”

Damian scoffed at the thought.

Him. Scared of a drink? As if.

He paused, he was wary of it though. Something definitely didn’t feel right. He wanted to leave before this whole thing further escalated.

It was like he was back in school and everyone was surrounding him so that he couldn’t walk away. Then somehow, everyone would make comments about how useless and stupid he was. Then they would push him around. Sometimes, they would even go as fast as going through his backpack and rip his notebooks apart.

It was humiliating.

Is that what they wanted? To humiliate Damian.

He was right. They really did hate him.

The fact that Damian didn’t answer his teammate’s question seemed to boost everyone’s confidence.

Damian noticed that they all had a glint of amusement in their eyes, probably enjoying the fact that he couldn’t leave.

Todd walked up to him, the mug in his hand. Damian couldn’t bring himself to move, he could only stare at the object.

Get out. his head seemed to scream. Get out!

He warily looked around, he couldn’t force himself out of this one. He was trapped and the walls just kept closing in.

“You know,” Emiko taunted. “What would happen if your father heard the fact that you declined a drink that your brother obviously worked hard on just for you?” she suddenly let out a mocking gasp, “Oh! What would the League do?”

“If dad found out,” Drake playfully commented, a hint of delight in his tone. As if he enjoyed how uncomfortable Damian felt. “You would probably be banned from patrol... again.”

Everyone around him laughed and Damian clenched his fists.

This wasn’t fair.

Why should it matter that he didn’t want to try the stupid drink that Drake made?

He tried to look at Grayson for help but he was laughing too. Why would his brother the older kid bring him here just to be made fun of?

He hated it here.

Did all of them hate him so much that they would gang up on him? Threatening him that they’ll snitch to Bruce so that he wouldn’t be able to be Robin anymore?

They couldn’t.

Damian refused to let them take away the only escape he had from his horrible life.

If all they wanted was for him to drink from that stupid mug, then he would.

He snatched the white mug- covered with bats from Todd’s hand. Not even bothering to check what was in it, he drank it all as fast as he could.

Before he could open his mouth to ask if he could leave now, his vision blurred. Dark spots seemed to be dancing around the room.

What was happening?

His head suddenly started to hurt. He tried to walk away but he stumbled, almost falling face-first to the floor when someone caught him.

Damian felt his body being carried and put down somewhere soft.

The last thing he noticed was the fact that everyone seemed to wear matching smirks. The exact smirks that seemed to make chills go down Damian’s spine all evening. Wally took out his phone, angling it to film something.

He heard the voices talking and he felt his mouth open as if answering a question.

His head still hurts.

He wanted the pain to go away.

Why wasn’t it going away?

He wanted to scream for help. It hurts. Everything hurts. But it was like he couldn’t bring the words out of his mouth.

He didn’t know if the reason he couldn’t ask for help was that he didn’t trust them or if he just physically couldn’t do it.

In the end, it didn’t matter. Damian’s small body slumped against the couch and his vision went dark.

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When his green eyes opened, he felt like Superman hit his head with as much strength as he could.

It hurts, the throbbing just wouldn’t stop and his eyes couldn’t focus. Everything was blurry and hazy.

He tried to get up but it was like his body failed him. He couldn’t move.

Suddenly, he felt someone put another blanket over his body. He looked up and noticed that all three of his father’s sons were there, staring at him with worried eyes.

They sat on his bed, “What’s wrong, Dami?” Todd asked in a worried tone.

“Nothing,” he muttered. “Why are you guys here?”

“We’re just worried for you, little bat.” Grayson softly argued, his hands playing with Damian’s dark hair.

“Why?” If he could, Damian would’ve winced at how pathetic he sounded. “ I mean, what happened?”

The older bats exchanged glances before Drake slowly answered his question, “There was a mission.” he faltered, “And you got hurt. Really badly.”

Damian frowned, the pain distracting him from focusing on anything else but the words being said to him. “I don’t remember going on a mission?” His eyes stared at theirs, “What was the mission again, exactly?”

Todd scooted closer to him and Damian wanted to scoot away, will he hurt him? “We’ll tell you everything later. Right now, you need to rest.”

Damian's head throbbed even more, “None of this makes sense. Where’s the team?” When the word team came out of his mouth, something inside Damian seemed to snap, he looked at them, obviously panicking as he asked, “How’s the team? Are they hurt? No one was drastically injured right?”

How could he be so selfish? Why was he focusing on himself so much? He should’ve focused on his team right when he woke up.

No wonder they hated him. He couldn’t even protect them properly.

Were they going to kick him out? Were they going to replace him as their leader? Were they g-

“Your team is fine,” Tim assured him, wrapping his arm around Damian, causing the small child to flinch. Drake quickly removed his arm, muttering a quick “Sorry.”

Noticing that the atmosphere has gotten tense and uncomfortable again, Damian couldn’t help but scold himself. Stupid, he just wanted to help you. Why did you have to flinch?

“They’re worried about you, you know.” Grayson suddenly spoke up.

Damian tilted his head in confusion, “Who?”

“Your team.”

“Why?” he questioned.

“Cause you’re hurt?” Todd supplied, as if it was obvious, exchanging quick glances with the others again.

“I just have a headache.” Damian argued before muttering a quiet, “Plus, they didn’t care before. So why would they care now.”

“They care because you’re their leader” Grayson gently answered.

Damian scrunched his eyebrows, so they didn’t want to replace Damian as the leader. Maybe he wasn’t as useless to the team as he thought. They might not like him but they probably believed he was valuable.

Damian nodded in understanding, “So you’re sure that no one's hurt.” he asked meekly. “Did you make sure that they were all okay?”

They might not like or care about him but Damian cared for them.

“They’re fine.” Todd mumbled, “Now, why don’t you go back to sleep.”

Grayson wrapped Damian around his arms, this time Damian tried his hardest not to flinch. It didn’t work but Grayson didn’t seem to notice or care.

He just didn’t want to turn the pleasant atmosphere into an awkward and sorrowful one.

“You’re never getting hurt again.” he heard Drake vow. “We’ll make sure of it.”

Damian wanted to mention they would not be able to keep that promise. They wouldn’t be there with him at every moment of his life.

Damian chose not to tell them down. As much as they wanted to believe that they knew Damian, they didn’t.

Plus, that promise was doomed from the start. After all, how could they protect Damian from themselves?

He also decided that he wouldn’t mention their strange behavior. He knew that they would go back to hating him tomorrow. Right now, all he wanted was to stay in the older kid’s arms.

For once in his life, Damian felt like he belonged. Like someone cared.

He only wished that this feeling would last forever.

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Note:

So I tried something new. What do you think?

Feel free to comment your thoughts and ideas on what I should add. I love reading them!

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