Colum Asht - Tumblr Posts

i was thinking about silas and lyctorhood and i came to conclusion that if he ever did ascend (only unwillingly) he would try to kill himself. just straight up throw himself into the river, going 'no. you cannot make me live with such sin. i refuse. i refuse.' dude was a zealot and as unbending as a brick, and being something he considers heresy would fucking break him. in the end, even making colum's sacrifice null by committing suicide wouldn't stop him.

okay i was thinking about that post you made about what random house citizens are thinking and you know what would seem so suspicious? the state of the corpses (or lack thereof) that the houses receive back. the missing bodies, the cremated remains, the gruesome ones seemingly attacked by a monster, or perhaps even most suspicious, one body killed by a rapier to the thought. like im sure at least some of this info leaks to the general public and im sure to theories are intense.

Fourth House Tisis Reps getting Jeannemary "crucified on a bed" Chatur and Baron Isaac "colander boy" Tettares's bodies back like:

like they'd be used to getting fucked up and weird remains back, sure, but from the First House?? from the Lyctor trials?????

Imagine being the poor Third House guy who has to break the news that Ianthe's ascended but Coronabeth, the Crown Princess and heir is in fact dead but no you're not actually going to get any remains oh why? there was nothing to salvage :) so sorry for the inconvenience. you just KNOW they had a week of mourning. you just KNOW it was the topic of choice at every party for MONTHS. crazy theories. most people do believe she got eaten and are enthusiastic abt telling you.

Hi Trentham officials :) here's Lieutenant Dyas's remains. mhmm. yes, she did get turned inside out, what a bummer. We Could Not Recover Captain Deuteros's Remains. Everyone running the mile for the next fortnight is like "i mean yeah, judith was a chickenshit, stuck up nepo baby *spits* but uh, how can there have been NOTHING TO RECOVER??"

Would not wanna be the person who has to write down "mysterious post-mortem incision to large intestine" on Abigail's autopsy report. Yeah, no clue what happened at the First House but i do think it was a kind of Jigsaw Trap and unfortunately us Fivers are fucking weaksauce competitors who die first and get used as CHESTS

We already vaguely know abt the Sixth's response to getting pieces of a shattered skeleton and Cam's empty coffin (as fuckin if she wouldn't leave an equally dope corpse) (also shout out to whatever psychometrist studied Pal's bone fragments for a few hours before looking up and having to say that the explosion came from inside the Palamedes, must've been a tough gig, dude), but now i am thinking abt Rhodes recieving two urns and also this severed head :). that sucks. pressing F to pay respects to Mia and the kids, they deserved better than that.

truly believe the Eighth house had a distinct crisis of faith after recieving Colum and Silas's bodies. what the fuck else could you do. Silas was very clearly stabbed with Colum's sword and Colum has no eyes now. That does not bode well at all.

silas colum, the saint of justice. silas colum, the saint of honor. silas colum, the saint of honesty.

silas colum, the saint of truth

silas colum, the saint of justice. silas colum, the saint of honor. silas colum, the saint of honesty.

first of all I had to find the quotes and honestly the dialogue before is just. I don't even know.

"more eager and jovial" you want to fuck this eighth battery shit brickhouse so bad, babs, it makes you look stupid. like, dude, of all the people present you chose him? colum the eighth? to bother?

earlier, being rebuked like that by ianthe and what babs does? babs goes on a (seemingly) mutual conversation with colum. colum had to say something about buckler to have naberius talking about it.

and poor colum who has to deal with silas DAILY, gets another twink to bother him at canaan house. colum asht suffers more than gideon jesus without any praise.

on this reread of gideon the ninth I am picking up on the frankly hilarious background thread that naberius genuinely seems to want to be buddies with colum asht, in his third house mean girl kind of way. and colum seems to count this as a genuinely painful event amidst a life defined by suffering fhdskjsha

(they're seated next to each other at magnus and abigail's party and naberius keeps trying to drag colum back into conversation (by telling him he's wrong of course) while colum mostly suffers in silence and tries to eat his dinner, and before the duel that was supposed to happen between the eight and the seventh naberius invites himself along to the walk there chattering the whole time and it makes colum, and I quote, 'look like he wished he were deaf'. how hard do you have to work at it to be insufferable to a guy who hangs around silas all day long. can colum ever catch a break. can we just see him have a chill time for like two minutes in alecto the ninth. maybe have a drink with a little umbrella in it. I realize I hope for too much but has he not suffered enough? his day job was basically to go to day trips to hell already, of all the people who could end up stuck in there he's deserved it the least let's fish him out before the series ends huh)

i think i am not the only one to be diagnosed with care-about-eighth-itis. the most unhinged tags i have received so far in my life (i love it)

silas colum, the saint of justice. silas colum, the saint of honor. silas colum, the saint of honesty.

It's been said before but I'll say it again — ever be so deeply, permanently emotionally destroyed by killing your best friend in the name of the newfound necromancer/cavalier relationship that you build a house that treats cavaliers as innately disposable, breeds them for a single purpose, genetically matches them to babies before they are born, names them for sacrificial animals, specifically so none of the necromancers who follow behind you will experience the heartbreak of losing the person they love most in the world, so horribly that they can't stand to hear their name spoken aloud for the next ten thousand years, only for the scion of that house, ten thousand years later, to be so revolted by the concept of killing his cavalier for Lyctorhood, so disgusted by your crime, that he claims G-d's directly expressed will is heretical and fundamentally morally opposed to the principles of the religion you helped to found?

And then, when that person does do what you explicitly built his house to be able to do and uses his cavalier as a tool rather than a person — even if he does it because he believes his cavalier capable of surviving anything, the polar opposite of what you tried to teach his house to believe — he experiences his cavalier's death as such an abrupt and horrifying loss that after he himself is killed he wanders the afterlife in grief, impotently taking revenge on a woman who should have been burned up for Lyctorhood by the person who loved and needed her most, but was spared, saying may all the blood of your blood suffer even a fraction of what I have suffered? The suffering you tried so incredibly hard to insulate him from? He of the church you built to bury the memory of a nun?

Ianthe Tridentarius: Surely you can describe the thrilling goings-on via commnet, Naberius. Naberius Tern: eighth have had a few Ianthe Tridentarius: Joy of joys. Naberius Tern: and the master templar or whatever is back here getting like Naberius Tern: impregnated Naberius Tern: no exaggeration he is being semi-publicly fucked as we speak Naberius Tern: BY HIS CAVALIER The Eighth get messy at a Third party. The Third observe.

My extremely silly first posted eighthcest fic 🫡 Hope you guys enjoy!

The Asht brothers

(Designs and personalities for Ram and Capris are loosely inspired by this excellent pre-canon fic about the Eighth. Highly recommend!)

Hi I know I don’t know you but I need you to know that your 3rd/8th house swap is propelling me rapidly back into my tlt hyperfixation. I already am so attached to 3rd house Silas it’s not even funny. He’d be so fucking mean. And in canon his faith is the biggest thing keeping him from Lyctorhood, so if he’s not eighth the only thing stopping him is his love for Colum, and whether that love succeeds or fails it’s just. So Juicy

Oh my god and eighth house Ianthe! Ianthe who’s had control over the religious lives of the Nine Houses since she was a kid! Corona would probably just be her cavalier instead of pretending to be a necromancer since the eighth isn’t as big on lies and secrets. So she would just have two cavaliers… and she’d have to pick which one to sacrifice? Plus, the Harrianthe drama of the Ninth being out of the religious control of the Eighth cannot be overstated 👀

And that’s not even touching on Colum or Corona or Naberius!!! I’m just. Thank you. You are feeding me with this AU

Omg haha I'm so glad you liked it!! It truly hit me like a truck to even think about and now I've been possessed by the image of him wearing like, slutty gold chainmail and being a cunt. He would be THE FUCKING WORST!!!!!!! I like to imagine that his faith remains very strong, but that he's also like a classically Third trashy whore in some regards because it's his Duty, as the Crown Prince and the Mouth of the Emperor and the Heir to the Throne of Ida, to get out on the floor and get the fuck down. Colum would still be completely tortured by this. And I totally agree that if he didn't have the theocratic power to declare something heretical and attempt to purge it entirely from the face of the First, it would be the fact that Colum has been his beloved cavalier and only real friend since the day he was born that held him back from eating him.

And YES, Eighth Ianthe (and Corona and Babs) would be fucking insane!!! The concept of Ianthe, who Corona starved for oxygen in the womb, feeding on Corona's soul due to their perfect genetic compatibility and making her weaker and weaker over time, more and more like Ianthe herself...AUGHHHHHH

i thought about canaan house crowd ascending with cytherea as catalist and made myself sad.

need to establish my vocabulary first though:

to pull a cristabel — kill yourself as a sacrifice with no apparent danger outside of your necro stagnating in her studies and aging.

to pull a gideon — kill yourself because there's an immediate danger to life and your necro's survival is more important than yours.

so. judith does not ascend unless really backed into it. marta would 1) cave in and pull a gideon 2) prefer fighter's death. judith anyway bears guilt for millenias.

ianthe is ianthe. though corona would absolutely pull a cristabel and/or gideon if only she knew.

poor isaac is against this shit much like abigail but both jeannemary and magnus can (and in case of jm will) pull a gideon on them. grief.

with palamedes and cam i see many paths. 1) they make paul from the beginning even though they didn't have enough time to discuss and research. paul is wobbly and cyth is livid at them for doing something she couldn't so she decapitates them. 2) pal pulls a reverse gideon and explodes as per canon, then they make paul. 3) camilla pulls a gideon on pal. i am not interested in thinking about paul paths because anything i come up with pales in comparison with tamsyn's imagination. so in case of traditional lyctorhood pal is grieving and has cool knives. and maybe develops some muscle.

dulcie will pull a reverse gideon just so protesilaus doesn't do it on her. she's so sick of this shit already, she's not spending myriad like cyth. pro wouldn't pull a cristabel and would prefer a fighter's death to pulling a gideon anyway.

silas would like his nephew NOT TO DIE. colum would not pull a cristabel, he has seen enough of the river for a lifetime. colum could 1) choose to pull a gideon because as much as he doesn't want to die he absolutely should like a good cav, shouldn't he? 2) choose to not pull a gideon because silas is against it/stopped him midway screeching tome proverbs at him entire time.

gideon is gideon. harrow does lobotomy.

I think Silas would probably die of embarrassment if he ever met the Memelord Undying

HE DOES NOT PICK AND CHOOSE HIS DECENCIES. CAN. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME. HE GAVE AND GAVE AND GAVE BUT HE WOULD NOT SACRIFICE HIS HONOUR. FUCKKKKKKKKKK.

SILAS COLUM, THE SAINT OF MERCY

mercy /ˈməːsi/

compassion or forgiveness shown towards someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm.

an event to be grateful for, because it prevents something unpleasant or provides relief from suffering.

(especially of a journey or mission) performed out of a desire to relieve suffering.

“An oath to the Ninth is as medicine to sand,” the necromancer said. “It sinks from sight and yields no benefit. She knows this as well as any, and better than some. The Ninth heart is barren, and the Ninth heart is black.”

Tamsyn Muir, Gideon the Ninth

I am the oath. I was engineered into a man who doesn’t—pick and choose his decencies!"... When Colum held her sword out to her, horizontally in one hand, it was as cavalier to cavalier. His expression was perfectly calm now, as though the anger had never even surfaced: maybe it hadn’t. And his eyes were the eyes of a man who had just tied his own noose.

Tamsyn Muir, Gideon the Ninth

The warrior’s economy of movement; the long and lovely lines of someone who had trained with the sword his whole life; the swift-footedness was gone. He now moved like there were six people inside him, and none of those six people had ever been inside a human being before. He sniffed. He craned his head around—and kept craning. With an awful crack, his head turned one hundred and eighty degrees to look impassively at the room behind him.

Tamsyn Muir, Gideon the Ninth

Silas wiped the blood away from his nose and mouth and said calmly: “Brother Asht, listen to the words of the head of your House.” Colum advanced. “Come back,” said Silas, unruffled. “I bid you return. I bid you return. Colum—I bid you return. I bid you return. I bid you return. I bid. I bid, I bid, I bid— Colum—” The thing that lived in Colum raised Colum’s sword, and drove the point through Silas Octakiseron’s throat.

Tamsyn Muir, Gideon the Ninth

“And somewhere out there, may all the blood of your blood suffer even a fraction of what I have suffered.” He pushed. The eldest princess of Ida dropped from the side of the docking bay with swanlike ease. She simply tipped off the side, neither folding nor seizing—there one moment, a golden star, and then gone. There was no question of going to her aid. The Eighth House necromancer stood there with the wind flapping his wet alabaster robes, his braid torn to wisps and ribbons, and he did not even look over the side.

Tamsyn Muir, Harrow the Ninth