Clean Taylors Version - Tumblr Posts
Drowning
There are days when breathing feels easier. Not today, though.
Today every breath leaving your lungs rips open a cut that bleeds out your eyes and onto your cheeks. The salt water falling out in a hurry to pour the pain out. Like a falls, so mighty and strong, the never-ending pain keeps pouring on.
Today, it's all so wrong. The lights are too bright and sound too loud. A tick here and a click there, and a hitch in your breath that makes the pain too much to bear.
It would all be a lot easier to point fingers- at people, at time, at incidents and at places. Yet you constantly find all ten of them staring right into your soul. Blame it on youth, or the colours you can't let go. Nothing can change the stubborn brain with no remorse. "Protect yourself, wear the armour tight". No one told me that the armour might choke me at night. I struggle, never swam through the blues just rode the high tides. Free falling through to the lap of gravity, a dark ocean bed that awaits me. Breathing is not a problem for me tonight, for drowning makes it easier by burning my lungs. Water rushes up my skin and into my eyes, there's beauty in madness and peace in demise. Will I be missed? Should I hold back for tonight? Maybe it'll be alright and I won't lose my mind... But what if I never make it after all the incessant "fake it"s. My brain goes numb and my skin opens wide.
I exchange the blues for crimson, a shade that's my best friend. Mixing up the salt and the pungent smell, another night I chose to drown in my head. It would be easier to lie on thorns if it was the bed I made. I willingly pierce my own heart to protect my head from the larks.
Drowning my sorrows into stories I wish into the universe, for when they come true I'd still push myself into the deep end. Around the globe, I brought along the baggage. For new people to poke through and tell me my worth.
One more day until I die after hearing 33 year old Taylor Swift's rerecording of Clean 9 years after it first came out. I'm not even joking, this will kill me off.