Castiel & Reader - Tumblr Posts
I Wish That I Was Good Enough
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Warnings - Season 15 spoilers, episode 3 spoilers - please don’t read if you haven’t watched episode 3, I really don’t want to be the reason that it has been spoiled for you! Angst.
Requested - anon - please do one were the reader comforts cas and goes off with him after that mess of an episode!! Please
Hunting with the Winchesters had never been easy, there was always a next big threat but somehow the lot of you had managed. Right now as you sat in the car on the way back to the bunker, the tension thick and uncomfortable, you wondered how you were going to survive. Sure Rowena had sacrificed herself but you knew it wouldn’t be that easy, something big was yet to come. Tears filled your eyes as you thought of Rowena but you quickly blinked them away, this wasn’t the time for tears, you could cry when you were alone.
Sam was sat quietly, staring out of the window, Dean’s hands were turning white as he gripped the wheel angrily, Castiel sat next to you alternating between looking at Sam in concern and Dean in sadness. Without drawing too much attention to yourself you reached over and grabbed Castiel’s hand in yours, you knew Dean blamed him but you also trusted that Castiel did what he had to do and knowing that he had killed Belphegor, who was wearing Jack’s corpse taking away the slight hope Jack would come back, well that had you believing in Castiel’s decision even more.
The drive back to the bunker dragged but eventually you were all climbing out of the car and separating from the entrance. You watched as Castiel and Sam wandered off down the hall, parting ways quickly. Dean stood slightly in front of you, concern written clearly on his features as his eyes followed his little brother. He let out a sigh before following Sam, leaving you to stand alone. You decided that you’d find Castiel, Dean was comforting Sam so that was covered but Castiel needed somebody too.
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“I killed him.” Castiel told you before you had a chance to speak.
“Yeah I know but I don’t think you would’ve done it unless you had to.” You told him honestly, you still didn’t know exactly what had gone down but you believed what you said.
“He was going to consume every soul, take over Hell, Earth, everything. I couldn’t- Y/N, I couldn’t let him. I’m sorry about Rowena, truly I am, but-” Castiel’s voice was heavy with emotion causing you to frown and step into the room, you sat next to him and took his hand in yours.
“Things always go wrong, nothing goes to plan, not with the Winchesters. But we improvise and we make it work. I’m sorry about Rowena too, she was my friend and I’ll miss her everyday but she made that decision. And Belphegor, he was a demon, he was always going to betray us. You can’t beat yourself up over this Cas.” With a sigh, Castiel turned to you looking utterly broken and you quickly wrapped him in a tight hug. He let you hug him, taking comfort in the tight hold you had on him as he hugged you back before letting go after only a few moments.
“I should go and speak to Dean.” He informed you as he pulled away from you.
“You think that’s a good idea, Cas? Why not let him cool off?” You tried but knew it was useless, Castiel wouldn’t feel any better until he at least explained himself to Dean.
“No, no, I should go now. Thank you Y/N.” With that he left the room and you couldn’t help but frown in worry at his retreating figure.
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“Something went wrong, you know this, something always goes wrong.” You heard Castiel tell Dean, you weren’t intentionally eavesdropping but you didn’t want to enter the room now either.
“Yeah why does that something always seem to be you?” You heard Dean ask and barely managed to conceal the gasp that left your lips. That was a low blow and Dean had to know it. You could just about see Cas and watched the emotions he was feeling play out on his face, your heart broke for him.
The silence between them was uncomfortable and you just about managed to stop yourself from going into the room to defuse the situation, as messy and cruel as it was they needed to get everything out there. The feelings Dean was carrying around towards Castiel were interfering with everything.
“You used to trust me,” your heart sank further as you listen to Castiel, “give me the benefit of the doubt. Now you can barely look at me. My powers are failing, and I've tried to talk to you, over and over, and you just don't want to hear it. You don't care. I'm dead to you. You still blame me for Mary. Well, I don't think there's anything left to say.”
“Where you going?” Dean asked and you leaned in wanting to know that exact thing.
“Jack’s dead. Chuck’s gone. You and Sam have each other. Y/N has you both. I think it’s time for me to move on.”
Your eyes filled with tears as you heard Castiel, he considered you family and believing that none of you cared for him, that you were just using him broke your heart. Dean, Sam and you all cared deeply for Castiel no matter what Dean made him believe. Watching Castiel walk out of the door was one of the hardest things you’d witnessed, this coming from a hunter who had seen a whole lot of bad, terrifying, heart wrenching things.
Dean’s eyes were watery when you stepped into the room. He looked up and frowned when he saw the tears sliding down your face with no show of stopping.
“Y/N.” He started, reaching out to gently grab your arm but you shoved him away.
“How dare you! You know Castiel would do anything for the Winchester’s, sure he’s fucked up in the past and I’m sorry about your mom, OK, but the way you treated him-” Here you cut yourself off, reaching up to angrily rub the tears from your cheeks before turning away and following the same route Castiel had just taken.
“Hey, where- Y/N, where are you going?” He asked, face hardening as to not portray anything he was feeling though the red around his eyes stood out.
“I’m going with Castiel.” You told him, your tone harsh.
“Y/N!” Dean called but you were quick to leave the bunker, not even bothering to pack a bag. You had to find Castiel.
Luckily he was still outside the bunker, looking paler and more tired than you’d seen him. Quickly you made you way over to him and wrapped him in another hug, he jolted slightly in your arms, not expecting anyone to have followed him out.
“What are you doing out here?” Castiel asked, voice thick with emotion.
“I heard you and Dean. He had no right to treat you like that Cas-”
“He has every right, he blames me for Mary. Nothing I can do will make that right with him.” He told you, cutting you off.
“Cas-” You tried but he just shook his head.
“You should go back inside, I will be leaving but I am glad to have seen you one last time.” The sadness was so prominent in his voice causing you to frown and squeeze him tighter.
“I’m not leaving you Castiel, so you either come back inside with me or we both leave. It’s your choice.” You told him, leaving absolutely no room for argument.
“Y/N, I couldn’t ask you to-”
“You’re not asking me to do anything Cas, I want to be with you.” You told him, trying desperately to convey your sincerity. You loved the Winchester boys, they were family to you but so was Castiel and he was right, they had each other, it was the way it was suppose to be. Sam and Dean Winchester running the family business, no Castiel, no Y/N. That’s the way the story was supposed to be.
“I cannot go back.” Cas told you causing you to nod and pull away.
“Well then angel, let’s go on our own adventure.” You smiled weakly at him and held your hand out, the smile becoming more genuine as he took your hand in his.
“Where to?” Castiel asked you with his own sad smile.
“Anywhere.” You grinned at him.
You knew that the fight God himself had started was far from over but if the world was going to end then you were going to live life to the fullest and make damn well sure that Castiel did the same. In the life you all lived you couldn’t have regrets, knowing any day would be the last. Castiel squeezed your hand and with that the two of you started a new adventure, one neither of you had ever had before.