Attempt At Humor - Tumblr Posts

When somebody comes over to my house and sees the entirely too large collection of plushes and memorabilia I have accumulated over the years.

r/Relationships DemonKing123

Estimated audience, I (immortal male) am dating a lovely young man (23). We are exquisitely infatuated with each other, and we shall marry next spring on my palace during a full moon as tradition dictates.

Nevertheless, it seems our families despise our engagement. While my fiancee and I hold no blood ties, he happens to be the adopted son of my youngest daughter's ex partner, who is also the biological father of my grandson. My fiancee and I do not care, and we don't agree with these complaints labeling us a home wreckers.

Yet I have found myself receiving false accusations coming from my very own children, who seem to not understand biology or psychology. My fiancee and I met at Paris winters ago, both of us in a moment where family was a bitter memory and we were looking forward to be our own people. It offends me when others dare to imply we fell in love to spite our families, as if we hadn't crushed into each other under the rain and suddenly realized what was missing in our lives.

This is, my estimated audience, why I come here to you and ask: "Is it incest to marry the adoptive child of your daughter's ex boyfriend?

Is it perhaps uncomfortable if my fiancee happens to be the biological son of said ex boyfriend's new wife (my grandson's stepmother?)?

And why would my fiancee and I be wrong, yet my grandson is considered adorable when declaring he will be the one to marry my fiancee?"

SizeQueenTwink F**k your boring family. Marry your fiancee!

CatholicAvenger I believe your family might feel that your relationship holds certain "incest" due to their very own relationships. However, as you said, there are no blood ties. People are just haters, my (ex) boss almost killed me when I dated his adoptive son.

AlienPrince Wait, how did you meet in Paris if he's the adoptive son of your ex son in law??? You never knew your grandson had a stepbrother/adoptive brother??? This sounds weird dude. How old are you??? 🧐

SizeQueenTwink Who caresssssss!!! Age is a social construct. I bet your fiancee is beautiful, intelligent & would adore a big silver diamond ring for the proposal ❣️

DemonHeir Well, maybe your grandson is worthier of your fiancee than you. Have you considered that, old man?

*This conversation has been frozen by an admin*

Ot7 x Y/n Scenario: Crack Chat pt.1

Chat warnings: Attempt at humor? Crack chat!! Brief mention of butt stuffs (nothing explicit!!) Encanto songs!! (Not a warning) Please leave a note, reply or anything counts <33!!

Song #1: Surface Pressure

Song #2 We don't Talk about Bruno

Kook: You know Y/n as many of us there are surely you know some- if not all of us are interested in things dealing with your 3rd hole xD!! (sent 11:23am)

Hobi: JUNGKOOK!!! This was supposed to be a conversation for when we were in person! How crude of you to bring this up while Y/n is at work! (sent 11:24am)

Jiminie: I expected nothing less from that kid. (sent 11:30am)

Kook: You're about as short as a kid Jimin-ssi, really doesn't seem fair you calling me a kid :( (sent 11:31am)

Tae: Jiminie is just height challenged. It's better than brain challenged :p (sent 11:32am)

Kook: I- (sent 11:33am)

Yoongles: I have to agree with Taehyung there Kook, you're all brawn but lack the brain. How rather disappointing :/ (sent 11:34am)

Kook: I didn't sign up for this harassment. This wouldn't be happening if we were in person rather than texting now would it??? Wonder where y'all buying this audacity.. must be on sale this year (sent 11:35am)

Jinnie: Hush childs. I'm trying to meditate and you all are spamming my phone. (sent 11:37am)

Yoongles: Hyung, and I mean this with the most upmost respect, but there's a such thing as a mute button... you might wanna use it :)? Ps. "Childs" is not a word. (sent 11:38am)

Joon: I don't have a clue on what I have entered here, but I wants no part in it. Smh. (sent 11:40am)

Hobi: Pressure like a drip drip drip that'll never stop...woah. (sent 11:42am)

You: Pressure that'll tip, tip, tip, till you just go pop! Woah-oh-oh. (sent 11:45am)

Jiminie: Give it to your sister, your sister's older! (sent 11:46am)

Jinnie: Give her all the heavy things we can't shoulder (sent 11:47am)

You: Who am I if I can't run with the ball? (sent 11:48am)

Kook: ...what -_- (sent 11:49am)

Hobi: Of course you wouldn't be educated about one of the best Disney movies ever...(sent 11:50am)

You: Yeaaah, that's not okay Kook, when I get home you're watching Encanto .. no exceptions!!(sent 11:51am)

Kook: But what about butt stuff :( ? I still wanna know you know(sent 11:52am)

Hobi: Oy vey! Just let it go Kook. Y/n is probably on her break rn & there's no need to kill her appetite with all this "butt stuff." (sent 11:53am)

You: No worries. We'll talk about that in person. Just not in front of my salad ;) (sent 11:54am)

Yoongles: We don't talk about Bruno no no no. We don't talk about Brunooo! (sent 11:55am)

You: BUT! It was my wedding day. (sent 11:56am)

Hobi: It was our wedding day. (sent 11:57am)

Joon: We were getting ready and there wasn't a cloud in the sky! (sent 11:59am)

Hobi: No clouds allowed in the sky. (sent 12:00pm)

You: Bruno walks in with a mischievous grin...(sent 12:02pm)

Hobi: THUNDER!! (sent 12:03pm)

You: You telling this story or am I? (sent 12:04pm)

Joon: I'm sorry mi vida go onnn (sent 12:05pm)

Kook: When did you get married...How rude?! (sent 12:06pm)

Yoongles: On second thought... maybe Bruno's not the issue at hand.. (sent 12:07pm)

Tae: So we not gonna talk about Bruno?? (sent 12:08pm)

You: There's a lot of talk about Bruno :P (sent 12:09pm)

Jiminie: Bruno deserved better... (sent 12:10pm)

Kook: I deserve better!! Why don't you vouch for me?! (sent 12:11pm)

You: Bye Kook ;) (sent 12:12pm)

📸: okay here we go, the theme is HaRDcORe, show me what you got. V?

🐻: *chants in head* rapmonie-hyung said hardcore rappers look mad but confused, mad but confused

📸: that’s… sure, okay. Suga?

🐱: uwansome?

📸: god yes — ah, sorry, continue. Okay whose next…Jin, you don’t really look hardcore but — you know what just serve face that’s actually perfect

🐹: lol I know right, slay

📸: okay then we have, Jung Kook? Should you be in school right now?

🐰: *chants in head* suga-hyung said hardcore rappers say “you want some?” So? Do you?

📸 to 🎬: why does the kid look like he’s about to start tap dancing

🎬: that’s as menacing as he can look, we’ve tried. Maybe more eyeliner…*sprints to Hot Topic*

📸: okay, Rap Monster? You awake?

🐨: *lost in thought* these pretty boys better not fuck this up for us, Jin better be serving FACE goddamnit this is my SHOT whew okay calm down look cool look cool

📸: I guess the droopy hands kind of work…. Uh, okay, “Baby J” — is that right?

🐥: it’s just Jimin now, that sounded tougher 💕 do I look hardcore? 🥺

🎬 to 📸: do you think your team can do something about the anime girl feet in post?

📸: … suure. Alright last one… woah! That’s what I’m talking about! You said his name is J-hope?! He totally fits the concept

🐿️: I’m a rapper now wee hee fun fun I wonder why the photographer looks so intimidated lol oh well and rapper handz

it is now

I wanna fuck my best friend

My askbox, to many, is a bottomless pit that one might cast their deepest, most fucked up confessions into.

Bruce: Clark..how can you do this to me?

Clark: Bruce.. I'm sorry but I have to do it...

Bruce: so at the end you only wanted me for money...I trusted you Clark..

Clark: but Bruce that's the rules of monopoly

Bruce: Ma Kent NEVER RAISED YOU LIKE THAT

Jason: and they call me the drama queen

Tim: did you forgot the time you tried to sell your body because you couldn't pay rent

Dick: says the one who begged not to be put in jail because he has 3 children to take care of

Damian: remember the time when you were asked to pay rent, and you simply said, “baby, I'm not even here, I'm a hallucination”

Jason: at least I didn’t try to sell Superboy off just because I didn't have money

Alfred:[slowly putting the board away] Very well, sir, I believe we've reached a satisfactory conclusion for today

Hal Jordan: so spooky, are you a little spoon or big spoon?

Bruce: I'm a menace, a threat, a shadow vigilante who would beat you up so discreetly that they won't even know it's me. What makes you think I will care about cutlery?

Clark: he is the little spoon

Lois: Clark..why are you wearing a sweater?

Clark: it's a bit chilly today, don't you think?

Lois: [quietly] But it's the middle of June

Perry: uhh…nice fashion you got there, Kent

Clark: [awkwardly] thanks

Sometime later..

Clark: this won't work for long

Bruce: [chuckling sheepishly] Why, what happened?

Clark: why you ask?

[lifts his sweater to show the huge iron press mark]

Clark: you know, people looked at me like I was a lunatic

Bruce: [dying of laughter] I would make sure to do better next time

Clark: by better, you mean not burning it and not you being creative while burning it, right?

Bruce: [feigning innocence] oh my, definitely dear

Clark: that doesn't sound too reassuring..

There are two types of couples

Flash: hey everyone! Me and Hal are officially dating

Wonder woman: congratulations!! 

Clark: I knew it! See I wasn't lying when I told you guys that I saw them holding hands.

Diana: that's cute

Arthur: I also saw Barry trying to kiss Hal with hot Cheetos crumbs

Diana: ok now that's not cute 

Bruce: me and Clark are going to get married tomorrow. You all are invited.

Diana: wow..straight up marriage? Still congratulations!!

Hal Jordan: wait, you guys were even dating?

Diana: what makes you question that?

Hal: I saw him punching supes with a Kryptonite ring

Arthur: even I saw them.

Diana: you also saw him punching?

Arthur: Yeah, I saw them punching each other with...their lips

Hal: ew..

Damian: So, when are you planning to ask him out?

Clark: Ask him out for what?

Dick: Oh, come on now.

Jason: Seriously, man? Really, man? Ask him out for what?

Tim: Okay, to break it down in simple words, we want you to ask Bruce on a date... with the future prospect of proposing to him.

Clark: Um... what makes you guys think this is a good idea?

Dick: No way, you don't know why?

Damian: Look, alien, if it weren't for my dad's eyes lighting up whenever he sees you like his life depends on you, your bones would have been broken—at least once.

Jason: Add kryptonite bullets too.

Dick: And mean memes about Superman.

Tim: Plus maxing out your credit score.

Clark: How did you guys go from suggesting ' I ask him out ' to plotting the downfall of my life?

Jason: See, your handmade pies and cakes are to die for, but our Bruce only wants your built-in cakes and pies.

Tim: Jason, no!

Dick: Jason, slay.

Damian: Clark 0, us 100

Clark: Built-in what?? Never mind, I don't wanna know.

Hal: spooky, what does supes mean?

Bruce: [gripping on batarang] You have known more than enough, Hal. Start counting.

Hal: counting? For what?

Bruce: 10..

Hal: 10 what?

Bruce: 9..[skips to 1]..0

Hal: HEY, that's cheating [already running for his life]

Hal Jordan: so spooky, are you a little spoon or big spoon?

Bruce: I'm a menace, a threat, a shadow vigilante who would beat you up so discreetly that they won't even know it's me. What makes you think I will care about cutlery?

Clark: he is the little spoon

Tim: so why should we select you?

Guy A: I'm rich and handsome

Dick: Bruce is literally a billionaire. are you saying you are more rich than him?

Jason: and handsome? Don't make me laugh you look worse than our family dog.

Guy A: ex-xcuse me??

Damian: you are excused. Now get out

Tim: and what about you?

Guy b: I can protect him

Damian: protect?? dad??

Dick: [scoffs] It's like saying you can protect Batman.

Guy b: but he ain't Batman though

Jason: bitch he might be

Damian: where did you even find these people Tim?

Jason: seriously? imagine saying u can protect Batman

Dick: nah bruh imagine flexing money and looks on Bruce

Tim: ok guys this is the last candidate for the day

Tim: so what makes you special?

Clark: I can cook for him

Jason:[snorts] What if you can cook for him? How can it help our Bruce?

Clark: I'm sorry I'm not as rich as him but I can cook, clean, and care for him

Dick: have you brought anything to claim your statement.

Clark:[places the pie] I brought this Kansas special apple pie-

Damian:[already on his second slice] ae-ets gsoo ghuuud

Jason, Tim, and Dick fighting for the last piece

Clark: uh..soo

Damian:[clears his throat] You are selected.

Dick: Definitely

Jason: prepare your vows

Tim: btw who recommended you? Because you have a really ordinary background

Clark: oh it was Bruce

[collective HUH from batkids]

Clark: [snickering] It was to get approved by you guys

[collective even louder HA]

Clark: [laughing] That's because we are already dating

[collectively yelling WHAT]

Clark: [changing into Superman] hate to leave like this on our first meet but Metropolis needs me

[collective screaming]

Dick: uhh..why is Clark umm..sitting on Bruce's lap

Jason: he came as Santa Claus

Tim: not this year too..

Jason: he asked what's his wish

Dick: don't tell me Bruce again asked for a kiss on his stick for good luck

Jason:[snorting] yeah

Dick: [snickering] When will Clark realize Bruce means his golf stick and not that stick

Tim:[unfazed] Not until Bruce pulls out a ring and asks Clark to wear it as some future Christmas punishment.

Jason: But Bruce is slick for asking Clark to sit on his lap as a punishment this year

Dick: I hope from next year they will stop playing gay chicken

Jason: nah I wanna see how far they gonna go before one of them actually confesses

Tim: easy for you to say, I don't think me going temporarily blind on mission excuse is gonna work next time if I again accidentally walk on them

Dick: Lucky you, I had to pretend I had amnesia for a month. It was hell. Imagine pretending life doesn't suck. Lol can't be me

Jason: not like I didn't walk on them and said 'Good boys go to heaven, bad boys go to Bangkok' and boom he grounded me.

Bruce: ok kids I'm going out on a date with Clark. behave yourself

[few seconds after Bruce left]

Jason: from today on I'm the king of this city. Bow down to me peasants

Tim: bow down huh? Come here let me bow down your head backwards

Jason: you dare to talk back to me, you imbecile. Our fight shall be worthy

Tim: let's meet in the ring, peasant

Damian: On one side we have our penny worth king and on the other hand we have a dime worth peasant. The fight shall begin

Jason: here you go peasant have this +2

Tim[smirking]: bow down to me. *Throws a +4*

Jason[grinning]: huh bow? To you huh? Now suffer

*throws 2 +4*

Tim[pulls out Jason's order history]: checkmate

Jason[laughing maniacally]: any last words? *Pulls out Tim/kon cute pics together*

[loud gasps audio]

Dick[in batman's cape]: order order silence in the court

Jason: your honor this villain has stolen my rightful place as the king.

Tim: objection you honor. It's all a lie. I'm the rightful king. I even have witness with me

Dick: present the witness

Damian[in specs]: your honor I'm Detective Wayne I would say they both are liars. *Removes the specs* it's I, I am the actual king, my lord

Bruce: no your honor, it's me. I'm the real king.

[loud gasps]

Dick[sweating]: haha the court declares Bruce as the king and is now adjourned.

Jason[silently walking away]: yea yea he is the kin-

Bruce[catching Jason]: now as the king, I shall hand over the decree

[collective tsks from kids]

Bruce: my dear subjects, from today on each Friday shall be 'Who dressed up as the best meme' war. The winner shall be awarded adequately.

Damian: it's not like we lack anything father

Bruce: the winner shall be awarded with Batman's affection

[collective screaming]

Jason: this time I shall win

Damian: dream on

Clark[outside window]: can I also participate?

[collective boos]

Bruce: what makes you good for my son?

Kon: what is there that I lack? I'm perfect for your son

Jason: I would say he lacks common sense

Dick[sighing]: describe why you love Tim?

Kon: he is a huge coffee addict, the Robin costume looks ugly but I guess those are the things that make him look hella attractive not to mention he has a great as-

Bruce, Damian, Jason & Dick [ready with their weapons on Kon's neck]: be careful how you finish that sentence

Kon[flying out of the window]: HE GOT A GREAT ASS

[An hour later]

Metropolis reporter: today's breaking news Batman and the Robins are chasing after Superboy while throwing profanities. Oh wait we see Red Hood let's ask him about the situation

Reporter: Red Hood what brings you all to the metropolis today?

Red Hood: oh it's just a family outing to promote tourism to Gotham not like we are trying to make Superboy disappear from the face of the earth and bury him somewhere. Now now where did our Superboy kid run off to now?

Reporter:

[In Kent house hold]

Kon: Dad...you know I love you soo much right?

Clark[sighing]: what did you do this time?

Kon: Dad you gotta protect me they are coming for me

Clark: they who?

Kon: the bat fa-

[Window breaking and batfam entering]

Kon[already using Clark as human shield]: they are here dad

Bruce: Clark stay out of this

Clark[confused]: what did he do for the whole bat family to chase after him

Damian: ask him yourself

Clark: so what did you do?

Kon[shyly grinning]: I complimented Tim's ass..

Clark: I mean I see where you are coming from..I mean Bruce also has a great ass..but that's not the point now.

Dick: guess it's time to end the whole Superman bloodline

Jason: deviation in the plan now it's both dad-son duo

Clark: Can I say something before I die?

Bruce[with kryptonite]: you may speak

Clark: Bruce I always wanted to tell you something, you look really beautiful, and last Thursday, you looked amazing in those black undies.

[Collective batfam screaming and fighting] 

Bruce: my arm fell asleep babe

Clark: *angry grumbles while turning away*

Clark: it would have been better if you would have told me that you don't love me anymore

Bruce: you know what my chest is still available if you wanna grab the opportunity

Clark: *amused* How many others have you told that cheesy line?

Bruce: well actually none..except for a grumpy kryptonite who is running away from me

Clark: Oh my a kryptonite? Wow, who might be that unlucky Kryptonian, successful enough to run away from Mr. Bad Bat?

Bruce: well well who might it be except for good ol’ Kansas farm boy

Clark: my my now he is good after you just called him grumpy huh?

Bruce: well he is grumpy but of course, he is my grumpy kryptonite good ol’ Kansas farm boy *smirking*

Clark: I must say Mr. Wayne has a way with his words

Bruce: of course my cute grumpy boyfriend deserves all of it maybe even more *winks*

Clark: *rolls his eyes* why did I even say that

Bruce: So shall we go for round 2?*all excited*

Clark: I’m sorry Mr. Wayne. But I can only do it with my husband

Bruce: but I’m your husband.

Clark: I don’t remember marrying a weak guy whose arm fell asleep *bombastic side eye*

Bruce: heyyy

we're running out of time to fuck it we ball....

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Super Mario Bros. (Video Games), The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023), Luigi's Mansion (Video Games) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Mario/Princess Peach (Nintendo), Mario & Princess Peach (Nintendo), Princess Daisy/Luigi (Nintendo), Princess Daisy & Luigi (Nintendo), Past Mario/unrevealed character Characters: Mario (Nintendo), Luigi (Nintendo), Princess Peach (Nintendo), Princess Daisy (Nintendo), Toadette (Nintendo), Toad (Nintendo), Toadsworth (Nintendo), Background & Cameo Characters, Yoshi (Nintendo), Professor E. Gadd (Luigi's Mansion) Additional Tags: Mixed Media, it's honestly pretty flexible for anyone's interpretations, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Attempt at Humor, Friendship, Mutual Pining, lol the four of them are such dorks but in different ways, Famine and drought, Blood and Injury, Hiding Medical Issues, Fictional politics, Lies, power-ups, Unreliable Narrator, just a bit, drug references, Some Cursing, Italian Language, Illegal Activities, Self-Destruction, Self-Medication, Anxiety, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spa Treatments, Nausea, References to Drugs, references to other media, Dorks in Love, but before they know it lol, Addiction, Different walks of life because we all come from different places, we can choose for ourselves where we go though :3, To Be Edited, Dirty Jokes, only a little bit and you know who says them lol, Past Relationship(s), Reckless Mario, cute luigi, Madlad Daisy, Strategic Peach, weight loss, Insomnia Summary:

After Bowser’s latest attack on the Mushroom Kingdom, the land becomes empty of its main resource: Super Mushrooms. The emergency stores were pillaged and Winter was approaching, leaving little room for error in Princess Peach’s endeavor to sustain her Kingdom.

Until the supply improves, Mario is determined to continue on, even if it kills him.

Unspoken Accident

It wasn't supposed to be this long but the story ran away from me so 😅

For Snarry Spring Garden Game that is currently happening in HoS because I just had to join. For @danpuff-ao3! Thanks for the prompt. I like the challenge of its 😏

The options are between: Long Prompt: Someone sits on a cactus or Short Prompt: Popsicle

Me literally become that meme: