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Enough for You

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Angstember Prompt -  "I really wish you had told me that before I went and fell in love with you."

In the beginning, like most things were, it was good. It started with the feeling of butterflies in your stomach and your heart skipping a beat, it evolved into realisation of what your feelings were and hope that he could feel the same. It grew into stolen glances and longing until it finally turned into a desperate kiss, your face cupped in his hands and yours gripping the fabric of his robe.

Like all things, it started out good.

Of course once the two of you sorted through your feelings, once the two of you finally sat down together and confessed that you wanted more than friendship, it had to be kept a secret. Neither of you cared about that though, it was nice having something that was only yours. 

And for two years it was good.

You and Anakin hardly had that awkward stage at the beginning of your relationship, the one that consisted of dancing around each other as you got to know one another. You had been friends for years, you had met him when you were ten years old, your Master had fallen ill and had been confined to the Halls of Healing leaving you alone. Anakin had found you one day, struggling to meditate and that’s how Obi-Wan found his Padawan hours later, sat next to you as he taught you as his Master taught him.

From there on you and Anakin had become inseparable, a closeness that had many raising an eyebrow but only voiced concerns quietly to each other. Master Jedi may not have liked how close you were, a friendship that seemed like an attachment, but they couldn’t deny when your Master’s went on missions together you and Anakin worked flawlessly together. 

As the years passed the bond between you and Anakin only got stronger and stronger. The two of you were always at each other's side, training together, exploring the grounds and the Temple, sneaking out together and seeing Coruscant together. There had been occasions where you and Anakin had stolen one of the speeders so Anakin could show off to you, it always ended with you clinging to him as he took corners way too fast and Obi-Wan scolding the pair of you. 

Seven years of friendship seemed to fly by as fast as Anakin on a speeder and suddenly the two of you were seventeen. Neither of you particularly liked looking back on most of your time as seventeen years old, not when it was the first year that saw the two of you distancing yourselves from the other. 

It wasn’t as though you’d had a falling out with each other, it wasn't like you didn’t want to spend your days at his side but it was the first year that you both seemed to make sense of everything you had been feeling. Of course these feelings weren’t new to either of you, you had both been feeling them for years now but before they didn’t seem significant, they didn’t seem like something that needed to be looked into because they didn’t mean anything back then.

But now…now they meant something and you couldn’t be around Anakin without becoming flustered and he couldn’t be around you without flushing and stammering through a sentence. 

It wasn’t a pleasant eight months to say the least. Both of you had become so used to spending seven years attached to each other that to suddenly be without the other was lonely, there wasn’t a better word for it. Both of you were lonely and it was for that reason that you both eventually ended up sitting down with each other and telling each other how you felt.

Obviously it wasn’t an easy conversation. The Jedi had spent years drilling it into your heads about how attachments were wrong, about how loving a singular person was a one way path to the Dark Side. To confess your feelings to each other went against everything you had both been taught and yet it hadn’t stopped you. If any was going to break the Jedi Code then it would come as no shock to anybody that it would be you and Anakin.

After that conversation things quickly went back to normal and you and Anakin easily fell back into each other's lives like you’d never been separated. It worried many of the elder Jedi but others, like Obi-Wan and your own Master, were just relieved after having put up with eight months of grumpy and sad Padawan’s.

It wasn’t hard to keep your relationship a secret. By now you and Anakin knew plenty of hiding places in the Temple and the two of you disappearing for hours had long since stopped concerning people so nobody would come looking for you. It also helped that your Master’s tended to go on missions together so you and Anakin were able to sneak away there and explore the new sights together. There had been plenty of times you’d been in his chambers or him in yours and had nearly been caught locked at the lips but Anakin was quite good at multitasking and was always able to warn you before somebody entered the room, giving you a minute to compose yourselves.

In the time you had been dating Anakin had snuck you out of the Temple more times than you could count, always pulling you along with him to whatever surprise he had planned. Sometimes it was a picnic in a quiet place that took a long time to get to but it was always worth it. Other times it was to explore different things, join celebrations in the city, many times though it was a chance to blend in amongst the crowd and act like a normal couple. 

It might have been annoying at times to hide your relationship, neither you nor Anakin saw how it would lead you to the Dark Side, but you made it work.

And then Master Kenobi walked into his chambers, you and Anakin barely having time to pull away from each other as he did. Master Kenobi looked between the two of you with a look you couldn’t quite discern but it was gone just as quietly as he told you and Anakin you were to watch over the Senator of Naboo.

Anakin immediately beamed at the news causing you to raise an eyebrow but you shrugged it off and instead asking why you were going. It wasn’t rare for you to join Anakin and Obi-Wan on a mission but usually your Master joined though lately it was becoming less often as he got older. Obi-Wan just smiled at you and told you your Master had suggested it to the Council and they had agreed.

It wasn’t long until the three of you were on your way to meet the Senator. You liked to think you knew Anakin pretty well by now, liked to think you could read his easily but now as you stared at him, fingers tugging on the braid as his leg bounced you would have said, easily, that he was nervous. 

But what was there to be nervous about?

Obi-Wan too picked up on Anakin’s nerves as the three of you arrived at the Senate building and entered the turbolift up to the Senator’s apartment, glancing at his Padawan who fidgeted with his robes and tugged on the braid again.

“You seem a little on edge.” Obi-wan prompted, breaking the silence in the lift and you couldn’t help but stand straighter, waiting for Anakin’s response.

“Not at all.” Anakin replied, the words entirely unconvincing to you, causing your eyebrows to knit together as you frowned, folding your arms together. 

Obi-Wan continued on and you listened to the two of them bicker back and forth for a moment before the two of them laughed and Obi-Wan turned towards his Padawan, just looking for a second before he spoke.

“You’re sweating,” He told Anakin and you lifted your head slightly at that, looking at Anakin out of the corners of your eyes and seeing Obi-Wan was right. “Relax, take a deep breath.”

You had a feeling in the pit of your stomach, a bad one, one that felt heavy and cold and you desperately tried to push it away. Nothing had happened, so what Anakin was nervous, so what he was acting like he had when the two of you didn’t speak in the eight months you had drifted apart because of your crush. 

It didn’t mean anything.

“I haven’t seen her in ten years, Master.” Anakin murmured quietly to Obi-Wan and you closed your eyes desperate to fight back any emotion, trying to force everything you were feeling out into the Force. 

Nothing more was said in the turbolift, Obi-Wan just let out a small sigh and Anakin frowned, glancing at you before doing a double take as if he had forgot you were there but you just looked ahead, acting as if you had missed the look before the door opened and you stepped out. 

Seeing the Senator of Naboo only made the cold feeling inside you grow. Of course she was beautiful, with her hair pulled up in an intricate design, his voice soft and light. Her eyes were a beautiful shade of brown that seemed to light up as she looked at Anakin, looked at Ani. 

Of course she was beautiful. 

Anakin himself seemed even more nervous than he had been in the turbolift. As he addressed her a smile came across his face, shy and sweet and adoring. Then he went and called her beautiful and he wasn’t wrong but it still twisted the knife you felt had been plunged into you. 

Obi-Wan glanced away as Anakin stumbled over his words, a look on his face as if to say what in the stars is he doing before it was replaced by a concerned look as he took in the look on your face. You thought you were doing a better job at hiding it but apparently not, apparently there was enough hurt, enough jealousy and fear on your face to give something away. 

You forced yourself again to expel your feelings into the Force, perhaps too forcefully if the way Anakin turned to you and Obi-Wan’s raised eyebrows meant anything.

“Ah Senator, this is Padawan Y/F/N Y/L/N, she will be assisting in the protection of your safety.” Obi-Wan introduced you softly, sparing you another concerned glance but you forced a neutral look onto your face before bowing your head towards the Senator.

“It’s nice to meet you, Y/N.” She said in that soft tone of hers, a warm smile on her face as she held a hand out for you.

“Pleased to meet you, Senator.” You replied evenly, swallowing against the lump in your throat you reached out and shook her hand.

Obi-Wan began discussions about Padmé’s protection with Captain Typho and you listened half-heartedly though you didn’t take much in. You sat on one side of Obi-Wan and Anakin sat on the other, something which made Obi-Wan raise an eyebrow but as he looked at Anakin he saw his gaze was focused on Padmé and you were much more interested in your fingers playing with your robes than you were with him.

“-not to start an investigation.” You heard Obi-Wan tell the Senator but then Anakin quickly interrupted him in a way he wouldn't have had the Senator been anybody else.

“We will find out who’s trying to kill you Padmé.” At those words you glanced up, looking over far enough to see Obi-Wan’s look of disapproval, disapproval that only deepened at Anakin’s next words. “I promise you.”

As Obi-Wan argued against Anakin’s words you couldn’t help but look away again, not baring to look at Anakin or Padmé. He was trying to impress her, his mission here wasn’t about finding the person trying to kill her it was only to protect and yet here he was jumping at the chance to do as she asked, the chance to gain her favour. 

You knew it all too well because it was what he had done with you, in an effort to impress you any time you said you wanted something Anakin wouldn’t hesitate to do it in hopes that you would like him more. Of course you hadn’t realised that was what he was doing until after you were dating but now you saw it clear as day.

The cold feeling in your stomach only grew as Anakin argued with Obi-Wan, desperate to find the person trying to kill the Senate. You hated the sudden stinging in your eyes and your lips quivered as you tried to fight tears back. There was no use getting upset, you could still be blowing this out of proportion.

And yet something told you you weren’t. You didn’t have a good feeling about this mission.

It wasn’t long until everyone retired from the meeting leaving you, Anakin and Obi-Wan alone. Anakin went out to the balcony and Obi-Wan followed behind him. You stayed where you were on the sofa, barely noticing them leave as your mind was clouded with sadness and anger. 

Perhaps this is why the Jedi didn’t let you fall in love, to form attachments. 

Of course you weren’t planning on falling to the Dark Side just because Anakin had a crush on the Senator but you could see how a Jedi could fall. How the anger and pain at losing a loved one in such a way, a way that would create jealousy and hatred, could lead to a Jedi falling. 

You loved Anakin with all your heart. At first it had scared you just how much power Anakin held over you, how he had the ability to break you with just a few words but then months passed, beautiful and joyous months that settled your nerves. He was it for you, there would never be another.

You had once thought he felt the same for you.

He said he hadn’t seen the Senator for ten years, a year before he met you. All that time he had spent with you she was somewhere in his mind, however distant, she was there. You had seen his face when she spoke to him, the guilt as he glanced at you in the turbolift, he had always had her in his mind.

Whilst your entire heart was his, he only shared a bit of his with you, some part of it always belonged to her even if he had been but a child when he first met her.

You lay on the sofa, facing the back of it and closed your eyes but it did nothing to stop the tears that slid from them and it took all your effort to cry silently, to push the sobs you felt down. 

You had never been his, not in the way he had been yours. 

“I’d much rather dream about Padmé.” You heard Anakin tell Obi-Wan as they stepped closer to the main room, “just being around her again is intoxicating.”

“And what of Y/N?” You heard Obi-Wan ask and your blood ran cold again as you forced yourself to relax as they entered the room, not wanting them to know you were awake. You missed the questioning glance Anakin shot towards Obi-Wan, surely the man couldn’t know. “I would have thought after spending so many years at her side, Padmé wouldn’t have filled your thoughts.”

Anakin was silent for a long moment, a moment that you spent trying to stay quiet, even as sobs built up in your throat.

“Of course when I’m with Y/N it’s different. They’re so different from each other that Padmé doesn’t cross my mind all that often but I still think about her. I still dream about her some days, the angel I met on Tatooine.” Anakin’s words had you pleading with the Force, desperate to stay silent even as you felt your heart break. “Y/N is my best friend but compared to Padmé-”

“And here I thought Y/N meant more to you than that.” Obi-Wan murmured thoughtfully, causing Anakin to still and turn to face his Master.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Anakin asked defensively.

“Nothing, young Padawan, just that I have spent years watching you and Y/N, watching as your friendship grew. I suggest if you feel this way for Padmé you tell Y/N how you feel. Not that it should matter of course, you swore your commitment to the Jedi Order, a commitment that forbids attachment, not that I need to remind you of that, right Padawan?” You felt your heart skip a beat at Obi-Wan’s words because he knew- he knew about you and Anakin.

There was no doubt about it, Obi-Wan had to know why else would bring you up at all? If you were truly just a friend to Anakin why would he have to tell you that he loved the Senator. Obi-Wan knew about you and Anakin, how long had he known? Why had he let the two of you carry on instead of turning you over to the Council for such a blatant breach of the Code?

“Of course not, Master. I am well aware of the Code.” Anakin told him evenly, glancing away from his Master.

As the two of them spoke you felt something shift, a disturbance that had you frowning as you tried to figure out whether it was something in the Force warning you of danger or if it were simply your own emotions.

“I sense it too.” You heard Obi-Wan say and you sat up in time to see them running into the Senator’s room. 

You quickly wiped your eyes on your robe and followed behind them and watched as Anakin pulled his lightsaber out, dealing with whatever had been about to harm the Senator. 

You were able to ignore your feelings as you took in the scene but then Obi-Wan told you to watch over the Senator as he and Anakin went to track down the droid and though you hated the thought you nodded and watched them leave.

You glanced at the Senator and found the feelings slamming into you, the pain and the hurt and the anger all too overwhelming.

“Are you alright?” Padmé asked you, even in the darkness of the room she could see the redness of your eyes.

“Just fine.” You told her evenly, voice coming out cold as you tried to choke back your emotions, scanning the room once before leaving. The Senator followed behind you, though you wished she’d just go back to sleep so you could have a minute alone to process everything.

“You don’t like me much, do you?” She asked, sitting on the sofa opposite you.

“I don’t know you.” You answered as close to the truth as you could get because the truth was no, you didn’t like her all that much. How could you? You were more than aware it wasn’t her fault, she was beautiful, what had Anakin called her, an angel?

He was right about that and you hated it. 

“And yet you look at me like I’m your enemy.” She told you and you couldn’t help but frown as you looked away from her. “Does this have something to do with Ani?”

Ani, you hated the way the word fell from her lips like it was familiar. 

“No, Senator. Like I said I don’t have a problem with you, I don’t know you. You really should go back to sleep.” You told her, still not able to bring yourself to look at her, knowing if you did you would only be able to compare yourself to her, to wonder what she had that you didn’t.

Why was she good enough for Anakin and you weren’t? You who had spent years at his side, years giving him all your love, giving him your heart.

“I can hardly sleep after another attempt on my life.” She told you lightly and you could feel her gaze on you. All you wanted to do was leave, to make her look away, to scream and cry and curse the world but you couldn’t do any of that right now. “Besides, I'd much rather talk to you, to find out why you don’t like me.”

You took a deep breath, forcing your emotions into the Force again but there were too many and they just kept building up and you knew eventually they’d explode from you. You needed to be alone desperately, all you wanted was to be alone.

“It is Anakin, isn’t it?” She pushed and if she kept prodding you knew she would be the one your emotions turned on. “Wait, do you like Anakin? I didn’t think the Jedi were-”

You couldn’t take it, you couldn’t listen to her piece the situation together, couldn’t listen as she laughed at how foolish someone like you was for falling for someone like Anakin when someone like her existed. 

You stood abruptly from your seat causing Padmé to say your name softly but you ignored her and strode from the room, ignoring as the Senator called after you. You knew Obi-Wan would scold you for this later, for leaving the Senator alone barely ten minutes after her assassination attempt. You knew if something happened to her you’d have more problems than a telling off from Obi-Wan but right now you didn’t care.

All you cared about was being as far away from her and from Anakin and from everybody as you could be. 

You eventually found an empty room not too many floors down from the Senator’s apartment. The view was beautiful but you hardly noticed it as you sat on the floor, the only light coming from the floor to ceiling windows. 

You let your eyes fall closed, let all your emotions come to the surface and let the tears fall down your cheeks uncontrollably. A few sobs may have escaped you but you didn’t hear them as you tried to push your feelings into the Force but you couldn’t, they were too strong and they seemed to cling to you, making you feel every bit of them.

You didn’t know how long passed until the door opened as somebody sat next to you. You knew it was Anakin, you knew what he felt like in the Force better than you knew yourself. The feeling in the pit of your stomach seemed at its heaviest, at its coldest and you really didn’t have a good feeling about this conversation.

You knew what was going to happen, knew it had to happen and yet you were completely unprepared. You had never had to be without Anakin, even in those few months you had grown apart you didn’t cut yourself off from him completely but after this you didn’t know if you could look at him again without breaking down.

“You love her.” You said stoically when it became clear he wasn’t going to speak first.

“I don’t want to.” He told you, voice shaking as he spoke and you couldn’t help the huff of laughter that left you.

“But you love her.” You said, voice breaking as tears continued to fall down your cheeks.

“I love you too.” He pleaded with you, desperate for you to know that. 

“But you love her more, right? Otherwise I would have been enough for you. If you loved me as much as I love you then there wouldn’t be room for another in your heart.” You had yet to open your eyes, you didn’t think you could look at him, not with your emotions this close to the surface.

“I can’t help it, Y/N. If I could get rid of my feelings for her I would have done it years ago but I can’t. She’s always in my mind, sometimes she’s in my dreams and seeing her again brought those feelings forward again.” Anakin told you, sniffing as he fought back his own tears.

“I really wish you had told me that before I went and fell in love with you. I wish you cared enough about me to spare my feelings, to spare me the humiliation-” 

“I didn’t know I was going to meet her again! I thought I’d never see her again and I love you. I love you dearly, Y/N, don’t ever think I don’t.” Anakin exclaimed and you finally opened your eyes.

He was sat next to you, tears falling down his cheeks as he stared at you with wide eyes but you shook your head.

“You don’t love me, Anakin.” You told him coldly, forcing your tears to stop if only for a few moments, “You don’t because I love you and I know that I would never do this to you. You were the only person I cared for this much, the only person I loved enough to break the Code for. I would have done anything for you, Anakin, anything. Now I feel as though I’m looking at a stranger.” 

“Come on Y/N, please don’t say that. I love you, all our years together-”

“We’re nothing more to you than a distraction from Padmé!” You exclaimed standing up and wiping your eyes angrily. 

“Don’t say that!” Anakin shot back, standing up as well.  “Don’t ever say that, don’t think it. My time with you was real, it was honest, every moment and every word of it. Don’t erase it now, Y/N.”

“Two years we have been together, loved each other for much longer. You were my best friend, Anakin.” You told him, your voice breaking as he stared at you with wide, pleading eyes. “You knew her for moments compared to us, met her when you were only a child and yet somehow she is more important to you than I could ever be.”

“Y/N,” He pleaded with you but no other words came out of his mouth.

“You broke my heart Anakin. I always knew you had the power to do it but, stars, I never thought you actually would.” You laughed, a sad sob of a laugh. “I really hope she was worth it Anakin, I hope she makes you so happy.” 

“Come on Y/N, please don’t do this.” Tears continued to fall from his eyes as he pleaded with you but you shook your head.

“I’m not the one doing this, Anakin. You’re the one who let me fall in love with you whilst your heart belonged to another. This is all on you. You are the reason I have lost not only the love of my life but my best friend too.” You told him, your voice breaking again as you fought tears back.

“I’m sorry.” He told you, his voice barely above a whisper and you shook your head, turning to leave the room, sparing him one last glance. 

“I really hope she’s worth it.” You told him, a smile, shaky and filled with sadness and bitterness and anger spreading across your face as Anakin’s eyes fell closed and you left the room, leaving behind the man you loved with a broken heart and tears falling from your eyes.

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Hi all!!

I'm currently trying to find this angst anakin skywalker x reader fiction. All I remember about it is that the reader was in a sorority in college and anakin was in a fraternity, they were both dating until the reader found anakin and padme together in the bathroom and the reader ends up slapping anakin bc he basically used them. Ik later on in the fic, the reader sees them together at a party. I've been looking for it everywhere, but no luck 😭

(I also believe it was based off a song and was part of a October or November series if that makes sense)

I love you 🤍🤍