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I'll Be There

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Prompts - "Are you hurt?"

It had taken years for a Master to take you on as their Padawan, most had heard the rumours that you took the Jedi Code as more of a suggestion than a set of rules to live by, they knew you let yourself feel things more deeply than was allowed and you seemed to form an attachment to anybody you came across. No Master wanted to take on your responsibility, no Master wanted to be defeated by a Padawan, knowing that you would never change how you saw the world.

It wasn’t a surprise to any of the Master’s when Obi-Wan was the one to take you on as his Padawan a few years after Anakin had been knighted, nobody was surprised at all. If Obi-Wan had managed to survive Anakin Skywalker, had managed to raise and train that boy into a Jedi Knight then there was no doubt he could train you, the man’s patience would truly be tested. 

You hadn’t wanted a Master, hadn’t wanted somebody who thought they could change everything about you, hadn’t wanted to be around another person who would give you disappointed looks and sighs of disapproval every time you expressed emotions. You’d heard all about Obi-Wan though, of course you had, he was a hero in the war, he was The Negotiator. You knew how admired he was, how desperately so many Padawan’s wanted him to be their Master and for some reason he had chosen you.

There had been many times where you had considered your own future, wondered why you remained in the Order when every day you saw it stray further and further from what it was supposed to be. You figured you were waiting for something to change, every time you meditated on it, it felt like the Force was pleading with you to stick around a little longer, to wait it out, whispers of promises and a bright future, one without pain and devastation, one where a faceless figure wasn’t crying out in pain, surrounded by flames and burning and pain and loss. 

The Force liked to show you the future in the worst way possible, you could never make it out. The Force Visions always hit you hard, always seemed to speak to you, of the fact that you had the ability to change not only the outcome of the war but also the outcome of the future of the galaxy. Why it trusted you with these visions you didn’t know, sometimes you wished you had never seen them, at least then you could have left the Order, put your abilities towards something good, to actually helping people instead of being trained to fight in a war.

You were one of the eldest Padawan’s without a Master but it didn’t bother you, you hadn’t needed a Master. You spent all your free time learning, there was always something new to learn and you were determined to be as good as you could be, Master or no Master.

When you were told Obi-Wan was to be your new Master you knew it would mean being thrust into the heart of the war. It hadn’t scared you, you knew you were good and could defend yourself and those around you but you were anxious, you had never left Coruscant since you had arrived, had never actually been in battle before outside of make believe ones set up in the Temple.

Obi-Wan was kind, that was the first word that seemed to come to mind when you met him. He was soft spoken and listened intently as you spoke about your training. He had a few days leave in order to meet you and see where you were up to and hadn’t wasted a moment. The first day you met he had you in one of the training rooms, the two of you duelling until Obi-Wan tucked his lightsaber away and regarded you with an impressed look before inviting you to meditate with him.

As connected with the Force as you where you had rarely mediated with another person, you could count the number of times you had on one hand. Usually it was a difficult task compared to being alone, you struggled to sink into a peaceful state, too aware of others around you but when sat across from Obi-Wan you found it was easier. You could feel his Force signature but unlike everyone else’s it wasn’t distracting, instead it was inviting, the Force telling you that you could trust him and so you let yourself sink down into the feeling of the Force and let your mind wander.

From there it had been easy to allow Obi-Wan into your life, he was the first person you had met who didn’t seem to judge or criticise you. You actually liked being around him, not only for the comfort his Force signature gave off, calming you down easily, but because he treated you like you were normal, he was there with gentle words and soft solutions, easy smiles, and a welcoming pat on the shoulder. It made the shift from the temple to being in the middle of a war easier.

Then there was his former Padawan.

You had met Anakin on your first day leaving the Temple, Obi-Wan’s time on leave coming to an end which meant your time at the Temple was too coming to an end. Obi-Wan had led you to a ship and your eyes widened at just how many clones were there, all working on loading the ship. Obi-Wan had told you that two battalions would be coming on the latest mission, his own was the 212th and Anakin’s battalion the 501st. 

He scanned the area before he found who he was looking for and you watched as an easy smile spread across his face before he gestured for you to follow him. You hadn’t been looking where you were going, too focused on your surroundings that you bumped into Obi-Wan causing you to snap around to him, a sheepish look on your face causing him to chuckle before he turned back to the young man in front of him. 

Your breath almost caught in your throat, of course you’d seen pictures of this man, his face was slapped across the city, the Hero With No Fear, and yet somehow you weren’t prepared to come face to face with him. He was beautiful, truly and utterly beautiful, he was a man whose company you could spend hours in, memorising every part of his face until you knew it like the back of your hand.

You had never particularly held the Jedi Code in the highest of regards, you found it easy to fall in love, you fell in love with the way a stranger laughed, fell in love with how children danced around the markets without a care in the world, oblivious to the war beyond the planet, you fell in love with everything. You formed attachments to things just as easily as you fell in love, the young girl you had saved by scarring of traffickers and she had insisted on buying you a sweet treat, the two of you laughing enough to forget how you had ended up there, the sweet twi'lek child who you had helped calm and reunite with his parents, the healer at the Temple who always smiled at you each time you went to her after a bad training session that left you with more cuts and bruises than you could even recall.

Even if you had followed the Code down to each letter you truly believed that one meeting with Anakin Skywalker, one flash of that easy going but charming grin he was shooting you now, would be enough for you to turn your back on it all together. You knew he played fast and loose with the Code too and hoped that it would work in your favour. 

For now though you shook your head slightly, forcing your attention back to the present as Obi-Wan introduced you to Anakin.

“It’s nice to meet you Y/N.” He grinned, reaching out and placing his hand on your shoulder. You were sure you felt the Force singing with happiness around you at the small touch but it could have just been you. “Good luck with Obi-Wan here as your Master.”

You laughed at the look Obi-Wan gave Anakin, one that spoke of many years of friendship even as he tried to look annoyed.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” You smiled, voice soft as you felt shyness running through you and Anakin must have sensed it too as his grin softened to a smile and he squeezed your shoulder gently before pulling away.

You missed his touch already.

With another shake of your head and a mental command to pull yourself together you followed Obi-Wan and Anakin into the ship, being introduced to different clones along the way and doing your best to remember them. 

It wasn’t long after that you were in the air and leaving the planet, two Clones coming up to greet Anakin and Obi-Wan and you were introduced to them, Captain Rex and Commander Cody. You had smiled at them, both of them greeting you formally causing you to smile, you weren’t anybody important and yet they still stood straighter as they addressed you.

The journey only lasted a few hours and you spent most of the time trying to keep out of the way as the two Jedi, two clones and the Admiral who all stood around a holomap and discussed different strategies and entry points. 

“Nervous?” Somebody asked suddenly causing you to jump before turning to see Anakin stood next to you, a smile on his face.

“Is it that noticeable?” You asked, watching as his smile grew wider and you couldn’t stop yourself from mirroring the expression.

“You’ve got Obi-Wan to protect you, don’t worry he won’t let anything happen to you, neither will any of the men and of course, I’ll be there. The first mission is always hard though.” He told you, completely unaware that his words of comfort had made your heartbeat faster and no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t slow it. “Just stay close and make sure you don’t wander too far off.”

“I think I can manage that.” You told him with a grin and tried to memorise the sound of his laugh, watching how his face seemed to light up.

One of the clones announced that you would be landing in a matter of minutes and Anakin turned to you, his grin fading into an encouraging smile as he reached over to rest his hand on your shoulder again, giving it a gentle squeeze before he led you over to Obi-Wan who smiled at the two of you.

Your first mission had gone…well it hadn’t gone great but it also wasn’t terrible. Even as you followed Anakin’s advice you still ended up nursing a broken arm from where you had been surrounded by battle droids after Obi-Wan had told you to stay hidden where you were whilst him and clones from the 212th handled the droids. 

You had fared well enough on your own for a while, able to hold off and destroy the few that had surrounded you but when more spotted the lone Jedi it hadn’t been long until you were outnumbered and as confident as you were with your skills you hadn’t been trained for real life situations and it was definitely more overwhelming than you’d originally thought.

One had managed to sneak up on you and sent you flying into one of the many tall rocks surrounding you and you’d managed to land funny on your good arm sending a shooting pain through you that had you crying out. You couldn’t let yourself focus on it though, not as the droids surrounded you and you forced yourself up, ignoring the burning pain and focused on the droids.

Thankfully the 501st caught up to Obi-Wan’s battalion pretty quickly and before you could register it Anakin had jumped over the droids, moving so he was back to back with you and throwing you a grin over his shoulder.

“Jumping right in then, huh, Y/N?” He chuckled and you couldn’t help but smile back at him, even with the ache in your arm as you waved your lightsaber through two droids.

“I like a challenge.” You grinned right back before the two of you focused your attentions on the fighter droids, you finding it was much easier to deal with them once you had a bit of back up.

You and Anakin dealt with them easily enough after that, the two of you surrounded by broken droid parts just as Obi-Wan showed up and looked at the mess. Anakin slung his arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to him as he led you over to Obi-Wan whilst the troopers made their way to the building that had been taken over by Separatists.

“She did well out there, Obi-Wan.” Anakin said, smiling down at you and you desperately tried to not let it show just how much this closeness was affecting you, how the feel of his arm around you, holding you close would be a feeling you would try to remember for a long time.

“Are you alright?” Obi-Wan asked softly, looking you up and down as to check for injuries.

You knew the mission wasn’t over yet, knew that there were more droids inside to deal with and you wanted to help, you didn’t want to be benched on your first mission. So you ignored the pain in your arm and nodded at the man.

“I’m fine, Master.” You told him and watched as he looked at you for a second longer before nodding back and gesturing for you and Anakin to follow the troopers into the building.

Anakin only removed his arm from your shoulder when more droids appeared but he made sure to keep you close to him, positioning himself so he was taking on the brunt of the droids, members of his battalion coming over to help. You forced yourself to focus, there would be plenty of time to let your thoughts wander about Anakin later but now you were in the middle of a battle.

With the number of clones and having three Jedi it wasn’t a long battle against the droids, though it felt longer as more and more seemed to flood from different doors, and eventually the control of the building, as well as the planet was back with the Republic. 

You were glad that the battle was done, your arm was aching, shooting pains ran up and down it and when you peaked under your sleeve you winced at how swollen and bruised it was already. Thankfully you knew it would be a quick fix once you got back to Coruscant but you had no idea if you were even going back there or if Obi-Wan had another mission planned already.

Anakin finished talking to one of the clones before he scanned the room, you watched as his eyes locked onto you and he shot you a grin as he made his way over to you, not hesitating to wrap his arm around your shoulder again, this time brushing against your arm causing you to wince and he pulled back immediately.

“Are you hurt?” He asked, his eyes scanning you up and down much like Obi-Wan had before.

“It’s nothing.” You told him, trying to brush it off but he caught your hand in his gently and you forced yourself to stay still, to not react.

Anakin carefully pulled your sleeve up, pausing to look up at you apologetically when you winced again only to wince himself as he saw your bruised and swollen arm.

“Ouch.” He hissed, his thumb brushing soothingly across your knuckles causing you to smile softly. “Come one, Kix will fix you right up once we’re back on the ship.” 

You smiled over at him as he pulled you along with him, your hand fitting in his like it was part of a puzzle piece and you tried to keep the smile off your face, tried to stop yourself from glancing down to memorise how his fingers looked tangled in yours but you couldn’t help but let your eyes wander.

Even when the two of you got back to the ship and Anakin led you over to a clone, Kix, your mind supplied, he didn’t leave you even though you knew he was supposed to be with Obi-Wan reporting back to the Council. He sat by your side and kept a hold of your good hand, letting his thumb brush across your knuckles, until Kix had patched you up, smiling at you and warning you to take it easy as you left.

You knew from that day something had changed, the Force around you seemed to soar when you and Anakin were near each other, practically buzzing with happiness whenever you touched. It was like something significant had happened, something you weren’t even aware of and you didn’t question it, if it meant that having Anakin around then you weren’t complaining.

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Prompts - Seems like there's always someone who disapproves, they'll judge it like they know about me and you

It was no secret, no matter how much it had started as one, that you and Obi-Wan shared a bond deeper than friendship, a bond that seemed to run soul deep, unable to be broken by the Force itself. It was a bond that had been forming for many years now, somehow still growing bigger and more stable as time went on. You’d felt drawn to Obi-Wan, the Padawan a few years older than you who hadn’t hesitated to take you under his wing as you arrived at the Temple, the Padawan who you spent each day with. 

Master Qui-Gon had watched his Padawan carefully, the man was far more lenient with the way of the Jedi, with the code they should follow. He was content to sit back, to watch as his Padawan grew up and began to navigate his feelings for the younger Padawan he had befriended years ago. He knew the Council didn’t like it, he saw the weary looks that were shot your way as you and Obi-Wan were more than happy to sit alone together, blocking out the rest of the room, the rest of the world, to focus on each other.

Master Windu had warned him more times than he could count that he should put an end to this friendship, that nothing good would come from whatever it would grow into, Qui-Gon had quietly disagreed as he looked to his young Padawan, he thought the bond that was forming would only mean great things. Master Yoda had also pulled him aside to speak of attachments and what that would lead to and again Qui-Gon let him talk but ultimately did nothing to stop the two of you from being friends.

He had always known the two of you would be more than friends, it was rare for Jedi to create the kind of bond the two of you had, to be able to speak freely between your minds, to feel each other’s emotions as if they were your own and yet when Obi-Wan had confided in him that such a bond existed, fear clear on his face that Qui-Gon would march the two of you to the Council and order the bond to be broken, Qui-Gon wasn’t surprised. He wasn’t surprised that the two of you were so deeply entwined with each other, he had been shocked to learn just how developed the bond was but not shocked by its existence. 

You and Obi-Wan weren’t foolish, you weren’t oblivious to the stares and the whispers that were sent your way, you just didn’t care enough to put a stop to them, why should you? It wasn’t forbidden to be friends and you and Obi-Wan had grown up side by side, hardly ever without the other. 

Whilst Master Qui-Gon was supportive, encouraging whatever was happening between Obi-Wan and yourself, your own Master had tried for many years to put a stop to it. It hadn’t worked, of course, his attempts only managed to put a strain on your relationship with your Master until you found yourself training alongside Master Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, much more content to learn at Obi-Wan’s side.

For years you had remained oblivious to your feelings, content to just have Obi-Wan at your side and bask in the friendship he offered to you. It was only as you grew older that you realised just how deeply you liked him, realised that the bond the two of you shared was a gift from the Force and not something just anybody could do. Even when you didn’t know just how deeply you felt for Obi-Wan you knew you had formed an attachment to him years ago, you knew that attachment had formed the day he smiled at you and offered to show you around. You knew the attachment was strong, knew that if something ever happened to Obi-Wan you would turn the galaxy upside down for him without hesitation.

Obi-Wan knew he felt the same for you. After countless nights of staring up at the ceiling, confused and scared that he was a terrible Jedi but not wanting to give you up he had finally sat down with his own Master, thankful that the man was much more relaxed about the Code and encouraged him to see where the Force would lead you and him. It was a conversation he needed, one that he could meditate on after being assured that not all attachments were bad, after Qui-Gon had asked him if he felt like his relationship to you would lead Obi-Wan down a dark path. Obi-Wan knew that if anything happened to you he would be devastated, he would be heartbroken, his whole world would become empty but he didn’t think it was bad, he didn’t think it was a dark attachment, he didn’t feel possessive over you, he only felt fondness, he felt happy and light, he felt love and loved in return.

Obi-Wan liked to think he was a good Jedi, he liked to think he followed the rules and would make a good Knight one day and yet he saw the disapproving stares of the Masters as the two of you wandered the halls together, he felt their weariness through the Force and doubted himself. It never lasted long though, only until he saw you again and you made the risk of not being a perfect Jedi worth it.

Years passed and you and Obi-Wan continued to grow closer. The two of you were practically one with each other, if you were looking for Y/N, all you had to do was find the Kenobi boy and vice-versa, people hardly spoke only one of your names, instead they said Y/N and Obi-Wan because that’s how it was, it was always the two of you. 

The Jedi Council had spent years frowning and disapproving but had never outright said anything to either you or Obi-Wan, they had spoken to your Master’s about their thoughts but nothing beyond that. It was something that was monitored carefully as if they were waiting for one of you to slip and turn to the Dark Side. You silently thought it was stupid of them to be so mistrustful of the two of you, whilst between you and Obi-Wan you were the more reckless and far more lenient with the rules, neither of you had shown any signs from straying from the Light Side, Force forbid you love the boy you had spent all your days with though.

The day you and Obi-Wan finally stopped dancing around your feelings and spoke about them was rather anti-climactic. With how built up the whole situation was, with how much disapproval was surrounding the bond you shared it felt like when Obi-Wan had cupped your cheek in his hand and pulled you in for a soft and slow kiss that something ground shaking should have happened, something beyond the fireworks and butterflies you felt. It felt like you were supposed to pull back and see a Sith eyes staring back at you or were meant to feel angry and murderous, instead you felt happier than ever pulling back and sharing a wide smile with Obi-Wan being pulling him back to you.

You had agreed quickly though that it stayed between the two of you, best not to give the Council a reason to act on their feelings. Keeping it a secret was easy enough as nothing seemed to change between you two, only that now you could actually kiss him whenever you wanted to. Your chambers were much too dangerous however, what with your Master still hating your connection with Obi-Wan, at least with Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon was more than used to seeing you in their quarters, though the first time he had walked in on the two of you making out of the sofa had left you and Obi-Wan blushing madly and refusing to so much as look at the Jedi Master for days after much to his amusement. 

As time passed you and Obi-Wan only became closer and you couldn’t understand just why the Jedi forbid attachments but kept silent on the matter. In all the years you’d known Obi-Wan nothing seemed bad about your connection and yet all it took was one day to show you exactly why the Jedi Order didn’t allow relationships like the one you shared with Obi-Wan.

It was how you found yourself in the turbolift surrounded by other Jedi who shot you looks but ultimately remained silent. The silence was so loud, you knew they all knew what had happened, knew you had been called to the Council room and their silence made you want to get out at the next stop and take the stairs just to be away from them. You wished Obi-Wan was with you, wished he was there to take your hand in his and whisper through your bond that everything would be alright even if it wouldn’t. He wasn’t there though, instead you were stuck in the turbolift giving you time to the strangers who glared and stared at you.

When the door finally opened you didn’t rush from the turbolift, instead you walked at your normal pace, forcing one foot in front of the other and held your head high as you made your way to the Council room. Though you looked calm inside you were terrified, surely they wouldn’t force you to leave but when it came to attachments the Jedi weren’t known to brush it off, it was a wonder you and Obi-Wan had been allowed so much leeway this long. You were sure you mostly had Master Qui-Gon to thank for that, knowing the man had been taking the brunt of complaints for years and yet had never once discouraged yours and Obi-Wan’s relationship.

You were really glad the man was in the meeting today.

It didn’t take too long before you were stood before the Jedi Council, cold looks sent your way but the Master’s shields were so secure you couldn’t feel their emotions, couldn’t determine just how bad this was going to be for you. You stood in silence, waiting for one of them to speak first, waited for them to express their disapproval, to judge every aspect of your relationship with Obi-Wan like they were privy to the ins and outs of it.

“Reckless, young Padawan, you have been.” Master Yoda spoke finally and even as every part of you wanted to shrink against the words, wanted to curl in on yourself, you refused and instead stood straight, pushing your shoulders back and swallowed around the lump in your throat.

“Many lives, you jeopardised. The mission, all for Padawan Kenobi, you risked.” You knew he was right, you couldn’t argue with his words but you stuck by your actions.

What should have been a simple mission with Obi-Wan aiding Master Qui-Gon on a diplomatic trip ended with Obi-Wan and the Senator being capture for days on end with the Council doing little to help, having no ransom demands, no threats, or taunts to go on and no trail to follow.

You had gone to them and told them you could help but they had brushed you aside. You knew if Qui-Gon had been there he would have allowed you to speak but he was still on the planet Obi-Wan had been taken from. 

You could feel nothing but pain coming from the bond between you and Obi-Wan, feeling it as if it were your own. You tried to call to him but he never answered and you couldn’t blame him, not when you could feel the pain and torture he was feeling. You tried to send as much positivity, positivity you didn’t even feel, through the bond, not even sure if he could feel it through the pain but you needed him to know he would be ok, that you were going to get him one way or another.

Stealing a ship wasn’t your finest moment but you could feel Obi-Wan slipping away as each day went by, all the while the Council sat in their meeting room, trying to find out where Obi-Wan was. You had never had to locate Obi-Wan using your bond, there had never been a need for it when you spent every day together, give or take mission days, but you knew you could do it, you knew you could find him.

And you had found him, he wasn’t the only one who had been taken, there were many citizens in the holding place. You hardly spared them a second glance, focus only on finding Obi-Wan so much so that you didn’t hear the person sneaking up behind you, only barely avoiding the blaster shot and watching as it hit a Twi’lek, her body slumping over but you didn’t have time to dwell on it as you pulled your lightsaber out and deflected more blaster shots, not even looking at the bodies around you.

Eventually you were surrounded on all sides and were giving as good as you got, only pausing when you felt your bond with Obi-Wan fill with a pain that almost sent you to your knees before the bond stuttered. Panic surged through you and it hadn’t taken you long to deal with the people shooting at you, leaving their bodies behind as you let the Force guide your way to Obi-Wan.

You froze in the doorway, only able to stare at his body trapped in a containment field, he was being forced upright but his body still sagged in pain, blood pouring from his lip and he looked a mess. Before you could even think about walking towards him a blaster shot ran past your head forcing you to look away from Obi-Wan and begin fighting with the only person in the room with him, as well as the two droids either side of him.

This was the first time you had ever been in a situation like this, one where you had to fight without a Master overseeing your actions but you didn’t have time to dwell on it, didn’t have time to think about anything other than getting Obi-Wan from the containment field and as far away from this place as possible. With only that thought in your head it was surprisingly easy to deal with the human and droids until only you and Obi-Wan remained in the room.

Getting him from the containment field had been easy enough with some help from the Force, carrying this weight over your shoulder was less easy but you managed, walking right past all the other people who had been taken, knowing that somewhere among the people was the Senator that Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon had been tasked with protecting but your only goal was getting Obi-Wan to safety.

And now Obi-Wan was tucked up in a bed at the far side of the healing chambers and you were stood before the Council ready to accept whatever punishment was decided for you, knowing full well you didn’t regret your decision and would make the same choices again in a heartbeat.

“Anything to say, have you?” Master Yoda asked and you wondered whether you should defend your actions or just accept the punishment and get back to Obi-Wan. 

You found your gaze seeking out Master Qui-Gon, his eyes already locked on you, giving you an encouraging nod to do whatever you thought was best and as much as you wanted to be at Obi-Wan’s side you also wanted to speak.

You knew anything you had to say would not settle the Council, in fact you were aware that your words would do quite the opposite and cause them to question your loyalties, to see just how far the bond between you and Obi-Wan, how it went much deeper than they thought.

Even before you realised your feelings for Obi-Wan you had never understood why Jedi couldn’t fall in love, why attachments were such a bad thing. After realising you were in love with your best friend you hated the rule even more, hated that your own feelings had to be squashed to nothing to serve the greater good, that all you were supposed to have was your duty. 

“I won’t apologise for my actions, Masters.” You began, watching as a smile spread across Qui-Gon’s face. “My goal was to save Obi-Wan, to save the man who I knew was barely holding on, a man who went through pain for days as you sat in this very room doing nothing productive to find him. I came to you all and offered my assistance, told you I could find Obi-Wan and yet I was dismissed whilst he was hurting. Had I been listened to I could have led you to Obi-Wan and with more aid you could have gotten the Senator and the others but I am only one person and I was only there for Obi-Wan.”

The room was silent, nobody willing to admit that you had a point, you had come to them but they had dismissed your plea to help as a way of inserting yourself into the rescue mission to see what was happening. 

However, they could also see the attachment clearly, see how you only focused on Obi-Wan when any other Jedi would have focused on the citizens taken. Qui-Gon was the only Master smiling, the rest sat with frowns and far away looks as you stood tall, waiting to see which Master would break the silence first.

“There is a reason attachments are forbidden, young Padawan, it is an easy fall to the Dark Side from there.” Master Windu said and you just about refrained from rolling your eyes but you needn’t have bothered suppressing it as Master Windu clearly picked up on it. “Surely even you can see that, blinded as you are by your attachment to the Kenobi boy. What would have happened if he was already dead? You may have killed them to save the boy but what would you have done to get revenge.”

“I am not going to go Dark Side, Master Windu, just because I care for Obi-Wan. You can speculate and call upon what if’s all you like but I won’t fall.” You said, voice calm and steady, not daring to show any of the  anger you felt, knowing it would only fuel their doubts about your loyalty. 

You hated how the Jedi only seemed to see things in black and white, how they couldn’t see the middle ground. Love didn’t always have to be a thing to be feared, a thing that would turn a good Jedi to the Dark Side, how the smallest attachment would be catastrophic. 

“Promise that, you cannot. Easy to fall should anything happen to Padawan Kenobi, it will be.” Master Yoda said and you knew there was no arguing with them, knew they had already made their mind up over the situation.

“What is my punishment, Masters?” You sighed softly, just waiting to be with Obi-Wan now. 

You glanced over at Qui-Gon as you heard a soft chuckle, watching as the others glared at him but he didn’t pay them any mind, instead focusing his attention on you and sending you a warm smile.  

“Your punishment, young Padawan, is no more missions until we decide you pose no risk of falling to the Dark Side, you will be in Archive security. When we deem you fit to return to duty and will not be paired alongside Padawan Kenobi.” You barely suppressed the outraged exclamation at not being paired with Obi-Wan anymore, especially when everyone knew the two of you worked together perfectly, completely in sync like you were the same person, always knowing the others move without having to exchange words but you choked it down, refusing to show them how much it affected you.

“Master Windu-” Qui-Gon began but was cut off by the man before he could speak further.

“The decision is final and Padawan Y/L/N should be glad that is all the punishment is.” Master Windu said and you knew to him he thought he was right but to you, taking you away from Obi-Wan was the worst punishment he could give.

“Do you really think it wise to separate them? Not even you can deny how well they work together.” Master Qui-Gon said and you felt a warmth run through you at Obi-Wan’s Master, at the Master who had practically taken you on as his own with no complaints, the man who had encouraged and approved of your ever growing relationship with Obi-Wan.

“The decision is final.” Master Windu said, his voice cold and stern, telling you there was no room for discussion. “Oh, Padawan Y/L/N, one more condition of your punishment before you leave.”

“Yes, Master Windu?” You tried to take a calming breath, tried to push all your emotions into the Force but found it didn’t help.

“You are to end your relationship with Padawan Kenobi immediately.” As the words left Master Windu’s mouth you felt your eyes fill with tears, a laugh of disbelief escaping you as you shook your head. “That is non-negotiable, Padawan Y/L/N.”

You shook your head again, never really having stopped, refusing to even entertain the idea. Instead of saving anything, instead of waiting to be dismissed you turned around and walked out of the room, ignoring the annoyed call of your name telling you this meeting wasn’t over. It was, it was well and truly over because if they thought they could ask that of you, demanded that of you, and you would stick around they weren’t as smart as people gave them credit for. 

You stormed through the hallways, glared as people stared at you in the turbolift. Ignoring the whispers that followed you down to the medical quarters you quickly made your way to Obi-Wan’s bed, drawing the privacy screens to finally block everyone out. 

You wished some days you could just leave, you knew Obi-Wan would follow you. The two of you could just run off together, hide away on a far off planet, a little house just for the two of you. It was a great dream but you knew deep down that wasn’t the path for either of you. You had always known Obi-Wan was destined for something more, something amazing and you could feel you were meant to be at his side, helping him when he needed guidance. 

Your anger could be felt so strongly, you had always known that once you and Obi-Wan got together that the stakes would be high, there was so much on the line and it was always going to be risky but it had finally come to a head, the Council finally deciding that your relationship was dangerous. 

You couldn’t help but scoff at the thought, how anyone could associate Obi-Wan and being dangerous together was beyond you.

“If I didn’t know better I’d say you weren’t glad to see me alive.” Obi-Wan’s voice broke through your thoughts, instantly cutting through the anger you felt.

Your head lifted to his, eyes still watery and a few tears had made their way down your face causing Obi-Wan’s concerned look to deepen. 

“What happened, dear?” He asked softly, sitting up in bed and only feeling a twinge of pain after being in the bacta tank for so long.

You could only shake your head, seemingly unable to produce any words as more tears filled your eyes. 

“Come here.” Obi-Wan murmured, shifting over in his bed and pulling the thin covers back for you to climb in next to him.

It was exactly what you needed, crawling into the small bed with him, cuddling into him until an outsider wouldn’t be able to tell where you ended and Obi-Wan started. Obi-Wan didn’t rush you to talk even despite his worry, he just wrapped you in his arms and let you cry into his chest. Whispering soft, comforting words whilst his hand slipped into yours, entwining them together, the hand tough from years of wielding a lightsaber but seemed like it had been made perfectly for you to hold, feeling like your hands belonged together.

“Why do they get to speculate if our relationship is wrong, Obi?” You whispered into his chest after some time had passed.

Obi-Wan couldn’t help but frown at your words but before he could say anything you were speaking again.

“They don’t know anything about me and you, they don’t know that I could never fall to the Dark Side because when I’m around you I feel lighter than ever.  I feel my happiest and yet they want to take that away from us, they get to decide the verdict, decide how our lives should be lived.” You ranted, finally able to speak freely knowing Obi-Wan wouldn’t share your words with anyone. 

“What happened?” Obi-Wan asked again when it was clear you weren’t going to say anything else.

“I was called before the Council,” you said, shifting to look up at him just in time for him to see you roll your eyes causing him to smile, “they wanted to discuss my punishment.”

“Your punishment? You saved my life, how could they punish that?” Obi-Wan asked in confusion, leaning into your touch as you brushed a piece of hair back from his forehead before letting your hand trail down to cup his cheek, thumb brushing across his cheekbone.

“I rescued you without their permission, even though when I tried to go to them nobody listened. When I rescued you, Obi-Wan I could feel you dying through our bond, I could feel the pain they inflicted on you and the life draining from you and I acted on instinct. I killed the people who took you hostage and other hostages died because of it and when I got you I left them and the Senator there.” You told him and he could see on your face you didn’t regret it. 

“Thank you for saving me.” He murmured, leaning down and pressing his lips to yours softly, feeling you relax further into him as you kissed him back, pulling him impossibly closer before the two of you pulled away, foreheads resting against each other. “What did the council say?” He whispered, no need to be any louder from this distance.

“That we can’t work missions together anymore,” Obi-Wan’s eyes widened at that, not completely shocked but it was no secret the two of you were an incredible duo, the bond between you only strengthening your success. “I’m not to be on missions until they give me permission and we have to break up.”

Obi-Wan could only stare at you, your eyes filling with tears again as you scrunched them shut in an effort to stop them falling. Obi-Wan shifted and pulled you into his arms, tucking you under his chin and feeling you bury your face against him. 

For a while the two of you stayed silent, content to be in each other’s arms as you let the words hang in the air. Your stomach felt sick as you waited to hear what Obi-Wan had to say, he had always been more concerned at following the rules, at being a good Jedi compared to you.

“I love you, Y/N,” Obi-Wan murmured and the smile that spread across your face couldn’t be stopped, “I love everything about you and no snide remarks from the other Padawan’s or verdicts from the Council is ever going to change that. We knew this wouldn’t be easy, hoped that they wouldn’t find out but knew they would eventually and they might think they hold power over us but they can’t take what’s ours, they can’t take our love away from us. You know you just have to say the words, I’d leave this Temple with you in an instant, I’d follow you to the end of the galaxy and all you have to do is ask.”

“You’re meant to be here, Obi-Wan,” You said, pulling back again to smile up at him with watery eyes and he couldn’t help but smile back. “And I’m meant to be by your side. It’s not going to be easy but you belong here. We’ll make it work, I don’t care how hard it gets so long as you’re mine and we have each other. I love you, Obi-Wan.” 

“You have too much faith in me, dear one.” Obi-Wan told you, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “I will be yours until you no longer wish to have me, no matter what the Council demands.”

“Then you’ll be mine forever.” You grinned up at him and he mirrored the expression before leaning down to kiss you again, this time more wildly, with a hunger that only your lips could ease. 

“Forever it is, my beloved.” He murmured against your lips before leaning back in to kiss you, fingers tangling in your hair as you gripped his shirt, only pulling away when it became necessary to breathe.

It was easy to forget about the Council member’s decisions, easy to forget about the looks you received walking through the Temple, easy to forget that there was a whole world beyond the privacy screens as Obi-Wan pulled you into his chest. The two of you comfortably tangled around each other as you closed your eyes, the earlier blood boiling anger you’d felt completely gone after being with Obi-Wan and it was easy to drift off in his arms. 

Neither of you were naive enough to think it’d be easy to hide your relationship from the Council now, knew that the next few weeks, months, even years would be long and difficult but like you had said so long as you had each other the two of you could get through anything. So long as you had each other, loved each other with every fibre of your being then not even the Council could take that away from you. 

Obi-Wan Kenobi Taglist - 

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You Were My Only Hope

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Angstember Prompt - “For what it’s worth, I never gave up on you."

You had been on your own for a long time now, floating through the galaxy and never staying in one place long enough for anybody to know you, hiding your identity and shutting yourself off from the Force completely whilst trying to push through each lonely day without focusing on the emptiness around you.

Obi-Wan had long since taken off, exiling himself to Tatooine to look after the boy, Anakin’s boy. Some days you almost caved and went to the planet but you weren’t quite sure either you or Obi-Wan were prepared to face your past life just yet. The two of you weren’t the same people you had been all those years ago, Anakin’s downfall and death had taken something from both of you that hadn’t yet been replaced.

You had loved Anakin, had loved him more dearly than anything else. You had been praised for how well you followed the Jedi Code but it wasn’t true, for Anakin Skywalker you broke the Jedi Code everyday even if he never knew. You had known he had a relationship with Padmé, though you hadn’t quite known the extent of it, had no idea they were married, but it didn’t stop you from loving him.

Even though Anakin didn’t love you as you loved him, it didn’t mean he didn’t love you in his own way. The two of you had grown up alongside each other in the Temple, you were Anakin’s first and best friend. Whilst Obi-Wan wasn’t actually your Master, he had been in every sense of the word other than officially. You had spent more time training with him and Anakin than you had your own Master and if the Jedi allowed a Master to take on more than one Padawan you knew Obi-Wan would have happily accepted you as his own alongside Anakin. Over the years you became everything to each other, something closer than friends and somehow more intimate than lovers, there hadn’t been anything the two of you didn’t share with each other, at least you’d thought there were no secrets between you right up until Anakin’s fall.

Seeing the destruction he had caused, the death of Padmé, leaving the bodies of children behind in the Temple, helping with the murder of Jedi across the galaxy and making sure that the few who had escaped had bounties on their heads forever, turned your stomach. You knew that if you had had the chance all those years ago you would have done anything to change it, would have given up everything so long as Anakin kept his light.

There was nothing you could do though, Anakin was dead, Obi-Wan had pulled you aside shortly after Padmé had given birth to the children and tearfully told you what had happened on Mustafar, told you that Anakin was gone. The two of you held each other, knowing that nothing would be the same again and you hadn’t stopped the tears that poured from your eyes, soaking the cloak Obi-Wan wore.

From that day on you had been lost, jumping from one planet to the other and it was only when you came across a group of Inquisitors that you were glad you had been running, glad you had shut yourself off from the Force. You had hidden yourself in the shadows, easily blending in with the sketchy figures around you as one of the Inquisitors Force choked a Jedi they had found. You knew this was common, any Jedi found was to be killed, the Empire wouldn’t rest until they were. You had grown numb to it, had seen it happen too many times, in the early years you had wanted to react, wanted to help the Jedi but you knew that meant exposing yourself and you couldn’t do it.

“Where is Y/F/N Y/L/N?” One of the Inquisitors snarled and you felt your eyes go wide and forced yourself to swallow against the sudden lump in your throat.

You knew the Empire was looking for Obi-Wan for whatever reason, over the years you had heard whispers of his name but nobody had found where he was yet, only a few people knew that information and none of you would ever betray Obi-Wan.

The question was, why were they looking for you?

Ever since you’d overheard that conversation you had cut down your time spent on a single planet, making sure to keep your face covered whenever you had to be surrounded by people and kept your head down. You had dodged many Inquisitors in the past few months and again the urge to go to Obi-Wan for help was strong, the urge to reconnect with the Force and call out to Obi-Wan but you never did.

Instead you ran and you hid and you didn’t talk to anybody that wasn’t necessary. You were good but there was only so much you could do without the Force to help you, for it to warn you when danger was near. It didn’t surprise you nearly as much as it should have when you rounded a corner and saw your little shack in the middle of nowhere surrounded by Inquisitors, a ship not too far away.

Without your own lightsaber it really wasn’t a fair fight and it wasn’t long before you were being marched into the ship, a collar around your throat to cut you off from the Force despite you having done that yourself many years ago.

You didn’t say anything though, just let them shove along, rolling your eyes as they gloated about catching you before you were being pushed into a small, dark room. The door shut behind you and you were glad to be separated from the troopers and Inquisitors, if only to be rid of their constant taunting that was nothing more than an annoyance.

You had no idea where you were being taken, you could feel the ship moving and you could feel it making the shift to hyperspace. You spent the journey sitting on the floor, legs crossed as you let your mind wander. Even as a Padawan you had struggled to mediate, your Master hadn’t had the patience to teach you after repeated failures but Obi-Wan was more than happy to sit opposite you and guide you through it no matter how long it took. Mediating without being surrounded by the Force felt pointless but you still tried, if only to pass the time.

At some point your peace was disturbed as the door opened and you opened one eye to see a female Inquisitor enter the room alone. You regarded her for a second longer before letting your eye fall shut again, not giving her a reaction. She waited for the door to shut before she spoke.

“Anakin Skywalker has been waiting a very long time for you.” She told you and you couldn’t hide your reaction.

Your eyes shot open, staring openly at the woman in front of you in shock as your back stiffened with her words.

“What did you just say?” You asked, voice low and cold.

“You heard m-” She started to say but cut herself off, staring back at you for a moment before letting out a laugh, one that showed just how much she enjoyed having some sort of power over you as a smirk spread across her face. “You don’t know.”

“Know what? What do you know of Anakin?” You asked, not having pieced together what she knew.

“You don’t know,” She repeated, glee written on her face as she continued, “You don’t know what became of him.”

“He died.” You said through gritted teeth, annoyed at whatever tactic she was playing.

“Oh no, Y/N. Anakin Skywalker didn’t die, Anakin Skywalker is Darth Vader.”

Your blood ran cold at her words, your head already shaking in disbelief because that was impossible. You hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting Vader but when one travelled the galaxy as much as you did you heard the stories. There was no way that was Anakin, no way.

“You really didn’t know.” She murmured, pulling you out of your thoughts and glaring at the smirk that was still on her face. “I guess you are right, your sweet Anakin Skywalker is long gone, Darth Vader is who remains.”

With those words she turned to leave the room, leaving you with that bombshell as you tried to sort your thoughts out. There was no way Obi-Wan knew, he would have told you. He, like you, believed Anakin had died on Mustafar but clearly he had received help, something had happened after Obi-Wan left with Padmé.

Even knowing what you knew about Vader you had to believe that Anakin was still in there somewhere, buried deep down under Darkness. Had you known he was still alive you wouldn’t have wasted years running around the galaxy, you would have done anything you could to bring him back to you.

For the first time since you had shut yourself off from it you wished you could connect with the Force.

It wasn’t long after that you felt the ship land, the doors to your cell were sliding open and two Inquisitors flanked by a handful of troopers were revealed. One of the Inquisitors wrapped their hand around your arm and dragged you along, the other gripping your other arm once you were close to him. You let them lead you through the ship and it took a good few minutes before you arrived in front of two heavy looking doors.

Upon seeing you and the Inquisitors, as well as the troopers who had followed you, the trooper standing guard opened the doors and you were shoved forward. You kept a bored look on your face but it was quickly replaced by a sad look as you saw Darth Vader standing in the room.

That couldn’t be Anakin and yet even without the Force to guide you, you had a feeling in the pit of your stomach, one that turned you cold, that the Inquisitor hadn’t been lying.  

“Leave us.” Vader ordered, his voice modified through the suit, sounding nothing like Anakin.

The Inquisitors and troopers left the room and the door fell shut behind them leaving you alone with Vader. You stood tall, a neutral look masking the pain and sadness you felt, staring into the helmet of Darth Vader.

“You have been difficult to find.” He told you and you couldn’t help but smirk, you had only become aware of the fact that the Empire was after you a few months ago, you wondered just how long you’d had a bounty on your head. “I have you now and you will tell me where Kenobi is hiding.”

You struggled to keep your mask in place, struggled not to let it show how painful it was hearing the hate filter through the mask. How had things fallen apart so badly, how had Anakin Skywalker, the person who had never failed to give you hope all throughout the clone wars, the person who you only ever saw the best in, fallen so hard? How could that boy who looked up to Obi-Wan, who had loved him dearly, not even bring himself to say his name? Only able to spit it out like it was poison.

Where had it all gone wrong?

“It’s really you then isn’t it?” You asked him, despite your neutral face your voice betrayed you, quivering slightly before you forced yourself to take a breath. “I didn’t want to believe her when she said you were Anakin but it’s you isn’t it?”

“Don’t use that name!” He spat, one arm raised with a clenched fist and you found yourself  a few feet in the air, Vader cutting off your breath as he Forced choked you.

It was child's play, you could handle being Forced choked, Anakin knew it as well as you did. You had been through worse during the years of the Clone Wars, suffered worse things than a choking. The Clone Wars had been tough, you’d been kidnapped more times than you could count, tortured even more, Anakin had been by your side throughout it all, you both knew this was nothing.

“Skywalker was weak, he was useless.” Vader said as he stopped choking you and you just about stayed upright as you were dropped to the floor.

“Anakin was never weak and he was far from useless. He was the bravest person I have ever met, he inspired loyalty, he was a hero.” You said, stressing the last word as you gave Vader a look of distaste. “Can you say the same about yourself?”

“You abandoned him, left him to die. Don’t speak to me about loyalty.” Vader snarled and even without the Force you could feel his anger, his pain and frustration.

You had to believe there was more than that there though, that there was some light no matter how small and dim, there had to be.

Anakin couldn’t just be gone.

For years you had lived thinking he had died, alone and in pain, left behind by Obi-Wan. You hadn’t blamed Obi-Wan, you had had years to dwell on it, years to run it through your head and knew full well that if you were in the man's shoes you wouldn’t have been able to kill Anakin either.

Even now as you stood before the darkest and most twisted version of Anakin, knew of all the pain and horror he had inflicted on the galaxy, even now you knew full well if you had the chance you wouldn’t be able to kill him.

You could practically see Master Yoda in your mind, shaking his head in disappointment as he spoke about attachments.

“Abandoned you?” You asked, shaking your own head as you stared at him in disbelief. “I thought you were dead. If I had known, if I had even had an inkling that you were alive, believe me I would have found you myself. I would have done everything I could to break through all the darkness surrounding you.”

“You expected me to believe that?” He scoffed and you glared at him. It was hard talking to him like this, not just because of the anger and the hatred but because of the helmet. Anakin had always been so expressive, his every emotion played out on his face but now the man hid behind the helmet.

“You know I’m not lying.” You told him and he remained silent for a few moments.

“There was a place for you at my side, there still is a place for you.” He told you suddenly, voice quiet but firm and you felt your eyes widen, there was no way he thought you would ever turn to the Dark Side but then again you had once believed he would never fall. “All you have to do is tell me where Kenobi is.”

“You know I would never betray Obi-Wan, Anakin.” You told him and watched as he took a step closer to you, towering over you but you forced yourself to meet the helmet.

“I am not Anakin.” He told you, anger clear in his tone and you couldn’t help the sad smile that pulled at your lips.

“You will always be Anakin Skywalker to me.” You said softly before you were slammed into a wall by the Force, Vader doing nothing more than pinning you against it. “And for what it’s worth, I never gave up on you. No matter how lost you are, no matter how far you stray from everything you once believed in, I never gave up on you, not when I saw what had become of the Padawans, not when the order was given for the Clones to kill us. I still believe in Anakin Skywalker.”

Vader stayed silent, the only sound in the room was that of his breathing, heavy through the helmet. You knew you were pushing it, knew this was a dangerous game but you didn’t care, you had to know if Anakin was still there, still believed in the man you had once known, the man you had spent every day loving.

“You are loyal to a dead man.” He told you finally and you felt your eyes close, desperately trying to think of a way to push through the Darkness. “It makes you weak.”

“Lucky for me then because the man I believe in isn’t dead, I know it. The man who held me when my Master was killed, the man who snuck me out of the Temple in the middle of the night because I wanted to see the celebrations, the man who took more beatings and hits than he needed to just so I didn’t get hurt, the man who helped me see the Light when everything seemed so dark during the war. That is the man I believe in and that is the man I know to be alive, to be within you no matter how deeply you have tried to bury him.” You told him, voice shaking and tears filling your eyes but you forced them back, not letting them fall.

This wasn’t about you, this was about bringing Anakin back.

“You can’t tell me this is the life you wanted Anakin. You’re nothing more than Palpatine’s weapon, he ripped everything from you; Padmé, your child, Obi-Wan and me. And for what, Anakin? What did you get out of it that was worth losing everyone?” You keep your voice soft, watching as his fist clenched at his side and you wished so badly you could see his face.

“None of that matters now.” Vader said after a moment of silence and you hated how you couldn’t hear his real voice, how his emotions were hidden through the helmet, robotic and stoic and not giving away anything. “The man you knew is gone, accept it and give up your weak and foolish hope of his return.”

You shook your head, refusing to do as he said. No matter what happened on this ship, even if he killed you, you would die knowing that Anakin was still in there, that one day, maybe not any time soon, Anakin would break through the Darkness surrounding him. Maybe he would break through himself, maybe he would eventually find Obi-Wan hidden away on Tatooine and Obi-Wan would be the one to break through. It didn’t matter how it happened, all that mattered was that you truly believed it would.

“I will never give up hope for Anakin Skywalker.” You told him, standing straighter and looking at the helmet, his anger and annoyance clear even without the Force helping up and the helmet covering him.

“Enough.” He said, using the Force to lift you off the ground again back still pressed against the wall. “I have grown tired of listening to you talk about a dead man, your pathetic attachment to him makes you weak. You could have joined me, Y/N, you could have joined me. Instead you keep your loyalties to a man long dead and a man who will die at my hands.”

Even though you’d been through worse pain, worse torture, suddenly this felt like the most painful thing you had ever experience, the worst kind of pain imaginable, a type of pain that made you cold and empty inside. There was no fear but something shifted around the two of you and you could practically see the thick Darkness clinging to Anakin.

You knew he was so far into it, knew the chances of you leaving this alive were slim to none and yet somehow you weren’t scared. The thing you felt most was your absolute heartbreak as you faced what had become of the man you loved but you knew he’d come back.

He had to.

“You have tested my patience long enough,” He snarled, stepping closer until there was no distance between you. “Now, you will tell me where Kenobi is!”

As he spoke he raised his hand, stopping you from taking breaths and you could feel his phantom grip tightening on you with each second. You stared at him, stared into the helmet that hid his face from you and knew you were going to die but you were not going to die betraying Obi-Wan or Anakin’s children.

“Anakin,” You choked out, voice a broken whisper as you felt yourself getting lightheaded, “I know you’re still in there, I know you can hear me even if you’re not ready to right now.” It was hard to speak, throat closed up and his grip only got tighter with your words. “I know this isn’t you, it can’t be, not after everything. You will find your way back one day, I know you will and you have to know, even with whatever happens today, I never gave up on you.” Your vision was going bleary as you forced yourself to stay conscious. “I love you, Anakin Skywalker, always have, always believed in you.”

Your words were barely audible at the end, his grip on your throat too tight to breath by now and the last thing you saw before your vision blacked out was the helmet of Vader, emotionless and betraying nothing as you choked out something unintelligible before letting your eyes fall closed.

Vader let go of you, let your body fall to the ground. He walked away, desperately trying to ignore the feeling deep inside of him, buried under a mountain of Darkness, that felt guilty, felt heartbroken and angry. Your final words were a declaration of love, a promise that you had always believed in him.

He stormed out of the room, fists clenched at his side as he forced down that part of him, the part that was Anakin Skywalker, no matter how much he denied it. You had been right, not that he would ever admit it but Anakin Skywalker had always been there, a weakness to Vader. He had thought he had destroyed every bit of Anakin Skywalker, thought he had rid himself of such a weakness but then you had come along and reignited the tiny bit of Light in him that he had never been able to kill.

But now you were dead and there was nobody left in the whole galaxy that believed in him. You were dead by his hands and even though your dying words would never leave Vader’s mind, no matter how much he tried to forget them, there was no hope left in the galaxy for him.

That hope had lived and died with you.

________

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Silent Suffering

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Angstember Prompt - Crying into somebody's chest

Pairings - Obi-Wan Kenobi & Reader, Anakin Skywalker & Reader (can be read as pre Anakin x Reader too!)

Despite having your own Master you still found yourself spending most of your time in the company of Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and his Padawan Anakin Skywalker. More often than not you accompanied Anakin to his lessons with Obi-Wan, whether it be lightsaber training or mediation. 

The training a Padawan undertook was long and gruelling, days seemed to drag as you were taught the ways of the Jedi. Your Master was a cold man, he lacked the patience needed to train a Padawan which led to him snapping at you whenever you were made to train with him. Obi-Wan, however, was everything a Jedi Master should be, where you struggled to mediate, to shut your mind off to any and every outside distraction, your Master would snap and push you without proper guidance, Obi-Wan was the exact opposite. You still remembered the first time you’d mediated in front of him, how much you had struggled to do what came easily to most Jedi and you fully expected Obi-Wan to lose his temper with you, only to be shocked when he sat down in front of you and spoke, his words soft and gentle as he guided you and for the first time ever you felt yourself fall into that peaceful state easily. 

From there you had been eager to learn under Obi-Wan’s guidance. Compared to Anakin you felt your training was far behind despite the fact the two of you had started training at the same age though you hadn’t met until a few years later when your Master’s had been sent on a mission together with the instruction to bring their Padawan’s along.  

It was from that mission on you had become a permanent attachment to their duo, spending time with them even if it did take you a while to open up to them. The kindness they both showed you was such a stark contrast to how your Master treated you that you couldn’t help but stick with them.

Obi-Wan had wondered whether he should put a stop to how involved in their lives you were becoming. When you started joining Anakin’s lessons he had debated over what to do but Anakin seemed to like the challenge of a new opponent, one whose moves he couldn’t predict as well as he could his Master’s so Obi-Wan let you stay until he became as attached to you as he was his own Padawan. Watching as you grew in your training, how you seemed to thrive under his gentle guidance and encouraging words and sought out his advice on how you could improve made his heart warm and he knew that he wasn’t going to put a stop to you joining them.

Throughout the years Obi-Wan had tried to talk to you about your Master, about why you seemed behind in your training and more inclined to let Obi-Wan teach you. Each time you gave a vague answer, one that never answered his question before quickly changing the subject or darting off somewhere before he had the chance to ask you more questions. 

Anakin had also asked you about your Master, never having heard much about him. Anakin could never imagine training under another Master when he had Obi-Wan and knew that something wasn’t right between you and yours but as you did with Obi-Wan you did with Anakin and did your best to avoid answering the question. 

As the years went by and you got older your Master’s outbursts seemed to become more frequent and less justified. Some days he would yell at you when you weren’t training, when the Council sent you on missions together. You and your Master had never particularly gotten along well but the last couple of years had been worse than when you were a child.

You ignored it though, content to find comfort from Anakin and Obi-Wan, content to hide away with them when things became too much. You knew both men knew something was wrong but you had refused to talk about it and over time they didn’t ask as much as they used to, knowing full well you weren’t ready to talk about it yet.

One morning you found yourself in a training room, Obi-Wan walked around you and Anakin as you both duelled against the other. Years ago it was a challenge, neither one of you could predict the other's next move, the next step but now after years spent at each other’s side, being taught by the same Master it was easy to see four moves ahead. 

That didn’t mean the two of you went easy on each other, if anything it meant the two of you were more cocky, riskier in the moves you made and by the time the doors to the training room opened the two of you had worked up at sweat, panting as you grinned at each other as Anakin managed to get you on the ground with his lightsaber pointed at you.

“Alright, that's quite enough you two.” Obi-Wan told you with a smile.

Anakin holstered the lightsaber and reached a hand down for you, your grin still firmly in place as you slipped your hand into his and let him pull you up.

“Don’t worry, Y/N/N, one of these days you’ll beat me.” Anakin told you, his entire face lit up as he threw an arm around your shoulder and pulled you into him.

“Please,” you scoffed, letting yourself enjoy the closeness before playfully pushing him away, “I was just going easy on you.”

“Padawan,” A cold voice from the doorway said, causing you to flinch slightly, an action that didn’t go unnoticed by Obi-Wan or Anakin. “We are being sent to aid the clones.”

You had to force your feet to move, to follow your Master out of the room, forced yourself to ignore the worry you felt coming from the two Jedi left behind in the training room. The air was tense as you followed him into the craft and even more so once you were up in the air and he turned his cold gaze towards you.

“Spending time with Kenobi and the Skywalker child again, Padawan?” He snarled and you barely suppressed a shiver.

This was the cause of many arguments and despite how much you dreaded your Master’s temper you would take any anger he directed your way so long as you could seek comfort from Obi-Wan and Anakin. You knew it wasn’t the fact you were so close to the two that angered your Master, though it certainly didn’t help matters, but it was an easy thing for him to target, an excuse for him to actually be angry at you.

You had no idea what you had done to cause so much hatred from your Master, since you were a child he had never had a nice word to say towards you. You remembered being so young, so upset that he seemed to hate you and tried so hard, did everything right, to get him to like you.

Nowadays you had accepted your Master’s anger, accepted you would never find the reason for it and stopped trying to please him, stopped seeking out his approval. You suspected Obi-Wan had a large part to play in your acceptance, the man was the complete opposite of your Master and where your Master shot you harsh words and hateful glares, Obi-Wan easily countered it with kind touches and soft words. 

And then there was Anakin.

Anakin wasn’t foolish, he could see that you and your Master didn’t get on and though he had questioned but never pushed the matter, he had become an expert in reading you. He always seemed to know exactly when you needed him, was always there with a shoulder to cry on and distractions that often pulled the two of you into some kind of mischief that Obi-Wan never scolded you too much for because he too could see when things had gotten bad.

You loved being a Jedi, loved helping people and saving them but some days you wondered what would have become of you had you not met Obi-Wan and Anakin. Would you have stayed with the Jedi or would you have left the Order many moons ago? You believed you would have left, if you hadn’t had Obi-Wan and Anakin’s kindness to counteract your Master’s harshness. You truly didn’t think you could survive the years spent as a Padawan, not without the Dark Side spreading through you until you were consumed by it .

“Stupid girl wasting your time with those two, though I suppose I cannot expect much better from someone so foolish.” Your Master spoke, pulling you away from your thoughts and bringing your attention back to him.

You barely suppressed a sigh but knew if you let it escape you’d be done for. The words you could take but if he ever saw signs of you fighting back against him, even something as little as a sigh or squaring your shoulders back, you knew that the consequences would be bad. 

It was a lesson you had learnt the hard way and your side still burned from where the Force lightning had been directed.

Instead you sat there, still as a statue and watched as one of the clones announced your Master was needed elsewhere. Once he had left the room you let yourself relax and looked towards the clone, Daar, and shot him a grateful look, smiling as he nodded back at you.

You were close to many of the troopers and knew that they saw how your Master treated you, he didn’t hide it around them, not when he could order them to stay silent and they couldn’t disobey him. A few had offered to though, they had come directly to you and told you they would gladly disobey orders if you asked them to. You had smiled at that but each time had told them to do as your Master said, no point the clones being punished when you could take what your Master gave.

The rest of the trip was blessedly silent, the clones coming up with a reason to keep your Master in another section of the craft and it wasn’t long before you were landing. 

The entire mission was a mess, that was the only word for it. Your orders were to protect both the people and the Senator but your Master seemed to only hear the last part of those orders as he laid out his plan that willingly sacrificed the people of the planet to get the Senator away safely.

The people were starving, held captive by the droid army and from your position you could see many slaughtered innocents. You grimanced before turning back to your Master as he spoke, your eyes wide as you listened to him, he was not a kind man but this was extreme even for him. How he was a member of the Jedi order, a Jedi Master, was completely beyond you.

“We can’t let him do this.” You told Daar as your Master left the craft, lightsaber already out as he and some clones fought droids in order to make it to the palace.

“What do you suggest we do instead?” Daar asked and all the remaining clones turned towards you, each of them waiting for orders from somebody who did not have the authority to give them but all of them willing to follow them no matter what.

You stood silently for a moment, shocked at how the troopers didn’t hesitate to turn to you, to let you give the orders but then a smile broke out on your face and you nodded. Nothing good would come from this for you, you would be punished both by the Council and privately by your Master but you refused to just let the people of this city die for no reason, not when you could save them.

“Out here we only have the droid army in our way, let Master deal with whatever member of the Empire is holding the Senator captive. You think we can get the people out?” You asked Daar and he shot you a grin as he nodded.

“Course we can, right boys?” He asked and the troopers gave a cheer causing your smile to widen.

From outside the craft you could see your Master had made progress with the droid blocking the entrance to the palace, his gaze turning back towards you and calling for more clones.

With a final glance at all the troopers, your gaze landed on Daar who gave you a softer smile and nodded causing you to nod back. The troopers put their helmets on and you all left the craft, you spared a final glance back as you all made your way in the opposite direction to see your Master’s furious glare towards you.

The droids seemed to multiply, for everyone you took down five more appeared. The troopers were fairing no better and there were a number of casualties but eventually you fought your way to where the citizens were being held. It took some effort to free them as droids fought back and you had to deal with your Master yelling every hateful word and threat he could think of through the comms but eventually the droids were down and stopped coming and you ushered the people towards your ships.

Your Master and the Senator, as well as the people who had been trapped in the palace with him, all stood around the crafts and you ignored your Master as you passed him, thankful when Daar put himself between the two of you so he couldn’t grab you and began handing out the food rations you had brought with you.

You tried to drag it out for as long as possible but eventually you had to leave. Boarding the ship, your heart was in your throat and anxiety pulsed through your veins, you waited for your Master to dole out whatever punishment he saw fit but it never came and that only made you more scared.

Daar noticed your anxiety and sat down next to you ignoring the glare your Master sent towards the two of you and patted you knee gently.

“You did go out there today.” He told you, the words quiet but the genuineness of them was clear and you couldn’t help the smile that pulled at your lips.

“Thank you,” you said, keeping your voice just as quiet, “I’m just glad we were able to save everybody.”

The trip back to Coruscant didn’t take too long, something you both hated and were grateful for. You weren’t foolish enough to believe you could slip away before your Master got a hold of you, knew what was to come but still once the ship landed you tried to leave as quickly as possible.

“Not so fast, Padawan.” Your Master snarled, his hand reaching over to wrap around your bicep, grip so tightly you winced and knew bruises would form but they would be the least of your worries after he was done with you. 

You could see the troopers behind him, could see Daar take a step forward but you shook your head as discreetly as you could, watching him step back reluctantly.

“Come with me.” The tone of the man’s voice was low and harsh as he dragged you away from onlookers.

It wouldn’t be long until you were called before the Jedi Council, your Master had already given the briefing through holocomm, but it was enough time for him to pull you into his quarters, far away from any witnesses and leave you crying out, withering on the floor as you felt the lightning produced by the Force spreading and burning your body, sweat pouring from you as you tried to fight against it but it was useless as you were pinned down by the Force.

Your Master gave you enough time to go to your chambers to clean up, tears and sobs leaving you as you tried to pull burnt fabric from the burns and covered it in as much bacta salve as you could.

You cupped water into your hands before splashing it across your face, desperate to hide evidence of what had happened. Despite it though you didn’t regret your actions, so many people were alive because of you and you would gladly go through that a thousand times if it meant they were safe.

Your Master showed up at your door and grabbed your arm again, dragging you down to where the Council members were gathered. He stopped abruptly outside the door and pressed his hand into where he had burned causing you to wince and bite back a sob.

“If you know what’s good for you you’ll keep your mouth shut.” He warned before standing up tall, a friendly look spreading across his face as he entered the room and greeted the members of the Council, you following behind and keeping your gaze down.

As you stood there you had to fight down protests, felt the anger rise in you as your Master painted a picture completely different to what had happened. As he told them his plan was to save the Senator before helping the citizens but you had jeopardised the entire mission as well as the lives of all the innocent people and the Senator’s to prove yourself. 

The pain in your side made it unbearable to stand but the hatred you felt in your veins, a deep anger you had never felt before made it hard to keep your mouth shut. How dare he, how dare he say you needed to prove yourself! It had never been about that, you only wanted to help people, you didn’t care if the Jedi Council took notice of your actions so long as the people who needed your aid were safe.

Once he was finished you finally looked up and came face to face with a sea of disappointed looks. The only person who didn’t look disappointed was Obi-Wan, instead he had a small furrow in between his brows as he looked between Master and Padawan, seeing something the others weren’t.

“A common occurrence, this is becoming.” Master Yoda said and your jaw clenched under the effort to stay silent. Of course the Council member’s thought you disobeying orders was a regular thing because no matter what you did your Master always, always, found a way to make it seem so. 

You managed to keep quiet, staring straight ahead, knowing that any attempt to counter your Master’s story would only end badly for you. The burning pains in your sides only reminded you of that, reminded you of what your Master was capable of.

“To add, have you anything?” Master Yoda asked you and it took every ounce of strength you had to not fall to your knees before the Council and beg with them to help you, to protest your Master’s fabrications, to show them what he did to you but you knew it would amount to nothing, your Master had taught you that long ago that Master’s could give out whatever punishment they saw fit.

As you shook your head you felt your anger spike again, though it seemed impossible that it could do so. From your side you could practically feel your Master’s smugness coming from him in waves.

The room stayed silent for a moment and you took the opportunity to look at Obi-Wan, his eyes already looking back at you. You watched as the man’s face softened though you could practically see how fast his thoughts were running as he knew something was wrong.

Obi-Wan had known for a long time something was not right. For years you had been by his side, he had watched you grow from a small, shy little thing into the young woman you were now. He had trained you, had brought you onto his missions with Anakin and watched you thrive under his guidance. He rarely got the chance to see you with your Master but the times he did, especially now, the person you were around him was not the person Obi-Wan knew. 

“Archive security, you shall do.” Master Yoda announced and Obi-Wan barely suppressed a sigh at Yoda’s choice of punishment, you weren’t going to like this at all.

“Archive security?” You repeated, the words coming out of your mouth without your permission. Your tone was complete disbelief as you stared at the Council member’s, watching as Obi-Wan rubbed at his forehead.

“A problem, you have with this?” Master Yoda asked and yes, yes you did have a problem with this because even though it got you out of missions with your Master it also meant it got you out of missions with Obi-Wan and Anakin and left you behind, alone with your Master.

You were desperate for that not to happen, you couldn’t cope with being around your Master anymore than you had to be. You knew it was a bad idea to argue with the Council, to do something else to anger your Master but still your mouth opened, words ready to fall when Obi-Wan cut you off, probably saving you from a worse punishment.

“Y/N.” He warned, his tone soft and gentle as you turned to look at him.

Obi-Wan shook his head and you silently pleaded with him but knew that even he couldn’t do anything to get you out of this. He had no proof beyond his own doubts and unfortunately that wasn’t solid evidence.

Oh stars, he thought to himself as he looked at your wide eyes, why won’t she just tell me what’s happening so I can help?

“No problem, Master Yoda, forgive my outburst.” You apologised robotically, hands clenched at your sides as you listened to Master Yoda dismiss you.

You bowed towards them, side burning at the movement and you barely choked back a sob at the pain but made your way out of the room.

You stood outside the Council doors, cursing the face that you were forced to remain here, alone without the two people you cared most for, the two people who made your Master’s actions easier to deal with. You longed to tell them about the burns covering your body but Master’s could do as they saw fit to punish their Padawan and you knew they would only turn you away.

“Y/N,” Obi-Wan called softly as he slipped from the room.  

Your head shot up to look at the man and you couldn’t help but let your thoughts run. Obi-Wan wouldn’t turn you away, right? In all the time you’d known him you had never seen him harm Anakin, no matter how badly his Padawan messed up. Perhaps if you told him, maybe he wouldn’t disagree with your Master’s way of dealing with you but maybe would help you patch yourself up.

Obi-Wan gave you a kind smile as he gestured for you to walk with him, each step sending a new wave of pain through your body.

“What really happened out there?” He asked softly as the two of you walked side by side.

You stayed silent for the longest time, thoughts running wild as you debated whether to tell Obi-Wan what was happening. You trusted Obi-Wan more than anybody, knew his kindness better than most and by the time the two of you arrived at his quarters you still hadn’t made a decision.

Obi-Wan let you remain silent, he could see the thoughts in your head, could see the frown on your face as you battled over what you could tell him. He could see the exhaustion coming from you, could see your anger and how you were ready to let it out. He hoped he could help, hoped you would finally tell him what happened behind closed doors.

The man let you through the doors first before following after you and gesturing you over to the sofa, raising his eyebrow as you grimanced whilst sitting.

“I wish you had been my Master.” You finally spoke after a long period of silence, the words so quiet Obi-Wan would have missed them if he wasn’t sitting so close to you. 

“As do I, young one.” He told you, taking your hand in yours and giving it a gentle, encouraging squeeze.

At his words, your eyes filled with tears, the exhaustion and pain and anger you felt all became too much suddenly as the tears fell down your cheeks one after the other, your breaths coming out as shaky sobs.

Obi-Wan’s own eyes widened at the sudden onset of tears but he didn’t hesitate to comfort you. He pulled you softly against his chest and you willingly went, hand gripping his cloak as he held the back of your head, running his fingers soothingly through your hair. 

The tears refused to slow and you stayed buried against Obi-Wan’s chest for a long time, the man's arms around you, holding you in place as he murmured gentle words of comfort, not rushing you to calm down but allowing you to work through it.

He could tell you had been holding onto these emotions for a long time, the tears coming from you ached his heart and he wanted nothing more than to wrap you up and keep you far away from your Master who was no doubt the cause of all of this. 

He didn’t let his own anger show, didn’t want you to think he was upset with you at all. It was rare for Obi-Wan to feel such anger, he liked to think by now he had a pretty good grip on his emotions but listening to you, your tears soaking his robes as you sobbed into his chest, he couldn’t feel much but anger.

At some point the tears subsided into sniffles, your eyes red and blood stained after crying for so long. Obi-Wan felt your breathing even out and thought you had fallen asleep, especially as you cuddled further into his chest but then you began speaking.

“I only wanted to save them.” You told Obi-Wan, your voice croaky from sobbing uncontrollably but also emotionless, “He was going to let them all die and I wanted to save them.”

“I believe you.” Obi-Wan told you and the honesty in his voice had you letting out a shaky breath.

“He punishes me,” You said, eyes falling closed as you forced yourself to keep talking, “it doesn’t matter what I do, he always finds a reason to punish me. Some days he doesn’t even need a reason.”

Obi-Wan’s own eyes fell closed as he dreaded your next words but asked anyway.

“How does he punish you, young one?” 

You were silent again and Obi-Wan, despite not wanting to hear the answer, needed to. He needed to know so he knew exactly how bad things had got, so he knew just how to help you.

“He uses the Force, uses lightning.” You said, the words bringing on a fresh set of tears but you kept them trapped behind your eyelids, pushing your face further into Obi-Wan’s chest.

Obi-Wan felt his heart stop at your answer, his blood running cold as mental images filled his head of you being burned with Force lightning. How had he never noticed? His grip tightened on you, his arms holding you closer but at your wince he pulled away like he himself had been burned.

“Y/N,” He said, the word so soft as he looked at you. You didn’t let him say anything else, you’d come this far you might as well go further and with that you pulled your cloak away and lifted your shirt enough for Obi-Wan to see the fresh burns as well as the old ones.

Obi-Wan gasped, his hand moving to touch the fresh one before pausing. There was fabric that seemed to have melted into your skin and he winced as he continued to stare. He had seen a lot of injuries in his lifetime but that had to be up there with some of the worst.

“Y/N,” He breathed out, his gaze shifting from your burns to your face, silent tears making their way down as you let your shirt cover them again.

Obi-Wan reached over to wipe at your cheeks, moving towards you and placing his lips to your forehead, letting them linger there before he pulled away.

“We have to inform the Council.” He told you softly and you looked at him, shaking your head but he cut you off before you could speak. “Y/N, he cannot be allowed to stay, what he has done to you is-” Obi-Wan cut himself off, not having the words to describe the pain inflicted onto you.

“Master’s can punish Padawan’s however they want.” You told them, the words were void of emotion and almost robotic, like you were repeating words you’d been told for years and Obi-Wan didn’t doubt that.

“No they cannot.” He told you, voice firm and you looked at him with wide eyes. “How many times has Anakin messed up since being my Padawan? I’ve lost count and I have never inflicted pain upon him. He gets a scolding and if the Council sees a harsher punishment is needed they will see to it but never would it be something that would harm the Padawan.” 

The words made your eyes water even more as you felt foolish, of course you should have known that.

“Don’t be so harsh on yourself, he made you believe something for a very long time. He manipulated you into keeping this pain a secret. You are not to blame, I promise you the Council will see that too.” Obi-Wan told you and you nodded, tears sliding down your face again and you wrapped your arms around him and cuddled into his chest again.

Obi-Wan held you close whilst making sure he wasn’t hurting you and swore he would see to it that your Master was dealt with. 

Anakin walked into his Master’s chambers after roaming the Temple looking for you after hearing about what had happened on your latest mission and stopped just inside the doorway as he took in the scene of you sobbing into Obi-Wan’s chest.

You hadn’t heard Anakin enter the room but Obi-Wan did and he glanced up at Anakin with a sad smile as he held you. He was glad Anakin was here, he wanted to keep you out of this meeting though he knew the Council would want to speak to you, he wondered if perhaps any of the clones had seen anything and would be willing to speak up about it.

He gestured for Anakin to come closer and you jumped when you felt Anakin sit beside you, relaxing when you saw it was him.

“I know archive security is boring but that’s a lot of tears.” Anakin said softly and you couldn’t stop the choked laugh that escaped you causing the two men to smile.

“I have to speak with the Council,” Obi-Wan told the two of you and you turned to look at him with fear shining in your eyes. From behind you he could see Anakin’s questioning look but just shook his head. “If you want to be there whilst I tell them you can be but it’s completely your decision.”

“I’ll stay with Anakin.” You told him softly, sniffing as you rubbed at your eyes. “You can tell him.” You allowed, gesturing to Anakin as you leaned back into Obi-Wan, even more exhausted than you had been before.

You listened as Obi-Wan filled Anakin in on what he had missed, listening with a small smile as Anakin fumed on your behalf, threatening to go and deal with your Master himself but Obi-Wan assured him it would be dealt with and that his only job was to look after you whilst he spoke to the Council.

That seemed to calm Anakin down and he nodded, sitting back down next to you and letting Obi-Wan transfer you from his arms to Anakin’s, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead before he stood and readjusted his cloak. 

“You know where I’ll be if you need me.” Obi-Wan said before he turned to leave the room.

Anakin looked down at you as you lay on his chest and smiled softly. He wished Obi-Wan would allow him to deal with your Master but knew you needed him more. 

“Come on.” Anakin said, nudging you up softly being mindful of the injuries Obi-Wan had told him about. He knew sitting on the sofa wouldn’t help your wounds and instead stood, smiling at the soft whine of protest that came from you before you took his offered hand and let him lead you over to the bed.

You had to admit it felt much better to be laying down and as Anakin pulled you back into his arms you couldn’t help but relax, feeling better than you had in a long while. It seemed bizarre that Obi-Wan was going to talk to the Council about this, that it wasn’t normal and the Council were going to have something to say about it. 

It almost felt like a dream, like you’d wake up with your Master standing over you with a smirk on his face.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” Anakin whispered as he pressed a kiss to your hair and you smiled, hand holding the fabric of his shirt and cuddling further into him.

“You didn’t know.” You whispered back, eyes heavy as they fell closed and you couldn’t find the strength to open them again.

“Nobody will ever hurt you again, I promise.” You were certain that was a promise Anakin couldn’t keep, no matter how hard he tried but you appreciated it all the same. 

Cuddled up in Anakin’s arms, in Obi-Wan’s moments before, felt safe. It was as safe as you had felt for a long time and knowing that the two of them cared so much about you, that they were willing to speak up for you and, in Anakin’s face, threaten the man who had caused you so much harm, had you believing that things would be ok. Once your Master was gone and you had only the two of them you truly believed that, in time, you would be ok.

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Angstember Prompt -  "I thought I might find you here."

When you and Anakin first met you were nothing more than the Senator’s daughter. You knew one day you would have to take your family’s seat in the Senate and dreaded when such a day would arrive. Anakin had heard you complain about it on several occasions, watching you rant as he smiled over at your pacing figure. It never took long for you to calm down once you saw his smile and often ended with you flopping down next to him, your head on his shoulder.

Anakin had been a good friend, brought to your side after several attempts on your life. At first you had resented the Jedi guarding you, insisting it wasn’t necessary but then you had met him, one easy smile was all it took to silence your complaints. 

From there the two of you became fast friends, Anakin taking your protection seriously but he wasn’t stifling like the other bodyguards were. With Anakin he was more than happy to sneak out of your house, more than happy to explore the planet with you so long as you stayed by his side. It wasn’t a shock when you found yourself catching feelings for the young Jedi, you saw him every day and he was always more than kind to you. He treated you like an actual person, somebody who could be joked around with rather than a political ally. 

Even though he treated you normally, he made you feel special. It was in the little things he did, whether it was remembering your order from the little Twi’lek run bakery or knowing when you needed to get away from the palace and getting you out as quickly and discreetly as possible, taking your hand in his and leading you down to the lake on the grounds, the two of you sitting there for hours talking about nothing and everything. 

You let yourself fall further and further in love with the young man even though you knew it would only break your heart. Jedi weren’t allowed to date, they couldn’t form attachments or love others as you wished Anakin could love you. It didn’t matter to you though, you didn’t need Anakin to love you, so long as you had him at your side you could be content with what you had. 

Of course sometimes Anakin was pulled away from you when he was needed for a bigger mission but he always came back and you were always waiting for him. 

There was one particular mission that changed everything for the both of you. 

Anakin hadn’t been able to tell you anything about this mission, not because he wasn’t allowed, which he definitely wasn’t but that never stopped him, but because Obi-Wan commed him in the middle of the night demanding he meet him on another planet and to be prepared for anything. 

You had woken up to Anakin bursting through your door, frantically throwing his robe on and attaching the hilt of his lightsaber to his hip as he explained to you he had to go and would be back soon. 

In his hurried state he pressed a quick kiss to your forehead that had you feeling heat in your cheeks before he left, smiling over his shoulder at you as you called a ‘may the Force be with you’ after him. 

From there, there had been nothing but silence from Anakin for a month and a half. Luckily though you were the daughter of a Senator and if you wanted information it usually wasn’t too hard to get. However, information surrounding the Jedi mission seemed to be on a need to know basis and none of your usual contacts could tell you anything. It didn’t matter though, you had gotten quite used to listening in on conversations, blending into your surroundings so people forgot you were there. 

Anakin and Obi-Wan had been sent on a mission undercover it seemed, from what little you were able to pick up on. Apparently it hadn’t gone well and the man they had been sent for had figured out who they were. 

You took that to mean the worst and after hearing somebody say the Council was worried that they had had no contact with either Jedi your stomach turned sick. It was the longest you had been away from Anakin where you weren’t also able to talk to him and your fear only got worse as the days went by. 

You became more closed off, more and more snappish with people who tried to get you to do your duties. More than once you’d stormed from rooms, uncaring about the scandalised looks, important figures shot you and the embarrassed ones coming from your parents. You barely slept, kept awake at night by terrible dreams of all the things that could be happening to Anakin. You wished more than ever that you had a connection to the Force, wished to have a solid connection in your mind to Anakin like he shared with Obi-Wan so he could tell you where he was, so you could save him like he had saved you more times than you could count. 

You hated feeling so useless, hated that Anakin was out there, trapped on some planet you didn’t even know the name of, with no idea what was happening to him. The only people who knew the full details seemed to be the Jedi Council and they weren’t exactly going to give you any information, no matter how important your parents were. 

More days passed and you were forced into a meeting room, forced to sit in on a Senate meeting between your parents and other Senators from four different planets, you hardly bothered to remember their names. You had no idea what was being discussed, paid no attention and didn’t bother to feign like you were. It didn’t go unnoticed but you missed the looks of disdain from the Senators and the disapproving looks from your parents.

“You will work alongside these people one day,” your father told you once the other Senators left, turning straight to you with a shake of his head. “You have to earn their respect and this attitude is not going to do that. It makes you look like a petulant child. I know you’re worried for your Jedi but that is no excuse for such behaviour.”

You rolled your eyes at his words but couldn’t stop the warm feeling in your chest. Anakin was your Jedi and you had no idea what you would do if he didn't come home to you.

Around the two month mark you were a mess. There wasn't a better word for how you were feeling. With every night that passed the nightmares that plagued you grew worse to the point where you were now on day four of having no sleep. You could barely bring yourself to eat, sick with worry for your Jedi and even the thought of food had your stomach churning. 

One night you woke up panting, sweat pooled on your head as you shot up and clutched the bedsheets. It took you longer than usual to calm down enough that you could breathe properly though your breath still came out shakily.

Unable to sit in your room, you forced yourself out of bed, needing a moment to fight against the shakiness you felt before you slipped into a pair of shoes and threw a robe over yourself. 

Making your way out of the palace was easy enough and without a real destination in mind you found yourself walking the grounds aimlessly, the cold air doing you a world of good. Without meaning to your feet carried you down to the river, body seemingly on autopilot as you were taken to the spot Anakin had found for the two of you long ago. 

It was far enough from the palace that it couldn’t be seen, a giant tree decorated with pink and purple flowers provided shelter from the sun and from anyone who might be nearby. 

It was a beautiful place, one that never failed to calm you. It did the job tonight even if being here sent an ache to your heart. Since discovering this place you had never come here without Anakin and it felt strange to do so now but it also brought you a sense of calm, like you could feel Anakin all around you. 

You wished for his safe return every minute of the day, prayed that the Council would find them and bring Anakin home. Your heart ached for him, your mind filled with words that you had never let yourself speak for fear of him leaving, now wishing he was here to hear every word of it. 

He might not have been able to return your feelings but at least he would know how you felt, he would be able to find peace and warmth in the knowledge that you loved him more than anything in the galaxy, that no matter what you would always be waiting for him. 

Your mind wandered far enough off that you became unaware of your surroundings, unaware of the sun beginning to rise and of the leaves crunching from not far behind you. 

“I thought I might find you here.” A familiar voice, one you had missed for weeks, for months said, causing you to whip your head around so fast it hurt. 

You didn’t say anything for a moment, frozen in place and only able to stare as if it were a ghost before you rather than the Jedi that had come to be yours. 

“Anakin?” You finally managed to force out, voice breaking as tears filled your eyes. 

You were on your feet in a matter of seconds, running straight at Anakin with no warning but it didn’t matter, the Jedi was ready to catch you, arms already open for you. The second you were in his arms, crashing into him so hard he had to take a few steps back just to keep the two of you up, Anakin wrapped you up tightly holding you close to his chest.

You held him back, hands fisting the robes he wore as you buried your face in his chest, tears flowing uncontrollably down your cheeks as you sobbed into him. One of Anakin’s hands shifted to tangle into your hair, holding your head close to him as his other rubbed circles into your back, tears filling his own eyes and some trickling down his cheeks.

“Anakin.” Was all you were able to sob out and Anakin softly shushed you, pressing his lips to the top of your head and letting them rest there, not pulling away from you.

“It’s alright sweetheart, I’m here, I’m back.” Anakin murmured into your hair and you grip tightened on his robes as another sob left you, Anakin continuing to whisper soft reassurances until your sobs finally turned into sniffles and gasps for breath.

“I was so scared.” You whispered into his chest and had you not literally been wrapped around each other he would have missed the words. “I was terrified of what had happened to you.” 

“Look at me,” He said, pulling back only far enough so that he could rest his forehead on yours, the hand in your hair moving to cup your cheek. “I’m ok. I’m so sorry, it was supposed to be an easy mission and then, well everything went as badly as it could but I’m ok, me and Obi-Wan got away and the Council got us out.

Your own hand came up to cup his cheek, your thumb running along his cheekbone as you listened to him speak. Two months he had been captured for, two months he had gone through things that would haunt him for a long time if that look in his eyes told you anything. 

Two months of not knowing, of being sick with worry, all vanished as you looked at him. He was a little skinnier than the last time you had seen him, cheekbones more prominent and he had dark circles under his eyes. There were a few cuts on his face, a bruise you could see fading on his wrist and he looked exhausted.

Even with the exhaustion on his face you could still see how relieved he was, relieved to finally be rescued, to be home, to be with you. For two months his thoughts stayed on you, through every beating and interrogation, through every hit and burn his thoughts stayed on you, on making sure he got out of this so he could see you again, so he could hold you in his arms and never let you go.

To finally be here, to finally have you in his arms, to have you this close to him, to feel your shaky breaths on his face made everything better. It made the pain he still felt more bearable. It was all he had thought about, there were times when he truly thought him and Obi-Wan were going to die, that by the time help came for them they would be long gone. Even when he felt his hope slipping his thoughts still went back to you, of how you would react to hearing the news. Nobody would think to tell you first, to give you warning. As far as the Council was concerned you were nothing more than a mission to him, an order to keep the Senator’s daughter safe because she was an easy target and had absolutely no concern for her own safety. 

And of course that was all you had started out as, a mission for him, a task to keep you alive. It was a mission that if the Council knew just what it had caused, knew the feelings it stirred within Anakin’s mind and heart, they would have regretted it. They spoke so much about how Jedi should not form attachments, how love would lead them to the Dark Side and then forced him onto a mission he hadn’t wanted where he had met the girl of his dreams.

Anakin loved you, more deeply than he had loved anything in his entire life. He could see why the Jedi could think it was a bad thing, all the love he felt for you was overwhelming at times. He knew he would do anything to keep you safe, anything you asked of him without a moment's hesitation. You held so much power over him, power you didn’t even know you held and yet Anakin wasn’t scared, he didn’t think he’d ever be tempted to the Dark Side because of the love he felt for you. If anything, the way you had him wrapped around your little finger and the love he felt was enough to keep him Light Side forever, he would never fall because he knew that wasn’t a path you could follow. You were the best person he knew and he would do anything to be the best person in your life.

Anakin couldn’t help himself, after two months of being tortured alongside Obi-Wan, forced to listen to his Master in pain, forced to spend two months away from you, Anakin was a weak man. He had kept himself back for years, told himself it was not the Jedi way to form attachments but who was Anakin kidding? He knew he felt more deeply than most of the Jedi and for years now he knew he was too attached to you to even begin breaking the string tying you together, the two of you so entwined it would be an impossible task.

Without warning, without hesitation Anakin leaned down. There was hardly any distance between the two of you anyway, foreheads pressed together as you breathed each other's air. He barely had to tilt his head before his lips were brushing against yours, it was a soft touching of lips and yet it created so much electricity between the two of you.

Anakin waited for a reaction before he deepened the kiss but he didn’t get a chance as you pulled him closer, seemingly waiting for his lips against yours for as long as he had been. Once you pulled him close, lips slotting against each other the energy shifted instantly. Gone was the soft, barely there touch of lips and in its place was desperation, longing, fear, relief, too many emotions to name crammed into one messy kiss. 

Anakin’s hands cupped your face, pulling you impossibly closer as your hands moved to his chest, gripping the fabric in your hands as you savoured everything about the kiss, the way his were slightly chapped against your own, the way his hands felt on your face and the way the sparks seemed to fly.

Anakin, unlike you, could feel the Force around the two of you, practically singing in happiness as you kissed each other until you were breathless and then some, only pulling away when the need for air truly became too much. The two of you stayed close though, bringing your foreheads back together and panting as you caught your breath.

“I should get captured more often.” Anakin murmured playfully, smiling down at you and laughing as you pulled away from him, just far enough so you could slap his chest before cuddling back into him.

Anakin smiled into your hair, settling your head under his chin as he held you close, more than content to enjoy this moment. 

“You ever do anything like that again-” You started but Anakin cut you off with a soft laugh and a kiss to your hair.

“Trust me, I don’t plan to ever be away from you for that long again. I don’t know what was worse the torture or not seeing your beautiful smile for two months. Stars, I nearly told them what they wanted to know just to see you again.” Anakin told you, grinning at you as you pulled your head back to look up at him, rolling your eyes at his words but not denying him of the smile that spread across your lips.

“I’m glad you’re home.” You told him softly and his grin faded into a smile as he kissed your forehead and held you to his chest.

The Jedi temple had never truly been his home, he used to think his small hut back on Tatooine was his true home but standing here with you, in your spot by the lake, sun rising and casting a soft orange glow across the planet, he knew in his heart this was his home.

Not the planet, not the beautifully rich palace behind him but the girl in his arms. You were his home, you would always be his home and you would forever have his heart. It was yours to hold, yours to cherish and yours to break. 

If it were anyone else before him he might have been terrified at the thought but because it was you it didn’t even cross his mind to be scared of what was to come. He trusted you with his life, with his heart, with everything. He knew you were the one for him, you were his love and he would do everything he could to keep you and the love between you safe.

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He's Coming For You, I Promise

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Angstember Prompt -  "You have to wake up. Please wake up, for me."

It wasn’t that your Master didn’t trust you to go out alone, you knew he didn’t doubt your abilities but he did prefer having you close by, preferred to have you within arms length so that if a situation happened to turn bad he could keep an eye on you. You didn’t hate his protectiveness but you did wish that during one of the few times he had let you go off without him after much arguing on your behalf, wanting to prove you could do something without his help, that it didn’t go terribly wrong.

Thankfully he hadn’t sent you in completely alone but still the one man he had sent with you was fairing just as well against the droid army, who were definitely not supposed to be there, as you were. Cody and you were back to back with one another, him blasting as many droids as he could whilst you used both your lightsaber and the Force to do the same.

The mission was supposed to be fairly easy, the Jedi Council had enough intel about this base to know that it had been abandoned fairly quickly and that there could be information that was useful to them left behind. You had it on good authority that there may be a few droids who were left but the army had been taken.

It should have been a straight forward mission, you and Cody walk into the base, search it for anything that could help the Jedi and leave. Maybe take down one or two droids whilst you were there but nothing overly taxing.

Instead you and Cody had landed and it had been quiet, no defences, no droids, nothing but the abandoned base you were promised. It wasn’t until you got to the door that the droid army flooded out, surrounding you on all sides before you could even register what had happened. From there it all seemed to be a blur until you saw Cody go flying to the floor and you were blocking hits from every direction.

It was useless to fight back, impossible to gain the upper hand against so many droids. You tried to use your comms link to alert your Master, to alert anyone who might be listening, but at some point during the fight the comms link that rested on your wrist had been hit and only silence came from it.

Sweat ran from your forehead and your breathing was coming out in pants as you continued swinging your lightsaber in one hand and the other was directing droids into each other, tossing them as far back into each other using the Force as possible in a desperate attempt to gain the upper hand.

You fought back as hard as you could, mind screaming in hope that Obi-Wan would sense your distress through the Force wherever he might be. Just like the comms link you only heard silence. 

One of the droids managed to catch you off guard, somehow landing a hit that had your lightsaber flying out of your hand and your hand itself was left in burning pain. Before you even had time to react, to use the Force to guide your lightsaber back to you, shocks ran throughout your entire body as you twitched and screamed before everything turned dark.

“And once Master Windu and his men have completed the ground assault we’ll come in from here and here,” Anakin instructed, his gaze on the holo map as he pointed to different points of entry. 

The words were lost to Obi-Wan, he had been listening to his former Padawan until he felt something that had him tensing, hand moving towards the lightsaber on his hip as he tried to figure out exactly what was wrong.

“Master?” Anakin asked, finally looking away from the map and over to Obi-Wan, taking in his far away look and tense form. “Master!”

“Something’s wrong.” Obi-Wan murmured, a frown on his face as he felt fear through the bond you shared and his heart almost stopped as he felt the bond go silent. “Have we had word from Y/N or Cody?”

“No Sir, they haven’t checked in yet.” Rex told him and Obi-Wan felt panic building inside him. 

“Anakin, you’ll have to lead this mission without me and send my apologies to Master Windu.” Obi-Wan told him, already ordering for a cruiser to be ready for him as he turned to leave.

“Wait, Master!” Anakin called, following Obi-Wan and stopping him with a hand to his arm, “What’s happening?”

“Something has happened to Y/N, maybe Cody too. I have to go.” Obi-Wan told him shortly, tugging his arm away from Anakin and making his way to the hangar bay, glancing towards Anakin as he continued to follow him.

“You’re sure they’re in danger? Maybe they’re just-” Anakin began, knowing full well how quickly missions could turn and make it impossible to check in.

“They’re in danger, she’s, Y/N’s in danger, Anakin, and I sent her there.” Obi-Wan told him, desperately trying to keep his emotions at bay, to stop the onslaught of images that invaded his mind of all the things that could be happening to you. “I sent her there.”

“Master,” Anakin said, struggling for words. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d saw Obi-Wan like this, “She’ll be fine-”

“You can’t guarantee that Anakin.” Obi-Wan protested, cutting Anakin off again.

“Yes I can because you trained her and even if something has happened she’ll still be fine because you’re going to make sure she is. She knows you’re coming, Obi-Wan.” Anakin told him, the two of them coming to a stop outside of the cruiser and Obi-Wan turned towards his old Padawan, worry clear in his eyes but his shoulders did drop a little as the tension left them at his words. “Bring them home safe, Master.”

As you came back to yourself you groaned as shocks pulsed throughout your entire body. You tried to open your eyes but found they were too heavy, your entire body felt heavy, your body being forced to stay upright making you feel every bit of pain from the shocks.

“Sir?” You heard somebody call and it took a few moments to register that the voice belonged to Cody.  You tried to answer him but all that left your lips was another pained groan as your body jolted weakly as it was shocked once more. “Can you hear me?”

It seemed like an eternity passed before you managed to pull your eyes open, blinking them shut harshly despite the fact the room wasn’t that well lit. After a few more seconds though you managed to open them properly and looked over to where Cody was being held next to you, his own body pulsing with the shocks.

“Where are we?” You managed to ask weakly, crying out softly as more shocks hit you.

“I’m not sure,” Cody told you, pausing to let out a pained grunt before continuing, “nobody has been in since I woke up. I can’t send word to the General either.” He told you, nodding down to the broken comms unit on his wrist.

“Obi-Wan,” You began but cut yourself off as the shocks seemed to get worse all of a sudden, one after the other in rapid motion, the intensity of them increasing with each one and you couldn’t stop the tears that poured down your face. “Obi-Wan please,” You started to say but the pain became too much and you slipped off again.

Obi-Wan could hardly remember the trip to the planet you were on, what he did know is that it was much too far away. It was just over two days after he had set off that he was landing on the planet's sandy ground, cursing himself for sending you so far away, anything could have happened to you in the two days' travel.

Since he couldn’t land outside the base he had landed a few klicks away, thankfully it wasn’t too far a distance and before long he could see the base as well as the damage you and Cody must have caused before something happened to you.

The number of droids was alarming to say the least, dozens of them lay defeated at his feet and these were just the ones two people were able to take down, Obi-Wan shuddered to think just how many there had been. Clearly their intel had been very wrong, to go from an abandoned base to one protected by a droid army.

As he walked further down towards the entrance he paused as something glistened under the suns and felt his heart sink as he saw your lightsaber laying there, knowing you wouldn’t lose it unless something had happened to you.

Obi-Wan shook his head as he picked it up before he forced himself to move, no time to think about what it meant now, the only important thing was getting you out alive.

“You have to stay awake, Y/N.” Cody said from somewhere at your side but your eyes remained shut.

You had no idea how long you’d been here, in the time you had been there though multiple creatures had entered the room, all of them demanding information about things you didn’t even know about. You were only a Padawan and told them as much, it wasn’t like you were a member of the Council, you had no idea of the information they knew.

Still the creatures refused to believe you and each of them had different tactics to make you talk, all of them ending with you sobbing, bleeding, screaming and pleading for Obi-Wan. Your body was exhausted and battered, your throat was painfully sore from the screaming and you struggled to stay awake. When they weren’t torturing you they had you held up in a containment field and continued to shock you every few seconds, your body never getting a single moment of relief.

“Open your eyes, Sir.” Cody demanded hoarsely, he wasn’t in as bad a state as you were, having only been bound and shocked repeatedly. You knew he would have traded places with you in a heartbeat but the creatures only wanted you, they figured a Padawan of a Jedi Council member must hold all the knowledge Obi-Wan had.

“Obi-Wan,” You managed to choke out, tears silently running down your face as each breath pained you. “Obi-”

“He’s coming for you,” Cody promised and you tried to open your eyes, tried to look over at him but it was so hard to move your body. “He’s coming for you, Y/N, I promise but you have to stay awake, you hear me?”

You wanted to tell him that yes, you heard him but your body refused to cooperate, refused to do as you wanted it to. Instead you felt yourself drifting off again, Cody’s voice eventually fading into nothing as you lost consciousness. 

The base was a large, almost factory-like building with many doors and although Obi-Wan managed to enter the base without much difficulty, taking out a droid or two, he was having a much more difficult time locating you now that he couldn’t feel you through the Force though he refused to think about that too much, refused to let himself think about what it could mean.

“Oh no, a Jedi.” One of the droids said once Obi-Wan had made his way deep enough into the building to find a section that had much more activity.

“Where is the girl?” He asked, lightsaber raised at the ready.

When he received nothing but threats he was quick to take down the droids until one remained and he watched as it dropped its gun to point down a long corridor. With a nod he made quick work of that droid too so it didn’t alert whoever was holding you of his presence. 

He made his way down the corridor, lightsaber in front of him lighting his path down. He listened as he passed each door and began to lose hope in this direction, figuring the droid had been lying when he saw two more stood in front of a door a few more steps away from him.

Obi-Wan didn’t hesitate to move forward, quickly dismantling the two droids before letting out an annoyed huff when he tried the door only to realise it could only be accessed with a facial scan. It didn’t take him more than a second to jam the lightsaber through the door, cutting a circle big enough for him to get through and using the Force to quickly move the piece.

“General?” He heard a hoarse voice from inside as he climbed through to see Cody. “General, she needs you.”

At those words his attention turned to where Cody nodded, his heart stopping as he saw you being held up, your body was slumped in on itself. From where he stood at the door he could see bruises and blood and he could only watch in horror as your body weakly jolted as shocks assaulted you.

Quickly he snapped himself out of his frozen state and ran over to you, easily freeing you from the binds holding you in place and catching you as you fell. It didn’t take him much effort to pick you up, carrying you in his arms as he made his way to Cody, freeing him from his binds too and handing him a blaster.

“It’s good to see you, Sir.” Cody said, relief clear in his voice and Obi-Wan nodded as he tightened his grip on you though still being careful of the many wounds. “She knew you’d come.” 

Those words sent a warm feeling through him and he had to force it down until he knew you were going to be ok. 

“It’s good to see you too, now let’s get out of here.” Obi-Wan said and thankfully whoever was holding you still didn’t seem to know Obi-Wan had broken in and rescued the two of you. There was no struggle getting out of the building, Cody dealing with a few droids here and there but nothing like when you had first arrived.

It was as you all boarded the ship the droid army flooded out of the building and Obi-Wan was quick to start the engine and put some much needed distance between you and them, narrowly avoiding the shots being fired at them.

“What in the stars happened out here?” Obi-Wan asked Cody, glancing back to where he had placed you in one of the seats, his robe wrapped around you as you remained unconscious. 

“There were so many of them, Sir, no matter how hard we fought back, more of them kept coming. They got me first, I-I should have protected her but-”

“Cody, this isn’t your fault.” Obi-Wan assured but the trooper just sighed before continuing.

“I woke first and we were being held in that room. Nobody came in whilst I was awake but once Y/N woke these creatures came and started,” Cody cut himself off as fury ran through his veins, hating how useless he had been, not able to free himself to help you, “Sir, they tortured her, they wanted information about a holocron? Something about all future Jedi? I don’t know, Sir, but they seemed to think Y/N had the information they wanted. She’s been in and out of consciousness for a while but passed out not long before you got there.” 

The rest of the trip was fairly silent. It was a two day journey back and in that time you hadn’t woken up once. Obi-Wan had to force himself not to panic, to focus on getting you back home and straight to the medical facility. 

Cody had taken over flying the ship after a day's rest with the instruction that Obi-Wan should be with you and Obi-Wan was hardly going to protest to that. As he sat beside you, holding your hand gently in his as his thumb brushed the bruised skin he couldn’t stop the tears that came to his eyes. 

“You have to wake up.” He whispered to you as he lifted your hand to his lips, pressing a soft gentle kiss to the back of it as he let the tears fall down his cheeks. “Please wake up, for me.”

His desperate plea received no response and he could do little more than sit by your side and cry until he was forced to collect himself as Cody landed the ship and he lifted you into his arms again. 

Anakin was already waiting in the hangar bay along with Rex, a medical droid beside them and transport waiting to take you to the medical facility. He shot Anakin a thankful look, his former Padawan nodding back with a sympathetic smile before his gaze strayed down to you in Obi-Wan’s arms. 

Obi-Wan lay you down as gently as possible, his robes still covering your body and most of the visible bruises, though the two who had gathered to greet you winced at the cuts and bruises on your face, Obi-Wan having cleaned the blood as best he could on the journey back.

“I have to check in with the Council,” Obi-Wan announced after the medical droid promised to take you over to the medical facility, “Cody make sure you’re treated too.”

“Obi-Wan,” Anakin protested as the medical droid and Cody left with you, “the Council can wait, she needs you now.”

“I’m not sure what help I can be to her now, Anakin. At least by speaking to the Council we can arrange further investigation into exactly what happened out there.” Obi-Wan told him but truthfully all he wanted to do was follow you, hating to be separated from you when he’d only just gotten you back.

“Well fill me in and I’ll inform the council of what happened out there.” And in that moment Obi-Wan had never been more thankful for the man in front of him, a grateful smile spreading across his face as he reached up to squeeze Anakin’s shoulder.

“Thank you Anakin.” He said, trying to get across just how much he meant those words and the smile Anakin gave him in return showed his meaning was clear and so with that he told Anakin what Cody had told him before parting ways and making his way over to you.

By the time he arrived at the medical facility you were still being patched up by the medical droids, bacta salve covering most of your body as they worked on stitching cuts Obi-Wan hadn’t even seen. He stood back and let them work though he desperately wanted to be next to you. He noticed Cody in the bed next to yours, armour completely removed as he rested, the exhaustion finally taking over knowing that the two of you were home and safe. 

The medical droids seemed to work on you for hours but eventually they pulled away from you, running one last check to make sure you were ok before they left, one of them making their way over to Obi-Wan.

“Is she going to be ok?” He asked, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

“She has suffered severe electro shocks, we cannot confirm how much harm this has done until she is awake. She may be fine, sore but fine, or she may lose feeling in certain areas. The burns will heal with repeated treatments. Her breathing is stable after the shocks caused some difficulty. Her wounds are treatable, repeated treatments will see them clearing up though some may scar. She will be fine.” The medical droid told him and Obi-Wan almost sobbed in relief at hearing last those four words.

“Thank you,” He said tearfully, “When will she wake?”

“I cannot say. After the abuse her body has withstood it has forced itself to shut off, both to stop feeling the pain and because of the exhaustion she felt. It could be a matter of hours or days but she will wake.” The droid said and Obi-Wan drew a shaky breath, nodding his thanks before making his way over to the chair that had been left at the side of your bed.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Obi-Wan whispered, the words mumbled against the back of your hand that he had taken in his and brought up to his lips to press a gentle kiss to, “I should never have sent you out there, I should have been with you.”

Eventually Obi-Wan’s tears stopped falling and it wasn’t long until he fell asleep with his head resting on the bed, hand still entwined with yours.

Days passed with no movement from you, Obi-Wan only had the constant beep of the heart monitor telling him you were ok as he sat by your side day in and day out. There was a war going on outside the room, one that he should be involved in, giving orders to men who counted on him and yet he found that he didn’t care. Anything that took him away from your side wasn’t worth it.

Thankfully Anakin hadn’t hesitated to fill Obi-Wan’s space, telling his Master that he would make sure everything was going to plan and his only job was making sure you made a full recovery. Obi-Wan hadn’t thought he could feel more grateful towards Anakin than he had the day he’d arrived back at base with you but his former Padawan continued to prove him wrong.

Even though you had yet to wake your injuries were healing themselves, the burns had eased, the bruises had faded and most of your stitches had been removed. The only thing left was for your body to overcome the exhaustion so that you could wake up. 

“How is she doing?” Anakin asked as he entered the medical facility, Rex, Ashoka and Cody, who had been released some days ago after receiving the all clear, all in tow.

“Still sleeping.” Obi-Wan sighed, his thumb brushing against the back of your hand. 

“She’ll wake soon, Master.” Anakin assured as he sat on your other side, reaching up to brush a piece of hair back from your face. 

Obi-Wan didn’t doubt Anakin’s words, he knew you were strong, knew that you’d push through but the waiting was agonising, all he wanted was for you to open your eyes, to see that you were ok.

You come back to wakefulness and the first thing you noticed was that you couldn’t feel any pain, a few aches here and there but nothing compared to the pain you had felt the last time you were awake and blessedly you couldn’t feel any more shocks. 

You tried to pry your eyes open but found they wouldn’t cooperate which sent a spike of anxiety through you, you wanted to open them, wanted to see where you were and if you were safe, you wanted to know that Cody was ok.

A soft, quiet voice stopped you from attempting to open your eyes and you felt an overpowering sense of relief and happiness once you were able to identify just who the voice belonged to. 

“I really do wish you’d wake up, Y/N.” He whispered, he wasn’t alone in his worry for you anymore. Your friends' worry grew with each passing day and the medical droids had been stumped after two weeks passed with no movement from you. “We all miss you. I miss you, Y/N, I miss you terribly despite being by your side everyday. I miss your laugh, I miss seeing your eyes, miss seeing them light up. I shouldn’t care so much for you, I know the Jedi would condemn me for having such an attachment to you but I find it impossible to stop myself when it comes to you. I wish I were brave enough to tell you but- that doesn’t matter, all that matters is that you get better. I should never have sent you to that base, I should have been by your side the way it has been since our first day together. I just- I really wish you’d wake up.”

You couldn’t move if you wanted to but in that moment you were glad you were frozen, not wanting a single twitch of your finger to cut Obi-Wan’s words off, not when they were the very ones you’d longed to hear. 

You felt the gentle kiss pressed to the back of your hand, felt his thumb brushing against the same place but no more words left his lips. You didn’t mind, more content to feel his touch as it soothed your panic away over your frozen state. 

Even if you couldn’t move yet, even if you couldn’t force your eyes to open, it didn’t matter. You knew you were safe, Obi-Wan had saved you and he was sitting by your side. Whenever Obi-Wan was around you knew you were safe, knew that no harm would come to you and that helped you drift off into an actual sleep for the first time in weeks. 

The second time you woke you were worried you were still in that base, bound and waiting for any chance of rescue but then you felt the hand in yours and knew you were safe, knew Obi-Wan’s words and soft touches hadn’t been a dream but instead it was reality and you found this time around you could blink awake. 

Your eyes were heavy and it took a few attempts to pry them open but eventually you managed, scrunching them shut against the bright lights in whatever room you were in, probably the medical facility if Obi-Wan had his way and you weren’t conscious to fight him over it. 

You couldn’t stop the soft smile that spread across your face as you saw Obi-Wan, his hand was still holding yours but he was slumped over in the uncomfortable chairs the medical facility had, his head resting on the mattress next to your hip. You could see his face clearly and the dark circles under his eyes, had he stayed with you this whole time? That’s what he had said, right, ‘I miss you terribly despite being by your side everyday’.

Your smile grew wider until it was taken away as pain spread through your body as you tried to shift, Obi-Wan immediately sitting up, worry clear in his bleary eyes. 

You saw the exact moment his sleep-addled mind recognised you were awake, watching as his eyes widened and he seemed to freeze, only able to stare at you in shock. The shock quickly faded into relief, his shoulders relaxing at seeing your eyes open for the first time in however long it had been. 

“Y/N,” he said, the word so soft, barely a whisper like he was afraid he was dreaming this moment, like the second he spoke the scene would shift back to your unconscious body. 

You couldn’t stop the tears that filled your eyes at hearing his voice. Even though you had seen him, seen the medical facility and knew Obi-Wan had saved you there was still some part of you that needed something more, needed to hear Obi-Wan again to know you were truly ok. 

“It’s alright, Y/N,” Obi-Wan told you, keeping his voice soft as he watched tears flow uncontrollably down your cheeks. Sobs of relief, of fear, of overwhelment leaving you and he was quick to move from the chair to join you on the bed, enough room on it for him to lay down next to you and pull you into his chest. “You’re ok, I have you now.”

You clung to Obi-Wan’s robe, letting him surround you completely both in the Force and in person, his comforting, soothing presence letting you know just how safe you were. Obi-Wan’s whispered words of comfort, of praise, washed over you and you could do little else but lean into the man, letting him hold you, fingers running up and down your arm as he somehow pulled you even closer.

You couldn’t say just how long you lay there for just letting Obi-Wan hold you but eventually your tears turned into little sniffs. You made no move to pull away from him, attempting to burrow yourself deeper into his chest and smiling when you felt the man chuckle.  

“You’re safe.” Obi-Wan promised you, mumbling the words into your hair before placing a soft kiss there. “I have you, you’re alright.”

“Obi-Wan,” you whispered into his chest, gripping the fabric of his robe even tighter in your fist, “Obi-Wan.”

“I’m here, dear one, I have you now.” Obi-Wan assured you.

“Thank you,” you said, repeated the words a few times before Obi-Wan shushed you, silencing you gently and bringing one hand up to cup the back of your head, playing with your hair causing you to relax further into him, eyes falling closed knowing you could drift off again safe in the man’s arms, knowing no harm could come to you so long as were here.

________

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Enough for You

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Angstember Prompt -  "I really wish you had told me that before I went and fell in love with you."

In the beginning, like most things were, it was good. It started with the feeling of butterflies in your stomach and your heart skipping a beat, it evolved into realisation of what your feelings were and hope that he could feel the same. It grew into stolen glances and longing until it finally turned into a desperate kiss, your face cupped in his hands and yours gripping the fabric of his robe.

Like all things, it started out good.

Of course once the two of you sorted through your feelings, once the two of you finally sat down together and confessed that you wanted more than friendship, it had to be kept a secret. Neither of you cared about that though, it was nice having something that was only yours. 

And for two years it was good.

You and Anakin hardly had that awkward stage at the beginning of your relationship, the one that consisted of dancing around each other as you got to know one another. You had been friends for years, you had met him when you were ten years old, your Master had fallen ill and had been confined to the Halls of Healing leaving you alone. Anakin had found you one day, struggling to meditate and that’s how Obi-Wan found his Padawan hours later, sat next to you as he taught you as his Master taught him.

From there on you and Anakin had become inseparable, a closeness that had many raising an eyebrow but only voiced concerns quietly to each other. Master Jedi may not have liked how close you were, a friendship that seemed like an attachment, but they couldn’t deny when your Master’s went on missions together you and Anakin worked flawlessly together. 

As the years passed the bond between you and Anakin only got stronger and stronger. The two of you were always at each other's side, training together, exploring the grounds and the Temple, sneaking out together and seeing Coruscant together. There had been occasions where you and Anakin had stolen one of the speeders so Anakin could show off to you, it always ended with you clinging to him as he took corners way too fast and Obi-Wan scolding the pair of you. 

Seven years of friendship seemed to fly by as fast as Anakin on a speeder and suddenly the two of you were seventeen. Neither of you particularly liked looking back on most of your time as seventeen years old, not when it was the first year that saw the two of you distancing yourselves from the other. 

It wasn’t as though you’d had a falling out with each other, it wasn't like you didn’t want to spend your days at his side but it was the first year that you both seemed to make sense of everything you had been feeling. Of course these feelings weren’t new to either of you, you had both been feeling them for years now but before they didn’t seem significant, they didn’t seem like something that needed to be looked into because they didn’t mean anything back then.

But now…now they meant something and you couldn’t be around Anakin without becoming flustered and he couldn’t be around you without flushing and stammering through a sentence. 

It wasn’t a pleasant eight months to say the least. Both of you had become so used to spending seven years attached to each other that to suddenly be without the other was lonely, there wasn’t a better word for it. Both of you were lonely and it was for that reason that you both eventually ended up sitting down with each other and telling each other how you felt.

Obviously it wasn’t an easy conversation. The Jedi had spent years drilling it into your heads about how attachments were wrong, about how loving a singular person was a one way path to the Dark Side. To confess your feelings to each other went against everything you had both been taught and yet it hadn’t stopped you. If any was going to break the Jedi Code then it would come as no shock to anybody that it would be you and Anakin.

After that conversation things quickly went back to normal and you and Anakin easily fell back into each other's lives like you’d never been separated. It worried many of the elder Jedi but others, like Obi-Wan and your own Master, were just relieved after having put up with eight months of grumpy and sad Padawan’s.

It wasn’t hard to keep your relationship a secret. By now you and Anakin knew plenty of hiding places in the Temple and the two of you disappearing for hours had long since stopped concerning people so nobody would come looking for you. It also helped that your Master’s tended to go on missions together so you and Anakin were able to sneak away there and explore the new sights together. There had been plenty of times you’d been in his chambers or him in yours and had nearly been caught locked at the lips but Anakin was quite good at multitasking and was always able to warn you before somebody entered the room, giving you a minute to compose yourselves.

In the time you had been dating Anakin had snuck you out of the Temple more times than you could count, always pulling you along with him to whatever surprise he had planned. Sometimes it was a picnic in a quiet place that took a long time to get to but it was always worth it. Other times it was to explore different things, join celebrations in the city, many times though it was a chance to blend in amongst the crowd and act like a normal couple. 

It might have been annoying at times to hide your relationship, neither you nor Anakin saw how it would lead you to the Dark Side, but you made it work.

And then Master Kenobi walked into his chambers, you and Anakin barely having time to pull away from each other as he did. Master Kenobi looked between the two of you with a look you couldn’t quite discern but it was gone just as quietly as he told you and Anakin you were to watch over the Senator of Naboo.

Anakin immediately beamed at the news causing you to raise an eyebrow but you shrugged it off and instead asking why you were going. It wasn’t rare for you to join Anakin and Obi-Wan on a mission but usually your Master joined though lately it was becoming less often as he got older. Obi-Wan just smiled at you and told you your Master had suggested it to the Council and they had agreed.

It wasn’t long until the three of you were on your way to meet the Senator. You liked to think you knew Anakin pretty well by now, liked to think you could read his easily but now as you stared at him, fingers tugging on the braid as his leg bounced you would have said, easily, that he was nervous. 

But what was there to be nervous about?

Obi-Wan too picked up on Anakin’s nerves as the three of you arrived at the Senate building and entered the turbolift up to the Senator’s apartment, glancing at his Padawan who fidgeted with his robes and tugged on the braid again.

“You seem a little on edge.” Obi-wan prompted, breaking the silence in the lift and you couldn’t help but stand straighter, waiting for Anakin’s response.

“Not at all.” Anakin replied, the words entirely unconvincing to you, causing your eyebrows to knit together as you frowned, folding your arms together. 

Obi-Wan continued on and you listened to the two of them bicker back and forth for a moment before the two of them laughed and Obi-Wan turned towards his Padawan, just looking for a second before he spoke.

“You’re sweating,” He told Anakin and you lifted your head slightly at that, looking at Anakin out of the corners of your eyes and seeing Obi-Wan was right. “Relax, take a deep breath.”

You had a feeling in the pit of your stomach, a bad one, one that felt heavy and cold and you desperately tried to push it away. Nothing had happened, so what Anakin was nervous, so what he was acting like he had when the two of you didn’t speak in the eight months you had drifted apart because of your crush. 

It didn’t mean anything.

“I haven’t seen her in ten years, Master.” Anakin murmured quietly to Obi-Wan and you closed your eyes desperate to fight back any emotion, trying to force everything you were feeling out into the Force. 

Nothing more was said in the turbolift, Obi-Wan just let out a small sigh and Anakin frowned, glancing at you before doing a double take as if he had forgot you were there but you just looked ahead, acting as if you had missed the look before the door opened and you stepped out. 

Seeing the Senator of Naboo only made the cold feeling inside you grow. Of course she was beautiful, with her hair pulled up in an intricate design, his voice soft and light. Her eyes were a beautiful shade of brown that seemed to light up as she looked at Anakin, looked at Ani. 

Of course she was beautiful. 

Anakin himself seemed even more nervous than he had been in the turbolift. As he addressed her a smile came across his face, shy and sweet and adoring. Then he went and called her beautiful and he wasn’t wrong but it still twisted the knife you felt had been plunged into you. 

Obi-Wan glanced away as Anakin stumbled over his words, a look on his face as if to say what in the stars is he doing before it was replaced by a concerned look as he took in the look on your face. You thought you were doing a better job at hiding it but apparently not, apparently there was enough hurt, enough jealousy and fear on your face to give something away. 

You forced yourself again to expel your feelings into the Force, perhaps too forcefully if the way Anakin turned to you and Obi-Wan’s raised eyebrows meant anything.

“Ah Senator, this is Padawan Y/F/N Y/L/N, she will be assisting in the protection of your safety.” Obi-Wan introduced you softly, sparing you another concerned glance but you forced a neutral look onto your face before bowing your head towards the Senator.

“It’s nice to meet you, Y/N.” She said in that soft tone of hers, a warm smile on her face as she held a hand out for you.

“Pleased to meet you, Senator.” You replied evenly, swallowing against the lump in your throat you reached out and shook her hand.

Obi-Wan began discussions about Padmé’s protection with Captain Typho and you listened half-heartedly though you didn’t take much in. You sat on one side of Obi-Wan and Anakin sat on the other, something which made Obi-Wan raise an eyebrow but as he looked at Anakin he saw his gaze was focused on Padmé and you were much more interested in your fingers playing with your robes than you were with him.

“-not to start an investigation.” You heard Obi-Wan tell the Senator but then Anakin quickly interrupted him in a way he wouldn't have had the Senator been anybody else.

“We will find out who’s trying to kill you Padmé.” At those words you glanced up, looking over far enough to see Obi-Wan’s look of disapproval, disapproval that only deepened at Anakin’s next words. “I promise you.”

As Obi-Wan argued against Anakin’s words you couldn’t help but look away again, not baring to look at Anakin or Padmé. He was trying to impress her, his mission here wasn’t about finding the person trying to kill her it was only to protect and yet here he was jumping at the chance to do as she asked, the chance to gain her favour. 

You knew it all too well because it was what he had done with you, in an effort to impress you any time you said you wanted something Anakin wouldn’t hesitate to do it in hopes that you would like him more. Of course you hadn’t realised that was what he was doing until after you were dating but now you saw it clear as day.

The cold feeling in your stomach only grew as Anakin argued with Obi-Wan, desperate to find the person trying to kill the Senate. You hated the sudden stinging in your eyes and your lips quivered as you tried to fight tears back. There was no use getting upset, you could still be blowing this out of proportion.

And yet something told you you weren’t. You didn’t have a good feeling about this mission.

It wasn’t long until everyone retired from the meeting leaving you, Anakin and Obi-Wan alone. Anakin went out to the balcony and Obi-Wan followed behind him. You stayed where you were on the sofa, barely noticing them leave as your mind was clouded with sadness and anger. 

Perhaps this is why the Jedi didn’t let you fall in love, to form attachments. 

Of course you weren’t planning on falling to the Dark Side just because Anakin had a crush on the Senator but you could see how a Jedi could fall. How the anger and pain at losing a loved one in such a way, a way that would create jealousy and hatred, could lead to a Jedi falling. 

You loved Anakin with all your heart. At first it had scared you just how much power Anakin held over you, how he had the ability to break you with just a few words but then months passed, beautiful and joyous months that settled your nerves. He was it for you, there would never be another.

You had once thought he felt the same for you.

He said he hadn’t seen the Senator for ten years, a year before he met you. All that time he had spent with you she was somewhere in his mind, however distant, she was there. You had seen his face when she spoke to him, the guilt as he glanced at you in the turbolift, he had always had her in his mind.

Whilst your entire heart was his, he only shared a bit of his with you, some part of it always belonged to her even if he had been but a child when he first met her.

You lay on the sofa, facing the back of it and closed your eyes but it did nothing to stop the tears that slid from them and it took all your effort to cry silently, to push the sobs you felt down. 

You had never been his, not in the way he had been yours. 

“I’d much rather dream about Padmé.” You heard Anakin tell Obi-Wan as they stepped closer to the main room, “just being around her again is intoxicating.”

“And what of Y/N?” You heard Obi-Wan ask and your blood ran cold again as you forced yourself to relax as they entered the room, not wanting them to know you were awake. You missed the questioning glance Anakin shot towards Obi-Wan, surely the man couldn’t know. “I would have thought after spending so many years at her side, Padmé wouldn’t have filled your thoughts.”

Anakin was silent for a long moment, a moment that you spent trying to stay quiet, even as sobs built up in your throat.

“Of course when I’m with Y/N it’s different. They’re so different from each other that Padmé doesn’t cross my mind all that often but I still think about her. I still dream about her some days, the angel I met on Tatooine.” Anakin’s words had you pleading with the Force, desperate to stay silent even as you felt your heart break. “Y/N is my best friend but compared to Padmé-”

“And here I thought Y/N meant more to you than that.” Obi-Wan murmured thoughtfully, causing Anakin to still and turn to face his Master.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Anakin asked defensively.

“Nothing, young Padawan, just that I have spent years watching you and Y/N, watching as your friendship grew. I suggest if you feel this way for Padmé you tell Y/N how you feel. Not that it should matter of course, you swore your commitment to the Jedi Order, a commitment that forbids attachment, not that I need to remind you of that, right Padawan?” You felt your heart skip a beat at Obi-Wan’s words because he knew- he knew about you and Anakin.

There was no doubt about it, Obi-Wan had to know why else would bring you up at all? If you were truly just a friend to Anakin why would he have to tell you that he loved the Senator. Obi-Wan knew about you and Anakin, how long had he known? Why had he let the two of you carry on instead of turning you over to the Council for such a blatant breach of the Code?

“Of course not, Master. I am well aware of the Code.” Anakin told him evenly, glancing away from his Master.

As the two of them spoke you felt something shift, a disturbance that had you frowning as you tried to figure out whether it was something in the Force warning you of danger or if it were simply your own emotions.

“I sense it too.” You heard Obi-Wan say and you sat up in time to see them running into the Senator’s room. 

You quickly wiped your eyes on your robe and followed behind them and watched as Anakin pulled his lightsaber out, dealing with whatever had been about to harm the Senator. 

You were able to ignore your feelings as you took in the scene but then Obi-Wan told you to watch over the Senator as he and Anakin went to track down the droid and though you hated the thought you nodded and watched them leave.

You glanced at the Senator and found the feelings slamming into you, the pain and the hurt and the anger all too overwhelming.

“Are you alright?” Padmé asked you, even in the darkness of the room she could see the redness of your eyes.

“Just fine.” You told her evenly, voice coming out cold as you tried to choke back your emotions, scanning the room once before leaving. The Senator followed behind you, though you wished she’d just go back to sleep so you could have a minute alone to process everything.

“You don’t like me much, do you?” She asked, sitting on the sofa opposite you.

“I don’t know you.” You answered as close to the truth as you could get because the truth was no, you didn’t like her all that much. How could you? You were more than aware it wasn’t her fault, she was beautiful, what had Anakin called her, an angel?

He was right about that and you hated it. 

“And yet you look at me like I’m your enemy.” She told you and you couldn’t help but frown as you looked away from her. “Does this have something to do with Ani?”

Ani, you hated the way the word fell from her lips like it was familiar. 

“No, Senator. Like I said I don’t have a problem with you, I don’t know you. You really should go back to sleep.” You told her, still not able to bring yourself to look at her, knowing if you did you would only be able to compare yourself to her, to wonder what she had that you didn’t.

Why was she good enough for Anakin and you weren’t? You who had spent years at his side, years giving him all your love, giving him your heart.

“I can hardly sleep after another attempt on my life.” She told you lightly and you could feel her gaze on you. All you wanted to do was leave, to make her look away, to scream and cry and curse the world but you couldn’t do any of that right now. “Besides, I'd much rather talk to you, to find out why you don’t like me.”

You took a deep breath, forcing your emotions into the Force again but there were too many and they just kept building up and you knew eventually they’d explode from you. You needed to be alone desperately, all you wanted was to be alone.

“It is Anakin, isn’t it?” She pushed and if she kept prodding you knew she would be the one your emotions turned on. “Wait, do you like Anakin? I didn’t think the Jedi were-”

You couldn’t take it, you couldn’t listen to her piece the situation together, couldn’t listen as she laughed at how foolish someone like you was for falling for someone like Anakin when someone like her existed. 

You stood abruptly from your seat causing Padmé to say your name softly but you ignored her and strode from the room, ignoring as the Senator called after you. You knew Obi-Wan would scold you for this later, for leaving the Senator alone barely ten minutes after her assassination attempt. You knew if something happened to her you’d have more problems than a telling off from Obi-Wan but right now you didn’t care.

All you cared about was being as far away from her and from Anakin and from everybody as you could be. 

You eventually found an empty room not too many floors down from the Senator’s apartment. The view was beautiful but you hardly noticed it as you sat on the floor, the only light coming from the floor to ceiling windows. 

You let your eyes fall closed, let all your emotions come to the surface and let the tears fall down your cheeks uncontrollably. A few sobs may have escaped you but you didn’t hear them as you tried to push your feelings into the Force but you couldn’t, they were too strong and they seemed to cling to you, making you feel every bit of them.

You didn’t know how long passed until the door opened as somebody sat next to you. You knew it was Anakin, you knew what he felt like in the Force better than you knew yourself. The feeling in the pit of your stomach seemed at its heaviest, at its coldest and you really didn’t have a good feeling about this conversation.

You knew what was going to happen, knew it had to happen and yet you were completely unprepared. You had never had to be without Anakin, even in those few months you had grown apart you didn’t cut yourself off from him completely but after this you didn’t know if you could look at him again without breaking down.

“You love her.” You said stoically when it became clear he wasn’t going to speak first.

“I don’t want to.” He told you, voice shaking as he spoke and you couldn’t help the huff of laughter that left you.

“But you love her.” You said, voice breaking as tears continued to fall down your cheeks.

“I love you too.” He pleaded with you, desperate for you to know that. 

“But you love her more, right? Otherwise I would have been enough for you. If you loved me as much as I love you then there wouldn’t be room for another in your heart.” You had yet to open your eyes, you didn’t think you could look at him, not with your emotions this close to the surface.

“I can’t help it, Y/N. If I could get rid of my feelings for her I would have done it years ago but I can’t. She’s always in my mind, sometimes she’s in my dreams and seeing her again brought those feelings forward again.” Anakin told you, sniffing as he fought back his own tears.

“I really wish you had told me that before I went and fell in love with you. I wish you cared enough about me to spare my feelings, to spare me the humiliation-” 

“I didn’t know I was going to meet her again! I thought I’d never see her again and I love you. I love you dearly, Y/N, don’t ever think I don’t.” Anakin exclaimed and you finally opened your eyes.

He was sat next to you, tears falling down his cheeks as he stared at you with wide eyes but you shook your head.

“You don’t love me, Anakin.” You told him coldly, forcing your tears to stop if only for a few moments, “You don’t because I love you and I know that I would never do this to you. You were the only person I cared for this much, the only person I loved enough to break the Code for. I would have done anything for you, Anakin, anything. Now I feel as though I’m looking at a stranger.” 

“Come on Y/N, please don’t say that. I love you, all our years together-”

“We’re nothing more to you than a distraction from Padmé!” You exclaimed standing up and wiping your eyes angrily. 

“Don’t say that!” Anakin shot back, standing up as well.  “Don’t ever say that, don’t think it. My time with you was real, it was honest, every moment and every word of it. Don’t erase it now, Y/N.”

“Two years we have been together, loved each other for much longer. You were my best friend, Anakin.” You told him, your voice breaking as he stared at you with wide, pleading eyes. “You knew her for moments compared to us, met her when you were only a child and yet somehow she is more important to you than I could ever be.”

“Y/N,” He pleaded with you but no other words came out of his mouth.

“You broke my heart Anakin. I always knew you had the power to do it but, stars, I never thought you actually would.” You laughed, a sad sob of a laugh. “I really hope she was worth it Anakin, I hope she makes you so happy.” 

“Come on Y/N, please don’t do this.” Tears continued to fall from his eyes as he pleaded with you but you shook your head.

“I’m not the one doing this, Anakin. You’re the one who let me fall in love with you whilst your heart belonged to another. This is all on you. You are the reason I have lost not only the love of my life but my best friend too.” You told him, your voice breaking again as you fought tears back.

“I’m sorry.” He told you, his voice barely above a whisper and you shook your head, turning to leave the room, sparing him one last glance. 

“I really hope she’s worth it.” You told him, a smile, shaky and filled with sadness and bitterness and anger spreading across your face as Anakin’s eyes fell closed and you left the room, leaving behind the man you loved with a broken heart and tears falling from your eyes.

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Tell Me Later

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Angstember Prompt -  “I'm so sorry.”

When the war started you thought you had prepared for the worst, you worked tirelessly with your parents to ensure your planet was as protected as it could be. You made sure your people would have food supplies in case anything happened with the trade system, made sure you were well armed in case of an attack.

You thought you had prepared for the worst. So when you received the announcement that your parents ship had been blown up and there were no survivors, you didn’t know how to react. 

There was no time to grieve. In the space of a day you had gone from working behind the scenes to ensure your planet's safety to taking your family’s seat in the Senate, a position you had never wanted and taking up the position as ruler of your planet. 

You had been raised with the intention to take the seat, it had always been expected of you but you never wanted it. The responsibility alone was too much for you to shoulder, on top of that the sleazy politicians only got sleazier since the war started. You had no interest in stooping to their level, of promising one thing only to stab people in the back to help themselves, you had no interest in turning your back on your people to play the political field. 

The days after your parents’ death were a blur, you barely remembered anything from that time. You’d spent most of it trying to keep yourself composed in public before breaking down in private when the weight of things got too much. 

You don’t think you would have made it through the first day alone without Anakin. 

You and Anakin had been friends for years. Back when the Jedi were only Peacekeepers rather than Generals of the war, Anakin and his Master had been assigned to your planet to aid in discussions between your parents and the Senators of a neighbouring planet. 

You had been excited to see real life Jedi, the stories of them had been told for years all throughout the galaxy and you were always excited to learn what you could about them. 

Anakin and you had only been young back then, both easily bored at the discussion between the two planets. Your mother had noticed quickly and during one of the breaks had dismissed you, suggesting to Obi-Wan that Anakin accompany you. Obi-Wan had smiled warmly at your mother before sending Anakin and you off. 

You had been slightly nervous to be around the boy alone that first time, he was a Jedi and you had about a million questions on the tip of your tongue with no courage to ask any. Anakin could sense your nerves and excitement and grinned over at you. 

That grin seemed to be all it took to break the unease you felt and you found yourself grinning back at him. The two of you went to your chambers and Anakin was more than happy to answer all the questions you could think to ask. 

Negotiations and talks lasted longer than anyone had originally thought but neither you nor Anakin complained, not when it meant you got months to get to know each other. 

The two months passed by faster than either of you would have liked. You had spent that time showing Anakin around your planet, royal guards following the pair of you as you roamed around despite the fact Anakin was a Jedi. More often than not the two of you escaped the guards, laughing whilst you did, before taking each other’s hand to explore some more. 

It was the freest Anakin had felt in his life. He had thought leaving Tatooine would allow him more freedom but he quickly realised the Jedi had their own sets of rules and restrictions. Being here with you, away from his duties, was amazing, he hated that they had to leave your home world. 

It wasn’t too long before you were seeing each other again though. Two years passed, years in which you thought about Anakin more than you’d admit to anybody. This time the Jedi Padawan and Master had been sent to your planet after the second assassination attempt on your family, the first being on your mother and the second being on you. 

It was wonderful to see Anakin again and Anakin clearly felt the same way as he rushed over to you, a bright smile on his face as he greeted you. The smile dimmed slightly as he asked you if you were okay, his hand coming up to rest on your arm. Your smile widened at the touch though, only yesterday you had been terrified after barely escaping the assassins but now you weren’t scared at all. 

How could you be when Anakin was here?

It was easy to forget about the attempt on your life with Anakin back with you, instead of spending your time worrying over it you focused on the Padawan, catching up with each other and everything you had missed in those two years apart. 

This visit was much longer. Four months later and the people responsible for the attempts on the lives of you and your mother hadn’t been caught and the Jedi hadn’t stopped them from trying again. First it was your father on his way back from a meeting, then your mother again when she visited the hospital and its sick patients and then you.

Anakin had been furious when you stumbled back to the palace, gown ripped and covered in mud. It was rare for the two of you not to be at each other’s side but that morning Anakin and Obi-Wan had been called to meet with the Jedi Council via holocomm and you had only ventured into the palace gardens. 

Anakin didn’t ever leave your side after that and you never complained. You were glad to have him back and were more than content to stay by his side. The palace was big enough to pass the time but it got boring quickly, you and Anakin were both used to sneaking out and going to private spots the two of you had found far away from anybody else but Anakin refused to take the risk, refused to bend the rules when it came to your safety.

It was boring, even if you did love the company. Anakin sat on the floor, legs crossed and eyes closed as he completed his morning hour long meditation session that Obi-Wan enforced despite Anakin’s complaining. You, much like Anakin, couldn’t see the appeal of meditation but always joined him, laying back on the floor, your head resting close to his knee as you waited for him to finish.

Halfway through you sat up, noticing the way his eyebrow raised slightly but he kept his eyes shut. You saw his lightsaber laying next to him and couldn’t help but reach out. Over the years, over the months you’d known Anakin and Obi-Wan, you had never become less intrigued with the Jedi, still questioned Anakin daily on things you wondered about and Anakin was always happy to answer you, though on many occasions he seemed to fabricate his own stories but you were never less than happy to listen to them with a smile and laughter.

You held the hilt of the lightsaber in your hand, running your fingers along the length of it and twirling it around in your hands, missing Anakin’s soft smile as he opened his eyes, never having been meditating anyway. 

“Would you like to try it?” Anakin asked, causing you to look up at him with knitted eyebrows.

“What?” You asked back, causing his smile to widen into a grin as he stood up, holding a hand out for you to take. 

You took the hand and let him pull you up, following him with your eyes as he walked around you, his arms wrapping around yours as he took your empty hand and wrapped it around the lightsaber. 

“Here, hold it like this.” He told you and you followed the instruction, desperately trying to ignore the way his hands felt over yours. “Good, now you want to move it like this.” He said, voice quiet against your ear and you forced yourself not to shiver.

Anakin guided your hands, weaving patterns through the air before he stepped back and beamed over at you, watching as you returned the gesture even as you looked a little flustered. Anakin didn’t think much of it, not when his own heart was racing so quickly and he drew his mental shields even higher to stop any emotions seeping through his bond with Obi-Wan.

“Now press this button and do it again.” Anakin told you, taking another step back as you ignited the lightsaber, holding it out in front of you like it was going to hurt you. 

Anakin couldn’t help but chuckle and moved around to your side again.

“Relax,” He murmured, the way he spoke caused you to do the complete opposite and you cursed yourself, having no idea why you were suddenly acting like this. You had just about forced your body to relax when Anakin wrapped his hand around you again. “Just like before, it won’t hurt you.”

Despite the mess of emotions inside you that you couldn’t figure out, trying to push them far away until you were in bed and could work through them, you had to admit it was exciting wielding a lightsaber. 

Eventually Anakin pulled away again and watched as you moved as he instructed, a feeling in his chest, soft and light and singing with happiness. He knew he liked you, though the Code forbade it, he knew his heart belonged to you. He was determined to keep you safe, to keep you happy and watching you dance around with his lightsaber, a laugh falling from your lips he knew he was right.

His heart truly belonged to you.

The Jedi stayed two more months, two months filled with Anakin teaching you how to use his lightsaber. Months filled with the two of you alternating between trying to figure out your feelings and pushing them deep down in an attempt to ignore them. Months spent constantly at each other's side and growing closer as the days passed.

Eventually though they were forced to leave after having completed their job and you hadn’t thought you would ever be upset at having the people attempting to kill your family captured but here you were, pouting as Anakin’s ship took him far away from you, not knowing when you’d see him again.

Anakin insisted on being the one to go to your planet, pleaded with Obi-Wan, snapped at Master Windu before arguing to the Council that he and Obi-Wan had been to your planet on two separate occasions, spending months at a time with you, arguing that you had just lost your family and they would be familiar, that you wouldn’t have to be on edge around them.

Obi-Wan watched his former Padawan make solid and convincing arguments and yet he saw through each one of them. He had been there, he had seen the two of you together and he knew Anakin hadn’t managed to push you from his mind since the last time you had met. He saw the worry in Anakin’s eyes, felt the panic and fear for you through their bond though Anakin desperately tried to shield those feelings. 

Eventually the Council agreed and Anakin practically dragged Obi-Wan from the room, only pausing as they saw Ahsoka waiting outside for them. He expected Anakin to fill his Padawan in but instead he carried on down the hallway, gesturing for her to follow them with a nod of his head. Ahsoka shot Obi-Wan a confused, questioning look but he just shook his head and let Anakin lead their way to the hangar bay.

“Is the General alright, Sir?” Rex asked him quietly as the ship was loaded. Anakin had long since grown restless, pacing the length of the room as he waited until they could leave.

Every minute he spent here was a minute you spent alone, alone and unprotected. If anything happened to you Anakin would never forgive himself.

“The Princess is a dear friend of his.” Obi-Wan said softly, his eyes following Anakin, his distress could be felt clearly through the Force. 

His eyes moved around the room until they landed on Ahsoka, the young Padawan clearly feeling her Master’s emotions as she stared at him, wide eyed and concerned, never having seen Anakin in such a state.

Thankfully it wasn’t much longer before they were leaving Coruscant, not that it improved Anakin’s mood much but he had finally stopped pacing and sat heavily across from Obi-Wan. 

“Calm yourself, Anakin,” Obi-Wan murmured softly, not surprised when Anakin’s head shot up to glare at him. “She’ll be fine.”

“You can’t know that Master!” He snapped, fists clenched in his lap, “You don’t know that.”

Over the years Obi-Wan had bore witness to many of Anakin’s emotional outbursts, times when he was too wound up to use the techniques he had taught him and calm himself enough to handle a situation rationally. Yet in all that time he had never seen Anakin quite like this. 

Anakin no longer had a grip on his mental shields and Obi-Wan could feel the worry and fear for you more strongly than he had back in the hangar bay. Every second that passed Anakin’s fear only grew. There were no coherent thoughts, only a mess of what if’s and what could be’s if they didn’t get to you in time.

Obi-Wan had no idea how to handle the situation, he was completely at a loss and cursed himself for not having a conversation with Anakin years ago about you and attachments and his commitment to the Code.

Apparently it was too late for that now. 

Now all he could do was try and make Anakin focus on the mission rather than on his overwhelming worry.

“We need a plan, Anakin.” Obi-Wan said, his tone firm and Anakin only continued to glare at him. “If you want to protect your Princess then you have to focus. So far we know that an attack on Astal hasn’t been ordered but with the death of the King and Queen we don’t know what the Separatist plan is.”

“We have to get her out of there.” Anakin said, the glare finally wiped from his face as he sat straighter in his seat. “They’ll come for her. Her parents swore themselves and their people to the Republic. They’ll try and turn her to their side but she’ll never join so the only option for them is to kill her and take the planet by force. I won’t let that happen, Obi-Wan.” There was so much conviction in Anakin’s tone that Obi-Wan truly believed him, he believed Anakin would take on the entire Separatist army alone should they dare come for you.

“We both know she won’t leave.” Obi-Wan said, he might not have spent as much time with you as Anakin had but he knew you well enough to know your strength and determination, you wouldn’t leave your people. Anakin knew it as well judging by the way he huffed and sank into his seat.

“I wish she would.” Anakin muttered to himself but he knew you’d never do it, if he even dared suggest it to you he knew you’d scoff and brush past him, not even entertaining the idea. “How long until we arrive?” 

“We’re minutes away, General.” Cody told them as he entered the room and everyone got to work so that by the time they landed, weapons were quickly taken from the ship as everyone prepared for what was to come.

Anakin paid no mind to the Clones working around him, instead he practically ran off the ship, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka close behind. You were already waiting for them and Anakin made his way over to you straight away, not hesitating to pull you into his arms. He felt you tense against him before melting into his chest a second later, your whole body shaking as your hands came up to grip his robes.

Anakin held you tightly, one arm wrapped around you, the other tangled in your hair as he held you to his chest, your head tucked under his chin and the two of you stood there, ignoring your surroundings as you cried.

You didn’t know how long passed, it felt like hours when really it was only a few minutes but eventually you pulled away. Not going too far but far enough so you could look up at him, his face soft as he smiled sadly down at you, bringing the hand in your hair to wipe your tears.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered, watching as you took a shaky breath and nodded whilst trying to compose yourself before you forced a smile onto your face.

“Thank you for coming.” You whispered back, voice breaking as you tried to hold back tears, something that was made impossibly harder by Anakin guiding your head to his lips, pressing them gently against your forehead.

“Of course,” He murmured against your head, “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” 

The two of you finally pulled away and you turned to Obi-Wan, smiling shakily over at him.

“It’s nice to see you again, Milady, I only wish it was under better circumstances. I truly am sorry for your loss, your parents were wonderful people.” Obi-Wan told you softly and you had to swallow against the sudden lump in your throat.

“Thank you, Obi-Wan and thank you for coming. There’s nobody I trust more with my people’s safety.” You told him and Obi-Wan smiled sadly at you. “They’re going to attack, aren’t they?”

“So far we haven’t received word from our inside man about their next plans but we can only assume targeting Astal is their next goal.” Anakin told you quietly and you nodded, taking another shaky breath.

“Obi-Wan, you know your way around the palace,” You said and Obi-Wan nodded, “I’ll leave you to prepare with your men. I have to deal with the Senate.” 

You gave them a final forced smile before turning away. You hadn’t gotten far before you heard footsteps behind you and you smiled to yourself as you slowed your steps, allowing Anakin to walk alongside you.

“I wish we would stop meeting because your life is in danger.” Anakin told you and you couldn’t stop the small, watery laugh that escaped you causing Anakin to smile. “Really, if you wanted to see me so badly you could have commed me.”

“I’m glad you’re here, Anakin.” You told him softly and Anakin reached over and entwined his fingers with yours, giving your hand a gentle squeeze.

Despite everything you still couldn’t help but focus on the feeling, glad to know that the feeling of sparks and electricity were still there despite how much time had passed since your last meeting. Anakin truly was what you needed right now, suddenly thrust into power with everybody looking towards you, it was overwhelmingly frightening, you hadn’t had a second to mourn and yet you felt like you could breathe easier since Anakin arrived.

“I’d have come even if the Council forbid it.” He told you honestly and you felt that old familiar rush of warmth run through you, wishing more than ever things were different.

Two days passed, days were Anakin and you fell back into an easy old routine, spending the days at each other's side. Anakin found himself in your chambers at nights, you couldn’t sleep, not with the constant nightmares and Anakin was more than happy to stay awake with you. 

Sometimes you had too much pent up nervous energy and during those time Anakin unholstered his lightsaber and pushed it into your hands, telling you to show him what you remembered. Your form was still pretty good considering how long it had been but Anakin didn’t miss the opportunity to step behind you, his arms wrapping your body against his and you weren’t stopping him. You had missed his touch every day.

Other times the two of you sat on the sofa, Anakin’s arm around you as you cried into his chest, no words were exchanged during those times. There was nothing to be said to make things better, all Anakin could do was hold you close and let you know you weren’t alone.

It was on the third day of Anakin, Obi-Wan and the Clones being there that the Separatist arrived with no warning but thankfully you were prepared. The Clones moved easily into position and Anakin and you walked to meet Obi-Wan and Ahsoka.

“Stay in the palace.” Anakin told you, hands on your shoulders as he looked you in the eyes, seeing that spark of determination in them.

“They killed my parents, I’m ending this.” You told him, stubborn as always.

“I know they did,” He sighed, moving one of his hands to cup your cheek as he rested his forehead against yours. “But I need to be able to concentrate out there and I can’t do that, not knowing you're there and I can’t protect you.”

“Anakin,” You protested but he interrupted you.

“Please baby,” He whispered, the words desperate as he pleaded with you, he knew he had to stop the Separatists before they could get to you, he couldn’t focus if he had to constantly keep one eye on you.

“Ok.” You said softly, heat rising to your cheeks at the name but you didn’t address it, instead you agreed with him and moved to pull back only for Anakin to pull you back to him.

“If anything happens-” He started but you shook your head, covering the hand cupping your cheek with your own.

“Don’t,” You told him, locking eyes with him, “Don’t, you’re going to be fine, I’m going to be fine.”

“Y/N, you have to know, I have to tell you-”

“Tell me later, yeah? Come find me as soon as you’re done, ok? Tell me then.” You said, turning your face so you could press a kiss to his palm and it was then Obi-Wan finally cleared his throat, he had given you as much time as he could but they really needed to go.

You watched from inside the palace walls as droids filled the city as they attempted to make their way up towards the palace. From this high up you could see bodies of people, see the Clones laying motionless. Your heart ached, you wanted it to be over but not at the cost of joining the Separatists, you would never turn your back on what your parents had fought for.

You might not have wanted this job but it was yours and there was nothing you could do to change that and you would not turn your back on them.

As you watched the fight from the safety of the palace you heard a noise from out in the corridor, a loud bang that had you jumping as you whipped around. Even from here the sound of the droid army marching through the halls was loud. 

You took a deep breath and looked around the room, short of one blaster you didn’t have any weapons on you and had no idea where Anakin was. Looking around the room you cursed as the only exit was the one leading out to the army.

“Where are you Anakin?” You muttered to yourself, the sound of the army getting closer and before you knew it the door crashed open and a flood of droids entered the room. 

You took what little cover you could behind a pillar in the room, darting out and blasting as many of the droids as you could but there were too many, they swarmed the room until you were trapped. 

Then you heard the unmistakable sound of a lightsaber and breathed a sigh of relief. You peeked out from behind the pillar and saw Anakin in the doorway, unable to get to you even with the Force.

“Y/N!” He called and you locked eyes with him, watching in confusion as he threw his lightsaber in your direction, using the Force to make sure it got to you. “Remember what I taught you.” He shouted over the noise and even though you were absolutely terrified you didn’t hesitate to ignite the lightsaber and start dealing with the droids as Anakin used the Force.

“Ahsoka!” You heard him yell but you didn’t look over as she threw him one of her lightsabers' and the three of them got to work on the droids.

Eventually Anakin and you managed to make a path and the two of you stood back to back, lightsabers’ crashing into droids as more seemed to replace them.

“Are you regretting not letting me come with you right now?” You asked over your shoulder, a smile spreading across your face at the look he threw you before slicing through a droid.

“You wanna do this now?” He shot back and you laughed, twirling the lightsaber at a droid before it could shoot Anakin.

“I’m just saying-“ you started, laughing as Anakin cut you off. 

“Well can you just say later, I’d like to get out of this alive if that’s alright with you?” 

Even in the midst of the battle Obi-Wan couldn’t help but pause as he saw you wielding a lightsaber with more expertise than somebody who had never used one should have. 

Just what did you and Anakin get up to when you were alone? 

As the battle outside came to an end with the Clones and your army eventually beating the droid army, more of the Clones joined you in the palace and helped defeat the droids there. 

You were left panting for breath, sweat pooling on your forehead as you slumped against Anakin. Anakin didn’t hesitate to wrap you in his arms, his head falling against yours. Off to the side you could see Obi-Wan clap Ahsoka on the shoulder, murmuring something to her and handing her off to one of the clones whose armour was decorated in blue, one of Anakin’s men your mind supplied distantly. 

“You could pass for a real Jedi.” Anakin laughed softly into your hair causing you to chuckle and shift so you could look up at him, his hand coming up to cup your cheek again.

“What can I say, you’re a good teacher.” You whispered to him, a smirk spreading across your face as he flushed red so prettily.

Before Anakin had the chance to respond a Clone came up and apologised for the interruption but told you that the Chancellor and members of the Senate were waiting for you in the comms room whereas the Jedi were expected to contact the Council.

With a sigh you stepped out of Anakin’s hold but he didn’t let you go far as he caught you hand in his as the two of you walked the length of the room to where the two other Jedi waited. Anakin gave your hand a squeeze before letting go.

“Are you alright, Your Highness?” Obi-Wan asked you and you smiled over at him with a nod. 

“Yes, Master Kenobi, I’m alright. Thank you for all you’ve done for me and my people.” You told him and he smiled back at you, bowing his head slightly.

“It has been my honour.” He told you warmly before shooting Anakin a look and Anakin smiled sheepishly. “Now if you’ll excuse us we must talk with the Council, we should be back shortly.”

“Of course, please take your time. It seems I’ve been summoned before the Senate.” You said with a roll of your eyes causing the Jedi to laugh.

“Oh Snips,” Anakin said suddenly, pulling the lightsaber from where he had rested against his hip. “Thanks for that.” He said handing the lightsaber out to her and once she took it off him you held his out to him with a grin, missing the looks from Obi-Wan and Ahsoka. 

The two of you smiled at each other for a moment longer before you were called by one of the palace staff and you bid the Jedi goodbye before heading to the comms room.

“You taught her to use your lightsaber?” Obi-Wan asked once you were out of sight, turning to Anakin with an incredulous look and Anakin winced slightly. 

“She was curious! You know I can’t say no to her Obi-Wan. Besides, it came in handy, did it not?” Anakin grinned, smiling wider as Obi-Wan shot him an unimpressed look and the three Jedi made their way to one of the empty rooms, ready to fill the Council in on the events.

It felt like hours before the Chancellor finally dismissed you, asking far too many questions than what seemed necessary, a look in his eyes that left you feeling uneasy and all you wanted to do was put these last few days behind you. Not that the coming ones would be much easier but one could hope.

You made your way through the palace, thankfully most of it remained untouched as the droids seemed to know where to go to find you. You had no idea where Anakin was or if he had even finished briefing the Council so you let your feet carry you aimlessly through the halls before wandering out into the palace gardens, a smile making its way onto your face as you saw Anakin sat on one of the benches, already turning as he felt you through the Force.

“You did good today.” He told you, a tired smile pulling at his lips and you wrapped your arms around him, head against his chest, his heart beating strong and steady.

Anakin looked down at you in his arms and smiled wider, wrapping you in his arms and pulling you impossibly closer, content to just hold you, glad for the peace and to have a moment alone with you now the battle was won. 

Having you in his arms was everything he had dreamed about for years now, every night you seemed to visit him, soothing the nightmares, bringing joy to plain old dreams. There hadn’t been a day gone by where he hadn't thought of you, hadn’t longed for you. Over time he become familiar with living with such wanting, never quite growing used to it but learning to carry on with it in his head.

Now he held you close and he knew he wouldn’t be able to just up and leave again, going years without seeing you, without hearing from you. It would kill him, this he was sure about. 

Even after all this time his heart truly still belonged to you.

“Can I tell you now?” He whispered into your hair, feeling you smile into his chest before you pulled back far enough to look at him and nodded, Anakin’s hand coming up to cup your cheek. “I know the Jedi should not fall in love, I know that we should not form attachments but that first day I met you, you started carving out a place for yourself in my heart. We spent months together and then suddenly I had to leave and I was a mess for so long, I missed being by your side. Of course we were only young then so I didn’t realise just what you meant to me but then we came back and you still had this power over me and I realised what it was, I realised you owned my heart, I realised that I loved you, Y/N, I love you so much.”

It had been a long few days, you were running on little to no sleep, the adrenaline had given out at some point during your meeting with the Senate, they were all the excuses you came up with for the sudden stinging in your eyes but truthfully they were tears of relief. 

After everything that had happened it felt like the galaxy was offering you something good, extending the olive branch to get you to trust in it again. Your smile was confirmation enough that you were grabbing onto that branch and never letting go.

“I love you too, Anakin. I longed for the day you would return, though I wish the circumstances were better. I'm just glad you were here to help me carry the burden of these few days. For years I’ve missed you, wondered about you, dreamed of you. I hate that I realised I loved you too late, by the time I had sorted through my feelings you were already long gone back to Coruscant.” Anakin's thumb ran along your cheekbone before he moved it further down your face so he was cupping your jaw and slowly guided your lips close together, giving you a chance to pull away if you wanted to.

Like you could ever do such a thing. 

Instead of waiting for him to close the distance you did it yourself, leaning forward to meet his lips halfway and practically melting into it as he moved his lips against yours. It seemed like every cliché you’d ever read about was occurring, the world around you fading out into nothing, the sparks and fireworks, the butterflies in your stomach, all of it was real as Anakin held you gently in his hands and kissed you.

It was a soft kiss but it still conveyed so much, so much love, so much longing, so much joy and happiness and relief that this was finally happening. 

The two of you only pulled away from each other when the need for air became too much, Anakin resting his forehead against yours, his eyes were brighter than you had ever seen them, a beaming smile spreading across his face as he looked at you with so much love reflecting in your eyes.

Anakin was taken aback by how beautiful you looked, lips slightly swollen and curved into a smile, the love you felt reflected in your own eyes and he knew he could never leave you now. If he thought he was weak before he had been wrong, now that he had had one taste of you there was no way he could live without you.

It would be hard, neither of you were under any illusions that it wouldn’t be. There was still a war going on, one that would no doubt get worse as time passed, there was the matter of the Jedi Code forbidding Anakin from being involved with you at all, there was the matter of your new position as ruler of Astal. 

It would be hard work but both of you were prepared to go through the hard days so long as it meant you had each other. It didn’t matter that it would have to be a secret, it didn't matter that people would disapprove, the two of you were happy, the two of you were practically drowning in love and neither of you was prepared to give that up. 

____

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Ready to Run

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Angstember Prompt -  "I need you to run. Run away and never come back."

Notes - so ooc but I love vaderkin

There were plenty of moments over the last few years where you had figured you should stop searching, that whatever you thought you knew was wrong. You’d hit more dead ends than you could count, every time you came close to something it seemed to be snatched from you. It was always one disappointment after the other but despite everything you carried on.

Obi-Wan had told you what had happened on Mustafar all those years ago. He had told you that Anakin had died, that he had left him there to die but you didn’t believe it. You couldn’t believe it. Not when you still felt something through the Force, something dark and twisted and barely recognisable but no matter how far it strayed from the Light you would always recognise it.

Anakin wasn’t dead.

He couldn’t be.

You refused to believe he could be. For the first year, after Padmé’s funeral, after Obi-Wan had left with the child and the other had been given to Senator Organa, you did nothing. You sat and you mourned for your Master, for the man who had taken you on when you were only a child, barely coming up to his thigh as you accosted him in the training room and forced him to spar with you.

You still remembered those times, you had known Anakin before he was Knighted and yet you knew he was yours. You had never particularly gotten along with your crèche mates and always felt so left out, especially as more and more of them got picked by the older Jedi. You had all been left in the training room, plenty of other Jedi working on the forms but you were only focused on Anakin. 

Your eyes had found him easily in the room and you watched him in wonder as he trained with his Master, moving like he was completely at one with the Force. Of course you were distracted enough that your crèche mates noticed and laughed at you, even back then Anakin was well known throughout the Temple and one of the boys in your group had called you stupid and foolish for even daring to look at Anakin, laughing as he declared you unworthy of any Jedi’s time yet alone Anakin Skywalkers.

You weren’t one to back down though, to let the boy think he had won with his harsh words. Instead you squared your shoulders back and jutted your chin out before turning away from them and walking the length of the room, avoiding the other Jedi as you went, before you stopped in front of Anakin and Master Kenobi.

“Is everything alright, young one?” Master Kenobi asked softly, pausing as he spotted you first and Anakin turned around to face you a second later, raising an eyebrow down at you.

Now that you had actually made your way over here you felt a little nauseous and it felt like the air had been sucked from the room but when you glanced over your shoulder you saw your crèche mates staring at you wide eyed and the boys mouth hung open so you nodded to yourself before turning back to Anakin and Master Kenobi.

“I was wondering, if it’s not a bother,” You started, voice slightly shaky but you forced yourself to continue. “Might I spar with Padawan Skywalker please?” 

Anakin’s eyebrow seemed to raise even higher, surprised at your request as he turned to Obi-Wan who was doing a better job at hiding his own surprise but he could feel his curiosity through their bond. 

‘Well?’ Obi-Wan seemed to ask him wordlessly, cocking his head to the side and Anakin shrugged, sure it wouldn’t be a challenge but their time in the training room wasn’t meant to be, not today, they were only in here to burn off Anakin's excess energy. 

“Of course, young one, my old bones could use a rest anyway.” Master Kenobi told you, his tone light and joking and he smiled at the small giggle you let out.

“What’s your name?” Anakin asked you as he gestured for you to come closer, easily looking over you and seeing a group your age staring over in shocked amazement. 

“Y/N.” You told him softly and Anakin smiled as he crouched down to be at eye level with you, holding a hand out for you to shake, both Obi-Wan and Anakin noticing how you shook slightly as you took his hand.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Anakin.” He told you, still smiling as you, his smile widening as you finally returned the gesture. “Let’s see just what you’ve learnt then.”

From that day on you seemed to attach yourself to Anakin and at first he may have grumbled about it, rolling his eyes at Obi-Wan amused looks, but he had to admit it was nice. He knew the stories that went around about him, most of them were grossly over exaggerated but people believed what they wanted and it had left him isolated from many of his peers, though the fact he hadn’t grown up surrounded by the Jedi didn’t help.

It was nice having you around.

He already knew he was taking you as his Padawan, even when he was Obi-Wan’s Padawan, he trained you. The two of you met two or three nights a week in the training room and you showed Anakin what you had learnt that week and what you struggled with and Anakin was always quick to help and it wasn’t long before your instructors took note of your improvements.

When you weren’t in the training rooms you could be found in Anakin and Obi-Wan quarters, sitting at the table with Anakin by your side as he helped you through homework questions you struggled with. Some areas of learning were so dreadfully dull but Anakin was always able to brighten them up and you found yourself actually remembering his teachings. 

Once Anakin was Knighted he was surprised that it was Master Yoda of all people to be the one to suggest you as his new Padawan, not that Anakin was complaining of course. He immediately jumped at the chance, perhaps a bit too eagerly if the amusement coming from Obi-Wan told him anything.

Not much changed after that though. Anakin had already been planning on meeting you in the training rooms that evening but he cut your training short to lead you back to his chambers where the two of you celebrated and Anakin sat you down close to him as he went about braiding your Padawan braid. 

It wasn’t all that long into being his Padawan that the Clone Wars started and you, as Anakin’s Padawan, seemed to be thrust into the midst of it. Anakin always kept you close to him, warning you not to stray from his side unless it was life or death, always hating the war much more when you were in the danger zone. Sometimes you couldn’t be with him constantly on the battlefield and those times you were instructed to stay close to Rex or Obi-Wan, both of whom protected you as fiercely as Anakin did.

Your training grew every day, of course it had no choice but to when you were up against the droid army or, on several terrifying occasions, General Grievous himself. Some days when the war became too overwhelming your thoughts wandered back to when you had first met Anakin, when you had inserted yourself into his life. Even now as the war went on and Anakin became the poster boy, getting sent out on the most dangerous missions and bringing you along, you didn’t regret it, if you could do it all over again you would always choose Anakin. 

But times like this, times when you reached out into the Force, times when you woke up in pain, feeling too much anger and too much hatred flowing through your veins you couldn’t help but doubt that decision.

You shook your head, panting into wakefulness and began breathing through the anger you knew wasn’t yours. Somehow, even after whatever had happened to Anakin, the bond between you was still very much alive. In the first year it was quiet, leaving you alone in your head for the first time since Anakin had braided your hair gently but then whatever wall that had been built up seemed to fall down and you were overwhelmed with so many Dark feelings.

It took longer than it should to realise they weren’t yours, to realise that you hadn’t survived everything just to turn to the Dark Side now. 

Once you realised it was Anakin you had to brace yourself against the wall to keep yourself upright because Obi-Wan had told you Anakin was gone. Had he lied? Did he not know? You debated telling Obi-Wan, you were sure you could find a way to comm him or just go to Tatooine yourself but you decided against it.

Obi-Wan had been devastated by the loss of Anakin. It had truly taken a toll on him, a toll you hadn’t even seen during the war. You weren’t sure you wanted to tell Obi-Wan that you could still feel Anakin, not when it was so dark and twisted.

No, you had thought to yourself, better to wait until I find Anakin.

But you had been looking for years, years spent hiding your true nature, years spent desperately trying to follow the pull of the Force, begging it to lead you to Anakin and though it never had you didn’t give up hope even though some days you came close to it.

You would find Anakin Skywalker.

And then one day, completely by chance, you stumbled across a ship. It didn’t feel like Anakin but it did feel like the anger you felt deep in your veins, it felt like the bone deep pain that had tears filling your eyes and you wondering just how Anakin dealt with it. 

The door was closing and you had a split second to make a decision. With a little help from the Force you easily slipped in before the door slammed shut, trapping you on the ship. 

It wasn’t until you glanced around for a hiding spot that you paused.

Stormtroopers. This was the Empire.

Oh Anakin, you thought to yourself, feeling a wave of sadness run through you but it didn’t last long before it was replaced with…was that annoyance? Seconds later the bond seemed to fill with confusion and you struggled to figure out if it was yours or Anakin’s.

In the entire time you had felt Anakin you had never felt anything but anger, frustration, pain, loneliness...never anything else. Maybe he was on this ship, maybe they were keeping him prisoner and that’s why he was in so much pain all the time. The closeness had always allowed Anakin and you to share feelings through your bond much easier than when you were at a distance, it made sense that the bond still followed that rule no matter how corrupt one side of it was.

There was another part of your mind, one that you tried to cut off before it could whisper its thoughts into your head that told you another reason as to what Anakin could be doing on an Imperial ship. You couldn’t- you refused to believe it. Anakin wouldn’t do that, at least not the Anakin you had known but that was before he fell. 

Shut up, you whispered to yourself as you made your way further into the ship. Anakin’s confusion was growing stronger, as was his annoyance and you couldn’t help but grin. It was nice to feel something else through the bond, it made Anakin feel like Anakin again. You resisted the urge to send your own feelings flowing through the bond, not yet sure if he knew it was you he was feeling.

You were so focused on the bond that you only realised a second too late that a stormtrooper was rounding a corner, slamming straight into you and sending you falling to the floor. The trooper immediately raised his gun and called for backup and you were surrounded before your hand could touch your lightsaber.

Two of the stormtroopers forced you onto your feet and you struggled against them to no avail. 

“Take her to the cells, I’ll alert Lord Vader to the intruder.” One of the troopers said and the two holding you nodded and began to drag you along as fear filled you. 

You’d heard the stories and seen the aftermath of Vader’s work. It was terrible and cruel and always left you feeling cold whenever you ended up on a planet Vader had left in ruins. 

You had also heard of what he did to prisoners and desperately tried to break the troopers hold of you long enough for you to grab your lightsaber. There wouldn’t be much you could do if you did get free, by now the ship was already moving through hyperspace, but you could hide and take down as many stormtroopers as possible until the ship landed.

Unfortunately that plan would have to be scrapped as you were thrown into the small holding cell, the door slamming shut behind you and you cursed silently at your poor decision making. Now you were at Vader’s mercy and you weren’t holding out much hope of Vader coming to your aid.

You don’t know how long you sat there, crossed legged on the floor with your eyes closed as you focused on your bond with Anakin. From his side you could feel anger again but the annoyance was still there as was a small bit of curiosity that you really had to focus on to feel. 

You let the feel of Anakin wash over you even if he was darker than you remembered him being. Beneath the corruption and the tar like darkness that seemed to cling to him was Anakin Skywalker. It was faint but he was there and you knew you could help him, help him as he had helped you thousands of times over. You just had to get out of this kriffing cell to find him.

For the second time in as many minutes you were so focused on your bond with Anakin that you missed the movement in front of you. This time instead of a stormtrooper it was the door of your cell opening. It only took you a second longer to open your eyes, your mouth going dry as there before you stood Darth Vader.

He towered over you, even more so since you were sitting on the floor. The black cape hung around him and made him look more intimidating. Then there was the breathing filling the silence, the mechanical, steady breathing that sent a shiver down your spine.

He didn’t speak, not even when the door shut behind him. You wished you could see his expression, wished the helmet was gone so you had half a clue as to what to expect but instead you were left staring at the expressionless helmet, giving nothing away.

Even with your fear and anxiety you still felt Anakin through the bond, perhaps more strongly than you had ever before. There were a wide range of emotions running wild within him, all pushing their way through the bond and making you feel them. He was confused, he was hurting, he was worried, he was angry, he was sad, he was terrified.

You hadn’t felt Anakin be fearful since the bond opened itself up again and now that you had it sent a cold feeling to your stomach, gone was any concern for your current situation and in its place was worry for Anakin.

So much worry in fact that you had momentarily forgotten about Vader until he spoke, the single word causing you to jump.

“Y/N?” He asked, his voice completely devoid of emotion thanks to the modulator.

How in Sith’s hell did Vader know your name?

Then suddenly the wave of fear and terror rolling from Anakin’s side of the bond seemed to grow and you couldn’t decide what to focus on. Probably best to focus on Vader first, Anakin could wait a while longer.

“What are you doing here?” Vader hissed at you, or it was as well as somebody with a robotic modulator could hiss. His words had you staring up at him, fear slowly slipping away and replaced by confusion. “Answer me!”

Suddenly, almost as if somebody had flipped a switch, you put the pieces together. You almost slapped yourself for not figuring it out sooner but then again you didn’t want it to be true, you couldn’t believe it but the proof was here.

Anakin was here.

“Anakin?” You asked, voice barely a whisper, the sound seemingly pulled from your throat as your voice broke on the word.

“Do not call me that.” He said and a choked sob slipped out of you, tears filled your eyes as you pushed yourself onto your feet, all fear gone now as you took a step closer to him.

“Tell me it’s not true.” You whispered, hoping you’d open your eyes and it would just be another nightmare that plagued you. From Anakin’s side of the bond you felt sadness and let out another sob. “Kriff Anakin, I’ve been searching for you for years and all along you were…”

“You shouldn’t be here.” His voice seemed quieter, like behind the helmet he was talking softly and you wished more than anything that the helmet would go, you wanted to see him.

“I was looking for you.” You told him again, swallowing around the lump in your throat and Anakin lifted his hand. You should have been scared, how many times had he raised his hand to Force choke innocents? But you weren’t scared and you had no reason to be, not when he brought his hand to your cheek and brushed away a tear that fell from your eye.

“You shouldn’t have come.” He told you and you hated the robotic, emotionless tone of his voice, you wanted to hear Anakin, your Anakin. “I can’t risk him knowing you’re here, Y/N. What he does to Jedi- I won’t let that happen to you.”

“Anakin-” You began but he cut you off.

“I’m not Anakin, not anymore.” He said and you shook your head, lips twitching as Anakin’s thumb brushed your cheekbone. “The ship is ready to land, when I say run I need you to run. Run away and never come back, Y/N.”

“Anakin, I can’t leave you here.” You cried, bringing your hand to wrap around his gloved one but he shushed you before you could protest more.

“This is who I am now. You can’t save me this time, Y/N/N, but you can let me save you. Let me do one thing right.” He begged and you could feel his pain as strongly as your own.

“Anakin, please.” You whispered and Anakin brought his head down, the helmet gently knocking against your forehead and you let out another sob.

“I’ll always be with you, our connection is strong.” Anakin told you, his voice as soft as it could be through the modulator and you let out another sob before you forced yourself to take a deep breath and nodded against him.

Anakin held you against him for a few seconds longer before he pulled away and you felt the ship land. You had no idea where you were but you would do as Anakin instructed, one last moment with your Master, one last chance to follow his instructions before he disappeared from your life again.

“Ready to run?” He asked quietly, the door to your cell opened and he led you out, watching as you took another breath and nodded. “Good, don’t stop running. We're on Irilla, you shouldn’t have any trouble hiding.”  

“Thank you Anakin.” You whispered after you passed a group of stormtroopers.

Anakin didn’t say anything else, he couldn’t risk being overheard, not when any of his small indiscretions always seem to make their way up to Sidious. If Sidious knew about you, knew that you had the ability to bring the small bit of Light inside him forward, he knew Sidious would see to it that you were killed and that was the best outcome, Sidious wouldn’t be so quick about it.

Anakin knew he had no choice, he would gladly take on whatever punishment Sidious chose to inflict upon him for letting a Jedi go. Thankfully the stormtroopers didn’t know you to recognise just who you were to Anakin so Sidious would only believe it had been a random Jedi. 

He could work with that.

The ship doors opened and he led you off it, the planet was cold and dark but it was filled with seedy characters conducting even seedier business and Anakin knew you’d be able to hide amongst them for a few days before finding yourself a way off this planet. 

He ordered the troopers to start unloading the ship and discreetly gestured for you to follow him, dismissing the two troopers who tried to follow him. He led you into the forest, knowing there was a city not too far away, you would be safe there.

“You have to go now.” Anakin told you, knowing you could feel his pain through the bond as he watched your nose crinkle as you tried to push away tears.

“Come with me.” You pleaded and he smiled behind the helmet, wishing he could but he had made his decision. One day, maybe, he would come and find you if you kept the bond open. One day he would make his move against Sidious and be free of the man but for now he had a role to play and you couldn’t be anywhere near as he played it.

“We’ll see each other again, my dear Padawan.” He told you, bringing his hand to your cheek and resting his helmet against your forehead again. “One day this will all be over and we will find each other but you have to stay away for now, stay far away and stay safe.”

“I promise.” You whispered, forcing down a sob. “Stay safe, Anakin, may the Force be with you.” 

Anakin held you against him for a moment longer and you nodded at him before turning to run towards the city. Anakin felt cold but he also felt something he hadn’t felt in a very long time.

He felt hope.

“May the Force be with you, my Padawan.” He murmured to himself, knowing that he would see his plan to the end if only so he could find you again.

______

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Forget Me

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Prompt -  “'Cause I'm not ready to find out you know how to forget me, I'd rather hear how much you regret me and pray to the stars that you never met me than forget me.”

Han Solo knew he had messed up when he watched your face shift, gone was the hurt and anger, your tears seeming to vanish between one blink and the next and he just knew that this was it. He knew he had pushed you too far this time and he wondered if the two of you would come back from this one.

Throughout the years people had struggled to understand your relationship with Han, it always seemed the two of you were arguing, finding something to fight about and hardly even seemed at peace with one another. Of course you had been happy, you had moments of genuine joy around him, moments when you were bursting with so much love for each other. Then there were times when you rubbed each other the wrong way, you refused to budge and see things from his point of view, he’d completely disregarded something you’d said and cause a world of avoidable trouble.

When you fought it was usually done exactly how you loved each other, wild and passionate and hard to control. There was shouting and crying and one of you was always glaring or scowling, it was how Han knew things were ok between you. It sounded odd to outsiders but when Han saw you glaring over at him as he ranted he knew you’d be ok afterwards.

Never in all your fights had he watched you turn stony faced, seemingly shoving your emotions deep down and bricking them up. It set him on edge, he knew something about this fight was different even if it wasn’t as bad as some of your more explosive ones had been but for some reason this seemed to be the one that tipped you over the edge.

“I can’t do this anymore.” You told him quietly, the silence having passed for long enough to set Han even further on edge and your words had his blood running cold.

The two of you had been through so much together, fought side by side, risked your lives for each other, held each other when things got rough and loved each other more passionately than Han had ever thought possible. You couldn’t leave, not after everything. Part of him hoped you weren’t serious, hoped that this was just a cold move on your part to win the argument but he knew you weren’t like that, no matter how nasty some of your fights got.

“Come on, Y/N,” He said anyway, hoping that he was wrong and you were just playing games. He kept his voice lighter that he felt, a joking edge to it that had you swallowing hard and desperately trying to push down every emotion you felt. 

“I’m serious, Han. This is exhausting, it’s the same damn argument over and over. I tell you it’s stupid and reckless and you jump head first into anyway and it usually ends up coming back to me. I mean how many times has somebody sent bounties after me because of something stupid you did. We go back and forth and it’s going to end with one of us dead these days.” You told him, trying your hardest to keep your voice from shaking and the tears from filling your eyes.

“Baby don’t do this. You want me to stop, I’ll stop right here and now.” Han said, knowing you were deadly serious and hating it. He hated how you were right, hated that you pointed out how much danger he put you in when all he wanted was to protect you. 

“How many times have you promised me that?” You whispered and he felt his heart drop because, again, you always had to be right.

“You can’t just walk away from us, Y/N/N, not after everything.” He pleaded with you taking a step closer only to feel his heart ache as you took a step back.

“I’m tired, Han. We’re fighting a war and we’re fighting each other, I can’t do both, I’m exhausted.” You felt like the entire galaxy was weighing you down most days. Days like today where you had stood beside Leia and watched so many from your army, so many friends, die and all you wanted was to come back to your rooms and take comfort from Han.

Instead you had ended up in a screaming match with him, feeling completely and utterly drained to your bones. You had nothing left to give this relationship, you barely had anything left to give to the fight with the Empire. 

Some days you dreamed of taking Han up on his offer of just flying away in the Falcon, the two of you getting far away from everything. You daydreamed often about how different things would be for both of you if you did just run away but you couldn’t, Leia was your friend and you couldn’t leave her.

Still, it was nice to dream.

“Come on baby, please don’t do this, give us one last chance.” You wanted to cave, wanted desperately to give into his pleading wide eyes and collapse into his arms but you knew you couldn’t, no matter how much you wanted it to you knew things wouldn’t change.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered and your voice caught on the words, breaking softly as you fought down a wave of tears that threatened to fill your eyes. 

Han took another step forward and this time you didn’t move away from him, letting him bring his hand up to your cheek before he pressed your foreheads together, looking into your eyes before his fell closed and he brought your lips together.

The kiss was soft and slow, so different from how they usually were. A few tears made their way down your cheeks as you closed your eyes and kissed Han back, savouring the feeling of him against you, letting yourself sink into the kiss but not drown in it, knowing that if you did that you wouldn’t be able to leave.

You were the first pull away, hands coming to rest on Han’s chest as he tried to chase your lips. You knew you had to leave, heart heavy and broken as you pushed away from him and took the few steps needed to reach the door. Han didn’t try to stop you this time as you left, hoping this decision wasn’t permanent.

Months passed without a word from you though. He tried to avoid spending much time on the base but when he was there, well, people liked to talk and were always keen to fill him in on what he had missed. In the few times he had been back he had been informed of your angry words against him, private conversations between you and Leia overheard by the crew. He was told that you had been seen crying most days, sometimes you had to excuse yourself from a planning meeting and somebody would find you alone with tears flowing down your cheeks. Han hated knowing he was the reason for your tears, he never wanted to be the reason you cried and yet a part of him was glad for it because it meant you were thinking about him, you hadn’t just erased him from your thoughts.

Though his heart ached at some of the things he had been told, choice words he hoped had been grossly exaggerated through the rumour mill, it didn’t hurt him as much as he expected it to. If you were dragging his name through the dirt it meant he was still on your mind, it meant you were still holding onto a part of him and that gave him hope. 

Han would gladly take all the criticism you gave him, gladly let you curse him out to anybody who would listen, just to know you still thought about him.

After that night you were heartbroken, through Han’s own wrongdoings, through your constant arguments and your stubborn unwillingness to budge on what you believed in you were left alone. For once you found yourself grateful for the war, you hardly had a moment to sit a stew in your hurt and your pain, though some nights when things were quiet and you’d had too much to drink you tended to drunkenly berate the Captain.

Months went by and you managed to live with the hurt, managed to deal with it and go about your day, thoughts somehow always managing to find their way back to Han Solo. It was strange thinking of him, sometimes you felt so much hate, wanting so badly to get it right with him only to fail each time made you hurt, made you angry at him for not trying harder, angry at yourself for not giving it the final chance he pleaded for. Other times you just felt sad, you missed him dearly. There had been good moments, beautiful moments. You had been at each other's side for so long that to suddenly be without him was lonely.

More months passed and eventually a year had gone by, a long year of days spent aching and longing for you. No matter how far Han went from the base where you were he couldn’t seem to outrun you in his mind, you were always there no matter what he was doing. If he was in the midst of a battle he would think about how wrong it felt not to have your back pressed against his, if he was piloting the Falcon he couldn’t help but miss the way you tried to take over, annoying him by pressing random buttons and instead of your laugh filling the air there was only silence. The nights dragged by painfully slow, he missed you deeply, missed the feeling of you curled into his chest, missed wrapping his body around yours as he held you close, missed waking up and knowing his day would be good just because you were the first thing he saw.

It had been a year and he still missed you so much, he was still holding on hope that you’d take him back, that you still missed him as much as he did you.

It had been a year and you were finally moving on, finally living without the hurt and the pain rather than living with having grown used to it. It may have been a gradual process but you didn’t notice it, not until one day where you were sitting in the cantina and laughing, really laughing, with one of the men from the crew. It hit you like a tonne of bricks that your mind wasn’t on Han and it hadn’t been for a while now.

It was…refreshing. It was nice, even nicer now that you’d actually noticed you were able to get through a day without wanting to cry or rage. You hadn’t realised just how much of your energy it was taking to miss Han. 

Han hadn’t been back to the base in a while now, he knew you hated when he was there, people told him how you locked yourself in your rooms or had Leia send you on a mission whenever he was around. Today he had no choice but to come back and even though he longed to see you, another part of him hoped you still didn’t want to see him just because it would mean you still felt something for him.

He landed on the base, ignoring Chewie’s grumblings about how he wished you were there. He found Leia in the main planning room, the room was filled and yet as he stood in the doorway and saw you he felt everything around him stop. You had to know he was coming, he’d warned Leia two days in advance knowing she would give you a heads up. He could only stare at you, watching as you smiled over at one of the crew a little too friendly for his liking before Leia called out his name. 

His head snapped over to her but from the corner of his eyes he saw you look over at him. If it could be called that, really it was only a half glance, more so at the sudden call from Leia than to look at him before you turned your attention back to the crew member showing you something on the screens.

His heart dropped. There was no pain or longing, your eyes didn’t light up or glare over at him. It was like he was just another member of the crew, a stranger you didn’t know and had no desire to introduce yourself to. It sent a pain right to his heart, his heart was still yours even after a year apart and it seemed you had done the one thing he couldn’t bear to happen, you had forgotten him.

Han nearly lost it then and there, right in front of everybody. He would much rather the crew crowd him and tell him all the nasty things you said about him, hear about how you had cursed and berated him, hear that you wished him dead, hear about you cursing the stars for ever having met him. He would much rather all that than knowing that you knew how to forget him.

It wrecked him, it wrecked him right to the core seeing you dismiss him easily and he knew it wasn’t an act, an attempt to put on a brave face and show him that your separation, your time apart wasn’t affecting you. No, he could tell it was real and he hated knowing you had forgotten him.

Han wasn’t ready to let you go, not even after all the time that had passed. He wasn’t ready to let you forget him but what could he do? Every part of him ached, he was filled with anger and sadness and regret. He should have done something long ago, he shouldn’t have let so much time pass, he should have listened to you and just gave you what you wanted.

He took a step over in your direction, managed two steps before a hand wrapped around his biceps and fingernails dug into his skin. He looked away from you and back to Leia who was glaring at him and shaking her head.

“Leave her alone, Han. You messed up and you missed your chance.” Leia told him, the words weren’t kind but her tone was soft. It was a truth he needed to hear.

Leia had been the one there for you after you walked away from Han. She had been the one who held you as you wept, who watched you scream and pace and drink yourself into a state. She had been the one to stack your workload so high that you were drowning but didn’t have time to think about the man. She had been the one to slowly watch you get better, to go through days where Han didn’t cross your mind.

She liked Han, really she did, but you were her best friend and she hated watching you suffer like you had. You had finally dragged yourself out of that dark pit where Han surrounded your every waking thought and sleeping dream. There was no way she was going to let Han ruin that, she couldn’t bear to watch you go through it again.

“Leia please, that’s my girl, I gotta get her back.” Han pleaded with her, knowing his heart was yours. 

“No Han, she’s not your girl.” Leia told him and pulled him further away from you, watching as he drank you in before she pulled him out of the room. “You lost her, Han and she is finally in a good place. If you care about her you’ll leave her alone.”

Some part of Han knew she was right. Too much time had seemingly passed and it hurt him, it cut him to the core to know that Leia was right, he had lost you. It hurt him, loathe as he was to admit it knowing how selfish it was, but it hurt him to know that you were in a good place because he was supposed to be that good place for you. Now you were living your life and Han wasn’t a part of that, you were happy but it wasn’t Han who was making you happy, though in a way he supposed he was but he was making you happy by staying out of your life.

Even after all this time he wasn’t ready to accept that you could forget him, forget all the good things between you, forget about the love you had felt for each other. He knew he loved you, he knew his heart would always be yours. 

He loved you and he knew Leia was right, if he cared for you he had to leave you alone.

He just hoped that one day you’d remember him again, remember him and take him back. He knew he’d always be waiting for you, he’d still be holding onto the hope he desperately clung too.

_____

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