Ambrr Posts - Tumblr Posts
When you get to know me, my personality is very weird but my vibe is TOP TIER š¤š¾
The existential dread and flip flopping Christians deal with on a daily basis is not discussed NEARLY enough, and one day Iāll write an essay about it.
Wanting to be and accomplish human and carnal goals and in this life versus wanting to just give up on the human experience, throw your hands up and ONLY focus on the life after this is actually tormenting sometimes.
I remember when I was in high school crushing on my [now] husband. Life is really crazy because WHO LITERALLY WOULDāVE THOUGHT??
I legit had to tell myself to stop liking him because there was just NO chance on earth he would ever like me back and I really took that Lā¦
Now fast forward, Iām his everything and he really canāt see life without me. THATāS WILD and people really donāt understand Lol
He loves me like Iāve begged other people to love me. He loves me without me asking. He loves me with initiative. He steps first and leads me, and I love that so bad. THIS MAN GOT BAPTIZED AT MY CHURCH on his own accord. He told my homegirl he knew he wanted to marry me because he couldnāt fathom a world where another man could be able to provide for me instead of him.
Unsure if Iām missing out on something or just missing something
Pretty sure Iām splitting on a friend. But if itās for my own good is it technically splitting??
My manic, right now, feelsā¦ very normal. And now I am second-guessing if I am actually bipolar or if self diagnosed to BPD is in my head. Like maybe I'm just a normal person that sometimes gets very depressed and doesn't know how to handle it.
I recently heard a story about a diagnosed BPD patient and it seems so far off from me but not really. Like the more extreme version of what I go through every day. Granted they were on drugs very heavily but stillā¦
Like I have a more tame version of BPDā¦ BPD Liteā¢ļø if you will lol.
Or maybe I just want it to be BPD because it's "cool" and not just Bipolar II. Obviously I know there's nothing cool about being borderline. And obviously I'm a phony.
I don't know I just feel like a different person every day and I feel like I've been a fake version of normal for a couple of months. But it feels great to be ānormalā.
Maybe it's the lack of drugs. I'm almost certain the lack of drugs is what makes my mental health a little bit more stable.
Maybe my mental health really just depends on what is going on with my life. What mental illness is that?? Or is that even mental illness?
I wonder if narcissism affects how BPD presents itself in a person. I feel like that's the case for me. Like I have a little bit more control over it or like it's a lot easier to mask to other people.
Boy oh boy am I spilling my guts lol. I may delete this eventually maybe I will regret this when I'm famous. Or maybe this will be relatable to someone. I'm 30 so who really cares at this point lol. But I do very much care about what people think of me so maybe I will delete this tomorrow. For now I'll keep this upā¦ This is just a very odd stream of thoughts I guess.
Enjoy my tumblr post I guess
I donāt want you back; it just makes me mad to think about how you broke us
I already told my husband to be prepared to re-create this photo with mešš
Back when I was amberkrystina and now Iām ambersether š