Alphinaud - Tumblr Posts
Alphy has had Mono's blood on his hands on multiple occasions, but it's a different feeling altogether when he was the one who hurt nem.
He'd do literally anything for nem, so when he hurts nem, he does a damn good job of it.
Mono: Hey, I know this is usually something that you don't want to have happen, but it is a thing where you revive dead party members via resurrection magicks. Do you think it'd be hot to, like, stab me in the throat and then pump me full of Egeiro and then Taurochole or whatever?
Alphy, trying to hide his erection: Absolutely not. I'm not doing that. You cannot get me to do that. *Is going to be thinking about that forever now*
You know, I've been writing a lot of fics where Alphy absolutely rails Mono, but I have a little fic idea tumbling around in my head where it's just him and Saie hanging out in the new manor after Mono finished building it, and being too scared to go into the basement because of an ominous red glow and a horrific noise neither one of them can describe.
"You know, there isn't a zero per cent chance that Mono has a voidsent in there."
It's literally just the boiler.
And later Mono's like, "I'm so glad you two are getting along, but you're both the dumbest people I've ever met. Also, luv, your immigration papers are down there, and I'm not getting them out for you. Good luck, ya baby."
Mono: *Decks the house out with magitek*
Alphy and/or Saie: "WHAT IS THIS?"
There literally isn't anything funnier than them losing their minds over a toaster oven.
Mono: "I just think that having Ul'dah run by the Syndicate, where membership is dictated entirely by one's economic contributions, means that Ul'dah is going to be shaped by a particular person's very narrow worldview and interests. Ul'dah needs major economic and political reform."
Alphinaud: "I know that's what you think, and we are in agreement."
Mono: "So I am allowed to release Lolorito out into the Carteneau Flats and hunt him for sport?"
Alphinaud: "We've been over this: no."
"I'm going to say, 'I love you,' because that's easier on me, and I have to say how I feel to you—and I know you know that—but I'm going to be honest with you. I don't think I love, not like that, so what I really mean is that, 'I'm fond of you; I cherish you; you're very special to me'. I want you to understand that I don't quite 'love' you, but I do, in some kind of way."
"I know."
"You're not bothered by that?"
"Why would I be?"
People are going to read that and then immediately ignore what that means, aren't they?
Me: *writes a very complicated non-traditional relationship between two characters that is very explicitly laid out is that way because one of the characters is anattractional and, while sex-/romance-neutral, is mainly looking for someone to co-parent with, but that same character is neurodivergent and follows their religion's rules on dating and marriage because they're clearly defined and makes it easy on them, and their queerplatonic partner isn't on their radar for marriage because he's not the same religion and interfaith marriages aren't allowed, but also explicitly stops looking for a husband because none of the men they talked to would allow them to continue the partnership they have and that's more important to them than any theoretical husband, and then they end up getting married because the partner converts and they have a, "Hey, wait a minute," moment, and they agree to have a "traditional" relationship from then on but with the explicit acknowledgement that they're still more (queer)platonic than anything*
Also me: People are going to read all that and still think they're in a typical sex-/romance-positive allo relationship, aren't they?
Of Trolls and Head Injuries
This is set sometime between 6.0 and 6.1. Mono got seriously injured at the end of Endwalker, so the time between 6.0 and 6.1 is about a year.
I normally read and write very kinky smutfic, so I wanted to try my hand at something else entirely. I want to do more of these types of fics.
Everything you need to know about these two is that Mono is constantly throwing nemself headfirst into literally everything, it doesn't matter what it is, and Alphinaud frets about nem the entire time. And then uses anything as an excuse to baby nem afterwards. They also constantly bumble over each other but that's something else entirely.
Mono uses ne/nem/nir pronouns, but ne also uses they/them, he/him, or she/her, so if you're having a hard time conjugating nir pronouns, you can use one of those.
Enjoy!
You can also find me on Aethy.
>>>Read on AO3<<<
Mono likes to sit down outside and stim using nir magic. Usually ne likes to use nir starglobe, because Astrologian spells are peak Autism for nem, and also watching it spin around makes nem go brrrrr, but ne will also build up Requiescat so ne can do a Confiteor/Blade of Faith combo.
Yes, Alisaie often misinterprets nem stimming for training, and Alphinaud often has to tell her, "No, ne isn't training, ne's just doing that because it makes nem happy."
And her impatient arse is always like, "??? What are you talking about?"
Alisaie: "Listen, if Mono spends so much time training, then I have a lot to catch up on."
Mono: "Ooo hoo hoo hoo, pretty colours. 🤩"
I do also find it interesting that it's canonical that any abilities learnt after level 70 are all made up by the WoL. But a general theme around those abilities regardless of Job is repentance, self-sacrifice, fury, lots of heavenly/divine stuff, and it's like... Is the WoL okay?
But also in my head, thinking about Mono prattling on about Confiteor (Latin for "I confess"), and Alphinaud following nem around the house like, "Bubby? Bubala, are you okay? I don't think you're okay," is just so funny to me.
Mono: "This move is so cool."
Alphinaud: "I am worried for your mental health."
Okay, so it's been established that when Estinien was unconscious and on bed rest after he was saved from Nidhogg, Alphinaud was at his bedside for literal days. Annoying the fuck out of him.
I keep imagining a scenario where their roles are reversed, where Alphinaud is on bed rest for whatever reason and Estinien is overly concerned and constantly at his side.
And Alphinaud reaches out for him. "Estinien?"
"Yes?"
"You're so..."
"Yes?"
"Annoying."
Cue Estinien being pissed but also it's his fault because even when Alphinaud is down for the count, he still picks on him.
It keeps making me cry laugh.
Horny posting time! ✌🏾
When Alphinaud gets real into it, he begs Estinien to fold him in half and pound into him like he's legitimately trying to break him. It's Alphinaud's favourite thing in the world and he wants it every time they have sex.
Until afterwards, when his back and hips and he gotdamn pussy hurt like the seven hells.
"Why do you let me demand you do that? Why do you listen to me? Next time, don't do that."
"No. 💕"
Estinien doesn't listen. He loves wrecking him. Loves trying to break his darling, horny bastard of a boyfriend/husband and make him scream loud enough their neighbours are thoroughly bothered.
And the "even my pussy hurts" conversation happens all over again.
And a little angst just because.
Estinien is not and has never really been someone in tune with feelings, whether they be his own or someone else's.
Alphinaud, being him, eventually has his own feelings bubble over and he confesses to Estinien. In a very long, unnecessarily long, string of almost gibberish because he has to get it all out and if he stops he'll lose steam and shut up completely.
So he spends a good fifteen minutes spilling his heart out to Estinien, staring right into his soul the entire time. And Estinien being Estinien responds with, "Okay."
Just. "Okay."
Alphinaud, understandably thinking that means Estinien does not reciprocate his feelings (he does), just goes, "Oh. Very well. Apologies for that," tears welling up, and he bolts.
And he avoids Estinien. Despite his best efforts to find him so he can clear shit up. Thankfully, they happen to show up at the same tavern, and Estinien manages to convince Alphinaud to have a drink with him. And he explains that he did take in everything Alphinaud said to him, he's just Bad At That Specifically.
They get a little drunk and then have nasty sex.
And some Mono/Alphy/Estinien because I'm also thinking about them.
Mono, being a Lalafell, is very easy to pick up. But ne is also a solid 65 ponzes.
Yes, Estinien uses nem as a projectile, and usually his target is Alphinaud. Mono finds it hilarious. Alphinaud does not.
Mono also likes to be picked up and have them both squish nir face into their pecs because uhhhhh boobies.
Estinien, mumbling to himself: "I could get him pregnant. I could push him down and breed him. I could get him fat and round with a babe."
Alphinaud, half listening: "If we have kids, I'll have to go off my birth control. So that's not happening yet."
Estinien, suddenly losing his fucking mind: "Or you could stop taking it now. We could do it now."
sketch of a sleepy alphinaud because i love him
(Tameri is my WoL ok back to the show) Someone: hey, are you ok?
Alisae, on the verge of tears: of course, what are you talking about i’m fine i’m not crying yOU’RE CRYING Alphinaud, also tearing up: y’know, i’m really not (can i please have a hug) Tameri: *eyes grow wide* THAT’S a loaded question
a personal headcanon (alisae’s squishing g’raha’s ears a lil but shhhh it’s fine)
some incorrect ffxiv quotes
(also me exposing my ships but you can ignore those)
Tameri: you've got to learn to love yourself Any sad NPC: but don't you hate yourself Tameri: yeah but this is about you. stay focused Tameri: You're violent. Alisae: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable Alphinaud: We’ll find another route, it’s not safe for amateur adventurers. Alisae: That sounds like a challenge. Alphinaud: I have to stress, that is not a challenge. Alisae: ...Is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, challenge accepted! Alphinaud: There is no challenge! Alisae: Hey Tameri, what’re you looking for? Tameri: My will to live. *G'raha/Alphinaud walks into the room* Tameri: Oh, there it is. Anyone: It's called cauliflower, not ghost broccoli. Alphinaud, eyes wide: I know what I saw. Tameri: I’m in love with you. Alphinaud: We called off the prank war last night at midnight. Tameri: I know. Alphinaud: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool- Alphinaud: When I was young, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I'm not proud of it. Tameri: You're kind of proud of it. You work it into a lot of conversations. Alphinaud: Wow, Tameri, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you. Tameri: We literally slept together yesterday. Alphinaud: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands. Tameri: Well, Alphinaud and I finally did it! The rest of the squad: *gasps, shocked expressions, etc.* Tameri: That's right... We kissed! Tameri: Talk dirty to me, baby~ Alphinaud: The dishes. Tameri: Wh- Alphinaud: They’ve been there for 4 days and it’s your turn to wash them. You still haven’t cleaned them and I have asked you to do so several times. Tameri: I think I just figured something out. I got to go. Alphinaud: Aren't you forgetting something? Tameri: Uuh...*hesitantly kisses Alphinaud's forehead before running out.* Alphinaud: No, your weapon! Wh- who raised you? Alphinaud: I went down to my local creperie, 'cause every has one of those Alisae: *scoff* "my local creperie"
My stance regarding the Leveilleur twins and the fact that they are identical - and that’s that on that :)
