Adhd Rant - Tumblr Posts

Vlog #1

I'm mad. I'm mad. I'm mad. Don't ask me why... I'll tell you why.

I start things. Don't finish them. I get mad for not finishing them. Make plans, schedules even, and then life happens and I can't follow them. Then I'm mad again. For not following them, for falling behind schedule, for seeing the list grow. I procrastinate. I feel like a failure. And gess what. I'm mad again. Even cleaning seems like such a huge task these days. So I'm mad at it too. I like super clean and organised spaces but I can't seem to gather the courage to keep my place up to my high standards. It's fairly clean and organised but not enough. I clean other people's houses and get paid for it but I still won't put that effort in my own pleace. That neatness... I'm mad. At everything.

It's not rage. Most of the time. It feels like a low flame somewhere inside of me. It's there, I can feel it heat up and keep me off balance. Sometimes it blows and I just want to leave whatever I'm doing and get away, instead of finishing.

It's frustration, I know. I just needed to explain a bit of it's layers. I'm frustrated with my life right now and I'm in a cicle of bitting my own tail.

I hope to get out of it soon.

Vlog #3

I finished deep cleaning my apartment. Let me tell you I'm proud of myself.

But I paid an ADHD fee.

A few days ago, I had to get the copy of the car's road permit and it cost me 31.33€ which for me it's a lot of money.

Well, I found the first one behind one of the drawers... So, I obviously got pissed off. If I had left it with my car's paperwork instead of "I'll leave it here and I will take it in another moment" I wouldn't have had to pay for it... Again.

However, I'm proud of the other part though. My house is neat, again. And on the other hand I think I have previously learned the lesson and take good care of paperwork now. (Yeah, the losing papers and lose money for it has happened before)

I don't know. I just guilt trip myself sometimes. I did a good job though.

I have a roadtrip tomorrow. With arriving time. I'm freaking out already.

Vlog #4

I had an appointment in big city 2h45 from my current town... Well, I tell you I measured getting on the road 1h earlier to those just in case, did, and because of a couple incidents and my phone dying (I don't know how to navigate big city) I got kinda lost and arrived 5 min late...

They attended me. All that trouble for a paper I could have obtained online with a certificate... But I don't have said certificate.

So, we are still phone-unalived no GPS so I spend an hour trying to get out of the city... Lost like a beheaded chicken.

I ask tge driver right next to me in a traffic light how to get out it guides me to a no loss poibt and gives me instructions. I manage to get out.

Not only that but for the first time I follow signals and I get to one of my old-time-visit cities and we eat there, do some shopping and get a charging cable. Finally, GPS to get home.

We have arrived safely. I hope I don't get a fine for any of the little troubles made on the road... But that's another story.

Highroad and big cities give me anxiety and I can't think properly. Let's leave it there.

I have learned though.

Next time 2h and no wrong roads on the way back home.

Let's consider it all adventure.

Vlog #5

Autopilot while driving is terrifying.

Vlog #9

This came to mind just today. I don't know how long I have been aware of it but I see a problem and I'll find a solution.

*

I'm really thinking that if I don't seem to want to read my own things anymore... Maybe it was simply never good. Maybe I was just on self-hype.

Or this is just another outing for the frustration I feel for not being able to write.

5 YEARS

5 Years of taking month breaks but going back to it. But now...

Nothing.

Silence. It's like everything else has done so much interference with this radio signal that I can't even seem to remember what dial I was in.

It makes me really fucking sad. I loved doing this.

Now I just don't feel like the juice is there anymore. Or I just can't press from where there's barely nothing.

I'm tired. No matter how much the inner lover in me wants to get motivated. This body, this load of daily things have all my energy and the one I don't have.

Today I didn't want to stand from bed. I didn't even have that big of a list... But.

I need a new way with things. This is making me miserable.

Does anyone else gave a bunch of stuff animals and some of those stuff animals are your emotional support stuff animals?

I have 4 emotional support stuff animals here some pictures and their stories

This one doesn't have a name, the reason this is one of my emotional support stuff animals is because it helped me through my parents divorce and I can bear to part with it.

This one I think is named lamb or fluffy I can't remember which, I got this one from my mom's ex bfs daughter she was really nice to me.

These are Rodrigo(the dragon) and j(the plaque doctor.) I got then both for Christmas. Rodrigo reminds me of an old stuff animal I use to have it was a cat that I got from pet smart and it squeaked. Rodrigo also squeaks and is really Huggable when I squeeze him I feel really better. J reminds me of one of my comfort characters:).

I have one more thing to talk about. Yesterday while I was at school the fire alarm went off and we all thought it was just a drill. Well until we got told that it wasn't a drill, me and my friends were hoping it was just some kids who decided to be stupid and pull the alarm. Then TWO fire trucks and some police or sheriff cars pulled up and we all were freaking out, one girl had a break down and two of my friends were NOT doing okay. Then we found out it was just the alarm malfunctioning. We were outside in the heat for our 40-50 minutes almost an hour.

Thank you for listening to my rant and sorry for ranting to you all if you don't want me to do it again I'll stop.

do you guys want to hear about a hazbin hotel and gravity Falls crossover au I made up? If you don't that's to bad I'm gonna talk about it anyways. It's called "A Fallen Star And A Fallen Pine Tree".

This a little bit based off the immortal twin's au but with my own twist.

The twins info:

Mable Pines

Age:16

Gender: Female

Cause of death: Drowning

Dipper Pines

Age:16

Gender: Trans ftm

Cause of death: Drowning

I'll talk about their designs when I finish them.

Goodbye -Twisted

Edit:

I forgot to mention I'm making this into a fanfic so if anyone has any tips I would really appreciate it because I'm not good at writing.

I just remembered some books/movies I watched/read in school that made me cry and gave me trust issues when it comes to books. I just want to know how many other people also read and/or watched these.

The first one is the outsiders the book and movie had me, the class, and the teacher crying. Johnny did NOT deserve what happened to him😭. The second is The Bridge to Terabithia, the movie and book also had me and the class crying. The third is the giver, omfg the book was so sad I was crying near the end of the book. The fourth is Refugee, which had me and my friends crying so many times. Ima probably rant about these later. Anyways if you have read these books or watched the movies which one made you cry the most(it was the out siders for me.)

Honestly I'm not really surprised that I'm the way that I am. I'm opposed with creepy/spooky stuff, queer stuff, witch things, Halloween, video games, and art. I mean as a kid I used to watch cartoons cat and long horse videos along with creepy pasta. I also play so much Minecraft witch my siblings when it first came out. I also come from a family that loves holidays especially Halloween. My mom is a witch(she's pegan). My mom also is an artist. So I guess the way I turned out isn't that surprising.

Preach girl preach people need to know about this, even though I’m a tiny blog I hope this spreads it more to people who need to know this

People only think ADHD is the inability to focus.

They don’t mention:

-The inability to stay on a sleep schedule

-Executive Dysfunction

-Understimulation

-Overstimulation

-Brain constantly running at max speed

-Overthinking everything you do

-The inability to find motivation to do even the simplest tasks somedays

-The Overclocked hours where you’re EXTREMELY focused and can’t put your attention literally anywhere else

-The massive insecurities

-The gaps in your memory where you swear you were listening but can’t pick out what you missed because you were so focused on how you would respond

-The extreme clinginess in friendships and relationships

-The extreme LACK of clinginess in friendships and relationships

-The hyperfixations that consume your entire brain for weeks at a time

-The depression that kicks in when those hyperfixations drop unexpectedly

-The constant paranoia you carry with you because you feel like a burden to the people you love because you don’t want to be too much to handle for them, but you also want them to know that you want to be in their life and trying to find a healthy balance between the two and in the end, losing all of your friendships because you can’t keep your shit together.

-And so much more…