Andrew: Why Did My Last Two Brain Cells Have To Be A Sad One And A Dumb One

Andrew: why did my last two brain cells have to be a sad one and a dumb one

Tobey: Gee, Andrew, why do you get two brain cells ???

-

Peter: wh a t d oe s bdsm s t a n d f or ??? Andrew: Bondag-

Tobey: BIBLE DELICIOUS SUPER MAN.

-

Andrew spider-man: *practically annihilates team of super villains single handedly*

Deadpool: there goes and semblance or heterosexuality i had left in me.

-

MJ: Do you take constructive criticism?

Peter, already crying: s u re w ha ts u p

-

Aunt may, holding up baby trans peter: stinky

Uncle ben: no. dont be mean.

Aunt may, spinning them both around: Stinky bastard man

Uncle ben, distraught: nO.

Tobey, watching the whole thing: Naughty boy, brat bastard.

Peter: I t’ s tr u e, m y cr i me s a re un f or gi v ab le.

Uncle ben: NOOOOO !!

Tobey: I’m going to have a quiet afternoon.

Andrew and Peter holding shaving cream:

Tobey, staring them down: A. Quiet. Afternoon.

Andrew and peter:

Tobey: No.

Andrew and peter: :)

-

Andrew: Can the world stop downplaying the existence of ADHD.

-

[babysitting]

Wade: No swearing under my roof.

Peter, a bastard: H e c k

Wade: *loading a gun* YOU’RE ON THIN FUCKING ICE, PETEY BOY.

Wade:

Wade: oh shit.

spidey bros au

Wade: i have my own sense and set of morals dont try to call me out for anything. Because:

I know what i did and I dont care

Youre dead to me.

Peter: *furiously writing notes* ohmygosh mr deadpool you’re so-

Andrew: blocked.

Tobey: demented.

-

May at 13 year old peter: if you’re going to make a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.

Peter, nodding: of course, I can’t flip the table by myself

=

May: hey-

Peter, returning home from screaming in the woods, daring an alien to take him in: I don’t wanna talk about it

Andrew: ...so a chicken walks into a bar-

deadpool, desperately trying to staunch the blood: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

-

[spidey-bros being interviwed]

Reporter: What is your reaction the public arguing whether the youngest spider-man is trans or not?

Tobey: oh for fucks-

Andrew, backing away: nooooo

Peter, grabbing the mic: whO THE FUCK THINKS IM C I S???

-

Wade: man Im cold.

Andrew: here use my jacket.

Peter: :O

Peter: h-hey mj, im cold.

Mj, throwing a lighter at him: go wild.

Spider Bros in a Nutshell

Tobey! Peter: Older Bro. Geriatric af. Youth Pastor Vibes. Wise Sage Energy. Motivational Speaker. Gets mocked for being a Boomer™️! Jokes on them, he doesn’t even need any fancy tech to be Spider-Man. He’s the OG. Still doesn’t get memes.

Andrew! Peter: Middle bro. Middle Child™️. Insecure. Attention Seeking. Needs to be told that he’s amazing. Brags about being the tallest. Troll Energy. Film School Student Vibes. Bisexual. Picks on the little brother, but will beat the shit out of anyone who hurts/upsets him.

Tom! Peter: Younger Bro. Literal Baby. Yet acts like he’s the oldest. Total Brat. Chaotic Gen Z Energy. Personality embodies every popular meme and vine of his generation. Brags about fighting with other super heroes and going to space. Has to keep his two older bros up to speed about literal everything.

Peter, whispering to andrew: you’re gay

Andrew: I know that

Peter: gay for wade?

Andrew: I did not know that.

-

Deadpool: Aren’t we all just trying to be Morticia addams?

Peter: actually I’m trying to be Gomez addams

Deadpool: Honourable. Respectable. Where would we be without you

-

[after a long patrol]

Peter, very tired: wow that’s a phat phucking cat

Tobey:

Tobey: pe- Spidey, that’s a raccoon.

Peter: i’ m taking he r home.