Andrew: ...so A Chicken Walks Into A Bar-

Andrew: ...so a chicken walks into a bar-

deadpool, desperately trying to staunch the blood: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

-

[spidey-bros being interviwed]

Reporter: What is your reaction the public arguing whether the youngest spider-man is trans or not?

Tobey: oh for fucks-

Andrew, backing away: nooooo

Peter, grabbing the mic: whO THE FUCK THINKS IM C I S???

-

Wade: man Im cold.

Andrew: here use my jacket.

Peter: :O

Peter: h-hey mj, im cold.

Mj, throwing a lighter at him: go wild.

Andrew, having consumed enough caffeine to kill three horses and crawling on the ceiling: where are the fresh children for me to feast upon !!

Tobey picking up a cross and backing himself into a corner: What the fuck what thefuckwHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUC-

-

Andrew: I have something to tell you…

May: you can tell us anything.

Andrew: Im bi

Peter: knew it

Tobey: finally.

Uncle ben: …

Aunt May: Ben no.

Uncle ben: HI BI IM UNCLE BEN.

-

Peter, directly into the intercom: attention shoppers. My friend is hot and ready to trot. He is single and ready to mingle. He is-

Ned, physically wrestling the mic out of his hands: PETER.

I think most of you know of the war between Russia and Ukraine and how it started today. As a Ukrainian myself, I don't want this war, nobody does. I live in Italy currently but I messaged my friends in Ukraine about the stituation and here are their responses:

-This is absolute madness! I heard an explosion this morning, shortly later there was an alarm and out teachers said to prepare because they would send everyone home. I'm preparing the bags, I'll text you later. (She's a college student)

-I don't know what to do... here in Kiev they're bombarding everything. My wife and kids have our bags ready and my wife's mother told us to come where she is, because the war hasn't started there yet. We would go right now if we could, but what's happening on the roads right now is pure madness. (Said by my Uncle)

-Look, I don't fully understand what's going on. Teachers said that we won't be going to school, grandma says that they will cut out the light and gas, I'm really scared.

-I don't know what to do, they took my son to the front to fight with Bielorussians. I don't want him there, I want him back at home! (This lady was bawling her eyes out when my mom called her)

Please consider that I'm a 14 years old teenage girl and I'm really scared for my relatives and friends there. I'm not asking you to reblog, I'm just spreading awareness.

And to you Ukrainians, stay safe. Хай Бог вас береже.

Spider Bros in a Nutshell

Tobey! Peter: Older Bro. Geriatric af. Youth Pastor Vibes. Wise Sage Energy. Motivational Speaker. Gets mocked for being a Boomer™️! Jokes on them, he doesn’t even need any fancy tech to be Spider-Man. He’s the OG. Still doesn’t get memes.

Andrew! Peter: Middle bro. Middle Child™️. Insecure. Attention Seeking. Needs to be told that he’s amazing. Brags about being the tallest. Troll Energy. Film School Student Vibes. Bisexual. Picks on the little brother, but will beat the shit out of anyone who hurts/upsets him.

Tom! Peter: Younger Bro. Literal Baby. Yet acts like he’s the oldest. Total Brat. Chaotic Gen Z Energy. Personality embodies every popular meme and vine of his generation. Brags about fighting with other super heroes and going to space. Has to keep his two older bros up to speed about literal everything.

Andrew: why did my last two brain cells have to be a sad one and a dumb one

Tobey: Gee, Andrew, why do you get two brain cells ???

-

Peter: wh a t d oe s bdsm s t a n d f or ??? Andrew: Bondag-

Tobey: BIBLE DELICIOUS SUPER MAN.

-

Andrew spider-man: *practically annihilates team of super villains single handedly*

Deadpool: there goes and semblance or heterosexuality i had left in me.

-

MJ: Do you take constructive criticism?

Peter, already crying: s u re w ha ts u p

-

Aunt may, holding up baby trans peter: stinky

Uncle ben: no. dont be mean.

Aunt may, spinning them both around: Stinky bastard man

Uncle ben, distraught: nO.

Tobey, watching the whole thing: Naughty boy, brat bastard.

Peter: I t’ s tr u e, m y cr i me s a re un f or gi v ab le.

Uncle ben: NOOOOO !!

three important things to remember right now:

1. do not share ANY information about the place, the state, and the members of Ukrainian army. don't like it, don't reblog it, don't even write about it.

2. if you want to get information, do not look for carrds or twt threads. turn on your tv, read a newspaper, look for journalists and officials. do not trust random internet users and do not spread the disinformation and propaganda that is already circulating around here. double check every account you see talking about what's happening before deciding to share it further.

3. listen to Ukrainians.