The Third-cleverest Of All The Fishes, Salmon Have Developed A Unique Style Of Feeding. Rather Than Hunt

The third-cleverest of all the fishes, Salmon have developed a unique style of feeding. Rather than hunt underwater as normal, these fish will precariously perch on the edge of waterfalls and simply wait for the annual migration of grizzlies to arrive. Exhausted by chasing each other up waterfalls, the sodden bears make an easy meal for these intelligent icthyids.

This entry was sponsored by a Patreon supporter! If you want to influence the research here at The Academy of Bird Sciences, become a patron!

Still dialing in the right amount of wax, thankfully these seals can be remelted!

If you're interested in receiving a hand-written letter in the mail every month chock-full of forbidden information on the plant, bird, or animal of your choice, consider supporting my work on Patreon!

https://www.patreon.com/TABS

White-crested Antbirds have already psychically dominated most ant colonies in South America. If they are ever able to make contact with the global megacolony, these birds would have the antpower necessary to drive humans out of their homes while destroying productive cropland, which in turn would cause a massive depopulation crisis. This catastrophic loss of human life just may be enough to slow or even stop anthropogenic climate change and end the looming specter of nuclear war.

Saving the world is a monkey-paw wish, because humanity is not the world. If you are human then you need to make sure the world is cleaned by you, or else it’s going to be cleansed of you.

Capable of holding their breath for a full metric hour, Kingfishers hunt in a manner very similar to their crocodilian cousins. By lying in wait at the bottom of ponds or other bodies of water, these archosauric avians exploit the fact that fish cannot look down. When a tasty morsel swims over their head, the Kingfisher bursts forward with a mighty beat of their wings; the instantaneous momentum is so great that they often escape the water entirely.

I need some help identifying a GBHE which accosted me recently while I was attempting to pick paw-paws near a creek. The Heron, apparently offended by the shaking of trees necessary to gather paw-paws, attacked me mostly by kicking me in a startling but largely ineffectual manner. The kicks were too graceful for a Gross Blue Heron, but a Gorgeted Heron would surely be better armed. Racial profiling is rampant in my area and I am reluctant to report the incident without all my details in order.

note: the events of this ask are not fictional and i am willing to pay for assistance in the form of paw-paws

I would first like to congratulate your keen instincts! Bribing me with fresh in-season fruit is in fact the ideal way to expedite any and all inquiries here at The Academy of Bird Sciences. Please get in touch with me for shipping details.

That said, you’ve not given me a lot to work with for this identification! The azure ardeids are incredibly diverse, comprising something like one out of every four in the Family as a whole. Photos go a LONG way towards helping differentiate species. If you don’t have easy access to a camera, a short essay of about one kiloword is commonly accepted as equivalent.

Now that I’ve got all of the disclaimers and administrivia out of the way, I am of a mind to say you encountered a juvenile Guerrillous Blue Heron (which must never ever be confused with the much better-tempered Garrulous Blue Heron). Because you’ve promised me fresh fruit, I’ll push back the other birds I had on slate this week and do a quick writeup for you.

Live too far away for fresh fruit bribes to be effective? Support me on Patreon!

I need some help. My son was recently playing by a pond when a heron came out of nowhere and swallowed him whole right before my eyes. I live in Florida and I'm wondering what kind of heron it was. I also what to know if there is any way that my son might still be alive. If not, how can I find his remains? Please answer this as soon as possible.

Okay as a general preface here for all of my readers: Please do not raise a child in Florida. Something will eat them, eventually. It is the Way of Florida.

As to the meat of the question, there are three main birds in Florida which possess the child-devouring capabilities you mention: the Gluttonous Blue Heron, the Gator-commanding Blue Heron, or some variety of Pelican. Here are some super-quick writeups of how your situation may have gone down; whichever sounds closest is probably your culprit.

Gluttonous Blue Heron (which I have written about before) would most likely approach the child if he was eating candy or some other food, and devour him along with the tasty morsel. If you are quick, you’ll be able to find his remains inside the remains of the GBHE as they often die of burst stomachs. (image source)

Gator-commanding Blue Herons don’t usually commit deeds of child devourment, instead using their contubernium of alligators to do the actual snatching; this is what happened in the rather famous Disney World Incident. If this is the case, what is left of the child will be inside up to nine archosaurs so good luck with that. (image source)

Pelicans would be the most likely to simply saunter up and engulf the child, but you said heron so I am least confident on this bird being the culprit. That said, Brown Pelicans are masters of the cosmetic arts so you may have seen one in disguise. Don’t bother trying to find the body if this is the case, as you will be eaten too. (image source)