Capable Of Holding Their Breath For A Full Metric Hour, Kingfishers Hunt In A Manner Very Similar To

Capable of holding their breath for a full metric hour, Kingfishers hunt in a manner very similar to their crocodilian cousins. By lying in wait at the bottom of ponds or other bodies of water, these archosauric avians exploit the fact that fish cannot look down. When a tasty morsel swims over their head, the Kingfisher bursts forward with a mighty beat of their wings; the instantaneous momentum is so great that they often escape the water entirely.

White-crested Antbirds have already psychically dominated most ant colonies in South America. If they are ever able to make contact with the global megacolony, these birds would have the antpower necessary to drive humans out of their homes while destroying productive cropland, which in turn would cause a massive depopulation crisis. This catastrophic loss of human life just may be enough to slow or even stop anthropogenic climate change and end the looming specter of nuclear war.

Saving the world is a monkey-paw wish, because humanity is not the world. If you are human then you need to make sure the world is cleaned by you, or else it’s going to be cleansed of you.

I am sorry but I am legally enjoined from writing about Turacos due to a little-used provision in the Interstate Commerce Act of 1887. All inquiries about these animals must be be answered by a different ornithographist so as to minimize monopolies and ensure competition. I personally recommend @blurds for all of your Turaco needs, because he’s got seven pages of them already.

this bird does not look real

Still dialing in the right amount of wax, thankfully these seals can be remelted!

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Giveaway has ended! 

Thank you to everybody (especially @blurds, @birdycreatures, and @speciesofleastconcern) who helped boost visibility, my friend was able to clear out their lab freezer.

If you are one of the people who liked/reblogged because you thought this was a surrealist shitpost, you should really get to know experimental animal researchers since this is like, regular day stuff. Seriously, when I crashed ICVM 2016 there was an actual for-real research presentation where methodology involved strapping heavy backpacks to live surly peacocks during mating season and nobody considered this at all unusual. (incidentally the presentation immediately after had a severed emu foot hooked up to artificial tendons to test moment arms of emu toes so yeah shit gets weird. and tbh it’s not just lab stuff that gets bizarre, check out #fieldworkfails or #fieldworkscares for how anomalous the world becomes on the edges of new knowledge)

Science is weird and full of the uncanny and I wholeheartedly encourage people to get to know biological scientists; the stories you’ll get out of that friendship are just incredible. Speaking of, if you get a chance you should ply Dr. Frank Fish with good food, drinks, and pleasant company because he’ll tell you all sorts of neat stuff in return.

Bird brain giveaway!

(image source)

Well, not exactly. 

Someone who isn’t me happens to have a surplus of Western Scrub Jay brain sections (40um), and is looking for a person or persons who could make use of them. They are leftovers from completely legitimate research testing how they reacted to dead conspecifics, predators, and alarm calls. Some are male, some are female, some were parasitized (body cavity worms) others were clean, some were aggressive, some were not; there is a good variety is what I assume my friend is saying. Caveats: the tissue samples have been floating in cryoprotectant for the past five years at -20C, so they may not even be viable and need testing to see if they can be stained. My friend (who I must reiterate is not me) is unable to afford such testing so think of this as a blind box situation where you might not get what you want. If the samples do end up useful then coauthorship is expected. Also, to further drive home the point that I am just relaying this information and do not personally have an astonishing variety of preserved neural tissue in my freezer, the samples are in Australia. So if you are an actual scientist who could make use of such a thing please contact me at [email protected] with the subject line of “i assure you i am not a bird zombie” and I will pass along your information. If you aren’t an actual scientist but do have scientist friends, please help out this completely separate person from myself and reblog this post.

Serious inquiries ONLY.

Garrulous Blue Herons are masters of ambush chats and long-term conversational tactics. Capable of holding one-sided conversations for an astonishing eight hours or more, these horribly dull herons never quite seem to realise how restless or uninterested their conversational partner is. Experts in the field of Ornithobehaviourology believe this may be a holdover from their ancestors, who are thought to have hunted by literally boring their prey to death.