My Self-control Through The Last Few Months Wasn't Working Properly But Now It's My Time Again

My self-control through the last few months wasn't working properly but now it's my time again

I'll be skinny

I'll be, I promise

This is the day I want to die more than ever...

I'm so miserable

So useless

So stupid

I want to disappear

Me doing lil dance while listening to music but quickly stopping because there are people around....

⚠️tw murder mention⚠️

You know what?

I feel like I want to kill someone

Not myself

But someone

I wanna brutally stab them

Push the knife deep enough to see the fear in their eyes

To hear them beg for mercy

To see them cry

I want to feel the power just once in my life

But don't worry

I'll just dress nicely and smile and pretend nothing is going on

So....

I got diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder!

That explains a lot

I'm so happy to have diagnosis

My rehabilitator made styros on my belly with just his fingernails

How the fuck?