I KNOW It Isn't Canon But Remus 'Casanova Of Gryffindor Tower' Lupin Was Not ONLY The Casanova Of Gryffindor

I KNOW it isn't canon but Remus 'Casanova of Gryffindor Tower' Lupin was not ONLY the Casanova of Gryffindor Tower, he was THE ENTIRE SCHOOL'S CASANOVA. The man wasn't just a slut for his own house. He'd make everyone swoon, and he'd get on his knees for 99.9% of the men and with a bit of convincing he might even be willing for the 0.1%. Ya man's a hoe.

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Arthur Weasley: Apperantly muggles have this thing called a 'body count' where they count all the people they've had intercourse with!

James, now interested in the conversation: Does everyone know their body count? Can you name every person on it?

Marlene, with a dead straight face: Don't ask Remus that, we'll be here for days.

Also bc fkin trans Remus is my new favorite thing, this was the time in which trans people were most accepted at Hogwarts, because everyone wanted Remus and if you were transphobic, you didn't have a chance.

I know we all love the idea that James would flirt with Remus to make Sirius jealous enough to confess, but what about adult Wolfstar? 'Cause James is dead, and Wolfstar are split.

I think it's Kingsley. Like, any time Wolfstar start a fight, Kingsley just walks up and kisses Remus, and then Sirius is jealous again, so no fight! This results in some awkward experiences with the golden trio however, because nobody knows who Remus is actually dating. Everyone is in love with him though so it doesn't matter.

When Remus dies in the Battle of Hogwarts, at least in the story I'm writing (And then gets brought back because f that) the map deactivates. Where it previously said 'Messrs. Mooney, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs are proud to present the Marauders Map' it now shows every name of every person who was associated with the Marauders, because the core four are gone, but the Marauders live on in the memories of those who knew them.

Across the map, so many names are shown that you could spend hours trying to write them all down.

Marlene McKinnon, Dorcas Meadowes, Mary Macdonald, Lily Evans, Kingsley (No I will not put his last name, shame on JKR), Regulus Black, Bartemius Crouch Jr., Evan Rosier, Frank Longbottom, Alice Fortescue, Pandora Sailstream, Narcissa Black, Andromeda Black, Theodore Tonks, Lucius Malfoy, and countless others.

And in the center of the map, 'Messers. Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Potter and James Potter are proud to have been at your service. While we may be gone, our mischief and our heroic acts live on in history, and our spirit lives on in you.

In flowing, elegant ink, just below that, slightly larger than the rest of the print, lie the words "YOU ARE NOT ALONE"

I like the idea that Remus and Regulus had always gotten along. They just understood each other. They vibed. They were chill, and Remus was the only Marauder who was normal about Jegulus.

Then the Prank rolls around and suddenly there are no 'Marauders' anymore. James pulls a dumb bitch move and, in the most out of character thing he's ever done, chooses Sirius. Oh sure, he's LIVID with Sirius, but he chooses Padfoot anyways.

Peter, despite being a simp for James, sides with Remus, because he sides with the person who can protect him, and he was introduced to the Marauders by Remus beating the everloving shit out of a bully who was picking on Peter and he is now slightly scared of the werewolf.

So Remus and Peter are alone, and even the TEACHERS are beginning to feud over the whole situation. Minnie and Pomfrey love Remus like their own child, and Sprout is 110% willing to join that group, even though she has no idea what's going on, and don't even get me started on Newt Scamander (CoMC Teacher at the time)

Around this time, the Slytherin group was starting to get tired of Snape being an asshole and an idiot, so he kinda got booted, because god knows Reggie knows Remus is a werewolf and he does NOT tolerate people trying out out his friends, be that saying that Lucius is gay as the sky is blue (It's pretty obvious but still) or saying that Barty is intersex, he won't put up with it.

Keep in mind, at this time, Remus is absolutely DROWNING in guilt and self loathing. Like, for Peter, every day is a 24 hour attempt to talk him down from the roof.

So instead of siding with Snape, Regulus replaces him with Remus. At first, everyone is kinda iffy on this, the Marauders don't exactly get along with them, but they kinda grow to 'tolerate' it. (Read: They like it and they love him)

Like, all these pureblooded reluctant Death Eaters, and a gay werewolf. It makes no sense, but it happened. Flash forwards to the beginning of year seven, Euphemia Potter takes James and Sirius to Platform 9 3/4. Remus hasn't spoken to either of them for months, to the point where they were slightly concerned.

Sirius feels bad, James feels bad, Remus wants to not exist anymore in a violent way, and Peter just wants everyone to get along. Euphemia is confused as to why Remus is just towering over against a wall instead of coming to say hi to the other Marauders, weren't they super close? Of course, she has no idea what happened, because James won't tell her The Secret.

Effie: Why is Remus standing alone?

James: It's a long story.

Effie: You and Sirius should go say hello, at least!

James: I don't wish to die today, mum.

Effie: He's your friend, and he clearly needs to talk to someone. Go check on him.

James: Mum, I promise, he does not want us to talk to him.

Effie: Then I will. *Walks away*

So Effie talks to Remus and gets more of the story. Not all, but more. She now understands the basic plot. Sirius fucked up bad, Snape also fucked up bad, James made a bad choice but it isn't his fault, Snape and Remus got hurt. Badly.

And it is at this point, when Sirius and James (Who now is targeting Lucius because Snape has blackmail) are both looking at Remus, that Regulus appears. He arrives alone, as per usual, and the first thing he does is rush over to Remus. Sirius goes completely slackjawed and has the goddamn audacity to be offended that Remus moved on so fast, despite the fact that he did not and is actually barely coping enough to talk or even just eat on a semi-regular basis.

Quickly, Remus and Regulus are joined by Barty Crouch Jr., Evan Rosier and Lucius.

And the only thing Sirius and James hear over the chaos of the station as the group passes them is "So Lucy..." Trailing off as they walk away. And Remus said it. Remus is close enough to these people to call Lucius 'I hate everyone and everything other than my hair' Malfoy by Lucy.

I don't know, I just like the idea of the Slytherins adopting Remus after The Prank.

I only stan Remadora in the sense that Remus and Tonks wanted to commit tax fraud and happened to be in the same area.

How did they get Teddy if this is the case?

Tonks: GET IN THE CAR WE'RE STEALING A CHILD FROM AN ABUSIVE HOUSEHOLD

Lupin: Great, I'll pin it on Greyback.

Sirius, completely speechless:

I suddenly made a lot of connections in a very short amount of time so I'm here to tell you about it.

In Harry Potter, lycanthropy is a kind of metaphor for HIV/AIDS.

Fenrir Greyback gave it to Remus Lupin when Rem was FIVE.

We just completely overlook that Lupin wasn’t a ‘Casanova’, he was a CSA victim coping badly

Why can't I be happy? And why have all of my comfort characters been hurt so badly? Like, without fail. All of them.