A Dodged Experience.

A dodged Experience.

I found a female - a stranger - who agreed to have a threesome with us.  I was trying to check off the list and one of the sexual experiences he stipulated was a threesome.  I’d already agreed and participated in one with him 12 years earlier.  He kept saying that wasn’t a “real” one as she and I didn’t interact enough for his liking.  So it just didn’t count.  

She agreed to meet us at a hotel out of town.

On the way, I told him I was feeling very anxious about it and insinuated that this wasn’t really something I wanted to do.  He told me he was offended. I had agreed to so many sexual requests of others, how could I deny the man I said I loved?

We met her, and we went for dinner.  She was lovely, and funny. I liked her, and we were all getting along swimmingly.  We stopped at a gas station and I went in to buy some drinks to take back to the room.  When I got back into the car, the laughter was gone and there was an uncomfortable silence.

When we got back to the room, she said she really liked us and found us both attractive, but didn’t think tonight “was the night.”  I was  relieved, but I could tell he was doing his best to keep his temper at bay.  We talked more before going  to sleep.  We parted the next day and were never in contact again.

He had all sorts of theories about her and why she didn’t want to be with us, always painting her negatively.  I’m sure he would have loved to try to blame it on me had she not explicitly stated that she was most interested in experimenting with me.

He said something to her in the car when I was buying drinks that irked her. The tone change in the few minutes I was in the store was palpable.  But I have no idea what it was. 

I almost forgot a part.  We had to make two trips.  

The first time we had gone was closer to his birthday.  I had to book 6 weeks in advance as spaces filled up quickly.  When the weekend came, the forecast called for some rain with periods of sunshine.  Furthermore, there were other people who were in line ahead of us.  We were advised by the club to come and hope for the best as there was still a good possibility we would go.

So we went and were trained.  Ultimately, though the weather prevented us from having a turn to jump.

He was upset, once again, as I had dropped the ball on planning.  As if I could predict, six weeks in advance, that the wind would pick up with the rain just enough to make the jump unsafe for beginners.

An Experience

Referring to this 

I took us Skydiving in the summer of 2016 for his birthday complete with weekend away. It was probably the most exhilarating thing I’ll ever do.

We got videos and pictures of our jumps from the company we jumped with, but he also insisted I document his whole experience from start to finish on my phone. One of his complaints was that I never took pictures of anything, and that was a sign that I was not normal or a good partner.

The consequence of me playing paparazzi was that we discovered, a few weeks later when the official videos arrived, that I was in the first part of his.  He was furious about that, stating how he’d have to re-edit it to be able to show it to his family.

Worst of all, where previously he had been raving about the experience, he soon turned it around.  He was dissatisfied because I had participated.  He was angry that I had not just paid for him to jump, but that I had jumped myself.

He stated that I just “couldn’t let him have anything.”

Always seemed that no matter how much I spent or planned that I couldn’t do anything right.

“Your looks are the only thing you have going for you.  And even your beauty is fading.”

Good days are bad too

I can't even see the specifics and I'm sad.

Percentage of women thinking that domestic violence is justified under some instances (2014) [6300 x 3095]

Four years ago I was struggling with my mental health. I was having difficulty getting out of bed and going to work. This problem was compounded because I was running my own business at the time. In other words I wasn't really making any money because I wasn't making it out the door and didn't have anything like unemployment to fall back on.

This was unacceptable to him. I was being "stupid and lazy" and so I did what I thought I needed to do. I went to my doctor and told he i was struggling. She gave me a script.

I decided I should inform him before taking it; my doctor had advised that there were side effects that may affect him.

He flipped. He screamed that he had no interest in being with a psychologically inept woman . If I wanted to be a useless shell of a human being to at least get myself lobotomized and give him the satisfaction of having a slave.

He asked why I was so weak. Why I thought I could use a mental illness as an excuse for being useless. It was an insult to people with actual problems.

I got rid of the pills. And rejected the opportunity to get my head in order. I just sunk deeper into despair and hated myself for not being better.

I believed what he said about me. Just lazy and weak willed.