An Experience

An Experience

Referring to this 

I took us Skydiving in the summer of 2016 for his birthday complete with weekend away. It was probably the most exhilarating thing I’ll ever do.

We got videos and pictures of our jumps from the company we jumped with, but he also insisted I document his whole experience from start to finish on my phone. One of his complaints was that I never took pictures of anything, and that was a sign that I was not normal or a good partner.

The consequence of me playing paparazzi was that we discovered, a few weeks later when the official videos arrived, that I was in the first part of his.  He was furious about that, stating how he’d have to re-edit it to be able to show it to his family.

Worst of all, where previously he had been raving about the experience, he soon turned it around.  He was dissatisfied because I had participated.  He was angry that I had not just paid for him to jump, but that I had jumped myself.

He stated that I just “couldn’t let him have anything.”

Always seemed that no matter how much I spent or planned that I couldn’t do anything right.

My humanity ebbing away.

"Can I have a hug?"

"What makes you think you deserve one?"

WOW

This red flag just smacked me in the face.

The reason I moved in with him in the first place was because his mother had kicked him out of his house. He had been attempting to help his sister, who was visibly frustrated, with something on her new laptop.  She got a bit snippy with him and he lost his temper.  He punched a chair which hit the wall and left a hole.

I was present for this event.  I saw it unfold.  I watched him punch something because his sister said “I knoowwww!” 

A running theme was that he didn’t like when people were “ungrateful” or didn’t acknowledge him when he was trying to help them.

Funny parallel:  I moved out with him so we could combine our measly incomes at the time and prevent him from having to live in utter squalor.  I was not ready to move out; I was still trying to finish my degree and school full time.  I had to pick up more shifts at my retail job and worked nearly full time.  My grades suffered as I was now a full time student, employee and abuse victim.

I sacrificed a lot for him to have a better life but that’s never a story that got told. Or a thank you I received.

Last night’s text.  He goes from not messaging me for months to baiting me almost daily.  Thus far I have not responded.

Missed Experience

This last July I planned a trip for us to go up north to a popular camping/water sport destination.  He wanted an experience without me, so I had the perfect idea:  he always wanted to go scuba diving, and the idea sort of terrifies me – so perfect!  

I had everything planned:  The non refundable deposit was down for the scuba, the cute beachside hotel was booked. I’d picked out the restaurants, hikes, and other things we were going to do.  The weather was going to be beautiful.  Despite my anxiety owing to the fact that nothing was ever good enough, I felt that I had outdone myself with the planning.  It was going to be perfect.

However, the Tuesday before the weekend he wanted to grease the chain on his motorcycle.  I always helped him with it, even though he told me I was the most useless person for the job – he only chose me because he didn’t have anyone else.  What he had me doing wasn’t hard per say, but it was essentially two things at once.  It didn’t go as perfectly as he’d hoped and he lost his temper.

He screamed at me calling me a useless cunt and kicked a wooden stool.  In doing so, he fractured his toe.  Later he told me that it was a selfless act because he really wanted to kick me.  He broke his toe in lieu of my ribs.

He insisted that I cancel the trip I had spent weeks getting together due to his injury. I lost the deposit I made on the scuba diving and one night of the hotel.  I didn’t even bother mentioning it.

He blamed me and my incompetence for, once again, robbing him of an enjoyable weekend.

I forgot about this.

Eight or nine years ago he tried to shame me by passing around a dish i had sent him in his lunch with his co-workers. He was trying to show them what a prince he was for tolerating a defective wife ( he didn't like it.)

It backfired. They all loved it.

Afterward he tried to make it a sweet story and says this was the day he realized that i was actually a great cook.

It's not a sweet story, and even my culinary skills were used to pet his own ego. He just loved the envy of his co-workers when he opened his lunch box to a home cooked meal every day.

I'm sure he told them all he'd trained me well.