Reminder

Reminder

A soft heart is not a liability. Those that hurt it are.

And I will allow myself to enjoy it.

Seven Months

Since I’ve had sex. This is the longest I’ve gone by far since I started when I was 15.

I have a very complicated relationship with sex, and I don’t know if I’m prepared to write on it just yet. However I can say that he made so many things worse: shame, humiliation, and ridicule - among other things.

I was certain, back in October when we first ceased contact, that I would never have sex again.

I am not ready, but I am certain now, that I don’t want that to be true.

One day, when i know myself and I trust myself, I will let someone touch me again.

Seven Months

Since I've had sex. This is the longest I've gone by far since I started when I was 15.

I have a very complicated relationship with sex, and I don't know if I'm prepared to write on it just yet. However I can say that he made so many things worse: shame, humiliation, and ridicule - among other things.

I was certain, back in October when we first ceased contact, that I would never have sex again.

I am not ready, but I am certain now, that I don't want that to be true.

One day, when i know myself and I trust myself, I will let someone touch me again.

Funny Survivor Stuff

I have an interview in an hour.

You may or may not know that i hate my job and have been desperate to get out for some time.

Plus he knows where I work and if I change employers that will be one less place he can find me.

So this should be a good thing right?

I'm so filled with dread and anxiety i have been standing naked, dripping wet in the bathroom after my shower willing myself to get ready for the last 30 mins.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I have entered a loose “thing” with a woman.  And it has served to highlight that I am a fucking basket case.

Should probably stick to the whole dying alone plan.

Unwanted Visitor

Tw - csa;

I melted down today.

My uncle who decided to stick his tongue down my throat when I was 13, and asked me if I wanted to fuck my uncle is coming to visit. And staying with my parents. I currently live with my parents.

My folks were not aware of the shit he did. My mother asked me how I felt about him coming and i said that I didn't know. Then in a moment of .... Fucking ... Something i told her he'd been ' inappropriate ' with me. And i would not be staying with him while he was there.

She responded by insisting i talk about what happened - I didn't. And when I said I was a little girl she said " well, you weren't that little... "

I.... Cant. I have barely enough cranial to deal with one crisis. I cannot handle another situation now.

I also haven't worked through this one at all with a therapist. It was buried real deep. REAL DEEP. Under a great deal of shame - because i think i told him that i did, i may have flirted back and feel somewhere that this was something I had asked for.

Fucked up relationships with men? Gosh, wonder where that came from...