Cecropiacrown - FengQing Hell

*mwah* :>

Day 1 of what I like to call “pookietober”, aka I doodle whatever fan art I want every day for a month

Feng Xin has a cute sleepy face once he actually relaxes

it's actually not ridiculous, out of the question, out of character, or a "plot hole" for feng xin to have had sex with a woman despite his fear of them and in this essay i will

My wip Wednesday contribution for our beloved fengqing 🩷 ft. secret relationship fengqing 👀

[Modern au/hotel setting

Mu Qing wakes with a start. He's sharing a room with Xie Lian. It's a nightmare. A really, really bad one. He's shaking, gasping for air. Xie Lian was still awake and goes to him, Mu Qing is panicking. He can't stop. He can't get it out of his mind.]

“A-Xin.”

“You--you want me to get A-Xin for you, A-Qing?”

“Yes."

“Yeah, yeah--yes, I will grab him. I can go get him-”

Mu Qing is sobbing, gripping tightly onto Xie Lian's sleeve and shaking his head. He can't be alone right now. No, he would go crazy.

Xie Lian shushes him, cooing sweetly. He convinces Mu Qing to let go of him so he can grab his phone and call Feng Xin instead.

Feng Xin answers groggily but as soon as Xie Lian says Mu Qing’s name, he sounds fully awake and Xie Lian can hear him stumbling out of bed.

“Don't leave him, I'll be right there.” And he hangs up.

Mu Qing does not like being touched. The fact that he's grabbing onto Xie Lian's sleeve is shocking enough. Xie Lian knows better than to try to touch him, but the sight of Mu Qing hugging himself, shaking and sobbing is absolutely heartbreaking. Unable to do much else, Xie Lian decides to model some calm breathing to help Mu Qing regulate. Mu Qing, although his eyes are squeezed tightly shut, does his best to copy Xie Lian's slow breathing, but it's difficult. The small whimpering sounds that shudder out of him make Xie Lian's heart ache.

The knock on their door comes much sooner than Xie Lian imagined it would.

When he succeeds in convincing Mu Qing to let him get up to answer it, he opens the door to the sight of Feng Xin still in his sleep clothes and looking a bit ragged. He's breathing so heavily Xie Lian realizes he must have ran here.

As soon as Feng Xin sets eyes on Mu Qing, he's bolting over to him, pushing past Xie Lian and only giving him a cryptic moment of eye contact.

Feng Xin hits the bed and sits, his voice unbearably gentle as he calls out to Mu Qing.

“Qing-er, I'm here.”

As quickly as the words are out of Feng Xin's mouth, Mu Qing's arms are tightly wrapped around his neck and his face is pressed into his shoulder as the sobs rip through him.

Xie Lian has already closed the door at this point, standing a bit awkwardly to the side. His hand dashes up to cover his open mouth as he stares at the scene before him. Feng Xin wraps his arms around Mu Qing's waist and pulls him close, a hand finding its way through Mu Qing's sleep-mussed hair.

“Which one was it, Qing-er?”

Mu Qing holds his trembling hands up between his and Feng Xin's chests and Xie Lian sees the strain he has to use to clench and unclench his fingers. “It hurts.” he sobs, “It hurts so bad, A-Xin, please--”

“The fire one-- it's okay. It's okay, Mu Qing. I'm here. I have you.”

Feng Xin encloses Mu Qing's hands with his own, as tenderly as possible, his eyes laser focused on Mu Qing's expression. Mu Qing winces, just barely, and clamps his mouth shut on another sob.

“It's okay, Qing-er. I'm right here. I promise you're okay. I know--oh, I know, baby. I know it hurts.”

Baby?

Xie Lian can't help but feel as if he's intruding on this private moment between his best friends. His best friends who have always regarded each other with intense animosity at the worst of times and determined rivalry at the best of times. His best friends who are… embracing each other. His best friends who are suddenly using nicknames for each other when they never have before-- and Feng Xin just called Mu Qing baby?

There is a lot to unpack here, but now isn't the time.

Xie Lian slips into the bathroom and grabs a clean washcloth from the towel rack and runs it under cold water. He squeezes out any excess, steeling himself for a private, quiet moment in the bathroom before he heads back out to the bedroom.

He walks back to the sight of Mu Qing trembling quietly with tears streaming down his face as Feng Xin cradles his hands close. Their foreheads are resting against each other as Feng Xin whispers encouragingly to Mu Qing. Neither of them notice Xie Lian, or at least that's what Xie Lian tells himself when he sees Feng Xin pull back to place a kiss on Mu Qing's hairline. An act so smooth and so easy, he must have done it countless times.

Xie Lian cautiously approaches the bed and offers the wet washcloth to Feng Xin. Their eyes meet and Feng Xin's expression turns complicated--pained. From the look in Feng Xin's eyes, Xie Lian knows they will need to talk later. But for now, their focus needs to be on Mu Qing.

Feng Xin takes the washcloth and gently lays it over Mu Qing's trembling hands. The other man clenches his teeth and a low, wallowing groan of pain rattles up from his throat. Feng Xin's lips are on Mu Qing's hairline again, and he murmurs quietly against the sweat-slick strands, “Shh, I know, baby. I know. It's okay. See?”

He presses their foreheads together again and brings Mu Qing's hands further up into the other man's view.

“See, sweetheart? You're okay.”

“I'm okay.” Mu Qing whispers back, sounding unconvinced.

my personal hc is that mq has had feelings for fx since they were mortals but combined with literally everything that happened and also his personality he just repressed it and tries his best not to remember that he feels that way (we all know how mu qing deals with his feelings)

in contrast, i think fx has always cared for mq and mq has always held a special place in his heart (they got the rival thing going on) but it is not the same way that mq feels, nor is it explicitly romantic. i think he figures out way later (post canon and slowly healing and moving on from jian lan (who i know he genuinely loved)) what mq really means to him (and also that he has had a type this entire time)

i definitely explore this idea more in a modern au setting but that’s what i thought abt when making this