I Feel That So Much

I feel that so much

BPD culture is feeling so empty every day and feeling stuck in the same boring/annoying routine and wanting to end it all at once but being too scared to do it.

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I am tired of ppl that tell ppl with mental health to get over it work through it your no different like shut up you don't know what's it like in my head they just want you to get over so they don't have to deal with you

BPD culture is realising that no matter what you do the people around you and who you love and care about will always end up feeling like they need to walk on eggshells around you, no matter how hard you try to minimise or control or regulate your symptoms, because eventually you will show your symptoms because you cant hide and mask forever, and when that happens everything will be ruined.

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I am tired of ppl that tell ppl with mental health to get over it work through it your no different like shut up you don't know what's it like in my head they just want you to get over so they don't have to deal with you

TRIGGERWARNING. detailed Borderline Episodes.

Imagine you have a good day, you feel euphoric, no one can hurt you. Why are you in therapy again? Your life isn't that bad, its fun, right?

Snap

Oh. You don't feel anymore? Hm, same old numbness. What now? What should you do? Its stressing you out at some point? Why can't you feel anymore? You do want help, want to reach out.

Snap

No. You don't need anyone. Who cares anyway? They will leave. Everyone does. You don't need anyone, you have yourself. Fuck people.

Snap

Why do you start to cry? You probably don't know. Then everything crashed down, and you end up scream crying. Why is there nobody to help? Why you? Why can't you feel normal? Everything hurts. Your body hurts physically. Headache, dizziness, stomach pain, chest pain. You feel like you explode. Your skin feels like burning.

Maybe you get self-destructive. But it doesn't hurt. Everything else does.

Snap

You hate anyone. You truly do. You hate them, you hate yourself, you yell and hit walls and start to cry only to laugh in the next moment. Why? Why? Why? It repeats in your head. Selfhate, words of others, it doesn't stop. It never stops.

Repeat.

Every day.

Borderline is a serious mental illness. It causes death. It causes pain. Much more pain individual's without Borderline CAN'T imagine.

Oh fuck, and I am sick of it.

I know, and you know it too. There is just that fat ass hill we need to climb up, to get actually better. But where is the path? Does it really exist? How? How do we get there? How long can we stay up there? Will someone push us down again?