TRIGGERWARNING. Detailed Borderline Episodes.

TRIGGERWARNING. detailed Borderline Episodes.

Imagine you have a good day, you feel euphoric, no one can hurt you. Why are you in therapy again? Your life isn't that bad, its fun, right?

Snap

Oh. You don't feel anymore? Hm, same old numbness. What now? What should you do? Its stressing you out at some point? Why can't you feel anymore? You do want help, want to reach out.

Snap

No. You don't need anyone. Who cares anyway? They will leave. Everyone does. You don't need anyone, you have yourself. Fuck people.

Snap

Why do you start to cry? You probably don't know. Then everything crashed down, and you end up scream crying. Why is there nobody to help? Why you? Why can't you feel normal? Everything hurts. Your body hurts physically. Headache, dizziness, stomach pain, chest pain. You feel like you explode. Your skin feels like burning.

Maybe you get self-destructive. But it doesn't hurt. Everything else does.

Snap

You hate anyone. You truly do. You hate them, you hate yourself, you yell and hit walls and start to cry only to laugh in the next moment. Why? Why? Why? It repeats in your head. Selfhate, words of others, it doesn't stop. It never stops.

Repeat.

Every day.

Borderline is a serious mental illness. It causes death. It causes pain. Much more pain individual's without Borderline CAN'T imagine.

Oh fuck, and I am sick of it.

I know, and you know it too. There is just that fat ass hill we need to climb up, to get actually better. But where is the path? Does it really exist? How? How do we get there? How long can we stay up there? Will someone push us down again?

Bpd culture is wanting a relationship so bad you split when your couple friends r in love and shit but knowing you’re way to unstable to be in one so you go through cycles of “I’m dying alone it’s the only way” and “Gods PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me have a love”

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tired of self-sabotaging myself

I am tired of ppl that tell ppl with mental health to get over it work through it your no different like shut up you don't know what's it like in my head they just want you to get over so they don't have to deal with you

bpd culture is not feeling like you even have a personality?? like who tf am I? what are my values? am I the worst human ever or the best fucking person on this planet??

I guess who I am depends mostly on who YOU are, cause my only personality trait that seems to be consistent is that I can adapt to others without even noticing it

I'll be anything you want if that means you won't hate or leave me

makes it easy to make people like me on a surface level, but it's kinda manipulative and fake I guess? but it comes so natural to me that I almost don't notice it?

I feel so so lost and I always thought by 26 I would have figured out who I am and what I want but guess what bitch you're still here pleasing everyone else and wondering what it is that you yourself truely want and need, and also whenever you try to connect deeply with someone they sooner or later notice that your values and standpoints and character change SO DAMN MUCH?? I can be convinced of something one day and then say the opposite thing the next, and it's so frustrating for myself and others and sometimes I don't even wanna share a thought or an opinion anymore cause I know damn well I will probably think differently soon and feel fake and weird and like a lying bitch, and people close to you never know when to take your words serious cause things. just. change. SO QUICKLY with me and I jump from black to white in an instant

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BPD culture is realising that no matter what you do the people around you and who you love and care about will always end up feeling like they need to walk on eggshells around you, no matter how hard you try to minimise or control or regulate your symptoms, because eventually you will show your symptoms because you cant hide and mask forever, and when that happens everything will be ruined.

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