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Missing Out

group : ateez

pairing : dilf!mingi × reader

genre : smut

wc : 4.1 k

tw : mdni, explicit smut; daddy kink, teasing, dirty talk, age gap (mingi's like mayhaps at least a decade older, but both are still within legal limits), thigh riding, spitting, alcohol consumption (not to the point of being drunk, it's just for vibes and... spitting lmao),

a/n : frfr i hope he doesn't see this fic because God i would not be able to defend myself. tbh i planned on posting this on mingi's bitthday but i got shit happening to me. shit without my consent and I'm just trying to ride the stress like gandalf hopped up on cocaine riding smaug. so ykw i decided to post this on my birthday instead lmao. special thanks to @kitten4sannie for listening to me drop some ideas while i was on a road trip, i did some adjustments but it's still sexually frustrated dilf!mingi this fic is finally out so i hope you and everyone enjoy it <3

a/n/n : i take no responsibilities for any calf cramp that may or may not happen but alyssa, i still blame you for the great leg cramp at ass o'clock

a/n/n/n : my birthday sucks because it felt more like public service than anything but i got ticket to go to singapore again so i'll be reunited with my little brother and little sisters soon✌️ i'm raising money for my mental wellbeing which is so totally code for i'm trying to find a way to make my shituation better by making myself just the slightest bit happier after today's shenanadoodles

buy me coffee ?

After the day Mingi had, the cold drink in his hand felt like the reward he deserved. It was only then that Mingi realized why people always say that the Family Court is rough. Still, of course, it was extra rough for him because his ex-wife, the horned creature incarnate (a goat, not the devil), had dragged his name through the mud just to get the maximum alimony because she was a narcissistic bum with no life skill to fall back to as if Mingi was the one who told her to quit her job as a dental hygienist when they first got married.

During the mediation meetings and court proceedings, she took all of the potshots she could While no one took her seriously, it still pained Mingi because the more she and her lawyer attacked him, calling out all of his insecurities and questioning his character, the more obvious it was that Mingi had wasted 9 years of his life on this loser and he missed out on all of the marital milestones. The main sore spot was having kids. She argued that putting her body through pregnancy was out of the question because there were risks that could cause her body to look weird in the future and it's inhumane how a woman's body had to contort in such a way to accommodate another living being. But when her breast implant popped when she slammed the car door too hard, it was 'a normal occurrence'.

As much as his friend Yunho told him not to, Mingi couldn't help but wallow in the time he absolutely WASTED on the bitch only to be screwed over. The only good thing that came out of the divorce was the fact that he got out of it without having to pay alimony because his ex-wife had become too cocky with her cards. But still, Mingi had to give her the car, the savings account (that wasn't much compared to anything considering she had drained it to accommodate her filler addiction and alcohol dependency), and Tony Son, their personal trainer, the one thing Mingi could credit her because she had been the one who introduced him to the man who was able to sculpt his body to perfection.

"Is this seat taken?"

Mingi snapped his head to the side to see a woman younger than he, dressed in a tight-bodiced red sparkly dress that showed just enough cleavage for it to be classy rather than trashy and the A-line satin skirt stopped just three fingers width atop her knees. Slowly, Mingi nodded and gestured to the seat on his right side wordlessly. It wasn't until the woman flagged down the bartender and ordered her drink did Mingi questioned why she sat next to him when there were other seats in the bar.

"So, are you alone?" she asked, striking up a conversation with Mingi which honestly caught him by surprise because he had been told that he had a resting bitch face that doubled in intensity when he wasn't in the mood and he was doubling in his bad mood. "Yeah... I am, so..." his words allude to him wanting to be alone, but there was something about the person next to him that intrigued him so much so that his eyes seemed to be glued to her. Just the sight of her drinking her vodka cranberry made Mingi's eyes travel from her face down to her lap, watching the way she moved so gracefully. "So... You don't mind my asking why a man as handsome as you are would be sitting alone with a scowl on his face," she pointed out, forcing Mingi to consciously unfurrow his eyebrows and fake taking a sip of his drink, "I'm not scowling, I'm just tired and pissed off for wasting 9 years on a selfish bitch that deprived me of anything I want in life," he spat venomously, even the slight mention of his ex sent a really unpleasant taste in his mouth. "I'm so sorry to hear that. Anything I can do to help?" She pouted, inching closer to Mingi as somewhat of a signal. Noticing this, Mingi scoffed and shook his head but he still entertained the woman, "Got a time machine to help me undo the past 9 years?" "No, but maybe I can give you what your ex couldn't."

You couldn't help but bite your bottom lip when the look of shock on Mingi's face melted into intrigue. You had been watching him for an hour, sitting all alone, nursing his one drink as he toyed with his ring before chucking it into his breast pocket. Thank God he did because you were not about to approach a potentially spoken-for man. It took you a while to get substantial evidence of his status and it wasn't just because you were distracted by his plump ass in those slacks and the matching suit jacket and slightly unbuttoned black dress shirt didn't help your case.

"Little girl, I think I'm a bit too... Far for your reach," Mingi pointed out, raising an eyebrow at you as he wasn't sure that you knew what you were offering him. Mirroring him, you raised your eyebrow and shifted so that you faced him fully as you raised one leg and cross it over the other, successfully inviting Mingi to get a glimpse of more skin. "You don't know me or what I can do, sir," you smirked challengingly, now openly inviting him to poke you further.

You were delighted when you saw Mingi's jaw clench and throat bob after you called him sir. It was proof to you that Mingi had some sort of inclination of being in control and his little confession about not getting what he wanted from his ex-wife might be a glimpse of the kind of fun you could get from him. So without hesitation, you decided that you were going home with him.

Surprisingly, Mingi responded positively by leaning in to cup your chin and pull you close, just a wispy breath away from having your lips meet and you so desperately wanted to taste his because they just looked so damn juicy and plump. "You don't want to know all the things I've been deprived of... Baby." Your eyes darken and your legs crossed tighter to suppress the sudden arousal washing over your core, excited at the confirmation that Mingi was playing into your games just as you had wanted. All you needed to do was lock this down. So you let your hand lay on his thigh, squeezing it suggestively and enjoying the feeling of his muscle tensing underneath you each time your hand slid closer to his crotch to the point that your nail was scratching the inner side of his thigh just right. Despite being physically affected by you, Mingi still maintained eye-contact, daring you to poke his button just right.

"Yes, I do... Daddy."

In the blink of an eye, Mingi smashed his lips on you and all of the oxygen was knocked out of your lungs in one go. His lips were soft but the way he used them was rough yet calculated. You could taste the smoky whiskey on his tongue as he slipped it inside your mouth. Little did you know, he too, was enjoying the way you tasted. Your lip gloss had a sweetness to it that made him wonder if you're the type to plan things or if it was just a happy coincidence. He also took note of how you allowed him to lead you and the more he asserted himself onto you with every nibble of his lip and every caress of his tongue, showing that you're more on the submissive side and he likes it. A lot. The more you felt pleasure, the more you pleasured him back as evidenced by your hand rubbing against his raging boner.

Mingi smirked at the way you whimpered when he finally pulled away from you to slap a couple bills on the counter before he got off the stool, pulling you along with him. You wobbled slightly but Mingi immediately pulled you flush on his chest and despite having just made out with him, you found the gesture very hot. "Wanna go see if you can keep up with the list of things I missed out on?"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Mingi must be some kind of a business owner because no way he would have had a rather impressive office where you found yourself in. Well, on top of him on his couch, grinding your panty-less core against his thigh with your top down, allowing the older man to ogle at your tits as you tried to make yourself cum.

"Is that the best you can do?" Mingi taunted, circling his crystal glass which produced a tinkling sound from the ice in the drink he poured as soon as you reached his home. "Daddy, I want you to touch me," you whined but your hip was still relentlessly moving after making a big deal of how his thighs were so strong and you wanted to sit on them like a throne. So instead of just sitting, Mingi told you to make yourself useful and prep your pussy without his help and he wanted you to do it by riding his thigh. His thick, glorious thigh. "Don't you want to touch me, daddy?" you teased, cupping your boobs and tweaking your own nipples whilst throwing your head back, making a show out of it just to get Mingi to touch you. Sure, Mingi was intrigued, but he knew damn well that he was holding the reigns and he had to hold himself back from jumping at the opportunity to completely ravish you too soon. "I do, baby, but you're being a brat right now and refusing to listen to me. Had I wanted that, I would've stayed with my ex-wife." Your head snapped back up at the mention of his ex-wife and you glared at his smug smirking face, "You have me half naked on your lap and you still mentioned your ex-wife?" you gathered your skirt in your hand, exposing your cunt to Mingi's eyes and slowed your pace to a prolonged drag that left long, dark stain courtesy of your arousal.

Finding your petulance adorable, Mingi chuckled and pulled you in for a searing kiss with one hand cupping your chin and the other slapping you on the ass as if telling you to speed up your movement. "You're an adorable little doll and I'm gonna break you," he muttered against your lips before you could reply to him, Mingi tugged your hair back as he casually took a sip from his drink. The action made you yelp and Mingi swiftly leaned over and spit the drink into your mouth and clamped your jaw shut. "Swallow," he commanded and as you came down from being surprised, you stared into Mingi's eyes. At first, you only stared at him, feigning defiance just for fun and Mingi found that both intriguing and annoying. His grip moved to tightly grasp your jaw and he growled, "Swallow. It." He demanded in a stern voice that made your panties more damp as your cunt clench, leaving you unable to do anything more than whine and swallow the burning liquid. Mingi found you very mesmerizing even on an act as simple as you taking heed of his words. The stray spit and alcohol that trickled from the corners of your lips enhanced the glimmer of your smudged lipstick and lipgloss combo, turning Mingi on with how effortlessly sultry you looked. He was down and he was down bad. He wasn't even sure if he was down because Once the liquid was no longer there, you rolled out your tongue to proudly show your obedience and Mingi let out a shuddered breath seeing you just blindly following his orders like the good puppet you are.

"Fuck, you're gonna be the death of me."

In a flash, Mingi flipped you both around so that you were trapped underneath him with your head strategically on the armrest. The elevation allowed you to watch as Mingi dragged a hand down your body as if you were a work of art. "All this time... I was missing a lot all this time, that bitch took nine years out of me and gave me nothing," Mingi shuddered both in anger and in arousal. The contrasting thoughts between being so angry at his former partner and the excitement of being rewarded by being able to ravish you felt like waves crashing inside him. It was thrilling. It was exciting. It got his adrenaline pumping and God, he felt alive. "Poor baby," you purred all the while slowly popping the buttons of his dress shirt off to reveal the soft skin underneath, "You're so frustrated, It's a good thing I'm here now huh?"

You swung your leg up and used the tip of your toe to tilt Mingi's chin upwards maintaining a somewhat neutral expression but the twinkle in your eyes indicated clear intrigue. "Tell me all the things you want to do. What do you want most?" the question made Mingi roll his eyes back and he grabbed your leg by your ankle. "You nasty slut, you want to have an older cock so bad you're enticing me with empty promises, huh?" He mumbled against the skin of your leg, trailing his lips down from the heel and lower to your calf as his body followed down until he eventually stopped at the mid-section of your inner thigh. You helped him by flipping your skirt up, exposing your cunt wholly to him and slotting the leg you lifted on his shoulder, "Empty promises? I want to give you whatever you want daddy, and in order for me to be able to do that, I need to know what it is."

Thinking that he had nothing to lose anyway, Mingi smirked and decided to test you. "I want a baby," he stated, "I want to put my baby in you," he said oh so casually as if he hadn't had his fingers poking and prodding your cunt like they just belonged there. Truthfully speaking, Mingi was expecting you to push him off and ran away screaming because what kind of a hookup just casually dropped a bomb as big as he did?

But it seemed like Mingi's luck was turning around for the better because you replied by reaching forward to free his cock from his pants, trying as best as you could to suppress the surprise at Mingi's size (but failing as evidenced by the way your eyes bulged slightly and your tongue peeking out to lick your bottom lip in hunger) before you leaned back and opened your legs widely as an invitation for him. "Then do it, fuck me so hard and dumb and deep that I'd have no other choice but to have your baby," you smiled up at him. Mingi could only stare at you in shock initially, not really knowing what you meant until you whined and pulled him closer using the leg that was hooked on his shoulder. "Daddy, don't make me wait too long. Come on, put a baby in me!" you pleaded, cunt throbbing with eagerness to feel Mingi's cock stretching you now that you already caught a glimpse.

The shock melted away from Mingi's face and even as he was guiding his cock to your core, he was still carefully watching your face, not wanting to waste any twitch or shift in your face from feeling him but also he was trying to be careful in case you showed him any indication of regret or if you changed your mind. But the way you whined and rolled your hips so your wet cunt could meet his cock more gave him the green light.

"You dirty slut," Mingi grunted before he shoved his length inside you in one fluid movement. The accumulating arousal from you riding his thigh provided proper lubrication but his sheer size was not something you're used to so your body tensed up at the impact. "F-fuck, daddy, y-you-" "Am I tearing you apart, baby? Are you being split into two on daddy's fat cock?" he asked in faux worry that was just him being condescending towards you. But you don't care, you found it hot even when he talked down to you as if you were nothing but his plaything. "Yes, yes, daddy, I'm being split open on your cock but I love it! I love it so much!" you moaned, hands clawing at his skin, causing red streaks to appear from the pressure of your nails, "Fuck, I want more!"

With that, Mingi pushed your legs up by your thighs, exposing more of your lower half to him. "Be daddy's good girl and hold these open, I wanna see your pussy taking my cock raw," he hissed, eyes zeroing on the way your puffy lips split open to accommodate his size. Carefully, as if assessing a great piece of art, Mingi watched attentively The view almost brought tears to his eyes but he channeled the somewhat endearing moment into fucking you stupid into the mattress.

Each drag of Mingi's cock felt like fire against your inner walls. Although there was a slight discomfort with each movement, the added pleasure of being filled like you had never before made you addicted.

If you thought you were enjoying yourself, Mingi was very close to combusting and he was trying his best to not cum too soon as he didn't wanna be branded as the geezer who came too early. But he couldn't help it, not with the way both his ego and his cock were stroked. It was as if you were made for him and he felt that the moment he entered your sopping cunt. So Mingi shifted his focus to you instead, working to get you to cum first.

"Come on baby, cum for daddy. I need you to cum first so you'd be ripe and open for me to fill you up," Mingi huffed, pressing his pointy nose against the junction of your neck that sent tingles down your spine, "We need to do our best to make sure that you'd be good and pregnant, right?" The weight of his words caused your head to spin as the thought of him filling you full for his own pleasure filled your mind. "Yes, yes daddy, make me cum please," you whined into his ears, your body reacting almost automatically by rolling your hips against his own to match his speed and desire. Mingi growled hungrily and his pace quickened significantly as the impact got harder. You were sure that after this your ass would be different shades of red and blue but you couldn't care less. Especially if Mingi wanted to do more rounds with you, you'd gladly wear the bruises like a badge of honor.

"Fuck, you're so hot like this, you're so hot when you're willing and submissive for me," Mingi grunted, even verging on whining into your ears because you just felt so good to him but he held firm, "Are you close, baby? Are you cumming soon?" Lucky for him, you nodded hurriedly, confirming that you were close. Your brain had been marinating in the dizzying arousal that it was embarrassingly quick for you to nearly reach your climax in a rather short time. However, your response was deemed lacking to Mingi who wanted to hear a verbal response from you. Mingi was quick to slap you hard on your left tit as a punishment, feeling the need to chastise you for simplifying your response.

The words died on Mingi's tongue and his hips sharply halted to a stop when he saw you yelp and shudder before coming completely undone underneath him, writhing pathetically as your nails grazed his skin, leaving red streaks for Mingi to show off for days on end. His eyes darken when he saw tears pooled in your own eyes before dropping, creating the illusion of your eyes sparkling which served a rather complex combination of innocence and sinful. "M-M- Daddy," you whimpered in almost a hushed tone, barely comprehensible but to Mingi the sound was thunderous in Mingi's ears, ringing, because his baby girl needed him. His baby girl wanted him. His baby girl who's willing to give him anything he could ask for was longing for him. So who is he to deny you?

Seeing you in such a vulnerable state seemed to unlock something primal in Mingi because while you were reeling down from your orgasm, Mingi was instead put into some sort of a trance. His tongue darted out to lick his bottom lip, slightly hoping that he could taste your sweetness in the air, and his hips restarted with a pace so hard and quick, for a moment you forgot that Mingi was a human.

The pleasure from your orgasm tripled with the additional friction continuously given by Mingi whose head was flooded with the thought of truly possibly getting you pregnant from this first time. Not that he was planning on only fucking you once, not after he felt how good you made him feel both emotionally and physically. He was planning to pamper you to death and maybe that was the sexually frustrated side in him but he didn't care, he didn't care how crazy he was because you were the one who made him crazy.

The sound of hips snapping together in a rhythm accompanied by your drunk-like moans sounded like a symphony in Mingi's ears. "F-fuck baby, I'm gonna fill you up now," Mingi grunted, his eyes closing and his forehead dropping to your shoulder, "I'm gonna fill you up with my seed to the brim and you're gonna be a good girl and keep it all in so my baby can grow safely inside of you, okay?" He whispered so intimately against your shoulder that both your lips and cunt wept. You wouldn't be surprised if there was a pool underneath you after you were done and you won't hesitate to ask for more. "Cum, daddy. Cum inside me. Fill me up so hard and full like you promised me!" You whined, your hands snaking around his shoulders to hold tight as the overstimulation caused a tingling pain that made your toes curl while Mingi was getting such a high from his ego being fed.

"Fuck, baby girl, this is it, I'm gonna put my baby in you!" Mingi grunted and thrusted, once, twice, thrice, before his hips stuttered and you felt a gush of warmth spilling deep inside your cunt. The physical feeling of being filled up made your eyes roll into your head and the realization of what just happened made you blush as if you weren't whoring for his cock not 10 minutes ago.

As Mingi slowly came down from his high, his mind cleared up and he was able to pepper kisses from your shoulders, up your neck, along your jawline, and then gently all over your face. The contrast of the sweetness of the older man and the nasty act you both just did made you suddenly turn all giggly and shy. "Aww, come on, are you trying to get away from me?" Mingi smirked, trying to chase another kiss from your lips but you kept dodging him, "That's pretty absurd considering I still have my cock inside of you, plugging you full." Your eyes widened at the vulgarity of his chosen words and you couldn't help but smack him on the shoulder but fail to hold back a giggle, "Don't say it like that!" "Like what? Like the way it is?" Mingi teased, pushing himself up to trail a finger on your stomach which made your breath hitch and your muscle to tense, "I need to make sure you really do get pregnant so you can give me my baby just like I wanted," his voice trailed as his fingers drew patterns on your skin almost lovingly and the nonsensical side of you wanted to believe that he was showing his affection to you. You figured that there was only one way to find out.

Without missing a beat, you took his finger that was tracing your skin into your mouth and start licking around as if it was a lollipop, effectively causing Mingi's attention to shift to your face and his cock to twitch inside you. "Who said we're only gonna try this once, daddy? You're gonna fuck me as much as you like until I'm good and pregnant."

The smirk that bloomed on Mingi's face was devilish and almost menacing, showing his genuine intention to get wamhat he wanted.

"I hope you'd never ask. I'm gonna fuck you all night long and you're gonna be a good girl and take it all with no complaint."

As if you'd say no.

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Lonely Breeze

group : ateez

pairing : poly!yungi × reader

genre : angst, hurt/comfort

wc : 3.1 k

tw : angst, poly relationship, heavy stuff maybe; relationship issues, psychological issues, mentions of blood (injury), mentions of anxiety, ngl I'm just rambling at this point so if this is not your thing, pls skip lol.

a/n : this is why i don't listen to anything produced by mingi. I'm textbook kubler-ross every single time and idk how to feel about it. and yea i wrote this in 2 hours

buy me coffee ?

It had been three days since you ran away.

Can it be counted as running away? You're a full-grown adult with intact mental faculties and 'running away' sounds rather juvenile.

Life had gotten too hard and you were overwhelmed. Despite having wonderful boyfriends like Yunho and Mingi, this time you truly didn't know what to do but you knew that you had to get out of there before you completely exploded.

To be honest, Yunho and Mingi were one of the reasons you had to run away.

It was nothing against them per se but you felt bad for having to always rely on them all the time.

The three of you met on the cusp of adulthood, at a dance academy workshop. The three of you didn't mean to join that joint workshop because each of you was from different area branches of the academy but you all just clicked. From then, you and they planned your lives together even down to which university you three will attend. But it wasn't until nearing the senior year that you three decided to pursue a romantic relationship. You still remembered it like it was yesterday. How you, Mingi, and Yunho join your other friends on a countryside trip to celebrate the end of the 6th semester only to find out that the cabin was at maxed capacity so you three had to rent a small, dusty place on your own. Little did you know, you, Yunho and Mingi had each planned separately to come clean about your feelings. You were the first to confess after having a particularly tiring clean-up session (just so you won't inhale the dust that had accumulated in the cabin), accidentally telling them how you could see the three of you in your 30s cleaning the apartment you will share together. You remembered the dread that washed down on you when Mingi asked what you meant. Like the reliable pillar he is, Yunho was the one who helped you calm yourself down and told you that he could see the same thing, how he felt the same way about you and Mingi. Then Mingi confessed his own feelings and from then on, you three were even more inseparable than you had ever been before.

While it surprised people that the three of you decided to commit to a relationship that was far from orthodox, no one was really fazed. Everyone who knew the three of you had at least assumed you three were sleeping together which was why no one approached either one of you romantically all through university.

Some called it fate, some called it dedication.

You believed in the former more than the latter.

But recently?

You feared that you had trapped them.

Maybe it was a quarter-life crisis but you suddenly felt nauseous at the thought of your life. It wasn't like things were falling apart. On the contrary, the pieces of your life were finally falling into place; you were starting to really shine at work, and you were finally able to start saving whilst resolving some of your financial issues. Your relationship with your boyfriends was even at its peak, there was more love than the three of you ever needed and you three were beyond happy.

Then one day, one day a week ago, things crashed down on you.

You didn't know what it was, you didn't know what caused it, but you suddenly couldn't breathe. You remembered holding onto the bathroom sink while your body trembled, tears streaming down your face like a busted faucet and you couldn't move. The cool bathroom suddenly felt suffocating and the sound of your boyfriends laughing just on the other side of the door felt deafening. It took you a long while to break free from that state and you only managed to do so because Mingi had knocked on the bathroom door asking for you to let him in because he needed to use the bathroom. That night, you found yourself unable to sleep and even finding their presence too much for you to handle even after switching position with Mingi so you could be at the edge. You had slipped away and cried yourself to sleep on the couch, sobbing silently until fatigue took over.

That whole week you were distant until three days ago when you came home from work to see a note on the table from Yunho who let you know that they were out for a bit to get something special for you.

One second you were pouring yourself a glass of water to calm your trembling hands and the next, you were in a train with a duffle bag heading to the countryside, cradling your hand that had a gash and fresh dried blood.

When you arrived at the dark and lonely cabin, you finally broke down, wailing into the emptiness as you hugged yourself in the middle of the room.

Neither of them was aware of what happened.

Or so you thought.

The first person who noticed how distant you became was Yunho. He had sensed that something was wrong since that day in the bathroom. He could never forget the look on your face as you stepped out. Your usually lively eyes were empty and you didn't even react when Mingi pressed a kiss on your forehead. At first, he thought that you might have had a bad day and that you were just not in the mood but as the days passed, you seemed more silent and distant. Yunho wanted to ask what was wrong but he didn't want to make it seem like he was prying so he tried to let you know that he was there for you in different ways; soft touches, words of affirmation, little presents in the form of your favourite drink or plans of going on a trip. He wanted you to have all the space you needed.

Mingi on the other hand immediately jumped into worrying about you. Suddenly he kept texting about your whereabouts and your feelings. He had even asked if he should pick you up early from work and even showed that he was already in front of your building. Mingi knew what it felt like to be all alone stuck in a headspace and it had taken him so long and finally relent, letting you and Yunho pull him out and believing you two that you were there for him. So he wanted to repay all that especially since you were the one who gently washed his tear-stained face and slowly fed him until he regained his own strength. He remembered the pit and he didn't like the idea of you being there.

So when they were met with an empty apartment the day you left, they went into panic mode. The sight of a couple droplets of blood near the broken glass and your work bag thrown carelessly on the couch was enough to send them into a frenzy and sadly, they even turned on each other.

Yunho wanted to calm himself and Mingi down first because neither of them even knew what happened and where you had gone to while Mingi, pointing that out, stated that they both needed to catch you before you could even go far. Then they fought over the fact that they were fighting when they should be looking for you and it ended with Mingi leaving the apartment when Yunho ran into your shared room, trying to charge his phone to see if you had contacted either of them.

Essentially, the three of you were alone at that moment in time. Nothing made sense and none of you had any ways of getting an answer.

You were alone in the cabin, crying your eyes out about... Nothing. You felt stupid for feeling bad over your life that was going rather well and you felt bad for leaving your boyfriends without an explanation. It was simple, you could've simply grabbed the phone and texted either one of them to let them know... Something. You could tell them that you needed time alone. But do you really? You could tell them that you were sorry. But were you really? You could tell them that you were overwhelmed and that they were not making your situation any better by being so supportive. But were they really? You felt like you were not worthy to even send them a text because who the fuck were you to be acting like that and then asking for understanding?

Mingi was running around aimlessly with worry sitting deep in the pit of his stomach. He had gone to several of your friends' places, friends you trusted who wouldn't blab about your disappearance. He hated being in a state of not knowing because he felt helpless. He hated being helpless. Mingi was not a helpless person so he didn't want to be associated with the feeling. First things first, he had to find you. But where could you be? Why had he never taken the time to ask you places you wanted to go to, thinking that you had gone alone because he was too busy with himself. Seeds of doubt planted by the negativity of the situation started sprouting its ugliness. Was your leaving his fault? Was he too self-involved to not have taken the time to dedicate his attention to you once in a while? Was he taking too much of Yunho and your attention? His head hurts.

Yunho, in defeat, slumped against the bed you three shared. Your pillar, your rock finally broke down and with each sob, his mind found it even harder to make sense of things. All the decision in his life was made on a strong foundation, Yunho was a sure man, and he didn't regret the choices he made and the path he took. But was he too sure of himself this time? Out of the three of you, Yunho was always the tie-breaker because he makes his decisions carefully and with logic. He never found any reason to resent that part of him until you left. Did he miss something? Were there signs that you had needed a different kind of treatment? Had he gotten too overconfident this time? Had his so-called level-headedness cost him something important?

Whatever it was you hoped could happen or appear by running away alone never came. Each hour you spent trying to make sense of things or finding a way to calm yourself only made it clear that you were all alone.

Dark thoughts started plaguing your brain, skewing your happy memories into something that was far from reality. The memories you had of banding together into a trio with Yunho and Mingi turned into fear that maybe you had inserted yourself into their friendship. After all, they found themselves together first before you bumped into Yunho and told him how you were alone, effectively guilt-tripping him. The thought of how they have always had your back turned into anxiety that maybe you had leaned on them too much. You relied on them more than you should and now you were a burden to them. The things you told them, should you have told them? Especially the dark ones, the ones that stemmed from your bad mental state. Were you manipulating them without realizing it? Were your promises of the future even really promises? How could you be sure that it wasn't you pressuring your expectations to them?

It had been three days. Were you still alone because they thought you were better off alone? That they too, needed time away from you? Maybe you never needed your own space, maybe it was your subconscious telling you that you needed to give them space from you.

Loud bangs broke the train of thought and the more you came back to reality, the more you recognized the voices.

"Mingi?" you inhaled sharply, seeing the face of one of your lovers on the window as he banged the wall.

Thinking that you were hallucinating, you turned your head away and stood up. There was no way he could be there.

More bangs were heard and when you turned around again, you saw both Mingi who was now with Yunho staring at you from the window.

"(y/n), open up!" Yunho called out.

Normally, you would register his voice as is but your brain, in its unstable state, thought that he was demanding you to let him in. Mingi too, though he was only standing there looking at you, sending knocks on the window as he wanted to hold you once again, your brain took that as him glaring at you and being in fury.

Anxiety shot up and your head shook violently. "N-no..." you whimpered, bottom lip trembling as you took a step back only to trip on a carpet and fall.

The sight of you on the floor caused Mingi and Yunho to abandon all reasons and logic and all they wanted to do was to help you. They started banging and trying to pry the door open, needing to get inside to be there for you but all it did was send you into a deeper spiral without them realizing. Your body curled into a ball while they were yelling for you to open the door. The more you heard them, the worse you felt and before you knew it, you were yelling for them to leave you be, leave you alone, you didn't deserve them.

It wasn't until you started yelling at how you should have never burdened yourself on them that they stopped banging on the door. Their eyes welled with tears hearing the things, untrue things, you hurled at yourself. It hurt them to hear you think so low of yourself like that. You were everything to them, you were something so precious and special and to think that you believe they would be better without you, it was like a serrated knife had been plunged into their hearts multiple times.

"That's not true (y/n), please..." Mingi rested his forehead on the door as his eyes closed slowly, letting tears wet his cheeks, "Please let me in, I... We... (y/n), please," he whimpered.

Looking around, Yunho remembered that the owner of the cabin had told him about a spare key a long time ago. Thinking that it was worth a shot, Yunho was glad to see that there was still a key hidden under the cushion of the porch lounger.

You were too busy bawling to realize that Yunho had opened the door successfully which was a good thing because had you realized, you would have done something stupid like run out into the field in the cold January breeze.

Mingi tried to rush inside only for Yunho to stop him, holding onto his arm as he watched you cry with a broken heart.

"Yunho, wha-"

Wordlessly, Yunho pulled Mingi down to sit in the doorway while maintaining his gaze on you.

Though confused, Mingi followed along, sitting down and looking between Yunho and you.

"We should go in there. She needs us," Mingi said, voice cracking as he shook Yunho slightly, trying to convince him to go inside. He knew he could definitely go inside himself, but for some reason, he felt like he shouldn't.

For once, Yunho didn't give any explanation and just shook his head one more time. Soon, however, his hand took one of Mingi's and they sat there with you with hands linked, waiting for you to... Well, they weren't sure what they were waiting for but they were sure they would understand soon.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You must have passed out from crying because you remembered feeling cold and alone but the moment you came to again, you realized that this time, you were... Warm.

Sitting up, you noticed that the skies outside were dark and when you turned your body around, you saw Yunho and Mingi attending to the fireplace. The cabin was dark save for the illumination provided by the warm fire.

It took a bit of time for your eyes to adjust but when your eyes really focused, you noticed that Mingi was holding onto your favourite blanket that you forgot to bring. How did they even got inside?

For a moment, you only watched them do their thing, comfortably sitting in silence as if enjoying conversation done by the soft crackles of the fireplace.

Mingi felt something on the back of his neck and when he turned his body slightly, he saw that you were staring at him with puffy eyes. His instinct told him to run to you and envelop you in a hug and tell you how worried he was and how much he regretted things that he thought he did. But his better judgement stopped him from making a move forward. Instead, he cracked a gentle smile and ducked his head down, carefully opening your folded blanket as a silent invitation.

Your body moved automatically towards him and before you knew it, you were suddenly sat in between Mingi and Yunho.

While Mingi draped you with your blanket, Yunho made final adjustments on the firewood before he sat down close to you and even moved so that you and he were shoulder-to-shoulder.

You were sure that they were going to ask what happened, what was wrong with you, why you ran away. But minutes passed and all there was was... Silence. You were sure that when you saw them again you'd be anxious because you had to explain yourself but all you felt was a sense of calm. It was rather ridiculous but you could feel the anxiety melting off of your body.

"I'm tired," finally you opened up even though your voice cracked due to how hoarse your throat felt. "I'm so tired," you exhaled as you closed your eyes, your bottom lip trembling once again.

This time, Yunho moved to sidle even closer to you so he could guide your head gently to rest on his chest. "You... Can you find it in your heart... To rest in mine?" Yunho spoke up finally, voice cracking as well. Mingi then moved closer until he was able to wrap his hands around your waist whilst leaning his head on Yunho's strong shoulder, effectively caging you securely between them. "You can rest in our hearts, love," he added, ducking to press a gentle kiss on your shoulder.

Nothing else needed to be said because nothing else should. The three of you had been through so much together in your youth that it felt like you were all alone. But, with the stars as your witness and the fire as your companion, you realized something that was always true. Even lonely, you were always together and your inadequacies made you whole. While pain exists and will always find its way back to remind you of your faults, it allows you to remember who and what you are, but most importantly, what you now have from that.

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♡ trying with changbin

↳ pairing: changbin x fem!reader ↳ word count: 6.5k ↳ genre: smut, non-idol!au, friends to lovers!au ↳ summary: when an ex blames you for his inability to make you come, you turn to your friend for help ↳ warnings: 18+ minors dni! mature topics, the mc has an issue with orgasming, toxic ex!, smut (fingering, use of 'good girl', squirting, multiple orgasms, protected sex) ↳ masterlist ♡ updates ♡ read on AO3 ↳ reblogs and feedback are always motivating and appreciated! ♡

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“So, if you don’t mind me asking, how come you can’t come?” your date, Minjun, asks from across the table, which results in you choking on your drink to the point of your eyes watering.

The couple sitting next to you shoots you strange looks, but the two are the last thing on your mind. Up until this point, the date was going great, and this feels like a huge smack across the face since it comes out of nowhere.

“What?” You can’t come up with anything meaningful, not when your mind is racing. What does he mean by that? And how in the hell does he know about your little… problem? This is just the first date—he shouldn’t know much about you, anyway.

“Uh… Sumin told us about it when you two broke up, bu—” Minjun starts explaining, but you immediately cut him off, furious at the very mention of your ex’s name. Fucking Sumin and his fucking big mean mouth!

“Who’s us?” you ask, giving your date a glare that makes him break out in a sweat. You already know your ex is trash but is he seriously talking about your sex life to numerous people?

With a sigh, Minjun responds, “I’m, I… The guys from the team.”

Oh, great. So, your fucking ex who wouldn’t know what a clit was if it was shoved in his face—which it was, on numerous occasions, he just didn’t know what do to with it—has apparently told his college football team something you told him in private. Fucking peachy. “Excuse me?”

“I’m sorry for bringing it up,” Minjun says apologetically, clearing his throat. “He was angry after you two broke up and didn’t want to accept your explanation of you two not working out because the sex was bad, so he said it was about you… Uh… Not being able to come. Like, of course the sex is bad if you can’t, you know…”

Not five minutes later, you excuse yourself and leave the restaurant, tears of anger stinging your eyes. You make your way to the apartment with clenched fists, fingernails digging into the flesh of your palms, but you don’t even feel it. Did Sumin really do that? He had to, because how else would Minjun even know about the thing?

It isn’t even important because you’re not seeing the guy again, not after he thought it was appropriate to bring up something like that on the first date. You are thankful he mentioned it to you because it just cements the already horrible opinion you have of your ex. However, it also makes you double angry.

After all, there’s someone else on the team who should have told you about this long before Minjun did, seeing as he was one of your closest friends.

“Seo Changbin!” you scream out his name the second he opens the door.

He’s clearly been napping, seeing as he’s rubbing his eyes and frowning, trying to keep the light out of his eyes. To be frank, you can’t give less of a shit about his nap, so you storm into his apartment and turn on your heel, huffing as you cross your arms over your chest.

“This is not the first time an angry woman is screaming at me,” Changbin says in a groggy voice, closing the door and turning around to face you in the meantime, “but I’m not sure what warranted it this time. How can I help you?”

“Why am I just now hearing from Minjun of all people that Sumin shit-talked me and my orgasms in front of the entire team? Where was my great friend Changbin in this situation?” The tone of voice you’re using makes you sound angry, but you don’t care. You kind of are.

Changbin is on that fucking team, and if Minjun said everyone’s there, your friend must have heard it too. If he wasn’t there, he heard it from his teammates. You’re not expecting him to stand up for you, but he could have at least told you about it so you are aware, so you don’t get blind-sighted on the first date with something so… personal.

“Oh,” he breathes, sighing as he takes a step towards you and reaches to touch your shoulders. “Listen, Minjun clearly didn’t give you the whole story.”

“What is it, then?” you spit the words as you move backward, just out of reach so he can’t touch you. Changbin is great with touches—he can easily get you to relax if he tries to, and right now, you don’t want to be relaxed. You’re fuming and you have every right to be. Changbin’s warm and strong hands will not take that away from you. “I’m listening.”

Your friend runs his fingers through his hair, which is messy from the nap he’s been taking. “Sumin did say that, but it was kind of obvious he was just saying it because he got dumped. Plus, I did tell him to shut the fuck up. When the rest of the guys left the locker room, I had a word with him in private, and he’s never mentioned it since, okay?” He pauses to give you a slow nod.

Changbin has this amazing quality of staying calm in tense situations, and his energy transfers to you since you’re suddenly feeling a lot less angry with him. Sumin, of course, is a whole different story.

“And he actually told people I can’t come?” you ask again, even though two men have already confirmed this. There shouldn’t be any doubt this actually happened.

“Uh,” Changbin swallows, seemingly worried, “he did.” The frown on his face tells you he feels pity for you, which is the worst thing he could feel, in your opinion.

“Peachy.”

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t think anyone took him seriously,” he says in an attempt to comfort you, his hand finally finding your shoulder, which he rubs softly. “He’s a loser. Plus, Minjun isn’t any better, so he’s probably the only person who bought the story. I can always beat them both up if you want to.”

The offer is ridiculous and fake, but you can’t help but chuckle at it. “Thanks, Binnie, it won’t be necessary.”

“Did that idiot really mention this whole thing on the first date?” Changbin asks, now scratching his head as he walks away and plops down on the sofa, patting the spot next to him so you can join him, which you do.

“I mean, good riddance,” you huff, feeling a bit sick for even going out with a guy like that. What the hell were you thinking? “I can’t believe at least ten guys know about this. Now everyone thinks he’s some sex god and there’s something wrong with me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you, please,” your friend is quick to contradict, his arm now wrapped around your shoulders as he pulls you back into the sofa in an attempt to get you to relax. The familiar warmth of his touch and the smell of whatever cologne or perfume he has on do just that. “He’s just an idiot. Never understood what you saw in that guy.”

You’re not sure either. It was just his looks. Okay, he could be charming when he wanted to, but as soon as you started sleeping together, all the charm disappeared into thin air. “I’m an idiot, too, I guess.”

“Anyway, my offer of beating him up still stands!” Changbin chuckles at his joke, turning on the TV. “Since I’m guessing you left in the middle of the date, how about we order some food and watch something? You’re not going home all upset over this, I’m not letting you.”

The offer sounds like something you need, so you stay there, kicking off your shoes and snuggling up to Changbin, enjoying the warmth of his body as you focus on the screen.

A while later, your mind wanders to the whole problem with Sumin and the fact that he could never get you to come. Your mind wasn’t in it, and you told him not to worry about you not coming because it was a ‘you problem’. You’re an idiot for ever telling him that. For a while, he tried to make you come, but it just couldn’t happen.

After a couple of minutes, you’d just tell him to stop, and he would, wanting to get something in return. Then, after a couple of weeks, he barely tried at all, already knowing it was doomed. So, you never got to come with the dude, and he was spreading the rumor around and making you think you’re “damaged goods,” which was the exact expression he used when you were breaking things off. Damaged goods. Terrible sounding.

Are you damaged goods, though? You know your only purpose in life is not to please men and orgasm on command, but are you missing out on stuff? It seems like everyone out there can do it, except you. Everyone can have a normal relationship and not go home feeling frustrated after sex, except you. You seem to be the only person in your friend circle that goes home after sex and gets off on their own.

“Binnie, you have sex with no strings attached, right?” you ask him out of the blue, which makes his breath hitch in his throat. You two are close and do talk about sex, but never in too much detail.

Changbin quickly recovers, clearing his throat and responding, “Uhm, I guess. Why?”

“Do you find me attractive?” Your question makes both of you stop breathing for a couple of seconds—you in anticipation of his reaction and him for reasons unknown. It’s a strange question when it comes from a close friend, you’re aware.

“What?” Changbin shoots you a weird glance before looking at the screen again. “Who told you that?”

“No one told me anything,” you chuckle, shaking your head, both of you still staring at the screen. “Just humor me, okay?”

“I… Yes, I do, I think you’re gorgeous,” he admits, his voice shaking by the end of it. “What’s this about?”

“Do you want to go down on me?” The offer leaves your mouth easily, and you don’t feel any shame for asking. It’s Changbin, after all.

“I—What?” This time, Changbin finally turns his head to look at you, even though your head is resting on his shoulder. The look on his face gives off total confusion. “What?!”

“Listen,” you say, pushing yourself into a seating position so you can look him right in the eyes. “I want to show that asshole that he is the problem and that someone else can make me come, and who better than you? Rumor has it you’re the best fuck around. Plus, you’re on the team, so everyone can hear about it and know Sumin just doesn’t know what he’s doing.”

“Wow, best fuck around!” Changbin scoffs, looking to the side, clearly deflecting by focusing solely on the compliment. When you clear your throat threateningly, he continues, “I mean, great, thanks, but… Do you seriously want me to say something like that to the entire team?”

“I don’t care,” you respond, not seeing why he was making a big deal out of it. “They already think I’m a loser.”

Changbin shakes his head and takes a deep breath, acting like he’s tired of you. “Trust me, no one thinks that about you.”

“Anyway,” you sigh, “would you be down for it? I can return the favor.”

Changbin gulps loudly, his eyes wandering from your eyes down to your mouth and cleavage, you have to notice. Is he tempted by the offer? Him, the great Seo Changbin, the college playboy?

“You do know I can just go to practice tomorrow and tell them I made you come without… Actually doing it?” he suggests, careful with his words and tone. The way he’s looking at you tells you your friend is actually serious about it.

“I know, but…” You gulp. “It’s true.”

“Oh,” Changbin says softly, sighing and just staring at you for a while as if he is inspecting you for any sort of reaction, but he gets none, other than a pout. “He really is an ass, then.”

You don’t agree this time because there’s always a possibility that Sumin isn’t the problem. Maybe you are more fucked up than you thought. “I… I’d like to get it over with and not have any more people think I’m damaged fucking goods.”

Changbin reaches out before you can even sigh, his hand gripping your shoulder tightly. “Hey, who told you that? Please, tell me you’re not actually serious about it.”

“I do feel like it sometimes,” you admit. Changbin and you usually have deep conversations when drunk, but you’re not drunk now, and this is more serious than anything you two have discussed—more personal. “Everyone can, except me.”

“That’s not true,” your friend tries to reassure you. “People pretend they can and often fake it, but not everyone can, especially not if they’re not comfortable and relaxed and in the right mindset, so it’s not just you. Besides, if I dated a jerk like Sumin who only talks and thinks about himself, I wouldn’t come either.”

His comment makes you chuckle and you instantly feel a lot lighter than you were just a minute ago. “You’re sweet, Changbin, but I’m kind of losing hope here. It’s not that he didn’t try.”

“He didn’t try hard enough, then!” He shrugs, letting go of your shoulder. “There’s not a thing wrong with you, trust me. You said it yourself, I sleep with a lot of people. I should know, right?”

“Yes,” you say with a nod, wondering if you’d ever get to sleep with someone as experienced and understanding as him. “The… The offer is still on the table.”

Your cheeks are burning at this point, but you want to be clear about it—you do want someone to make you come, and he’s the best choice.

“You’re saying you really want me to go down on you?” Changbin asks as he turns the TV off, leaving you two in complete silence, save for the sounds of your breathing.

“Yes.”

“Now?”

Oh, so he’s thinking about it. Somehow, the realization makes you feel better. “If you want to.”

“If you feel comfortable with me, why not?” Changbin shrugs, getting up and then quickly kneeling right in front of you as you keep sitting on the sofa. “What?”

“Oh, you... You’ll just g-go right for it?” you stutter, making your nervousness more obvious.

“Do you want me to do something else first?” He pauses, looking up at you with a confused look on his face. For a second, it all starts feeling awkward, but then Changbin gives you a smile, the type you’re used to, and you have to smile back.

“Can we, uh, I don’t know, kiss or something?”

“Hm,” Changbin nods with a chuckle, getting up and sitting back on the sofa. “So you want the whole experience.”

“If… If you’re willing to.”

“Absolutely.”

He kisses you, and your entire body sets on fire from the inside, skin burning wherever Changbin touches. He’s doing it hungrily, just like you imagine he does with the partners he chooses for himself, like he does with all those girls who spread rumors about him being great in bed, the girls that keep questioning you about your super hot and sweet best friend. His tongue is already making you wet, and it hasn’t even left your mouth. The rumors have to be true.

“Changbin?” you mutter into the kiss softly, wanting to say something before taking it a step further.

“Mhm?” he hums in response, hand squeezing your thigh gently, and that alone is enough to get you wet. You've been close to him before, you've cuddled and touched each other, but nothing about it was sexual. Today, all of his touches make your insides turn with excitement. “Yes?”

“I… If you’re not able to, don’t worry. I mean, don’t take it personally if I don’t come. It’s not you—”

Changbin chuckles softly, his hand moving up to hook a strand of hair behind your ear. “Don’t you worry about me, okay? You’re not going into this with the mindset of ‘I have to come,’ okay? You just relax and let me make you feel good. Don’t worry about whether you’ll come or how I’ll feel if you do or don’t. Just think about how I’m making you feel.”

“Thank you,” you say with a sigh, wondering where men like this have been hiding from you. It's Changbin so you know it won't be embarrassing—it can't be. Plus, he understands, which makes the whole thing infinitely easier. “I… I just don’t want to disappoint.”

“You can't disappoint me,” Changbin huffs, practically rolling his eyes. “Please, stop worrying about it. You just relax and let me… Do my thing.”

“Can you… Treat me like you usually treat women?” you suggest, knowing it sounds stupid. “I mean, whatever is fine with me. Don’t treat me special because I’m a friend, I mean.”

“In that case, you’re not going home until you come,” Changbin informs you with a grin. Oh, is that what fooling around with him is like? No wonder girls seem to love him. “Now, how do you want to do this?”

You two decide on going to his room, letting some music play in the background, which makes the whole thing as comfortable as possible. Changbin even turns on the fairy lights so it’s not too bright for you. He’s currently kissing his way down your naked body, and your mind is drawing blanks. You’re unable to think about anything else other than the fact that you’re completely naked in front of Changbin, the Changbin, and you’re letting him kiss and caress and grope you.

Everything he touches burns in a good way. By the time his mouth reaches your pubic bone, Changbin has left a long wet trail that leads all the way back to your mouth, which is slightly open so you can hiss and softly moan at his every touch. Your thighs want to clench together, but his torso is between them, stopping them from touching and giving you some relief.

“Can I use fingers first?” Changbin asks, giving you a smirk from between your legs, and you feel like you want to disappear. When you suggested this whole thing, you forgot he’d be face to face with your sex like he is now, looking at it like he’s amazed, inspecting its every nook and cranny.

“This would be a lot easier if you were naked too,” is what leaves your mouth before you can even think about all the possible implications.

“Sure,” Changbin agrees readily and pushes himself off the bed. In a matter of seconds, his clothes are on the floor, and he’s kneeling in front of you completely naked, his cock erect. Does kissing you and seeing you naked turn him on that much? His cock looks really hard, and you feel the need to touch it to check just how hard it is, but you don’t. “Better?”

“Perfect,” you say with a gulp, realizing he’s caught you staring at his dick and that a smirk is plastered across his handsome face.

Changbin moves in until he’s kneeling between your legs, his mouth finding yours. While you two kiss, his fingers finally touch your slit, getting wet, and you moan into the kiss. Changbin doesn’t waste time at all, he doesn’t tease or lead you on. Instead, his fingers are already lifting your hood and rubbing your clitoris right from the very start, applying a lot of pressure from the get-go.

“Fuck,” you mumble, hands around his shoulders as you keep him close to you. It's weird having him this close, your chests touching, faces inches away from each other, lips brushing as you speak. “Fuck.”

“Just relax,” he breathes into your mouth before pecking you, making it seem like this is a thing you’ve done a million times before when, in fact, you two haven’t even kissed before tonight, let alone touched each other's naked bodies. “Kiss me… Focus on the fingers only, think about me, hm? Nobody else.”

“Yes, Changbin,” you agree like a fool, completely out of your mind. You can't say a thing—it already feels too good, and he is just… intoxicating.

Even if you tried, it would be hard to focus on anything other than him. Changbin is not a big guy, but right now, it feels like he’s towering over you and taking every ounce of control. All you can do is spread your legs further and let him play with your clit as you lie underneath him.

The more he touches you, the wetter you get and the more you clench around nothing. As if Changbin feels that, he eases a finger into you, and then another. You hiss, enjoying the sudden feeling of fullness. Somehow, he lifts himself up on his knees, wraps one arm around your waist, and pulls you into a half-sitting position, with your elbows serving as support to keep your back off the bed.

“Want me to move?” you ask, unsure of where he’s going with this, but he kisses you again, his mouth seemingly eager for yours. With every kiss, you want your friend more, and you’re not sure how Changbin is doing that to your head—it's simple fingering. You’ve experienced this many times before, it shouldn’t feel special.

It’s just that his lips are soft and whenever they touch yours, they’re gentle, but when he’s tonguing you, he’s acting needy, humming into the kisses, and the hums are beginning to sound like moans. Thankfully. Otherwise, you’d be the only one moaning here, but it’s impossible not to when he has two fingers inside of you and is curling them the right way, rubbing you from the inside.

“No, no… Stay just like this,” Changbin mumbles into the kiss when you try to sit up fully, the tone of voice he’s using turning you on even more. “Let me know if it feels good.”

And then, Changbin starts moving his fingers so fast you feel like someone’s hit you in the stomach and knocked the breath out of you. Every inhale sounds like one you’d take after being underwater for a long time, and your hand flies to his shoulder, fingernails digging into the skin the same way your teeth are digging into his bottom lip as you try to stifle your loud moan.

Your other hand keeps you up in this strange position, and your eyes focus only on Changbin and the way he’s looking at you. His brows are furrowed over his eyes, and he seems focused on your face too, as if he’s trying to read your feelings through it. You can’t look away—not a single guy has ever looked at you that way while he fucked you with his fingers, or any other way, for that matter.

Despite his pretty face calming you down, your breathing is still heavy like you’ve just run a marathon. His fingers are poking you from the inside in a new way, and you can’t get used to the amount of pleasure he’s already giving you.

Changbin chuckles at that and coaxes you softly, “Mhm, just like that… You feel so ready for dick already. Bet it’d fucking fit right in.”

You want to say something back, but you can’t. Changbin is hitting that spot you always hit with your vibrator, and the dirty talk is doing him all the favors. You two didn’t agree on fucking, but the second he mentions his dick inside of you, you know you’ll let your friend fuck you if he asks. There's no way in hell you’re telling Changbin no, not when his dick looks that good. The man’s perfect from head to toe.

Suddenly, a feeling of warmth washes over your entire body, goosebumps follow soon after, and so does your release. The only thing that runs through your mind when you feel pleasure rush through you is that you can’t believe a man is making you come. “Good girl,” Changbin tells you, and that ruins you. “Look at you coming for me.”

Embarrassingly, you squirt into Changbin’s hand with a scream since it’s the most intense thing you’ve experienced with another person up to date. Your body is still clenching and releasing, but the second you realize you’ve squirted, you push yourself back, away from his reach. “Fuck, fuck fuck, ah—Changbin!”

You sound like an animal in heat—you’ve never made yourself come that intensely, especially not with fingers, and you’re unsure of how exactly Changbin did it. Still, what’s more worrisome is the fact that you’ve made a mess out of his bed without any warning.

“Oh, no, no, where are you going?” Changbin asks with a chuckle, crawling over to you, getting between your legs, and practically lying on top of you so he can pin you down and kiss you, stop you from moving to the other side of the bed. “I told you to relax, and you did. Good. Don’t even worry about my bed or anything like that.”

You scoff, unable to look away when his face is almost pressed into yours, when his eyes are so warm. “How do you always know what I’m thinking?”

“You’re my friend, I know you,” he says before leaning in to kiss you. “Just let it go. Listen, you can come. And you can clearly do it fast and hard. Therefore, it’s not a you problem.”

The realization makes you both smile. You’ve been so preoccupied with his bed and the fact that it’s wet because of you that you forgot the most important part—Changbin made you come. “You are great at this,” you compliment him, hands moving up so you can tangle your fingers in his ruffled hair. “Thank you.”

“I did the bare minimum,” Changbin chuckles and presses a soft peck to your lips. “Want to try some more?”

The question ignites some sort of a fire in you again, and you find it so hard to look away from him. “I… I mean, sure.”

“But?” He gets up on his forearms and smirks at you knowingly, already realizing something is on your mind.

“I only asked you for one, I don’t want to bothe—”

Changbin says your name with a scoff, interrupting you. “Stop, right now. You think touching you is a bother to me?” A shake of his head is enough to show you you’re wrong, but he still continues, “I’m enjoying myself, and I’d really like to see just how many times you can come with someone you trust enough. If you want that, of course.”

“I’d love that,” you say selfishly. You want him to keep going forever if you’re being honest. The line between friendship and lust has to be thin, and Changbin is just skipping over it fully tonight.

Two is the number of orgasms in a row Changbin can give you using just his mouth, you find out that night. Every time he makes you come, you see stars, your abs clench so much they hurt, and your body twists like you’re being electrocuted.

You can’t help it, though, not when his tongue touches you just right—enough pressure to stimulate you, not too much to ruin it. The best thing about him giving head? He focuses on one place instead of moving all around. When your exes went down on you, they’d all switch positions, focus first on the clit, then on shoving their tongue inside of you, and you’d just lose momentum and have to start building it again from scratch.

Not Changbin, though. He’s practically making out with your clit, his chin pressed against your slit, and when he emerges after making you come for the first time with his tongue, you realize his lips and chin are smeared with the remnants of your excitement.

As if he can read your mind, he smirks, “You taste so fucking good, you have no idea.”

The next orgasm is both better and worse—better because of the intensity, worse because of the way your body reacts, twisting and turning more and more each time, leaving you exhausted.

Changbin’s hands keep your thighs in place, spread wide, allowing him easy access to your soaked core. His bed is unusable at this point, you’re sure. You feel how wet everything is under your ass, and you’re sure he’ll feel it later when he goes to bed, but you’re not even going to mention it, scared of him reprimanding you for thinking about it while he’s going down on you.

Besides, you’d be crazy to think about a fucking bed when the hottest person you know has his head shoved between your legs and is moaning into your cunt.

“Fucking Sumin!” Changbin snickers as he suckles on the inside of your thigh. “You were right, he has no idea what he’s doing.”

“Or you just do,” you quickly add. Maybe it wasn’t Sumin or any other guy before him. Maybe it was you, and the fact that you couldn’t relax around men, that you kept overthinking everything to the point of ruining all the fun for yourself. With Changbin, you just don’t have that problem—he’s too good of a friend for that.

Changbin smirks again, peeling his lips away from your inner thigh to respond, “Don’t give me too many compliments, they might go to my head.”

“Dude, your mouth and fingers are perfect, you should feel cocky about that.” It’s true. Even if you didn’t already think he was perfect, you would have started now after feeling his mouth and fingers on you.

“I’m just happy you got to do it,” Changbin says happily, and you know he really is. That’s just the type of friend he is. “Another round?”

Your abs hurt and your thighs are still slightly shaking, but all you can think about is him. So, you shake your head to say no and ask, “Do you want me to, uh, take care of you?”

Suddenly, Changbin goes all stiff, and there’s no smile on his face as he tells you, “You don’t have to.”

“I know, Binnie,” you reassure him. “But I want to.”

“Because you want to pay me back? Because it that’s the case, I do—”

You’re sure he’s going to go on a tangent about him doing you a friendly favor without expecting anything in return and how he doesn’t want you to do something you don’t want to do, but you just have to cut him off. “No. Because you turn me on and you’re hot and you’ve made me feel amazing. I… If you have a condom, we can do it.”

There’s a sudden shift in his behavior, as noticeable as the one earlier. Now, he’s sporting a smirk and looking straight into your eyes as he speaks confidently, “Uh, you’ll have to use a bit more words to convince me you want this.”

“Please, Binnie!” You scoff, but soon realize he’s serious. He wants you to say it. “Okay. I want to fuck you, if you want that too.”

“And if I don’t want it, you wouldn't want it either?” he suggests, the pads of his fingers thumping along your inner thigh, so close to your sopping core.

“No,” you shake your head at him, “I’d still want it.”

“Why?” Changbin asks, making you realize he really wants to hear all of it. Who are you to stay quiet after everything he’s just done for you?

“Because I can’t even imagine what your dick feels like if your mouth and fingers feel this good,” you admit, feeling some blood rush to your cheeks. You notice that his cock twitches at your words, and that gives you a bit more confidence. “Is that good enough?”

“That’s… Wonderful. Can you do better?”

Can you? Not usually, but since it's Changbin and shame just isn't a thing around him, you do your best.

“Hm… Because I want to fuck you? Your fingers feel perfect, but I think you’ll stretch me just right when you fuck me. And I’d love for you to make me come around your dick, too.”

“Sumin is the biggest fucking idiot,” he grunts and gets up to get the condom.

When he gets back on top of you, Changbin kisses you gently before asking, “Sorry, last time. You’re sure you want to fuck me?”

You can’t help but chuckle and cup his face, pulling him in closer for a kiss. “Yes. We already took it here, might as well… Feel each other that way too.”

“Hm, I’d like that,” he hums gently. His expression softens for a second and he begins kissing you slowly. You stay like that for a while until he breaks the kiss and asks, “How do you like it?”

“I trust your judgment,” you say quietly, and then Changbin puts on the condom.

If you thought he was great with his fingers, you think he’s perfect with his cock. There’s no stinging because of the amount of attention Changbin has already given your heat, so he slides right in on the first try. He grunts when that happens, closing his eyes for a second. You think that's the hottest thing you've seen—this big manly guy on top of you with a face scrunched in pleasure because he got to feel you around him. “Okay?” he mutters through gritted teeth.

You hum in response, giving him a slight nod before you take a deep breath. “Feels good.”

“What?” Changbin asks before he slides his cock out and then eases it into you again, clearly trying to get your walls used to his girth so he can start moving freely. Thoughtful, just like you thought he’d be.

“You in me,” you respond with a grin.

For a second, everything stops as Changbin looks at you, his expression softening. Like he remembers what he is here for, he nods and starts moving a bit faster, using his knees as support, elbows on each side of your shoulders, planted firmly on the bed. “Good, that’s how it should feel.”

“How does it feel for you?” You’re not sure why you’re asking this question—you never do. He’s a guy, he has his cock in you, you’re guessing he feels just fine, but something in you has to know. Maybe you’ve realized you enjoy hearing Changbin’s compliments.

“It’s warm,” he notes and shoves his dick into you all the way, this time a bit harder. Then, he pulls out. “It’s tight.” With that, you get another hard slam, which causes your legs to fall open. “It’s wet. What do you think I feel?”

“Had to check,” you hiss the words, feeling your breathing getting faster the faster he moves his hips. He's just rocking them back and forth at this point, and you already feel so full.

“You don't have to do anything today,” Changbin explains with a smile, “just enjoy it.”

You focus on doing that while he fucks you, so you end up kissing him, cupping his face, tugging at his hair, wrapping your legs around his waist while he shoves his cock into you sharply, in a way that makes you moan with each thrust. “You're so good at this,” you compliment him again, and Changbin responds by pushing you further into the mattress and easing his tongue into your mouth while his hips keep bucking into yours.

You're dripping wet at this point and you're sure you got it all over him too, but he's to blame. Changbin is the one who is doing everything right, who moves so quickly, who hits all the right spots, who smells and tastes so good you never want him to stop, even if you already feel like you'll be sore tomorrow.

As if he suddenly remembers what you two are doing, Changbin sneaks a hand between your bodies and starts rubbing your clit, but you stop him by hissing. “Please, I can't,” you mumble, lips practically touching. “Too sensitive, I can't—”

“Thought you wanted me to make you come like this, too,” he hums questioningly but moves his hand away from your clit right away.

“I talk too much when I'm horny,” you explain with a chuckle, which makes Changbin laugh. You really did think you could take another orgasm, that you could go all night, but your body is saying no. 

“Want me to stop?” Changbin suggests with a slight tremble in his voice, and you realize he doesn't want it to end. He didn’t come yet, so that comes as no surprise.

“No. I want you to come,” you say, cupping his cheeks again.

“Can you make me?” he asks with a cocked-up eyebrow, and you gulp, wondering how exactly he wants you to do that. You’re sure Changbin has a lot of sex, so who knows what type of thing he’s used to? More importantly, can you do it for him?

“How?”

“Clench hard,” Changbin instructs slowly, through a whisper. You do as asked, and his cock almost falls out of your hole because the pressure practically pushes it out. “Good girl. Now, unclench and move your hips toward me.”

You do as asked again and let his cock enter you fully again. Even if it seems like a simple movement, it's a lot of work and your core is aching, but Changbin’s soft moans make it all worth it. So this is what he likes—being in someone, and that someone pleasuring him this way.

“Like that?” you ask after you do it three or four times, wanting to be sure you’re doing a good job.

“Go as slow or hard as you want,” Changbin chirps, resting his sweaty forehead against yours, groaning quietly. “It's perfect either way.”

Even though he said both ways work, you decide to go faster and make him come that way, wanting to make him feel as good as he's made you feel. So you start moving faster, clenching harder, moaning with each move you make, and that gets Changbin to make the sweetest sounds as his forehead rests on the bed next to you, mouth right next to your ear. “Just like that, fuck! Feel so tight… Wet… Fuck, keep going, yes—”

You make him come not long after, and thankfully, Changbin doesn't move away from your body. You feel comforted by the weight of his body on yours, by the heat he provides, by the kisses he's planting on the side of your face. After a while, Changbin realizes he’s still on top of you, so he pushes himself off and lies on his back, breathing heavily. “Sorry, it was comfortable.”

“It-it really was,” you agree, reaching out to hold his hand that’s resting on the bed between your bodies. You’re not sure why you do it, but it’s too late to turn back. Thankfully, Changbin intertwines his fingers with yours without a word. Maybe words are unnecessary right now. You both seem to be on the same page anyway.

if you want to support my writing, you can buy me a coffee here and let me know what you think about it here. thank you! ♡

pairing: choi soobin x gn!reader

genre: slow burn, college au, strangers to lovers, social media au + written chapters

synopsis: soobin has been talking to who he thought was his unrequited crush on messages, only to find out through a visit to their coffee shop that it was in fact not them. not only does he meet the real y/n, he runs into their friend yeonjun, an ex friend of his who he has some unresolved issues with. as soobin and the real y/n are getting to know each other, yeonjun and soobin are working through their misunderstandings, as well as trying to figure out who the catfish was.

contains: crack, fluff, angst, profanity, catfish plot.

featuring: sieun from stayc

start date: june 13

end date: january 13

updates: monday wednesday friday

status: completed

notes: i now present my first smau 😍😍 this has been in the planning stage for several and i mean SEVERAL months and i’ve been holding it off. there have been some tweaks to the plot but now we’re here! starting off with my bias my everything my first love my one and only choi soobin <3 thank you to @iyeonjuni and @luvrbin especially for helping me out with this i love y’all 🫶🏻 if you’d like to be apart of the taglist send an ask!

taglist (closed): @iyeonjuni @odxrilove @ifwtyun @iuwon @ijhyo @cherr-y-eji @peachy-yabbay @ameliesaysshoo @sunlightwoo @enhacolor @tyungun @multi4lifer @milkycloudtyg @bluhr @strawberri-uyu @fluffdiaree @misscalcutta @butterflx @cherrybeomgyu @skinnygowon @ilove-jake @feyregels @blahbluhblahbluh @hueofjamjam @wccycc @mnlylonely @seventeeneration @hyukabean @boba-beom @moaberryjjunie @soobmint @tae-ology @voidbeomgyu @hyuntaena @loverhyunn @calumsfringe @7thgyu @ashxxkook @soobsfairy444 @sansluvr @flrtsbin @bibinnieposts @dandelionxgal @whoislouu @ahalya25 @cha0thicpisces @laylasbunbunny @robinsluva @luvsoobs

profiles 1 / profiles 2 / chapter 1 / chapter 2 / chapter 3 / chapter 4 / chapter 5 / chapter 6 / chapter 7 / chapter 8 / chapter 9 / chapter 10 / chapter 11 / chapter 12 / chapter 13 / chapter 14 / chapter 15 / chapter 16 / chapter 17 / chapter 18 / chapter 19 / chapter 20 / chapter 21 / chapter 22 / chapter 23 / chapter 24 / chapter 25 /chapter 26 / chapter 27 / chapter 28 / chapter 29 / chapter 30 / chapter 31 / chapter 32 / chapter 33 / chapter 34 / chapter 35 / chapter 36 / chapter 37 / chapter 38 / chapter 39 / chapter 40 / chapter 41 / chapter 42 / chapter 43 / chapter 44 / chapter 45 / chapter 46 / chapter 47 / chapter 48 / chapter 49 / chapter 50 / chapter 51 / chapter 52 / chapter 53 / chapter 54 / chapter 55 / chapter 56 / chapter 57 / chapter 58 / chapter 59 / chapter 60 / chapter 61 / chapter 62

please do not translate, modify or repost on other platforms.

© fairybinie

boomerang － jake sim!

SYNOPSIS: you and jake sim have always been academic rivals. it was always you against him for top of the class, and jake is sure that you two were made to hate each other. a couple years later when you debut and become an idol, you find yourself talking to him again - but it’s in a group chat with other aussie idols, and perhaps you realise that he isn’t that insufferable. PAIRING: idol! jake x idol! fem! reader GENRE: smau, crack, enemies to lovers, slowburn kinda, idol au WARNINGS: swearing, ignore timestamps, some alr debuted idols r in a group i created laughs, photos of ive’s yujin will be used as y/n only to visualise the outfit / concept  FEATURING: enhypen, lily of nmixx, felix and bang chan from skz, rosé from blackpink, yoon jia, kim doah and kamimoto kotone from gp999 STATUS: COMPLETE AUTHOR’S NOTE: helloooo here is the jake smau as promised!! my first smau for hyung line woooooooo LETS GAUR !! this is going to b a long one (40 chapters most likely!!) permanent taglist will already b tagged and thank u to sophie @chicksung​ for coming up w the title ^_^ 

EQUATION FOR DISASTER, THE SEQUEL TO BOOMERANG IS OUT NOW!

PROFILES: ONE / TWO

ONE － jake?? fanta spiller jake?? TWO － 5th grade science fair THREE － thank you wikihow FOUR － passive aggressive communication FIVE － hangout gone wrong SIX － oscar winning performance SEVEN － praying on my downfall EIGHT － its going down NINE － this is not slay TEN － forget but not forgive ELEVEN － jay my bff TWELVE － eye twitches THIRTEEN － star crossed haters FOURTEEN － silly little people in my phone FIFTEEN － mr bang pd-nim why SIXTEEN － try not to argue challenge SEVENTEEN － 247 what EIGHTEEN － pure luck NINETEEN － shocking development TWENTY － ur not as bad as i thought TWENTY ONE － selca…? TWENTY TWO － think twice? i dont even think once TWENTY THREE － disbandment era TWENTY FOUR － hatred with a capital h TWENTY FIVE － math olympiad TWENTY SIX － hide from the cameras TWENTY SEVEN － rumour rumour rumour TWENTY EIGHT － oh shit TWENTY NINE － buzzfeed quiz THIRTY － giant question mark THIRTY ONE － sunoo best wingman THIRTY TWO － romance what?? no way THIRTY THREE － you remembered THIRTY FOUR － call that chemistry THIRTY FIVE － in a bro way THIRTY SIX － inkigayo sandwich THIRTY SEVEN － high five THIRTY EIGHT － u + me = ??? THIRTY NINE － disbeliebe FORTY － reunion SPECIAL CHAPTER － manager gc shenanigans

EQUATION FOR DISASTER — jake sim!

SYNOPSIS — much to you and your boyfriend jake’s delight, there’s going to be a math championship for idols now. with both of you hellbent on winning, you two decide to be rivals again for just a little while. may the best star-crossed hater win. (the sequel to boomerang.)

PAIRING — idol! jake x fem idol! reader

GENRE — crack, fluff, established relationship

FEATURING — enhypen, kotone, doah and jia from gp999, lily from nmixx, felix and bang chan from stray kids, rosé from blackpink, sungchan and shotaro from nct, jihoon from treasure and various other idols

WARNINGS — swearing, jakeyn being incredibly down bad for each other but also somehow not being able to stand one another, basically stupid idiots jakeyn do math with other idols, mentions of 2FLOP7 (no theyre not back)

STATUS — COMPLETE

TAGLIST — CLOSED

AUTHOR'S NOTE — well this was a spur of the moment decision based on an ask i got but HEY!! boomerang sequel and our silly little jakeyn is back... also theres only one profiles bc im keeping everyone elses profiles the same EXCEPT FOR JAKEYN!! and theres too many idols appearing here so theres gonna be like 5 profiles posts if i did.. lets make it easier for everyone 😭🙏 whos team r u on btw #TEAMY/N or #TEAMJAKE...

PROFILES

ONE — money stealer TWO — back to kumon THREE — #SoobinFakeFan FOUR — calcul(US) FIVE — jakeyn moments SIX — pda but not rlly SEVEN — newsflash EIGHT — awksies (kinda?) NINE — winning era TEN — math + love

꒰ 앤팀 ꒱ FLASH FORWARD — YOON JEONGHAN

"Dancing isn't a sport," Jeonghan once said, which has made you hate his guts since that day. Everyone knows there isn't a day where Freesia's track athlete and dance team member are planning each other's downfall. Somehow your English teacher manages to silence the both of you when she pairs you up for an assignment, and like Jeonghan, he asks you to text him to remind him to finish it by the end of the week. However, that doesn't go according to plan when you accidentally text him on your stalking account, used to keep tabs on Seokmin, his friend. When you deny words about the account, he's smart enough to connect the dots as he strikes up a deal: he'll keep your secret if he can help you get with his friend.

STARRING ▸ athlete! jeonghan x f! dancer! reader (support cast : svt, twice's nayeon, kepler's yujin, loossemble's hyunjin, some of my moots as the dance team)

GENRE ▸ romcom, smau, highschool au, rivals to lovers

CONTAINS ▸ profanities, super mean jokes, kms/kys jokes, sex jokes, the jokes in here are not wholesome 😭, im not a dancer or an athlete so i dont know much sorry !!

COMING SOON | 03/20/24 - tbd

TAGLIST IS OPEN 🏅 SEND AN ASK OR COMMENT ♡

🗯️ when u go to the winner competition but your opponent ate chicken for dinner

❝ WHAT'S THE PLAN? ❞

ONE ▸ destroyer of worlds

TWO ▸ Look at my lawyer Dawgggggg

THREE ▸ delete this before i pull ur dingdong

FOUR ▸ shein_918273645

FIVE ▸ wtv u say freakydeak

SIX ▸ Tickle my brain

to be added !

[ 성훈 ] BLOWING UP MY HEART ꒰ P.SH x F!READER

IN WHICH ?! — Y/n falls down a flight of stairs, breaking her leg. The first thing she does is blow up her friends phone hoping she’d come and find her but fails to notice she accidentally texts an old groupchat with Ahn Seongmin, Huh Yunjin, Hirota Maki, Wang Nicholas, Kim Minji and Park Sunghoon, her ex boyfriend. The friend group broke in half after the two had broken up, sides were made and promises were broken.

genre… smau, fluff and light angst, ex lovers to strangers to lovers, college au

warnings… swearing, my horrible humor, both group of friends are jerks tbh, misunderstandings between the two, mentions of drinking/alcohol, semi-slow updates

featuring… chaewon of LE SSERAFIM as Bai Y/n, huh yunjin of LE SSERAFIM, ahn seongmin of CRAVITY, hirota maki and wang nicholas of &TEAM, kim minji, pham hanni, danielle marsh of NEWJEANS.

release date… 09.25.22

status… completed 10.20.22

ej note… coming out of my break 🙏🙏

disclaimer… this is all fictional!

blowing up my heart (bang! bang!) visualization!

taglist (closed)… @iulrma @jangwonie @cwsana @2bbang-hoon @shinsou-rii @amara-mars @jeonncafe @dasa3040 @kokoiinuts @yenqa @mintydayeon @simjakeissohot @jiawji @msxflower @trsrina @pshchives @lilactangerine @dxlicateee @sunshine-skz @beans-and-jeanes @jeongintwt @naheeyounga @faelyncore @viagumi @hyeunfae @lov3niki @pb-n-juju @ivswonie @melo-diee @notdrunkbutdazed

﹙★﹚PROFILES !! — 001 — 002 — 003

001. best graphic designer | smau

002. you are period uh i am period ah | smau

003. cute boy ethan lee | smau + written (128 wrds)

004. le(e) traitre | smau

005. 4 ur sake | smau

006. heeseung? wya? | smau

007. gatekeep me | smau + written (837 wrds)

008. delusional | smau

009. purge | smau + written (591 wrds)

010. be real | smau

011. hooniez the photographer | smau

012. dani marsh the sports commentator | smau + written (112 wrds)

013. scarier than hoons notes | smau

014. coffee stains | written (283 wrds)

015. iz*ones disbandment | smau

016. L party | smau + written (635 wrds)

017. daeseongs invitation | smau + written (242 wrds)

018. new years in nyc | smau + written (170 wrds)

019. kota’s a real one | smau + written (129 wrds)

020. tiger girl grrr | smau

021. sujin gives ick | smau

022. UR GAY ??? | smau

023. jakeseong | smau + finale

“What did I tell you about distractions?”

“Seungcheol One Shot ”

Pairing: Choi Seungcheol × Female Reader

Genre: second chance romance

Warning: mention of car crash

Word Count: 3.1K

Author’s Note: This was totally impulsive, I randomly got this idea when I was returning back home after classes. Hope I didn’t end it in a weird way. I had a playlist, I made for this. Do let me know your thoughts because I think racer Seungcheol is veryyyyyy hawt.

Happy reading :)

I took a deep breath, perfectly knowing what was coming for me. five years… freaking five years. I’ve been almost waiting for this day every second, anticipating it. But now, the time has come and here I am, inside my car. I took a deep breath, adjusting everything for once. “Are you ready?”

“I need to win. I’ve been waiting for this.”

Once I heard the gunfire, I started driving. I had one thing in my mind, that was to win. I need to win and show how he taught me well. All the memories started flooding inside my brain, “I hope when I will win next time, you would be there standing beside me and cheering up for me” his words felt like echoing in my ears. I didn’t let anything distract me, not even his memories.

“You need to use all your focus on the road, press the accelerator, and then press break after some time, you can start drifting once you are stable enough.” I nodded at his words. “Racing is not very tough but not very easy, you need focus” I kissed him quickly while he was talking, “And now that’s a distraction Shasha” he looked at me, I had his undivided attention, as if I was his everything for now. He leaned closer to me, he took my hand, and placed it on the steering wheel, “you can’t be distracted like this” he leaned closer, his one hand was on me, which was holding the steering wheel and another was the on the window, caging me between him.

“one distraction and you lose focus, which means you lose the race” With each word he was saying, he was leaning closer bit by bit, and the moment he mentioned losing the race, our noses almost touched. I was trying, to focus on him but I was getting distracted by how his hands were resting on mine on top of the steering wheel, “so,” he kissed me, once “Don’t” he kissed me again “Do” and again “this” he kissed me again and looked at me, “ever again” and he kissed me pushing me back. his hand was gripping my hand; his other hand which was on the window, reached my waist and pulled me closer to him, he groaned in between the kiss, asking for my permission for the tongue. My hand went to hold him, so that I don’t fall back but he pulled me closer again.

“you’re the only distraction I have right now but I want us in the podium, standing next to eachother” he smiled and kissed me again.

I was too focused on the track when this memory flooded in. I was hearing the commentary and keeping track of my and Seungcheol’s car subconsciously. I was feeling better every time I completed one lap. Everything reminded me of how I cheered for Seungcheol whenever he would complete one lap and then continue being ahead of others and finally win. One after another lap, I needed to win. I was putting all my trust in myself and so did my teammates.

“You are learning way too fast. You’re not supposed to learn this fast, how am I supposed to enjoy if you learn this fast Shasha” I could hear him while he tried to match my pace. I couldn’t blame him for this, I was always interested in bikes, cars, and speed but never got the chance to learn because my parents were always against it and after meeting Seungcheol, life got better.

Soon, I parked my bike near Seungcheol’s house and got down, I saw Seungcheol, almost throwing his helmet and walking towards me. I couldn't even take one more step when his hands reached for my neck and pulled me for a kiss. His body pressed towards me, and making me almost lean on my bike, but his other hand was on my bare waist, pulling him closer to him. “you’re a fast learner, and pretty attractive in this racer outfit” he looked at me, his breaths hitting my face, “doesn’t mean I would lose you to a random guy, with whom you seemed to have fun talking randomly while driving, what did I say about focus. He was expecting me to answer, which I gladly would, because watching this Seungcheol all worked up because he was jealous was fun. ‘you need to use all your focus on-

Before I could complete the word ‘road’ he kissed me, that was a rough kiss but who was I to complain, I was enjoying it. His fingers doing things to my bare waist, mental note, never wear a crop top then a leather jacket when I am with Seungcheol, he will drive me insane. “me” he said in between kiss and kissed me harder again. Whenever he would be jealous, he would make an excuse but at times he would just kiss me to let me know how jealous he gets at times.

“don’t do that again, I don’t want you to get into an accident, love”

 “Are you saying this because you’re scared of me getting into an accident or jealous to control yourself when I talk to other guys while driving” I was teasing him, he knew it.

“I don’t get jealous, because I am your boyfriend and you’re mine.” He came closer and decreased the distance between us again, I could feel his breaths again. I was ready to kiss him again but then, he stepped back, I was about to let out a breath because of disappointment, and then he put both of his hands on my cheeks right away and kissed me.

“I get jealous because I love you” I smiled in between the kiss

The whole thing could be an amazing win. So, I needed to win.

Every time I completed a lap, the crowd cheer felt nice, all the cheering, everything felt very well deserved because of the hardwork I did till now. I didn’t realize, it was already the last lap, and I overtook the only car which was infront of me, pressing the accelerator and the finish line was a few meters away, I could easily, reach the finish line in a few minutes. I was focused on everything, my focus was on the finish line, that one line, I wanted to complete, to show my parents that I wasn’t some loser.

“You are not meeting him again, that’s it.” I looked at my dad in disbelief, had he not caught me driving with Seungcheol four days ago. I was grounded, being, twenty-three and almost having no freedom to do anything.

“Because you’re leaving today in a few hours, everything is ready. You will go study.”

 “I am not leaving.” He gave me my flight tickets, “Shasha,, don’t you remember how you came injured one time and you lied about it, but come to think about it, you fell from a bike” I wasn’t even injured badly, I got a few scratches. “I can’t see you getting involved in any kind of accident because of racing, so you’re leaving. You can’t do anything” and I had to leave him without words. Somewhere I knew how things could go downhill if I didn’t agree with my dad. He could do any kind of harm to Seungcheol because he knew him and had connections all over the world.

But after I went to Switzerland I started driving, learning with all the hardwork along with my studies. I had one thing in my mind while leaving, and that was to keep the thing alive within myself which was gifted by Seungcheol, because we won’t be having contact anymore. I hated to leave but I had to.

“You can never do anything in this, it’s something which you are doing under the influence of your boyfriend, and this is what you get.”

I always told myself, I could do everything I wanted to. One good thing that happened after dad sent me to Switzerland, was I got better and better in my driving. And driving on this racetrack was the result of my hardwork; representing one of the best teams in less than two years, was something I never thought of. I needed to prove to my parents today that it was all worth, racing was all worth the whole championship. I was all excited to win this race because the car which I overtook was long gone. Few more seconds and I would be standing on the podium.

“Seungcheol’s car crashing because-” I pressed the brakes, without thinking twice. My whole body went stiff, I couldn’t focus on it anymore when I heard those three words ‘Seungcheol’s car crashing’. My car, drifted but I couldn’t reach the finish line, I got out of my car and ran towards Seungcheol’s car, making my heartbeat fast every second I was taking a step towards him.

I couldn’t hold myself anymore and ran towards his car, not caring about other cars passing by at speed. I somehow opened the door of his car and tried pulling him out. Tears were falling constantly. It reminded me of how I was about to get into an accident once while learning and Seungcheol almost crying holding me tight; telling me how he can’t lose me ot the thing he loves the most.  It felt like I was getting a déjà vu except the fact, it was Seungcheol who actually got into a car crash.

 I couldn’t wait for the paramedical team to come, why are they even late? “WHERE’S THE PARAMEDIC TEAM???” I was so annoyed, I couldn’t understand, couldn’t they see the car crash, and about the car crash I very well know who it could be.

Wish I was strong enough to pull him out “Seungcheol” I was calling out his name, but there he was stuck inside the car. Soon the paramedic team arrived and pulled him out. I was feeling numb, everything I was feeling for the past few minutes faded away, all the excitement, nostalgic memories, the passion that I had to win. I wanted to be with him, I wanted to see him, on the podium together, celebrating our victory but didn’t expect I would be meeting him like this.

Once the paramedic team took him towards the medical room on the stretcher, I was trying to calm myself down.

“I’m leaving with them. Over.” I took off my headset and almost threw it; not caring about anything else, the whole audience, my teammates, everyone was in shock, I could feel my boss threatening to kick me out of the team but I followed the paramedic team in tears.

I was sitting, while waiting for him to gain consciousness. With each passing second, I was worried about him, I was supposed to be worrying about my career, the race, the podium, my boss, my teammates how I let them down, and my own parents whom I wanted to show that I could do this, this is something I wanted to do. I was feeling messed up until I saw him gaining consciousness, I looked at him. He looked lost, “Seungcheol”

“What are you doing here?” the shift in his voice, took me aback, I should’ve expected this after what I did five years ago.

 “What do you mean?” I wiped my tears, trying to make my voice stable.

“You were supposed to be in the podium, holding that trophy” he tried sitting up, when I extended my hand to help him, he stopped me.

 “I didn’t complete the race.” I looked at him.

“What were you thinking?” the authority he had while questioning to me, even my boss didn’t talk to me like that “Did I teach you to drive like that and leave the race when you were about to win?”

“Seungcheol, I don’t give a shit about the race when it comes to you.” I had it enough, how could he even ask that to me?

“Did I teach you THAT?” I almost flinched, when he raised his voice at me, he never did.

 “But I couldn’t leave you like that” The horror I felt a few minutes ago, flashed infront of my eyes; almost making me tear up. This was important for me but he was more important for me. I was learning everything because I wanted to meet him, this was the only way to meet him. I couldn’t let myself down when I promised him that we would be standing beside each other on the podium after the race finishes.

“But you left me.” his words were stern as if he had no emotions left for me. “I didn’t want to, I had no other choice.”

“You left me, Shasha. You LEFT me.”

 “I DIDN’T WANT TO” and my tears were almost choking me. How do I explain to him, that I had no choice back then but to agree with whatever my father chose for me, that was the only thing I could do for us.

I was shaking my head in denial, I looked at him, five years… five years; I waited for him. I wanted to see him, smile at me or maybe I expected too much by hoping he would hug me as soon as he will see me and maybe tell me how much he missed me and how much he loved me. But it felt like I was shattering myself only by expecting too much from a guy whom I loved so dearly.

“You were the reason, I could bring myself here, I had no other way. I wanted to prepare myself to face you but then, it looked like I was the only one missing you and hoping for a second chance.” He looked at me, I wanted him to pull me closer and wipe my tears.

He sat up facing me, “You left me Shasha, nothing could change the fact.”

“I had no choice Seungcheol, why don’t you understand that? All these years, I was longing for you, waiting for the right time to meet you, tell you everything and I didn’t expect to meet you like this? in a fucking car crash where I could see my own life flashing right infront of me”

“You didn’t have to lose the race for me?”

 “And it was okay to lose you?” I questioned him, if he thinks this race was important than him, then I needed to prove him wrong, nothing is more important than him.

“You lost me once already. You were long gone even before I knew that you had left me. Tell me Shasha, did I really deserve that kind of treatment? I was so broken and there wasn't even a way to find my answers...I didn't know what questions to ask because we were so perfect back then. We were so happy and you just decided to break it all off without any explanation. I didn't need you to lose the race for me Shasha. I needed you to give me a chance.... or at least some answer. Do you have any idea the kind of self-deprecating thoughts I have had since then?”

 “I...I am so sorry Seungcheol. I don’t know how to explain what happened. In the simplest of words,” I tried to not choke on my tears, trying to give him the explanation he deserves “My parents found out about us that day I went back home. I was grounded for 4 days, without internet or phone or email someone who could have conveyed my message to you. Seungcheol I wanted to tell you but the next moment I was allowed to step out of the room was when my dad handed me the flight ticket. They sent me to another country and I had no way to contact you from the other side of the world. I am sorry but I really wanted to tell you at least once that I loved you then. I really did. But my dad could have ruined your career and I couldn’t risk your chance at getting your happiness. You had worked so hard for it. So between my love and your career, I chose your happiness.”

“Shasha, look at me” his eyes softened and he pulled me to sit beside him on the bed.

“What did I tell you about distractions?” he took a pause “One distraction and you lose focus, which means you lose the-

I kissed him, and let my tears fall down gracefully. The lingering feeling was still there, I wanted him to kiss me back to tell me that I wasn’t the only one still in love with him. I was asking for a second chance for both of us.  I pulled myself apart and looked at him. I couldn’t read him, like I used to, there was a thick air between us, “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have- he pulled me by my neck and kissed me.

I felt my lips getting wet, it was his tears. “I missed you, so much my love,” he said in between our kiss, and kissed me again, harder than earlier. We parted after, and we were almost out of breath, “Seungcheol” my voice came out low, and in another blink, he was kissing me again. He kissed me like he wanted to remind me how he tasted and wanted me and how much he loved me. “I loved you so much, I was losing myself when you weren’t with me. these five years, I yearned for you. I wanted you to come back to me, be mine again. But I couldn’t find you anywhere until one day I saw you on the big screen, racing just like the way I taught you. I was ready to face you on the race track and today when I saw you, I had no idea how to react. You looked like mine but not mine to lose.” His words had those unspoken emotions, “I” he said and looked at me, “Will” he came closer, almost our breaths hitting “love” he kissed me “You” and another kiss “Forever” and another kiss, which almost made me fall back, but he was quick to hold me by my waist and pull me closer. My hands went to his neck and he kissed me harder. I just knew, all these years it was hard for us not to break apart and stay in the hope of each other’s love and that I would never have enough of Seungcheol.

I broke the kiss, “I love you so much” and kissed him again

“this is my birthday gift?”

Bang Chan one shot

Pairing: Bang Chan × Female reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: no warnings it’s just fluff

word count: 1.2K

Author’s Note: This was a very random idea for his birthday, and I wrote this in a rushed way, hope you still find it cute >< Happy Chan day 💗💗 love him so much and this is not proofread- still I hope you enjoy <3

Happy Reading :)

I was wondering, how to waste time till midnight, since our dinner was over and we were already on the way to his car. “It’s getting late Ava” I saw it was almost 11 pm.

“I will drive, tonight” he gave me a look, “What?”

“Why suddenly?”

“I just want to, no arguments Chan”

“Okay, okay” he nodded and laughed at me.

“Let’s get in” he got inside the car and so did I. I had this whole thing planned, it would barely take twenty minutes for me to reach my home, it’s not that far. I looked at my watch, I had almost forty-five minutes in total.

I started driving, Chan played some music “I am craving for ice cream Chan,” my eyes were still focused on the road, “but you said no when I asked if we should order there?”

“Having ice creams outside is fun”

“As you say Ava” I smiled at his defeat. Maybe he was busy with all the song recordings and work, I get it but I wanted to surprise him for his birthday. I wonder if he remembers if tonight, well practically tomorrow is his birthday.

Soon, I parked the car and went out to buy ice cream. Chan was smiling, “you look happy”

“Yes, because I am with you.” I turned to look at him, “This is why I tell you, we should go out often and you shouldn’t overwork always. I know work is important but at times you should take some days off and enjoy everything around you” he got closer and pinched my cheeks “yes ma’am” he always took me in surprise.

While pinching my cheeks, his face was very close to my face. Every time, he comes this close to me, the proximity kills me. Makes me wonder, how is this guy the most adorable guy I found in my life and we are dating; it’s been probably four months but I just want to kiss all over him whenever he is this close to me but I am just shy to even take a step.

Soon, we reached the ice cream stall and took our favorite flavors and since I wanted to use up all the time, I was eating slowly.

“So, how was your day?” he asked me, “It was good but dinner and now an unplanned ice cream date made it better.” He smiled at me. “that’s sweet”

“I know I am” I laughed it off and he was staring at me, “what happened?”

“You’re so pretty Ava” he smiled at me and the urge to kiss him was something I was resisting.

After finishing our ice creams, I went to drive again, I looked at the time, and I still had a lot of time. I had an idea, to drive away to another place. I was praying for him to not notice, so I kept him busy with conversations. “Ava”

“Yes?”

“Where are we going?”

“To my home? remember you told me it’s getting late and I don’t think you will like it if your girlfriend takes a cab home from your place?” I kept my eyes on the road and tried to steal a glance at his face, “Yes, but this is not the way to your home”

“And who do you think knows better?”

“Yes, but” I took a turn which was the way to my office, “Ava, are you sure?”

I stopped the car and looked at him, “Oh shit, this is the way to my office, guess we need to go back”

“Ava, how could you?” he looked at me in disbelief, “It’s night time Chan, it happens.”

“Gosh, next time I am driving you back home, you messy girl” he laughed and I started driving again.

And according to me, it took twenty minutes for us to reach. I pulled into my driveway, “we reached, see.”

“yeah.” He looked at me, I could say he didn’t want to let me go. There was something, between us, I could always read him like a book, I could tell when he wanted to be with me or he didn’t want to let me go, I could tell if he was holding back the urge to play with me or tease me.

“Come with me.” he looked confused, “I need to show you something, then you can go back home” he looked skeptical, “Come on, Chan. Let’s go.”

I pull him out of the car, successfully. I hold his hand and he follows me; I missed holding his hands.

I unlock the door of my house and switch on the lights first. I pull him and make him sit on the kitchen aisle, he looks at me. I was waiting for the clock to strike at 12 am. I went towards the fridge, “what are you searching for Ava?” I was about to take out the cake, I baked for him and felt his arms around my waist. “Chan?”

“Yes?” he rested his head on my shoulder, I took out the cake carefully, “A cake?” he lifted his face but his arms didn’t leave my waist, “Yes” I kept the cake on the kitchen aisle and took out the candles.

After lighting them up, I heard the clock. “Happy birthday Chan” he looked surprised, “you remembered?”

“How could I forget?” I smiled at him, he possibly didn’t think I would forget his birthday. “Now, make a wish and blow out the candles, I made this for you” he nodded, he closed his eyes and wished for something, he looked at me and smiled; the moment he opened his eyes. I gestured for him to blow out the candles and he did. “Happy Birthday love” he looked surprised because this was the first time I called him ‘love’ rather than ‘Chan’

“Thank you so much, my love” he smiled at me, I was about to say something but then he leaned in close, his breath was hitting my face, I was waiting for him to give him but he kissed my cheeks. “thankyou so much for this”

Once he pulled back, he looked at me, “Now where’s my gift? Baby?” I was wondering how to do, every time I think about kissing him, I just don’t get the courage. I took a deep breath, “Close your eyes, and I will give you your birthday gift.” He smiled at me and closed his eyes.

“Okay” he said and waited for me, I was preparing myself. I took a deep breath and leaned closer and just kissed him. Once I kissed him, I was about to pull back but his hand went to hold my neck and he pulled me closer. And kissed me better than I did “this is my birthday gift?” he asked me in between kisses and smiled.

“Yes” I said and kissed him again, his other hand was on my waist, “Then I want every day as my birthday if I get to kiss you as my birthday gift”

I pulled back and looked at him, “You need to eat this cake and go home” I stepped back, and he suddenly pulled me closer, “are you sure you want to let me go, after our first kiss” I was about to answer him but he kissed me again.

Tum se hi

“Jeonghan one shot”

Pairing: Yoon Jeonghan x female reader

Genre: fluff [desi setting]

Warnings: no warnings

Word count: 1.1 K

Author’s Note: I am back with another husband Jeonghan imagine, this was actually quite impulsive, and I wrote this at 1 am. I have no idea if this whole imagine made sense or not, but i hope you enjoy reading this small fluff. And i was writing while reading this song, somewhere I felt like this described how much Jeonghan loved her. AND IT’S NOT PROOFREAD

happy reading :)

I walked out of the bathroom and saw, Noor getting ready, more like wearing the red saree. Somewhere I was lost, inside her when she was fixing her saree, and her hair was done with a pretty bun, with her curtains bangs out and making her look so beautiful, as if I was smitten by her beauty. She was literally glowing.

The way her fingers were trying to fix her saree slowly; it reminded me of the day I first saw her in a saree, and she wore a red saree at that time as well. It wasn’t at our wedding, but it was at peheli rasoi. Considering we saw each other in marriage, and the look on her face, made me realize that there was some missing part in my life that I was searching for and I found it right infront of me. The way she looked at me through the flower curtain before signing and saying ‘qubool hai’ three times, was the first time I heard her voice and my heart told me how I would be hearing it for the rest of my life, how I would be waking up to this voice and ending my day with it.

I was still when she moved her hands to fix her pallu, I was still lost in her. She was trying to pin her pallu, but it wasn’t working. I walked towards her, when she looked so focused in her saree.

I held the pallu and she looked at me through the mirror, she looked taken aback, her eyes told me she didn’t expect me to be here. She was about to say something, “let me” and she nodded.

Once her pallu was pinned and she looked at the mirror, my heart almost skipped beat when our fingers touched, she was looking so breathtaking. How does she pull off to look this pretty every time. “and ho gaya yeh” (and it’s done)

“thank you”

“aapke liye kuch bhi” (anything for you) and the smile when she is flustered on her face was something that meant a lot to me. I saw her move her hands to pick up the chain, but I was fast to pick it up. How could I let her do everything when she looked so fine and pretty but mine?

I held her shoulder, and she looked so flustered when I put the chain around her neck, I could say she couldn’t say a single thing because she was very flustered. This was probably the first time I was helping her to get ready, it’s always her who gets ready even before I can admire her in the morning and sometimes I am so thankful for some events or festivals when I see her getting ready in the morning wearing saree or kurti-patiyala or sharara. I love the way she takes my breath away.

“aaj kya ho gaya, you’re helping me today?” (what happened to you today, you're helping me?) she smiled at me, I won’t lie when I say she looks the prettiest when she smiles.

“chain pehena raha hun aapko” I took a pause and told her what my heart wanted to say “Aur itni sundar jo lag rahi hain, thore hi aapko sab karne de sakta hun. Mujhe bhi thori aapki khubsurati ko niharne ka mauka den” she was flustered again. I picked her earrings which were on the dressing table, I helped her with them. Earrings just added lives to my life. If only words could help me describe how much she looked like mine.

I saw the kamarband and picked it up, she was surprised, “Yeh aap kya- I cut her off pulling her waist and then putting the kamarband around her waist. I was too focused on her.

Once I was done, it reminded me how she loved wearing payal and I would definitely want her to wear payal today, afterall she looked so beautiful and I could take my eyes off her “Stay here and give me a second” she nodded. I went to open the wardrobe where I kept the new payal I bought for her. I was waiting for the right time and I won’t get a better time than this.

I went to her and showed her the payal, she almost gasped, “Aapke liye laya tha” (bought this for you)

“Thank you” and her smile was worthless, even millions of diamonds wouldn’t be able to buy her smile, probably because her smile was worth my life.

I bent down and gestured her to keep her foot on my thigh, so that I could put the payal on her. Jab bhi woh payal pehen k chalti thi, mujhe lagta tha meri zindagi chal rahi hai aur mai apni zindagi k samne jhukne k liye bhi taiyaar hun

Once she gave me her feet and I put the payal around her, I got up and looked at her. Admiration was the first thing I could do and it felt surreal that she was mine. Then came love, and she was the perfect definition of love. It felt like my life got meaning ever since she came into my life, her presence was the reason why I was standing here and falling in love with her every second.

I was looking at her eyes and it felt like I was lost in her eyes, her eyes were telling me something with love, we don’t need words to confess or tell that we are falling in love, actions speak louder than words. “aapko payal pasand toh ai na?” she nodded and smiled, “thank you so much” I took a step closer to her and tugged her hair strands and couldn’t resist myself from saying “kitni sundar lag rahi hain aap” She looked at me and gave me a smile.

Oh my gosh. One look at her right now and I realized how much I love her, can she even tell how much I already love her?

God forbid me from falling this hard for her.

I gave her my smile subconsciously while I had her thoughts about how I fell in love with her the moment I saw her behind the flower curtains during our nikah. And how everything she does makes me fall in love with her over again

And in a blink I felt her lips on mine briefly. She ran away even before I could react, my fingers went to touch my lips where she kissed me; I was just standing there processing that she just kissed me like that and ran away even before I could kiss her back.

I ran out of the room, in the hope I would catch her before she could go downstairs, I noticed she was near the staircase and pulled her by her arm, “Where are you running away?” I leaned towards her and kissed her before she could say a single word. I pulled her closer by her waist, she couldn’t just steal my first kiss like that.

Once I let her go, I looked at her, she was way too flustered to speak a single word, so I decided to speak up “I know itni sundar hoke jaa rahi hain, par meri hi hoke wapas aana, meri jaan” and I kissed her once again.

Nothing could describe how much I love her.

His betrayal

Seungcheol one shot

Pairing: Choi Seungcheol × Fem reader

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Gun, breaking of glass, mention of betrayal, please let me know if I missed any warnings

Word count: 1.2K

Author’s Note: This was in draft and I don’t remember since when, but this was also impulsive. Hope you like this, mafia Seungcheol.

LIKE IMAGINE HIM SO HOT IN MAFIA AAHHHH

happy reading :)

Taglist (networks) : @kflixnet @caratwritersclub

I just had one aim right now and that was to kill him right now, with the gun he gave me which had my initials engraved. I wanted answers, I couldn’t care less about anything right now. I ignored everything and went to his office.

I slammed the door open, and he didn’t even look surprised, as if he was waiting for me to come; he still had that heartless cold face. “What are you doing here?” I ignored his question and held the gun tight. I pointed the gun at him, “WHY WOULD YOU LIE TO ME?”

“I told you to leave and never come back ever again.” I couldn’t take his words anymore, the way he hurt me a few hours ago, I was ready to leave in grief but then the moment everything became clear, his intentions, his dirty tricks, and the way he used me just to gain power and take down my family. I couldn’t care less how much I was broken right now but I needed answers and I wanted to end everything. I’m not going to take his orders anymore, the girl who was ready to take orders from him and leave was long gone.

“WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME CHOI SEUNGCHEOL?” I never raised my voice at him.

“Put that gun down.” His orders weren’t going to work for me anymore.

“Tell me or else I’ll shoot you right now.” I wanted my tears to stop, but they weren’t. I wasn’t in my fucking right mind. How am I supposed to stay sane when he was my first for everything and he betrayed me just like that? How many times I told myself that I shouldn’t have trusted his words but I was the fool, who fell in love with him and trusted him with my everything.

“I’m telling you again, put that gun down.” His dominating voice was scaring me, making my body go through chills but I couldn’t back off. He could make me feel intimidated but not right now, I can’t let him make me feel that.

“Answer me or else I’ll shoot you!” I needed answers from him, why would he do this?

“Was none of these true?” tears threatening to fall again; I aimed at his window and pulled the trigger with all the force. The moment I heard the glasses break, I felt at peace.

“JESUS CHRIST, AZALEA PUT THAT GUN DOWN.”

“Not until you tell me everything, I will kill you and everyone today” I didn’t lie when I said that. I had my mind set, on shooting him first and not caring about any consequences, because I very well knew what his best friend would do to me if I hurt Seungcheol. Was everything a game to him? Was I a game to him?

As soon as I said, I heard footsteps approaching, “Are you okay?” I didn’t have to turn around to feel guns pointing at me and Jeonghan standing there as the head. One order from him and I’m done. “Don’t you dare to shoot. Leave, I’ve got her.”

The footsteps started disappearing and my grip got tighter around the gun; he was trying to take a step toward me, “Don’t take a step, or else I will shoot you Seungcheol. I’m not even scared of anything anymore. Not after you made a damn game out of me.”

“Azalea, calm down. Slowly, calm down.” No matter how much his voice tried to calm me down, but I wouldn’t; the rage flowing inside drove me insane. Everything turned upside down in a second.

The moment I found out his plotting, making me fall in love with him, manipulating me into telling him everything about my family and what is my dad up to, and he was going to destroy my whole family, take over the whole familia, and make our family go bankrupt, I’m not letting him hurt me and my family. I can’t see my mom and my sister crying because of this one asshole I fell in love with.

“It’s simple, tell me or else I kill you and kill myself right after that” I took a deep breath, “because you made a fool out of me” I closed my eyes to stop the tears remembering how I witnessed his conversation with my dad and then I felt a sudden force on my hands and the gun fell but before I could hold it, he caught the gun and twisted my hand. “I always told you never to be distracted when you set your mind on killing someone.” That’s when I knew I messed up. He pushed me towards a wall, still holding one of my hands, my back touching the cold wall of his office. He lifted my face using the gun, I was holding before; I wanted the tears to stop but the moment I felt him so close to me, it reminded me of the moments we spent together till today and everything turned out to be a lie, so that he could use me against my own family later.

He forced me to look at him, “Look at me”

“why would you do that!” I screamed in his face, I was hurt, I wasn’t okay, he had to know how much I hated myself for believing him and his lies, he had to know how much I regretted loving him and I wanted to hate him right now but the love I had for him could never compare. I didn’t want to break down infront of him but nothing was helping me out, not even the fully loaded gun forcing me to look at him. “I did this to save you princess” his voice was low; it was enough for me to listen.

“Shut up Choi Seungcheol. Shut the fuck up” my voice was the only thing I could hear right now, “WHY WOULD YOU MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE”

“Sweetheart, I told you not to fall in love with the demon” and he loosened the grip of his hand on my wrist, I wanted to hit him push him but I felt like I had no energy left after I was battling with myself

“Why would you do this Seungcheol….” I started hitting him with all the force I had “Why would you do this to me Cheol?!” he lowered his gun, and it fell on the floor. I broke down in his arms, gripping his shirt, where I was hitting him earlier. His arms wrapped around me, “It started as a lie but I thought I could let you go so that we could pretend none of this happened but this feels impossible. This was the only way to push you away, this world is not for you. There was a reason you were kept away from all of this princess.” My sobs were getting louder, I needed to cry and let it out.

“I started loving you so bad that it hurts so much why would you do this to me Seungcheol why” he was caressing my hair, “I love you Azalea”

“Why would you do this, why?! You know I can’t live without you and I won’t let you live today” I grabbed the gun before he had the chance. I pointed it towards his heart, “Shoot me. If you think I’m still lying.” I wasn’t going to believe him anymore.

“Stop it Seungcheol, I’m not believing you anymore, you lied to me, and you broke me to the extent that I can never trust anyone anymore.”

“Remember I love you and will love you but what you did to me was unforgivable.” And I pulled the trigger.

and then I met you

[seven]

Pairing: Jeonghan × fem reader × Seungcheol

Synopsis: Falling in love with bestfriend’s ex wasn’t something that Jeonghan planned

Genre: hurt/comfort

Warning: mention of baby bump

Word count: 1.5K

Author’s Note: Finally got the motivation to write, I was having writer's block but here I am. Also I didn’t do proofread yet ><

Happy reading :)

Taglist: @scarlet789 @jjeongddol @shinetogether17

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Aisha was getting closer to Ari, especially after meeting with the parents, Ari wanted Aisha’s contacts, and according to her she got a sister.

Aisha had to choose her wedding dress and after Ari got to know, she insisted on joining, since Jeonghan can’t see her in the wedding dress before the wedding. Ari and Aisha were starting to enjoy each other’s company. There was something about Ari, she liked a lot; the way she made her feel, the whole sister love. At times, Aisha would get overwhelmed but then she would realize she would be getting more of it since Ari would be her sister-in-law.

Since the wedding dates were getting closer, both the families were getting busy, with everything. Jeonghan would tell Aisha to take care of herself more; since Aisha was staying with her family till the wedding.

Aisha was already used to this side of Jeonghan but Jeonghan was realizing slowly that it wasn’t just a friend’s care and it was scaring him. At times he would simply call Aisha because he would be missing her voice and would ask her to take care of herself because that was the only excuse he could give for now. As the wedding date was getting closer, Jeonghan was battling if he should invite Seungcheol or not, somewhere Jeonghan still considered him as his friend but he wasn’t sure if it was the same from Seungcheol’s side or not. The way things went downhill and now calling him on the wedding was more like he was confirming Seungcheol’s doubt into truth or he wanted to show Seungcheol that he could take could better care of Aisha than him. All these assumptions were messing up Jeonghan, somewhere he wanted Seungcheol back as his bestfriend but what hurt him the most was the doubt and the way he assumed that something like this could actually happen between him and Aisha

Out of respect for their years of friendship and courtesy, Jeonghan did send him the wedding invitation but with a letter as a last try to fix things, somewhere he had a hope, maybe he would show up at the wedding and fix everything. Jeonghan wrote to him clearly, ‘This is the one last time I am ever asking you anything, please come to the wedding and listen to Aisha one last time or if you ever thought me as your friend then you’ll give me a chance to speak and you will know that this is all a misunderstanding and how hard it is for Aisha. Please Seungcheol, just one last time. Because somewhere I know that she still loves you.’

Although he didn’t tell Aisha at first; he told her after sorting out his messy thoughts. One thing Jeonghan didn’t tell her was about the letter. And Aisha was okay with the wedding invitation because somewhere Aisha also wanted Seungcheol to show that she was getting married to Jeonghan and she was done explaining everything to him.

*****

“Aisha, are you ready?” Aisha was nervous, she looked at the mirror and then at her mom. “I am” She smiled at her mom and then looked down at her belly. The small baby bump which she could feel, was making her overwhelmed; her mom came and kissed her forehead, “I am sorry for the way I behaved that day infront of you and Jeonghan, if I knew then I wouldn’t have-

“Mom, you’re my mother. You’ve all the right to be mad about this.” Somewhere Aisha was guilty because none of this was planned and the way Jeonghan’s words affected everything and led to the wedding. Somewhere she was thankful to Jeonghan but it was beyond her understanding why was Jeonghan doing all this, and how did they end up like this.

“Aisha…” her mom was tearing up and looking at her, Aisha was trying to hold back her tears. She was getting married, her life is going to change, and the baby is going to have a dad. Aisha was overwhelmed with everything and the way she planned everything with Seungcheol was replaced by Jeonghan, now she is going to be Jeonghan’s wife and Jeonghan is going to be the baby’s dad.

She knew Jeonghan could be the best dad but somewhere all the feelings for Seungcheol which she burnt weeks ago were coming back as a betrayal. “Aisha don’t cry” and she realized her tears were already falling.

Aisha’s dad entered and saw the mother-daughter moment; he smiled at them and walked towards Aisha and hugged her carefully. “You will be an amazing wife and a great mother, I just know it my baby” her dad wiped her tears and kissed her forehead. “Don’t ruin your makeup and it’s almost time to go” Aisha nodded.

“I can’t believe my girl is a grown up already and getting married.” He pinched her cheeks and Aisha smiled. “Let’s go now?” her dad extended his arm and Aisha nodded.

“Please don’t let me fall” Aisha almost whispered, “how can I even my pretty daughter” he gave his happiest smile to her, and the moment the door opened, Aisha walked down the aisle with her dad. She was trying to keep a smile while walking, and on the other hand, Jeonghan had his eyes set on her. The way her dress looked so pretty on her, for him she wasn’t looking less than a Disney princess. The way she was walking gracefully towards him holding the bouquet, he was lost in her; he wanted to tell him that this was wrong but then he wanted today to be his cheat day and think about her and the wedding.

Jeonghan was so lost in Aisha that he couldn’t even see anyone else other than her, walking and holding the bouquet, the moment she came closer, he was tearing up because of how beautiful she looked and how he couldn’t believe any of this.

He had a little hope that Seungcheol would show up before the wedding and fix everything but there he was, standing in the front and witnessing their wedding which simply meant he wasn’t even ready to give anyone one last chance and stuck to his own point, about the whole misunderstanding.

The moment he stepped down the stage and went to take her hand from her dad, they had a short eye contact, before giving Aisha’s hand, her dad spoke “Take care of her, I am trusting you since Aisha loves you and choose you. Don’t let her cry or hurt her, if you ever feel that you’re going to hurt her, return my daughter back to me”

“I will take care of her and never let her cry. I promise” and Aisha was holding back her tears, and the moment her dad gave her hand to Jeonghan, he tightened the grip. Somewhere the word ‘love’ felt so foreign to both of them, because they knew what happened and what was coming for them.

He led her to the center and he looked at her, he could see her trying hard not to cry. He was still holding her hand and drawing circles, when they were facing each other during vows, it was his way of telling her not to cry and stress and that he was here for her.

Somewhere Aisha’s eyes found Seungcheol, she was looking at him. The pain, the love she felt for him was replacing with an unknown emotion, but the betrayal feeling was still there and it was telling her, that she deserved better. Better than Seungcheol.

Because of what Seungcheol did, she could never forgive him; for ruining everything.

After Jeonghan and Aisha’s vows, Jeonghan just heard one sentence which was enough to turn everything upside down.

“You may kiss the bride” kiss? He knew what was coming but he didn’t think it was going to be this nerve-wreaking. He was hesitating, he was okay with hugs and all the skinship that happened between him and Aisha but the kiss was out of the question. But he had to, and he needed the consent before he kissed her. Without her consent, he won’t even make a single move.

He leaned towards Aisha, and he could almost hear his own heartbeat; “Can I kiss you?” Aisha was taken aback because she didn’t even imagine Jeonghan asking for her consent for the kiss. Aisha’s eyes went to that one person who was looking at them with his undivided attention, she had one thing on her mind and that was to tell that one person that she was okay, she was better with Jeonghan now without any regrets because she deserved better.

“Kiss me. Kiss me hard Jeonghan, he needs to see what he came to see”

“I asked you for permission of the kiss not to kiss you as his payback for what he did Aisha” There was a shift in his voice, which Aisha didn’t expect. Jeonghan didn’t want to kiss her as a payback or as a show for Seungcheol, he was genuine when he asked, and saying no wasn’t that hard. Soon, Jeonghan cupped Aisha’s face and put his finger on her lips, so that when he kisses her; he would kiss his finger and not her but it would look like he kissed her.

Once he leaned in to kiss, the crowd cheered but Aisha was confused, and Jeonghan had his eyes closed. He wanted Aisha to understand that he wouldn’t do anything that she wanted as a payback to Seungcheol.

Once he pulled back with a smile, the whole crowd cheered again and the father announced, “And I announce them as husband and wife”

In the name of Love

“Xu Minghao one shot”

Pairing: Xu Minghao x female reader

Genre: Angst

Warnings: mcd (major character death), mentions of suicide, drowning, ocean, choking, jumping off a rooftop

Word count: 2.9K

Author’s Note: I DO NOT SUPPORT or ENCOURAGE suicide or any self harm in any way. And if you are uncomfortable in any of these tags, please don’t read.

Happy reading :)

It was the few days before summer came in full blow. The nights were still cold but the afternoons were warm, leading people to come out of their houses and play with the warm sand.

It was nearing spring, but my heart felt stuck in eternal winter.

I looked at the pink and white card on my desk, taunting me with its content.

The reason for the numbness I was willing into my heart.

“I want us to have a green and beige-themed wedding, it’d look so pretty. Right, Minghao?”

Just when I had thought that my heart was unfeeling and my eyes had cried all its tears out, the ache in my chest as the memories flooded through my brain, I realized maybe I would never be able to let her go.

Maybe it was my destiny to live the unrequited love while the love of my life went and got married to the one man I had considered my best friend.

Mingyu and Abhi.

The two people I had trusted the most, didn’t only go behind my back but also are going to start their new lives together as a wedded couple while I am left behind to pick up the thorns of their roses.

“Come on Minghao, are you really jealous of your best friend? He’s the one who I have thought of as a brother since we met. You are the one I have always loved”

Lies.

It was all pretty lies that somehow he had believed because he was blinded by love and now, here he is.

Minghao is alone in this room while the entire town is at their wedding.

It grows hotter and hotter as Minghao’s brain is filled with the moments of their betrayal.

Going to Mingyu’s home and finding Abhi there, cooking for him.

Seeing them hanging out at the club through their Instagram stories.

Their parents always being super close with each other and have dinners on a regular basis.

Minghao knows he should have known. He should have realized the truth when it was right in front of him but he was too blinded by love and too trusting.

He had loved Abhi and trusted Mingyu and in return, he received lies and betrayal.

The sadness was gone, what remained now was the anger.

How dare they play him like that?

How dare they lie to him for 4 years?

This was it.

Minghao wanted answers.

Why did Abhi not tell him she had fallen for his best friend? Why the act?

Minghao rushed to his car.

He had decided not to go to their wedding but he needed some kind of answer or else he was afraid he was going to go crazy.

Minghao hurries to the basement of the building and drives out in a rush.

The wedding location is 2 hours away and the wedding is in 3 hours.

He is sure he can get some answers before the marriage takes place.

“We should get the gardenias for our wedding. It's really pretty.”

“Minghao we should name our child based on stars. Two cuties born from love and adoration.”

“Minghao, I love you”

“Yes! A hundred thousand times Yes. I will marry you”

“I have to get married to Mingyu”

Tears threatened to fall as he recalled all the moments he had spent with Abhi.

It was still painful. It was still confusing.

To him, Abhi was the one.

He still cannot imagine a life without her so why? Why did she leave him?

Why was she marrying someone else when she knew Minghao wouldn’t be able to live without her?

‘Why did you do that Abhi? Was my love not enough?’

The place where the wedding was supposed to take place was pretty just as he had thought it to be.

But it was all wrong.

Instead of beige and green, it was white and lavender.

Instead of gardenias, there were orchids.

Instead of Minghao and Abhi, it was Mingyu and Abhi.

The pain bloomed once again as he saw photos of his ex-best friend and girlfriend, smiling at each other, excited to start their new lives.

“Minghao?” He sees the person in front of him. It was Ira, Abhi’s elder sister. “What are you doing here?” 

“I was invited?”

Ira visibly pales “I know. I just thought you wouldn’t actually attend the wedding.”

Minghao bursts out laughing. “And why is that? It is after all the wedding ceremony of two people who are so perfectly made for each other. Both are so pro in betraying others.”

Minghao knows it’s not Ira’s fault but he’s too angry to speak nicely to anyone.

“It's now what you think it is. Abhi-” 

“Leave it. I don’t want to hear any excuses.”

Minghao walks away from Ira. He knows he is being disrespectful, but he really doesn’t want to hear any excuses from others.

What he wants are answers, directly from Abhi. 

Thankfully Minghao doesn't encounter anyone else on the way to the dressing room and barges straight into the “For Bride” hall.

He notices the perfume the first thing he opens the door. It’s hers.

Nostalgia hits him as he realizes how much he missed her scent.

But also, how it reminds him of her betrayal.

The smell that used to make him feel calm, now only ignites embers of betrayal and broken promises.

Then he sees her, sitting in front of the mirror.

She’s just as stunning as he had imagined her to be in all of his fantasies and Minghao momentarily forgets why he was there.

The white dress, the veil, the diamond glowing against her skin. She looked like the prettiest girl in the world.

“Minghao?” Her voice broke my stupor, bringing back all the bad memories of her betrayal and the reason why I was here.

“Are you really here?”For some reason, Minghao sees her face transform from pale sadness to hopefulness. He knows he shouldn't care but his instincts force him to go near her, comfort her and not say a word that might hurt her.

He ignores the pang in his chest.

“Why are you so surprised? Weren’t you the one who sent me the invite?” The hope in her eyes dulls.

“Did you even open it? The invite?”

Minghao feels the anger coming back. He steps closer to her. “And why would I do that? So that you can laugh about how you made a fool of me and my love for you? No Abhi, I did not open the invite because I was not interested in it at all.”

Minghao sees as tears fall out of her eyes but he’s too far gone to care at the moment.

“Did you really think I was here to bless your marriage and congratulate the people who betrayed me? Or did you think I was here to get fooled by you two once again?”

“Minghao, you have to listen to me.”

“NO! YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME MRS ABHIRA MINGYU KIM.” I knew it was bad, I knew I was out of control, but I had lost all my semblance of control since the day I woke up and heard news about these two. And it was not directly from them. Not only was I betrayed, but I wasn’t even important enough to know the truth. But I refused to be disrespected anymore.

“So tell me, Abhi, since when have you been going behind my back and hooking up with my so-called best friend? Since when the two of you have been laughing at my loyalty?”

“Minghao please calm down and listen to me. Please.”

“The only thing I want to listen to is the reason you had to do this. Why didn’t you just tell me you liked him? Did you think I wouldn’t have understood you falling for him while being with me? Or did cheating on me give you some sick kind of pleasure?”

“Minghao please you are hurting me” He saw the scrunch on Abhi’s face and then looked down to see the grip he had on her arm. He immediately let go, the distraction somewhat dissipating his anger.

“Not more than how you hurt me.”

Minghao turned as he realized it was not worth it anymore. If she really wanted to be married to Mingyu, he’d give her that. 

It was his last gift to her, his first and only love.

“Get married to Mingyu, Abhi. But don’t ever show your face to me. This is my last consideration to both of you”

Minghao walked out of the hall, ignoring the cries of Abhi who wanted him to listen to her.

But really, nothing remained to be said or heard.

Minghao straight away went to get his car, ignoring everything that was happening around him, and before he knew it, he was on the road, hitting 70 miles per hour.

His phone kept blaring but he ignored it all until his eyes were burning from the impact of the air and tears.

45 missed calls from Mingyu.

33 missed calls from Ira.

1 missed call from Abhi.

Minghao got hit by dread.

For some reason, an ominous feeling hit him, and he knew it in his heart. Something bad has happened.

Very bad.

His phone blares again and this time it's not Mingyu or Ira or Abhi.

It's Charles, his secretary.

Minghao feels his heart stop beating.

Something very bad has happened.

Very very bad.

He answers the call.

“Charles..?”

Minghao is unable to talk.

“Mr Minghao where have you been? Mr Mingyu has been wanting to reach out to you for the past hour.”

“Tell him he doesn’t have anything he can say that will mend our relationship. He is a betrayer and I will never forgive him or Abhi-”

“Miss Abhira passed away.”

The world goes pin drop silence as Minghao feels his eardrums ring. No way did he hear it right.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”

“Miss Abhira Ranawat took her own life. She jumped from the rooftop of her wedding venue and was pronounced dead while being transferred to the hospital due to a rupture of all internal organs.”

Minghao couldn’t concentrate on what Charles was saying anymore.

He couldn’t concentrate on where he was going.

Abhi…. 

Dead.

No.

Dead..?

No way.

It can…

It ain’t…

It’s not true.

No. Abhi cannot be dead.

She cannot die.

She’s not dead.

He doesn’t believe it.

HE CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

HE REFUSES TO BELIEVE IT.

The air feels thick and impossible to intake as Minghao dials Ira’s number.

The phone rings for 3 dials before he hears Ira’s voice.

“YOU BASTARD. WHAT? WHAT DID YOU EVER SAY TO MY BABY SISTER THAT MADE HER DO THIS? I WILL NEVER FORIVE YOU. I SWEAR I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU.”

Before he can reply, Minghao hears another voice.

“Minghao…”

Minghao feels dread fill his heart which twists the organ.

“Tell me it’s not true.”

The voice that comes out is way too calm for how he is feeling.

But he hopes, he wishes, he prays to all Gods above for Mingyu to ascertain that it’s not true.

That Abhi is still….

That she is still living and her heart is still beating.

He will do anything, forgive her, give her anything and everything she wants, as long as what he heard was not true.

“Her last wish was for you to read the letter.”

And just like that, Minghao’s entire world collapses.

No.

“You are lying…”

“I so wish I was…You don’t even realize how much”

Minghao doesn’t even cut the call. It just falls out of his hand as they lose all strength.

She’s dead.

Abhi is dead.

Minghao remembers all the bad things he told her… All the blame…

He remembers her tears and curses himself.

Why?

WHY?

Why did he have to do that?

Why did he treat her like that?

If she wanted to marry Mingyu, he should have just let her.

Why did he have to go and ruin her like that?

At least she would have been alive.

At least his world wouldn’t have ended.

WHY

WHY DID SHE TAKE HIS WORDS SO SERIOUSLY?

“I thought you read the letter…That’s why you are here..”

Minghao opens the wedding cursed invitation and a white paper falls out of it.

His tears make it difficult to read the words inked but by the time he completes reading it, his tears stop.

Instead, his world blackens.

The sun? It’s not there.

The people laughing? They are taunts in his ears which can hear everything clearly.

His heart stops but he is still breathing.

He shouldn’t.

He cannot.

He must not breathe, not when he is the reason Abhi is not breathing anymore.

He deserves to be punished.

More importantly, he refuses to live in a world where Abhi doesn’t exist.

Minghao is in auto mode as his legs walk towards the vast ocean that is in front of him.

He should have just let her get married to Mingyu.

Minghao knew he never deserved Abhi…He should have just stayed in the hotel.

He should have read the letter.

He should have listened when she was trying to explain.

Why was he so prideful?

Why was he so stupid?

Why did he let a girl like Abhi was the form of sunshine take, such a drastic step?

Why did Abhi just not slap him instead when he was blaming her?

The cold water broke his stupor and his body’s defense mechanism was forcing him to get out but he pushed through it.

He was a killer.

A murderer who forced the death of his own love. 

He needs to be punished.

The first taste of the ice-cold salty ocean water awakened his brain but his heart had long since shut down.

He needs to bear the pain.

His hands and legs start kicking as water enters his lungs, burning his windpipe and begging him to swim out.

He should not live.

A few seconds later he feels his body going numb from the lack of oxygen and his brain is dark. But at the end of darkness, he sees light. It’s small but definite.

The coldness is no longer there.

Instead, he feels warm.

The light dissipates the darkness and warmth covers him.

“Minghao please don’t do this.”

The voice tells him as he feels himself floating in the air instead of water.

“I have to. I need to.”

“Minghao please…”

“No Abhi. I cannot live in a world where you don’t exist. Don’t tell me to do the impossible.”

“But I did that so you can live peacefully…”

“I am sorry you felt like that. That is why I need to be punished.”

“NO”

“I will meet you soon Abhi. After I atone for my sins, I will meet you and I will give you all the happiness you deserve. Just be happy till then.”

“Minghao please, stop.”

“I have made up my mind.”

“Let’s meet in another life”

and then I met you

[eight]

Pairing: Jeonghan × fem reader × Seungcheol

Synopsis: Falling in love with bestfriend’s ex wasn’t something that Jeonghan planned.

Genre: hurt/comfort

Word count: 2.2K

Warnings: mention of pregnancy, morning sickness.

Author’s Note: I am finally back, I DID NOT ABANDON this fic!!

Happy reading ~

taglist: @scarlet789    @jjeongddol @shinetogether17 @caratloves17

If you want to get tagged, you can reply me <3

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After everything was over, Jeonghan and Aisha went back to their apartment. They went to their rooms; the moment Aisha entered the room, she looked around her new room. She changed her gown and wore her comfort clothes. She sat on the bed and looked around her room once again, everything felt so new. She came to Jeonghan’s apartment rarely and every time she came it was with Seungcheol, when they would hang out together but now living with him in his apartment was something different. Leaving her apartment and living with Jeonghan was like leaving her memories behind that one room, which was her comfort.

She kept her phone on the night table and tried sleeping. The moment she closed her eyes, all the events that happened today came rushing to her mind and it played as if she was watching today’s replay. Seungcheol, her wedding, the kiss, and Jeonghan. Everything felt so unfamiliar and the way Seungcheol’s eyes never left hers was something she never expected.

Whereas Jeonghan was in his room, wearing his sweatshirt, today was indeed a tiring day for him but he couldn’t forget the look he witnessed of Seungcheol; there were so many unspoken words between them, he noticed the way he was looking at them when they kissed.

Aisha told him it was over but what was the thing he saw today, Aisha wanted him to kiss her because of Seungcheol and it was beyond his ethics to agree to her. He would never kiss her for advantage, a kiss is something personal and for him, it was more than personal and if he would kiss Aisha then it would be out of love and affection he felt for her. Denying wasn’t a thing now, Aisha is a part of his life now, she is his responsibility now and he knows, what he did.

The night was something for them, which resulted in overthinking.

The next morning, Jeonghan woke up early because he had one important meeting to attend, and making breakfast for them almost became a habit of his. His mom specifically told him what are the things Aisha needs to avoid and what are the things she needs to eat despite how many she tells him that she wants this or that, because cravings are very normal during pregnancy.

Jeonghan kept everything on the table and went towards her room; he knocked on her room, and he realized nothing changed except the fact that they were married and it’s his apartment rather than Aisha’s apartment.

“Aisha?” he called her name, he looked at the time, she usually wakes up by this time. “Aisha?” he was about to knock again but the door opened and he looked at her, she looked so weak. “Are you okay?” the panic was visible on his face, and she barely nodded.

The very next thing Aisha did was to cover her mouth and run towards the bathroom, Jeonghan hurriedly followed her without any thoughts. Jeonghan never witnessed her morning sickness and as far as he knows morning sickness happens from 2nd month till 4th month. He was caressing her back and drawing circles while Aisha was throwing up. He got so worried; once she was done, he helped her to stand up, “Aisha we are going to visit the doctor right now” She snapped her head to look at him; she tried shaking her head in denial. “We are leaving right now, freshen up and get changed”

“I’ll be fine”

“No, you are coming with me.”

“Jeonghan-”

“You’re my wife, Aisha. I can’t risk your health and our baby’s health.” That’s when Aisha knew she could not argue with him anymore, that’s the end of the conversation.

“I’ll go out and will come back in half an hour max and if you’re done then come down, I will be waiting for you.” and he left her room. Aisha looked at herself, what mess did she create with herself.

While Aisha was getting ready, Jeonghan was getting impatient and getting more and more worried with each passing second. He called the hospital he had been planning to register Aisha since the beginning and then took today’s doctor’s appointment for Aisha.

He called one of his colleagues, “Junho, I might be a bit late today, inform the team.” 

He turned his head to see Aisha walking towards him, “I need to go to a doctor’s appointment with my wife” and he hung up, “I am ready” he nodded and got up from the couch, he went to bring the apple juice, he made for her in the morning, “drink this and we can go” she drank the juice and Jeonghan kept the glass on the table.

“Let’s go” he picked up his keys and walked towards the door. And there was Aisha, wondering how her first day after marriage turned out like this; once they were in the car, Aisha didn’t speak a lot.

“Did you sleep well?” Jeonghan’s eyes were focused on the road but his mind was somewhere else, “Yes I did” Jeonghan felt something was off but didn’t push the thing. He remembers his mother’s words, about not stressing Aisha and what are the things he should do and not do, he was taking care of each and everything.

Once he parked his car infront of the hospital, Jeonghan came out of the car and went to open the door for Aisha, “Jeonghan where are we-”

“Let’s go” he held her hand, this wasn’t the first time he was holding her hand but this was the first time he was holding her hand after getting married and naming their relationship. “But Jeonghan this hospital-” Aisha was surprised because the hospital looked more than fancy to her, “this is the best hospital here and I could not risk with you. Your health is the most important one because you’re the mother” she couldn’t argue back once again, he was right, and Aisha could feel the overwhelming feeling building up inside her. Jeonghan was concerned about her since day one and he always told her to take care of herself and he always wanted her to get registered with this hospital and since they have the whole package for whole nine months and then post-delivery care for the mother and the baby; they provide this along with during delivery bookings.

Aisha would have to do regular visits during pre and post-pregnancy.

Once they entered, Aisha’s grip got a little stronger around Jeonghan’s hand. Jeonghan felt Aisha tensing up a little so he turned his head towards her and lowered to her height “It’s going to be okay” Aisha took a deep breath. Once they went to the reception, Jeonghan told them about the appointment and gladly they didn’t have to wait a lot.

After almost half an hour, it was Aisha’s turn for the checkup. Aisha was holding Jeonghan’s hand because she was nervous but she didn’t know why was she nervous.

Jeonghan knocked on the door, and then Aisha entered the chamber. “Is your husband with you?” Aisha was asked as soon as she stepped in, she nodded. The word ‘husband’ sounded new to her, the fact she was married to Yoon Jeonghan and he was her husband now; it wasn’t even twenty-four hours since they got married. “come with your husband” Aisha took a deep breath before turning her head and calling “Jeonghan?” Aisha’s voice was almost timid. Jeonghan looked at her, “Come inside”.

“Please take a seat” Aisha sat carefully and Jeonghan took a seat beside her. Somewhere or the other Jeonghan felt Aisha getting more and more nervous, and he reached out to hold her hand. The moment Jeonghan held her hand, the warm feeling was enough for Aisha in that moment to feel safe and better. Aisha got her weight and blood pressure checked first then they took a seat infront of the doctor.

“So,” she took a pause and looked at Aisha, “Aisha, how are you feeling?”

“I…” Jeonghan saw how hesitant Aisha was, this was their first antenatal doctor visit as husband and wife and this changed the whole scenario of whatever happened between Jeonghan and Aisha, doesn’t matter how Jeonghan always accompanied her to her check-ups as a friend.

Jeonghan looked at Aisha and blinked his eyes as an assurance. “I was doing well, but today morning, I had morning sickness.”

“What did you eat?”

“I had apple juice in the morning”

“Did you throw up before drinking the juice or after?”

“Before, it was… more like… after I woke up… I threw up.”

“Are you stressing Aisha?” Aisha looked so hesitant, “Did you sleep well? Yesterday night?” Jeonghan squeezed her hand slightly and Aisha looked at Jeonghan once then looked at doctor, “No, I couldn’t sleep well yesterday night”

“Was it stress Aisha?” Aisha nodded slightly, “Can I ask why?”

“It’s okay, you can say it Aisha, there’s no harm in telling and there’s nothing wrong in telling.” the doctor was a very softspoken person, and Jeonghan’s support was helping her to stay true to herself

“I cried, I was crying, I was not feeling well, the overwhelming feeling was eating me and stressing me so much that I couldn’t help but just cry. Tears came out without even asking as if my emotions were making me overwhelming me and making me cry so much.”

“Did you get any sleep at all?” she nodded, “I slept around 2 to 3 am” Jeonghan was feeling apologetic, Aisha didn’t mention anything to him about crying and stressing so much, and he didn’t even know anything. “I don’t know what caused you the stress Aisha but if it’s something between the two of you, then I would suggest, try to solve it and not to stress about it.”

“No, it’s not like that” Aisha was too fast to say this, “I- I have nothing to say”

“Aisha, you shouldn’t take stress, it’s not good for you and your precious baby.” Aisha was feeling overwhelmed. “You have to take care of her, make her feel better.” Then she turned her head to look at Aisha “And Aisha you need to watch good things, can be your comfort movies or random cute movies or listen to songs or do things which can take away your stress. Because babies are very sensitive to anything that mother feels and that’s why a mother shouldn’t stress.”

“Okay doctor” both were in sync this time and the doctor smiled, “I would be your assigned doctor from now on Aisha, you can come and visit me anytime. Okay?” Aisha nodded, “It was nice meeting you Mrs. Yoon” and the doctor smiled at Aisha, “Thankyou so much Ms. Lee” Aisha smiled back, and Jeonghan also thanked her. They left the chamber and Jeonghan was still holding her hand.

Aisha felt bad about not telling Jeonghan about the whole episode she had yesterday because of Seungcheol, how her overthinking self; took her to stress so much.

While walking towards his car, Aisha was silent, more like she was trying to find the right words to tell everything to Jeonghan, from now on Jeonghan is not just a friend who was taking care of Aisha and taking her to check-ups, rather he is her husband and he is supposed to know everything.

Once they were infront of his car, Jeonghan let Aisha get in first then he went inside the car, “Say it Aisha, you want to say something” it always amazes Aisha how Jeonghan can tell so many things about her and read her, like how can he exactly say that she’s struggling or stressing or wanting to say anything. “I-I am sorry”

“Why are you sorry Aisha” Jeonghan turned his head to face her, she was looking at him directly, “I didn’t tell you… and yesterday night I was crying, you are supposed to know these… even the small details… about me and the baby-”

“Our baby Aisha, not the baby or anyone else’s baby, it’s our baby, you are the mother and I am the father.” He corrected her and that’s when she saw the genuine look in his eyes, “I am so sorry Jeonghan, I am-” he put his fingers on her lips, “Stop this sorry game, Aisha, it’s okay. From now on, focus on the good things okay? I want you to be happy. Okay? And I don’t know why you were crying but next time if you feel like crying let me know, I will take away all your stress and make you feel better” Maybe Jeonghan knew she was crying because of Seungcheol but he couldn’t risk anything at all, he can’t bring her name back, not after the doctor told her not to stress. And right now, even the slightest thing can trigger her. Jeonghan had one thing set in his mind, and that was to make Aisha smile more than anything and be by her side. She is his wife now; she is her responsibility and he doesn’t want anything to go wrong.

 He cupped her cheeks, “So, don’t worry. I am there by your side only so don’t think too much, and yes, I should know if anything happens to you, okay?” she nodded. “Thank you Jeonghan” he just smiled at her.

“Now let’s go home?” Aisha nodded and Jeonghan started driving back to their home.

On the way home, Jeonghan was thinking how to make Aisha feel better, and the fact she had a breakdown yesterday and he wouldn’t want this to repeat ever again

You shouldn’t have been here

 Seungcheol one shot

Pairing: Seungcheol x Fem reader

Genre: angst

Word count: 4.6K

Warnings: mention of guns, bullets, firing, losing of parents at a young age, implied death

Author’s Note: Firstly, Merry Christmas!! and here's a fic, I've been wanting to write, I finally got some time to write and completed it, this is definitely not the ideal fic to post on Christmas TT but here it is, and ofc it's mafia fic. Hope you like this~

Happy reading ~

“I’ll be back tomorrow, I love you” and she kissed him. He looked happy and so was she, “I’ll wait for you, too bad I don’t have a night shift tonight and you’re leaving. Bed would be cold without you” Seungcheol was caging her and he didn’t want her to leave. There was a hidden sadness in her face, but she looked at him with eyes full of love. “I’ll be back tomorrow Cheol, I promise I’ll be back tomorrow morning before you leave for work” and she smiled at him.

“text me or call me once you reach, okay?” he was always protective of her, but why wouldn’t he be, after all she was his wife. “I will now get some sleep” She kissed him and left.

She was driving her car and she was thinking about Seungcheol, she looked at the time, it was 08:08 pm exactly, Seungcheol’s birthday date. There was a faint smile on her face but she focused on the road.

“Would you like an upgradation from my girlfriend to my wife?” the way Seungcheol was looking at her while giving the bouquet, no words could describe how he was feeling. She was overwhelmed, but she wanted to be herself and be with him. Seungcheol was her home, her home when there was no one for her.

The moment Seungcheol knelt down, and showed her the ring, “I want you to be my wife, I want to spend my whole life with you, will you marry me?” marriage for Sihyun was something she always dreamed of but marrying the person she loves the most and actually wants to spend her whole life was something she just dreamt of or maybe something like a fever dream but happening infront of her, she was unable to say a single word, tears were threatening to fall, “Ye-Yes” it was her broken voice, Seungcheol heard her voice, and smiled at her, once he took her hand and made her wear the ring, he got up and cupped her face. “I love you so much Sihyun, I love you so much, I can’t live without you”

“I love you too Seungcheol” and he kissed her softly; he would always kiss her softly, for him, she is someone who deserves all the happiness and everything and of course him.

He suddenly lifted her up and twirled her around, “I am so happy Sihyun” he could only hear her laughs and for her, he was her whole world.

She parked the car, and took out her bag and went towards the apartment. Once she was inside, she went towards the lift and pressed the top floor button, she looked at her watch, and in a fraction of a second she was at the top floor.

She went towards the door and pressed the doorbell. “You’re here” Sihyun smiled at Hanuel, “Come inside”

Sihyun stepped inside, and took off her heels then went straight towards the living room. “Want to eat something?” Sihyun shook her head, she was in a conflict in her mind, and in deep thoughts about Seungcheol, “No, I already had dinner with Seungcheol”

“I see, how is he doing?”

“He is good.” Haneul sat facing her, “Is something bothering you?”

Sihyun wasn’t a big opener about her problems, the only person she trusted a lot was Seungcheol, beside that sharing her problems with anyone else felt like a burden to her at times but then she could always use the company of Hanuel and Seungmin. “I don’t know” and she sighed, Hanuel looked at her, Sihyun was always lost in deep thoughts nowadays, it’s been months but she wasn’t opening up, maybe Seungmin knew about it.

“Sihyun if you don’t say what’s the matt-”

“I think Seungcheol was doubting me somewhere but why would he?”

“He’s doubting you?” Sihyun nodded, “Did he drop any hints?” Sihyun nodded. “And these things are making me doubt him, I wonder what is he doing and what not, I never felt like this all these eight years, everything was going smoothly but why now? when everything is going so smoothly. Seungcheol was that person in my life, who taught me how to trust but now? if one single thing happens and falls apart, it’s all over.”

“Don’t worry too much, he won’t know and you’ve a reason Sihyun. You’re not hurting him or something, it’s you. You love him, you can never wish for his downfall.”

“But Hanuel if what I am thinking is true then why would he lie to me, I need to know him, his intentions, I can’t take any betrayal after all these years I spent with him”

“You’re overthinking Sihyun, Seungcheol is not that kind of guy, who would lie to you for so long.”

“But Seungmin? He can never be wrong, and he always tells me the things he found out, if what me and Seungmin are thinking are true then I would be making myself a fool infront of my whole team and family.”

“Don’t overthink too much, Sihyun. Be the way you are.” Sihyun sighed and looked at the time, today it took her almost two hours to come here. “I need to change and then we will leave. Inform Seungmin to come here, and I will go in his car, I can’t risk taking my car this time not after Seungcheol’s car passed through the same place and we were almost about to cross eachother’s path that night”

“Okay” saying that Sihyun took her bag and went to Hanuel’s bedroom to change her clothes.

Once she was inside, she started changing her clothes, a black dress, a black leather jacket, black boots, and a small pendent. She did her makeup lightly and looked at the mirror. “Sihyun, what are you doing?” “This is all for the people who left you alone”

The look was giving her an intimidating vibe; which was enough to let people know this is how a leader should behave. Once she was done with her hair, tying it up in a low ponytail, she came out of the room only to see Seungmin sitting on the couch.

“Are you ready for tonight?” Seungmin asked and she nodded, “Always have to be ready. Is everyone ready?” he nodded, “Everything’s ready and everyone is on their way. And everything is inside my car.”

“Perfect. We need to get this either way.”

“Don’t worry, everything will go your way, and I don’t think they will find us today as well, we’ve been eluding them till now without any problem and today’s a big day for us.”

“Seungmin, we can’t overlook the fact that Seungcheol’s car passed through the same place that night, and last time, it was barely three minutes difference and I cannot risk it again.”

“But you said he is staying home, right?” Seungmin looked serious, Seungcheol was one reason everyone was stressed, “Yes”

“So, don’t worry Sihyun, nothing will go wrong and it’s our day today.” Sihyun was stressed but she couldn’t show it infront of Haneul. She smiled at her, “Yes, let’s get going. We need to reach by midnight and since it will take time, let’s go now.”

They were ready and went down to the basement, Sihyun got inside Seungmin’s car and Hanuel took hers. “Can I drive Seungmin?”

“Do you want to blow off some steam tonight?” Sihyun smiled, Seungmin being her right-handed man, always knew, how driving was her way to release stress and it’s rare for them to go hit the racing circuit after she got married, most of the time spending time with Seungcheol would take away her stress or at times it would be Seungcheol who would make love and Sihyun could never deny him because he always gave her the best cuddles after that and the sleep would be the best one.

“Once we are done with the deal, I’ll let you drive” and Seungmin started the car, “since you’re going back to your husband’s arms tomorrow morning. I know you, can’t even stay away from him Sihyun; you love him so much and it shows it on your face.”

“But sometimes I feel this is wrong, carrying out the whole gang and then going back to his arms as if nothing happened. Sometimes I feel like I will pay the price for being the leader and being happy.”

“You’re doing this for your people Sihyun, never blame yourself and you have every right to be happy. You chose Seungcheol because you love him but you didn’t abandon us so doesn’t matter. You are happy.”

“You know, yesterday we went to meet Jeonghan and his wife, and when I saw Seungcheol holding their little angel in his arms, I realized how badly I want Seungcheol to be the father of our child.” Seungmin stopped the car in the traffic and looked at Sihyun, Sihyun looked like she was somewhere in her own world. The love for Seungcheol was something that always made her weak whenever it came to work, her work was dangerous, and her life was dangerous but living with Seungcheol she was always afraid, of leaving him and what’s coming for her next. She can’t risk everything but she is risking everything because of him after all.

They entered their house and Seungcheol locked the door, “Seungcheol” Sihyun’s voice was barely audible, she was about to go upstairs to their bedroom but she stopped but still didn’t face Seungcheol, she was hesitating, she never felt like this. Till date she always felt having kids is something she can never think about, being a mother and the thoughts of parenting always haunted her and specially after thinking how she saw her family getting killed infront of her eyes, when she was barely nine years. She was reminded of what is her work and whatever is she going to say had the power to flip her whole world upside down. Because one mistake from her side and it’s all over.

She felt Seungcheol’s steps approaching her, soon he wrapped his arms around her waist, “What happened my love?” Sihyun was deep in her thoughts, how would Seungcheol react and what if the past that happened with her repeats? Seungcheol knew she lost her family when she was nine years old but he doesn’t know why. Seungcheol knew her but at the same time he didn’t. “Sihyun” his voice was low, and he rested his head on her head, Sihyun turned around to look at him, “Cheol”

“Yes my love?” and that was it. ‘my love’

“A thought crossed my mind today when you were holding Jeonghan and Luna’s lil angel Mirae, I wondered how would you look holding a lil angel who looked like you, your eyes, your dimples, your smile” a smile spread on Sihyun’s face, “Even I want our little angel to look like you.” Sihyun’s eyes widened in the realization of what he had said, “What do you-” Before she could say anything, he kissed her. Seungcheol always wanted Sihyun’s approval in this matter, he always dreamt of holding their baby that’s why he waited till Sihyun said it. He had faith in Sihyun she would be a good mother and they would make nice parents.

“Looks like my baby is finally ready to take the next step” he looked at her and said, Sihyun was unable to say anything, “I was waiting for you to say” Sihyun realized how much Seungcheol respected her. “I love you so much” and she kissed him, and pulled herself back. Seungcheol held Sihyun shoulder and his other hand was holding her cheeks; he leaned closer and Sihyun could see what he was going to do next. He kissed her and her hands traveled from his shoulder to his neck, Seungcheol pulled her closer and she parted, “I love you too” and kissed her again. Seungcheol parted after they were out of breath and he picked her up in his arms “Let’s make you feel how much I love you” Sihyun smiled at him and buried her head in his embrace

“What did he say?” She looked at Seungmin, who was looking at her, “Even I want our little angel to look like you”

“Isn’t that good?” Seungmin’s voice was low, “You know what happened with my family and why, I am scared Seungmin, I am scared of what’s coming, and having a baby, I can, I want to with Seungcheol, I want to have our own small little family but the fear is still there. And I don’t want my baby anywhere near my work. I don’t want my baby to find out who I am which is impossible Seungmin and then there are chances of everyone getting targeted.” Sihyun sighed

“Don’t stress too much about it Sihyun” Sihyun smiled at Seungmin.

Soon, they reached and Seungmin parked the car. “Everything’s at the back seat” Sihyun nodded and went to check everything at the back seat. “Are the guns loaded?” Seungmin nodded, Sihyun took her gun and kept it with her. “Let’s try not to kill anyone tonight. I don’t want anyone interrupting our deal” Seungmin nodded and they saw Hanuel’s car parking. Hanuel came out of her car with her gun in her hand. Seungmin was holding a briefcase and they all went inside the warehouse.

“Everyone’s ready with everything?” the whole gang was there and they nodded, “Yes ma’am” There was the seat of Sihyun, she was walking gracefully with Seungmin, her right-handed man. Hanuel stepped back and stayed as the incharge of everyone. “Everyone’s safety should be the priority along with our deal, okay?”

“Yes ma’am”

“When are they coming Hanuel?” Sihyun took a seat and asked her, “They are almost here.”

“Good” Once they are in their work mood, there’s no friendship, it’s work relationship. That’s how Sihyun taught herself to handle the whole mafia gangs, she was the leader. Her identity was hidden, she was living a normal life without exposing her identity of mafia leader. She was the leader of Mafia and she handled everything with Seungmin.

“They’re here.” Hanuel said.

Sihyun crossed her legs and nodded, “Let the boss in and everyone stay outside. You too Hanuel.”

“But-” Hanuel was surprised because Sihyun never did this, “I said, OUT EVERYONE.”

“Okay ma’am” Seungmin was with Sihyun, “What’s wrong?”

“I want this deal to be just between us, no interruption Seungmin, I do not want anyone else inside and we can’t let our guards down, no matter what”

Once everyone was outside, it was just Sihyun and Seungmin; the other gang leader entered the warehouse, he was with his man. “Looks like you wanted only me tonight?” Sihyun wasn’t liking the way this man was talking to her, being the leader and a woman she knew, how she could be treated by other leaders but Seungmin was always there by her side, and never let these men get her. Last time a man talked down with Sihyun, Seungmin lost his clam but Sihyun killed him, that’s when there was almost a war because Sihyun killed an underboss.

“Did you forget how I killed him and do you want to be the next guy, who wants to get killed by my precious gun?” there was a smirk on her face.

The guy had his hands up, “Okay, I surrender, I am here for money and you’re here for your weapons, once the deal is done, it’s over”

“Good, come and take a seat.” Sihyun smiled. The man came and took a seat opposite to her, it was the leader of Kwon gang. One of the top gangs and also a ruthless one.

Once they showed each other, whatever they need, Sihyun checked the weapons and Seungmin showed the money. “Looks like this weapon deal is done” the guy had a smirk, and Sihyun smiled, “Yes” she took a pause and leaned towards him, “But always remember not to mess up with my people, I won’t hesitate to kill you and your members next time I see them killing any of my man or trying to hack our systems” Sihyun looked intensely at him, “Okay?”

“Well, you can’t order around like that Kim Sihyun” she had a smirk, “Of course I can, because all of my men are outside, and your people are already taken down. That’s what you pay for trying to hack our system and killing two of my men”

“Are you out of your mind?” she smiled at him, “I wish I was, but that’s how you handle double-faced people. Now get up and walk away, and remember not to mess up with me” he got up and at the same time, Sihyun and Seungmin heard Hanuel’s voice in their in-ear “Seungcheol and a team is almost here, get out of this place with Sihyun. RIGHT NOW.”

“Leave, they are here.” By the time, Sihyun’s voice was heard, everything turned upside down in a second, “Do not wait for me, leave. LEAVE HANUEL, TAKE EVERYONE AWAY I WANT EVERYONE TO BE SAFE.” Sihyun threw her in-ear and looked at Seungmin, “You take everything and leave first”

“No”

“I said, LEAVE.”

“I REFUSE KIM SIHYUN”

“THIS IS AN ORDER” By the time she could say one more word, she heard the door open and she pushed Seungmin, “If you ever cared about me, then leave” and that was it, Seungmin had no choice, and Sihyun didn’t know what was she going to do?

Surrender to Seungcheol? When she doesn’t even know why is he here?

To prove herself right that Seungcheol was lying to her and is an undercover agent?

That Seungcheol was the following her?

“Hands up” and then she heard her husband’s voice. And Seungmin couldn’t leave because of his loyalty, no matter how much Sihyun pushed him away. She could recognize his footsteps, and they were getting closer.

She saw him holding a gun and she was standing there face to face with him. Never in her nightmare, she was prepared for a day like this, standing face to face with Seungcheol and him pointing a gun towards her.

“What are you doing here? You shouldn’t have been here.” He screamed, the anger was visible on his face, he was pointing his gun toward her and in a second, everyone was pointing a gun towards her, “Lower your guns, not a single bullet should be fired and no one should hurt her or I will shoot you myself” his voice was stern, Sihyun rarely saw Seungcheol being pissed but today was something else, it was a blow-off for both of them. No one dared to speak a single word, “But sir-”

“STAND DOWN I SAID” Seungcheol’s voice almost made her flinch, but her expression stayed the same.

“So? Sihyun, how long have you been lying to me about everything?” he asked, his voice was almost unrecognizable to himself, she couldn’t answer and it was very evident that Seungcheol was pissed. She didn’t have any answer, “You also lied to me Seungcheol” and then she looked at him, directly in his eyes. No one had any answer, both were doing their own job, and falling in love was something that was never in their plan and how worse it could be that, the case Seungcheol was assigned and Sihyun was the mastermind and leader of everything. It was her job to protect her team and familia but it was his job to take her down, how could the universe be so cruel?

The pain and hurt were visible in his eyes, he wanted to prove himself wrong tonight, it’s been more than years since Seungcheol was assigned this thing, and he was an undercover agent. He was feeling cheated on his trust, he almost had a fight with his vice-team leader about Sihyun being the leader and he said he would prove them wrong tonight that’s why he lied to Sihyun about going out.

But here he is, standing face to face gun pointed towards his own wife, who was a ruthless gang leader. How could he do this to his own wife?

“You shouldn’t have been here SIHYUN” his screams weren’t helping him at all. There was just silence, no one spoke a single word.

“You shouldn’t have been here not after all this” Seungcheol’s mind wasn't working at all, looking at his wife as the person who was behind all this, she was the prime suspect but he was in denial and now that she is standing infront of him, he was more than shocked and angry.

“Seungcheol, remember I love you but for once in my life, I am going to choose my job” and she took out her loaded gun and pointed at him. Sihyun had no choice. “Let him leave and I will be the one here” Seungcheol, never said no to his wife, for him she was always the priority but he couldn’t even let his emotions take over him right now, he was on his duty. “If I let him go then what are you going to do Sihyun?” if her eyes could tell him how hurt she was when she heard her own name, she wasn’t used to this Seungcheol. “I am the one, you need.” She took a pause and looked at Seungmin, “Let him go.”

“Bring him” Another officer went to bring Seungmin, he was holding Seungmin. “Leave him” Seungcheol agreed and Seungmin had to walk away from the warehouse, Seungcheol knew what he was doing, he was trying to make Sihyun vulnerable and he had his team all over this place, once Seungmin stepped out of this warehouse, he is going to be caught by the officers and he would be taken away from this place.

“Now, put that gun down. You cannot leave this place” she shook her head, “I won’t and mind it, by the time you take me down, everyone would be gone, I saved my members already.” Sihyun’s eyes never looked away from Seungcheol’s eyes, there was a tension only they knew. “I gave you my heart already and there’s nothing left to give you anymore. My love, my heart and my whole life, it’s all yours. The day I realised I was in love, I knew what I was signing up for, the love the betrayal. I kept myself prepared for the day, maybe someone will ask me to surrender for being the leader but, never in my wildest nightmare I imagined you, that you would be here as the officer and telling me to put my gun down?”

“Why would you lie about yourself Seungcheol?” she was hurt, he knew she was hurt. It was his mission, he couldn’t even share this even after getting married, he wanted this mission to be over so that he could tell Sihyun and be happy. Seungcheol was feeling betrayed but on the other hand Sihyun was also feeling betrayed, both were on their duty and the crime of being in love and married to eachother was enough to tear them apart. “I love you Seungcheol and I can give up on my life for you but I can’t betray my family and knowing how they weren’t even my blood but someone I could call my family. And after knowing how much me and my people had to go through, I can’t step back. Do you want to know who made me like this?” Sihyun’s eyes were speaking, Sihyun never opened up totally with her past and Seungcheol was always waiting for her to say it without forcing her. “You and your organization” she had a tight smile “They didn’t take a single step when our family was killed. My own family died infront of my eyes, I never told you, how but my family was killed infront of my eyes when I was just nine years. And the people you’re working with, you call them justice?” she let out a smirk, remembering how she still gets the nightmare of her family getting killed infront of her, it was another reason why she afraid to be with Seungcheol. “It turned a blind eye and that was it.”

“I was alone until I found you.” all the memories of Seungcheol felt like a flashback to her.

“Seungcheol” she took a deep breath, she wanted to be calm and say everything that’s inside her but her heart was beating like crazy because she was nervous. “Your smile heals me. You make me happy and I admire you a lot. You helped me to find a home, a home I can always return back to. I want to give you all the love, more than you deserve. I call you, ‘My Seungcheol’ because you are everything to me. Love is not just a word I can use to describe you, you are a feeling, an emotion for me, you always give me a heart-warming feeling that no one else can ever give to me. You are my own Seungcheol. I will never keep a secret from you and will stay with you in all your happiness and sadness. I am ready to share my life with you and take one more step towards us. I love you too”

Once the exchange of rings was over, the priest then asked, “Do you Choi Seungcheol take Kim Sihyun, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to share your life openly, standing with her in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in hardship and in ease to cherish and love forever more?” her eyes were fixed on Seungcheol, and she heard “I Do” it felt like her whole world stopped for him. He smiled at her, his dimples. Another reason she never wanted to let go of him.

The priest turned to Sihyun, “Do you Kim Sihyun take Choi Seungcheol, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to share your life openly, standing with her in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in hardship and in ease to cherish and love forever more?” She took a deep breath and replied, “I do”

“You may now kiss your Bride”

The kiss was one overwhelming one and it had so many emotions in them. She couldn’t believe she made this decision, this was the second decision she made for herself. She was happy, she could feel the happiness, just for today she wanted to be the girl she wanted to be, forgetting about her duties as a leader. She wanted to be just ‘Seungcheol’s Wife’

“Why would you do this Sihyun? Why? Was everything a lie?” Seungcheol couldn’t process anything, everything Sihyun told him yesterday about have a little one and being a happy family was coming back to him as a flashback.

“You’re my happiness and my home but seems like at the end of the day you would also leave me. You knew everything about me Seungcheol except one fact, I am the leader you’ve been looking for since years, even before we met, if only I knew this is how it was going to end then I wouldn’t have met you” by this time, Sihyun was tearing up, it reminded of all the best memories Seungcheol gave her. How her life was beautiful after meeting him, “I love you but I hate your organization and now that I know you’re the one who was handling my case, I can’t even hate you. It all fell down.”

“I always had a motto, and that was to ‘die with dignity’” and with that the grip around her gun got tighter, “Thankyou Seungcheol for all these amazing seven years, I love you” and she fired.

The moment the bullet was fired, Seungcheol moved from his place but his bullet hit her right there and against his will he realized he shot her.

“Sihyun” was the last thing she heard before falling into the floor.

And the very next day, it was Seungcheol who received the award standing infront of the whole crowd, he was holding the trophy. He gave his speech and only he knew how much it was hurting. Only he knew, how he saw his wife dying, the tears that were threatening to fall, didn’t deserve to fall. It was the pain of losing his wife, his support system, his love, and the person he trusted the most, but then what is even trust?

He was the one who shot his wife and here he is being awarded for that.

All the dreams died down the moment she took her last breath infront of him saying she still loved him even after this.

Meri Chaand 🌙

SYNOPSIS. This was their first karwachauth after their arranged marriage

PAIRING. husband!choi seungcheol x female reader

GENRE. fluff, established relationship

WARNINGS. Mention of fasting, a kiss, terms of endearment

WORD COUNT. 3.2K

AUTHOR’S NOTE. Can’t believe I am back with this, this was in my drafts for toooo long and finally posting this, well while proofreading I almost couldn’t believe that it was me who wrote this and Seungcheol after all. But here it is, hope you all like this Happy reading :)

TAG. @thepoopdokyeomtouched @aestheticfangirl

I woke up as soon as I heard my alarm, I felt Seungcheol stir in his sleep. I didn’t want to wake him up, I wanted to be as quiet as possible. Somewhere I didn’t want to tell him about any of this, because I didn’t know if he believed this tradition or not.

I woke up quietly and walked towards the walk-in closet, and after choosing my clothes I went to take a shower. I relaxed as soon the warm water hit my body, all the memories, flood in from yesterday. “Do you have work tomorrow?” I nodded, “but it’s work from home. I have to attend a few meetings that’s it”

“Oh, I thought you had an off day” I looked at him, I wanted him to say because it felt like I was forgetting something but then I wanted to hear it from him. “It’s karwachauth tomorrow so I thought…” he trailed off, and then it clicked in my mind, maa told me about this today morning before I left for work and even told me about the sargi. I don’t even know if he believes this or not. “Oh, no we don’t have off because of karwachauth” he nodded. “All good then and you can tell maa if- his words were cut off because of a call he received. I was getting sleepy either way, I didn’t wait for him when he walked out of the room to talk.

I don’t believe in all these traditions and saw my mom doing everything every year, till last year but there was something inside me, where I wanted to keep the fast.

I got ready and went downstairs, I saw maa already setting the sargi, “Nishita?” I smiled at her, I took her blessings but she held my shoulders and hugged me. “Are you sure?” I nodded, “Here’s your sargi,” She asked me yesterday about the fast and I agreed.

“Eat this before the sunrise.” I nodded. I was about to go towards the room but then the thought of Seungcheol getting disturbed and then asking me so many things, hit me so I didn’t go to my room. “Can I eat it here in the living room?”

“You don’t want to go back to your room?” I shook my head, “Seungcheol is sleeping and I don’t want to disturb him. He came late and then I don’t know when he came to sleep after he received a call at 11:30 pm yesterday.” She held my cheeks and smiled, “You care for him so much Nishita” I smiled at her. “Everyone deserves some rest and I have work from home today so it’s fine for me, but he should get enough rest” She kissed my forehead, “He is lucky” I smiled.

I ate my sargi and once I was done, I went to keep the plates in the sink. Despite our arranged marriage, I always wondered how would things turn out after marriage, he gave me the personal space whenever I needed, and he never forced me into anything, things were changing, it’s been nine months after our marriage already, and for me, things were slowly changing. The care he showed even without asking me was something that always got me. And the least I could do for him was to fulfil the traditions I should do as his wife.

I looked outside and it was already sunrise, and I looked at the clock, it read 6:33 am

I went back to my room, well aware of Seungcheol’s alarm of 7:00 am. He usually works out in the morning for like one hour, so it’s his time to get up. I went to take out my laptop, to check everything for the meeting I had to attend. I was holding my Mac and walked towards the bed, and I was surprised to see Seungcheol awake, “Nishi?”

“Seungcheol?”

“You’re already awake?” I nodded at his words. His eyes went to the laptop I was holding, “do you have a meeting now?”

“No, but I need to check a few things before the meeting because I would be talking to the client mainly.” Another reason was to distract myself today and I wanted to ask him why was he awake, since it wasn’t even 7 am yet. He looked lost, and we were just looking at each other, more like staring at each other.

“Subah ho gai?” I nodded

“Umm, good morning” I looked at him and replied, “Good morning” We didn’t do this usually, what’s gotten into him?

“I will go get ready.” I nodded and kept my Mac on the night table. Once he went towards the closet, I fixed the bedsheets and went to sit on the bed with my Mac.

I saw him walking back with his sweatshirt on, I looked at him, “I am going for workout” I nodded at him. I was checking files, then it hit me. It was already 7 am and I had to make breakfast.

I closed my Mac and went downstairs, I saw maa already inside the kitchen, “You’re here?” she looked at me, “Yes, how could I not help you in making breakfast?”

“But you don’t have to do a lot of work today because in the evening we have to do the preparations. So don’t stress too much and you’ve two meetings today.”

“It’s fine maa, and making breakfast is a daily thing, why an exception today?” she looked at me and smiled, “You’re just so beautiful”

“what were you planning to make today?” I asked her, and I went to wash my hands, “something Seungcheol likes” I turned my head to her, “something he likes?” she nodded, “do you want to cook something else?” I shook my head, “he likes Sabudana Khichdi aur Rawa Uttapam” She smiled at me, “Let’s make both and Sangyeon wanted to eat Sabudana ki kichadi yesterday, so I soaked Sabudana overnight, already” I saw, the bowl and went to drain it, “you can cut the vegetables for uttapam, I will do this.” She nodded and once drained, I dry-roasted peanuts, I personally didn’t like peanuts but he did.

Once done, I started making it carefully, and to my surprise, today it turned out nicely; I looked over maa, and noticed she was almost done with the chopping and preparations for rava uttapam. “Maa, let me do this”

“You already made Sabudana” I looked at her, “it’s fine. You can go and check up on others, I can do this. I don’t have any work right now as well” She gave up after I insisted, for some unknown reason I wanted to make breakfast today maybe because I was very relaxed and had no work or I was just bored.

It didn’t take a lot of time to cook for everyone, I was almost done and then I heard maa “Go and call Seungcheol, it’s breakfast time” I kept everything and nodded at her. “I will set the table for everyone.”

I went to our room and I saw Seungcheol buttoning his white shirt, I shook my head and sighed. Doesn’t matter how many times I told him not to walk like this, infront of him but he is like ‘It’s my house, I can walk however I want, I can be naked anytime I want’

His strong scent filled the whole room, I walked towards him, “Breakfast’s ready, maa is calling” Once he was done with his shirt, he took out the tie. He looked at me, “help me?” I sighed and took the tie. Despite his height I managed to help him with his tie, unknowingly today I noticed, we were standing way too close, his breaths were hitting my collarbone which was making it difficult for me to focus on his tie.

“And you’re done” I took a step back and almost stumbled back, but he was quick to hold my waist and pull me closer, “Be careful Nishi” his voice was deeper than usual, the moment he let go of my waist, I let out the breath I was holding.

“Let’s go for breakfast, it’s almost time.”

“I have to leave, I have a meeting” I turned to look at him, “meeting?”

“Yes, I was supposed to tell you yesterday but when I came back to room, you were asleep.”

“But I made your favorite...sabudana” I almost whispered the last word.

“I’m sorry, I’ve to leave” He went out of the room and I followed him, almost disappointed but then I understand, him being the CEO and doing everything. I knew he had work but skipping breakfast? It’s something he never did and rather always tells everyone else that they shouldn’t skip their breakfast.

“Seungcheol” both of us turned to look at maa, “aa jao khane, Nishita ne pyaar se banaya hai aaj”

“Aaj nehi maa, meeting hai.”

“Lekin, Nishi ne bahut pyaar se banaya hai”

“Maa, it’s okay.” He turned to look at me, he had apologetic eyes.

“I’m sorry” I shook my head and gave him a tight smile, “it’s okay, I get it.” Whereas this was the first time he was skipping breakfast.

He went out in a hurry and I looked at Sangyeon and papa, enjoying breakfast. Sangyeon was almost taken aback when maa informed that I was fasting today.

*****

After I was done with the meetings, I looked at the time, it was already evening. I was getting sleepy and tired, I heard a knock on the door. “Are you done for the day?” I looked at maa, walking towards the bed where I was sitting. I nodded, “all done”

“Good, everything’s almost done, I wanted to inform you that, there’s a ritual which is followed in our house, which is you have to wear your wedding saree today.” I nodded, “okay I will get ready”

“Once you’re ready come downstairs.” I nodded.

I looked at the time, it was already 6 pm which meant Seungcheol should have come by now. I shrugged off the thoughts and went towards the walk-in closet, to check my wedding saree.

After searching a bit, I found my saree. I took everything out and went to change. After changing into the saree and fixing everything perfectly, I looked in the mirror and started getting ready. I wore my kajal and eyeliner. I applied liptint and once I was done with my hair, I looked at myself and smiled. I picked up my earrings and wore it. Somewhere my mind was stuck with Seungcheol, why was he late? Would he make it today when the moon will come out? Did he believe in this?

I was skeptical about everything, and him leaving early today, and missing breakfast was something I never thought I would witness. I knew the meaning of the fast, it was for his wellbeing, and it didn’t matter if he believed it or not but I was unsure myself…now

I tried to smile looking at the mirror.

I was ready, so I went downstairs and there I saw the way everything was kept and decorated; “Nishita, come here” I went to sit beside maa, we had to decorate the kalash and other things, once everything was done and kept in the thali, we had to go to the terrace

The moment I stepped on the terrace, I was getting anxious, because there was no sign of him yet.

**********

SEUNGCHEOL

I looked at the time, didn’t matter how much I wanted to have coffee, I resisted eating or drinking anything today.

I don’t know if Nishi believed in all these traditions but I wanted to keep the fast for her; I didn’t believe in these until she came to my life. There was something about her which always told me to believe everything, let it be god, fate or destiny.

I felt at my worst when I told her I wouldn’t be having my breakfast, knowing she made my favourite and the disappointment on her face was visible. The whole day she was stuck in my mind, I knew how much karwachauth meant for my mother, I always admired her for all these; not knowing I would be doing this one day for my own wife.

woh vrat nehi rakhegi toh mai rakhlunga, that’s what I told myself.

Once I was done with all the meetings and everything, I walked down to the basement to drive back home. I looked at the time, hoping I wasn’t very late.

The moment I reached home, I saw no one downstairs, were they on the terrace already? I came across Sangyeon who was already wearing a kurta, “where’s Nishi?”

“Bhabi?” he looked at me, “She’s with maa on the terrace. You should go and wait for the moon, it’s almost late bhai, what were you even doing this late” he walked past me.

I went to our room and saw, my kurta set on the bed, “did Nishi take these out for me?” I was about to call her but I remembered she wasn’t here, she was with maa.

I changed my clothes and got ready. I went to the walk-in closet and took out the payal I brought for Nishi, more or less this was our first karwachauth and how could I let it go like this?

I kept them inside my pocket and went upstairs.

The moment I reached the rooftop, I almost stopped my steps when I saw her turning around to look at me, she was wearing the saree that she wore at our wedding, I could never forget the look on her face.

Right now, she looked so pretty, with her half-braided hair, pretty earrings, pretty eyeliner, her golden chain, and her mangalsutra. The way she looked right now, I was ready to keep all the fasts for her, so that she could shine brightly like the moon in my dark days, I wanted to give her all the happiness she deserved, she didn’t deserve to shed a single tear in her life. And I was here to make sure she received all the happiness.

 I walked towards her, almost in surprise; she was holding the thali which had everything.

Once I was standing infront of her, she gave me a tight smile, “I almost thought you would be very late”

“And here I thought you didn’t believe in any of these?”

“I didn’t believe in these but felt like you believed in this and I had faith in you” She almost whispered those three words which were enough for me to hear. “Chand dikh gaya” she hurriedly, put her pallu over her head, she looked so beautiful, just the way she looked that night, when we were getting married. Nothing could compare to how beautiful she looked.

She lit up the diya, then kept the diya on the sieve then while looking at the moon through the sieve she poured the water from the kalash. I watched her do everything and somewhere my heart wanted to capture the moment forever, the adoration and dedication in her eyes told me something else. She kept the empty kalash on the other side and then turned to look at me through the sieve. I was looking at her through the sieve, and I was lost in her eyes.

Her eyes always pulled me closer to her, there was always something in her that pulled me closer and made me fall in love with her, they say marriages always happen if there’s love but then how would anyone explain this? I fell for her the moment I saw her in saree at our wedding. The way she looked at me told me, already that I fell for her. The admiration on her face was nothing compared to billions of diamonds. She was the most precious diamond I ever had.

She gave me a smile through the sieve and she was about to keep the sieve on the other side but before she could do that, I held the sieve and looked at her, she was taken aback.

“Seungcheol?” I smiled at her

“I found my moon.” She was surprised, I could say she never thought I would do this.

“fast rakhe ho?” I didn’t reply to her and I heard my mother, “Tu manta bhi nehi tha yeh sab, aur aaj kya hua?”

“Chand mili hai mujhe apni, toh itna karna toh banta hai na agar isko hamesha apne paas rakhna hai aur aise hi chamakta hua dekhna hai toh? Meri chaand itna toh deserve karti hi hai maa” She looked lost. I couldn’t tell if she was surprised, or was overwhelmed, or taken aback.

Once done, I took out the diya from the sieve and kept it on the thali, and the sieve on the table. After that, she did the arti, and I was smiling throughout the time, she looked so beautiful even with the light of the flame. I took the kalash from the thali and I helped her drink the water and broke her fast.

“Ab meri baari jaan” that last word just slipped out of my mouth unknowingly and I was almost flustered, but nothing compared to how flustered she looked.

“Seungcheol?”

 “Vrat Rakha hai, paani pilaogi tabhi tutega” she smiled at me and helped me drink the water.

She held the thali and fixed the pallu, and before she could bend down and touch my feet, I bent down and touched her feet. She was taken aback, well I have seen my mother do this to my father but here I wanted Nishi to give another place in my life.

I took the gulab jamun from the thali and gave her a bite, she took it from me and gave me a bite.

“Now one more thing, you deserve” She looked at me confused, “Ab kya baaki hai?”

“Fast bhi rakh liya mere liye, aur kya chahiye mujhe?” I bend down and patted my thighs, “Kya?”

I took out the box and showed her the payal, “Aaj hamara pehela karwachauth hai, toh yeh meri taraf se, ek chota sa taufa” she extended her leg and kept the feet on my thigh, I didn’t care if everyone in our family saw us, this was supposed to be our moment but couldn’t help if this because the public display of affection.

Once I put the payal around both her feet, I kissed her feet lightly. I got up, “thankyou so much” The urge to kiss her was getting high.

My hands cupped her cheeks, “pata hai kitni pyaari lag rahi ho aaj” she smiled at me.

She smiled at me and stole my heart again.

“Aise smile na kiya karo, jaan leni hai kya meri?” this was the first time I was this open with myself and my feelings, my feelings were taking over me.

“Maine kuch bhi- before she could complete her sentence, I kissed her.

I closed my eyes, and pulled her closer. Her lips tasted sweet because of gulab jamun, but I didn’t mind, I liked the taste of the kiss and her lips. I pulled back lightly and looked at her, before she could say anything, I kissed her again, “I love you” I said in between our kiss, “this is probably the first time I confessed and I mean it”

Love and religion fought. We lost.

PROMPT. “we tried we tried so much, but in the end we lost.”

PAIRING. Joshua x female reader

GENRE. angst

WARNINGS. Mention of blood, mcd, different religions, gun

WORD COUNT. 2.6K

AUTHOR’S NOTE. Finally I am here with this fic, I battled so much before posting, I don't want to offend any religion and I know it's a sensitive topic but I wanted to write it so bad. And since I decided to write angst for 13 members long ago, here's the first one. And angst being my favorite genre till now I tried doing justice to the fic, and since it's a bit of desi setting, it's a win for desi readers. Hope you like it. And I would be tagging people/readers who commented in that post earlier hehe ^^

Happy reading :)

TAG. @thepoopdokyeomtouched @aestheticfangirl @scarlet789 @nobraincellmode @woofie-nctzen-fanarts

Seventeen as angst trope

“You’re looking so pretty” I looked around, and saw my family members coming towards me and applying haldi on me, I looked at myself and saw myself wearing a yellow sharara, I saw my sister coming towards me and hugging me tight. “Hope you stay happy always like this, even after marriage” and somewhere my emotions were lost the moment someone told me this, I couldn't even recognize the voice at that point.

“Shua, I want to wear different outfits for all the ceremonies but too sad, you won’t be able to see me.” I smiled at him and he just laughed and pulled me closer in his embrace, “But you’re going to be my wife, so I would get a lifetime to watch you wear your favorite clothes” and he pinched my nose playfully. “I want to get married twice, one in all the traditions we follow and another one in your way. I don’t want to miss out on wearing a white gown and kissing you infront of everyone.”

“I’ll fulfill all your wishes, my love.”“I love you so much, Joshua”

“I love you too meri jaan” and he smiled at me once again, his smile was something that healed me every time.

“You look pretty Mishka, he is so lucky” and my mom kissed my forehead, I tried to look at her but somewhere I just couldn’t look at her at all, not after all this.

Everyone looked so happy and seemed like they were enjoying it every second, I tried to smile at them but I failed terribly. There was something wrong with me because I couldn’t express my emotions anymore. I failed to show them how I felt, as if my mind wanted to show them but my heart refused to do anything. It was the sign I lost, we lost.

“I would be the in-charge of the decorations, I want everything to be golden.”“You surely love the golden colour a lot Mishka” and he laughed and it was melody to my ears, “Yes I do and I love one more thing” he looked at me confused, “You” and I kissed him.

“You just know how to steal kisses.” And he pulled me closer by my neck and kissed me again. Every time I kissed him, I kissed him like it was my last kiss and I loved the feeling so much. I want to kiss him till the time I can’t kiss him anymore and I want to remember how he felt.

“Joshua”

“Yes, love”

“Do…you think…”“Think?” he was looking at me and I was feeling nervous, I wanted to say it loud, but he suddenly cupped my face. “What’s wrong?”

“I should tell them about us, it’s been eight years… already” “Mishka” he kissed me again and then looked at me, “if you want to tell your parents about us, you can. I’ll be there with you. We will go and talk to them, they will accept us.”

“Mishka, your mehendi looks so pretty” I turned to look at the person doing my mehendi, and here I wanted to put his initials. “And it’s done” The moment I looked at my hand, I saw the way my hand had someone else’s name’s initial, a stranger whom I don’t even know. I wanted to run away, but two things stopped me, Joshua’s thoughts and then my own family’s reputation. If I wanted, I could’ve taken a step and ran away already, but Joshua’s thoughts stopped me from doing anything.

It was raining and I ran outside, “Mishka, stop” I wanted to dance in the rain. “You’ll fall sick Mishka” For once I didn’t want to listen to his words, he always tells me I will fall sick but then he is the one who takes care of me so falling sick is worth it since he’s with me.

He suddenly came and picked me up, “Shua, oh god”

“I love you so much Mishka, I can’t explain. I want to marry you as soon as possible and want to make you mine officially.” I smiled at him, he had never confessed to me like this directly, and for marriage. He puts me down and looks at me, “Mishka, do you want to marry me?” I smiled at him, “And what makes you think that asking me like this would change my answer?” he looked nervous, “If I don’t marry you then I don’t know what will happen” “And I can never see you being someone else’s, so if you don’t marry me, I will die.”

“And I will never let that happen” and I kissed him. Losing him was never an option for me. He was my everything, he found me when I was left in the dark, and he was there for me when I was alone. And if I don’t get to be with the person I love the most, I have no idea what will I do ever in my life.

I parted and looked at him, “So will you marry me?” I nodded, “Yes, Joshua, I would be ruining my life if I said no to you” and he kissed me again under the rain.

I looked at myself, wearing the red lehenga, and I didn’t know how to respond to any of the fact, that I was getting married and my thoughts were interrupted, “Di, someone came to see you-”

“Mishi”

I turned to look at Joshua, Mishti was standing near the door and then there was Joshua beside her, “I would be leaving di, just know I am here for you.”

He walked towards me and hugged me tight, “Mishka, I can’t” I wanted to hug him tight, but my hands refused to move, no matter how much I wanted to hold him tight and cry in his embrace, he was home for me. He parted and cupped my face, “Mishka, let’s go. Let’s leave this place”

“Mishi, this is not what we want, it’s against our wish, let’s go. You’re not happy, I know it Mishka. I will take you somewhere you don’t have to suffer alone.”

“Joshua…”

“What happened Mishka? I am here for you, just for you. Let’s go, I know we can’t end like this.”

“Joshua, jo hona tha woh ho gaya, ab kuch nehi kar sakte hain, mere haatho me zanjeeren hai, koi reha nehi kar sakta aur.” (Joshua, we can’t do anything now, it’s all done, I am tied with shackles in my hand, and no one can free me anymore)

“Mishka, was it a lie?” and I had no answer, I couldn’t tell him directly, that, they told me they would kill him, if I went back to him.

“Maa, please listen to me once. Maa please” I was banging on the door but no one was listening to me, I wanted to run away. I want to run away from here and never come back. My tears were falling like no tomorrow.

“Mishka one more word and you know what can your dad do.”

“Maa, no. You won’t do anything. YOU CAN’T DO THIS!! Maa!!” I was banging on the door and then heard her unlock the door. The moment I saw her face, I started crying more, I wiped my tears and the moment I was about to say something hoping she would give me a chance to speak but she slapped me hard. She locked the door and dragged me towards my bed and pushed me there.

“One more word and Mishka-

Enough was enough, how could she do this to her own daughter?

“What was his fault? What was my fault? We just fell in love”

“Mishka you better- I wanted to scream, but the moment our eyes met, she shouted “Do you not know your dad? Do you not know what are the things that means a lot to your dad? And fault? We let you study outside and you do this to us?” “What did I do maa?” I walked towards her, my tears didn’t want to stop, they refused to listen to me for the first time. “If falling in love is a crime then yes, I did it. I DID IT” and another slap, “you are going nowhere and you are breaking up with him. You will leave him and get married to the guy we choose for you, who is right for you.” She was about to leave, but then turned back to look at me, “You don’t remember your limits? He’s a guy from a different religion and we are never saying yes to that. We can’t allow you, and remember society and reputation are everything for us.”

“Maa-” “Give up Mishka, I am against it. And don’t even think about running away, because I’m warning you again, your dad can go to any limits to separate you from him.” and that’s when I understood she wasn’t even joking, they can kill him, kill us anytime they want.

“We can’t Joshua” And I never told him the exact reason, because knowing him, he would not even regret telling me, he wanted to be together with me, didn’t matter if he stayed or died.

“We still have time, if you want we can run away right now and no one will get to know, we will go somewhere far” I took a deep breath and shook my head, clearly knowing what is going to be the consequence if I take this step, they will hunt me down and kill all of us.

“Joshua, we can’t”

“Joshua, we can’t be together, please move on from me.”

“Mishka-”

“Joshua.”

“Mis-”

“Joshua, we can’t, they will kill us. I CAN’T DO ANYTHING.” And that was the moment, I couldn’t hold back anything, if I knew I was going to be a coward for all my life then I wouldn’t have started any of this at all. I can’t even be happy with the person I love.

“And I had to choose, to see you getting killed or give up on us. And I choose you to be happy, happy without me.”

“Uss din se hamare saari bitaye lamhein, uss yaadon ke kamre me band ho gai” (that day all moments we spent together got locked in the room of our memories)

The moment he walked away from that room, I felt my heart shattering each second and into millions of pieces. I was the one who chose this for myself, letting go of the person whom I loved the most, even more than my own life. My choices in life were the ones which made me suffer the most but falling in love with him was never a choice, it was like fate and a string that was pulling me towards him and I went on with it.

I looked towards the door, from where he left, and saw Mishti coming inside, “Di, it’s time to go. Everyone’s waiting for you.” I took a deep breath and she hugged me tight, “Di, I hope he will understand” I hugged her tight, if only I could tell this to myself, but marriage? It’s the bond that holds two people together and there’s no turning back from the promises that would be made. “He can’t and so do I. I can’t make myself understand anything Mishti. I am hurting the person whom I love the most and it’s hurting me more.”

From there I don’t even remember how I walked down the aisle and I was already sitting beside the person with whom I was getting married, my face had no emotion. I couldn’t bring myself to look at anyone else. “Mishka, bring your hand forward” I was trying to focus on whatever was going on, but my body wasn’t responding to any of the words; I barely heard what maa said. I didn’t want to bring my hand forward, if I brought my hand and kept my hand on his, it would bind us forever in this sacred bond. “Mishka” Once more I hear her saying my name.

“Mishka” the moment I heard my name again but this was a different voice, I looked straight. I thought my eyes were deceiving me but I saw him walking towards me “You look so pretty Mishka, I always imagined you wearing this bridal lehenga, and look at you, you look so pretty but one thing I never imagined was, you wearing this and getting married to someone else.” and I couldn’t process anything, “you look so lovely Mishka, it feels like one of my dreams came true, partially I am so happy I got to see you in this.” I never interrupted him, but his voice was getting shaky, something which never happened to him, “Your parents came to visit me, they told me, they would never say yes and in the end, you chose them” “I am asking you for the one last time” and I could see the desperation on his face, “Take my hand and let’s runaway. I can’t see you getting married to someone else” he stopped, not very close to me and not very far from me.

There was silence, I almost couldn’t say anything, I wanted to say yes so badly but my whole family was holding me back, all the moments we spent together were flashing in front of me. I took a deep breath and was about to speak “Josh-”

“Looks like your silence and hesitation gave me the answer. Mishka, I love you so much that I can never explain in words, but one thing I can never do is, tumko kisi aur ka hote dekhna, I can never do that. I meant everything I told you that day.” He took out a gun and pointed at himself, and my reflexive action was to stand and run towards him, “Love and religion fought. We lost. We tried we tried so much, but in the end we lost. I will love you forever” And he shot himself, even before I could reach him, and his lifeless body was lying infront of me. I fell on my knees, I was holding his body, I tried shaking him, but there was no response, I wanted to hold his hand. The blood painted him and painted me red, I couldn’t see anything anymore. “Joshua, Joshua please wake up” I was shaking his body, I couldn’t do anything anymore, “Joshua, please wake up, let’s go”

I felt people coming towards me, all the emotions I was holding back, my tears came out and I was crying, I couldn’t stop.

“Mishka” and it was my mom, she was trying to pull me by my arm, but this time I pulled my arm back. I was holding Joshua’s hand and looked at her. “Dekh liya kya kar diya, khushi mil gai aap logo ko,” my mind wasn’t working anymore, “Losing yourself is better than losing the person you love and I saw the love of my life killing himself infront of me do you think I am in my right mind right now.” I grabbed the gun, “Mishka leave that”

“Mishka drop the gun”

“Mishka, don’t”

But all I could hear was his voice, his last words telling me he loved me. My ears were hearing his voice, my eyes never moved from his body. The fact, that the golden kurta he was wearing was now painted in red. I was going feral with each passing second, I was dying each second. I closed my eyes for a second and looked at my maa papa. I saw someone dragging Mishti away from me, I loved her but I loved him as well, he is alone, and he has no one here right now. I couldn’t leave him alone like this when he never left me.

“Ab iske baad jo bhi hoga uske jimmedaar baas aap dono honge, baas aap dono” (and whatever happens after this, two of you are going to be the reason, just you two) I was pointing the gun towards them and I could hear all the screaming and shouting but everything slowed down and in a fraction of a second I pointed the gun at myself and I pulled the trigger.

back 2 u — lee heeseung.

pairing. heeseung x f!reader

genre. childhood friends to strangers to lovers, mutual pining, fluff, slight angst.

warning(s). swearing, mentions of bruises.

summary. butterflies always found their home again in your stomach whenever you saw heeseung wrapped in the warm spring breeze, destiny and the decisions you both make in life make your paths cross several times unintentionally, although they repeatedly parted ways, in the end you always end up going back to the other.

note. this is my part for my beloved @moonsluvr's "in between the lines" collab. i hope you enjoy it cause it's especially for you! ik it's late but happy birthday love, i love you.

wc. 4.3k

You fell in love for the first time on a sunny spring morning, at the age of 6.

"Hi, I'm Lee Heeseung!"

You looked at the small hand that had multiple paint stains of all colors that was extended towards you to take it. This was the first time you saw him and the first thing that caught your attention, apart from the fact that he was almost completely covered in paint making his clothes a rainbow, was his bright smile which was missing a tooth and his beautiful eyes.

"Hi." your voice was barely above a whisper as you shook his hand shyly, noticing how it left a red stain on yours.

The boy who said his name was Heeseung stared at you, waiting for you to keep talking so he could know your name. Only after a few seconds in silence did you realize why his eyes didn't even want to blink, in case he missed any detail, when you finished telling him your name you were already holding back a few tears due to the embarrassment you felt.

One of the first things your mom told you was that you should always introduce yourself to the children who approached you and it was the first thing you forgot.

"Nice to meet you! Do you want to be my friend? I was painting a drawing I made myself, if you want you can help me." if you had to be honest you never met someone so energetic and cheerful before. The friends you made up until now were the same as you and didn't dare to leave the comfort of your routine and relate to someone outside your small circle.

You remembered your older brothers and how they had plenty of friends and always went out to play in the street with them and sometimes you used to feel jealous about it, so you would give yourself a chance to make new friends even if it was hard at first.

So you accepted. But in the short span of a few minutes you were already on the floor holding your knee with some tears running down your cheeks, without any teacher around to help you.

Now you were beginning to regret making that decision, you were used to playing quietly or just walking through the halls while talking about anything with your classmates, so when Heeseung proposed to play hide and seek you got excited to try something new and more fun.

But the moment you couldn't find him anywhere, about 7 minutes into the break, you began to despair, you were running from one place to the other, you checked all the places you knew although it was useless because it's as if he had disappeared from the planet. Your little mind began to think unimaginable and exaggerated things but the nerves had won over you.

When your crying reached the ears of the boy who was even holding his breath so as not to be found, he came out of hiding almost running with concern marked on his face.

"Are you okay?" He knelt in front of you, looking sideways to see if any teacher would peek out so they could handle the situation. What could a child do to calm someone crying?

A small spotlight was lit on his head, he quickly checked the pockets of his pants and a big smile came to his face when he found what he was looking for, he put in front of your eyes a band-aid with drawings of panda bears to show you that he already had everything under control.

He used to fall and hurt himself quite often so his older brother had given him a box full of those so that he would start taking care of himself a little bit so as not to give his mother too much trouble.

He gently placed it on your injured knee, it was rare to see that in him because of how unruly he turned out to be at all hours. Your wound wasn't that bad but you still flinched at the touch, successfully making the small waterfall in your eyes stop.

"I couldn't find you anywhere." that bothered him a bit, he didn't like to see people get sad because of him.

"I'm sorry."

He looked down as he played with his hands only now noticing how dirty they were from the paint, the thought of painting your face pink flashed through his head. He mustered up some courage and you felt his lips rest on the band-aid he just put on.

you were startled and he didn't even give you a chance to say anything because he ran into the classroom at the sound of the bell.

Maybe you were too young to experience what love really was, but back then you could swear your heart was about to explode and you were scared to feel that way whenever you were with him.

A moment so sweet that later you wrote down in your personal diary with great detail, you didn't want to forget that moment for anything in the world.

It was something new and fresh, like lilies of the valley covered with drops of morning dew. But what could you know? You were just a little brat.

The months passed and whenever you shared a moment that made your stomach turn, you wrote it down and treasured it for yourself. You never told anyone about those emotions that made you feel more alive than ever.

After a few years being the best friends that could exist, you disappeared from the city without notice leaving Heeseung alone.

And from there you didn't know anything about each other.

The day you didn't come to school worried him a lot, but nothing compared to the feeling that shook his body when he went to your house only to see the "for sale" sign outside, with not a single piece of furniture inside.

It was as if all the memories you had shared together were shattered into thousands of pieces, just like his heart and the letter he had written for you, telling you even his deepest feelings for you.

—

The second time you thought you fell in love was a winter afternoon when you were 16 years old.

Spring was just around the corner but these days the cold hadn't given you a single break, today was your first day in a new high school and you already made the mistake of not bringing any coat and letting yourself be fooled by the sun in the morning because now your body was shaking from head to toe.

The snow melted days ago and if you paid attention to your surroundings you could see how the flowers began to bloom, decorating the streets a bit giving them joy, as well as a cute and innocent feeling inside your stomach that tickled your silly heart. The sun's rays fed and gave life to everything every new morning.

You took a deep breath trying to feel the early warmth of the season you loved the most.

And your body completely freezes at the smell of that perfume.

Was all this real? It's as if the whole world had stopped, time ceased to exist, the birds that were flying were frozen in mid-air, and all sounds disappeared, leaving only the rapid beating of your heart pounding your chest with force.

And all because you exchanged glances with him.

Heeseung had been so engraved in your memory and soul that today, after years, you could still recognize the typical smell of his perfume.

But had you really fallen in love again? He was the same person after all and it was as if all those butterflies were coming out of hiding that they refused to leave. They never left.

You watched as he said something to the boy next to him to walk towards you. With each step it's as if he is activating a bomb in your head not knowing what to do or say.

"Hey."

His voice made everything around you return to normal, letting time run again.

You couldn't say anything, there were so many things you wanted to say that in the end they got stuck in your throat. Both of your eyes already said a lot, although it was still not enough for two people who had loved each other so much and then stopped knowing about the other.

You let your body act by itself and quickly passed your arms around hisneck while you hid your face on his chest, the warmth of his body made you feel in paradise and when he passed his hands on your waist a chill ran down your spine. Feeling his touch after missing him for so long gave you goosebumps. It was overwhelming.

When you parted everything was uncomfortable, he raised his shoulders not knowing what to do and you just covered yourself using your arms because of the cold that penetrated inside your light clothes.

"Long time no see," it was as if you had become strangers, though practically You were "you're taller now."

You did your best to make the environment more comfortable, it was the first time you saw each other after years. His eyes were still the same as you remembered them, he was tall, much taller, his bright smile hadn't changed a bit but he was already a bigger person, you could tell just by looking at him that he wasn't still the same 12-year-old boy.

"Are you cold?" he noticed how your body reacted to being outdoors without any source of heat "I don't want you to get sick."

Heeseung didn't even let you reply that he was already taking off the hoodie he was wearing to put it on your head without hesitation.

"Oh but you don't need to!" he didn't even listen to you and from one second to another his hands were already on the edge of the hoodie making sure it covered you completely "now you could get sick."

"I care more about you." he said softly. His face was so close to yours that you had to hold your breath. He was so cute, he smelled so good and his smile mesmerized you in a way that you could die right there.

He was still the same Heeseung as always.

You didn't talk as much as you would've liked, at least you were able to spend a few minutes talking about what you had done with your lives in recent years, although you couldn't concentrate even for a few minutes, your head kept overthinking every action you did and your eyes couldn't stop traveling in his face trying to remember every last inch of him as if you weren't going to see him again for another long period of time.

Only when you got home did you realize how red your cheeks were, you were embarrassed to think that Heeseung saw you all the time with your face burning and your heart beating so loud, you were sure he could hear it.

That night you slept without being able to take off the blue hoodie with some yellow lines and letters that he gave you, it was a silly thought but you could tell that it was something he would buy the second he saw it. You smiled at that, you had missed him so much that you couldn't be able to get away from that smell that comforted you so much in the past and that remained engraved in the depths of your mind.

You hadn't thought about him going to your high school until that moment, he had the same uniform as you so that got you excited because maybe you can be close again and just thinking about being near him increased your heart rate. You felt like in a fairy tale and you hoped you could tell him what your heart been holding.

But when you went the next day he wasn't there. Nor was it the following days.

Even if you were dying of embarrassment, Heeseung was much more important to you, so you had the audacity to ask the person you saw him with, but he just told you that he had left there and he didn't think he'd be back anytime soon. You felt your heart break a second time for the same person.

Your anger spoke for you but you wished you had never seen him that day just to avoid feeling that unbearable pain you didn't want to remember for anything in the world.

It's as if Heeseung had never existed, being all a product of your imagination that so longed to live his love story.

—

Heeseung was like a loose leaf that had been wandering since autumn letting the wind carry it to no particular destination.

That's why the air caught in his throat when he saw you in the cafe he used to go to whenever he needed to clear his mind of it. He had never seen you there before and you didn't seem to be some new employee so he assumed it was because he always picked the times you weren't working.

Feeling so many emotions running through his body made him overwhelmed and dizzy. It was ridiculous that you always met after years in places you least expected, he was tired of that, he was tired of feeling how his heart shrank at your memory and how he cried when he saw you, it erased all the "progress" he was making trying to forget you and he went back 100 steps because he already convinced himself that you weren't meant to be together.

But looking into your eyes always gave him a little hope and he held tight to it, refusing to let go.

It was for that reason that he was too cowardly to approach you, and he simply turned around wanting to leave the place and his feelings as well once and for all. Inwardly begging not to regret his decisions later.

And it looks like the universe heard him for the first time in years.

"Heeseung?"

There weren't many people in the place and he was grateful for it because he could take off his mask and cap calmly without anyone recognizing him, but he was surprised how you could tell it was him just by looking at his figure, his stomach couldn't stop spin around.

Despite the fact that the few who were there stared at him because he had been standing for like 5 minutes without moving, he shrugged it off and walked towards you, with the counter being the only thing that separated you.

"Hey," he smiled at you, "I didn't know you worked here."

"I used to work in the mornings," you didn't know if it was because you hadn't seen him in a long time and you couldn't remember him as well as before but you noticed he was a little sad, you both looked at each other for a few seconds and stayed silent trying to distract yourselves with something "you want a drink?"

"Yeah, of course." Heeseung ordered for his usual.

Everything was damn awkward, you couldn't even talk like you did that time at the high school entrance long ago, everything was worse since you were practically strangers who didn't know anything about each other, just two unknown people who shared a past trying to talk, which would obviously end in embarrassing failure.

Both of you are left with many unspoken words about to come out of your throats, but you had to swallow them.

When Heeseung had his takeout order in his hands, he said goodbye to you and started walking towards the exit. With each step he took, new thoughts came to your head, you couldn't let him go like nothing like you did before, you had to do something to keep him by your side even for a few more hours or else you would regret not having done nothing for the rest of your life.

"My shift ends in about 20 minutes!" your ears turned red realizing you yelled at him, when you got his attention you continued "do you want to wait for me so we can talk?"

"I would love that." his grin dispelled all your doubts, he didn't even have to think twice.

You couldn't do your job properly while he waited sitting next to a window, your mind kept wandering to the image of him with the sun's rays lighting up his face. He was still the most beautiful person you've ever seen and you think you can never get over Lee Heeseung.

Getting him out of your heart is like an impossible mission, it was as if he had been created specifically to be inside you all his life.

"I still have the hoodie you gave me that day." you played with your fingers not wanting to see his expression.

Both left the cafeteria and headed to the first park you found, there were some children playing and running everywhere. You couldn't help but think about when you used to play with Heeseung until it got dark and your mother had to practically carry you home by the ears, you even avoided going home to drink water for fear that she wouldn't let you out again.

His giggle made you look up "I can't believe you kept it," he looked up at the sky, hesitating as to whether or not to say the words on the tip of his tongue, but he was tired of keeping things to himself so he let his mouth speak for itself "it's more yours than mine, it always was."

You tilted your head to the side, not understanding what he meant "what do you mean?"

"This is embarrassing," he tried to cover his face that was beginning to turn pink, "but I bought it with you in mind."

"Are you serious?"

"I've had it since I was 12 years old just because I wanted to lend it to you, so I bought it a few sizes bigger than it still fit me," your chest tightened at the memory "I never wanted to leave you." his sudden words confused you.

"What?" you tried not to stutter.

"That day I had to rethink what I wanted to do with my life several times just because I saw you again after years wondering what happened to you," he took a deep breath trying not to overwhelm his emotions "but I followed my dreams ignoring the deeper feelings, I became a trainee and now I'm here, being an idol. I'm sorry I left, but I don't regret it."

"You fulfilled your dream, of course you don't have to regret it, I would never want you to." your brain still couldn't process everything he told you, you just concentrated on the fact that he was able to fulfill what he told you so many times and you couldn't be more proud of him because your body couldn't contain so much happiness "I'm so proud of you Heeseung, I still remember when you-"

"Even though I don't even know if I like it that much anymore," he cut you off with tears welling up in his eyes "you're right, I fulfilled my dream, but everything is so difficult that I'm beginning to believe that there are more cons than pros in all of this."

You didn't know what to say, you didn't even know what was going on in his life right now, and fuck, you don't even know if you can consider yourself his friend after being apart for so long.

"No matter what I do or how hard I try there will always be bad comments that sometimes become so overwhelming that they far outweigh the good ones. I'm just tired," he looked into your eyes and a spark traveled through your body "and this may be silly but I really do believe that love doesn't exist. Or at least not for me, I don't know if I should give up."

How could he say that? How dare he say love didn't exist when you felt it with every fiber of your body every time you looked into his eyes? When that strong feeling took over your heart from the moment you met him? How dare he when he taught you what love really was even if he didn't know it? It's true, it wasn't always pretty and it used to hurt a lot to the point you want to tear your heart out in order not yo feel anything and forget everything, and you knew that better than anyone for all the years you spent away from him feeling abandoned, but you wouldn't change the love you feel for Lee Heeseung for anything in the world, even if it hurts and burns you inside you're convinced you will never be able to find something similar in your life. Love was what made you feel alive every day.

"You're wrong about that... Love is real. I know because I've felt it."

"Please don't say you love me."

But even if you were consumed with shame and with your pride broken, you decided to stand firm and stare into his eyes, those orbs that you loved so much and from which you had fled so many times.

Hearing that completely paralyzed you, had you been so obvious all that time? You wanted to get out of there, run away and never see him again.

This was the last chance you had to tell him the whole truth and stop being a coward for once in your life, you were going to fight for what your heart dictated, even if everything ended badly you wouldn't be left with that heavy feeling following you everywhere.

"I love you Heeseung, I always have."

He didn't even move, you could see his gaze change but you couldn't figure it out, it was an ocean full of doubt and he was drowning in it.

"Don't make this harder please." His lips were trembling, afraid to blurt out the next words "because I love you too."

You had to blink several times to make sure you weren't in some weird dream or misheard. You wanted to beat him until your hands got tired, you wanted to yell at him until you lost your voice. You were already preparing to be rejected and he told you that? You couldn't believe it, so many years thinking that your feelings were one-sided when in reality he felt the same? You wanted to beat yourself up too by not taking the risk sooner.

But maybe that was fine, probably if you had done it before nothing would have worked, you wanted to believe that the universe was responsible for bringing you together at the right time.

"Please tell me you really mean it." your eyes were watery, waiting for any answer so the tears could fall.

"I never in my life said something so serious." his tone of voice changed to a slower and softer one to make sure you were the only one to hear him, his hands slowly moved up your neck to position themselves on your cheeks and caress them with his thumb "I'm sorry I didn't say it before, I was scared."

Your fingers were on his, not wanting to stop feeling the touch of his fingertips on you, giving you goosebumps "scared of what?"

"Scared of loving you." he was getting closer and closer to you, now you could feel his breath caress your eyelashes "scared of being the only one who felt all these butterflies when we were together and ruining the only good thing in my life."

You repeatedly shook your head letting some tears fall, although there weren't many because Heeseung took care to wipe them all away.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I was going to move me out when we were 12."

"And I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I was on my way to fulfill my dream and let you slip out of my arms, you have no idea how much I wanted to see you again but I let you go."

"Don't worry about it, we're already together, right?" he nodded as your fingers played with his hair.

"Hold me again, I've missed your arms more than anything in the world, I can't let you go, not this time."

It was getting dark, the children were gone and the only thing left in the place were your butterflies that finally fluttered together.

You wrapped your arms around his neck as he wrapped them around your waist. Your heart was threatening to burst out of its cage, he was getting closer and closer and you closed your eyes waiting for his lips to touch yours. The euphoric feeling leaving you dizzy and dazed, wondering what would happen to you if he didn't hold you in his arms.

Your lips fit together like a perfect puzzle which have been searching for its missing piece for too long.

This was how it felt to truly love someone, your hearts never gave up and if you had to wait 100 more years just to feel the moment when your lips and hearts were fervently linked then you would wait as long as it takes. There is nothing in the world you wouldn't do for each other, you would go to space back and forth, burn down entire cities and plant millions of trees if it meant you would meet in another life over and over again until your souls lived through it all.

The first and only time you fell in love was that spring morning 14 years ago.

14 years and the flower that bloomed in your chest without hope of living long hasn't withered yet.

Your heart and spring would always go back to him.