I Wanna Relapse So Bad - Tumblr Posts
Tw: ed
The only good part about being sick is that noone is forcing me to eat.
I can just starve myself in peace without anyone saying anything.
I wish for something. Something like a hug and the feeling of being loved.
Fuck this.
I don't know what to say, it's just like, I need someone to talk to again. I want my best friend back.
I want to tell him everything again. I need him right now. Like, I told him everything and he told me everything, we were happy-ish.
But now I have to talk to fucking Tumblr to feel like anyone even listens.
I want someone to listen.
And like, honestly, I am close to just texting someone who hurt me so much, and that I broke contact with after he did that, but he at least listened.
He drove 4 hours to me. He texted me. He was there.
And yes, he hurt me so much, he gave me nightmares and I shaved my head because of him, but still.
I just want someone to love me and listen and stuff?
Is that to much?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to be like that. I don't want to act this way.
I'm sorry I can't communicate. I'm sorry that I try and push you away. I'm sorry. I just want you with me.
I'm sorry that I can't say that to you. I'M SORRY.
I'm so fucking sorry please don't leave me?
I know I'm hard to love. I KNOW.
I don't want to be like this.
I promise I am trying to change.
I promise I can act normal.
Please?
He want to meet up tomorrow...
I am kinda very scared that he'll go no contact with me, haha....
Hahahahaha.
But I know I shouldn't be.
I know...
I know I shouldn't be.
I'm sorry for thinking that everyone will always leave me.
I am sorry.
I miss him. So much.
It feels like I will never see him again. It feels like I can never hold him again. It feels like it's all over and lost.
I can't, I don't want to keep going like this.
I wish I could make you realize how much you actually mean to me.
I wish I could tell you I love you.
I like planning a future with him.
But I know we'll never actually have it.
He had a wild night and slept with someone. I shouldn't feel bad, because we are in an open relationship, and I'm not angry or jealous, but...
But like, I want to be enough for him.
To love him is to hurt.
The way I ache for him is unbearable and goes through time and space.
I can't so this anymore.
I just want it all to end.
Why does existing hurt so much? Why do I always lose?
I am trying my best but still nothing comes of it.
Nothing ever does.
The only thing I was looking forward to is seeing him. But I don't know when that will even be.
Maybe never again.
Maybe I'm just dramatic.
But it feels like we'll never be together again...
I want to be back in his arms. I want to be with him.
Tw: sh
Guess who just got broken up with and is on his way to the hospital to get stitches??
Yesss, you're right, it's meee!
Why does it hurt so much to see his shirt in my laundry?
I have to give it back...
There will never be anything to hold on to anymore. He is gone. He doesn't like me anymore.
Why does it hurt this much?
All I ever wanted was to be with him
Chilling in the closed off ward🤟🏻
I wanted us to last.
I wanted to actually try and maybe even succeed.
I wanted to be with him.
I wanted to not be the only one who fell.
I was once a star.
He made me burn.
Now I wanna burn down his house <3
Not actually.
I want to keep on burning.
It hurts.
It hurts so much.
I need someone, anyone, to love me.
Being unlovable hurts.
It's the pain of knowing that noone can ever love me the way I love them.
To love the way I do is to burn and scratch open my skin just to try and show you a part of me.
It's to always wait for something.
I try to fill the void he left with anything that could kill me.
I'll die before letting myself fall in love again.
I won't see them?
I won't get to meet them?
This was the only thing I've been living towards to, and now it will never happen?
I don't know what to do now.
I need them.
I need to hold and hug them, I need to see and feel them.
How can I keep going now?