Csa Tw - Tumblr Posts
This csa survivor hates MAPs.
This user can’t talk about what happened to them.
TW: venting about my whole ass panic attack. So yeah
So I'm literally in tears rn. My acne flared up really bad. My nose is to big. My lips are too small. My hair just won't work with me. I may be skinny isn't good when your face looks like God hit you 1000000000000000000000x with the ugly stick.
My brother decided to say, "It's not that bad. Why are you upset?"
Easy to say when you have every female in the world falling at your feet.
Like all my siblings got the attractive gene & my genes decided I'd be the ugly one.
My teeth are messed up to. Not lined up, under bite. Got scars lining my body so that's another flaw to add.
Why would anyone decide to date me.
The guy I was dating kill himself. I would to if I was dating me.
He didn't even leave my ugly ass a note. Such a shame ig.
Got ADHD, Bipolar, ODD, Generalized Anxiety, Depression, PTSD, & now possibly falling on the Autism spectrum.
Ugly af
Annoying af
Always fall in everyone's shadows. Only this person's younger sister or this persons older sister maybe this other person's daughter.
Can't even make a name for myself. Sometimes I wish I'd disappear. I was suppose to have a twin. If she made it maybe it'd be better.
School is stressing me out. I somehow passed last year. Kind of tired.
I'm just tired.
No matter how hard I try or how hard I work. Nothing will ever be enough.
Not for me, my mum, my siblings, my friends, my teachers, no one. I'm never enough.
I have a panic attack my mum decides the cry.
What gives her the right. She looks great. She's witty, kind, independent, knows what she wants. So why is she crying. Literally nothing happened.
You're crying cause I'm upset & making everyone else upset. Literally not my fault I'm having a panic attack while looking in the mirror.
Hell now I've started starving myself. Afraid of weight gain ig
I lie. Say how cool my family is. How I don't care whether I am skinny or not. Lie that I'm not ugly or pretty. I lie. Straight through my teeth.
I pretend my life is so great.
No.
I never have been close with my mum. I've always wanted to. Seems everytime I start to I get pushed back.
My mother is proud of all my other siblings.
I gave up on art. I was like 12 or 13. I went to show my mother a drawing.
My mother told me to shut up as my older brother & sister were gonna sing. She couldn't even wait one second to take a glance.
When she decided to look. After praising her oh so talented children. She just said my drawing was cool.
I flushed that drawing down the toilet.
I've decided that I'll just not try.
I'm 16 atm. I try to impress my mother. Be a oh so good kid.
Never one glance.
Where did I go wrong.
My ex boyfriend gave me hope. Maybe someone could love me. Someone could find a way to look past all my flaws & see some beauty that I just couldn't see.
But the rope he hung from could say different.
No goodbye, no letter. Nothing.
Last words were him breaking up with me in a group chat without notifying me .
Having to find out through someone he hates.
Someone who he despises knew.
Then when I joined. He just ridiculed me. Put me down. Kept saying cruel words. Just to break up. Then leave this world.
I know I wasn't the cause. That his world came to an end. But why?
I've only ever looked at the bright side. Wanted to help others. Sit by those who hurt. Helping others gave me purpose. Hope that maybe I one day could.
My mother's name is Hope though. Even she couldn't believe in me. How ironic. The woman who gave birth to me is named Hope. Yet any hope she could've had in me never met my eyes.
I would leave the world as well. I guess I just like the challenge. Tried to leave a couple times. Each one a fail. For 6 minutes & few seconds. My heart stopped. I was at peace. Then my heart decides to beat again. Body decides to work again.
October 23rd 2018. Was my near death experience. Was great honestly. Sadly death just won't take me. No matter how much I've tried. Even death doesn't want me.
How ironic. Death takes everyone. Yet not me.
Take people I care about. Not me though.
I gave up on attempting suicide. Never leads me to death.
I just kind of exist now.
Mother won't let me get a job. Won't let me pierce even my ears.
She says she cares yet victim cards Trump all.
I weirdly love my family though.
My mother saved me from going to foster care. Plus my father was abusive. The memories that'll never leave haven't grown because of her.
Yet it seems I really was just part of the package.
To care for any of the others. I was just the con.
She showed up to my football practice in 8th grade.
She looked so proud & congratulated me on knocking guys 10x my height down. For once she was proud.
One of my matches she showed up to. I was knocked down by a kid. Are team lost. Any hope she had in me. I could see disappear.
She lectured me after. Saying how I could've done better.
I quit the team. Coach said that I shouldn't. It just wasn't as full filing when the person who gives birth to you. Well the one you spend all your time trying to make proud. Look at you with cold eyes.
I had a choir concert not even a year ago. I did the whole thing. Hoping maybe she walk in. See that I was overcoming my fear of singing on stage.
She texted me once I was done. She waited outside the entire time.
Didn't take the time to come in. I thought maybe she was doing something. Shopping or riding around. No. She just sat in the parking lot.
It hurts. I lost my childhood. Lost someone I loved. Lost any hope of my mum being proud. Lost my pride. Lost any love for myself. Lost any meaning for my life.
I've given up. Won't kill myself.
Wouldn't give myself the satisfaction. Plus I've tried to many times. Shot my shot. Missed everyone besides one that I rimmed & missed.
Guess I'll live just to survive. Then die peacefully in life.
Maybe I'll die saving someone. That'd be good to. Be remembered as someone who saved someone .
Well thx for reading ig
I’m disgusted.
Matt is choosing ignorance at this point.
I’m done.
If they even TRY to excuse this, I don’t know what I’m even gonna do.
I’m so close to leaving this fandom, but at the same I don’t want to, since I’ve met so many amazing people in this fandom.
When I first found out about the allegations, I legitimately wanted to cry in frustration. I can’t do this anymore.
I’m so tired of seeing this happen over and over again.
If they even TRY to excuse this, I don’t know what I’m even gonna do.
i know im taking this part a little bit literally, but i know what we can do. we can make a fucking stink about it and make sure they cant fucking ignore us.
they’ve done this at least four times now: they’ve worked and remain friends with Layla Taliborn and Jax, and they’ve kept Brock Baker on the team, and i think i heard that they let Marc Lovallo back on the discord*, and now this.
regardless of how they treat this case, theyre still letting people with unresolved sexual assault and grooming allegations onto their fucking team. as a fan of eddsworld, and as a survivor of csa and grooming, im fucking disgusted, and tired, and most of all im sick of watching them get away with it.
stop letting them get away with it. make them fucking listen. for god’s sake, they arent infallible. theyre letting these people in their fucking show. even classic eddsworld knew not to associate with groomers and pedophiles (see: dominic/hellucard’s irl counterpart)
im not saying harass the crew: dont send them death threats or threaten their loved ones or whatever. i think you all know the difference between harassment and holding people accountable to their actions. what i AM saying is boycott their shit, and start commenting about their involvement with these people in their discord, on their twitter, on their insta, wherever theyll fucking see it.
we know they won’t take us seriously unless we’re vocal and demanding about it. they won’t listen to us until it starts affecting their merch sales and their subscriber count and their viewership counts.
for gods sake, start being vocal. take direct action. dont let them do this a fourth time.
genuinely so fucking tired of people leveraging the "groomer" argument against people who support sex ed because scientific literature over decades shows that comprehensive sex education starting around kindergarten actually prevents children from being sexually abused and groomed because it teaches children the correct words for their body parts and also teaches them concepts of privacy, personal space, bodily autonomy, the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touching, and the fact that sex is something that only adults do. children with this knowledge are not only better equipped to identify abuse and predatory behavior and communicate that its happening to a trusted adult, but also prevent it from happening in the first place by recognizing when something is happening that shouldn't.
sex education does not sexualize children, it prevents children from being sexualized. anyone who is against early foundational sex education and claims they are doing it to protect children is a fucking liar.
I need minors to learn how to lie online again. Your name is Derek, you’re 25 and work in accounting now. Please for your own safety learn how to fucking lie. And if you don’t want to lie, then don’t put your age anywhere. Don’t even say whether you’re a minor or not. It is perfectly easy to avoid adult spaces without signposting that you are doing so because you’re a child.
Stating your age doesn’t protect you this only makes you a target.
f*ck Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, they have so much to answer for
imagine treating your daughter, who was a victim of your disgusting abuser son, worse than said disgusting abuser son, just because she dares to call you out and has a nose ring
genuinely so fucking tired of people leveraging the "groomer" argument against people who support sex ed because scientific literature over decades shows that comprehensive sex education starting around kindergarten actually prevents children from being sexually abused and groomed because it teaches children the correct words for their body parts and also teaches them concepts of privacy, personal space, bodily autonomy, the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touching, and the fact that sex is something that only adults do. children with this knowledge are not only better equipped to identify abuse and predatory behavior and communicate that its happening to a trusted adult, but also prevent it from happening in the first place by recognizing when something is happening that shouldn't.
sex education does not sexualize children, it prevents children from being sexualized. anyone who is against early foundational sex education and claims they are doing it to protect children is a fucking liar.
Ran out of fuel for this one; probably won’t finish it for a while
A TM(N)T PMV WIP about Leo and Donnie’s trauma
(Song is Scum by Lovejoy)
@nerves-nebula
Crazy how the whole ‘but only Kat Ashley said this’ defense falls apart once you see it’s pretty much corroborated by another witness:
“The newly single Seymour sent his nephew, John Seymour, to accompany Elizabeth as she moved to set up her own household at Hatfield soon after, and (according to Thomas Parry), Seymour told John to enquire of Elizabeth: “whether her great buttocks were grown any less or no?’”
What an extremely normal thing to ask about your fourteen-year-old stepdaughter. He quite clearly not only did it but was arrogant enough to joke/allude to it months later. What a sick fuck. Also afaik he never ‘denied’ it so much as he said it was just horseplay. The only thing he denied was conspiring to marry her. So I’d say why does she believe Thomas Seymour over at least two witnesses and Elizabeth herself (didn’t specifically refer to this incident but what she wrote on the outside of that letter) except the thing is he never specifically denied it, just denied there was anything shameful about it. So it’s not even why does she believe Thomas Seymour over them, it’s why does she believe her own apologist, give every single benefit of the doubt, reach of a narrative, over them (and also almost Thomas himself? Whom she supposedly idolizes)
Also the whole thing with comparing him to Anne Boleyn… I can’t. They were both executed when they both had close relationships with the reigning king and the similarities stop there. He had thirty three charges of treason against him. One of them was counterfeiting money to raise an army without permission of king or council. That would’ve been enough grounds to execute him alone. So the whole idea that he was railroaded and the treason relating to Elizabeth was invented to execute him… it made him look worse, but they had no need to invent that. They already had him on attempting to kidnap the king.
imagine writing this article and not being embarrassed. x
"What in Hell would possess you to neuter yourself?"
Putting this one under a cut and adding a trigger warning for SA & trauma:
"My father sold me like, multiple fucking times when I was a child. And a teenager. And maybe you don't know about the whole birds and the bees thing, but let me tell you, when you're not a willing fucking participant and years later someone tells you oh yeah, remember that one time? Yeah I had a kid. What do you mean what happened to him, I dumped his ass in the Pit. Kind of inspires you to just never--
"I don't--
"I don't want to father any more children. Even the fucking thought of it..." Blitz frowned and shook his head, looking out the window for a long, long time before he finally looked back at Parak. "What happened to me wasn't a one and done thing where it just traumatizes you one fucking time and then you get to forget it. That shit? Never is. For any of us. But when there's a fucking kid involved? It hurts. Every time you think about it. It just... fuck. I don't--
"My kid is almost twenty-two. He's fourteen years younger than me. And every time I think about it, I remember all the shit I didn't want. The fucking hands. The smug look on my dad's fucking face when I'd come home." Blitz looked the same as ever--tense and relaxed at once, angry and careless--but his hands were in tight fists where he had them tucked in against his chest, and his breathing was a little shallower, tighter. Controlled--too controlled. Controlled, because if he didn't keep himself together, he'd fall the fuck apart whenever this shit came up, and Blitz was tired of that. He was so tired of a monster from the past still being able to affect him now. It was bullshit. It always had been and it always would be--
But it being bullshit didn't erase the scars or ease the worst part of it all, the part he could never bring himself to vocalize to anyone: the shame. The deep, choking sense of shame, as if it was somehow his fault, as if it always had been. Logic couldn't ease that shame away. Knowing it wasn't his fault couldn't make it feel any less embarrassing, any less humiliating. So, his face burned, his stomach felt tight, and his heart felt like it was stuttering, but he just kept his gaze fixed out the window.
[context for curious readers who didn't pick it up in his headcanon posts, but Blitz had a vasectomy a long, long time ago, and has no plans to ever reverse it. it's not something he is open to negotiating on, and i as a roleplayer will not be playing any "accidents" happening. Blitz still uses condoms, every time.]