Akatsuki Shitpost - Tumblr Posts

Imagine Kisame/Jūzō’s first reaction to Itachi. They’re both these big muscly swordsmen and Nagato was just like. Here, take this OP emo kid and try not to kill each other. 

Nagato: Okay so here’s your partner, Itachi Uchiha-

Kisame: ??? Isn’t he a bit...young? Small? Dainty? Pretty? 

Itachi: :/ 

Just finished playing monopoly, so here’s how I think the Akatsuki would play it. 

Konan: The banker/meditater; always having to fix the board.

Nagato: Way too into it; winning Monopoly is the only time the Akatsuki has ever seen him smile.

Kakuzu: Has zero properties, hogs the cash.

Hidan: Gets pissed off constantly; knocks the board over. Gets pissed when he has to pay rent. Hogs all the properties.

Kisame: Probably looking to Itachi before he makes a trade or purchase to see if its a good idea; has like one of each color and refuses to sell any (So that houses/hotels can’t be built).

Itachi: “The rent is 1048 but you can just pay an even 1000 if you want...” (The considerate one).

Sasori: “The rent is 1048. Not 1045.” (Refuses to negotiate even if it means everyone has to trade in cash with the bank for one dollar).

Deidara: Quits after like ten minutes, if that.

ITACHI NO FJOSFNELJFNE

Tobi, being a shit: Never has Tobi ever got a hug from his parents!

Itachi: Puts a finger down

Sasori, ready to throw hands: Ungrateful parent murdering looking ass-

Akatsuki Thoughts (1)

I just had a thought– The Akatsuki playing never have I ever. Imagine how screwed up that would be. 

Plus you KNOW they’re targeting each other. 

Deidara: Never ever has my art been dry and boring

Sasori: Oh I’ll spice it up, you little shit. Get over here.

Also Itachi 100% gets targetted by everyone at some point. ‘Never have I ever got a hug from my mother’ ‘Never have I ever got a kiss goodnight’ 

He’s just like it’s not my fault I’m the only one who was actually raised by my parents you fucking assholes

Consider: Kisame smelling like a fish

Also consider: Itachi smelling the same due to their partnership

To add on to this, the Akatsuki base probably smells terrible.

Nagato: He’s legit not one, but multiple floating corpses

Konan: She’s probably actually okay. I feel like she smells like either old or freshly printed books. 

Kakuzu: He has a lot of hair inside him and I’m not sure I trust that he properly washes it :/

Hidan: Blood. He probably smells like musty blood 24/7.

Kisame: As mentioned before, he probably smells fishy

Itachi: Fish with a mix of teenage angst and bird. Who knows where his crows have been.

Deidara: He probably smells like straight up gun powder all the time.

Sasori: He would be alright if not for his multiple corpse puppets

Tobi: He’s probably just messy tbh

Consider: Kisame smelling like a fish

Also consider: Itachi smelling the same due to their partnership

Crows collect shiny things, right? What if Itachi’s crows randomly brought back shiny junk to the base for him. Like. Itachi just has shelves lined with bottle caps or shiny wrappers, but in the neatest and cleanest way possible. 

...I feel like it’s been too long since my last post about it so I’ll say it again

The

Akatsuki

Is

A 

Found

Family

That is all.

Canon Akatsuki: Very little info on how things ran. They met virtually with shaded projections. Very serious tones.

Fanon Akatsuki: Yeah, they live in a big house together. They have shared meals and roommate with their partners. Konan/Nagato are the parents and Kakuzu is the grandpa :)